My T.C.W. with Bill Lawrence

0:00 This is how we do it. This is how we do it. This is how we do it.

0:06 Sha-na-na-na-na-na-na.

0:09 This is how we do it.

0:13 Sha-na-na-na-na-na-na. Good morning.

0:17 Good afternoon.

0:18 Hi, everybody.

0:19 Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, everybody.

0:21 I love you.

0:21 I love you. I love you.

0:23 Holy cow. Well, Joelle, first of all... Joelle, you look beautiful.

0:27 I don't know what's happening.

0:28 You look amazing.

0:29 I've been shopping.

0:31 Oh, my gosh.

0:32 Oh, I see. And Daniel, you've changed your look and your background.

0:36 I am... I mean, I guess I can tell the fans. I am currently in New York City.

0:42 Oh, wow, we're all jumping around the world.

0:45 Indeed, I'm meeting.

0:47 My girlfriend's family. You know what's messed up? The two black people aren't jumping around the world. The two black people aren't jumping around the world at all.

0:55 I had to meet my girlfriend's family for the first time. I'm sorry.

0:58 Oh, congratulations. That's amazing.

1:01 How'd it go? Did they like you? What's not to like? You're a charming motherfucker.

1:05 Well, you honor me. I really appreciate that. Haven't met yet. We got COVID tests this morning. So when we come back with negative results and we quarantine a little bit, then we'll be okay meeting people. But for the time being, we're shacked up, just kind of chilling.

1:16 Did you do the rapid test?

1:18 It is.

1:19 I think so. Yeah, we went to the hospital and got the nose swab. It's my first time getting a nose swab.

1:24 This is the thing everybody's doing.

1:26 They go deep. They go deep like Donald.

1:30 Wow.

1:30 This is the thing everybody's doing nowadays. Everybody's just getting that rapid test to make sure that they can hang out with each other.

1:36 Daniel, you should have told me. You could have hung out in my apartment.

1:38 I'm so sorry.

1:39 It's sitting there empty.

1:41 I didn't want to bother you. I'm so sorry. Next time I'll bother you for it.

1:45 Daniel, that's very interesting. Because when I ask for that shit, he tells me no every time.

1:50 Yeah, you know why? You know why? Because Daniel will fucking be respectful. I can picture you having like a party and smoking fucking jazz cabbage.

2:02 One, I don't have any friends other than you and Daniel and Joelle. And Daniel and Joelle and I don't hang out, okay?

2:10 Not yet. Wait till the tour bus. Wait till the tour bus.

2:14 Oh, baby.

2:15 Oh, my God. That's so dangerous. That's so dangerous.

2:18 No, but I can trust. I can picture trusting Daniel in my apartment, and I know that nothing would happen. With you, I can picture, like, you'd forget some candle next to the drapes and then backdraft.

2:34 I find that one offensive. Because what makes you think that I like candles? What the fuck is that about?

2:44 That's offensive. I don't like candles.

2:47 Everybody likes candles.

2:49 I am one of those people who does not like candles. I think, I mean, my wife loves candles, so they burn in our house. But I'm one of those people who's like, you're going to light a candle?

2:59 Is this like a fire hazard thing?

3:00 I just don't. I mean, it smells waxy and scented. The only candles I do like is at the hotel. Whatever that hotel is that's in New York City. And the lobby smells like... It smells like this certain candle. And apparently this candle costs a shit ton of money. I want to say it's the Bowery. I could be wrong.

3:20 The Bowery, probably. Yeah, the Bowery.

3:21 Is that the one with the club in the lobby?

3:23 It's not a club. It's like a really sexy lounge.

3:26 There's one that has literally a club right next door. Like, on some nights you come downstairs and there's a club popping right next door. It's like... And you can easily... You can easily, what is the other one? There's a bunch of them.

3:41 Anyway, my point is- I don't know, but Josh Radin stayed at the Bowery so much they gave him an embroidered bathrobe with his name on it. And when he would stay, the bathrobe would be lying on the bed.

3:51 Would he have to leave the bathrobe there when he left?

3:54 Yeah, literally at the Bowery, when you spend enough money there and stay there long enough, you get your own embroidered robe and they lie it on your bed when you're there. And when you're not there, they store it away in the embroidered robe room.

4:07 That's hilarious.

4:08 That's some baller shit.

4:09 Good for rating. Good for rating.

4:11 Did you see what, first of all, I need to know, first of all, I have a special surprise for you on this episode. I planned.

4:17 Okay.

4:18 Donald, Joelle, and Dan will know what the surprise is.

4:21 You got me the fucking, oh shit, you got the, yo, Zach, you got me the simulator. You got me the simulator.

4:28 No, no, calm down. You got me the simulator. Not that good.

4:31 It's less exciting than that.

4:32 It's not a $ 6, 000 golf simulator, no.

4:37 I really appreciate that, though.

4:38 By the way, speaking of surprises, I don't even know who 2 Chainz is. I imagine he's a very famous rapper, right?

4:45 Yeah, 2 Chainz. Did you just say 2 Chainz?

4:48 Yeah, do you like 2 Chainz, you guys? Are you 2 Chainz fans? Because the three of you, I think, like rap, right?

4:53 2 Chainz is iconic.

4:55 I was going to say, you know, I'm certainly a Timmy Boy fan, most certainly.

4:58 Jump, man, jump, man, jump. No, that's Future, right? Them boys up to something. That's him and Future.

5:03 Now, I've never heard a 2 Chainz song. I imagine he's very successful, and I can tell you that he's friends with Kanye West. Because I went on the interwebs today, and Kanye West gave 2 Chainz an amphibious ATV. That is the coolest looking thing I've ever seen.

5:22 Kanye West is a billionaire, dude.

5:24 No, I know, but he still gave his friend an amphibious ATV and he put a plaque on it. You got, I mean, if you're listening to this, just Google it. It's the coolest thing ever. And I'm hoping that one day Donald will get rich enough to buy me one.

5:37 If I get a billion dollars in my bank account, when I, I should say, when I get a billion dollars in my bank account.

5:42 How much do you need? A billion?

5:44 Yeah, I think you need a billion.

5:46 Oh man, it's so, it's called a, A Sherma or something? Hold on.

5:49 Because Kanye probably paid for the thing and still had a billion after he paid for it.

5:54 Joel, can you look up what it's called? Just look up amphibious ATV that 2 Chainz got from Kanye.

6:02 Sherp ATVs?

6:03 Yeezy Sherp ATVs? Yes, you guys.

6:06 Is it Yeezy branded?

6:07 It's Yeezy branded? Well, he tricked it out, and I'm sure there's a dope sound system in it.

6:12 Yeah, he did.

6:14 Did you see the picture? You guys, if you're listening, you have to Google image this thing. Everybody needs one. Everybody needs a Sherp.

6:20 Do you know what I want? I want the Sherp ATV that turns into a sub. I want the sub version. I want the one that when... Because look, it's great to be able to go over hills and it's great to be able to do like, you know, go in the water when being chased. But you know what's even better than that? To be like, that's it, fuck it, I'm out. And then dive. And then dive to the depths of the ocean. Depths that, you know, some people, like, dude, I want the freaking spy car. I want the spy car.

6:48 Did you see the picture?

6:49 Lies, lives on ground, and water.

6:52 Dude.

6:52 I want that G.I.

6:53 Joe shit. Land and sea and air. Yo, Joe!

6:57 Dude, did you see the picture Joel just sent us? It's fucking amazing.

7:01 Fighting for freedom over drugs. Wherever there's trouble over land and sea and air.

7:08 G.I.

7:09 Joe is there. Oh, my God, that shit is tight.

7:14 If an erection was an ATV, it.

7:17 Would look like that. That shit looks like a Cobra vehicle.

7:21 Wow.

7:21 It looks like a Cobra vehicle from the G.I. Joe cartoon.

7:25 He has it blessed with a proverb. Yeah, he engraved a proverb on a plaque and put it on the thing.

7:34 This is wild.

7:36 You guys, my only wish for Donald Faison is that he gets rich enough to buy me that thing.

7:42 Love it.

7:43 I hope that one day that is possible.

7:45 Hey, Daniel, tell me when the surprise is present.

7:51 The surprise is ready and waiting.

7:54 Okay, so Donald, I got you a present today. Is it a simulator? No. For listeners out there, we were hoping to invite Sarah Chalk on today because she's prominent and very funny in this episode. But she is just, I think she's like camping in the middle of nowhere Canada with her family. And so she couldn't come. So I reached out to everybody's favorite guest. Let's bring him in. Donald, close your eyes. Close your eyes.

8:33 Bill Lawrence is in the house!

8:38 Yay!

8:42 Yay! Yay!

8:44 Look how happy he is. Bill, look how much happiness you bring Donald.

8:49 Yes, dude.

8:52 How could I be a surprise? I think about every episode.

8:55 This is very exciting.

8:56 But still, it's always a good episode when Bill's on. Count on it being a good episode when Bill is on. The fans love it. I love it.

9:05 Zach loves it.

9:06 I'm going to tell you one thing. I was hoping you were a golf simulator, Bill. I'm not going to lie.

9:13 Bill, I got you a surprise.

9:15 He goes, a golf simulator? I understand that. By the way, even just one of those nets you put in your backyard and hit into, that would have been.

9:24 As good as me. No, no, no, no, no. This is way better than.

9:28 No, it's a, by the way, Donald, it's not one of those tiny nets that catches golf balls with a mat. It's where they're perfect, man. That'll be, that'll be the next surprise.

9:37 Bill, I have to tell you that I love you so much, but one thing that really annoys me is in my, in my social media when I'm scrolling and I see, and I'm just posted a podcast that Donald and I did. And I'm, I think it's funny and I'm want to know what everyone thinks. and you weren't on the particular one, and the first comment is, more Bill, please.

9:59 That's all this is about for me now. It means it's working.

10:01 That's my, I really, I really hate it. I hate it because Donald and I finally launched something successful without you. And you're slowly infiltrating.

10:11 How could this be considered without Bill? It's a scrub.

10:15 You know what I fucking mean? It's totally, of course with him, but we wasn't, I just think it's funny that everywhere, like merch ideas, everyone's like, how about bill on a hat saying five, six, seven, eight.

10:28 I'm not doing a ton of retweeting lately, but I will say anybody that, that, tweets me and says, Bill, I'm enjoying your podcast with Zach and Donald, I immediately retweet that. It makes me so happy. It makes me so happy.

10:45 I know that you love it, but the truth is that you're very funny, and the people love Bill Lawrence. And also, we have to say congratulations, because I don't know if the three of you who are not Bill know, but... His show, Ted Lasso, is a giant hit. People fucking love it.

10:59 Thunderous applause, Dan.

11:00 Thunderous applause, Dan.

11:02 Oh, jeez.

11:03 Thank you, Zach. It was cool. By the way, it was one of those things I wish I could have done in America because then, you know, I love bringing the people back onto shows that I've worked with before, so I'd see you all. So it was such a gift that you were in London and got to direct one, ZB. That was super cool.

11:18 I know. I know. And if you were shooting right now, I could be directing another one because I'm here. But you have.

11:24 You have some of your favorites on the show already. I didn't know you had Brett on the show, man.

11:30 Oh, yeah, yeah.

11:31 By the way, I forgot. Donald, but the advantage, Brett lives there. That guy, yes. You know what I mean? Donald did a pilot with me. By the way, Donald, this is what our life has become. It's like what Zach used to do with girls. Zach's in London. Brett lives in London. Brett Goldstein is a writer and producer, and he starred in a pilot that Donald and I did together. And he's one of the producers and stars of Ted Lasso. He plays Roy. And I'm trying to make Zach be friends with him. And I'm like, Zach, you got a friend with a girlfriend your age.

12:05 Dude, you will love him.

12:07 I don't know if you've hung out with him yet. You will love him. He is our speed.

12:12 We joked about, Donald and I joked about going on a mandate because we had Shay on, as you know, Bill, because you did Interrupting Bill. And we joked about wanting, if it weren't COVID, wanting to To go out and hang out with Shay, but we're talking about how it's weird in your 40s to be like, how do you start a new male friendship? It's like, hey, would you like to go on a man date? And Bill is trying to set me up on a man date with Brett while I'm in London.

12:37 Dude, you should hang out with him. You guys would laugh a lot, man, and he doesn't give a shit that you're Zach Braff and we're on Scrubs or anything like that.

12:44 No, I know. I already worked with him, dude. I directed him on Ted Lasso, and he was delightful and funny as shit.

12:50 Does he write episodes, too?

