The Hidden Mental Load of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

What happens when caregiving never ends — when you cared for your siblings as a child, your own children as an adult, and now your grandchildren in older age?
In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner discusses Grandmothering While Black: A 21st Century Story of Love, Coercion, and Survival by Lashonda Pittman, a powerful book based on interviews with over 75 Black grandmothers in Chicago raising their grandchildren. Leah unpacks the historical legacy of racism and family separation that shapes these caregiving arrangements today, the difference between multi-generational and “skipped generation” families, and the immense mental load these grandmothers carry while navigating broken welfare, healthcare, and housing systems — sometimes even having to hide the fact that grandchildren live with them just to access resources.
Leah connects this research to a much bigger question about care in every country: what do we lose when caregiving is coerced rather than chosen, and what would it look like if systems — not individual women — carried more of that weight?
Chapters:
00:00 Introduction — a book that stayed with Leah all weekend
02:16 Who is Lashonda Pittman, and what is Grandmothering While Black?
04:35 The historical legacy of removing children from Black and Indigenous families
06:53 Multi-generational vs. “skipped generation” families
08:56 Navigating broken systems: welfare, housing, and hidden caregiving
11:07 “There’s no break in the care” — a lifetime of caregiving across generations
13:00 Judy’s story: “I’m ready for a life”
13:31 What we lose when care is coerced instead of chosen
14:30 Sweden’s approach: care systems designed to free people, not trap them
15:30 A bigger question: why do we force caregivers to trade their ambitions?
Resources Mentioned:
📘 Grandmothering While Black: A 21st Century Story of Love, Coercion, and Survival by Lashonda Pittman
📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More by Professor Leah Ruppanner
🏛️ Better Life Lab — Story Fellows Program
Stay Connected with Leah:
Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner
Instagram: @lightenlab
TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner
Website: leahruppanner.com
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About MissPerceived:
MissPerceived is a weekly podcast hosted by Professor Leah Ruppanner, sociologist and author of Drained. Each week, Leah breaks down the gender myths and social systems shaping our lives — from mental load and caregiving to work, relationships, and identity. No PhD required. Just come hang out.
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