Growth Mindset Wealth, AI & Wellness Strategies | Arlene Cohen Miller x Ademola Odewade

0:00 I just felt like, Oh my gosh, I'm in over my head. I can't do this. It took it was horrible. It was a really nasty experience, but I'm glad I have it because I really do understand how people feel when they start sharing that. And it sometimes it can take a while to dig ourselves out of that hole and just show ourselves step by step that I can do certain things and we just need to be kind, patient and tolerant with ourselves if that stuff comes up and put things in place where maybe we just take one small step forward at a time and then really acknowledge and celebrate those successes.

0:40 Welcome to the King Dems Podcast, where we share the stories of extraordinary people and dissect hot, relevant topics that shape our world. From visionary leaders to trailblazing creatives, we uncover the mindset, strategy, and grit behind greatness. Whether it's business, culture, or personal growth, we ask the real questions.

0:59 This isn't just conversation, it's transformation. The Kingdom's podcast, Your Next Breakthrough, starts here. Music licencing reimagined. We alive ladies and gentlemen, you will once again welcome to the Kingdom's podcast and today I have with me a very, very special guest fighting out of Colorado United States of America.

1:26 Make welcome Allen, the leadership coach Cohen and Beeler. How are you Allen A? Unique introduction. I'm I'm great. Thank you. Well, for a moment you thought you were a fighter, you know. Seen some fights, some live ones, but yeah. Yeah, life. Life is a fight, you know, and people like you live in an elevation in Colorado. You guys are cheats.

1:57 You guys have the cheats code of nature you have. You have stronger lungs. We do have strong lungs. Of course your cardio is better maybe thanks to the elevation. But Cord, why? Why you guys? But like, what is it like, you know, in terms of that elevation, you guys, you know, especially persons like yourself who have been privileged to have been an athlete at some point in your life and, you know, going down to to sea level.

2:29 Well, I, I, we were talking about them. I do. I have a daily yoga practise now. I'm not running anymore, but I came out here and it takes your lungs about six weeks to get used to all of this, but you get you acclimated. And then you even though you're running slower here than you could in the Midwest to the South where I grew up, if you go back to visit and you run a race, it's like you're a minute fast or a mile. It's like you have wings on your feet. It was like the most amazing experience. And you know, I, I did enjoy, you know, coming up, coming to Colorado and doing races in the mountains and stuff like that. It's very challenging, but it's also fun. I mean, you just, you're so much

3:05 oxygen and you feel like high on life. So, yeah, a lot of people come to Colorado to train for all kinds of sports. And you just get used to the elevation. Although I'm at the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. If I drive up, you know, to you can go up on a whole nother mile and you just start driving up there and you just, it's like your lungs expand and you feel so cool and it's so much quieter.

3:28 And I love the mountains. So I feel very blessed to be here. Well, I call it the unfair advantage of elevation. It's unfair, you know, see what you want, see what you wish, but that's an unfair advantage. But anyways, you know, for the person who is on the elevation and of course, I think it's still even showing you, you look elevated at myself even in the fridge.

3:52 You're still using the Colorado advantage even though the forecast. Why London? Is an amazing place so. We know, we know. Tell us about London. You've actually been to London before at like, how's your time in London? I really enjoyed it. I was always, I was always there in business, which so you had went to business meetings, but we always went to fun places. And I mean, I don't remember all the stuff we did. I and the food is different and interesting and I love, love, love, love your architecture because it's a much older place than the United States are nice.

4:25 There's all different kinds of people there. Any kind of kind of person you want is there in England. So it's I find it a really interesting country to visit. And yeah, I've loved every time. Yeah, it's metropolitan in nature. You see people from every part of the world in London. And if you think the architecture in London is beautiful, go to Scotland.

4:48 And of course, I think he you're going to see the Colorado of architecture over there. You know, it's, it's beautiful. But there are some places in, you know, they have really cool like, well, not in Colorado. I've been to where was it? It was in, it was in the West. And I, we went into some bar and they had the stools. They were at the bar were actually horse saddles. They had taken horse saddles and made them into bar stools. You get some really cool Western kind of stuff out here that you might not see, you know, in terms of architecture, help people decorate things.

5:21 Then you know, in other parts of the world, not where people, you know, not their home, but maybe some restaurants and stuff in the mountains. It's just different. So we have our own little unique way of doing things as well. You know, Speaking of unique, you know, you have a unique band of experiences being an attorney, being a mentor, coach, being a speaker, being a CEO of, you know, Joel Coen Salton, see, but looking at everything you've been able to put together and of course, you are very passionate about achieving work life balance. And you say that work life balance starts, you know, from within.

6:01 I don't know if you can see what is written on my wall, but the very last two lines say beauty and strength come from within. So I can you elaborate, you know for us what does that really mean when you say that work life balance achieving it comes from from within? I also add the word harmony to it because balance to me feels like perfectionism.