12:52 Yeah, because he's a writer first. He's another one of those people we have to all be friends with. He created his own show on AMC that comes out in two months. It just got picked up for a second season. So he's got his own show. He's starring in another one. He wrote a big movie in the UK called Nan, and he's got a very big podcast that he wants you both to be on. His podcast, not to promo it on yours, is called Films to be Buried With, and they sometimes shoot it at the British Film Institute.

13:20 And he basically just interviews you about what movies you'd like to be known for as your favorite. Donald, it'll be all about Star Wars for you. When you die, what are the movies you want your kids to see? What movies influenced you the most and all that stuff? He's awesome. Wow.

13:34 That's cool.

13:35 That's awesome.

13:36 I'm going to be on it because he's already hit me up and our mandate process has begun. We are chatting. We are chatting.

13:44 He is also, by the way, Zach, coupled up with a younger, charismatic, stunningly beautiful and fun British woman like yourself. I mean, it's as if you guys were– By the way, who? Her name is Beth because they use the word fit over there if a girl is very attractive or if a boy is very attractive. He started calling her Fit Beth when they first started dating, and it has somehow stuck as her nickname. So when you call him up, you'd be like, hey, what are you up to? He's like, oh, I'm just here having dinner with Fit Beth. And I think it's one of the all-time solid British nicknames.

14:17 Well, I'm excited to take him on a double date with Fit Florence. Hey, we haven't started the show with singing yet. And I think since it is your catchphrase, you might want to do the honors.

14:32 I don't like to do it when people ask me to do it.

14:35 Nobody's asking you, Bill. Nobody's asking you. Five, six, seven, eight. I'm going to.

14:41 Try something new with the breakdown.

15:06 I get very excited about the breakdowns. My karma's breakdown was fun.

15:09 You're not going to get excited about this one, Bill, because people started freaking talking trash on the internet about... Dude, JD does the summary of life and everything at the end of every episode. Please just tell us what's going on because I have no idea. Then part of me said, it's a rewatch podcast. You've had over 10 years to catch up and watch these episodes. So what's the problem?

15:34 And people are still beefing.

15:36 So this is actually going to be a summary of the episode.

15:37 I just want to double check.

15:39 I just want to double check that you're a 46-year-old man who's been in the public eye for most of your life and some comment a guy made on the internet upset you? Just double checking?

15:50 Absolutely, yes. And it wasn't just a guy. It's girls and guys.

15:53 Okay, so literally probably three people?

15:58 I would say about six.

16:01 Six people have unraveled you? That's awesome.

16:03 Six people out of the half a million, over half a million people that follow me. complained, and now.

16:11 So wait, you're saying, Donald, just so I'm clear, you're saying that someone trolled the thing you do, and now you're going to change it, and you're going to change it to what?

16:22 I'm just going to give a summary of what happens in the episode.

16:24 You know what you should do, by the way? You know what you should do as protests once in a while? You should just read Zach's end voiceover word for word as Zach.

16:35 Laughter No, but Bill.

16:37 I was thinking about doing that. I was so thinking about doing that.

16:40 At the end of the day. But Bill, as you told us, they don't really make much sense out of context. They're like, at the end of the day, the friends that you have are the best friends you're ever going to have.

16:52 And that's why you need to have friends.

16:55 You're using have a little too much, and that's bad writing, buddy. You're losing that. You used have three times. The friends you have are going to be the friend. At the end of the day, the friends you have will always be the friends you get. So be happy with what you have obtained.

17:13 All you need is a slow motion crane shot and a sad indie song and I got tears in my eyes.

17:18 Donald knows the system. Donald gets how it works. Come on now.

17:23 Well, you're the one that taught me that. Actually, you're the one that taught me that. It's no bullshit. Bill, you're the one that taught me that. It's so bad that I go to other jobs now and writers will have You know, it'll say something like that. It'll be like, we have to get out of here because we have to find a way to, you know, do something. And I'm like, we're saying we have to like twice. Is there another way that we can do this?

17:49 We have to get out of here. We got to find a way out.

17:52 Come on. I see writers look at me like, how the fuck? And it's always like, I always want to be like, well, you know, Legendary comedy writer Bill Lawrence taught me this.

18:03 Oh, I like legendary. You guys can do it however you'd like, but just so you know, Bill Lawrence chooses.

18:08 To do it this way.

18:12 All right, so if I understand this correctly, you're just going to summarize the facts of the episode now because you've been successfully trolled.

18:20 Yes.

18:20 Yes.

18:21 Okay.

18:21 Just this one time. And I didn't know Bill was going to be on the show. If I would have known Bill was going to be on the show, I would have said, fuck those guys.

18:26 Yeah, by the way, so this is what you get when you complain, petulant recap. I like that.

18:32 Right, right. This is what you get. This is what you get when you complain.

18:36 Ready?

18:37 One, two, three.

18:39 All right, this episode shows every level of the relationship. Elliot and Nurse Flowers are at the end of theirs. Jordan and Cox are at the brand new baby phase. Turk and Carla are now engaged and are feeling the pressure of having to follow through, and JD is single and ready to mingle with tasty coma wife.

18:59 There you go. That's what happens in this episode.

19:02 I don't like it.

19:04 I know you don't like it.

19:05 That's what they get.

19:07 For me, I have to be honest with you, Donald. There was something nice about you as this many years later, looking back and seeing the episode as a whole and giving your emotional sort of summary of it from someone who wasn't really, to what you've said before, wasn't really looking at it very closely at the time. And now this many years later, you're looking back at it and seeing something. I think that's very valuable. And I think, listen, if you're one of the six people that successfully trolled Donald, you can type in episodes of Scrubs 216 summary, and you'll be the home run there.

19:46 Or go to Trevor Wiki, and he'll freaking summarize it for you.

19:50 You.

19:50 Yeah.

19:50 This is what you get for being petty.

19:52 Here's what I want. Cause look, Donald and Zach can't ask for this, but I would ask people that are listening to that when they love Donald's old summations to please let him know after this episode, that you loved the way he used to do it because I found it much more passionate and I loved hearing him talk about it.

20:11 I like it the other way, too. I'm not going to lie to you guys.

20:13 Yeah, so that was the only time, by the way, no matter how long we do this podcast, that is the only time you will ever hear Donald do a true, boring summary of the episode. I like that you discover something, Donald, because let's be honest, you were either on Jazz Cabbage or playing a video game and not really paying attention to what we were doing. So now, 20 years later, you're looking back....

20:35 I'll tell you, you know, this episode, it really makes you think about the relationship that you're going, that I'm going through right now. It made me look at that. You know what I mean? My wife and I have surpassed every level of relationship in this episode. We've had the kid and we, you know, they're growing now. We've already did the beginning dates. We did the We did the breakup and then get back together stuff. Like everything that's happened in this episode, my wife and I have done.

21:06 And that's the one thing, because these characters are so new, that's the one thing in this episode that is missing, if you ask me, is the successful we've done it all. But these guys are finding each other and getting to know each other in my tasty coma wife. By the way.

21:24 This is a really good episode.

21:26 I laughed so many times, dude.

21:29 Bill, I'm so glad. First of all, I know that you technically write them all because you're overseeing the writer's room, but your name is actually on this one, along with Adam Bernstein, who's directed the pilot. And so I was just so happy that I happened to ask you to come on because not only is it a great seminal episode with a lot of great stuff in it and very moving, I thought, at the end, But it happened to be one with your name on the script. So I was doubly glad you were here.

21:55 And Laverne has the best line in the show. Oh, this is going to be a good episode. This is going to be a good episode.

22:04 Which one? I think I wrote down that line. Oh, good show today.

22:07 That's what she says. Good show today.

22:09 Good show today.

22:09 That's good show today.

22:12 That's it. Six words. I wrote that down. That was funny.

22:14 So the show opens up, guys, with I'm trying to go in for a slow kiss with Rowdy. And the audience is– the visual makes the audience go, what the fuck is going on? And then you reveal that Donald is coaching me because I haven't been with a woman in a while and I'm rusty. And he's giving me some drills, kissing drills.

22:34 You always go the wrong way. I think you always go left or right, right? One of the two?

22:38 I always go right. I always go right.

22:39 Okay.

22:41 And I'm– basically I just wanted to say out loud that Bill Lawrence got on television, network television– A show that opens with a man French kissing a taxidermied dog.

22:55 That makes me so happy. You know what made me happy about that section? I know Donald's heard it before. I wanted Donald to tell me if it was real or not. When you're working your rap with that dog, I think you use your young Zach Braff sexy voice. You know when he's like, hey, you want some kibble?

23:13 And I put my finger on his lips.

23:16 And I wanted to ask Donald if he ever heard that sexy voice for real, if Zach tried to lay that sexy girl, that sexy voice on people back in the day.

23:25 No, you know, no. I've never been next to Zach when he has laid his game down. Yeah, you've heard me laugh.

23:35 Flirt with a woman before?

23:36 I've never heard you, I've seen you be like, I'm going in, and then you go in, and then come back like, oh yeah, it worked, but I've never seen, I've never been privy to, hey girl.

23:48 Yeah.

23:48 I've never been privy to the music, you know, in the song where the bass finally gets to talk, hey girl, we've come to the end of the road, baby. I've never been, I've never heard that moment with you.

24:04 Well, My, my game isn't that good, but my game is certainly, certainly, uh, I don't have a low, uh, base. Hey baby voice. But, um, I did, I did think it was just, I loved, I, what I loved about the show bill is what I'm saying is that I'm, I'm, I'm saying in a joking way, but I just love that how bizarre the show is that it opens like this.

24:23 And then, and then just when you think like, okay, that was random and weird. Way later on when I go to kiss Amy Smart, you call it back because here Donald's like, no, man, you go right too much. You got to go left when I'm leaning into kiss. And then later I go to kiss Amy Smart and she's like, ooh, you went left.

24:43 As if, by the way, anyone has ever used that as a judgment factor for kissing, whether you went left or right. No one has ever said that to anybody, right?

24:52 It makes me think, and if you're listening right now, think about it. Do you have a normal way that you lean in to make out with someone? I'm doing it alone by myself right now. I think I probably do normally favor left.

25:04 Do you?

25:05 I go right.

25:05 I don't know. I go right, dude.

25:07 I go right.

25:07 Joel, you go left or right?

25:09 Donald and I lock. Donald and I would lock in well because we both go right.

25:13 Joel, you go right?

25:14 Right. It feels natural.

25:16 I don't know.

25:16 Daniel?

25:17 Right. Right.

25:18 Okay.

25:18 Okay.

25:19 I don't know.

25:19 I think I might be a lefty when it comes to the lean-in.

25:22 Well, here's my question, though. Does she go left?

25:25 Because that's the only way it works, but is if she goes left also.

25:28 I don't know. I got to tell you, I'm going to try later on and see what happens, but I think I'm a lefty when it comes to that. Bill, I couldn't help but wonder when Krista is being so incredibly horrible to Johnny C during as they deal with their newborn, if any of this could possibly have been based on real life.

25:48 Yeah, dude. You guys are well aware that I was just at this stage of having kids with Krista and that I, without a doubt, lived in a world that I was supposed to remove my shoes and wash my hands even though I still wasn't allowed to hold my daughter. And it was a lot of get out of the room, don't make noise, turn that light off, go get me this, go do that. So, yes. By the way, the only thing that was different... was I was not nearly shirtless as often as Johnny C. chose to be around his wife and newborn. Right. Otherwise, it was supposed to be the same.

26:26 So Johnny C. is naked. Now, when you're in the writer's room, are you guys at this point, end of season two, sort of laughing? Like, oh, Johnny C. loves to be naked. Let's make him be naked and show off his muscles?

26:39 Do you really think that we write? Johnny C shirtless or, uh, you know, that one, that one, we did it. Yeah. He normally decides on his own, but this one we did script because for full disclosure, we had seen so many scenes that we hadn't written it. Um, that we decided to write it once and have her say, we all get it. You love your body. Which was a writer response.

27:08 Then he puts on a shocky, jersey. Is that a real sports player, Shockey?

27:12 Yeah, Jeremy Shockey was a tight end for the New York Giants. He played really well for us. His football career was short. He had a pretty short football.

27:24 Career, actually. He was really good, but then got hurt a bunch, yeah?

27:28 Yeah, like a lot of head... He broke a lot of bones, I think, and got his head hit. But he was a tight end. He was like... Before Tony Gonzalez, tight ends were... pretty much just blocking and everything like that. And then Tony and there's.

27:43 A bunch of them now. Yeah.

