Why Quoting Quran At Your Wife Backfires

0:02 [SPEAKER_00]: It's 10 o'clock at night. [SPEAKER_00]: You're sitting with your wife and she's telling you well, rather, she's complaining about her sister. [SPEAKER_00]: She's telling her how what her sister said and what she did and what she didn't do and her particular feelings and the whole thing, she's just going through her emotional roller coaster and telling you about it.

0:19 [SPEAKER_00]: You listen for about two minutes and then you start to solve the problem and maybe you'll mention the verse and you know you mentioned it I don't know why this is such a problem or you know she needs to do this you mentioned the verse of a lost one daughter you mentioned the hideease the process and let me try to solve the problem because you don't want to hear it go on about it but you don't realize is that now she's upset with you my friend because the room went quiet she saw that you may have been dismissive or you [SPEAKER_00]: Now, she's upset with you and you don't realize what just happened.

0:54 [SPEAKER_00]: Now, if you're married, you live this version more than once. [SPEAKER_00]: You walked out of the room more confused than you were before you came in and you don't even have an idea of exactly why. [SPEAKER_00]: All you know is if you were asked, it's just complicated. [SPEAKER_00]: Now, I've seen this happen with men, husbands, numerous times.

1:12 [SPEAKER_00]: And some of the problem is that the husband stopped trying to understand this years ago. [SPEAKER_00]: The Prophet ﷺ is educated us about women in exactly how to treat them and how to appropriately deal with each other. [SPEAKER_00]: And Allah ﷺ has also educated us about their mentality and how they are different than us.

1:32 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's important to know that [SPEAKER_00]: When you're going to see in these three particular points, how we keep missing the points with our wives and how this can be detrimental to our marriages. [SPEAKER_00]: So we're going to cover the three things you need to consider when you decide to use that verse, use a hardie to get your point across and the results of that can be something that are grim, things that you do not want, your kids to see and things that you don't want to happen for your marriage.

1:59 [SPEAKER_00]: Brother, listen. [SPEAKER_00]: The fact that you reached for the Qur'an or the Hadith of the Prophet ﷺ, this says something good about you. [SPEAKER_00]: You could have reached for an insult or a facial expression that could be condescending and be full of contempt. [SPEAKER_00]: But rather, you reached for what Allah said.

2:16 [SPEAKER_00]: your instinct was to reach for what a law said to bring some form of correction or maybe not. [SPEAKER_00]: And that is where the problem lies. [SPEAKER_00]: If you use the Quran as a weaponization tool, use it as a weapon to protect your ego or to show that you are right. [SPEAKER_00]: It's about the spirit of how you do things.

2:35 [SPEAKER_00]: So the problem is really timing and temperature. [SPEAKER_00]: The timing you chose to use it when it was already sacking, when it was already hot, when it was already blood pressure is rising and temperature is rising. [SPEAKER_00]: The timing that you're choosing to do it isn't correct.

2:50 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's where you have to look at your intention and see am I using this just to prove my point and to prove that I'm right? [SPEAKER_00]: Am I using this to get to a resolution? [SPEAKER_00]: How am I saying it to this al-Ariir, this gentle vessel? [SPEAKER_00]: This is what is important, and this is where the problem lies.

3:07 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not in the verse itself. [SPEAKER_00]: I'll also find out what the al-Ari says in the Quran. [SPEAKER_00]: When you're not Zilumi, then the Qurani, Mahu wa shi fa'un wa rahmat. [SPEAKER_00]: a loss of pineal what the artist says, and we sent from the Quran, that which is a cure and a mercy for the believers.

3:27 [SPEAKER_00]: cure and mercy. [SPEAKER_00]: Mahu wa shi fa'un, wa rahmatun, lilmu minin. [SPEAKER_00]: What's beautiful about this verse, is that a lot of supinal without us is that we have sent it down for a reason, for numerous reasons. [SPEAKER_00]: But first thing, it is a cure. [SPEAKER_00]: Min al Qurani, some scholar was say the whole Quran and someone say Min al Quran from the Quran, because that could be contingent upon the particular situation.

3:53 [SPEAKER_00]: So, what we've sent down from the Quran or sending down the Quran, Maho as a cure, as a cure and a mercy. [SPEAKER_00]: So if you are bringing this as a healing and a mercy, weaponizing the verses using them to prove your point, that's a fulfill one of these two, are you being merciful in the way that you're speaking in order to cause some closure or healing?