6:31 That can be too perfectionistic. But if you're harmonised it's it's a whole different thing. Well, I guess. Harmony. Does that come with a Symphony? I could, but I never put music in the background before, but that's something very, very interesting. I guess what I feel when it comes comes from within is like if you're calm, if you're aligned to love, if you're centred in your heart, if you're really grounded and fully present in your body and you let go of a bunch of stress and anxiety. You can have the same problems, you can have the same challenges.

7:02 You can have all these things you have to do. But because you feel different inside, maybe more calm, more confident, more self assured, you're going to be coming from a from place to handle those tasks. So it's, you know, can people talk about like work life hacks and mom hacks and all these things that you can do to save your time. But if you're not different inside of yourself, you might have more free time, but you're still going to be maybe really anxious and overwhelmed during that time period. So I really believe we need to start with self-care and self love and taking care of ourselves inside so that we are coming from a different place.

7:41 And if we start to get stressed, we need to take a time out like we would give to ourselves as kids or to our children and I don't know, get out of nature, do something else, breathe, come back, and then, you know, you'll see where you're at. I, I love what you said about going out into nature. I love nature. For me personally, you know, being in nature has a very, very therapeutic impact and effect on myself. Would you like to briefly talk about, you know, the impact of nature?

8:14 But nature is like an energy like it's, it's like love and I don't know, compassion and all these energies because you go out and you're around beautiful trees or it depends what, what your world looks like. Your nature looks a little bit different than ours. You get a lot more rain than we do. But right now we've got a lot and everything's green and then the trees are blooming and so are the flowers. And you go up even higher in the mountains and it just feels different.

8:38 And you have like taller, skinnier trees. And I don't know, there's something for me that when I'm in nature, it's like everything else falls away and it feels different. You know, in Colorado, you can take a hike on a trail and, you know, in the foothills and you can see the mountains everywhere and you can you can feel it.

8:57 And I don't know, you, it just, I think that people who sit in front of their screens all day, you're really missing something. And we need to get kids back out of nature because you, you just feel more whole and, and you're more able to express and let things out and run around. And I don't know, I just absolutely think it's one of the most healing gifts we have on this planet. Absolutely.

9:24 You know, Speaking of work life balance, what do you think are the common misconceptions that people have about work life balance? Well, I don't know what the common misconceptions are you're talking about, but I guess some people like think, well, how can I ever be balanced? And you're right, that's why I add the word harmony in there because what we need in there is like that flexibility and adaptability, because things are always changing.

9:51 You know, this week there might be this thing happening, next week, there's that week happening. So we have to be flexible and adaptable. You know, the world is changing, our life is changing, We feel different. So if we if we have this like horse blinders on that things have to be a certain way to be balanced, we're going to be upset and unhappy.

10:10 So I think when we bring that flexibility and adaptability and able to go with the flow and move with the motion, set our priorities, we have realistic expectations. A lot of people have ridiculous expectations like I can get done and one day what normally take a week, well, that's not going to work and you're going to feel bad about yourself.

10:31 A lot of the things, a lot of the pressures I think we put on ourselves raise a hand. I used to do that to myself all the time like that To Do List. So yeah, I just got to step back and go, is this really kind and patient? Is this really kind to myself? Can I be patient and tolerant with myself as well? And so I guess that's what I have to say because I don't know exactly what you mean.

10:52 What people say about work life balance. I don't know what everyone says but. It's, you know, it's different things to different people. It's different things to different people. But you know, in terms of you talking about expectations just made me remember something someone told me and this person said, have you ever heard of the beatitudes of expectations?

11:12 I have not. OK, do you want me to tell you? Sure, go ahead. That's going to cost you $1000. Don't worry, I'll tell you. I'll give you the invoice, you know, I'll send you the invoice. Great. I'll send it to you to dual, to dual consultancy. You know other person. As I said, blessed are those who are expectant of nothing, for they shall not be disappointed.

11:37 Well. That's beautiful. I think I've heard that before, but I just didn't remember that. That's lovely. Yeah, so, so are you trying to cut your invoice in half? You know, let's help it out. Always say on this show, and it's a very, very big part of my identity, I always say that gratitude is good attitude, you know, and you talk about gratitude and work life balance intersecting in creating harmony in our lives.

12:07 So how does that actually work? Well, if anyone ever has a gratitude practise, because it's not, it's a feeling thing, not a thinking thing. When we're really grateful people are those goes well, I'm waiting for something to be grateful for. We'll take a look at all the things you already have manifested for yourself in your life. Have a comfortable bed to sleep in. Do you have a roof over your head? Do you have hot water?

