How I’d Look for a Wife in 2026 as a Muslim Man

0:00 [SPEAKER_00]: If I was 25 and 2026, I would not be looking for a wife the way that I see a lot of these young Muslim men looking for wives today. [SPEAKER_00]: after a decade of being an Imam and coaching Muslims to be the best versions of themselves, I'd save myself years of fitness, confusion and heartache, and I would have a solid game plan going through the right channels the right way to find the right woman.

0:23 [SPEAKER_00]: In this video, I'm going to share with you the ways that I would look for a Muslim wife, if I had to start all over again in 2026, Bismillah. [SPEAKER_00]: But before we enter into that, I want to talk about three things that most brothers do wrong the first time when looking for a wife.

0:38 [SPEAKER_00]: The first of them is that they let their emotions first and clarity later, and sometimes clarity is too late where the clarity comes out. [SPEAKER_00]: It's hard for them to make their decision because they're so emotionally involved. [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, there's vibes, but vibes have a shelf life.

0:54 [SPEAKER_00]: They have a point where you need to stop and get clarity on those things that will be detrimental to the marriage. [SPEAKER_00]: Number two is that they ignore the rich flags out of loneliness because they're lonely, they see the rich flags and they think that they could put the cape on in saver or save the relationship.

1:11 [SPEAKER_00]: So they ignore the rich flags because they are lonely, all their friends are married and they're not married. [SPEAKER_00]: So they guess they'll go with her and because of their emotions, [SPEAKER_00]: they go ahead and marry her only to discover and realize that they should have taken heat to those red flags.

1:26 [SPEAKER_00]: And thirdly, they let technology lead the process. [SPEAKER_00]: Brothers, the fact that you are in technology texting each other at the same table or in the same, you know, too far away from each other and not having the conversation in person that deprives you of a lot of communication skills and dealing with people.

1:45 [SPEAKER_00]: and the willy will see that. [SPEAKER_00]: So these three things should be aware of just you as a man in general, particularly when looking for a wife, speaking to her willy and eventually speaking to her as the leader of the family. [SPEAKER_00]: Step number one is I would fix myself before searching for anyone.

2:04 [SPEAKER_00]: This is important, that you will look at your salah, your sins, and your self-respect, your salah. [SPEAKER_00]: Are you praying five times a day? [SPEAKER_00]: Are you struggling to pray five times a day? [SPEAKER_00]: Because when you speak to the willy, he's going to want to know your track record.

2:17 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, it's said a lot, it's said a lot in the red pill space as well, is that women look at your future while men look at the past. [SPEAKER_00]: Men look for the women's past as women look for the man's future. [SPEAKER_00]: what is his potential for providing? [SPEAKER_00]: What does he have to provide?

2:31 [SPEAKER_00]: But the willee is going to look at both. [SPEAKER_00]: And this is partially the wisdom behind the willee being male because the willee is going to want to know your track record and your plans based on your character that he's seeing from your track record, the way the decisions that you made.

2:46 [SPEAKER_00]: So your Salah is definitely going to be one of them, man. [SPEAKER_00]: You have to try your best to be your best with the second pillar of Islam, which is your prayer [SPEAKER_00]: to make sure that you were on your prayer and you were diligent in that, believing that it's the most important thing.

3:00 [SPEAKER_00]: Your sins, is what I talk about having fun, to have your time alone, to ponder over your sins. [SPEAKER_00]: And within the Salat is the best time to ponder over your sins. [SPEAKER_00]: Rather, it was there for that reason. [SPEAKER_00]: It's legislated for that reason for you to separate and to ponder over the good.

3:16 [SPEAKER_00]: the bad and the ugly. [SPEAKER_00]: And self respect, I mean brothers, you have to respect yourself. [SPEAKER_00]: When you're going to marry a sister, it is not though you are begging for a hand in marriage. [SPEAKER_00]: No, I remember one time with sister, there was a good brother, but she couldn't find an inner self to respect him because she didn't see him as someone that was strong enough to lead her.

3:37 [SPEAKER_00]: What he thought was a level of humility, she saw what she saw that as weakness, because she saw he was afraid to talk about controversial issues. [SPEAKER_00]: He was afraid to say what he felt when she would ask him a question, do you prefer a housewife or a wife that works? [SPEAKER_00]: And he was stuttering by trying to say, yes, I prefer a housewife.