4:20 [SPEAKER_00]: for a problem that is arising between you and your wife. [SPEAKER_00]: It's the spirit in how you use it and in the mental, biny act. [SPEAKER_00]: Actually, actions are judged by their intention. [SPEAKER_00]: A quick reminder, if you're a professional Muslim man that's feeling kind of stuck in your life, I'm hosting a free life class on Identity, Self-Controlling Leadership.

4:40 [SPEAKER_00]: I'll explain it later. [SPEAKER_00]: Let's watch the rest of the video and I'll talk to you soon. [SPEAKER_00]: The reason number one that this may not be a good idea is because you can be a means to making the Quran her opponent temporarily at the time of anger or emotional turmoil. [SPEAKER_00]: And a close heart is not anyone that will receive the verses of Al-Lasi Pranat with Dada.

4:59 [SPEAKER_00]: The heart that is close because of the heightened emotions, the heightened cortisol, the blood pressure over a hundred beats per minute. [SPEAKER_00]: They're neurologically not ready to receive these verses that you're about to mention to them because as before, are you doing it with Rahma?

5:15 [SPEAKER_00]: Are you doing it as a cure and as a means of reaching a result that both of you can come out and have some type of resolution, result, resolution and not just reacting to defend yourself or reacting to show something that you know that she does not. [SPEAKER_00]: I'll also find out what Dallas has in the Quran, [SPEAKER_00]: After all, we will be in the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the name of Allah, the

5:59 [SPEAKER_00]: but the way that you're delivering the message could cause them to you enough fetal could cause them to run away to scatter. [SPEAKER_00]: Not to want to listen to whatever you have to say, regardless of what you say. [SPEAKER_00]: Allah SWT says, and if you were to be patient with them, for me I'm not meant to mean Allah He lent to them.

6:22 [SPEAKER_00]: So, by the mercy of Allah, if you were lenient with them, lent to them to be lenient with them, then he mentions the opposite. [SPEAKER_00]: Because if you had been rude, or hard-hearted, they would scatter away from you, rude, full of one. [SPEAKER_00]: Hard-hearted, rally of al-Qalbi.

6:41 [SPEAKER_00]: Lentful movement, they would have scattered away from you. [SPEAKER_00]: When the man enters the house and they go into their rooms, he enters the house, sits down the living room, and they all scatter to their rooms. [SPEAKER_00]: Because you're someone that may be rude to them. [SPEAKER_00]: You may look at them with the wajjabu's.

6:57 [SPEAKER_00]: with the face of anger, a face of disgust, a face of belittlement, a face of disenchantment, a face of disappointment. [SPEAKER_00]: They're not going to want to listen to you. [SPEAKER_00]: When you're arguing with your wife, you're having a dispute or disagreement with her. [SPEAKER_00]: And you look at it with a rude face like, who are you?

7:13 [SPEAKER_00]: You look at, you look down upon her. [SPEAKER_00]: There's a level of content that is there. [SPEAKER_00]: the moral superiority that you may portray to her when you speak to her because you're saying that you don't know what you're talking about. [SPEAKER_00]: You're not raising your voice, but the way that you're saying it is belittling her, as though you are above her in every situation.

7:33 [SPEAKER_00]: And then last one says, Raleeva al-Kalbi, Raleeva, you're hard-hearted. [SPEAKER_00]: You have no compassion, you're not showing any mercy. [SPEAKER_00]: You're not listening to what she has to say, or you're going to say, you just say, get over it. [SPEAKER_00]: Hard-hearted, they would scatter from you.

7:51 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's one very important fact that studies show as we mentioned all the time that contempt. [SPEAKER_00]: the moral authority, the moral superiority of you, not raising your voice, but raising your elevation by yourself. [SPEAKER_00]: She doesn't even elevate you, but you're raising your elevation because you think that mentioning the verse of Allah Subhanu Adala is make it make you better in this disagreement and you have leverage and that is not Rahma and that is not a means of healing.

8:23 [SPEAKER_00]: right, so it's important to understand that the way you deliver the message does matter. [SPEAKER_00]: And those of you that are married, do exactly what I'm talking about. [SPEAKER_00]: So don't use the verse to get a one-up or to get leverage. [SPEAKER_00]: It's actually going to have the opposite effect because as was mentioned before, when they are in the fighter flight mode and they're very emotional.