12:31 Do you have food in your pantry, in your fridge? You know, we are with manifesting, we've already manifested so many amazing things in our life just to take care of ourselves. And so for me, gratitude is like just being fully present in my life and paying attention to what's going on. Because all these little things happen every day in our lives and we just sort of like ignore them or blow them off. And we'll have one focus and we're not really aware of all these beautiful things we can be grateful for. You know, maybe when I step outside today in my Little Red Riding Hood raincoat because it's raining out, you know, I can be grateful that it's raining in Colorado. We don't get a lot of rain.

13:09 It's very green here right now. It's going to help to have a beautiful spring. The yard that I live in, they have, we have Peach trees and all kinds of amazing fruit trees. It's going to really help them to bloom and grow and have amazing fruit this year. So you can just stop and appreciate, you know, the little things that can even be, you're driving your car and someone lets you in. You know, it's traffic.

13:31 There's just so many little things that happen every day, and when we take the time to really feel grateful for them, it changes our whole outlook because gratitude is a really high vibration, sacred quality. It sort of expands you out so your heart is bigger and you have a lot more room to be who you are. You know, let's say little hinges swing huge doors. And he talked about being grateful, especially about the little things.

14:03 That reminds me of Bob Marley's song. Don't worry about a thing, that every little thing will be OK or is it alright or something? You know, there's this joke on social media when somebody said people complain a lot about the big things. Didn't he hear Bob Marley? Bob Marley said every little thing will be OK.

14:20 He did not say every big thing, Right. Yeah. Yeah. You know, every every little thing. You listen to and you're smiling because it's just like, this is sort of. It's a great song. Yeah, very, very great song. And of course, you know, that guy was a great philosopher, you know, musical philosopher.

14:40 Basically. You know what you're talking about work life balance. It's also involves, you know, escaping that, that feeling of being overwhelmed, right? So whenever you feel overwhelmed, what's your goal? To practise, to recenter yourself. I do breath work and I just and I really. I love breath work. Yeah, because it can be super duper simple. Because physiologically, if we're overwhelmed and stressed, we're physiologically like in fight or flight and all you have to do in order to go back into rest and relax mode. I mean, there's all kinds of breathing techniques. The easiest one is because you have to breathe everywhere and no one can will even notice you're doing this is just to like to breathe in through your

15:29 nose, breathe out through your nose and have the out breath longer than the in breath. And you just do it as long as you need. Someone might be blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You just listening or or you're driving your car or you're standing in line somewhere. You might as well if you feel stressed, practise these kind of this kind of really simple breathing technique.

15:49 It just calms you down. And the other thing I like to do with the breath work is grounding. And I know it sounds weird, but I just pretend like I'm a tree. And I can feel like from my heart centre, there's this column of light going down my body, down my legs, out my feet. And when it comes out my feet, I have like roots of light, like a tree, and it anchors deep into the heart of the planet.

16:13 And I can really feel myself being pulled into my body. And it sort of makes me more solid and fully present here now. And it just helps me to go. I'm more here, you know, I'm breathing, I'm letting go. I'm going into that rest and relax mode. I'm really grounded in here and present. So I can be really present in this moment, not worrying about the future or thinking about the fat past, whether it's remorseful or, you know, things that I love to do.

16:38 And just when I'm really, when we're really fully present here now it's a lot easier to be more relaxed. I like that and you know that very much. Links to awareness, you know that self-awareness is actually very, very important alter important. I think a lot of people do not give it the the attention, you know, that it deserves or awarenesses, you know, are pretty pretty much important. And are you able to, you know, share like a practical real life story of somebody who was able to achieve transformation, you know, especially some of the someone that you have had the privilege of coaching, you know, who was able to improve on their awareness and also be calm, you know, able to overcome burnout and stress.

17:39 Yeah, Well, I think the really cool thing that we do is that we've that I learned as a coach, and I'm assuming most coaches learn this is the presence that we hold for our clients is everything. So like I was trained, I sort of knew how to do it, but I didn't really know how to talk about it. But my coaching training gave it to me. And it's like what we do is we hold this really big like judgement free space of unconditional positive regard. It's really just unconditional love. So we're just anything is possible in this space. So that when people, what people appreciate is that lots of sometimes if you're having a conversation with somebody, all they're doing is thinking about what they're going to say to bring the conversation back to

18:17 them instead of like really being open to holding a space and exploring with with the person. So first and foremost, it's really important that we hold that space for the people that we're working with. And yeah, there's been so many different examples. I guess one example was a really lovely woman, I just adored her and she had two teenage sons and she was really having trouble at home with them and she was doing really great at work.

18:46 She was not self-employed, she was working for some other people. But as we were going through working together, what I what, what was coming out was that she was, she was like working under a bunch of different people. So she was going into people please remote and kind of being a doormat and taking on a lot more than what she could handle.

19:09 So she felt like she had no power at work. And but at home, you know, her, her sons were both like 14 and 15. And so they weren't adults. She was a king of the roost. I think her mother was living there with them as well. And she was really being unreasonable with them. You know, they, they wanted to get a dog and she wouldn't let them get a dog.