3:58 [SPEAKER_00]: When she saw that, she's like, if you can't even communicate, if you can't communicate because you're online too much, [SPEAKER_00]: Technology or you are afraid to say your opinion. [SPEAKER_00]: That means you have no integrity or you're not bold enough Or you're not don't have the confidence to mention your opinion She didn't continue with the brother, but the brothers are very good brother But I think when it came to self respect him Wanting to please people being a people pleaser and being someone that's afraid of expressing his opinion That's within the shading ah you can indirectly or directly lose respect from other people [SPEAKER_00]: Also, when it comes to fixing yourself, it's building the basic aspects of masculinity.

4:35 [SPEAKER_00]: So talking about the confidence, well, confidence comes with competence. [SPEAKER_00]: Are you getting out and doing things? [SPEAKER_00]: You're 25, you're early 20s, are you traveling around the world? [SPEAKER_00]: Do you have certain friends? [SPEAKER_00]: that you can talk to and confide in.

4:48 [SPEAKER_00]: Are you doing things and failing over and over again? [SPEAKER_00]: When you try that entrepreneurial endeavor as a side hustle, you have your nine to five. [SPEAKER_00]: You're not successful. [SPEAKER_00]: Are you let it hold you back in the beginning, but are you getting back up? [SPEAKER_00]: Because you're eventually going to have to do this as a husband.

5:03 [SPEAKER_00]: You may lose your job. [SPEAKER_00]: You're in software and you lose your job, there's mass layoffs. [SPEAKER_00]: How is she going to see you react, how are you going to respond, adapt, to ability. [SPEAKER_00]: These things you need to work on and the best way to work on them, the best way is to have an idea and implement that idea and try to help people with that idea on entrepreneurship.

5:24 [SPEAKER_00]: or if you're working, entrepreneurship, you're working for someone, or you're just an employee that you are giving it your best, you're trying new things, you go in, trying that things scared, not knowing if it's going to work, but you push through anyway. [SPEAKER_00]: These things help your masculinity.

5:40 [SPEAKER_00]: Also, [SPEAKER_00]: some type of physical exertion outside of the gym, getting in some kind of combat sport that physical exertion failing over and over and over again only presents opportunities to learn over and over and over and over again. [SPEAKER_00]: Learn what you may ask. [SPEAKER_00]: Well that's a very good question.

6:00 [SPEAKER_00]: Learn more about yourself. [SPEAKER_00]: Learn more about Allah. [SPEAKER_00]: this is what will make you a better man because it will tie back into your purpose in life. [SPEAKER_00]: So that step number one is fixing yourself before you find her. [SPEAKER_00]: Number two is decide you're non-negotiables like it's a contract.

6:16 [SPEAKER_00]: As we mentioned earlier, you know, clarity over emotions. [SPEAKER_00]: You don't let the vibes continue on to where you talk to her alone and then, you know, the clarity comes out on certain things and your heart broken. [SPEAKER_00]: right well we don't even want to present that opportunity of possibly being heartbroken before you have tied the knot so it's knowing you're not negotiables your dean alignment because within masterman we talk about that there's religion [SPEAKER_00]: That's the first thing in there's alignment, your personality, what are her plans in life?

6:45 [SPEAKER_00]: Does she want, does she like to travel? [SPEAKER_00]: Does she want to leave her city with her family? [SPEAKER_00]: Does she say a woman is with her husband? [SPEAKER_00]: What are the non-negotiables for you? [SPEAKER_00]: For instance, do you want to marry a woman that has a big family?

6:59 [SPEAKER_00]: Because she may understand the nuances of family. [SPEAKER_00]: These are types of things you want to know as non-negotiables. [SPEAKER_00]: Is she someone that has a short temper? [SPEAKER_00]: And you're someone that has a short temper as well. [SPEAKER_00]: And you know that may not work, right?

7:12 [SPEAKER_00]: Are you someone that is very, [SPEAKER_00]: very easy going if someone does you wrong. [SPEAKER_00]: And the one that has a short temper, she may think that you're not a man because she's not patient with the way that you do with things. [SPEAKER_00]: You need to have your non-negotiables in regards to women.