8:42 [SPEAKER_00]: In the middle of that, in the peak of this term one between you and her, [SPEAKER_00]: don't mention the verse thinking that it's going to calm it down. [SPEAKER_00]: Now it may, but it's the way that you say it. [SPEAKER_00]: And if you say something like, for instance, she tells you, you know, you've been absent in this house for three weeks, four weeks.

9:00 [SPEAKER_00]: We don't even talk to you, right? [SPEAKER_00]: And you turn it to, and you say, well, I should hold in a bit of my roof, SubhanAllah, and he live with people in goodness, in goodness. [SPEAKER_00]: And then you say, you know, as a matter of fact, Arari Jalukawa Munal and Isa. [SPEAKER_00]: that men are the protectors and providers for women.

9:16 [SPEAKER_00]: They are the not caretakers, but they are the leaders over women. [SPEAKER_00]: So you're using this verse to invalidate you and you don't even realize it, that I should hold on a bit, my roof, to live with them and that which is good and that which is known and that which is respected and that which is honorable, using the verse to win an argument or using the verse with a tone that be little sorry because she may not know as many verses as you and understand it, you're using it, she may feel be little and be honest, the way you [SPEAKER_00]: was reactionary.

9:51 [SPEAKER_00]: It was not a response. [SPEAKER_00]: It was a reaction. [SPEAKER_00]: And that's where it can have a negative effect. [SPEAKER_00]: So brothers, realize. [SPEAKER_00]: that when real life hits and you're getting into the argument and you know the verse how you're going to deliver it because what will happen is when you do that she will not speak to you at all.

10:11 [SPEAKER_00]: She may shut down and eventually give up. [SPEAKER_00]: Reason number two brothers, authority you have to announce is authority that you are already in the process of losing. [SPEAKER_00]: When you have to announce who you are, remember one thing, she [SPEAKER_00]: The man that she married, she knows that you're the husband, right?

10:33 [SPEAKER_00]: Will you have to continuously announce it or announce a verse? [SPEAKER_00]: and saying, because of this verse, this is who I am. [SPEAKER_00]: I'm a kalim, a kalwam, I'm this person, I'm that. [SPEAKER_00]: When you find yourself finding yourself having to announce it to remind people that the new shares in town, it's not a good sign or brother.

10:53 [SPEAKER_00]: The Prophet ﷺ said, [SPEAKER_00]: and not the title. [SPEAKER_00]: It is about the patterns of how you have acted with her and the family. [SPEAKER_00]: And not the fact that when you say I'm the man of the house, oh, I'm sorry. [SPEAKER_00]: She just flicks on and says, yes, you are the man.

11:20 [SPEAKER_00]: Let me not mention my opinion or when I say it, you know, I say it with full head down submissiveness. [SPEAKER_00]: No, there is a level of obedience and respect to the husband. [SPEAKER_00]: No doubt about it. [SPEAKER_00]: But that's something that is earned, and that's the whole point, and that is Kawama.

11:38 [SPEAKER_00]: Kawama is consistency in good treatment and gentleness in mercy, in love, and empathy within the boundaries of the Shadiya. [SPEAKER_00]: And she's expecting you to, with whole those boundaries, but with a good behavior, culture, treatment. [SPEAKER_00]: The Prophet ﷺ was on a journey. [SPEAKER_00]: uh... with some of his companions and there was some women that were on the the the dab of the animal and there was a man by the name of undesia and he was a man that had a heart of the salt so the scholars in and how do you think about it is mentioned and it must also it's mentioned that undesia that he would start to sing he had a beautiful voice and [SPEAKER_00]: The singing caused the animal to use to go a little faster to get, it would, it would, it would, it would hype the animal up to the animal and move and that would cause the right to be a little more bumpy obviously.

12:48 [SPEAKER_00]: to calm down. [SPEAKER_00]: And then he said in some narrations, Rift Rift Gun Bill Kawarir of So-Koka Bill Kawarir. [SPEAKER_00]: He told him to be go easy because you are dealing with the glass vessels, notice. [SPEAKER_00]: He said Rift Gun be easy. [SPEAKER_00]: Bill Kawarir, Kawarir is like a glass vessel, meaning that it can easily be broken.

13:11 [SPEAKER_00]: It's something that you have to be very, very careful on how you deal with. [SPEAKER_00]: Why is it important in this context that the man needs to make sure that he is gentle with his wife. [SPEAKER_00]: He's gentle with the female. [SPEAKER_00]: If there were men on there, there's no problem, but it was Sahabiat, Raja Lahu Anhun.

