Michael Foote Joins The Traitors: New Blood! + Lindsay Clancy (w. Bryan Safi)

0:06 Welcome to Brief Recess. I'm Michael Foote, I'm Alissa mel Branch. Today we're going to talk about that time I almost killed a man. We're also going to talk about Melissa's shock in the studio with the price of a tomato. We're going to have a big announcement that I can finally share. The NDA's expired. We're going to talk about the Lindsay Clancy trial and the online sleuth theories that are circulating on TikTok and Instagram. We have an interview with the hilarious and inimitable Brian Sofee, and we're going to answer all your questions from the DMS and not have any weird pauses. Are you okay? Look a quick Mitch McConnell moment where I stare off the gap space control all delete. Michael. You know what, we got it.

0:48 We're not doing another take get fucked like the restaurants or you were cooking mostly both.

0:55 Well, yeah, you know, I know we talked about this before, but it's so expensive to eat. Well, yes, right, so every time we go out there on our.

1:05 Way back, Melissa just got back from vacation out east. Yeah, and I waited tables out there for a million years, by the way, a million years, well, like at least ten three in law school.

1:16 Yeah, but on our way out, we always stop at like our favorite sort of roadside place. You pick up a couple of tomatoes, some corn whatever.

1:28 Three hundred dollars.

1:29 Yeah, so you know, we get in the car and look and I just didn't even look at the receipt, and then we're on our way.

1:36 For one airloom tomato and a couple of years of corn.

1:38 Well, ask me how much I paid for one tomato?

1:42 Michael, Yeah, so I think I know, because I spend this much on tomatoes, Okay, and it's like at least fifteen dollars for like one big airloom to nine.

1:54 And thirty cents for one tomato.

1:56 Yeah, it's like that is like what I won't know what that is. That is the this doesn't have sicklispora up charge. That is the it has cover tail of farms. You're not going to ship through the eye of a needle have charge. That's what you're paying for. You're not actually yeah, you're not gonna be paying out of yours.

2:13 You're just just vaulting off the toilet a couple of inches. That's what you're paying for when you get that tomato from me.

2:22 You know, there's something that happens to my soul when I see how much.

2:26 Money, I think, like you projected? Am I am? I stupid? Like why you're just a victim of late stage capitalists. You're just a victim. You're a victim. One woman's survivor story here on exactly right brief recess.

2:42 Melissa and her nine dollars thirty tomato. I'm like equal parts ashamed and also like annoyed it myself and so help me, God, if it is a mealy tomato, Oh I'm.

2:57 Bringing it back, I'm gonna be like, bite it, try it, you tell me. Because and people go out there, that's the thing. People go out there and they get wasted, so they'll pay whatever you could. Just there's just like the up charge people are paying anything because they're day drinking. When I was waiting tables out there, it was like I came out of the kitchen and the bathrooms are right there, and then the bars all the way at the front, and I was walking by the bathrooms and not even in the bathroom. A guy is barfing everywhere, just wretching, and me, being the magnanimous person I am, of course, I was like, I'm gonna pretend I didn't see that, and I'm gonna go right up to the bar and just this is not my problem, so I.

3:40 Can ignored it. Are you not a You're not a sympathetic vomitter?

3:47 Because if I just this guy was wasted. I was like, there's no way, no, no, no, no no, I'm not gonna help this man.

3:52 No no, no, that's not what I mean.

3:54 I mean like, this gets so much worse, This gets so much worse. I get up and I'm flirting with the bartender. We had already hooked up at this point. I was in my twenties. Uh, flirt with him whenever a bus boy comes up behind me and he goes, you won't believe what I just saw? What did you just say? It was like, oh my god, my god, what what? What could it possibly be? He said, there's a guy choking right outside the bathrooms. I just had to give him the imeleg I almost killed him. I almost killed a man. That's our YouTube title. I almost killed a man. Look at my face, shock in horror.

4:31 The YouTube tablet I almost killed a guy Wow. If that bus boy hadn't gone to cold baby.

4:38 So do you think you would so bad? No, you are a monster. Michael is a monster.

4:48 No, I would have been like, well, no, wow, sucks to suck. You didn't ask for help? Well, like I don't know, like flung his im lying on the ground making barfing noises, choking like that. I'm sorry, bro, when I thought.

5:06 That you actually saw him throwing up? When I met was by a sympathetic vomitter. Is if I am too close to somebody who's wretching, immediately, oh.

5:17 You'll start Oh no, I'm good. No. I was always the friend that held the hair back. I did my time on Maple Drive.

5:24 The smell is really what gets me. No, I've held plenty of friends, but usually it's like I'm hoping the hair back and I'm like, oh, oh my god, you washing my eye? You know ye that time I saved Michael's eye.

5:37 I wasn't barfing, but there was a smell.

5:39 For I did a lot of cocktail making.

5:46 Soul searching at the bottom of the glass. I did a lot of it.

5:50 So shout out to bed No nobody, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

5:55 We're all adults.

5:55 We're all adults here, and it is maybe one and a half drinks.

5:59 Okay, what did you You made Ben's drings?

6:01 I made Ben's drinks, all right, and then I made a couple of other things. I made a sidecar, I made a martini, I made a.

6:08 Sh she was drunken outside. It was but you.

6:12 Know, it's one of those things. It's like it's a vacation mode.

6:16 Yeah, no, dry again, and now you're you're going to dry out. When you dry out, do you like have a little crash out you need like an eye mask or sheet mask or bath. I don't drink.

6:25 I don't drink enough for that to be an issue, honestly, unlike Michael apparently, who's about to confess something, because I was.

6:33 At Alyssa's apartment, which is like Martini City. Like, you don't go to Melissa's. Alissa, you don't go to sorry I was drinking. You don't go to a Michael was drunk outside. You don't walk out of Alyssa's apartment. You like hold the walls as you're leading. You're given at the Good Garden Maze realness. Yeah, And so I get home Alyssa and I we like went out. This is a couple of weeks ago. First of all, her apartment it is. It is grapes of wrath, empty fridge, no food, no food, just olives, yeah, lime juice and auld dried up lin Yeah, and a drawer of cocktail skewers for olives.

7:13 She has in the freezer a spritzer of Vermouth, which I actually want one because it was so it was it was fierce.

7:21 Okay, why are we sprit for like Martinez for the vermouth the vermouth rins?

7:27 Yeah. I want to actually follow up with men about that. But I look at my phone the next day wherever we went, whatever we were doing, I got a one star Uber rating. I don't know what we did. I don't know what happened. I don't know why would you, I don't know were you drunken? Did you throw up in the room? No, I didn't throw up in the uber.

7:47 I feel like I would have gotten charged for that. But I was looking at it and I got an email that was like, your be whatever you did in the Uber earned you a one star rating, Michael, are you being vulgar? It was on I was with Alyssa, so whatever we were talking about could have offended the driver. I don't know my apologies to you, sir.

8:08 I don't believe that apologies since here I know you too.

8:11 Well well, I gotta know what I did first before I apologize. I'm not going to issue a blanket apology. Disask the people of Boston. People horress, people are pressed, good, stay mad? Yeah no, I know that's how you feel about it. You know what keeps swinging. I'm six foot four, you're only hitting my chintons. Let's get into a sidebar real quick. Let's okay, I have an announcement. Sisters, you already You're not gonna feigned surprise for Melissa. I'm on the next season of Traders. Ever acted more surprised. I had a contract. I want to do it again. Yeah, everybody be surprised. I mean we need an actual any guests, everyone in the room, maybe even like we need Okay and kicks down the door. Michael, Wait wait, so I'll

9:14 start it out. Friends.

9:17 We're so glad to have you gathered here with us. Michael has something that he wants to share with class. Thank you, Michael.