27:46 Yeah. There's a bunch of them now. And the best one ever is by far Gronkowski. Like Gronkowski's taken everything that all of these other tight ends have done and turned it into a, you know, a receiver role that is very like, it's unheard of to have a bunch of receivers and your best receiver be your tight end.

28:07 You know what I mean?

28:09 Yeah, watch Zach's eyes roll back into his head when I say, but don't you think Travis Kelsey is also kind of coming up behind Gronk right now?

28:18 He blows his brains out.

28:22 I have a question. I have a question.

28:24 Zach, Zach, Zach, Zach, Zach, I'm sorry, but we're talking about tight ends right now.

28:29 I literally, like JD, I swear to God, you said tight end, and like JD, I went off and started thinking about what I picture as a tight end. A nice, firm bottom. And then you guys pulled me back when you said Gronkowski, because I think I know what that guy looks like. Can you explain to the listeners who don't follow football, what does a tight end do?

28:49 A tight end is basically a blocker, really. It's like somebody who is on the line and blocks for the quarterback, but is eligible to catch the ball also if needed. You know what I mean? So you only have a certain... bunch of players that can actually catch the ball it's illegal for other players to do it uh oh i didn't know that their position right.

29:14 So you're saying not every player's allowed to catch the ball no they have to be.

29:18 An eligible they have to be an eligible receiver sometimes someone will have to tell the refs that on a certain formation he is eligible like a lineman can suddenly be eligible but not everybody can catch.

29:28 The ball i had i did not know that.

29:31 And then uh and then what donald it To make it more interesting, what Donald and I are talking about is the position has evolved because these guys are so big, they're too these, the new modern tight end is too big to be covered by a little defensive back or the ones that cover receivers and too fast to be covered by a big linebacker. And because these guys are now become the kind of ultimate athletes on football teams.

29:54 These Travis Kelsey, Kelsey's and Gronk's and Tony Gonzalez's.

29:58 Right, if you have a good tight end, you are.

30:00 You got a good tight end, Donald.

30:03 There you go. Now we're back.

30:04 Thank you very much.

30:06 Thank you.

30:07 Now we're back. And we're back.

30:09 But Gronkowski's come out of retirement because of.

30:12 Oh, thank God.

30:13 Yeah, dude, he's probably the most popular tight end ever in the history of tight ends. He's a character. He's like, I once worked out with this dude. And when I tell you, holy shit, like the workout I was doing was a warmup for him. You know what I mean? And I was sweating and jumping and lifting weights and everything like that. And it was literally a warm-up for him.

30:34 And then he went into something else after.

30:39 Let's talk about how he's decided to call me dog's names.

30:44 Well, let's talk about these pratfalls first, though, man. Because there are a couple of pratfalls in the opening that are pretty dope. One, Ricky Schroeder. Rick Schroeder has a great pratfall over the thing with the blindfold on.

30:56 Yeah.

30:57 And then you have a great pratfall.

30:58 Yeah.

30:59 Epic one.

31:00 Yeah.

31:01 Epic.

31:03 I even winced at myself. I was like, how did that not hurt? Because it's definitely me doing it, and it looked like it fucking hurt.

31:08 It looked like it really, really hurt.

31:11 And you add the noise on those, too. It seemed violent. I liked it.

31:15 I feel like if there was a sport that was stunt pratfalls, I could be good at it.

31:21 Well, your best pratfall of all time is with Tacey, coma wife, either later this year or next year when you fall down the stairs at her husband's funeral.

31:29 That's next episode, I think.

31:30 I think that's coming up.

31:33 Also, I want to give a shout out to Paige Peterson. She's been on the show four times now, and we've yet to talk about her. She was the nurse that said, I'm having surgery right now, or I'm having whatever it is right now and loving it. This is her fourth time on the episode, and she's the one that says to you, aren't you the one that likes to make out with dogs right before you go into.

31:56 Wait, did you know her? How did you know her name? Or you looked it up?

31:59 I looked it up. Oh, yeah.

32:01 That's cool.

32:01 Yeah.

32:02 It's good of you to give her a shout out because she actually... She's got a lot of funny one-liners, and she did a good job.

32:09 It's also so hard back then to have continuity and do a network show that you're hoping that people would see the same nurses... and doctors that don't necessarily speak every week, but still have those people be in the background every week, you know?

32:24 So it's cool.

32:24 And we were able to do that with somebody.

32:26 Yeah.

32:26 This is her last, I think this is her last episode, unfortunately, but.

32:30 Well, I'm hoping that's cause she went and got lots more work somewhere else.

32:34 I believe she did. I believe she did. I believe she did get a, another job.

32:37 She went, she's, she's, she's talented and funny and pretty. So those are good qualities to have in Hollywood. Speaking of which it leads to, um, a conversation about Amy Smart, which we're going to have after this break because she certainly is pretty and she certainly is funny and she does a great job in this episode. So we will be right back after these fine words.

33:00 And we're back!

33:00 And we're back. come on bill you gotta do it at the same.

33:13 Time i gotta tell you i'm still how by the way so what's the early verdict on interrupting bill on that i love you guys how you guys feeling i.

33:19 Love it and i think people really like it too oh yeah the fans love it and i felt bad because um your your tone in the second one was sort of melancholic and i said i don't know if you heard the last episode but i was like i think we may have hurt bill's feelings and the I was like, Bill, you're allowed to go on as long as you want. If you want to do a seven-minute monologue, it is fine by us. The fans love you.

33:42 By the way, we didn't hurt Bill's feelings. Donald said he was cool with it. Oh, fucking asshole. Donald said, I'm fine. Donald said, I think the quote is, I'm fine with it.

33:53 It's Bill.

33:54 I'm fine with it. Oh, my God. I can't remember specifically, but I think it was exactly Zach. who said, no, it just goes on.

34:03 And on and on and on.

34:04 No, it was great. The funny thing was, wait, the funny thing was, on your last bit of trivia, the answer was Elizabeth Banks, and I didn't get it at all, but Donald knew it. And the only thing you'd recorded is, thanks, Zach, I'm sure you're the one who got it.

34:18 It was me.

34:20 By the way, I know, but I don't expect because of Donald's rep on the show for him to remember this stuff, so when he does get one, I'm happily surprised.

34:27 Are you kidding me? When Elizabeth Banks came on the show, I thought it was the biggest deal. After watching the 40-year-old virgin, and he goes, I'm going to put my bicycle in your trunk, and she goes, hey-oh! When she came on the show, I was like, I'm paying attention to this. I want to talk about something. Before we go forward with the Amy Smart thing, Ralphie's back on this episode.

34:52 So funny.

34:53 And somebody said to me on the interweb, and I'm not sure if this is true because now I didn't remember the young man's name, but apparently Ralphie is in Shazam.

35:04 Oh, shit. Is he really? That's cool.

35:06 Apparently Ralphie's in Shazam either as one of the kids or as the– He.

35:12 Wouldn't be a kid.

35:14 Wouldn't he have to be like 36?

35:16 This is 19 years ago. He's not a kid.

35:18 Or then as one of the superheroes.

35:20 He could be because there's a whole bunch of Shazams at the end of Shazam.

35:24 At the end of Shazam. Spoiler alert.

35:26 Will you try and figure out, and maybe, Joel, if you could send us in the chat a picture of what he looks like today because I'm dying to know.

35:33 I actually saw that movie in the theaters because Zach is the star of it. Zach plays Shazam in that.

35:39 No, no, Bill. That's a different Zach.

35:42 What?

35:45 If I was in Shazam, you guys would all have amphibious ATVs like Kanye West just gave three chains.

35:54 Also, I don't think.

35:55 You're correct about Joey being in Shazam.

35:57 Okay, but it wasn't me that said it. Somebody said it to me.

36:02 And that person was wrong. That's the same person that was wrong about how brilliant your summaries of the episodes are.

36:09 Thank you. Thank you, person who said that Joey was in Shazam. You were wrong.

36:14 You were correct about something, though. Last week, Joey was in the gag reel, absolutely thrown into the glass door by accident. Yeah, I remember that tossed into it.

36:28 I also remembered on the gag reel, for those of you who'd like to go back and look at them. And by the way, if you don't know, we sometimes use the words interchangeably. For those of you who don't know, a gag and blooper reel are something we cut together at the end of every season. They're just kind of the mistakes, funny, funny mistakes from when we're filming. And I think they're all on YouTube. You can look up, for example, season two scrubs. It'll either say blooper or gag.

36:52 They're kind of used interchangeably and they're very funny. And one of the things, not only is Ralphie hitting the door on there, but in this episode, when Donald falls over Rowdy, do you remember this? I don't know if a crew member was like holding up Rowdy to make sure he didn't fall over or something.

37:10 We had Rowdy. It wasn't held up, Zach. We had Rowdy because he had trouble standing at that point because some of his leg strength has deteriorated. Rowdy had to be kind of fastened.

37:26 How was Rowdy Riggs? I forgot.

37:30 Rowdy was fastened. He was kind of fastened to the little carpeting thing there to stand upright. You know what I mean? And the assumption was when Donald would hit Rowdy that he would go down.

37:41 But I still couldn't. The joke is I've tripped over Rowdy, but Rowdy couldn't fall or it didn't look right. And so I had to pretend that I trip over Rowdy without knocking Rowdy over.

37:55 And so we had Rowdy fastened up to stay up as if Rowdy was solid and Donald just fell down, not like fell on top of Rowdy.

38:03 So on the gag reel, what you'll see is that Donald trips over Rowdy, Rowdy falls down, and then magically pops back up.

38:12 Again.

38:14 And I remember, Donald, the whole crew started cackling. It was so fucking funny. When I saw the gag on this, when I saw the stunt fall on this, I went, oh, my God, I remember that moment. And this is like 19 years ago. That's how funny it was.

38:30 It was very disturbing, too, because it made the dog seem, you know, like it was still.

38:33 Kind of in there slugging away. Well, Bill, what was the story about Amy? I mean, I'm sure that I had, if you had asked me and you had said, hey, we need a very funny, attractive new love interest for you. If the year was 2002, I probably was like, Amy Smart. Because I think that, you know, she's obviously a beauty, but I really think she's got comedic chops. And I thought she was really, really good in this episode.

39:02 Well, you know, it's we had it randomly. You'd be surprised. But a lot of times casting, especially if it's not huge stock casting starts, much like Donald said about Elizabeth Banks, who obviously is a huge star now and back there was doing. uh, um, whatever horse movie was and Virgin, you know, and all that stuff and just kind of getting her career going. What was the horse movie? She was, uh, she played Jeff Bridges, young wife. is, uh, no one even knows. That's her. Um, the what? The horse whisperer. Nope.

39:34 Did you guys, you guys get this? It's the, Seabiscuit. She played Jeff Bridges' young wife in that with brown hair.

39:39 And she was also in Catch Me If You Can, I think, with Leo. I think she had a Leo... Yes.

39:44 She was also in all of the Spider-Man movies as the secretary for J. Jameson. That's his name, right? Yeah, J.

39:52 Jonah Jameson. J.

39:53 Jonah Jameson. But the point is that sometimes casting will come, especially when people are starting to dig the show and will do it, from us having watched a movie... And I think a bunch of the writers in the room saw Road Trip because they cast both Amy Smart and remember DJ Qualls or whatever his name, the tall kind of dorky. They were both from Road Trip. So be like, hey, this is a funny movie with people doing comedy. And the cool thing was Scrubs at this point had reached a stage that when you reached out to people like that, if they had seen the show, like Amy was really cool about going, yeah, I'll come to a bunch. You know, so.

40:30 Yeah. And I knew her. I knew her a little bit through mutual friends and... Through me, dude. No, not through you.

40:40 Through Josh Friedman, actually. Well, I've known Amy since Road Trip. When I was doing Remember the Titan, she was doing Road Trip. And then I did Felicity, and she was on Felicity at the same time as I was. And then she came and did Scrubs. So I'm pretty sure at some point there was... it might've been Josh Radin, but I'm pretty sure.

40:59 Yeah, but Josh was dating, Josh was dating at the time her, Amy's best friend.

41:05 Okay.

41:06 A woman named Debra. And so I, anyway, I knew her a little bit and whatever happened, happened. And she's just great on the show. And I thought it was very funny, Bill, the setup you wrote where you're setting up the saddest story ever. Like her husband's in a coma. She's been left all alone. She's a young bride. It's so tragic. And that you're like totally leading the audience down this, down this hole. And then it cuts to the classic scrubs, sexy slow-mo turnaround with the wind and everything.

41:35 It was so funny.

41:36 Yeah.