13:30 [SPEAKER_00]: and they were women to be gentle, gentle with your treatment, gentle, gentleness is the default. [SPEAKER_00]: The Prophet ﷺ said, the same word, may I can, a rif, konfishate, rif, konfishate, in lazana. [SPEAKER_00]: There was nothing that gentleness, if it was a part of it, except that it beautifies it, except that it beautifies it.

13:55 [SPEAKER_00]: And this situation, when she may be saying something that you don't like, you haven't been home, you're not present with me, you need to be more with the kids, you're a little too aggressive. [SPEAKER_00]: These things you may not like to hear, it's important to pause and to think into pondering.

14:10 [SPEAKER_00]: As we say at Masterman, pause, [SPEAKER_00]: process ponder, then respond, right? [SPEAKER_00]: So in this situation, you respond with gentleness. [SPEAKER_00]: You start with gentleness and quoting the verse with a raised voice in the midst of the argument is not gentleness. [SPEAKER_00]: And it doesn't prove your point as the leader.

14:31 [SPEAKER_00]: You're thinking Kauama is raising your voice with the, and using the voice that allows created in the best way, right? [SPEAKER_00]: It's important to know that with this other as well, with this statement of the Prophet ﷺ, it's two things that are very interesting here. [SPEAKER_00]: When he told Anjusah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah [SPEAKER_00]: but he just told him to be gentle in the continuation.

15:05 [SPEAKER_00]: In your leadership, your mission is still continuing to be that man and to be that husband, but the way that you're doing is very, very important. [SPEAKER_00]: The correction was in the speed and not necessarily in the direction. [SPEAKER_00]: The speed slow down calm down, relax. [SPEAKER_00]: That's the first thing.

15:23 [SPEAKER_00]: The second thing is that he told Anjasha, [SPEAKER_00]: to bury the load, to carry the load, to be responsible for the women. [SPEAKER_00]: He didn't tell the women, toughen up. [SPEAKER_00]: No, you notice he told Anjisha, Riff van Belkoyeyer, okay? [SPEAKER_00]: To be paid to, to, to, to lower your voice or, you know, not to sing because it causes something that can harm the women.

15:49 [SPEAKER_00]: If you notice, he told him not to sing because the singing can cause something that [SPEAKER_00]: You see. [SPEAKER_00]: So the singing was not Haram in essence, but it was what did it bring forth that could possibly cause harm to someone. [SPEAKER_00]: The verse is not Haram in essence, but weaponizing the verse in a way that can be harmful is where you need to be wise, is where you need to embody Gohama.

16:19 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's why this is important because in actuality [SPEAKER_00]: The one that is on the job is not to tell people his position. [SPEAKER_00]: If you're doing the job, you're fulfilling that job that you're positioned in tails. [SPEAKER_00]: You don't need to tell people. [SPEAKER_00]: When you start to tell people, it is though, you have to prove something to yourself.

16:38 [SPEAKER_00]: If I'm the manager and every time I say, okay, today we're gonna shift, we're gonna change the shift, we're moving our shifts to split shifts, and that's because I'm the manager and I can do that, right? [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, we're going to have to go home early today because of the weather, because of not the many customers.

16:55 [SPEAKER_00]: That's because I'm the manager. [SPEAKER_00]: Just wanted you to know that. [SPEAKER_00]: Just want to remind you all just in case. [SPEAKER_00]: Why are you doing that? [SPEAKER_00]: If you are acting, if you are manifesting what a manager is supposed to be, people are naturally going to follow, and they're going to respect your leadership and authority.

17:13 [SPEAKER_00]: So when you embody that, that is what is important. [SPEAKER_00]: She feels and she knows that from your patterns, from your behaviors, you won't even need to tell her. [SPEAKER_00]: This is the energy that we're talking about. [SPEAKER_00]: And master, man, we call it gravity that the man possesses at the home.

17:29 [SPEAKER_00]: And this is outside of just spending and being physically fit to protect them. [SPEAKER_00]: It is that male gravity. [SPEAKER_00]: That is the essence of the poem. [SPEAKER_00]: David Gilmore in a book called Manhood in the Making. [SPEAKER_00]: He's an archaeologist and what he did is he looked at the universalities between different cultures around the world in societies.