19:33 And her reasoning was like really out there. And so I guess it wasn't that I said anything or did anything, but I gave her a big enough space that she was talking about all of this stuff that was happening at home and talking about all the stuff that's happening, working. It began to dawn on her what was going on and why there was that imbalance, why there was that lack of harmony within her because of how she was like allowing herself to take on too much at work and then coming home and being like more of a tyrant with her beautiful sons. And she just had this realisation. It wasn't like I asked her any.

20:08 I did ask her empowering questions. But I really feel that sometimes when people have the opportunity to really share. And hear themselves talk and maybe have some things that are for reflected back to them. Like this is what you just said, you know, how does that sit with you? Or this is what I'm feeling or experiencing because of what you've just been sharing with me. How does that work or not?

20:29 And they can come to a different space. And she eventually just popped in one day to a session and went, we're getting a dog. All of her reasons sort of a dissipated and she sort of realised that, Oh my God, I am pushing away the people that I love the most because of what I'm experiencing at work. And it was kind of flip flopping and I, I was really surprised. I didn't think she was ever going to come to that realisation.

20:53 But it really it gave me a real respect for the coaching process because I know that I do a lot better with stepping forward with things in my life. If I come to my own knowing versus someone saying you have to do this, I don't do really well with that and I don't think most people do as well. So she found her own balance or beginning to find it by really seeing what kind of behaviour she needed to change within herself. And that made a huge difference for her, her both personally and professionally, because she started saying no when she just, she was up to here and couldn't take any more at work and they had to adjust a little bit.

21:29 But you know, she was doing way more than her share. I'd just like to say the activity doesn't necessarily generate productivity. The emphasis of a lot of people is on activity and too much activity tends to lead to burnout, you know, and of course that affects mental health in a negative way. Talking about these activity that would, I say people that are activity centric, how do you deal with them? Course, basically the work that you do helps people's mental health.

22:03 So how do you achieve a transformation of mindsets for people? Well, I think it's, it comes back to the awareness that you're talking about because lots of times, I mean, when I was younger, I had some really weird ideas. You know, I thought that if I just complained about everything to my girlfriends, that's that's how we bonded. But actually you're just focusing all the on all the negative in your life and that doesn't help at all. So, you know, it just what we're doing is we're helping people to be aware of how they're talking to themselves, aware of how that's affecting what they're doing in their life so that we can begin to ask some powerful questions of wow, does that really work for you or not?

22:47 Or, or how if you had could wave a little magic wand, how would you like to do things differently? And so once they become aware of all this activity and goings on in their life and maybe one to step back, you know, I can't change anybody. If they, they feel that they have to be hyperactive all the time and really avoid seeing themselves or getting to know themselves better.

23:06 I can't make them change. But oftentimes people will come to us because it's too much and they don't really realise how much it is too much. And, and the impact this happening on the all their frenetic behaviour and running around, it comes down to helping them become aware. And once they're aware, you know, what do you want to do with that? You know, how is that working for you or not? And I guess it's starting to explore it like that. You know, you talk about how crucial it is to celebrate our wings, even the small ones that are regularly. So why is it important?

23:42 Because if we're waiting like to be a big speaker on a huge day to write the most popular book in the world, and that's our criteria, we're not going to have anything to be grateful for. To acknowledge ourselves for, to really create that foundation for ourselves in our life and build that foundation of gratitude and build that foundation for what we actually our bigger goals and ideas.

24:06 It's super important to acknowledge our little wins and victories along the way because when we do that, we bring in gratitude, we bring in self acceptance. It's not a hard thing to do. And a lot of people need to let go of the feeling that that's a selfish thing to do, that simple kind of self-care. Because it can be as simple as I really don't want to get on the phone with this person or I really don't want to write this report.

24:32 But we decide, OK, look, I'm going to do this first thing. That's the first thing I'm going to do because I really don't want to do it. I'm going to give it 110% of myself. I'm going to have a conversation to the best of my ability or I'm going to write the best report that I'm going to do. And when I'm done, I'm going to congratulate myself. You know, I did the best I could, job well done. I'm going to acknowledge that, maybe have a do a little happy dance, have some success.

24:58 All that builds that foundation for being in more love and less fear. It's really that simple. And when we're experiencing more love and we're taking care of ourselves like that, we're going to feel different about ourselves and naturally be more productive. And of course we're going to be able to give ourselves breaks because we did a good job. You know, I need a 5 or 10 minute break. Job well done, and I'm going to come back and do some more. I don't know if that makes sense, but I've been practising in it and the people that I know that do practise it, they seem to have a lot more joy in their lives. So Speaking of more joy, what are your thoughts, You know, positive affirmations in terms

25:41 of our bring in more joy into people's lives. Affirmations are wonderful. I mean, there's many ways we can do that, but I guess one way we can do that, one way I do that is like if I make a mistake, I go, that's not like me, I'll do better next time. If I do something where it's that's really cool, I'm like, I'll have more of that.