7:26 [SPEAKER_00]: If you don't know, look at your close relatives and see what they would say about you. [SPEAKER_00]: You could ask them, what kind of woman do you think is compatible for me? [SPEAKER_00]: Aligns with what you see from my values and the way that I've come up, the things that I like. [SPEAKER_00]: The first of them to ask is your mother.

7:42 [SPEAKER_00]: your mother and your auntie because your auntie will see it from a different distant angle angle as well. [SPEAKER_00]: Um, these character traits that you refuse to tolerate is she's someone that's very, very vocal. [SPEAKER_00]: So for example, she may love to go out. [SPEAKER_00]: I always use this example.

7:56 [SPEAKER_00]: She may love to go out to protests. [SPEAKER_00]: It's not to say the sister that go out to protests are not chased initially. [SPEAKER_00]: Although there are a lot of chased in sisters that go out there and they acted in unchased way, but not to rule out all of them. [SPEAKER_00]: So you may be someone, [SPEAKER_00]: that likes a sister that is outspoken, she speaks about, you know, aim justice.

8:14 [SPEAKER_00]: You don't have a problem with her being on camera, for example, having own YouTube channel, et cetera, et cetera, but you lay certain parameters within that. [SPEAKER_00]: Certain brothers don't want that. [SPEAKER_00]: You use someone that doesn't want that. [SPEAKER_00]: You don't want your wife in front of a camera at all.

8:26 [SPEAKER_00]: You see, these types of things, you need to know you're not negotiable. [SPEAKER_00]: To where as soon as you see it, you willfully, respectfully honorably, say, [SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna go ahead and I'll pass and shall I respect the I respect your time and give me the opportunity to speak to you But I don't think I'm the right candidate.

8:45 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't think I'm the right brother, right when they see you do that in an honorable way with confidence They may second second, you know think think twice about What it is that thing that you won't budge on so it's very important to know your non negotiables as a man [SPEAKER_00]: and treat it like it's a contract because it's a very serious matter.

9:04 [SPEAKER_00]: Step three, after I worked on myself, I know my non-negotiables. [SPEAKER_00]: Where would I actually look? [SPEAKER_00]: This is a great question. [SPEAKER_00]: I would first look, okay. [SPEAKER_00]: So I think we can all agree as Muslim men, we want a good Muslim woman, or we want a woman that has character.

9:21 [SPEAKER_00]: Someone that has the type of character that we already know from what we've talked about. [SPEAKER_00]: There's universal, [SPEAKER_00]: characteristics, you know, loyalty, softness, hopefully, generally, right? [SPEAKER_00]: Femininity, it's very feminine. [SPEAKER_00]: These types of things that I think are universal with all men, right?

9:39 [SPEAKER_00]: But some of the things that I mentioned earlier could be nispy, could be contingent upon what your personality, you know, that could connect with you and attract you. [SPEAKER_00]: I would look in the places of knowledge and the places of Islamic spaces, Islamic spaces. [SPEAKER_00]: So your local mass trade classes, conferences, these are places that I would consider [SPEAKER_00]: Looking for a potential wife if I wanted to look for one, you know, so for example, if you're in the mastjid, you know, you're a local mastjid, right there there are many sisters there So it's a matter of if you're in that mastjid and you happen to see her, you could appropriately speak to the EMM you could speak to her father, you know, when speaking to people about assisted that you're interested in their tears

10:24 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, it's speaking to the Imam or speaking to her father or speaking to her friends husband, right, you know, it's best to speak to a male guardian that you can get to her in that regard. [SPEAKER_00]: And that's whether it's the masjid or classes or conferences. [SPEAKER_00]: But places that you frequent Islamic spaces that you frequent is possibly the best place.

10:45 [SPEAKER_00]: So a masjid is good. [SPEAKER_00]: She may pray, but she may not be inclined to a Islamic knowledge. [SPEAKER_00]: And you're not negotiable is that I do not want a sister that does not know the basics of Islam. [SPEAKER_00]: Fair enough, or I only want a sister that is studying Islam. [SPEAKER_00]: There's a difference.

11:00 [SPEAKER_00]: Someone may know the basics of Islam, but she's not a voluntary student of knowledge. [SPEAKER_00]: She doesn't want to go and it's to an Islamic institute. [SPEAKER_00]: If you say I'm going to go travel to Al-Madina or I'm going to go to our man or I'm going to somewhere to study Islam, she's not really interested.