41:36 I think your voice was like, also, she happens to be incredibly hot. Everybody calls her tasty comma wife or something like that.

41:41 Yeah.

41:41 I remember getting a note on a tasty comma wife of the, I don't think it was a huge one, but whoever covered the show from NBC thinking that was too insensitive for not only thinking that was too insensitive for, for everybody, you know, all the characters that you like to call her that. But because of that note, we wrote into the script that you were the one, your character was the one that gave her that nickname. Remember at the end, she's like, she's like, do people call me tasty comma wife? And you're like, I don't know.

42:10 And she's like, I love it. And you're like, I thought it up.

42:14 So I bet people who are listening, Bill would be interested to know that, that, you know, you got a hit show. As I, as it says on Scrubs Wiki, season two was our biggest season in terms of viewership ever. And you're still getting minutia notes like that from a network.

42:33 Yeah, but realize that it's a good thing because all it really means is when a show's doing well, the people that work on networks, they're there because they love TV. That's why they're not in business. That's why they didn't go into the financial world. And so once a show has some heat and buzz behind it, it's even more exciting to to try and contribute and give your two cents.

42:56 And it's never malicious. You know, wouldn't it be more interesting if they did this? It wouldn't be cool if they did that. And then as producers, you make the choice. Do we let everybody feel the pride of ownership, which we like to do on this show? Or do you get jerky and go, Hey, now that we have leverage, we don't have to listen to anything you say, which I think is counterproductive because then people aren't looking to, and you know, with us, especially with the Disney folks who gave us notes and, you know, we loved them feeling like they were part of the creative part of the show. Like remember when we did the musical and the president of Disney studios, Mark Pedowitz, like rented a whole theater for us and had us all go watch

43:33 the musical on a big movie theater and stuff. And that's because they felt like they were all part of it. You know what I mean?

43:38 And you also, you also become friends with people in time. You know what I mean? I've, I'm not going to lie. I have a bunch of friends. Well, a few, I shouldn't say a bunch. I have a few friends who, that are actual network executives now, you know what I mean? And work.

43:51 You guys would run into Julia Franz who helped run that, run Disney studios all the time. And, uh, she was such a huge, you know, um, cheerleader for the show. I, I remember all you guys having great relationships with her.

44:01 It makes such a difference when you have an executive who really gets it and, and campaigns for, for the show, because I feel like these, these decisions on your life or death are just made in, in conference rooms. I mean, the numbers are looked at and judged and, and I'm sure, uh, But there's also like when it's on the bubble, how many people in the room are going, no, trust me, just give it a chance. And as opposed to people going, eh.

44:28 And it sounds like what you're saying is also that if you're the showrunner and you're a dick and you're on the bubble, people are like, you know what? Fuck that guy. No, cancel it.

44:36 You know, it's interesting. I do agree with that. I think you have to find that fine line of standing up for what you care about. creatively and not capitulating, but also if people are invested in the show, why not, you know, uh, let them feel the pride of ownership of their work and their butts off on it. I will say like for us, there's a absolute direct correlation to the seventh year. I didn't care when this show ended after we got through six years, as long as we knew, cause I knew how I wanted the show to end. And the seventh year, the show almost ended without us being able to control it because of the writer's strike. And I think it was only because how the writers and how all you guys reacted towards Disney,

45:21 our studio, that when NBC said writer's strike and we're done, the ABC called up and said, how do you guys like to switch to another network and do your last season? And I, that was one of my favorite seasons of the show season eight. So I think that happened in part because we considered them part of our team.

45:38 What season was it that we took? So we, our hiatus was so long one time. No, it wasn't. It was like almost a year.

45:47 Yeah.

45:47 It was season seven ended right in the early part of the season and season eight, we decided to move it over to ABC and there was a long gap before we started shooting. I think it might've, it might've been a full calendar year. It was crazy.

46:03 Yeah.

46:03 I feel you reminded me that I, I felt sad. I has a sad about the sort of medieval times episode. We, we did. because I put so much love and work into directing it, and you put so much love and work into writing it, and because of what was happening in the writer's strike, that that would have been the series finale of Scrubs. Not only that, I feel like that was super underappreciated, because man, that was an expensive slash artistic slash fun episode to do, and I don't think it ever got any love.

46:37 No, it was, and remember NBC, because there was a strike and they didn't care about anything other than bottom line at that point, jigg juggled the order of episodes to air that last as if it was the season finality and it made no sense.

46:53 Yeah.

46:53 And a lot of people were like, that's it. that's how you're ending the show. And we're like, no, we didn't mean to please like it still.

47:00 It was very upsetting as an homage to the princess bride, man.

47:03 It's such a great episode.

47:05 It's so cool.

47:06 Oh man.

47:06 I love that episode. And no one ever talks about it. Whenever we like bring up conversations about what's your favorite episode, they say the musical, they say, uh, the, the Brian Frazier episode, you know, all the standards, but no one ever, ever mentions that episode. And I thought it was really good.

47:20 I thought it was cool.

47:21 Slow tear.

47:23 Um, um, Can I say something that I want to, we almost skipped passing. This one is five 21. I'm doing a thing because it's a compliment to Donald. I loved, cause we did a bunch of different versions over the years and Donald might not remember, uh, uh, of when Laverne, when a Loma would kind of break into Donald's, uh, questions.

47:43 And he would say like, you would say like, we're only dealing with people that are invited in this one. He says, I checked the guest list for this conversation and you're not on it. And this one, that's it. I didn't know what that was. So this one, at the end, you made a noise, and I remember seeing that, and it made me so happy because it was, you're not on. So I don't know what ha-ha-ha means, but it was fantastic.

48:04 Right on.

48:04 Does that mean.

48:05 Accepted and received? I don't know where that came from. I watched it today, and I laughed my ass off.

48:13 That was funny.

48:14 I notice now, but I notice now at this point in the show, I started getting really comfortable. You know what I mean? If you're watching the show from the beginning, when we started, as much as I like to think that I knew about comedy when we started, I feel like I was, out of everyone, the one who had the hardest time picking up jokes. And the crazy thing was you kept writing jokes for me and sometimes I would nail them and sometimes I wouldn't. But I'm starting to notice as it's going on, now I'm starting to get comfortable with the character and it doesn't feel like...

48:52 It felt like before that I was reading it or... I was forcing it, and now I'm just starting to relax.

48:59 Yeah, but you're just doing it. Yes, you can tell how naturalistic you are now, but you're just harsh on yourself the way all performers do. You were always funny, dude. I love that you put yourself under that critical eye, but it's not true.

49:10 No, but also one thing I'll say, Bill, to use a sports term, is that he is in the zone in this episode.

49:16 Yes, without a doubt.

49:17 There's lots of little riffing you're doing, Donald. You're feeling calm. I thought you were really good in this episode.

49:23 Both doing, uh, huh, huh, huh, and the end when he's mad at Ralphie when he says, you shut your mouth right now! By the way, which is a surgeon yelling at a child.

49:35 You shut your mouth right now!

49:37 Oh, my God.

49:40 What about Ralphie? It's an interrupting Bill moment while I'm here. I don't know what the song is. Interrupting Bill.

49:49 Interrupting Bill.

49:51 So for real, we would occasionally have recur jokes over the years that you were listed on the board. You guys wouldn't recognize them because they're just tiny jokes that we thought we would keep going. And one of Donald's was there was four different times across the years that Donald told Laverne that unless she got an invitation, she should sit down. He's seen the guest list. She's not on it. He did that to her so many times.

50:15 Do you know, and it happened at the nine-minute mark, what a weird reoccurring joke was for you, Zach, in reference to calling yourself the boat. Do you know what the reoccurring joke is?

50:29 The reoccurring joke is that I– In my voiceover, I say that I clearly want a cool nickname for myself, and I'm always auditioning them. The Boat would be a cool nickname.

50:40 Yes.

50:42 And then something happens, and I'm like, way to go, Boat.

50:46 If you go back and watch this series, there's eight different times that you're trying to have a nickname, whether it be Lion or Tiger or whatever, just catch hold. And it never does. And one of the things they said at the beginning of this series was, J.D. should always wish he had a nickname and never get one.

51:02 That's funny. That's very funny. That's funny. I didn't clock it as recurring, but I did laugh at me trying to get my own nickname. It's funny because you can't get your own nickname going.

51:16 No, you try so many times. I think sometimes Donald says to you or someone says to you, no matter how bad you want it, no one's ever going to call you Big Cat or call you Lion or something. That's in a different episode.

51:28 I laughed. I think I improvised this, Bill. When Amy Smart says you have something on your cheek and I go– Working in a hospital.

51:39 Did you make her, was that Adam or you that made her lick you?

51:42 I was about to say, where did that come from?

51:45 No, that was aggressive. That was in the script. She's not randomly licking me.

51:50 Well, no, I think that it, like, I'll get it, and she does something aggressive was there, but I think that it was probably an actress or director choice to go, just lick it off. I mean, I think it was probably lick your thumb and then kiss it or something.

52:03 I certainly wasn't being like, to Amy Smart, like, what if you were to lick my face?

52:08 Yeah, right.

52:09 I wasn't implying, I was not implying that you were doing, maybe instead of licking your finger and touching, you should lick my face in this moment.

52:16 Amy, Amy, Amy, do you see on the sides how it says she licks her thumb? What if you just lick my face?

52:24 How about when Donald goes, when, um, Donald, when Judy says that there's something about sleep toots, and then you do the sound of them, what's the sound you make?

52:40 You do air first.

52:42 You go.

52:46 I always had that. I always wondered, why do farts sound like they're asking a question? It always is.

53:01 That's so funny.

53:02 Well, I love that. And then Nurse Roberts says, like, I make Mr. Roberts wear airtight boxers.

53:08 That's what I say to her.

53:09 That's what I say. Laverne! By the way, and she is always contributing in your shit more than anybody's. If she hears you talking to someone, she gets into it, which really makes people laugh.

53:22 Let's talk about Elliot sabotaging her relationship. She's finally got some joy. She's finally, in the last episode, she finally said that She's happy for the first time in her life. We, Donald and I were talking about the last episode, how Elliot's sort of bopping around in the rare, like non-neurotic mood.

53:39 And now she's already wanting to sabotage it because she, she, she's, I don't know. That's what she does. Right.

53:45 Well, look, this way, this will, you'll find interesting because we, this script was easy to write because we come up with premises ahead of time.

53:53 Right.

53:54 And we thought, you know, what'd be cool is, Donald and Judy, Carl and Turk, we set up because remember that kid had eaten a ring and gotten paid. We knew we had to bring it back. Donald paid him not to say anything. So we knew that was going to be a problem. Johnny C, you know, Dr. Cox and Jordan, you know, had to have, we didn't have a problem for Rick and Elliot yet, but Dr. Cox and Jordan were dealing with the kid. And usually our episodes, everybody has to figure out how to have a solution, you know, in, you know, how to get to the solution of their story. In this one, we said, you know what would be cool is we don't ever have to do the solution if they're just all having petty shit go on. And because JD is so alone, he

54:37 yells at them for not realizing that they got it better than him. And that makes all their problems go away. So you didn't even have to do the story work at the end. Do you know what I mean? So that's how we came up with the– the way we came up with the Elliot and Nurse Flowers thing is to go, what could she cause shit over just because she's scared that she's starting to like the guy?

54:55 Yeah.

54:55 Yeah.

54:56 Yeah, it's clever the way you structured this because it's J.D. who's lonesome and single who wants more than anything to find love. I mean, jokingly, the episode opens with him running drills on kissing because it's been so long since he kissed anybody. And then him seeing all these relationships in various stages, in various forms of disarray, And then it sort of bubbles up with the monologue at the end where I just explode. Like, how the fuck could you guys not realize how lucky you are to be with someone?

55:33 Well, because J.D. almost crosses a line now. You know what I mean? He almost goes against the moral code. This woman has a husband who's not in the ground yet. And still, even though he's probably not going to make it through this. She needs to handle that first and deal with all of that first before she goes into a relationship. And she shows weakness and JD almost pounces on it. You know what I mean? And so I also think the blow up at the end was, you know, him realizing, holy shit, I almost went there.

56:15 Yeah.

56:15 And these fuckers are... Right, it's his own thing, too.

56:18 You're right, you're right, you're right.

56:20 I never even saw that. That's a good point, Donald. You know sometimes when you have your own conscience bubbling up and you don't even know it, and he sort of explodes on everyone else. Part of that monologue at the end when he's just berating everyone is his own frustration that he's got no one and he's so alone...