26:02 That's more like me or you can just have a, a simple affirmation like I am worthy of love, I am worthy of success. And if we say them and we repeat them over and over again and that's what we're focusing on, we're going to get more of that. And if something yap, yap, yes, it doesn't says that's not true.

26:19 Well, this is what I'm choosing to create for myself. This is who I'm choosing to be. And eventually we're going to end up believing it, hopefully. But it is a wonderful start to use affirmations. There's there's many ways that we can work with increasing that joy and that is certainly one of them. So what?

26:37 What practical tips can you share about transforming our inner critic into an empowering inner coach? Well, first of all, well, of course, we have to be aware that we do have an inner critic. I wasn't aware of that for a while. I found that blah, blah, blah in my head was just who I was. That's not who I am.

26:58 You know, like I'm a soul having this human experience in this body and that blah, blah, blah in my head. That's a pattern and programme that I created so I can create it. And one of the ways that we can practise dissolving that inner critic. And maybe it will never completely go, but at least we'll be aware when it's yapping in our ears and say no thank you. We're buckling up in the back seat of the car and the inner coach that I am is in the driver's seat. And so when we hear that inner coach, or even when we don't, well, I guess if you're hearing the inner critic, I'm sorry. What we can do is like, OK, if someone was talking to me and they were telling me all this stuff that they that's going bad in their life and what's

27:41 happening wrong and how hard it is and how stressed out they are. Most of us, if we were dealing with a friend or someone we care about, we would nurture them. We would support them, we would listen to them, we would champion them. If they had their head in a really dark place, we might say, look, you're really taking a deep dive into something that's not working for you.

28:01 You know, I think you need to pull your head out and let's look at this a little bit differently. So we already know how to do that. We already know how to do that. So we don't have to learn, learn anything new. All's we have to do is like turn around and begin to give that same kind of coaching to ourselves. And at first it can feel like really imposter syndrome or we're a fraud, but we just keep.

28:24 Read my mind. He did read my mind because I was going to ask you about impulsive syndrome. Like, have you dealt with people who struggle with, you know, impulsive syndrome and like, what is the practical, you know, way to, to overcome it? Yeah, I think, I think everyone has a little bit of imposter syndrome in them, you know, because like we might feel really confident like here, but we step up to a next level and we have more responsibility and then we're going, I don't know if I can do this.

28:55 So I think everyone has a little bit of that kind of stuff going on for them. And I just think the first thing and thing we need to do is not try to tell people you can't do that, that's not real, is go wow, you know, I hear that you really, this is how you feel. All your feelings are valid. All of our feelings are valid. They might not be the truth, but they're absolutely valid. And so how can we love the bidding you that feels this way? Because often maybe it's a child or a teenager or something in us that just feels like, you know, this, this is too hard. And oftentimes it's just a matter of loving those bits inside of ourselves that got stuck somewhere or we didn't like their behaviour and we just

29:39 really have to to love them. And I actually had an experience like that my first year of law school. I just felt like, Oh my gosh, I'm in over my head. I can't do this. It took, it was horrible. It was a really nasty experience, but I'm glad I have it because I really do understand how people feel when they start sharing that. And it's sometimes it can take a while to dig ourselves out of that hole and just show ourselves step by step that I can do certain things and we just need to be kind, patient and tolerant with ourselves if that stuff comes up and put things in place where maybe we just take one small step forward at a time and then really acknowledge and celebrate those successes.

30:22 So we're coming back to, you know, to what I was previously talking about. And it's important not to negate somebody if they're saying that this is how I feel because their feelings are valid. And we just have to work with taking small steps forward so that their self esteem can expand and they can actually see on the ground things that they're doing that they can acknowledge and celebrate and begin to whittle away and dissolve that imposter syndrome feeling. What are an interesting take the next theme that you know that you talk about, that I want to talk about is, you know, creating strong boundaries.

30:58 How does creating strong boundaries contribute to personal and professional success? Well, if I don't have small strong boundaries like I didn't when I was younger, that would mean that it could be a couple of things. You know, there's for me, there's boundaries are like an actual physical thing, but they're also more of an energetic thing as well.

31:17 So if I am allowing people to push me around and tell me what to do and I'm not valuing and honouring myself, then I'm going to start contracting and playing small. And so, but if I am filling myself up with love, if I'm engaging in self-care, that I'm going to be more expanded, I'm going to have more to give to people and I'm going to and then I'm going to have stronger boundaries because I really feel like there's there's people in this world who like to come and talk to us. I don't want to be my wife anymore, but all they want to do is complain about everything and dump all their negativity in my energy field and your.

