MFM Minisode 492

Hello and welcome my favorite murder, the minisod. That's right, this.

Is the minisode we tell you things about yourself that you didn't even know you wanted to know.

Are you ready for a little bit of self examination? Can we do this finally get you to admit your side of things? Go first? Okay, yes, I will go first. Thank you. The subject line of this first email is rabies at church camp, all your favorite topics, and it starts what's up, hotties? Oh cute, no time to waste.

Gird your loins for a wild tale. When I was eleven, like any good Christian child, I was sent to church camp. However, I had developed a reputation for running into troubles.

Just the year before, troubles troubles multiple Just the year before, I had been sent to the hospital with a back injury after a pool game of playing in the swimming pool of chicken gone wrong where I nearly drowned.

Holy shit, so true troubles. Yeah. The camp setting was at a state park in the middle of the Tennessee Woods. So the next year, when my mother got a phone call from a park ranger, Oh so where that injury happened?

Oh?

Okay, in the middle of a state park in Tennessee. Got it. So the next year, when my mother got a phone call from a park ranger stating that I had had an accident in the park pool, it felt like deja vu. My mother firmly stated, you must be mistaken. Did you find some old documents or something that accident happened a year ago.

Yeah, we were going through some paperwork and I'm like, hey, emergency call immediately.

Hold on, let me get this cobblob off. Call nine one one. Sorry making fun of their mom, it says. The calm ranger responded to my mother with, no, ma'am, this morning at ten am, your daughter Sarah had an incident in the pool involving an animal attack. What dun duh? Duh? Cut to my eleven year old perspective. I was swimming, I was like, first, it was a perfectly written email.

I was swimming in the pool, minding my business when I heard someone yell, get it out, get it out. I was curious and swim over to the growing crowd surrounding a brown dot squirming in the water. I pushed through the crowd and approached this creature. There's your problem right there. Hanging back. Maybe get out of the pool, run the opposite way. Yeah, you don't need to be up in there, you're eleven. I pushed through the crowd and approach this creature. I wasn't wearing my glasses.

Oh then why okay, I don't want to yell at a child.

I mean, I just just eleven. So to my naked eyes, it appeared simply to be a bird. In my mind, I was an animal savior to all creatures great and small, and animal savior child creatures great and small is italicized. So into my hands it went. However, as I exited the pool, I began to notice the features of this creature were not that of a bird, but rather a curved nose bat. No. The second my brain realized what it was, it awoke from its post drowning nap and began to bite me on my thumb. I panicked as the pain surged from its teeth digging into me. I looked around for help, but none came.

Because everyone knows not the touch of bat, but everyone wears their glasses on.

In the pool, everyone with good vision stayed in a circle around the bat did not break through. I relate to this person so much, stop breaking through. I looked around for help, but none came. So my solution was to rip it from my flesh and throw it across the concrete pools.

Oh my god, which we get it? Yeah?

The rest is a blur. But a ranger came and sured the bat and took it away. I didn't know the procedures of such attacks, but what I did know is that I was never allowed in the park pool again. Wow, at age eleven. I don't know if that's her fault.

It's like, do we have any adults present keeping an eye on everything?

It sounds like I bet you there was a fifteen year old up on that lifeguard stand right. It was also just watching the kids circle up around a bat. The worst part of this story is that my parents got a fateful call from the park labs and were told that they had less than seventy two hours to get me to the hospital and get me vaccinated because the bat tested positive for rabies.

That's like a hard core treatment too, right, Oh yeah, very painful.

Yes, we had to call Vanderbilt Children's Hospital in Nashville, Tennessee to make sure they even had the vaccine to give me. Because it wasn't every day that they had to administer Raby's shots. Oh it's real old fashioned. After twenty three shots, Oh my god, I was in the clear of dying from rabies to day. I always get weird looks when people see my vaccine records. So yeah, Batman doesn't have shit on me. They said crap, but I changed it. Yeah, because it's funny here. Thank you for being here and telling your stories. I'm a private duty nurse and my patient and I love to listen every morning and it makes our days better. A Hi, Hi, stay sexy and stay out of the church camp pool.

Sarah, where was Jesus in that moment?

Not on that lifeguard stand watching over the lifeguard I wasn't swimming next to you. Who watches the watchers? Okay, that's great.

This is called Broadmoor Hospital celebrity spotting. Hi, Karen and Georgia, Greetings from Kent, the Garden of England.

What news from Kent?

I live in the county town Maidstone. You straight out of Game of Thrones, which is a bit of a shithole but doesn't sound like it, but does have a prison where Reggie Cray was incarcerated for a spell, But that's that's not the reason I'm writing the craze. The craze were the crazy twin like.

Monsters mobsters or were they twins or woul They just rather close in age.

Yeah, something like that, and they like terrorized.