9:29 I am on the next season of Traders. Whoa CJ? Okay, CJ that was out of Central casting. That was uh so, I'm so excited. Ye, we're really excited to see you. First time you're hearing actually you were. Melissa was my emergency contact when I was on Traders, because I knew, if I'm not kidding, it was Melissa and you're They were like, who do you want us to call if there's like an emergency if you're like dangling out of a harnet and we have to decide if we want to cut the cord, like whatever, And I said Melissa.

10:05 And then the second person was my husband because I knew. Yeah, First of all, Brad would have been like, could you get the Netflix password from him before you cut the cord?

10:14 And I knew, and I already had the Netflix backwards, so I'm good.

10:20 But I knew that you if there were a real issue, you know, my wishes, Yes, the minute myself Tenner starts to fade, the minute the nail is not manicured, pull the fucking plug, bullet. I don't want to go on life. I know, I know you don't. The minute the toes are a little you know, in people's tone kind of yeah, yeah, pull the plug.

10:39 You know, totally random, but I have a friend of mine who she's married to a lovely man, but I am her pull the plug person because she knows that husband will never do it.

10:51 Yeah. When my dad was alive.

10:53 He had said to me they had a friend who was in a really bad way. And my dad said to me, listen, if that happens to me, I want you to put a bullet in my brain. And I said, Pop, you want me to put a bullet in your brain? And he was like yeah, because Mommy and Joey won't be able to do it, but I will be able to do. And I was like, the confidence that my father had in me, I'm going to hold a deer.

11:21 Yeah. No, I like one of the best compliments I guess. So to me, i'd be like, I'm chuffed. This is like I'm your best man at your wedding. I'd be delighted to pull the plug. Michael, can you tell us anything about Traders? About what You're going to be so crazy? I'm not allowed to say. And every people are asking me, you know everything down to the did you win did you lose? Exactly? Faithful? There are no traders and faithfuls on this season. They kept calling me the fluffer, So I don't know if that so I feel like it's maybe like a different version that I'm doing, but it is on Thursday nights on NBC so o'clock Primetime TV.

12:01 I feel like they did that because I'm on this season, but obviously unconfirmed. Yeah, Alan said, you know, he was really threatened by me that he thought I was going to come take his job, and that I see that he was worried that I was going to play Macbeth after his performance and that that would sort of create a ishue. You know, he probably was really afraid that you were going to do, was.

12:22 To take over as the MC cabaret. Yes, yeah, because really there's a lot of times I've only seen him in that like four.

12:32 Times, and I thought like, oh, they're type casting me as like, you know, the evil defense attorney. Turns out I was cast as like the leggy blonde with like huge tits. What was the wig? Like, Oh, yeah, so it was a hard bang. I think Carolyn Levitt meets Gladys from Weapons. It's hard. It's a hard bang. I left that interview with Alan and he said, I've never seen anyone do that with a ping pong ball. Before he was shocked shook us. So, yeah that it's eight o'clock on NBC Thursday nights and then the next day on Peacock, and the first episode's a two fer. It's gonna be yeah. Okay, so in the business we call that DP. Thanks. Do you want me to watch? Yeah?

13:22 I think I will. Yeah, absolutely, Well do you think I will watch? Yeah? I want you to watch so that you can be yeah. Yeah, I want your hot take. Okay, I want your hot take of the show because I feel like, especially with people who are close to me in my life, they're not gonna be rooting for me. They're gonna be rooting for everyone else. That's not true.

13:43 That is true. I think my mom and my dad are going to call me and they're gonna be like, I loved the girl from Illinois, Like you know what I mean. They're gonna be like, tell me about Becky right right, be like your son is on like right, my sister is going to be like, oh, so and so is cute. But do you think that that's.

14:03 But do you think that that means that they don't want you to win or do you think that they're just because Because here's the thing, right, Like, if I'm objectively, if I'm watching the show, I do hope you win because I know you and I would love for you to win something. Finally, right.

14:19 After all this strife and skin row, you're on the breadline.

14:25 You fly do something just because I want you to win finally doesn't mean that I'm not curious about Becky with the blonde hair? Right, like like right or like or I think probably what I would want to know is which you would never say.

14:46 I don't think, but like, did you really like Becky with the blonde hair? Were you just playing her? Do you know what I'm saying? You know, I'm going to say, are they of Boston to get Ben? I know? But that's different. Oh, I can absolutely say if I didn't like Becky from Peoria, you can.

15:02 Oh yeah, I mean you're not under like there's not like a get I don't fucking know.

15:06 No, I don't order or something you got to find out. No, I think I can. The only thing I don't think I'm a announces. Yeah right.

15:13 Oh, actually, guys, forget you heard this, forget it, forget you heard.

15:19 This a different segment quick. If the audience has questions for you, can they reach out and ask Yeah, I mean, ask me anything. I'll just have to check and see what I'm allowed to say, but I will I'll double check. But yeah, maybe send them into the DMS, send tails from the damns. I'll try and answer questions there. We could do like a little We'll do. It won't be all I don't want it to be all traders. People have like other questions.

15:42 No, no, no, no, but I think we should try at least read one or two trade a questions episode.

15:48 That'd be fun. So make it good.

15:50 Yeah, so there's only going to be one or two, so make it a good one.

15:54 And don't make it about Picky Eaters or the city of Boston because we're not going to answer it. No, We're we're done. But I do feel like if someone has one arm and they want to write it or I'm still I want to answer those. Yeah, let's get into algorithm is showing because this trial is going crazy, the Lindsay Clancy trial. I am watching every clip. I am locked in.

16:20 You know, my cousin reached out to me and all she the text message was all she said was Lindsay Clancy.

16:27 Yeah, that's all she said.

16:29 And then I wrote back to her and now's like, what about her? And she's like, if you don't cover this, yeah, there's.

16:36 No macaroni and cheese for you at Thanksgiving. That is very serious. And she makes it with a Beshmel sauce as one does. Okay, so we actually have for Really this is early high stakes. So this is the craziest trial. So I'm sure I'll just give like a brief introduction of the true for people who don't know anything about it.

16:55 But it's literally everywhere. It's hard to avoid Lindsay Clancy. Sorry c J. The way this prosecutor wearing bows in her hair. Okay, serious turn this case is about. I don't even know how to frame it, but basically, this woman was experiencing by polar disorder and psychosis and allegedly murdered her children, three children during postpartum. But I almost don't want to say allegedly, because her defense is claiming that she she did it and that this comes down to whether it was psychosis or not. Correct why did she do that? However, everyone on the internet is saying that the husband did it and that they shouldn't even be claiming that it was that the trial shouldn't be about psychosis or not. It should be about whether he

17:44 did it, because the evidence like is actually pointing towards him allegedly. Allegedly. Yeah, basically what happened was the breakdown of it is he came home, found the children unlived in the basement, and she was outside of the upstairs window on the ground with self harm marks on her arm. Her spine was injured and her thyroid was sort of like she's parilessed from the waist down. I think, yeah, she's got major injuries. And that is sort of what was found at the scene of the crime. Whenever on the internet is talking about, right, is that he left.

18:25 He was only gone, and when they found her, her internal body temperature was eighty three degrees, which is like Antarctica something like. And he was only gone for like thirty forty minutes. So he left to go to CBS to pick up medication for one of the kids and then picked up dinner and came home and that was this enough time. But everyone's like, she's bipolar, she's medicated. Oh, also, there were crushed of pills and she had.

18:52 Taken she had taken the pills herself. Well, yeah, aludedly she crushed took the pills.