56:38 And now all of a sudden here's this amazing woman who's so pretty and so into him and so in on the joke and silly and funny. And she's like his perfect dream girl and, and his, his conscience and his morals make him stop it. And then they're all fighting. And he's like, you fuckers, don't you realize how lucky you are to have someone? I don't know. I think that was really good. Yeah.

56:59 I wrote that down. That's the, it's an amazing blow up. Not only you're acting at that moment, but also on, go on.

57:06 I won't stop you.

57:08 Okay. You do a great job at it.

57:11 Thank you.

57:12 And it's very easy for the audience and our characters to have sympathy for you after you have that moment. You know what I mean? But it's amazing how it's presented also. It gets to a point where the hero of our show almost becomes a villain. and stops himself from becoming that person. And he's going to, you know, he's going to trade it. It comes up again later on in the next episode.

57:41 Do you think the audience would really think him as villainous? I mean, wouldn't they be like, oh.

57:44 Absolutely, yeah.

57:46 Really? But don't you think there'd be a certain percentage of the audience would be like, I get it.

57:51 I'd do it. I'd do it.

57:52 Right.

57:52 Well, that's the dilemma. Would you or would you? If somebody had somebody who was on the verge of passing away but has not yet passed away, Would you let that person have the moment to grieve and move on? Or would you slide in at their weakest moment?

58:09 Well, they're also going out. But she asked him out and they're drinking. She's weak, though.

58:15 I love this argument. This is the argument that writers want you guys to have. You guys know that. So much so is transporting me back. One of the things we did in this show when we wrote it, because Donald is correct in that. you know, we wanted people to go to not want Zach to do this and did not want JD to do this. And the way that we got there was we're so lucky we have a show of fantasies and that the actor was good.

58:40 And it wasn't my pitch, but someone's like for us to really be down on JD doing this, the coma husband has to speak and has to be alive in the fantasies. And the fact that he actually was, do you know what I mean? And the guy was good and that you seemed, and you felt his, you know, anguish and anger made it. Cause I think if that guy had never spoken and was just a lifeless extra in a bed, you would have been like, J.D. should go for it, man. That dude's been like that for a year. But the second he's, especially when he hands you a chart, you know, when you walk in the next day and you're like, ah, you know, so that you know your conscience is killing you. You know, to me, that's what made that show work. And it wasn't my idea.

59:21 But we argued over exactly what Donald's talking about.

59:24 Well, it is a real testament. I got to say, it's a real testament to what you as a writer are saying about JD's character because he's got this woman who's being the aggressor on him and they've had drinks and she's like, where are we going? And he's like, I got to stop this. But then he actually goes like, if you really want this, I'll pick you up and run 12 miles with you right now. But I think it'd be best if you waited. And she's like, I'll call you. And you know, in his head, he's like, Absolutely.

59:57 You know, and what makes it such a Scrubs moment, though, at the end of the blow-up, when everybody's feeling down and out about themselves, in walks Nurse Roberts. Yeah. And there's something.

1:00:10 By the way, remember how she used to lean forward when she would do that, too? You like that?

1:00:21 All right, we're going to go to break. We're going to go to break and then we have a caller who's going to be very excited that Uncle Bill is here. We will be right back after someone talks to.

1:00:34 You.

1:00:35 And we're back.

1:00:39 And we're back. And we're back.

1:00:46 And we're back. Hi, Noor.

1:00:49 And we're back with Noor Khan.

1:00:51 Noor Khan.

1:00:54 Khan.

1:00:56 Oh, my God.

1:00:59 Khan.

1:01:00 I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry to the fans.

1:01:04 Noor, do you get that all the time? Do you get that all the time?

1:01:07 No, she doesn't. Noor, hi.

1:01:10 How are you?

1:01:11 Hi.

1:01:12 Okay.

1:01:13 Okay.

1:01:14 Do you get that all the time, Noor?

1:01:16 No, no one does that. And the poor people who are jogging have no earbuds left.

1:01:21 I backed up from the mic.

1:01:22 I'm going to alter it down.

1:01:25 I don't think I've ever been introduced like this ever in my entire life.

1:01:30 Noor, it's very nice to meet you. Have you ever seen Star Trek 2, The Wrath of Khan?

1:01:37 I'm not a Star Trek fan.

1:01:39 Yes, Noor, thank you.

1:01:40 Thank you.

1:01:40 I'm not a Star Trek fan. I'm not a Star Wars fan. I'm sorry, Joel.

1:01:44 I'm sorry.

1:01:44 Oh, my God.

1:01:45 Don't worry.

1:01:46 You're a Scrubs fan. Ladies and gentlemen, that was Noor Khan.

1:01:49 Noor Khan is done for the episode.

1:01:52 Oh, God.

1:01:53 Oh, my God.

1:01:55 I can't believe this.

1:01:56 Oh, wow.

1:01:56 Noor, it's so nice to meet you. Welcome to the program. We have a very special episode because we have a surprise guest, Bill Lawrence, the creator of the whole darn thing is here. So you can ask us anything.

1:02:07 I have so much to ask you, but before I get into that, I just want to, I have been watching you guys for so long. I have, I think, watched the series start to finish.

1:02:18 Over 30 times since 2004.

1:02:21 Nora, that's almost 30 times more.

1:02:22 Than Donald's seen them.

1:02:35 So it's my happy place it's my husband's cheat code to my mood so like if I'm in a bad mood like you know I'm on my period and you know usually you need to give women chocolate and wine no you just need to put on an episode of scrubs and.

1:02:50 I'm like.

1:02:53 And I hate it that he has like he knows this Achilles heel of mine I hate it so much but he also uses it very, very much.

1:03:02 It's ridiculous.

1:03:03 It's ridiculous.

1:03:05 Donald wishes he could put on scrubs to calm down his wife when she's on her period.

1:03:11 Listen, she don't even have to be on a period. My wife just don't like me, man. I'm convinced now. I'm just convinced.

1:03:20 I'm guessing today hasn't been the best quarantine day.

1:03:23 No, the past, ever since school went back, it's been tough.

1:03:28 Well, I'm sure there's a lot of parents out there that can relate, Donald, who can empathize with you.

1:03:35 You should know, Nord, Donald pointed out while you were waiting that my wife is essentially playing herself on the show. So for me, I don't think pop it on. Maybe Zach did. Yeah, I don't think pop it on an episode. I did. I can say it.

1:03:51 She's a great character, so if that's how she is in your life, you just hit the jackpot, my friend.

1:03:58 Oh, you know, you would think that, and yet it's also very, very scary.

1:04:02 Um, you know what, you know what I always think, Bill, I think that, and you've said a version of this, but I think it's kind of, I mean, this is maybe stupid to say, but the universe kind of gives you who you need and you and Donald both have very tough. Krista, I'll give a capital T, um, a wives, but they, because you guys have big personalities, they keep you in check. And sometimes that's very hard. But some wallflower who's going to let you do whatever you want is not going to work for six months with you guys.

1:04:36 I thought you were saying that Donald and I should be able to trade wives and have it be cool with them. I thought that's where you were going.

1:04:42 Well, that's something you guys can work out.

1:04:44 Because I don't think it would be cool with Krista. I think it would be cool with Krista, but not for me, just for her. She's so in love with Donald. It's so upsetting.

1:04:54 Well, no, Casey would be all right with it. Casey would be like, what, we get a pool?

1:05:01 Yeah, Casey would be like, I'll make out with Bill for a pool. Listen, I got to tell you that Krista does this thing that's so awkward where we're in front of Bill and we're hugging. And, you know, I give a standard, hey, good to see you hug. And she's like, and Bill's standing right there. And she'll be like, don't, don't, don't, don't let it go.

1:05:22 I don't like it.

1:05:24 It's so awkward. And she's doing it just to fuck with Bill. And I'm sitting there with like a red face.

1:05:29 I don't like it.

1:05:30 Okay, Krista. Okay, Krista, let go.

1:05:32 I don't like it. I don't like it. Nora, where are you calling from?

1:05:36 I'm calling from India.

1:05:38 Yeah yes fake doctor's real friend all the way from India baby.

1:05:44 Wow this podcast is truly global Donald it's.

1:05:48 Truly global for sure hey did you get a.

1:05:51 Mug were you able to get a mug.

1:05:54 No, I actually haven't gotten around to ordering it yet.

1:05:56 Also, stuff is not coming in from the U.S.

1:05:59 Right now. They are taking forever to reach us. So I'm just waiting for shit to get a little better.

1:06:05 I have to say on the merch front, just as a slight digression, when Donald and I started this podcast, the people at iHeart said to us, and Donald and I don't know podcasts that much. I've listened to a few. He's listened to none. And they said, just so you know, podcast listeners really like some basic merch, a T-shirt or a mug. Because you're building a community and it's sort of a club and people like that stuff. And so Donald and I said, okay, we'll make merch. That's cool.

1:06:30 We were never in a rock band. That'll be fun for us. So it's taken a long time to get it up. And on the podcast, we've joked about all these funny merch ideas. We put up a mug and a mask and they were gone within like three hours. And Donald and I have now been texting, like, we need to take this shit a little more seriously because people are not fucking around with fucking merch. They want their merch, Donald.

1:06:55 There is a lot you guys can do merch-wise.

1:06:59 I was just like, shit, if I knew this was going to happen, I'd get, like, you know, a t-shirt with both our faces on it or something printed before, like, I got on this call.

1:07:07 But, like, I was like, damn it.

1:07:10 You look great.

1:07:12 You look great.

1:07:14 I was in bed when I got the mail, and I was like, oh, shit, I need to start looking like a human being again.

1:07:19 And I was like, ah.

1:07:21 Nor just texted me, Zach. Nor just texted me.

1:07:24 It's almost 1 o'clock at night.

1:07:25 Nora just texted me that the only merch she wants is a 5, 6, 7, 8 Bill Lawrence thing, which I think is very nice of her to have said. Hey, by the way, can we promise Nora a coffee mug that she doesn't have to order a coffee mug, Zach, that we're going to send her a coffee mug?

1:07:40 Bill, stop giving away our shit. You're a guest on the show.

1:07:43 If anybody would like a coffee mug, all you got to do is, you don't have to pay for them. All you got to do, what? I'm not supposed to do this?

1:07:51 No, no, he's right. Listen, from here on out, from here on out, Bill Lawrence brought up a great incentive for making it onto the show. You get a mug? I think you should get a mug.

1:08:04 I love this idea, and I'm loving that it's starting with me, so I'm going to be expecting that.

1:08:10 I see Joelle sigh, not for giving away a mug, but trying to get a mug to India. I see Joelle holding her head like, how the fuck am I going.

1:08:19 To get a mug to India right now?

1:08:21 And by the way... I think it should be a rule, no matter where you're calling from, if you don't get that mug within a week, then you get a second mug. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. What? Wait, what?

1:08:34 Bill, I love you so much.

1:08:36 I love you so much.

1:08:39 You know it doesn't work. It's not going to work when Daniel and freaking Joelle are like.

1:08:43 Hold on, no, no, no.

1:08:45 And then a third mug. Well, then a third mug, Zach. Bill, Bill.

1:08:50 And then maybe like a five or a six or a seven, eight mug?

1:08:53 Five, six, seven, eight?

1:08:54 No, no, no, no, no, no.

1:08:57 No.

1:08:57 Dan, turn it off.

1:08:58 Bill, what the fuck? What, Dan?

1:09:00 No. Woo! And we're back.

1:09:03 I'm doing it right now. He thinks he can take control over the show. Dan, I'm going to need the ability. I'm going to need the ability to be able to mute Bill.

1:09:17 Are we saying your name correct, Noor?

1:09:20 Yes, you're saying it.

1:09:22 All right, Noor. What do you do?

1:09:25 Oh, sorry, Zach.

1:09:25 I was going to ask Noor what she does there. What do you do there in India, Noor?

1:09:28 She collects mugs from fake doctors.

1:09:30 That's what I do.

1:09:34 Well, that's a bit of a loaded question.

1:09:35 But like the short version of that is I have been a wedding planner for eight years. And I just recently as like about four weeks ago, stepped out of my company, gave the whole thing to my partner because I am going to be a sustainable farmer.

1:09:50 Oh, that's very cool.

1:09:51 Oh my God.

1:09:52 Holy shit, that's dope, dude.

1:09:54 It's like the documentary. Did you watch The Biggest Little Farm?

1:09:57 Yes.

1:09:58 So my husband and I have always wanted to retire on a farm and do that whole thing. And then this whole COVID situation has just kind of been like, why are we waiting?

1:10:10 Hmm. That's neat.