That everybody, but also had a really great nightclub. Watched Tom Hardy write in legend or Legendary right, he plays both parts.

Okay, My sister Kate and I are avid Day one listeners and have always wished we had a story for you. When I heard the Shakespeare at Broadmoor episode episode five thirty two, I realized that finally this is my time to shine. Kate will be fuming I've beaten her to it. If you read this out nice go to hello. We love starting sibling foots. We come from a very large family with a shall we say, colorful past. When I was a kid, I was a keen, nerdy letter writer and one of my favorite correspondents was my uncle Jeff.

But with the G Joff, Geoff Joff. When sober and medicated, Joff.

Was warm, It's not really nice.

Jeff was warm, kind company, prone to lavish gestures, and possessed a dry, dark sense of humor. When he wasn't, things were harder for him, and he spent many spells at Her Majesty's pleasure, including some stints at Broadmore. I don't know exactly how he came to be there, but he was definitely nearer the June and Jennifer end of the spectrum than the Hardcorengans, Rongans Rongins. Anyway, one day, when I was about sixteen, I went with another of my uncles to visit Jeff there in the central hall where I think the Shakespeare performance must have been held.

It was great to see him, and he was calm, genial company. He bought me flowers in a very expensive bottle of perfume and says, I don't know how he got a hold of it, but I do know that I couldn't wait to crow about it to my pals. The wording of this emails great.

Sorry if giving from within he had a touch traded that like cigarettes or something like that. That's really nice, right.

The whole thing was a young Murderino's daydream. At the races, my other uncle and I were not the only visitors, and the hall was pretty crowded. Just over the way was Ronnie Cray and visiting associates, looking for all the world like a twinkly grandpa with his smart zoot suit and teddy boy brill creamed hair. It was nineteen ninety one, so pretty anachronistic, but very dapper.

He still was like getting dressed up.

And people were still coming to see him. They were power And then across the room, staring all caps right at me was none other than Peter Sutcliffe aka the Yorkshire Ripper. When I was growing up, he was the absolute number one fear of young women in the UK. And I am not joking when I say his dead cold stare made my blood run absolutely icy. And the kicker his visitor was a beautiful young woman.

What was she thinking?

Jeff struggled in the outside world and is long gone now, but I like to think he was in the audience of the play, and I know he would have found it to be bomb.

For his troubled soul.

Stay sexy and don't have lock eyes with the serial killer Beck.

Wow, Like that would an experience of like going into a place like that where you are there's somebody that you're there for a real reason. Yeah, but you know where you are and you know what you're looking at.

I mean, how scary for the people that are there, not because they've committed any crimes, but just right need some help. Yeah.

Interesting. Brodmore gets brought up a lot in this podcast. Yeah, it does fascinating. Find someone that used to work there. Yeah, bring them on or go there to a live show my MFM. Brodmore. No, just kidding, just shut it down. We just end up getting all of it shut down. We are not the cramps. This is no, no, no, okay.

The subject line of this email is energy vampire teacher I went to and it just gets right into it. I went to a small high school, maybe one hundred and fifty students in the Midwest. On the last day of the school year, I confess to one of my teachers that I hadn't completed my final project comparing a historically important piece of literature to a modern version. So he asked me a couple of questions. Did you read the books? Yes? Did you learn something? Yes? Okay, then you passed high school Anxiety procrastinations somehow won that day amazing.

Years later, while watching the intro to the first episode of a new TV show, I had deposit in disbelief when I saw and later learned that the very same teacher, Mark Prochs was now the one and only our favorite energy vampire, Colin Robinson of What We Do in the Shadows he was a teacher. I love that fucking show so much, and I love that guy.

He's so funny, he is so good. All of them are so good on that. To watch the TV show What We Do in the Shadows, I feel I am jealous of you that you get a start over.

You have seasons and seasons to binge if Matt Berry to learn about and then enjoy for the first time.

Oh my god, Yes, and he's just still this guy's I don't love his name, but that's amazing.

Okay, I know, God, And it's very funny that he's not a household name, but Colin Robinson I would have been like a totally and I thought.

I would have known his name, and so I'm surprised.

I don't okay approach. I honestly hope that he doesn't remember me now, because my anxiety brain still recalls with too much clarity all the ways I embarrassed myself that year and probably irked him in one way or another in other chance meetings throughout the remainder of my teens. I guess he has more important things to think about, but the high schooler part of my brain will always worry about what people thought of me. Twenty ish years ago, I first began listening to my favorite murder right after moving into a house in the woods. So sorry I missed that little tidbit of advice to stay out of the forest. Your voices have continued to keep me company throughout the years, and yes, I am still in the forest,

and I am still knock on wood. Fine, And then it just says, ay, ay, yeah, that's so cool.