11:12 [SPEAKER_00]: You're not negotiable is that I do not want a sister that's like that. [SPEAKER_00]: I want a sister that wants to learn [SPEAKER_00]: the religion of Islam to teach it to other sisters, to become an Ailema, a scholar, and Shala, right? [SPEAKER_00]: So the masjid is may not be enough for you.

11:28 [SPEAKER_00]: It's definitely a place where you can see, but you have to sift out to see which one is that particular demographic. [SPEAKER_00]: Now, if the masjid has classes, if there are classes, that's what places you primarily would want to look, right? [SPEAKER_00]: Conferences is a lower level than classes, right?

11:45 [SPEAKER_00]: Conferences, she may go with her family, [SPEAKER_00]: She may go by herself if she's a little older, you know, especially if it's the vacation time museum and conferences are chances are she's probably with her family or she may go with a friend. [SPEAKER_00]: These are places that you could potentially look.

11:59 [SPEAKER_00]: the Islamic spaces. [SPEAKER_00]: Outside of that, places of education and places of morality and places that do not express degeneracy, right? [SPEAKER_00]: Places where there's music and dancing obviously, Muslim shouldn't even be there anyway, but you wouldn't initial look there. [SPEAKER_00]: Guys, I wouldn't say the gym.

12:16 [SPEAKER_00]: I wouldn't say that's a place you want to look. [SPEAKER_00]: for a Muslim sister, not to say, it shouldn't be your first place, but if you're there and then there's a place that you frequent and you see a Muslim sister there and she's dressed appropriately and you converse every now and then you may find out that she may have maybe maybe has a good character speaking to one of her friends about her to be a way that you can find out as well.

12:40 [SPEAKER_00]: Trusting online platforms, you know, uh, [SPEAKER_00]: I will go to the trusted online platforms, the apps that have the guidelines. [SPEAKER_00]: We have another video talking about certain the guidelines and regards to the apps that the app does not allow you to speak to her indefinitely, but it creates a mechanism to where you're able to find out that which is universally accepted for you to know about her preliminarily to move on to the next step appropriately.

13:05 [SPEAKER_00]: We have a video concerning that on the online platforms. [SPEAKER_00]: The e-mams and the matchmakers, these places where matchmaking ceremonies, these places are pretty, I possibly look there, but the more organic, the better, in my humble opinion, but I do get it, it's rough out in these streets, so I totally get it, you know, you're a doctor, and you don't have that kind of time, but there are matchroom on those services under Islamic organizations.

13:30 [SPEAKER_00]: I would say try them out. [SPEAKER_00]: It makes the effort to maintain the utmost chastity of the sister. [SPEAKER_00]: There's not too much information that you need to know about her that can open the door to emotions. [SPEAKER_00]: This is the point. [SPEAKER_00]: We don't want it to happen to her.

13:46 [SPEAKER_00]: You converse to her to her, it opens her emotions. [SPEAKER_00]: The door to her emotions and her vulnerability to you. [SPEAKER_00]: You know, we need to know the static things. [SPEAKER_00]: We need to know, be clear on certain things before the emotional door is even entertained. [SPEAKER_00]: So what are her plans to the future?

14:01 [SPEAKER_00]: What does she think about raising children? [SPEAKER_00]: What kind of husband does she want when she gets angry? [SPEAKER_00]: What the places that are purposeful and creating that type of setting and allows it for a limited time to where you can converse with the sister in that regard.

14:17 [SPEAKER_00]: So I look in Islamic spaces, Islamic spaces of knowledge, [SPEAKER_00]: The conferences are fine as well. [SPEAKER_00]: The online platforms are have the guidelines and I speak to the friends The e-mums that can facilitate that that are in these spaces as well. [SPEAKER_00]: Step number four exactly how I would approach This is a great question.

14:39 [SPEAKER_00]: So me myself again. [SPEAKER_00]: There are tears that I firmly believe are the best way of going about it. [SPEAKER_00]: Now if you're able to Go direct the best way [SPEAKER_00]: is to go directly in person to the woolly. [SPEAKER_00]: You see this sister, you see her at a conference.