18:58 So everyone's like, how did she have time to in forty minutes, She's on drugs, experiencing psychosis. Go down to the basement on a live three kids, go upstairs, move a king sized bed. She's her body temperatures at eighty three degrees, which is like subarctic. Cut herself in. She's a nurse in the wrong direction if you really are, I mean, I don't want to like no, no, no, but we're talking about being angle and then go out the window of the second story. So like, I know, people experiencing psychosis maybe aren't doing things logically. And so there are a lot of you know, armchair theorists who are always will be there, always will be. But he just hired an attorney because he testified the husband and

19:46 the criminal defense attorney for her brought up the fact that, oh and also he called her from the CBS while she was allegedly committing in those she called him back, and how there's a phone record. How long were they on the phone for like less than thirty seconds? Okay, he was confirming what the medication was. So people on the internet are saying he had her Apple Watch and answered the phone that way, and he was talking to himself.

20:17 There are some images from surveillance cameras. His outfits are kind of different from the takeout restaurant to the CBS allegedly, again, these are screenshots from the internet. Yep, I'm not saying that that's conclusive. No, it's not. But we've been here before. But it's us. I recognize that tree. Yeah, what's going on in the home. That's going on? Well, oh boy? Yeah, so wait and he sent an email possibly from his laptop at the home. Okay, during the thirty minutes of when all this is happening, and the laptop email evidence came up during his testimony, and then after that he he lawyered up what I think is happening. Yeah, is the attorney's doing a very good job. There's a lot of people are really loving this defense. Attorney. He is

21:11 putting forward like a traditional defense of psychosis, but he's also breadcrumbing the possibility that she didn't either act alone or that she was drugged like that there was foul play here on his part allegbly.

21:28 Well, I mean, again, you tell us because you're the attorney here, But is it that because it's not like they have to find her innocent, right, it is just not guilty and kind of not guilty in any kind of way that she could sort of swing it right.

21:45 So this is what I would do if I were the defense attorney on this case. Anytime you bring up, oh, Melissa did it, not Michael, the prosecution has a chance to conduct a full direct examination across examination and they can call their own expert witnesses as to why was this person over the other person during the course of a trial before closing arguments. So if this defense attorney brings up, oh, maybe Patrick did it and not her during open court, does it head on with Patrick on the stand, prosecution gets a chance to rehabilitate their witness.

22:25 If that defense attorney does a full psychosis case but drops in these little hints that maybe possibly Patrick did it, or just casts a little bit of doubt on whether or not she did it, then in closing, prosecution does their closing first. Then the prosecution rests. They are not allowed to come back. They can object if something crazy happens, but they don't get to introduce new evidence. Once they rest, the defense attorney can call back to those breadcrumbs during their closing argument. That is like my theory of what will happen, and that he'll mention, oh maybe it was Patrick, throw a little bit of doubt in there. But the trial is about psychosis, Like these are affirmative defenses. They're saying,

23:17 you know, pleaded the insanity please, So has she testified? No she has not. So Like, on one hand, that's like kind of the theory, I'm thinking that will maybe happen and at the end of the trial. The other thing is that there's a lot that that criminal defense attorney knows that we don't know of course watching Yeah, so they could have had extensive conversations about how she was feeling or her memory. Is that we just are never going to know those privileged conversations. These are all interesting theories of who could have possibly done it or what actually happened that night, well was the motivation behind it, But we don't know what those privileged conversations are. She could be talking to him about like, yeah, I remember

23:58 doing it. These are the voices I was he hearing, this is this is what that experience was like. But it's brought up this like enormous other conversation about postpartum care. This woman was asking for help. She had a psychiatrist, she had a therapist, she was in and out of treatment. She had talked to all of her friends about how she wasn't sleeping, she wasn't feeling well, she did feel like herself. It's cry for help, asking for help, and.

24:24 They're not getting it. Yeah, right, And you know, I think that that happens quite a bit. I think that they're hopefully less now, but they not enough people take what women say seriously about their health, about how they're feeling, about things, about experiences that they've had. I sort of jokingly say this all the time. If the only way to test for testicular cancer was to put a guy's nuts and advice, they'd be a better way to do it, right, Yeah, But every year, every year, every year, I got to go in and get my boob smashed, and it's not it hurts, like, do.

25:06 You know what I mean?

25:07 And I think that that is and I think we had talked about this the other day also about all the testing and studies that have been done surrounding autism have been for little white boys. So there is we don't respect women in this country. We don't think that their care requires more investigation. So here's this woman, way before anything happened to her children, who said I am not okay, right, And she was somebody who had the resources, she was a labor and delivery nurse, right, And she was going to people, all the people who should be able to help her, to say I'm not doing well, I'm not okay, I don't like how I feel. I have never bounced back, and they kept on sending her home.

26:02 It's like we never left the fifties given women value and saying that the vapors like truly.

26:09 Like it's just like hysteria. Yeah, right, yeah, it's just I wonder I mean. And in the end, here's this woman who never got the care that she needed, and now we have three dead children.

26:27 Right. And now, what.

26:30 I was talking about this this week on vacation is that we as just a I think a nation, as a population of people, we don't ever seem to learn anything.

26:39 Right.

26:40 How many times do the same things need to happen again? How many times do we need to see a genocide in one place only to have it happen elsewhere?

26:51 Right?

26:52 How many times do women have to say to you this is an experience that I had for people to believe them. How many you know, how many how.

27:03 Many doctor's appointments are we going to go to where we're like, oh, hey, I have these five symptoms and they're like, it's anxiety, it's anxiety. I mean, I'm not a woman, and I get that all the time because I have anxiety and I'm a neurotic asshole. Every time I go to the doctor, they're like, you're fine, it's not so you just have a stomach ache. And I have to be like, yo, I know you're using chat gibtwo too. That's what I looked it up, and I've got the same I've got the same thing on my screen that you do exactly. So let's write the script baby, you know, like, yeah, I hear you. So it's just like one of these where it's like how many times do we have to have that? When I was in law school, my friend had a bunch of friends who

27:49 were medical school and I was asking them. I was like, Oh, how did they train you to handle like trans patients, like sensitivity training. I'm sure there's like is it like a six week no? Is it like a weekend thing? And they were like, no, They're like, I think we covered it. Just the procedure, like the one procedure from the.

28:07 Rn ecologists do not learn about perry menopause.

28:12 Oh, They're like, oh, it's just a pinch. I've seen those speculums.

28:15 They're like, you not get you started about about the just and also just sort of separately from perimenopause, just as a as a woman who has an IUD, when I tell you how painful it was.

28:29 It would be full anesthesia if men had to get iud's one hundred.

28:33 And I know I'm thinking about it, and I know that I have to get it out soon, and I don't want to do it.

28:37 Oh my god, cuz it's gonna I'm getting a cavity. And I'm like, give me the anesthesia, knock me out. I don't want to be here for it again. We don't need just here, give me the Michael Jackson shit, just like, knock me out for like a day or two. Just give me a little break from consciousness. Just getting that didn't end well for him, So maybe we don't.

28:56 We don't want that picked me up with the MJE Maybe you don't.

29:00 I think I remember one time really thought this is a really long time ago.

29:11 And I was dating somebody and he didn't feel well and and I was like, you need to take like ni quill or something, and we didn't have what he needed. And I was like, here, what you're gonna do.

29:24 You're gonna take this one thing and then you're going to follow it up with this other thing. And he was like, why are you trying to Michael Jackson? Me what?

29:34 I can't even remember what it was that I was telling you to do.

29:37 And he was like, Michael Jackson and that what's wild is that you were the pharmacologist. You have this fully figured out. Yeah, I mean I had.

29:46 I had all the things, is for the one thing that I really needed. So I was gonna make you.

29:50 This is the guy at my high school who was in the kitchen cooking up crack at the party. It's like, does I don't have any go took it to the kitchen, started cooking.