17:51 [SPEAKER_00]: He has this term. [SPEAKER_00]: We call it a cheed. [SPEAKER_00]: conferred status, you know we talked about rights of passage rights of passage is basically when a young boy is a monk's a group of men and those men confer and agree that he is now a man he is not a boy anymore and there will be some ceremonial practices that they will have that boy do independently in the presence of the uncles or independently by himself for example.

18:20 [SPEAKER_00]: There's one culture where the young boy has to go out and bring home the head of an antelope. [SPEAKER_00]: Meaning he has to go and kill the antelope and you know bring the head home to show that he is someone that went through risk that went through danger possibly could definitely could have died out there but he came back he has the raw materials to be a man other people attest to that he doesn't come back and say yes I am this no it is [SPEAKER_00]: You saying you're a leader, you using the verse or you saying telling people your authority because of the verse that you weaponized in raise your voice, that is now how you gain authority, authorities through your actions, authorities in the way that you treat the way that you respond with gentleness.

19:07 [SPEAKER_00]: If this is describing you where you are right now, register for our free live class from Muslim men. [SPEAKER_00]: I will show you in Shalom how to rebuild your identity, practice self-control, and lead at home. [SPEAKER_00]: You'll also be able to ask questions live. [SPEAKER_00]: Click the link in the description or pinned comment and choose the next live session that is good for you.

19:27 [SPEAKER_00]: Go to event.mastermangroup.com and lastly brothers, the third thing that's important for you to know is that throughout all of this, [SPEAKER_00]: You will break the very thing that you were trying to straighten. [SPEAKER_00]: And that's primarily in foundationally found in the Hadith of the Prophet ﷺ.

19:46 [SPEAKER_00]: Where he said, it's still so being said, you're right. [SPEAKER_00]: For end of the maratah, Hulukat min lulet. [SPEAKER_00]: The Prophet ﷺ said, be kind to women. [SPEAKER_00]: for barely they were created from the rib and what's very interesting about this he said this on how to do with that he said this on his farewell sermon actually a portion of it where he said be kind to so he's leaving the message to all men males be a society of people that he is eventually going to leave soon he tells them what he tells the men what [SPEAKER_00]: be kind to women.

20:27 [SPEAKER_00]: Now, just think of the importance of that. [SPEAKER_00]: The importance of the scenario and in him saying this, be kind to women for very, they were created from the rib. [SPEAKER_00]: And Al-Ajad-Dali-Ala, and he said, very, the most crooked part of the rib is the highest part, but this is the shy idea.

20:46 [SPEAKER_00]: This is what I wanted to highlight on for this particular subject matter. [SPEAKER_00]: He said, for in the Heptan, to Kim Hukasartha. [SPEAKER_00]: And if you were to try to straighten it out, you would break it. [SPEAKER_00]: You would break it. [SPEAKER_00]: And this is important to know.

21:07 [SPEAKER_00]: When you try to straighten her out by mentioning the verse and yelling the verse, mid-argument, [SPEAKER_00]: and using the verse to prove your point just to show her that you are right or that you know something that she doesn't, the way that you do it is what is most important as we covered in the second point.

21:28 [SPEAKER_00]: When you try to straighten her out, you will break her. [SPEAKER_00]: So then the question remains, is it really about her or is it about you? [SPEAKER_00]: Because you [SPEAKER_00]: If you were to try to straighten her out, you would break her. [SPEAKER_00]: What in Talak Tahoe, lemme, lemme as well, outwards.

21:51 [SPEAKER_00]: In Talak Tahoe, if you were to leave it, it would still remain bent. [SPEAKER_00]: Meaning that's who she is, that's how a law has created her. [SPEAKER_00]: Leave her that way. [SPEAKER_00]: She may be emotional. [SPEAKER_00]: She may be you may view as irrational at the point. [SPEAKER_00]: at that point.

22:07 [SPEAKER_00]: That's where it's important to be gentle, not to use a first to drive the point at home a little more, but you're digging more of a grave for the marriage that is a covenant. [SPEAKER_00]: It's a covenant for resolution and resolve, not for rebuttals and responses, or rebuttals and reactions.

22:30 [SPEAKER_00]: Rather, it's that which you have to be wise, and this is the making of the man. [SPEAKER_00]: This is the making of the leader. [SPEAKER_00]: because at the beginning of the Hadith, he says, be kind to women, right? [SPEAKER_00]: And then he tells you why by telling you something very interesting, her biology, that she was created from you.