31:59 Energy feel, no vibration. And they walk away feeling great. And we walk and we walk away feeling horrible. Or I've had people, because I can be a very giving and kind person, I'm sure you can too, who come and they, they might not even be conscious of it, but they want to be with us because maybe we're more positive, more open, more kind than they are. And they want to come and suck our energy even. More generous.

32:25 With that, walk away and great and we're going to feel like crap. And so the only thing that we can clear within ourselves is our own stuff. You know, I can't clear anybody else's stuff. So I work with it on a very energetic basis. You know, I'll like put a beautiful golden bubble of protection around myself and then and just affirm that I am only open to energies that are about love.

32:48 If it's not about love and someone's sending that to me, it's going to go right to them. But if I'm doing them a favour because if someone tries to negativity in my field, they came here to learn how to do something differently. And so they're they're not going to be able to get that lesson because it's in my energy field. I can't do anything with it.

33:13 I can only evolve and grow with what I came in here to clear and heal. So actually I'm doing a very kindness by setting it back, even though they probably won't like it. But you know, that's so energetically, it's like these are my boundaries. My boundaries are about love. You can't dump field in my energy field. And if you do, I'm going to send it back to you, even if I even care for you.

33:35 And I think one of the most, the hardest things for me to learn was I had to have those same kind of boundaries for the people I love, my family, because for a while I had no boundaries with them because I thought that that was that I couldn't love them or they wouldn't feel my love. They'll feel my love because I'll be more filled up with love to be kind and compassionate with them.

33:56 If I have those energetic boundaries. And I say, that's not, that's not cool. You can't do that. I might not use the words, but they can feel it. Your energetic boundaries are now more like a mathematical boundary. Of course, negative multiplied by negative is equal to positive. So are you heating their negative with the negative or on your boundaries so that they can bounce back and become positive? I don't really understand negative. Negative equals the positive.

34:27 But to me, I'm being, you know, it's, it's a kindness to them. And even if they don't want to experience it, because if I'm not taking on their negative stuff, I'm going to be able to be more kind and compassionate and filled with love to support them. And it's not my job to take on other people's stuff. You know, it's it's that's why, Why? What?

34:47 It's above your pay grade. Pardon me, I said. ET is above your pay grade. I get, well, maybe I don't know, I'm just doing the best I can with what I got. I don't make any sort of claims. You know your meditation facilitator, you know for the benefit of those people watching us or listening to us right now, our audience.

35:08 So what simple techniques can they start to practise right away to reduce stress? A really simple technique that you can use is like a body scan and you can put on like really some music that you love that's really soothing and calm. You might want to just lie down on your bed or something comfortable. And basically what you're doing is you're just breathing and you're like relaxing the muscles of your body from the top of your head to the bottom of your toes. And you're just letting you like your shoulders drop. And maybe you're moving around your head and your neck and you're just, to the best of your ability, you're just letting everything relax.

35:43 And so you maybe you might breathe in and breathe out as you're letting, allowing these muscles to relax. And maybe you might have some really tense spots. A lot of people have the neck and shoulder stuff or sometimes you get like a big knot right in your solar plexus. If you're all stressed, you can just feel those or visualise them dissolving and just letting it go.

36:02 And maybe you're just breathing in gratitude, breathing out what's not working for you. And so by relaxing our body from the top of our head to the bottom of our toes or from the bottom of our toes to the top of our head, and breathing while we're listening to music that we really love. So it wouldn't be heavy metal, it would be something relaxing or whatever I like makes your heart sing.

36:24 It is a very simple way to let go of stress and a very simple way to just be more centred in our hearts. You know, it's interesting how you move from the practise of law to coaching and mentoring. I'm quite curious about what inspired this shift in career and do you think you have been able to apply any transferable skills from law to this new pathway? Well, yes, I have transferable skills. I mean, I other people ask me this question a lot and I feel like every single experience, every single job that we have all contributes to who we are now and we can use all those skills and abilities if we so choose. So I mean, the law taught me how to negotiate and how to settle things and how to work with

37:12 people and how to, I was in a lot of leadership positions in a national organisation because of it. So how to lead and just how to, I guess, interact with all kinds of people because that's what I did. And so I'm really grateful for that. So I think the skills are very transferable. It's, it's like it's a part of who I am.

37:32 So it wasn't like I had to give something up to, to be a coach or a mentor or to learn meditation. I think those kind of gifts and skills just enhanced my personal experience in my life. And I, I hope that everybody that has a lot of different skills or abilities that they feel the same way because it's, it's all contributes to the whole of who we. Are it's all important in the grand scheme of things and you know, Speaking of people out there, what advice do you have for people that feel stuck on on life's hamster wheel and are looking for a change and what would you advise them practically?