30:02 But yeah, but we do not take the time to listen to the needs of women. We do not take the time to do the proper investigation that is required. Yeah, you cannot treat a postpartum woman the same way that you do a man.

30:23 Yeah, that's just it does not it's and I guess like my advice is like, if you have a friend who is saying any of these things. It doesn't have to be the Lindsey Clancy case, but if you have a friend who is reaching out or you hear your friend talk about this. I always have this thing inside of me that's like, I'm not going to be this dramatic diva who like reports right or like hmm it's like hey, you need help. But I actually I've started to do it more done because I'm like, this is it's like the school shooters, right, oh wo how could we were all shocked to learn and then we get like the locker full of the notebooks. Right, it's like right, or are you hear signs? Are there? Or you hear like other kids who were just like yeah, no, he

31:05 was weird, do you know what I mean?

31:07 Like, And that's the thing, you know, It's.

31:09 That it's to see something, say something, see something say something. And so I'm just like I have started to be more like you know what, I'd rather be called the dramatic gay guy who calls the mom or who calls the husband or the partner the police. Yeah, calls whomever. Then the person who is like being interviewed on the news filled with regret.

31:30 Yeah, yeah, you know this is this is no matter how you turn this Lindsey Clancy story.

31:39 Around, tragedy, tragedy and I.

31:44 And I can only only hope, but I don't have a whole lot of it.

31:49 But I only hope that something comes from this. Your mother's hood is so isolating. Yeah, I've heard, I've heard. Anyway, all right, let's take a break because Brian's in the studio. We've got Brian Safie with us. I'm really excited. Who is just like a huge monster. So I'm excited for you to meet him. Yeah, he's like a nightmare to work with. Do you think he'll answer my questions about nine one one? Yeah? Oh yeah, I think so.

32:18 I like ask Michael'm weirdly obsessed with that show for sick.

32:23 Sick for sure, sick. You don't care about Traders at all, but you love nine on one. Yeah. Yeah, and you've got you've got a Trader player in the house with you. What's in it for me? Yeah? Yeah, you get to pull the pluck. Okay, we'll be right back. Shut up for one second, Welcome back to Brief Recess. We're here with the inimitable Brian Sofie, who is in any Emmy.

32:50 He's an any award, mean, any award I'll take. I'll take any one of us. Emmy Award winner actor writer can mean. I gone. You've seen him in ABC's nine one one, which is Melissa's favorite show. And I'm not kidding.

33:08 She's a really serious I really love.

33:14 This throws me beyond. I'm so happy. You may have seen me and Brian cross episodes on Ask Ran. Yes, that's right. Yeah, we give a little advice. We did, Yes, disturbed, Michael gave graded.

33:29 I never gave good advice, Like my advice is just so os never take it.

33:34 But Rana and Michael gave really good Well I always try. I was trying to do like, let's be funny, but also at the end, oh we did, we did, don't you remember? It was something and I started singing, I believe yea yeah that's underneath it. Rana, so his was Rana. I got a huge fight with her about some I don't remember attorney client privilege. She was asking me to like breach privilege, like she was asking some wildish shit like, girl, don't start.

34:01 And I was so uncomfortable. I'm so conflict of oid on that I was like, if I say, it'll least soothed.

34:06 Me conflict avoid. And yet has a show currently up right now in New York City, Yes, called are you mad at Me? Where you? What I want to say is maybe aggressively confront the audience. Okay, you know what, yes, but answer a question. I'm actually trying to seek approval. Like we've gotten to the point where I will ask the audience like, what do you think so far? Are you having any thought?

34:33 Does he get answers? Yeah, yeah, what kind of answers? Two nights ago, a lady just stonewalled me.

34:39 I mean she gave me nothing, and I was like, okay, but that's also a gift. And then another let's see the most reason when I got she's the weird one there. Absolutely it's not you anymore.

34:49 And sometimes you'll see and I think it's from like the New York Times, a little thing about my show. And I think I can always tell you who comes from there, because that's the FSA, and so it's these and it was her, it was her. And then in the lady came and I was like, how are you liking it? And she goes, I think it's a gas and I was like, what fabulous? And by the way, she looked miserable, but she loved it.

35:11 That's very New York though. They love you so much bitterer and getting nothing. Yes, And I will say the night I was there, the ac was broken. I was opening night.

35:19 Here's what you don't do for an opening night, okay planet the night of the World Cup final that morning, forty people canceled it. They didn't make it. It was one of the saddest own. The party was fun and the show was fun, but the attendance was like, it was my fault. I should never It was trash. I was there, it was now. Michael was there and Anna was there and that was great.

35:45 So unless you are somebody who's tuned into soccer, yeah, how would you.

35:51 Well, that's why I was there, Rifa, I don't know who that is. Here's the thing. I am zero in tune with that stuff, right. I thought the whole city was out of tune with that stuff. I mean the days were not. Yeah, it wouldn't give a ship.

36:03 But no, even then, because if you went into like any of the gay bars even they were all airing it constantly and well.

36:08 Okay, so let me just there are some very attractive Oh it could be that beyond. Yeah, they're trying to they're trying to catch.

36:18 I will say, I think they might be the sexiest professional athletes.

36:23 I'm going to go on, Yes, I think they're right. I think so.

36:27 I think so common below. I mean, I mean there's sexy athletes in all the sports. Yes, common sport.

36:35 That's the sex right, I've only happened to watch two sports in women's hurling. The other thing I.

36:44 Think about the it's so it's players that we don't get to see because the United States, yes, is not really a soccer kind of mission, and so we've never seen these people. And it's sort of like across all ethnicists. So it's different kinds of sexiness, right completely, and.

37:04 We actually get I mean, it's really the only time well, I guess the Olympics, but it's the only time that you but the Olympics is different because you never really get the same chance to root for another country in that way really, and in the World Cup you kind of could, like I wouldn't watch the matches, but I still had a favorite.

37:18 Yeah, I think the world.

37:20 Didn't you, like, yeah, it was right.

37:28 Of the The cool.

37:32 Thing about that is that I think very few people had ever heard of Cave Verdice and here comes this. It's like the Cinderella story, right, and like the and the way that they got the players were. They put an add on LinkedIn.

37:48 Wait are you serious? Hands to God, and the guys just showed up.

37:52 And the main goalie his day job is like bus driver slash electrician and he's forty.

38:00 That's that's actually really cool aspirational. Yes, And second of all, I need to start posting for dates on LinkedIn or something.

38:09 I think, so get out there if you want to put your Craigslist ads up there on LinkedIn. I thought that's good.

38:14 Yeah, honestly those were the days crew you genuinely didn't get murdered.

38:21 No, you did not know, but who? But that was part of the fun. What was it that?

38:24 What was My favorites were like missed opportunities whatever, the connections.

38:30 Yes, posted one, but the guy responded nothing Okay. Literally the response was oh yeah that's me. And I was like, great, I basically wrote a love letter to you. And he was like Yeah, that was me. It's so funny. And I was like, that's hilarious. You want to hang out, no ghosted.

38:52 Repelling men, since what you're.

38:54 Was, oh my god, let's see two thousand and eight. Yeah, exactly, good year Obama. But this might have been pre mom. We might have still been No, yeah, we were still we were still in Bush. It was like the last month you could.

39:06 Have celebrated that inauguration with him if you just posted it a month. I got to find that email. You got to find it, read a dramatic reading and put it in your show and put it in my show. I've got all my show, and so there's a lot of crowd work in the show. Yes, the show changes every night. Yeah, okay, so you called CJ a threat when he went I did, oh good because I got to say, CJ, you know what, It's just it happens to be that way because I always try to do that to like, truly the friendliest face in the audience.