1:10:13 Good for you. What are you going to farm? What crop are you going to farm?

1:10:18 We're actually going to do a permaculture, which is kind of an ecosystem of different kinds of things together. And we're also going to live on the farm away from the city so that I don't have to deal with people.

1:10:35 So, yeah. Noor, I missed if you said that you'd seen this documentary, The Biggest Little Farm.

1:10:40 Yes, we have.

1:10:41 I love that documentary so much. And if you, if you're listening and you haven't seen it, please check it out. It's, it's about a couple that, uh, that does a version of what Noor is saying where they create a sustainable farm and it's so moving and amazing. And I, I really loved it.

1:10:56 Yeah.

1:10:56 And it was just, I think, and my husband and I were in a quarantine together with like his family and everything. And we were just, you know, and Bombay is a very loud city and, uh, During like the whole thing was so quiet and was like, we were just like, oh my God, this is amazing.

1:11:11 Why can't we have this for our whole lives? And that's when the conversation started. Like, you know, do you really want to wait 10 years and then start? Do you want to just do it now? And I was like, why not?

1:11:21 Oh, well, I wish you the best of luck. That'd be so awesome.

1:11:24 Bill, do you think you and Krista might also start a sustainable farm?

1:11:29 Yeah, I don't necessarily think that's in the cards for us. But man, do I think that's super. Would the sustainable farm still be like a luxury Four Seasons resort? Is that part of it?

1:11:41 Yeah, Bill, you can build a Four Seasons resort on the farm.

1:11:44 I'm sure. That's really cool.

1:11:49 That is so cool.

1:11:50 Noor, go ahead if you have a question. We're ready to answer.

1:11:53 So I have a few so you can stop me whenever you guys are done answering.

1:11:57 Go for it.

1:11:57 Yeah, go ahead.

1:11:59 Okay, so I'm going to start with Bill just because he's the brains behind the operation.

1:12:03 Of course.

1:12:04 Well, and Nora, thank you so much for enjoying my podcast. It's really cool.

1:12:09 I really enjoy your podcast, Bill.

1:12:11 It's amazing.

1:12:13 I was going to start with Bill.

1:12:14 I was like, oh, here we go.

1:12:17 I totally imagine that in season three of this podcast, Donald and I are guests. You guys, as.

1:12:24 Long as you guys tell me, you can come on whenever you want.

1:12:27 Zach and Donald.

1:12:28 I'm just going to. She's going to let me know when it's going on. Let's hear it, Noor. I'm ready.

1:12:32 Go ahead, Noor.

1:12:33 So if we were to pick up the show today, X number of years after it has gone off the air, and we had to pick up from where the boys are today and the whole cast is today, where do you see the show going? Do you think that they'll still be at Sacred Heart? Or do you think that JD and Toph would go into private practice together? Where do you see the whole show going? Just because there was so much... towards the end of season eight. I don't consider season nine an actual season, so just letting you all know that.

1:13:02 Whatever.

1:13:03 Whatever. Whatever that was.

1:13:09 Nor there was only one main difference with season nine, as I recall.

1:13:16 There were two major differences. Hold up. Both you and Bill were ghosts on that.

1:13:22 So the magic was gone. The magic dream team.

1:13:26 I'm answering Nora's question because I want to hear Donald and Zach's answer to this. So Nora, we were talking a lot because everybody always asks Donald, Zach and me if we're ever going to reboot the show. And what's really interesting is we've always had opportunities, but everybody on this show, A, works constantly because they're also super talented.

1:13:43 And B, we see each other on our own because we love each other. So, you know, we haven't always been driven to do, even for me getting to come on this show on Zach and Donald's podcast. Yes, it's theirs. For me, it's such a, a cool opportunity to see two guys I love. So only recently have we been starting talking about that and thinking about what it would be.

1:14:03 And with the writers, here's the question for you guys. I think that we think Zack and JD and Turk would always be close. And we think that they would always be of service and that those two were doctors for life. But the one thing that we always got caught up on is when you watch the finale of season eight in Zack's voice, JD's voiceover says, and who's to say that all these things wouldn't come true just this once? And then as writers, we fight, does that mean that they all came true? Or does that mean that JD is hoping they came true? So that's where we always start. What do you guys think? Because we always started to go like, if we rebooted this, does that mean that JD and Donald's kids ultimately are going

1:14:42 to end up together and married like they do in the show? Does that mean that those things actually happened? That was amazing. Because to me, that's the trap. Zach, do you think that those things that we were showing in the finale were real, or do you think they were your dreams?

1:14:59 That's a question I've never been asked, and I'm semi-embarrassed to admit that it gave me goosebumps on my arm. But I don't hold anything back from you listeners. Um, I've never been asked that question, Bill. And it's a great question. And I, as, as, as, as you were talking about it, I, I kind of answered it automatically and said, no, that was JD's fantasy of how great life could be. And then I started thinking, and then I started thinking like, if you brought it back, it might be interesting to show that things had not gone that way at all. And in fact, he's, um, they, they've all been separated and they were, you know, You know, on this podcast a lot, we talk about how we're all living life and COVID aside, happy people and doing

1:15:46 the best that we can. But we always talk about how we miss the community of this wonderful thing that happened to us for nearly a decade. And it made me think that it might be interesting that the characters aren't together. They don't have that special bond. And there is some reason that has to bring them together and joy and community come out of bringing them back together.

1:16:10 It's always what's messed us up, bro. You go, Donald.

1:16:13 I agree with you, Zach. I think you're right. I think that's a better story. Joanie Loves Chachi didn't go that long. You know what I mean? That happy ending of the kids... being the next generation of Turk and JD, but it's the love story that, you know, Turk and JD's love story is a great love story, but this is the actual love story where, you know, their children are together. I think that's too happy of an ending.

1:16:45 What if they fucking hate each other? That would be funny.

1:16:47 That's my worst.

1:16:48 Nightmare come true.

1:16:49 I know. See, Nora, that's the problem is that I feel like You know, people wanted, when J.D. says, who's to say my fantasies couldn't come true just this once, that you want to believe that that next Christmas they were all together, you know, and that they stayed friends. And I think people would be really... not happy in a bad way if we came up on a world that they were no longer in each other's lives. So I think that's the tricky part of it.

1:17:13 I'd stop watching immediately. I'd stop watching immediately.

1:17:17 No, you wouldn't.

1:17:18 No, no, no.

1:17:21 Let me clarify what I meant then. I'm saying JD and Turk are still tight. Their kids just don't get along.

1:17:26 That's right.

1:17:27 Nobody cares about their kids.

1:17:29 Well, I was, I was saying that we can be tight, but separated, you know? Um, and I think that Bill, you know, this Bill, you know, this better than anything. The audience will often say something, two things at once. I remember when I, when we screen tested garden state, they were at the very end, we had a focus group of about 20 people.

1:17:48 I was there.

1:17:50 No, you weren't at this one. And they said, uh, Um, they said, how many of you, this was random strangers. And they said, how many of you feel like, um, the ending was a little too pat, but you know, the two lovers get together in the airport. And I would say like 75% of the hands went up and they said, okay. Um, how many, how many of you want them to be together? Every single hand went up.

1:18:13 So as a writer, you're trying and writer director, you're trying to balance, like you, obviously you want to, you want to make the audience happy. But you also want to subvert what they think they want a little bit. Do you know what I mean? Bill, you can speak to that.

1:18:26 Well, look, I'm as proud of the writing and directing I did on Garden State as I am of my podcast.

1:18:31 Oh, my God. Do you want to know? I want to know another funny story just while I'm on the subject. So this is a story that's a total tangent. But in that same test screening, now, when you test screen a movie and you're a director, you have to go because you have to see where the audience is laughing, where they're bored, everything like that. Now you would never invite an actor who's in the movie to the test screen because there's going to be a focus group after and you never know what they're going to say. They might say they don't like that actor. You would never subject an actor to that. But as a writer-director, you have to be there. So there's a focus group in the front row of the movie theater, 20 people lined up.

1:19:06 I'm six rows back with my baseball hat down. I don't want to spoil the sampling and have them know that I'm there. And a girl raises her hand and the moderator calls on her and she goes, look, kudos to Zach Braff for pulling this off. I just don't find him attractive.

1:19:27 That must have been hard.

1:19:31 And I'm sitting there, I'm sitting there like biting my fist. Like this is the most, and all the producers who are in the row with me, they all look over at me like, oh shit, how did that feel?

1:19:42 And I'm like, not great.

1:19:43 I'm going to be honest with you. That right there is a hater. That's all that is, is a 100% hater.

1:19:49 True story.

1:19:51 Look, look, she started the shit off with kudos to Zach Braff for pulling this off. Meaning this shit is fire, dude. This shit is fire, but he's a ugly dude. Bullshit, dude.

1:20:05 You know, it's funny though. This is, I'm just thinking this out loud in real time, but this is before like social media went crazy. And this was sort of a live anonymous troll because she doesn't know I'm in the room. And she's anonymously trolling me to the moderator. But I have to be there because I'm the director of the fucking movie.

1:20:26 How do you guys fix that in the movie? How do you fix it?

1:20:29 They green screen his face.

1:20:35 I don't know if you know this.

1:20:38 Nor's got more questions. Oh, sorry.

1:20:41 First of all, I want to say you're such a fucking dick, A. And B, we spent a hundred grand and lessened my nose. We brought my nose a little in.

1:20:56 I thought it was the green screen mask.

1:20:57 Yeah, we shot some angles where my nose looked too big. We wanted to please that one fucking woman. All right.

1:21:05 Sorry, Nor.

1:21:06 Nor, I'm sorry.

1:21:07 No problem.

1:21:08 Okay, Zach, my next question is for you.

1:21:11 Finally.

1:21:12 So you've done a lot of, like, pratfalls and a lot of, like, funny falls throughout the runtime of the show. Which is your favorite to shoot and which is the one that you thought came out best on screen?

1:21:25 That's a good question, dude.

1:21:26 That's a good question. I'm going to cheat a little, Noor.

1:21:28 Okay.

1:21:29 Yeah.

1:21:30 And I mean, can the Scooter one and the Wizard of Oz count, Bill? I'll let you judge.

1:21:35 Yes, yes.

1:21:37 Just don't say the string line one where you end up in like the garbage stuff. You've said it like 20 times on this podcast.

1:21:43 Oh my God.

1:21:45 I know you like that one.

1:21:46 You know why, Noor? Because that, I don't know if you know this, but Zach directed that one.

1:21:51 I do, don't we know this?

1:21:52 I know, I know.

1:21:55 You don't even have to listen to the podcast.

1:21:57 I listen to the podcast religiously, and I know.

1:22:00 Noor, Noor, first of all, Noor, Noor. Oh, my God. Noor, you're very funny, first of all. And I love the fact that you're such an avid listener that you're like, please don't say the one where you zip line because I've heard it 900 times. By the way, we're going to be so fucked when we get deeper into this series because we're only on season two and season 1.5 and people are already like, please don't tell that story again.

1:22:25 I can't wait for that episode.

1:22:27 Anyway, anyway, nor I do love that episode, but I have to say the funniest, it's technically not a pratfall, I guess, but probably the funniest in Scrubs history. It's what Bill always called our most expensive joke in the history of Scrubs. is when the scooter goes into the endless puddle in the Wizard of Oz episode, where I clearly run into Julian, the underground manatee who doesn't exchange pleasantries.

1:22:55 Because it involved digging two very deep holes. They were very expensive to build because the city demanded they be built to code. for safety because you can't just throw people in a hole that could collapse. And as a director of the episode, we came up with the idea that it would be a one-er, which means we did this elaborate thing where the stuntman is riding the scooter with his helmet on into the first puddle. The camera keeps panning. They weren't really connected underground, obviously, but it pans to the second puddle where I was hiding out underwater.

1:23:35 and then one of the crew members with a hammer as hard as he could banged on the asphalt so I could hear it underground, which meant to pop up because the camera was on me. And it was very elaborate, and I still think one of the funniest gags we did on Scrubs. Bill, you might want to talk about it.

1:23:54 Do you know why that gag is so funny, though? Because manatees seem like the happiest creatures in the ocean. And the fact that he wouldn't. The fact that he wouldn't return pleasantries is one of the funniest things.

1:24:09 He was rude.

1:24:09 He was a rude man. He was a rude man.

1:24:12 He was having a day, guys.

1:24:13 He was having a day.

1:24:15 Wait, but Bill, talk about that from the writer's room because there's no way when you guys thought of that, you could have possibly thought it was going to come out as funny as it did. Because I think I see this as one of the funniest things.