38:10 You know, I, I would. I've I've felt that way before and they didn't have coaches like me back that I went to counselling. Been there, done that. So, you know, it really depends, it really, if you really feel like you're going around in circles and you don't know how to get off, you know, I could give you some pat answers, but think they might not help. Sometimes I feel it's really important to get some outside help or maybe just join a group of people of like minded souls, I call it, where we all have sort of the same kind of maybe different things that we're moving towards, but we're all moving towards changing and evolving and growing somewhere in our life.

38:46 I find it's a much easier to let go of stuff and step into the new if I'm working in a group and I still work in mentoring groups where I'm a part of that group can feel it's really, really powerful and it's something that I like to facilitate for other people. I do a couple of mentoring groups, one in line and one on person most weeks.

39:05 And if you are on that hamster willing and you just want to begin to get off, maybe one way could be even just we haven't talked about this yet is creative visualisation where you just really, you know what, what would be a next beautiful step to have in my life? And maybe it's a new job, maybe it's, you know, a new relationship, maybe it's a new place to live. Maybe it's just my house is a mess and I wanted to be all cleaned up and beautiful.

39:30 Just begin everyday to visualise and affirm that that's that's your reality now, not in the future right now and feel and see it. And that could be a beginning first step, as long as you stick with it. You know, sometimes we get an inspiration and we want to do it. And that's why I was recommending groups because, you know, the groups or even having one accountability buddy that we're doing it with, you know, can help us continue to move forward when it's not so glitter and amazing anymore. You know, and I can actually say iron, sharpened iron, yeah. That's that motivation that comes with, you know, operating in in groups.

40:06 Teamwork makes the dream work. It's lovely. I like that one, I said. Well, I haven't read that before. Oh wow, for me to you. You take that at a Crest, you use it. Work. I'm not going to forget that. Great at a Crest so they said to use it in sky high Colorado. I will. I will. You know, I'd like to talk about the different types of mindsets, but for me, I think like the two two major mindsets are the the growth mindset and the fixed mindset.

40:39 So people with a fixed mindset are find a difficult to achieve growth, right? Of course the the are not open minded, their minds are not open to the elements, the learnings that can help them to achieve growth. And of course we all know that growth is a painful process, right? So. Sometimes it's joyful as possible.

41:07 You know, there was a guest on my show who talked about pain, purpose and power. You know, in life we first experienced pain and of course the pain helps us to achieve, to discover our purpose. And once we discover our purpose, you know, we now have that joyful realisation of the power, you know, that exists, that within us.

41:27 Another guest, you know, once said adversity introduces a man to himself and the current UFC featherweight champion, Alexander Vulcanovski, having been defeated twice, you know, in his previous fights and it came back to to win the title, He said adversity is a privilege. And I very, very much resonate with that.

41:47 So are you able to share one powerful mindset shift that significantly changed your own life? Yeah, I guess I was sort of referring to that before, like when I was in my 20s, I didn't even realise how I was talking to myself. And once I realised, Oh my God. And then once I realised how I was just negatively talking to my friends about things in my life that weren't really that negative. I just, I thought that was how you bonded. And then I noticed that a lot of the girlfriends I had, they would call and they want to dump on me and talk about all their negative stuff.

42:22 And I thought this is ridiculous, this is not working and I just decided to change. And IA dear friend came into my life at that time and she was just an amazing woman. She had been through a bad marriage and I helped to get her divorce and we became really good friends and she just taught me so much. She was really, you know, like my first kind of mentor and I really learned, you know, kind of that law of attraction stuff. You know, what we focus on is what we create more of in our life.

42:51 And I'm like, wow, you know, I really need to change what I'm focusing on. I really need to change how I talk to myself. And then as I started playing with that, it wasn't like, you know, magic fury. Does it happen right away? I had to practise and practise and practise and practise and ask my close friends.

43:07 I said, if I start talking that old negative way, please remind me. And I found that when I was most asleep was sometimes when I was driving the car that blah, blah, blah stuff would come back again and that would be, and it'd take me a while to recognise that now I'm much quicker. That's like, no, we're not doing that anymore.

43:26 So I guess it was just a decision, you know, because I was like kind of mortified that what I was doing and that how that was, was affecting what I created for myself in my life more that negative stuff. It's just going to be like a practise makes permanent. You know, when we decide that I want to have a more positive mindset, I'm noticing I'm focusing on all this negative stuff and it's dragging me down again, the accountability buddy. And, and then having AI had a group of women that we met like, you know, once a week and there's like five of us and that really helped too.

43:58 So I don't know, I've talked around in circles about that, but that was a really big change and it took time. You know, it wasn't like to snap my fingers and it was different because I sort of dug myself in a hole with that. Time to see heals all wounds and of course, Speaking of time, we are almost at the end of the podcast.