He was a teacher. He was probably so over at that point. He was like, did you read?

Did you learn? Then? That's an god bless I have an audition, yeah for this show. He was an improv guy for a long time. He was an improv guy and he did this really amazing thing because my friends ran the Found Footage festival. Oh yeah, so they got the footage of him as a fake expert. I think he was a fake yo yo expert on local news.

That's kind of where he first got discovered because he was so he just ruined the morning news on purpose and so realistically amazing.

Yeah, so amazing, so good. Okay, I have to love I'm not going to tell you the name of this one. Okay, Hi, ladies and co.

That's a good one.

Yeah, love y'all lots, thanks for being bad. Let's get into it. My dad was raised and lived in the suburbs of Chicago for his entire life. When my dad was in his high school days in the seventies, he and his friends decided to build and sell large speakers. With this quote luke it of business in mind, the group started to collect supplies. They needed a particular type of foam to fill the speakers with, and they found a local junkyard.

That would sell it to them for cheap.

The owner said for twenty bucks, the boys could take as much foam as they could carry. The owner called his brother over and told the brother to show my dad and his friends where the foam was located. They started walking with the brother and the guys all got strange vibes from him immediately, and he guess says, yet, uh, well, foam, it wasn't nothing to do with foam.

Well, no hillside stranglers, no all, my and this is all, it's in Chicago.

All my dad's friends were avoiding talking to the brother because of how creepy.

He was, but my thinking about what we do in the shadows.

But my dad, being a smart and savvy businessman, knew the more he got on this guy's good side, the more opportunity they would have in the future to grow their speaker business. And that was how easy it was to make money back then. You just made a thing out of nothing, out of trash, You.

Made something, and you were a nice man to another man. Yeah, and then good luck with everything, right.

My dad's schmoozing and kindness led to this guy eventually softening a bit to my dad, but only my dad. After they collected all the phone they could carry, my dad thanked this man and said they would be back again for more. After building one to do speakers and being immediately bored of the project, the guys quit their speaker of building business and therefore never returned to the junkyard.

Years later, my dad saw a news report about a man suspected of domestic terrorism and murder. He recognizes the man being fingered, but can't quite place him, and it bothers him for months. Months maybe even close to a year later, my dad realizes that the man was the one who worked in the junkyard. The man was none other than the unibomber ted Kaczynski.

I didn't realize. I thought he was he targeted professors. But he was he himself, wasn't he?

Yes, he went to Harvard, Remember they did that. They think that they did all these LSD experiments on and oh, ok theme all. I remember his brother's the one who turned him in.

Turned him in. Yeah, but I just never realized he had like a junkyard phase. Same. No, that deep cut.

The factory yard they picked up the phone from was owned by Kazinski's brother. He and his wife would later turn Kazinsky into the authorities. This is just one of the many stories my dad shared with me over the years. My father was always into true crime and mysteries, later going on to become a lawyer and pass his love from mysteries on to me. My dad became a well respected lawyer, working for the State's Attorney's Office for many years, being on staff while cases like John Wayne Gacy and other notorious Chicagoland area murders were being tried and sentenced.

So of course, he had many crazy stories and sometimes insider info on Chicago land crimes.

Can we have that please? Uh no, actually you legally cannot, all right.

He ended his career at our Country's courthouse, where he worked for over a decade. He passed away in August of twenty nineteen after a long battle with skin cancer. Shortly after, one of the halls in our County's courthouse was named after him in honor of his devoted heart to seeing liberty and justice for all. He left a forever impact on our county, our family, and the lives of so many. I am proud to be part of his legacy. Karen you sharing your Karen you sharing your journey of losing your mother to a disease where you don't recognize your family member has touched me and made my journey of being a caretaker for a sick parent feel a little less isolating. Thank you both for making me laugh on tough days and being an escape from

reality when I needed one while taking care of him.

For the last few years of his life.

Stay sexy, don't buy foam from serial killers, and most importantly, get your yearly check up at your dermatologist.

Katie God, Katie, so many lessons to be learned from this one, so many lessons, but also what an incredible thing to have a dad that worked so well, didn't just work hard, didn't just like yeah, devote himself for whatever his reasons are, but like the point where they're like, oh, we're going to give him a wing. We're gonna name a wing after him.

And Ted Kaczynski, who famously hated everyone, Oh yeah, fucking like you, only you you kissed.

Up to somebody that was unkiss uppable too.

Or like you were just like you treated to them like a human being enough that they were like, this guy's pretty cool. Yeah, wild, Thank you, Katie.

Good job, Katie. All right, here's my last one, so in honor of Father's Day, talking about Champion Fathers right coming, which is coming up. The subject line of this the American version I couldn't read to you, but here's the British version. The subject line is the ultimate cunt. Now with do with that? Editor is what you will? Okay, So it says hey to all the pets and people at my favorite murder. Firstly, I'd like to say how much your podcast has helped with some of the hardest times in my life. I now listen while making ashes jewelry, and then in parentheses it says, yep, like the cremations of people and pets. Oh so you can have a little permanent I want that. Yeah, you just look them.