1:24:24 When we thought of it, the most fun was Randall Winston, who's been on the show and is the closest thing I have to a life partner besides my wife. He is the line producer in charge of the budget, and he came to us with the first estimates of how much that joke cost. Yes, yes, look at you. And he came to us with the first estimates of how much that joke cost, and he said it to me in a way that he obviously felt, so unfortunately we won't do it. And in my head I was like, yeah, it feels like we should still go for it.

1:24:53 And that was only a product of youth because– Now, I think I would look at it and go, oh, man, we could have, I guess, I don't know, purchased a small home.

1:25:06 To give to somebody to live in for the price of a joke. You know, but that's that's movie and TV production. Zach, I want to give you props because Nora asked one of my favorite pratfalls of all time. I randomly saw it when I was searching for this episode. Do you remember what you did when you were singing a song you made up going, I'm feeling so good today?

1:25:25 Do you know what that one is?

1:25:26 I still feel good, but nobody saw me fall.

1:25:30 Yeah, so my favorite is that Zach decided to click his heels, because that's very hard to do, and then fall flat on his face and get back up. And I've never seen, that was in a one-er as well, and it looks so incredibly painful and it's so well done. I would vote for that as well.

1:25:46 I want you listeners to know that I would do anything to make you guys laugh. I still go to the chiropractor as often as I can just because of all those years.

1:25:54 We appreciate you, Zach.

1:25:55 Thank you. I do it all for my fans.

1:25:58 Nora, you've got to bring a question Donald's way now.

1:26:00 Oh, sorry, Donald. Yes, I do have one.

1:26:02 I'm going to be honest with you. My favorite pratfall is the one from the episode that Zach directed. I hate to tell you because of what the dude does. It's a stunt man that does it. But after he hits the wall and how he shakes like a fish in the air is one of the funniest things I've ever. I remember when he did it and laughed. I was there the night that happened. And I remember laughing when it happened and then seeing it on camera and laughing at it again. So that's true.

1:26:32 Who directed that one? Did you direct that one, Zoe? I have no idea.

1:26:35 You're such a dick. By the way, I do have to simultaneously give a shout out to the many stuntmen, the several stuntmen that did it over the years, because there were certain things I definitely couldn't do or wasn't allowed to do. And these guys were hilarious. And Donald is right. I was not allowed to. zip line into the wall and you.

1:26:55 Did zip line but you didn't zip line into.

1:26:57 The wall i zipped i zipped line i wasn't allowed to nail the wall what.

1:27:01 You also weren't allowed to drive an actual scooter that had to be weighted down with lead so that you would stay underwater in the first puddle while we went over to the next puddle and you came up yeah think about that that stuntman had to hold his breath for the whole shot.

1:27:15 For that whole shot yeah because.

1:27:17 He had to go under with the scooter and stay under.

1:27:20 No, well, technically, Bill, we panned off of him and then he could come up.

1:27:22 Yeah, but not right away, Zach. Not right away.

1:27:25 But I have to say, not to toot my own director horn, but how many directors are directing from underwater in a puddle where you can only hear with a hammer on asphalt?

1:27:35 All right.

1:27:37 All right, Noor, should we give her one more question or move on to Fix Your Life? I have one more question.

1:27:45 This one is for Donald because I've always wondered this. Like I said, I've watched Scrubs so many times and I wanted to get Donald's perspective on this. Do you wish that your character had a longer run as a single on the show instead of getting into a committed relationship right off the bat?

1:28:00 Considering all the hot people that came in?

1:28:03 Yes, yes, yes, yes.

1:28:05 I felt for you so much.

1:28:07 Yes.

1:28:09 I love that Donald has tiptoed around it and Noor is just like, come on, buddy, be honest.

1:28:14 Come on, buddy.

1:28:16 Judy Reyes is a beautiful woman and the connection that she and I have The chemistry that she and I have is by far the best chemistry I've ever had with any female on screen. By far. I can go down the list and nobody has ever been on the level that Judy and I were on.

1:28:39 Comma. Comma. Comma.

1:28:43 I do, however, wish that Turk was a single for a little bit. At least season one and two. At least season one and two.

1:28:53 I feel for you both. No, I believe it was a product of youth. And I'll say all the same caveats because Judy is so good on the show and so funny and talented. But I remember, and I might be making this up in my head, but I remember as writers telling Judy early on that Turk and Carla were going to be together for the run of the show.

1:29:13 And her being like, oh, that's going to be cool to have a steady relationship, to be the ones that ground it, to explore what that means to meet, get married, stay together, have children, to follow that whole arc. And Donald, who was a young man at the time, I do remember kind of telling you that and you being like, huh?

1:29:31 Really?

1:29:35 As Amy Smart walks by like, morning, Donald.

1:29:40 What?

1:29:43 All right. Now, you know, we have this new segment since you're an avid fan of the podcast. And Bill is going to join us for the first time for... A new segment called Fix Your Life.

1:29:55 Noor, it's time to fix your life.

1:29:59 Okay.

1:30:01 All right, Noor, how can we fix your life, big or small? We're going to do it right now. You don't need to pay for a therapist. You don't need to pay for a handyman. We got it.

1:30:09 Okay.

1:30:10 My cat suddenly scratches me a lot for no reason, especially at night, especially if I haven't fallen asleep by his bedtime.

1:30:16 How do I get him to stop doing that?

1:30:18 Okay, I could tell you this one real quick. Get rid of the cat.

1:30:20 You don't know how to get a cat.

1:30:22 Get rid of the cat.

1:30:24 All right.

1:30:25 This has been a great episode of Fix Your Life. You're welcome, Noor.

1:30:29 No.

1:30:30 As someone who is not a cat person and is allergic to cats, just get rid of the cat.

1:30:37 Noor, I don't know too much about cats. I've got to be honest. I'm more of a dog person, and I've raised a couple puppies now, so I have some experience with puppies. I do know, have you tried, now with puppies, there's a canned air thing that they hate. If you do that canned air noise, they're like, I will never do what I just did again if you promise not to make that canned air. So I would try canned air. Another thing is a water gun. You can sometimes, I don't, most pets do not like getting blasted with a water gun to the face.

1:31:10 Also, there's a, I mean, we've made jokes about everything on Scrubs, but there's also this one episode that we did in which Zach goes down a zip line. And I think he directed that one. You watched that? You watch that on my channel.

1:31:25 I'll watch it deeply next time. Now I'm going to be really in my head about mentioning that episode.

1:31:35 I mean, I love it. Don't get me wrong.

1:31:38 I love it.

1:31:39 My only thing is that I just didn't want you to say that that was your best.

1:31:42 Your favorite part.

1:31:45 Yeah, exactly.

1:31:47 I truly believe that if you want to make it so the cat stops scratching you... You got to get rid of that cat.

1:31:53 No, no, no.

1:31:55 He's my pride and joy.

1:31:58 Donald is joking on behalf of pet lovers everywhere. You're going to keep that cat and you're going to tame him. You're going to tame him. Yeah, he's also a human cat. Try the pet corrector and or a water gun. And I guarantee you that we have just fixed your life.

1:32:15 Fixed your life.

1:32:16 You're welcome. Thank you, guys.

1:32:17 You're welcome.

1:32:18 Thank you.

1:32:19 All right, Noor, it's been an extraordinarily long segment because you've been so darn charming. We thank you so much for coming on the show.

1:32:26 Noor, come back and report on your life. I think what you're doing is so cool and interesting, and I bet you these guys would love to hear it. And if you do it, there's free mugs for your whole family.

1:32:38 Thank you, Gil.

1:32:39 Oh, my God.

1:32:42 I have 59 people in my family. I understand.

1:32:44 I understand. Just letting you know.

1:32:48 Nor in a year and a half when the mug that Joelle's going to put in the mail tomorrow arrives. I hope you enjoy your coffee.

1:33:02 Zach, that mug is going to arrive with like. 17,000 absentee ballots in India.

1:33:08 Exactly.

1:33:09 One year from now.

1:33:13 Too soon.

1:33:14 Sad because it's a little true.

1:33:16 Just before I go, I just want to say, Joel, thank you so much. If there was no COVID, I would kiss you on the mouth because I love you so.

1:33:21 Much for making this happen.

1:33:23 Oh, my God, Joelle getting propositioned.

1:33:26 Thank you. Thank you, Zach, Donald, Bill, Donald. I love you guys so much.

1:33:31 We love you, Noor. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Noor Khan.

1:33:35 Bye, Noor. Bye.

1:33:37 Oh, my God.

1:33:41 What a great movie.

1:33:42 By the way, that's the best. That is the best guest, at least in the ones I've been on here for, that I've gotten to be a part of. And they're all so awesome. That one was cool.

1:33:52 It was amazing. By the way, not only was she just fun, but she knew the show so well that she was like saying, please don't reference that episode yet again.

1:34:05 Which episode?

1:34:06 Oh, my God.

1:34:11 You guys, it was a very special episode for me because I don't know if you know this, but it was the first time I got to direct. All right. Hey, Bill, I know that you don't control the movement of the background. That's up to the assistant directors. But I just wanted you to know that at 1531, Beer Fosse is serving as the pharmacist. He's behind the pharmacist's counter. Being the pharmacist, and I don't recall hearing that Beard Fosse was the pharmacist.

1:34:36 No, no, no.

1:34:37 We did.

1:34:37 I mean, we cut it, but we did some things that he had to cover for the pharmacist. We didn't. That just shit happened. The one that made me the saddest was I think I went back and watched some guy mopping the air because of you guys. It really upset me.

1:34:49 And also, Bill, Beard Fosse was also a patient reason. Beard Fosse was the go-to for the ADs to be like, it's funny that the guy was a patient, Beard Fosse. And now I was drawn to the background going, hey, Jeff Stevenson is not the pharmacist, guys.

1:35:08 OK.

1:35:09 He's Dr.

1:35:09 Beardface.

1:35:10 And as you know, by the way, did it ever did anybody give you pause that his name was Beardface, which he's a smart guy. He would read it as Beardface. And yet he still chose to have such a big beard. I just think that's such....

1:35:27 Well, he wasn't going to shave it after you gave him a character, dude.

1:35:32 If in real life your name was Beardface, I would think that you'd be very careful about not having a beard. That's what always confuses me about that character.

1:35:40 I have to say, one of the hardest I've laughed in a couple episodes, I don't know if I'm just giddy tonight or what, but when Ralphie pukes in the elevator on Kelso... And all you hear is Kelso go, good God.

1:35:59 Oh, you want to know a joke piece of trivia? And it's the last little show reference I had. Other than I thought, by the way, we always give props to Sarah was great in this, Judy, Johnny C, Krista. But I really did think Donald and Zach, it was fun to come on here for this one because you two both slayed it comedically in this episode. I really thought so. Thank you.

1:36:18 And, Bill, since I need your approval, no matter how old I get, that means a lot to me.

1:36:24 It does mean a lot to me.

1:36:26 I mean it sincerely. You guys were both funny as all get out. The last bit of trivia. So comedy writers always get stuck when they think they're stealing jokes from themselves or jokes that they've written before. And there was one in this show that because– or a rowdy exists because I saw somebody– had a dead stuffed dog when I was younger. I had also written about a dead animal joke on Spin City, which was Richard Kine's character says, because they're going to a morgue to try and get a dead cat because for some weird episode.

1:37:05 And he says, turns out, you know, it's weird. I went there and we got it. We put it in the car and I didn't sneeze at all. It turns out I'm not allergic to dead cats. And then Mike Fox says, well, Mike Fox says, well, then you should definitely get one. And then on this show, we then decided, we fought about it for a long time, that Amy Smart, do you know the joke I'm talking about, Zach? That she says, perhaps you remember. I can't even finish this story.

1:37:30 The joke doesn't even get paid off because Casey's there.

1:37:33 Forget it.

1:37:33 No, the joke works.

1:37:34 Casey comes in the building. The joke in this one is Amy Smart says, perhaps he smells my dead dog. Yeah. So we are also living in a world.

1:37:40 Wait, bring her back.

1:37:41 Bring her back. I care more about... Cut that out. Cut that out and bring Casey back. Casey, what's up?

1:37:45 It's about time. Thunders applause, Dan. Thunders applause. Hi, Casey. Ladies and gentlemen, I want you to finally meet the Casey Cobb.

1:37:54 Hi, guys.

1:37:55 Hi.

1:37:57 Hi.

1:37:57 Casey, it's so good to see you. My wife's going to be so jealous. I get to say hi to you and she didn't.

1:38:01 Oh, my God.

1:38:02 Please give her a big hug.