39:32 So it's actually very threatening energy. And I have to say I.

39:35 Only ever try to do the crowd work on people who are looking at me, like if anyone if I'm approaching the crowd and people look away.

39:41 I'm like, okay, I won't like, I don't want to make it comfortable. So I was locked in. Yes, you're in active participants. The person who was fixing the a C. Brian goes up to them and he goes, so, how's it going, How's how's that? How's the how's the A C? Con along? It's getting kind of hot out here. The person's like, you know, we're really working on it. He goes, great, I'm going to continue to check in. I'll keep checking in with you and how it's going. Me like ship they maybe I really don't like being on stage.

40:10 It was like you weren't you were off the stage, you weren't even mid Really they felt very but it was like the voice of.

40:16 God with the voices yeah yeah, telling us that we're burning. Because that's the problem is like my ADHD can be so bad that like if any if I hear anything, if I see anything, I have to address it. If you guys want to, if you guys want to diagnose Brian, you can be write into us and let us know. They love letting us know. They tell us Melissa has joarndice.

40:33 She's just what she's.

40:35 Wait, what are the signs of Johnice again, yellow bronkins.

40:42 She's just like, also like doing something fun up with your eyes or now maybe I'm lorong. Oh yeah, that's right, you're stunning.

40:52 Forget about that.

40:53 That's true. The wise of your eyes are.

40:55 Yellow when you have this, because I remember on my colleague you would know that because you're one one and as a.

41:03 The number one show for John Questions, I would know.

41:09 That's wild that people say a lot of this little van on my forehead, this dot, people have me. People want to diagnose it, people getting cancer something. It's just tell you that with the dot on my nose right here. Yeah. People want, they want to and I'm like a das a freckle. They want to, but they're they're also looking out for us, which I appreciate, so maybe they're not looking out for her.

41:37 People people got really up, so Michael went on a tear about.

41:41 Where are you from? By the way, Okay, Mike, I want to tear about the people from Boston, okay, And they want to trouble so much trouble.

41:50 I talked about how I don't like picky eaters and I am a horrible person.

41:54 Yeah, because you said you don't like picky Eaters.

41:57 Yeah, wow, they came from my edges.

42:00 That's John. Honestly, you're taking a lot of negative boxes. There are really striking, you know.

42:09 I and my my feeling is as somebody who grew up as a child of immigrants, of Haitian immigrants. You can't hurt my feelings because my parents already did it.

42:18 And you, okay, so made steal completely non controversial figures, just no controversies at all.

42:30 You used to work for Ellen? I did, and so what was that like? Well, you know, I recently I did not know that I did. Okay, early in my career. Recently tried to writer. Yes, I worked for her. I recently checked to see when it expired, and it turns out it expires when I do you what you did on that show? I was a writer.

42:55 So like her jokes and stuff when she came out her monologue and then all this stuff really the first act of the show, like the stuff she would do at the desk before the guest came out for Dave lamanould be like a top ten list.

43:06 She would do like comedy pieces.

43:07 Of this, yeah, like her dancing please like please that her own thing.

43:11 Yes, okay, I don't think you can.

43:13 Write no, no, no, no, I meant I meant.

43:15 Step touch step touch No no, no, no, you can't write that. We're really putting Brian in a bind. I know.

43:23 I'm just curious, like, is it like were you like, oh, it might be fun and fill some time if you dance, you know what I mean and the audience going, right, that's what I meant.

43:31 Yes, No, that was always a given. She was. She would always do that, Okay, for sure. It was The writing was like please, welcome to the stage, diddy, right, it was like stuff like that. Well, no, they were actual jokes.

43:48 I did more than fill in a mad list.

43:55 When you write jokes for people like that, is it just you or is it a bunch of you?

44:00 So every show works a little differently. For that, it was they would assigned one writer on the monologue, two writers on the desk pieces. Okay, so that day.

44:09 When you were doing the monologue, you were on your own, but you would you could go to some of the other writers for punch ups. But everyone there and in other writers rooms, are different. Everyone there. It was very individualistic there. It's just what that was sort of the culture more than like let's share ideas about something.

44:26 Gotcha? Gotcha?

44:27 And did you always do the same thing or were you sometimes working with the other person so.

44:31 You would switch off you I would rotate exactly, so one day you'd have the monologue and then like the next day you would do the desk piece and that kind.

44:38 Of Okay, every day, that's a lot.

44:41 Yeah, it was every day we would shoot. I think most daytime stuff DOESN'TY would shoot two on Thursdays. You would be off on Friday.

44:49 It was a grunt and it.

44:50 Was like, I mean, it could be exciting in some ways because you are literally feeding a newscript into the prompter as she's walking out. Some days like there changes because.

45:00 You know that's like that's like for us. Yeah, well we get here and he puts the the demo all on my tongue to massages the throat. That's one. He says, nice kitty, that's a kitty kitty.

45:12 But he'll just like throw in a random guess, Yeah, what's coming with going? This is a fully teleprompter check. Everything's pretty I can't attest to that because all my answers have been said.

45:24 That care required. So Michael's been a great boss.

45:29 How iron Clad is your non disclosure?

45:31 We took no comment.

45:35 C J has a baby on the way. He's not saying anything.

45:38 Okay, yeah, fair enough. Keep this going coming every minute. That's so sweet. Do you have a good lawyer for the baby?

45:47 I guess you know that much about babies. I guess that's the question when someone says they're having a baby to Brian is does the baby have lawyer with a former paralegal? You watch A Boss Baby voiced by Alec Baldwin before that. Is he great to talk about? No? No, nothing problematic. Everyone in the room go around, and everyone go around and say, you're Alec Baldwin experience, because everyone in New York has seen him or had some sort of fucking interaction with that. Yeah, I've seen him out of Soul Cycle class. I've seen him in the park on the phone like yelling at something right. Yeah, was he a big grunter in Soul Cycle? Back row DIVA.

46:32 What is your Alec Baldwin story?

46:34 Oh, I've seen him so many times at Union Square. I've seen him with his kid. This is before he had all of the other ones.

46:42 That was like the first o G kid. Oh, the one he called the pig.

46:45 No no, no, no, no, no, not that long ago after her he did I think he did call her.

46:50 No, no, no, I think it was a fat little pig, is what you No, no, no, no, it wasn't that. It was a selfish little pig. It was a selfish little Yeah. Okay, well that's actually not that bad. My mom was like, well is she sober? Literally?

47:06 I remember the first time I saw Mommy dearst and my I don't mind. I was like another case and I watched it and I was like, my dream as a kid was to have a parent dish gentlemy dearis.

47:21 I was like, God, honestly, Christina needed to shut the f that hanger out. Yeah.

47:29 My favorite Mommy Dearest scene is when she's in the She's the're so many the conference room with all the guys, and she's like, don't fuck with me, fellas, I made pepsicoa what it is today.

47:45 She's wearing that like Siberia. Oh it's so good. Oh it's incredible, it's so good.

47:51 And what really pains me is that there are people, young people who have not seen this and don't understand the reference, which.

47:59 Is crazy because that's like lexicon like, I mean, let's like, yeah, a culture.

48:02 I mean, maybe it is because some of my old ass gen like I just because I remember when came out, like I don't know, but like it bothers me that they were young and they're a young gay men, which means that you two are not doing what you should be doing.

48:15 You know what, I don't know the reference.

48:16 You know what, You're right, they're all poppered up and gooning. I gotta, I gotta they are, Yeah, they are, They're all gooning. Do you want to know that? Someone recently asked me, this is how truly I will go down in historys the dumbest guests on your podcast. Someone in like it was one of those men on the street things in Washington Scrip Park, and someone stopped me and they were like, what do you do with poppers? The first thing that came to my mouth, No, like poppers to have gay sex.