14:57 [SPEAKER_00]: It's the first day of the conference, right? [SPEAKER_00]: A three-day conference, first day of the conference, you see the sister, and you see her with another sister. [SPEAKER_00]: You can ask the other sister, or if there's a brother that may know her, or her father is with her, you go directly to the woolly, you go directly to him.

15:15 [SPEAKER_00]: If the woolly is not available, [SPEAKER_00]: you go to her brother if her brother is walking with her, for example, the conference. [SPEAKER_00]: If it's the last day of the conference and there's no one that you can see, that you, if not found that anyone that knows her, then you can go to her directly.

15:30 [SPEAKER_00]: But it's go to her willy, a relative, a male relative of hers being the willy son, her brother. [SPEAKER_00]: then or her uncle. [SPEAKER_00]: If you can't do that, go to a family friend, right? [SPEAKER_00]: Her friend's husband speak to him. [SPEAKER_00]: If you can't do that, then you can speak directly to her in Shala.

15:51 [SPEAKER_00]: So what you would say to the Wally for example? [SPEAKER_00]: is, you'd see MC Sonalek or Mitsubi Katu, my name was Abdullah Ojo. [SPEAKER_00]: I know you don't know me. [SPEAKER_00]: I know this is a conference. [SPEAKER_00]: I'm from this city, I'm from this state. [SPEAKER_00]: I would like to entertain the opportunity to get to know your daughter for marriage.

16:08 [SPEAKER_00]: Straight like that straightforward, get straight to the point, be very clear, be very very clear. [SPEAKER_00]: Now, if you stutter in the situation, it's totally fine, it's natural, your nervous, and it's actually a beautiful, honorable thing, because it shows that you're taking that risk.

16:23 [SPEAKER_00]: Though, Ali, the, you'll be surprised, brothers, you will be surprised that the Ali will be generally, he may seem hard, and he has the right to, because he's the father, but he's going to respect the fact that you came directly to him. [SPEAKER_00]: That was the situation that Willie asked her brother.

16:40 [SPEAKER_00]: Have you talked to my, do you, so you talked or was like, no, no, I haven't talked to her. [SPEAKER_00]: He's like, you haven't talked to my daughter? [SPEAKER_00]: And he didn't mean to test them, but he's like, you haven't talked to her before? [SPEAKER_00]: He said, no, no, no, I don't even know her.

16:48 [SPEAKER_00]: I just seen her around and I asked about her. [SPEAKER_00]: And they told me you were her father, so I came directly to you. [SPEAKER_00]: Well, live brothers, look directly at me, man. [SPEAKER_00]: He will respect that so much, even if it doesn't turn out the right way. [SPEAKER_00]: That doesn't mean that he may know someone else.

17:04 [SPEAKER_00]: That doesn't mean that he may have a younger daughter [SPEAKER_00]: that he may think is more suitable for your personality. [SPEAKER_00]: Do this, brothers, I promise you, this is the most honorable way and you will be respected in a Yomantyama from that particular man who may have a network of people.

17:21 [SPEAKER_00]: You don't know. [SPEAKER_00]: So if that's the first thing I would just go straight to him, introduce yourself, make introduce yourself where you're from, acknowledge that he may not know you, and then get straight to it. [SPEAKER_00]: I'm interested in entertaining the opportunity to know your daughter, getting to know.

17:38 [SPEAKER_00]: for what purpose marriage. [SPEAKER_00]: Don't be afraid to say the word marriage. [SPEAKER_00]: Don't be afraid to say it entertaining the opportunity to get to know. [SPEAKER_00]: I like to get to know, get to know marriage. [SPEAKER_00]: Get to know marriage, right? [SPEAKER_00]: This is important when you speak to the willy.

17:52 [SPEAKER_00]: I would never DM a sister. [SPEAKER_00]: It depends. [SPEAKER_00]: Now, if [SPEAKER_00]: You have something online and she DMs you, and she says she asks a very neutral question, is there a way that, do you have classes or do you have courses on this? [SPEAKER_00]: Or I tried to look at the course, and then you see that this sister, she's visually appealing to you.

18:18 [SPEAKER_00]: You see that Lucon or social media, and she does something very honorable, something like, [SPEAKER_00]: goes along with you're not negotiables right she's into arts and crafts or she teaches young children or whatever it is It's you like you see while she's a nurture or she's very much into art.

