People Pleasing vs. Fawning: Why We Do It and How to Change

Dr. Rick and Forrest talk about what separates people-pleasing from the fawn response, and why those differences affect what actually helps. They trace the surprising history behind both ideas, explain each’s relationship with trauma, and answer common questions along the way. They discuss why old friendships pull you back into old patterns, when appeasement is actually the right call, how to assert your needs when people expect you to concede, and how to figure out what you want after a lifetime of tuning into everyone else.

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Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

2:05: What’s the difference between people-pleasing and “just being nice?”

8:50: Common signs of people-pleasing

21:00: Where "people-pleasing" and “fawning” come from

27:00: Pete Walker, trauma, and how the two terms got merged

30:45: "Is the conflict causing my anxiety, or is my attachment style causing the conflict?"

39:10: Becoming more assertive

47:30: How to change relationships built on the pleasing version of you

55:15: Emotional neglect, shame, and learning what you want

1:04:30: Recap

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