1:38:03 I will. I will.

1:38:05 This is what a mom slash... Housekeeper slash teacher slash everything looks like.

1:38:14 You look stunning. You look beautiful. Are you happy that school started or is it more and more and more and more and more work?

1:38:22 I'm happy it started because the kids are excited to see their friends and their new teachers. But, I mean, I just came up. here to pee and this is the first time I've pissed since 6 a.m. And I have my pajamas on.

1:38:39 Sure.

1:38:42 Bill was saying we should wife swap.

1:38:44 Oh my God.

1:38:49 By the way, if Krista can come into this house and set this one straight, I'll swap any day.

1:38:59 There you go. Thunderous applause, Dan. This is the first wife swap we've had.

1:39:05 Donald said you're going to make the decision based on having a pool over here. He's like, she's going to be like, there's a pool over there. I'll head over for a few days.

1:39:12 You'll never get rid of me.

1:39:13 I will do anything.

1:39:16 Whoa!

1:39:18 All right. Well, best podcast ever.

1:39:20 I will earn my key.

1:39:25 This is what's known, Donald, as a joke backfire.

1:39:28 This segment is the end of Donald and Casey's marriage, brought to you by Mylanta.

1:39:34 Oh, my God.

1:39:35 No.

1:39:36 All right.

1:39:37 I just wanted to say hi. I'm being summoned, I'm sure.

1:39:40 Okay. We love you.

1:39:41 We love you.

1:39:42 We love you, Casey.

1:39:43 It's so nice to finally see you guys.

1:39:45 See you, Casey. I know. I know.

1:39:48 I'm excited to see you.

1:39:49 I think she probably gets that.

1:39:50 She's never listened to the podcast ever. I listen.

1:39:52 I listen because, you know what? Donald likes to... listen to it and make his edits on the loudest volume possible in the main room of the house where we're all sitting.

1:40:02 I hear it every week.

1:40:05 Casey, I don't listen to it all the time either, but I'm going to listen to this section of this one over and over and over.

1:40:13 I love you, Bill.

1:40:15 Bye, guys.

1:40:16 Take care.

1:40:19 I think it's good that you specified, that's Joelle and that's Daniel, because that could be very confusing. We're almost done, guys.

1:40:30 She had no idea what their names were. That's why I said that, because she does not listen to the podcast, and she has not ever seen an episode of Scrubs. I played an episode of Scrubs once for her, and she got teary-eyed at the end. She was like, Scrubs is like this. If I would have known this, I would have been watching all these years.

1:40:47 Oh, my God.

1:40:49 Dead serious.

1:40:49 That's awesome.

1:40:50 Yeah.

1:40:51 I wanted to say that I really related to the idea of the end monologue in this about the idea of feeling alone even at times when there's a ton of people around. I thought that was moving, Bill, and I think that there's a lot of people who are listening who can probably relate to that. Sometimes you're surrounded by people and you still feel super alone and lonesome, and you're like, what's wrong with me? And I think you articulate it well, especially with the visual effect, which is sort of a callback to the pilot that Adam Bernstein directed as well, with people moving all around JD, and he's just there feeling so lonesome. And I just thought, I don't know, it struck me this time as an emotion and a feeling that a lot of people can

1:41:39 probably relate to and think that they were the only one feeling it.

1:41:43 Well, look, man, you hit on two things. One is I'm glad you gave a shout-out to Adam Bernstein because he helped create the look of the show, and he intentionally wanted to do a throwback to the pilot where the pilot, you were overwhelmed and off on your own, and the world was zipping around you, and this one, you're lonely even though you're comfortable in that world and all those people are around you, and he intentionally pitched that to do it kind of the same thing twice in a way that I thought was really cool. But more, I was... struck by the emotion of this episode, not in terms of being a couple, but in terms of, we often talk about in the world right now, but you know, empathy is a big thing.

1:42:25 Okay.

1:42:26 And one of the things that comedy writers will often talk about is joking around. We call it, don't know how good you got it disease, you know, which is, Hey, if you have a job, every job, even being a comedy writer, which is ultimately the greatest gig in the world. And I would do it for free. you still sometimes have crazy hours and tough situations and you'll find yourself with your coworkers complaining and saying like, oh, this part of this job sucks. This part's annoying. This part sucks.

1:42:53 But then you don't ever take a moment to go, holy crap, especially right now, there's a lot of comedy writers that we get to keep working. You know what I mean? Because we're writing shows and trying to get ready in case the world ever opens up again. And you don't always take the time to be empathetic towards the people that don't have it as good as you.

1:43:11 And that's not only true when it comes to having found the person you're meant to be with, but right now in the world, man, I don't know why this episode touched me so much. I feel like if people could be a little more empathetic as to what other folks are going through out there, that things would be just a lot clearer and a lot more simple. And that's why I rarely get choked up at these episodes, but I got choked up at this one because– You know, what I was hearing J.D. say was you fuckers are so caught up in your own pettiness right now. You're not really thinking about how hard it is for other people.

1:43:48 And you guys do that all the time on this show and empathize and think about what's going on out there. So it really touched me.

1:43:55 Yeah. And I just want to say the last thing is that, you know, I think this is one of the only times I explain spiking the lens to to the audience about how it's usually difficult. unless it's done on purpose like Ferris Bueller's Day Off where the character's talking to you, it's usually something that's edited around because we say there's this invisible fourth wall that's the camera and we don't look into the lens because that's the invisible fourth wall. This, I believe, is one of the only times where you put me looking directly at the audience in. I remember shooting this. I watched it and I remember we did a bunch of takes where I didn't look. I just kind of looked off sad. And then I think I said to Adam, like, let me

1:44:38 just do one just for the fuck of it, where I just look directly in the lens. And I was so happy you chose it, Bill, because I, it almost felt to me like at this point in the run of the show, at 2.18 of the show, it almost, I don't know, maybe I'm reading too much into it, but my interpretation was like, I'm checking in with you, the audience. I've been telling you the story for a season and eight plus 18 episodes and And I'm really fucking lonesome right now. And I'm doing the best that I can. I can't do this all on my own, quote unquote. But I'm looking at you. I don't know.

1:45:13 And you never did it. I don't think we ever did it again. No, it's totally. But I thought it was very moving.

1:45:19 And it's me.

1:45:19 So it's bizarre. But I was a bit caught off guard by it because it's not a technique you ever did again or we ever did again.

1:45:27 No, it was supposed to be you're all like me because I think the world is filled of I think it's very hard to be a single person and around married couples and happy couples that are bitching and moaning about whatever trivial thing is making their great coupleness hard. You know what I mean? And so it was definitely an effort to say you're– the only other time we did it, you guys might not remember, is the dumbest joke ever because we talked about spiking the lens was we did an episode in which– You said, it doesn't really matter what you think. I'm really interested in what America thinks.

1:46:03 Oh, yeah.

1:46:05 And you look directly at the camera, and then we revealed a tailor on the other side, an Italian guy that says, it's not America, it's Americo.

1:46:12 Yeah, yeah, that's funny.

1:46:15 But yes, you are correct.

1:46:17 By the way, it's funny that Donald and I always reference Beverly Hills Cop. Eddie Murphy was there, yeah. There's a handful of times when Eddie Murphy looks directly into the lens like, are you seeing this shit? And I think that happens in trading places.

1:46:31 Well, not in Beverly Hills Cop. Trading places. Yeah, I was about to say, it's not Beverly Hills Cop. It's trading places when the Mortimers say to him, it's pork bellies, which is used to make bacon, which you might find in a bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich. And Eddie Murphy looks at the camera like.

1:46:48 Eddie Murphy does one of these, don't he?

1:46:51 He looks at the camera like, what?

1:46:53 Doesn't he do it in Beverly Hills Cop or no?

1:46:55 No, no, no. Beverly Hills Cop is very much straight. He never breaks the fourth wall in Beverly Hills Cop. He does it in training places.

1:47:03 My favorite thing in the world is whenever you see a show or a movie that has a kid that is six or under. you just should go back and watch the scene to see how many times they stare directly at the camera. Cause they can't.

1:47:15 Oh man. Ralphie at one point says the line that Cox is saying, he's saying it at the exact same time. He's mouthing the lines when you see, when you reveal him, it's, it's yeah.

1:47:28 It's hilarious.

1:47:29 Yeah. It's good with kids. In fact, someone told me, someone wrote on my social media, they wrote Zach, ever since you've, um, you, you described spiking the lens to me, you've ruined Degrassi high for me because the, the, the, They said the teen extras or the teen background performers are doing it nonstop.

1:47:46 Yo, you want to see something really funny? One of the biggest stars in the world right now is Will Smith, right? Watch the first season of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. He's mouthing everyone's lines.

1:47:57 Really?

1:47:58 You see him doing it. You see him saying everyone's lines while they're making the show.

1:48:04 And if you go back and watch that, see if you can find Krista Miller playing a girl that Will Smith hits on and dances with.

1:48:12 I can't wait. I'm going to look for that right now. As soon as this episode is done, I'm going to look and see when Will Smith.

1:48:21 Hits it. I think it is done, Donald. We've done it. We've celebrated this really good episode. And I'm so glad you were here, Bill, because it wasn't just your average episode. It was a particularly good one, I think.

1:48:36 Well, it means a lot to me not only to see you two, but to see Daniel and Joelle, who I come to enjoy spending time with. And I make all my stupid jokes because I wish that this was my podcast because I enjoy it. And I listen to it with my giant earphones at night every Tuesday and Thursday when it comes out. That's my going to bed thing.

1:48:54 I miss you both. I love seeing Casey. I love seeing you four. I really appreciate getting to be involved in this occasionally, guys.

1:49:02 Well, we love you.

1:49:03 I love you, Bill.

1:49:04 Daniel, thanks, brother. We love you, and we love all of you. Thank you so much for continuing to tune in. For those of you who were so interested in the merch and are pitching the funniest fucking ideas for merch I've ever seen, we will get to it. Donald and I are going to dedicate more bandwidth to putting up merch now that we know that y'all are.

1:49:23 I'm going to be honest with you. I don't think that I can get... I don't think we can get iDocLeo on a shirt.

1:49:30 That's dishy. But if you love the 5, 6, 7, 8 Bill Lawrence thing, I want you to tweet Zach. Only Zach. Not Joel. Not Daniel.

1:49:40 Not Donald.

1:49:41 Not me. Just tweet Zach that you want it, and he's going to need to hear it a lot for him.

1:49:47 You know what I'm going to make? I'm going to make a t-shirt with Bill's face giant on it. And it's just going to say 5, 6, 7, 8 across the.

1:49:54 Top of it. I already got some of those if anybody wants one. I make them in my garage.

1:50:00 Bill's made some at home.

1:50:01 He's got a press.

1:50:03 Wait, there was something I wanted to say you just reminded me of. Oh, this girl on my Twitter, she sent me the funniest picture, Donald. It's Leo standing on a dock and it's um i think it's from um great gatsby and he's at the end of his dock and there's a little rowboat and and this woman or young woman wrote um i wish i was good at photoshop because i would put donald in the rowboat that's perfect yeah because then you can be docking leo.

1:50:38 Things that will never make it to a shirt.

1:50:44 Okay.

1:50:44 If you're at home, you can make your own Donald Docking Leo shirt. Thank you for tuning in. We really appreciate you. And hey, Bill, why don't we go out with another Charlotte Lawrence song? What's your favorite song that's not the one we played? Since we're limited in what we can play, but we can celebrate your beautiful daughter.

1:51:00 Well, look, hey, one of the cool things that Warner Atlantic is doing is that they released a children's album. My daughter did a song called Lavender's Blue on there. It's a bunch of huge recording artists that you will know doing kids' songs. It's at home with the kids. And all the proceeds, 100% of the proceeds go to Save the Children, which is doing amazing work in 100 different countries worldwide. So this will be a little kid's lullaby, but it's called Lavender's Blue by Charlotte Lawrence, no relation.

1:51:32 Lavender's blue, dilly dilly, lavender's green. When I am king, dilly dilly, you shall be queen. Who told you so, dilly dilly, who.

1:51:47 Told you so?

1:51:50 Toss my.

1:52:04 Dilly dilly send them to work some to the plow dilly dilly some to the fork some to make hay dilly dilly some to cut corn while you and I dilly dilly keep ourselves warm the venters If you have. I love to dance, dilly dilly, I love to sing When I am queen, dilly dilly, you'll be my king Who told me so, dilly dilly, who told me so I told myself, dilly dilly, I told myself ©

1:53:33 Transcript Emily Beynon