18:33 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm into art. [SPEAKER_00]: She loves to travel I'm a no man, you know these types of things you can deem her say and say salonicum I know this may be awkward but I like to talk to your wily [SPEAKER_00]: I'd like to speak to your willie and possibly look into marriage. [SPEAKER_00]: What do you think about that?

18:49 [SPEAKER_00]: Straight to the point. [SPEAKER_00]: Straight to the point. [SPEAKER_00]: If she doesn't respond and they say, leave you on red, it's totally fine. [SPEAKER_00]: Brothers, taking the risk is what makes you a man. [SPEAKER_00]: Let's just stop right here. [SPEAKER_00]: You have to take that risk.

19:03 [SPEAKER_00]: You have to shoot your shot. [SPEAKER_00]: How loud shot, right? [SPEAKER_00]: She will respect that. [SPEAKER_00]: That shows confidence. [SPEAKER_00]: Number one, number two, don't think because she softly or directly refused you that there's not an opportunity months down the line. [SPEAKER_00]: She may refuse you for a reason that's beyond you.

19:23 [SPEAKER_00]: She may be attracted to you. [SPEAKER_00]: but she refused you because of something else and she felt that she doesn't have to disclose it to you because she doesn't know you. [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe a family issue, right? [SPEAKER_00]: So get straight to the point, ask to speak to her willy, let her know you're interested and marriage.

19:38 [SPEAKER_00]: That's the only time I do a DM, it probably won't message two messages and that's it to move to the in person. [SPEAKER_00]: The more you do the DMs, the more it can turn into Haram and then she'll eventually can lose respect for you in that regard. [SPEAKER_00]: the way you would handle the awkwardness and rejection.

19:54 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, if you're speaking to the willy, it's probably the most awkward, right? [SPEAKER_00]: You're nervous, and you talk to him, and he's asked you questions right, right? [SPEAKER_00]: Then and there, how do you know my daughter? [SPEAKER_00]: She had, I don't know her. [SPEAKER_00]: I've never spoken to her before, right?

20:09 [SPEAKER_00]: If you ask you how much do you make? [SPEAKER_00]: She had, I'd really like to discuss it with you, we could sit down and talk about that. [SPEAKER_00]: That's what I really like to do. [SPEAKER_00]: Depending on the situation, he has the right to ask you that. [SPEAKER_00]: You can disclose to him right there, and he can interview you right there.

20:23 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, some of the, I've seen that before, whether it will be interviews you right there, because he wants to check your temperature. [SPEAKER_00]: He wants to see if you are that guy that's even eligible to be with his daughter. [SPEAKER_00]: Now, some may lead with the pocketbook. [SPEAKER_00]: You tell them, but you, you, approach it as though you're interviewing him as well.

20:41 [SPEAKER_00]: So for example, he asked you how much you make. [SPEAKER_00]: I make around $70,000 a year. [SPEAKER_00]: but I've been working as an engineer for two years or I've started my own business and I've had it for three years or I'm currently working at a construction company or I work, you know, I deliver, you know, I have my own career business wherever it is and I plan to, I plan to, he sees potential of you planning to, right?

21:04 [SPEAKER_00]: And you can ask him, so where are you all initially from? [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, okay, so do you think your daughter's ready for marriage? [SPEAKER_00]: Right, these kinds of questions you could ask him. [SPEAKER_00]: You're interviewing him about the family. [SPEAKER_00]: Right, and she the oldest daughter, youngest daughter, you know, these types of questions.

21:22 [SPEAKER_00]: He sees you're asking questions that are very pertinent to the relationship. [SPEAKER_00]: So this is how I approach it. [SPEAKER_00]: Awkwardness is normal embrace the awkward moments and embrace the silence until you want to ask a [SPEAKER_00]: Step number five. [SPEAKER_00]: How I would vet her.

21:42 [SPEAKER_00]: The questions you want to ask are questions about patterns. [SPEAKER_00]: You want to ask questions about character. [SPEAKER_00]: So when we ask questions about patterns, it's about things about her family, her occupation, you know, her dreams. [SPEAKER_00]: What does she want to do in life?

21:59 [SPEAKER_00]: So for instance, you ask her. [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm many family members that you have. [SPEAKER_00]: Well, you have four brothers, who's your favorite brother and why? [SPEAKER_00]: It's kind of a humorous question, but it's a serious question because you're indirectly trying to find out what male characteristics is she attracted to.