48:41 I guess, oh, sorry, no, it's fine.

48:43 They said, what do you do with poppers? Why was my answer? Maybe I was thinking alopano. Yeah, this was a gay person who asked me. I said, put them in your mouth, like the dumbest person alive. But maybe I was thinking Alopano Melissa without knowing you made me feel so much.

48:58 Better because I have to tell you. God forbid.

49:01 Somebody comes to me on the street and ask me and I'm I'm.

49:03 Like, I don't like halpen Pathos. Yeah, I'm going to get a DM in a week. I drank poppers because Brian said so, no, don't drink. Then I don't drink poppers. It's CCR cleaner, guys, it's VCR cleaner. And how they still sell it without actually selling VCRs. It's a mystery. Someone tried to buy a vc Where can you buy one?

49:23 I'm buying v sars with my poppers because I want people to know about do you know I time of poppers? You're buying a full VCR? Yeah, just I want to I want to cover story, you know, like it's yeah, I don't want people to really get into my business. You know it's not suspicious. Someone buying gives me VR every month. I'm sorry, do you have any more of those VCRs? So that I got month a monthly supply of poppers? I have no idea done poppers. Someone tried someone tried to get me to do them. And what did you say? Okay, So I didn't know what they were. Yeah, okay, it was give me a prop and it was like we were playing pool at a bar. Yeah, and he was like jowan some and held it right up under my nose, expressive, and so I smelled it and I

50:09 was like, just in the vicinity smelled crazy? Did you get like contemporary high? It was like smelling salts. I was like, that's the crazy, Like I like recoiled, right, Is that what you would do? Yeah? I have done them. Like, honestly, this is going to sound like a lie, but truly, maybe two or three times. I feel like you tell us if it were more like, I don't feel like you're a purist, like I don't think pop every day?

50:32 Yeah you feel like yeah, fully yes exactly, just like a yeah, yeah, I'm not a pop peat But why is this? Like this is from like Batman times. I did it. I was like, this is great. I loved it. We've had this talk before about how immigrant parents.

50:48 Well not just that, but Michael was talking about this one time when he was like fifteen, the first time he got high, and I was I was like, where did you get the D I did not. There were no rugs in my life at all as a kid, and anytime I hear someone saying, oh, the first time I got high, I was fifteen, I'm always like, where'd you get that?

51:07 I wouldn't know where to get the drugs. My sister's boy when we were at the car wash and we went and we went through the car wash. Where did people get drugs back then? I don't know where he got those from, which.

51:16 Is concerning, I know, because I feel like, you know, what's so funny you say fifteen, that was the first time I wear it?

51:22 Come from magic age? I don't know.

51:24 I think that came from I think it came from my brother. I think the first time I got high was with my brother and two of my other friends. And I remember it being I mean, I only ever I'm such, I'm so, I'm just getting erotic when I'm high, like I'm not.

51:37 Yeah, I know, yeah, I'm not. Time.

51:40 So, before you came here, we were talking about our favorites. I thought you were about to say before you go, and I was like, are you serious?

51:45 No, no, no, Before you came here, we were talking about our famous favorite plot points from nine to one one Okay, the show that you're on Yes, which is on ABC or Hulu. Okay, well, I'll move my mouth and you say that I'm sorry when we were on abes see or Hulu. There we go. We got it. So you have to understand Melissa and I are good friends with our most chaotic people, bestie Alissa. We all share a brain cell and custody of each other. So nice.

52:17 We're keeping each other alive. We're all tauruses, yes, so, and tauruses work well with other toruses, I think so. I don't think we work well with anybody. Yeah, right, we don't know. We just found each other and didn't sort of bonded. Okay, okay, and but every what is it Monday nights when one is on Thursday nights? Okay, that's correct. Yeah, I think it used to be Monday, Yes, exactly. Yeah.

52:42 Telling Brian when his own show is Wow, the opposite happened? You said Monday? I said, First.

52:49 I said, I ignore him, and I said, I think it used to be on originally.

52:55 Roll back that's right, roll back the feet and play it for yourself, America. So on this show, Melissa, I've never seen it. God bless you, but I haven't seen it and Melissa would text the group with me and Melissa the plot, yes, of that night's episode. Absolutely, And I would also I would record my TV. I'm like, this is what's happening for this is happening. So it would be like car gets sucked into tornado. This is the text I'm getting, Yes, lands between two buildings, babies trapped.

53:27 This would just be like.

53:27 The text, not the one that's not it, but it would be something of that.

53:31 That's you were mixing two episodes. See, and this is where the lore this is like when you bring up the mist Game of Thrones, people are like, oh, actually, yes, do you know what this is? What it's like? No, that's not true. I think I saw too, and you know, you know what, can you believe it? No? No, I know.

53:49 I'm embarrassed. No, I think there's a promised land like waiting for you in the afterlife because you didn't watch any of it really exactly.

53:56 I feel that's one of those that shoere I regret not watching and breaking bad. Every audience literally all tuned out. They're like, no they mutch breaking back.

54:03 No, it's all. It's all.

54:05 There are a lot of people they're like, who have a lot of my cousin have a lot of cousins. One of my cousins is so proud of the fact that she has never seen not one episode of Game of Thrones. Okay, she's like, she's just like, I just couldn't didn't want to.

54:18 Now I'm not going to just suspine you. Yeah, wow, you do you also, do you keep up with like The Wonder of the Dragon or whatever? That?

54:25 Okay, that's no, because I'm pissed off about how Game of Thrones ended.

54:29 So I was She's really, I'm very I started watching and I was like, this is chopped, and I kept moving on with that. Guy is going to die before he writes the rest of those books. Oh the Els. It's written by George R. R.

54:46 Martin.

54:47 George R. Martin, Yes, yes, who did not write Harry Potter or Oh Lord of the Rings. No, I'm telling you guys, Okay, yes, thank you. I was not. I was confused because I was confused. Yeah, thank you for honestly, thank you for clarifying that, because it's really been a concern of my fire show. Okay, so our favorite plot points from now I'm okay, Okay, Melissa's got a fangirl for a minute, I do.

55:13 Okay, So I think there are a few episodes, but I think my favorite one might be the one where there was some kind of a power outage or something and all the animals got loose from the zoo and there was like just a giraffe walking down the bab Yeah, and I the tarp and I.

55:35 Yes, I said that one too. There was another one with tart pit. Was it the same episode? No, it wasn't. No, thank you, okay, I'm telling you.

55:43 I am in I am in this. I love this show. And what I think. So what I was afraid of I was like, I was asking Michael and C I'm like, is he taking his this show really seriously?

55:54 Because I don't.

55:55 I'm afraid to explain that A part of the reason why I love the show is the campiness.

56:02 Absolutely of the show.

56:04 Is that this stuff seems so it's so ridiculous that it is incredibly entertaining, and I am.

56:11 Locked into it.

56:12 I'm so glad, I really am, and I genuinely love it.

56:17 I have to say, like genuinely it is.

56:21 First of all, everyone on it is like so lovely and nice, and we were about to go into our tenth season starting in October, which is so it's like a very well oiled machine, except when it comes to it's just so exciting to get that script.

56:33 Every time, it'd be like, what's happened?

56:35 Yes, it's so, and it's like and you know, and I think we were saying early it's like sometimes there are like a few things in there that like have a sprinkling of truth. Yes, Like I remember one Jennifer loved to her character was in postpartum.

56:49 Yes, that was really interesting. Your character had a really interesting episode where I think you were flashedback, you met, you came across your attacker, right, that was a really.

56:58 Interesting And then but then they took what happened, They took the nine on one Center hostage, and then I was taking hostage.