23:05 [SPEAKER_00]: Even though she's from you, she's different than you. [SPEAKER_00]: How? [SPEAKER_00]: Because she's bent like the top portion of the rib. [SPEAKER_00]: And then he gives you the responsibility, talking to you, man, not by not to her. [SPEAKER_00]: This is how she is, so you need to take care of her.

23:21 [SPEAKER_00]: This is where you're going. [SPEAKER_00]: You see the reality? [SPEAKER_00]: What are you going to do about it? [SPEAKER_00]: Let me tell you, don't try to go in and straighten her out. [SPEAKER_00]: Don't try to go in and make your point known by mentioning the verse and saying, that's why this is the case.

23:34 [SPEAKER_00]: This is what I mean. [SPEAKER_00]: You have to listen. [SPEAKER_00]: It's my way or the highway. [SPEAKER_00]: It's my decision, right? [SPEAKER_00]: I'm the husband and I'm the man of the house. [SPEAKER_00]: You have to listen to me. [SPEAKER_00]: No, it's about living that life, it's about when she says something irrational or may say something that's too emotional for you to even respond to, don't respond.

23:56 [SPEAKER_00]: Be gentle, don't try to straighten her out, but then he concludes I had it, fuzz those who. [SPEAKER_00]: And this is important. [SPEAKER_00]: So. [SPEAKER_00]: so be jut kind to women. [SPEAKER_00]: He starts the Hadith, what ordering men to be kind. [SPEAKER_00]: He ends the Hadith, ordering men to be kind.

24:20 [SPEAKER_00]: The Prophet ﷺ mentioned in this beautiful Hadith, [SPEAKER_00]: You know, he says, we're also going to say, we're going to be in a common way to tomorrow and he's made between you to love and mercy. [SPEAKER_00]: Using, you know, this verse in weaponizing it, right? [SPEAKER_00]: So say, there's a lack of intimacy.

24:44 [SPEAKER_00]: And you say, suponala, we're going to be in a common way to tomorrow, we're not having any, we're not being together. [SPEAKER_00]: You know, we're not having any intercourse together. [SPEAKER_00]: We're going to be in a common way. [SPEAKER_00]: Allah says, we're going to be in a common way.

24:56 [SPEAKER_00]: Look, weaponizing the verse to get what you want. [SPEAKER_00]: have to be wise. [SPEAKER_00]: And that doesn't mean she's not oppressing you. [SPEAKER_00]: She may be, but the way you're using the words of a lawsuit behind a Wattata can be breaking something more than straightening it out.

25:12 [SPEAKER_00]: It is not particularly about her. [SPEAKER_00]: And this is one thing we have to understand about these. [SPEAKER_00]: It's not about her defect. [SPEAKER_00]: It's not a defect. [SPEAKER_00]: It's how a law created it. [SPEAKER_00]: It's more about your method. [SPEAKER_00]: And the method is to be kind.

25:27 [SPEAKER_00]: This is such an important point, brothers, [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not sitting here saying that you are not going to be emotional either, you're human being, that your emotions may not get the best of you, you're human being, but it's important to understand those emotions, to know those emotions, to separate yourself from the emotion, and see where it can take you, know where it can take you, and then do your best to control it.

25:51 [SPEAKER_00]: And this is what you had enough, this is it. [SPEAKER_00]: You are in the terms you had enough. [SPEAKER_00]: It is recognizing the emotion to regulate and govern that emotion. [SPEAKER_00]: That's you had enough. [SPEAKER_00]: That's fighting this old. [SPEAKER_00]: And that is the manhood that is very, very well placed and well thought out and respected eventually.

26:14 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, there's a term that the government institute is called, you have masters and disasters. [SPEAKER_00]: The Master is not the one that technically doesn't fight at all this way. [SPEAKER_00]: No, they will get into, you will get into a fight with your wife, but how are you repairing it?

26:32 [SPEAKER_00]: Are you making attempts to repair it? [SPEAKER_00]: Are you, yes, I use a verse, I'm sorry, I shouldn't use a verse in that way. [SPEAKER_00]: But do you understand what this verse means when I'm saying this particular thing? [SPEAKER_00]: And this particular verse, right? [SPEAKER_00]: He is a Master.

26:48 [SPEAKER_00]: He knows when he sees her act a certain way, how to appropriately respond in a way that's conducive to the covenant, not only to prove his point. [SPEAKER_00]: So brothers, those are the three things that it's important to understand that when you use a verse of the crime to weaponize to get your point across, it's not about that, and it can really cause some detriment to you and your family, your wife, to where it would be something negative, [SPEAKER_00]: for the unit and the covenant that a lost one dollar has intended for both of you.

27:17 [SPEAKER_00]: So when you go home tonight, man, when you go home and you speak to your wife, if you're in the midst of an argument right now, you know, go to her and say, you know, look, I don't want to win this. [SPEAKER_00]: It's not about winning. [SPEAKER_00]: I just want to get to some common ground.

27:29 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to get to understand you here. [SPEAKER_00]: right? [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I don't agree. [SPEAKER_00]: And I didn't mean to use a verse in that way. [SPEAKER_00]: But although I believe it's true, I just want us to be okay and I want you to just tell me the whole thing, maybe I'm misunderstanding it.

27:42 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, using methods that we talk about a masterman of mirroring the meeting. [SPEAKER_00]: She says, I feel overwhelmed, say, so what I'm understanding you feeling it, weighing heavy on you, is that correct? [SPEAKER_00]: you summarize, you reiterate, you mirror it with the meaning you understand instead of using the verse to get to your point.

27:59 [SPEAKER_00]: So when doing this brothers, you know, mentioning that you're intention that not wanting to fight and how you don't want to cause any rift. [SPEAKER_00]: And supported that [SPEAKER_00]: You say it when it's cool and it's not hot. [SPEAKER_00]: You say it at a time that it's easy way after after you separate, you say, I'm gonna separate myself.

28:17 [SPEAKER_00]: Or you made the mistake and use a verse and they got really, really out of hand. [SPEAKER_00]: Don't try to append what you say with the verse. [SPEAKER_00]: You say, no, and by the way, a lost one thought that says this, you don't wanna do that. [SPEAKER_00]: And nor do you wanna defend yourself in those three minutes.

28:32 [SPEAKER_00]: Say your point, say you don't want to [SPEAKER_00]: You don't have bad intentions, you're not trying to win an argument, it's not about winning a losing, it's about for us to come to a common ground and be quiet. [SPEAKER_00]: Come to a common ground and then ask her a question, so what do you think about and be quiet and just listen and she will appreciate it in Shala Hotala.

28:54 [SPEAKER_00]: And brothers, I'm compelled to mention here and you're not a bad husband. [SPEAKER_00]: As long as this isn't consistent, [SPEAKER_00]: You know, you're someone that is human and you're a man that may have been taught the wrong way and especially those that have studied the Dean a little or a lot, you know, we've been taught to use these verses for guidance.

29:13 [SPEAKER_00]: This is literally what we use in how to live our life. [SPEAKER_00]: And you may want to do that with her in regards to what she's doing to where she doesn't live her life in a way that could be detrimental to her to the relationship. [SPEAKER_00]: But again, it's how you're using it, and when you're using it.

29:27 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, there's a statement on Ali, Ralilahua, I know it's in Bukhari, it's my Adalukah, it's a test statement. [SPEAKER_00]: Where you said, how different that's a Bimaya, Adifun? [SPEAKER_00]: Atulidul, when you cut the Balaahua Rasulah, he said, speak to men at their capacity, speak to mankind at their capacity.

29:44 [SPEAKER_00]: Do you want them to be lie, Allah, and his messenger? [SPEAKER_00]: So at this capacity, it's important to do so. [SPEAKER_00]: And remember, she is where she is, and she is who she is. [SPEAKER_00]: So what's important for you to know is you say the truth. [SPEAKER_00]: and don't use the truth to humiliate, to be little.

30:04 [SPEAKER_00]: You can say the truth and the way that's conducive. [SPEAKER_00]: Remember, timing and temperature. [SPEAKER_00]: May Allah support our daughter, make it easy on you brothers. [SPEAKER_00]: I hope to see you all soon. [SPEAKER_00]: Assalamu alaikum rahmatullahi alaikum. [SPEAKER_00]: If you've been watching videos and still feel stuck, then join the free live masterclass in Shalotala.

30:20 [SPEAKER_00]: Go to event.mastermangroup.com, choose the next session and check your email and SMS to join us. [SPEAKER_00]: I'll see you on the other side.