22:15 [SPEAKER_00]: The reason you're trying to find that out is not for you to change. [SPEAKER_00]: Not for you to say, oh, she likes her, her second brother because he's the most aggressive, and he gets straight to the point. [SPEAKER_00]: But I'm a sophomore, I'm kind of, I kind of beat her on the bush, but I get to the point.

22:30 [SPEAKER_00]: I guess I need to be, no, stop right there. [SPEAKER_00]: You don't need to be nothing. [SPEAKER_00]: You don't need to be anything. [SPEAKER_00]: That's not a weak characteristic that you don't immediately address it, but you get to the point immediately, depending on how you do it. [SPEAKER_00]: But that's just, you ask her question and she answered it, right?

22:45 [SPEAKER_00]: You ask her about her occupation. [SPEAKER_00]: with career. [SPEAKER_00]: When I say the work career or comes to your mind, do you plan to work full-time? [SPEAKER_00]: What are issues about the children? [SPEAKER_00]: Do you plan to raise the children in work part-time? [SPEAKER_00]: Or do you want to fully work at home?

23:01 [SPEAKER_00]: And you expect your husband to take care of all the bills, etc. [SPEAKER_00]: These kinds of questions that are pertinent to the future of the relationship. [SPEAKER_00]: When you get angry, [SPEAKER_00]: Not if, but when you get angry, how do you respond? [SPEAKER_00]: Give me a story of when you were angry and what you did.

23:21 [SPEAKER_00]: Give me a story of when you're angry and what you regret it, right? [SPEAKER_00]: If you go to a pub, now these are the kinds of questions you want to ask. [SPEAKER_00]: Questions of characters, scenarios, create scenarios, and she has to respond, what she thinks of a husband, what is a good family look like to you, a family built on mercy and love, look like to you, 10 years after marriage.

23:45 [SPEAKER_00]: see your answer is within her answer children and you some you're somebody that wants children she doesn't mention children she mentions I just want to travel everywhere with my husband and that's it right you know or I really want to establish a business in cosmetics and I want to make I want to establish the biggest biggest cosmetic company right [SPEAKER_00]: Do you want children?

24:10 [SPEAKER_00]: Not really. [SPEAKER_00]: I want to establish this business first before I even think about children, right? [SPEAKER_00]: So these are things that will help you. [SPEAKER_00]: So you're asking questions about our future, her family, her occupation, her dreams, right? [SPEAKER_00]: These things.

24:24 [SPEAKER_00]: Watching her responses, when you are at a restaurant with her and her family, or when you, oh, this is a good one. [SPEAKER_00]: This is a really good one. [SPEAKER_00]: Especially if she has a younger brother, that's like a Michelle, that likes to cause trouble, and you visiting the house, how does she [SPEAKER_00]: that she screamed at him, that she hid him, right?

24:41 [SPEAKER_00]: He may be someone that bugs her, her older brother. [SPEAKER_00]: How does she respond to him? [SPEAKER_00]: You know, how does she react to him when he says when he walks in? [SPEAKER_00]: How does he greet her? [SPEAKER_00]: Is he like, is he like, turn the light off or just some funny stuff to just make to bug her?

24:57 [SPEAKER_00]: How does she respond to that? [SPEAKER_00]: And you see these videos with a brother's bugging the sister and the sister just standing there until he does something, right? [SPEAKER_00]: How does she respond to that treatment of another male? [SPEAKER_00]: Most importantly, you see how she responds to her father.

25:11 [SPEAKER_00]: right because these are the these are the males that are in her life and what she knows of men. [SPEAKER_00]: How does she respond to your answers? [SPEAKER_00]: So there's for example um you ask a question. [SPEAKER_00]: If I was to say to you you know um your maternity leave is only two weeks but I prefer that you would stay for at least the first year and work part time.

25:34 [SPEAKER_00]: What would you think of that? [SPEAKER_00]: And as she says um [SPEAKER_00]: I would prefer to work after 40 days because the work that I do, I really like it. [SPEAKER_00]: So if you think it's best, then I would stay, but I prefer to work after that. [SPEAKER_00]: She says I would prefer, but if you think it's best, I'll listen and I'll obey that, right?

25:59 [SPEAKER_00]: As opposed to, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to work, I'm gonna have my child, and I'm gonna work, my child will be okay. [SPEAKER_00]: Right? [SPEAKER_00]: So you watch your responses or facial expressions, you know, if you say, if you use certain words that are triggering to test her, right?

26:19 [SPEAKER_00]: You use certain words that are triggering to how does she respond? [SPEAKER_00]: Right? [SPEAKER_00]: What do you think of the term housewife, for example? [SPEAKER_00]: What do you think of the term of the husband being the protector and the ultimate protector, the initial protector? [SPEAKER_00]: Right?

26:32 [SPEAKER_00]: Housewife? [SPEAKER_00]: No. [SPEAKER_00]: Never. [SPEAKER_00]: I say, that's one response. [SPEAKER_00]: That could be concerning to or not be concerning to you, right? [SPEAKER_00]: Or there's, I don't see anything wrong with being a housewife. [SPEAKER_00]: I actually want to be one.

26:45 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to work when I have children because the children are the most important thing to me. [SPEAKER_00]: You see the responses with these types of answers. [SPEAKER_00]: If there's the shrugging of the face, like something is yucky and it's something that you value, and something you need to take into.

26:59 [SPEAKER_00]: consideration. [SPEAKER_00]: So look at the responses to how she responds to treatment from people and the responses to your questions that you hold dearly. [SPEAKER_00]: Facial expressions, voice intonation, gestures, primarily these things, right? [SPEAKER_00]: Checking with people that actually know her.

27:15 [SPEAKER_00]: So her non-Muslim neighbors, you can ask them about the family, right? [SPEAKER_00]: People at school, the college she went, if she [SPEAKER_00]: right? [SPEAKER_00]: You can ask other other people in the message. [SPEAKER_00]: So you're going to create that message. [SPEAKER_00]: And you may know a brother there.

27:34 [SPEAKER_00]: You have the brother talk to an older gentleman that knows the family to ask about them. [SPEAKER_00]: These are the ways you can be responsible. [SPEAKER_00]: And that's the way that I would approach everything that I told you. [SPEAKER_00]: This is how I would potentially I've actually done some of these things.

27:48 [SPEAKER_00]: This is how I'll potentially do it. [SPEAKER_00]: And lastly, step number six is pulling the trigger into welcome. [SPEAKER_00]: The whole purpose of having non-negotiables is for you to know, okay, once these boxes are checked off, let's move to the next phase, right? [SPEAKER_00]: Let's move to the next phase of looking at logistics.

28:06 [SPEAKER_00]: Usually, if you agree and you check everything off, then you tell the Willie. [SPEAKER_00]: I'm ready to move forward. [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, Michelle, I think, Michelle, I'm ready to move forward. [SPEAKER_00]: I was pleased with what I heard and what I saw, so I'm ready to move forward. [SPEAKER_00]: He tells you, yeah, she's ready to move forward as well, right?

28:22 [SPEAKER_00]: Now you talk about the logistics. [SPEAKER_00]: Now you talk about the culture, and this is where I can get very difficult, is where you have to be bold. [SPEAKER_00]: But you trust in a lot of Sahana with Dada by taking the S-Bab, taking the means, the means is everything that we talked about.

28:39 [SPEAKER_00]: Those are taking the means in order to get married. [SPEAKER_00]: But I would say ultimately knowing that which you will not budge on in your non-negotiables, you know. [SPEAKER_00]: Realizing the red flags, yellow flags and the green flags and then moving forward once the green flags and the non-negotiables are checked off in Shallahu Taila May Allah Spontala make it easy on your brothers, I understand with the online structure it can be very challenging, distracting, demotivating at times, but I know your brothers will pull through because Allah Spontala has given you this faith in him to trust in him and to move forward [SPEAKER_00]: If you're thinking, I need this process, but I don't know where to start.

29:21 [SPEAKER_00]: That's exactly why I built this program. [SPEAKER_00]: Hit the link in the description, read the page, and if it resonates, fill out the form. [SPEAKER_00]: We can further see if you're a good fit in shallow. [SPEAKER_00]: Until then, make do-ah, take action, and go in the process of being the kind of man that you would allow your little sister to marry.

29:37 [SPEAKER_00]: See you soon.