57:06 Yes, yes, Michael, yeah, no, take a tip. It was this is like the Iranian hostage crisis of seventy two. It was. It was interesting.

57:16 And then and then there are things are like insane, Like I was telling Michael and CJ. One of my other favorite episodes is like this guy stuck his hands in a wood chipper and you think immediately I'm like, oh god, yeah, let me guess his hand's gonna.

57:28 Get chopped up. No, no, no, that's not what happens.

57:31 His ring gets sucked up into it somehow, and he's like, oh, I'm okay, but my ring is off and him and his dad are playing golf, and all of a sudden, the ring comes careening out of the wood chipper and lodges itself into this man's throat.

57:45 Yeah, and now he's all like, you never know.

57:48 I mean, that is true. They do a lot of fake outs like that. I mean, if everything's okay in that horrible situation and then bam.

57:54 And then if I had a dollar for every time a ring flew out of a wood chipper, I gotta tell you, I gotta tell you. Yeah.

58:00 Another time there was a wedding episode, see I really like it, MADD's wedding or different wedding, A different wedding.

58:05 It was a different wedding.

58:06 And then a plane flew over it and a dead body, yes, out of the plane and like landed and it was frozen.

58:15 Yes, can I tell you? Yes?

58:17 It would be if I knew that was going to happen, it would be the only wedding I would ever r s vps.

58:22 Oh, yes, it would be that, don't send a gift to that one. No, you gotta go. Yeah, absolutely, I want the shrimp cocktail.

58:29 No, I'm glad you appreciate it in that way because people can enjoy it on like various levels, and it's the it's the.

58:36 I think what I love is like the campiness and also like the fact that Angela Bassett and then and then like I'm so sorry that I don't remember his name, but he's he's now, he's gone, he died.

58:49 Peter.

58:49 Yeah, I loved him when he was on the Six Feet under right, and then and also the Lone Star one.

58:56 With I mean Rob, the heart throb of my youth. Come on, I know, it's fully a joy to work on it. I'm so happy you watch it. I really do watch it, and I really do love it. I'm glad. It must be very fun to film. It's so fun. Does everyone who's sorry go ahead?

59:12 No, I was just gonna say it's so fun to film, but you really are. It's just funny when you're when you're being directed and you're acting it because you really are taking it very seriously. Otherwise camp doesn't work, you know what I mean? Yeah, so you really actually all are giving it. You're all and like being just worked up and devastated by these situations.

59:32 So it is in that way it can be not difficult to shoot, but it is it wears on you a little bit, you know. Yeah, I mean it's still like a really hard job even though then, but it's so fun.

59:44 It was a reality show that I was watching where it's like people they don't meet each other, but they fall in love behind. So I don't watch things like that, but my friend made me watch it, and I I found myself getting a little bit invested. And then I was like, you know what, I'm not going to watch another episode of this. I'm not going to watch another season.

1:00:10 I'm just going to watch this one. I'm going to see how it ends. But not Megan Fox and the other guy.

1:00:16 And oh my god, remember such a good season two. That was the only season that I watched.

1:00:22 Not Megan Fox and the other guy who like it first was so charming and then that unravels and then he just became like.

1:00:28 He was like he just at the end, he was like room temperature milk.

1:00:33 Yes, right, and never would always wear loafers, no socks, which like like not even no shows. Yeah, oh yes, it was just And then there was like the one the woman who was like the Patriot, Yes, the maganism reality television is a real thing.

1:00:52 Is I'm definitely a patriot. I'm like, well, now I hate you.

1:00:54 Yeah, I already didn't like you.

1:00:56 My taste has gone truly to the absolute diregs. But my friend Michelle Collins, you know her, she's a comedian. She got me into Married at First Sight. And there's someone who claims my friend was supposed to go on really okay, And there was someone on there who claimed to be who claims who says like, I'm like, yeah, I guess you could say I'm magga, but I'm very magal light, Like I believe in the right social issues, but I'm maga light.

1:01:21 I'm like, there's no such thing.

1:01:22 But then they said the interviewer said, where do you come down on January sixth? And she goes, I don't what's January sixth?

1:01:32 Was like, you just picked not knowing who can reeves is really it's crazy. My friend who was supposed to go on that show showed the contract to her dad's lawyer and the lawyer was like, you're absolutely not signing. This her contracts you literally have to agree to marry a person, yeah, ahead of time. So the contract is crazy, like the what you're agreeing to your signing and like, yes you can get divorced, but the contract was just so wild.

1:02:07 Yeah that she was like my dad and his lawyer would not let me go on it. I guarantee she's one of the only people who's ever had a lawyer. Look at those things and those people are just one again. And it was like the first season, so no one had ever heard of the show.

1:02:20 Before, or just somebody with the family that loves them. Yeah. Aska is all about advice, So I thought you could stick around for our DMS. We're going to read questions people send us and you can tell us give good advice. This is Tales from the DMS where we answer all the wicked and wild, freaky, nasty, insane one armed things you send us. They do a lot of questions about having one arm. Really, Yeah, it's become.

1:02:46 A Scene's become a funny. Had you all talked about that or something one time? Oh okay, I'm all less.

1:02:52 Yeah, anyway, you have a line that's true.

1:02:55 Friends, what do I always say while Michael is a lawyer. He's not your lawyer, so get your own.

1:03:01 That's disclaimer on a podcast. Ever, by the way, it is its.

1:03:06 Immediately answer mad or not mad? Friend canceled dinner after thirty minutes before.

1:03:10 I'm not mad. I'm by the way, I'm thrilled. You're like, I'm secretly. I'm secretly I love this.

1:03:18 A car honks at you the second that light turned green.

1:03:21 I mean, I am annoyed, but not mad. I've always wanted to do that to a cop, and idea that would be a great idea. I will tell you I am guilty of doing that. No Melissa Green with Melissa it's great.

1:03:39 I feel though they're right. Yeah, like I probably was not paying attention, pay attention. Yeah, I was on my phone.

1:03:46 When you're a friend tells you you look tired, not mad, hurt. I think, I'm like do I Yeah? You know what I mean? Yeah, a friend watches your Instagram story but doesn't text you back. Not mad. Oh I don't care. I don't care about that.

1:04:09 Someone heckles your show, but you made it funny. My grateful yeah, always yes, grateful audience participation.

1:04:18 They're engaged. If you're hackling. Yes, a chatty uber driver. Oh I'm I'm I'm mad. I'll be honest. You would you please? Just not? I know. In la now they can ask you if you want, like to check, get the uber X because at LAX you have to get the uber X. If you want curb sides your shot, you have to get Yeah that's what I yeah, yeah, And before they pick you up, it says you can opt talking or no talking, or music music or like temp.

1:04:45 Yeah it's in the app now on left, on left.

1:04:48 Before I had my own massage therapist, if I went to like a random place, I would always say I prefer a silent massage.

1:04:56 Because I'll tell you that a girl that is even worse than a talk itive, because you will.

1:05:01 You'll fill the whole hour fully, won't. He'll do the set. I'll do the full set. I like, I hate it, I get it. I'll do the special. I'll do the little special. I'll get five cameras in there.

1:05:18 One more.

1:05:21 Friend tells you they're a life coach.

1:05:22 Now, oh gosh, so mad, so mad, so mad always the friend who should not be coaching anyone always, and that.

1:05:35 The really the journey is typically like friend personal trainer. No such thing as the mood landing like.

1:05:44 The journey Kem Trails exactly staged. It's true that the journey for the results CrossFit. Yeah, vaccines give you auto like coach. Yeah, that's the track. Someone wrote in with and said that he was working out a nel salon and someone booked a full fifty minute manicure, but she only had one arm, and then so they went crazy style on the one hand, right, and then she asked for a fifty percent discount after and it's divided our audience. Yeah, and now we have become the place where people ask their disability, their one limb questions. Can I say something having never ever had a manicure? You've never had a manicure.

1:06:36 I don't think I've ever had. What should I do? You don't what I mean to do?

1:06:38 I have all these plans for after this week because my show finishes this Yeah, all these plans and go to a spa.

1:06:44 I'm going to go to your masseuse. I'm going to go to your acupuncturist. I'm going to go. I'm going to go.

1:06:50 Even better, I'm going to go and I'll go get a manicure. Okay, Yeah, yes, and pedicure.

1:06:54 I'll do both.

1:06:55 But my feeling is this, and this is a blind guess. If you're already doing one hand, doesn't the other hand only take like ten more minutes? No, because I was going to say, if it's the same amount of time, now do eighty minutes on one hand and ten on the other. It doesn't make sense when you think about it.

1:07:20 But if you don't think about it for a second, I was like, if they're already doing one, maybe the other one.

1:07:23 Is like they sneak it and they can get bogot.

1:07:27 But okay, if that's not the case, then I believe she should have paid or they should have paid fifty percent less. However, I do think that that person also should have called beforehand and said, like do you give I have one?

1:07:40 I only need it on one hand?

1:07:41 Do you give fifty percent and shopped around that way, or like do you get a break for just if I just one hand?

1:07:46 Yeah, probably should have done that.

1:07:47 I think.

1:07:48 I never think you accept a service and then haggle afterwards, to the haggle upfront, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, I agree. You know that from being in New York for so long. Excuse me, you've been here. Are you kidding to town?

1:08:00 He came in with the Chinatown knockoff. I did all the backpath. Yeah, the boo boo.

1:08:07 I'm the worst Negotia. Honestly, you'll China go name your worst price. Yes, yeah, man, you got it to hire.

1:08:17 Believe this.

1:08:17 This Vatada tells for three thousand. I got it for twenty eight hundred.

1:08:26 Okay. We had an episode where Michael's friend Ben, who's not my friend, he's a bartender, came on and I am a lightweight admittedly, so by the end of this episode, I drank half of Michael's drink and my drink. Oh they made you. He made you a drink this guy.

1:08:42 Okay, nice he did, and people keep on saying Melissa needs to drink more.

1:08:48 Yeah, great advice. Lgbt Q camper asked me, Hey, Michael, what kind of lawyers should tans people get right now? Just a lot of fear being detained for no reason, you know, like ninety percent current people in nice custody. Very serious question, Thank you for asking. It does kind of like depend on what the issue is if you're if you aren't immigrant and you're concerned about getting detained. Definitely, someone who specializes in immigration law. But if it it sort of I guess depends think about like the subject matter, right, is this landlord tenant kind of dispute? Is a potential criminal charge? That would be the kind of lawyer you're specializing, do you ever you're looking for.

1:09:29 I don't know anything about how like TLDF works or like LAMB illegal, but are those are okay?

1:09:35 Yeah?

1:09:35 Yeah, so I certainly hope yes. Yeah, they get that one. Nikla money yeah check.

1:09:42 Yeah. Those are great resources too, and I think I'm like registered with them, so I sometimes get requests. Yeah, I get requests that for like pro bono work through that. So you can also check that out as well.

1:09:55 We don't know what your name is, but I'm just going to read it the way that I see it. Call Meal five thirteen. She's they sent us this what WTF divorce ig post regarding the story that we had discussed about the woman who sent her ex like hundreds and thousands of lemons women arrested after hiring a woman arrested after hiring a clown to attend every one of her exce's softball games and clap sarcastically.

1:10:25 I love that that is that's a legendary. That's a good use of free will you think so?

1:10:30 And I think it's like and it's a clown paid and the economy in someone's pocket is a real art.

1:10:39 It is.

1:10:40 They may have gone to school for that and everything. Yeah, I'm all about it. I think that's great. I mean what bounds always? What is that that can't be illegal?

1:10:49 Is it?

1:10:50 No question? Right was arrested. It's like, I guess it's kind of harassment.

1:10:56 But okay, So I remember when we were talking about the lemon thing. This woman went to jail for the lemon tad lemon. Yeah, and I was trying to understand so she was just so this person, this woman was sending her ex husband or boyfriend one lemon a day.

1:11:11 I am truly in all, Yes, the dedication, it's so funny.

1:11:16 But I just can't understand why that's illegal.

1:11:19 Do you know what I mean? Right know, I'm with you. It's a lemon. It was a lemon. Anyway, it's such a good game. Who can I send a lemon to every day?

1:11:31 I don't know.

1:11:32 I got to make a list. I would love to do that. Is there anything you want to plug? Before we got out of here. Well, I have four more shows. Okay, I your camera tell them.

1:11:42 I have four more shows, my off Broadway show Are You Mad at Me? You can go to are Youmad at Me? Show dot com? I have one tonight Friday night and two on Saturday. So yeah, but get ready for a lot of audience participation. Yes, he asked, he asked my husband our full address?

1:12:00 Oh I did, and you didn't give it? Yeah, in a crowd of guess I don't need to know where I lives. Great, that's why I need yours like you need full of Yeah, you'll you'll text it to me. Yeah, I'm afraid you have scurty. And we were low key like fifteen minutes late to your show, so you I didn't even notice? Really you called it out in front of the whole audience, did I? Yeah? Why his show?

1:12:30 That is the right question. Okay, So, first of all, it was the day of the World Cup. I'm not were uber. We couldn't get uber way. Yeah really, yeah, I guess I could have. Thank you. I will also say I think I had that sickly spora. You're kidding, And so I was like, I don't know if I can be in an audience.

1:12:51 I don't know, Michael. I don't believe you, and I'll tell you why, because you're like, I would love it if you're just ship everywhere at my all dumbness, especially because especially the perfect temperature just to grab. But no, because I don't think anyone thinks they have it.

1:13:06 No, I think they know. Yes, I mean they're filling the bowl. But I was really sick and I did have a virtual with the doctor and he was like, you might have it, you might not, And he was like, you probably don't.

1:13:21 This is a weird diagnosis that would stayed all or cope, that would never happen on nine and he was a cute Jewish doctor. I asked him if he was single for Alissa and he said no, and then he said, can we please sent this call?

1:13:37 Yeah, You're like, I have the most explosive diary. You want to go straight? You straight? And are you single? Because you're a nice Jewish doctor and you're cute.

1:13:49 If you did have cyclospora and you came to my show, you you are a v and you give it to everyone we can hope.

1:13:56 Okay, thank you for coming? Are you crazy? Thank you for Yeah, I'm so like I love your show. I listened to it all the time and I'm thrilled to be here. Thank you, this is so much fun. Thank you for coming, for coming. All right, this has been Brief Recess. We'll see you next week, or we'll see you in court, not me. This has been an Exactly Right production recorded at iHeart Studios, hosted by me, Michael Foot, and me Melissa Malbranch. Our producer is CJ. Ferroni. This episode is edited by Mark Schroeder.

1:14:27 Our associate producer is Christina Chamberlain, and our guest booker is Patria Cottner.

1:14:31 Our theme song was composed by Tom Brifogel with artwork from Charlotte Delarue Manessa Lilac, with photography by Brad Obono.

1:14:38 Brief Recess is executive produced by Karen Kilgareff, Georgia hart Stark and Danielle Kramer.

1:14:43 You can find me on Instagram at Department of Redundancy Department or on TikTok at Michael Foot and I'm on both Instagram and TikTok as Melissa Albranch. Got legal questions, reach out at Brief Recess at exactlyrightmedia dot com. Listen to brief Recess on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts, and of course we're a podcast with video. Search for Brief Recess on YouTube