Really, I didn't realize you were morbid as fuck.

Well, I was just like, Elvis has been gone for too long, So you can't have just like ashes. Oh do you really? Of course? Oh you didn't bury him? Where am I gonna? I don't live anywhere long enough to like up aforest lawn. Look, I'm not going to fight with you on Mike about this, but you should have buried him in a human He's on a shelf that looks lovely. Well, now you can make it. We've got a friend in the business. Okay. Sorry. My dad was always doing something dodgy for quick cash. One of his many great get rich quick schemes involved with my brother and myself. He had decided that selling cigarettes he had purchased in France, it would be his new money making idea. Oh Dad, so this isn't just your average

I think that we've gotten a lot of trash Dad stories where it's like he forgot to pick us up from skating or whatever. And this is like, I think this is where might go into a new level of British trash. It's actually illegal at this point. Yard we're getting into a legal territory. We're getting creative with how we're going to be trashy okay. So it says the only problem being that you could only bring a few cartons without having to pay tax coming back to the UK.

That's when the baguette trip started. What would take us both over on the car ferry to France, fill the back of the car fully with creates of cigarettes, and then place a blanket on top and tell me and my brother to pretend to be asleep. When the customs person would come and look in the car, my dad would innocently say that his two young children were asleep in the back and they would let us pass without any search. And then in parentheses that says this was the early nineties. Oh my god, this happened regularly for a few years. Oh my god. What did me and my brother get out of this trip? You guessed it?

A fresh baguette or I mean, come on, Unortho, get some of that French butter. You're all set hell yeah. I wonder what my teachers must have thought when they asked what we did most weekends, and I answered with we went to get the baguettes. It wasn't all that bad, as on one of the bagette trips he surprised us with a trip to Disneyland Paris. It was probably our cut of the money from the cigarettes the operation we had been crucial to carrying out. Not sure how or why the trip stopped. He probably found his next big idea and moved on. When my siblings and I laugh about this stuff that happened in our childhood around normal folks, we usually get the wide eyed horror you might need therapy looks. But I wouldn't change my wild childhood for anything.

I mean the kind of dad that will cook up a plan like that.

It's like innocent in a way, yes, And I'm dying to know how much money he made.

Because he's just trying to get around like a tax It's not he is not stealing money from other people now.

He's not putting the kids in harm's way in any way.

No, not really.

He's giving them bread, and he's giving them the best bread in the world.

So you can argue that he's like he cares more than other parents because he's delivering fresh French. Have you ever had a French bag at? Fuck?

Yeah?

I mean my dad was a chain smoking, flat cap wearing, cunt word loving man, British British cut. He passed away three weeks ago from cancer, and listening to all his friends and family tell the most unhinged stories about him in his life has made me cry, laugh and be so thankful for the colorful childhood I had. If you need any more wild stories about trash dads, I could probably write a thousand emails, like the time he turned off someone's water and then cemented over the tap, oh my god. Or I need to know who deserved that?

What did they do to deserve that? Or his fortieth birthday where he wore a penis hat with forty on it. Just tiny pants all day photo please? Oh, the list is wild. His last wish, which he gave me the pleasure of executing, was to have a flower arrangement with his favorite word on it. Try organizing that with a funeral director. Oh my god, ha ha ha. No. I have an attached photo for you. Please feel free to share, stay sexy and use your children to smuggle cigarettes or maybe don't. Here's the picture.

It says it's there's like a beautiful flower arrangement in the back of our hearse with the coffin and a little red ribbon signs says cunt and that.

But do you see what that flower arrangement is? It's a cigarette. Oh my god, it's very subtle. I just thought it was like kind of weird. But no, no cigarette with the word cigarette with the work cunt.

That's how do you?

That's how to go out? And I think if I'm not mistaken, I could be. But that's on top of the coffin that's in the back of the hearse. Yeah, that's the coffin right there. Yeah, so that's all. Oh my god, let's put a decoration on top. We'll put it on social media. That's beautiful. Wow. Well, our condolences to you about losing your father, especially so recently. I love that they used this email to basically process some memories because please please send more.

The trash dad stories or trash parent stories, trust, trash sibling stories, A great a good anti one islcome yes.

My favorite murder at Gmail. What a way to celebrate father's day. Yeah, is like a great dad that really lived and lived and lived and then included his kids.

I was going to say that he could have gone on his own and been gone all weekend, and no, he was like, I need to spend time with my kids, but I also need to make that money.

And I need to not get caught right, and I love bread, and I can put those things all together. