Do Men Feel Guilt? The Science of Guilt, Motherhood & Why You Can't Stop Upscaling

Do men actually feel guilt — or does it just look different? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner dives into one of her most viral Instagram moments and the research that sparked it: the striking difference between how men and women experience guilt in family life. Drawing on Marianne Cooper's landmark studies, Leah unpacks a concept called "upscaling" — why when life gets uncertain, many mothers respond by raising the bar, seeking control, and comparing themselves to others, all of which leads to more guilt, not less. If you've ever felt like you can't stop optimizing, can't lower your standards, and can't stop looking sideways at what other people are doing — this episode is for you.
Chapters:
00:00 Introduction — guilt, Instagram fame, and a viral post
01:00 Do men feel guilt? What the research and the comments say
02:18 How men transition guilt into action — and why breadwinner norms neutralize it
04:35 Why women don't get the same guilt negation — and why that's a problem
05:30 Is guilt even a useful emotion? What it's actually signaling
06:54 Marianne Cooper's research: upscaling vs. downscaling under pressure
08:00 The optimization trap — why highly educated mothers burn through mental load energy
09:16 Three strategies mothers use when upscaling: raise the bar, seek control, compare
11:36 Food, motherhood guilt, and the pressure of home-cooked organic meals
13:00 Why "solely responsible" became the default — and how we got here
14:30 Social media as the ultimate social comparison machine
16:09 What Drained says: good is good enough, and social comparison is the thief of joy
18:27 Guilt as a signal vs. guilt as a trap — and how to tell the difference
Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner
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