44:19 We know you're a very busy woman and you have to run away pretty soon. But before you run away you know you can run but you can't hide like to push forward the the quick fire round questions to you 5 quick questions and of course you and give us a quick answers to these questions. Are you ready to rumble? I am ready to rumble.

44:45 Of course, you know, it looks like you were actually born ready. I see. And of course, Speaking of somebody in in Colorado, you know, their their lungs are always pumped and ready. So let's let's fire. OK, number one, Number one, what's the best book you've read recently? I reread it, it's called Illusions by Richard Bach.

45:09 Barry Richard Bach, do you strongly recommend it? I love Richard Bach, I love all of his books. He's probably best known for Jonathan, Jonathan Livingston Seagull. But they're very kind of metaphysical, good stories, easy to read and like, the more you read and the more you get out of them. And I just like it. I mean, I just, I find them fascinating. Interesting stuff.

45:34 So I might just art Richard Buck to my buck at least. OK, OK. So #2 #2 is A1 daily habit that contributes significantly to your happiness. I have a daily meditation practise, so I get up early about 5:30, and I just sit and quiet, you know, and focus on just allowing love to flood my bodies. And I feel like that really helps to start the day differently. I notice it that if I don't get up early and do that because I like getting up early because it's really quiet then and the world is not buzzing quite yet.

46:15 Some of my friends like to meditate late at night. They're more night owls, and that's when they do it. But yeah, that really helps me. OK #3 What's your favourite inspirational quote? Any disaster can become a blessing. Any blessing can become a disaster. And there's always a better way. Take a like that I love I love blessings and disguise.

46:41 So that's a disaster that can become a blessing. Interesting stuff #4 must have item in yourself care toolkit. Well, for me I guess, but most I must have is I really am one of these kind of people. I meet exercise, I need to move my body. So that's why I have a daily yoga practise that comes goes with breathing and moving your body and the beautiful sense of community I have with the people that at my yoga schools. So it's not like I would die if I didn't have it, but I really am grateful to have that in my life. Hey, and of course #5 and the final question, what's one word that describes the secrets to life violence? One word that describes the secret to work life balance and harmony would be the word just

47:31 came to me as openness. So if we're really open to receiving the light and love of the universe, we're really open to experiencing new things. We're really open to letting go of the old and what's not working for us. We're really open to be being aware and and learning and evolving and growing. It's a lot easier to experience that in our lives. And of course, Speaking of experiencing that in our lives, I would urge the audience to visit dual consultancy. And of course, I think you do have an offer of a complimentary mini soul reading is that is that? Correct, yes.

48:11 If you contact me and you mentioned Kingdoms, if you're in Europe, you'll have to e-mail me, youllhavethatintheprobablythenotesareitsarlene1@dualconsultancy.com. Or you can text me if you're in the US or Canada, 720-936-2634. I do Seoul readings. It's on my website. It'll be a mini Seoul reading.

48:32 I'll draw a card, You'll draw a card. We can be remote, that's not a big deal. And then I'll do a a nice little 10 minute reading for you. OK, so the website, what is the website so we can add that to the show notes and the description? Is below JEWEL consultancy dot. OK, there you go. And of course, guys, just check the description.

48:55 You'll see that in the show notes. Before you leave us, do you have anyone you want to give a shout out to you? And of course, do you have any last piece of advice for our audience? I don't know. I just give a shout out to my son. He seems really well in his life. And yeah, he's a really cool guy. He he's a chess champion and he facilitates chess sessions and chess tournaments and chess camps to to kids and so. Sounds great.

49:28 I just feel like I've never done that on a podcast before. I'll have to. Wow, very, very big shout out to him. He is playing cheques, he's playing chess, but you're playing checkers. And of course, you know, very. Just laugh at me that I never let him teach me how to do chess. I just. But I can't play checkers.

49:45 Yeah, you see, I, I told all lies. You know, I told all lies. He plays chess, you play checkers. And of course, Speaking of checkers, let us check on the audience to ensure that you're doing the right thing. Guys, please go, like, share, subscribe. And of course, you know, I will keep working tirelessly to bring in fantastic, tremendous, you know, wonderful individuals like Alan Cohen Miller.

50:12 Can you imagine how much work I had to do to climb, you know, the elevation, not get tired to to go get island. Come what island? Tell tell them something. Tell them, tell, tell them what they have. Yes, mountain there was in Colorado all the way up to I think 11,500 feet. It's it's, it's not easy.

50:33 So guys, please do the needful. And of course, you know, it's it's all love and respect from me And of course, many, Many thanks to Alan. You know, from the other side of the pond, love and respect to you. I always say an attitude of gratitude is good attitude. And of course, when somebody says their time with you, you're sharing that life with you. And of course, thank you for sharing your time and of course, your life with me and the audience day. And of course, guys, till I come your weekend to look out to yourselves, stay out of trouble and of course, keep doing the great work, share.

51:06 And of course, bye guys.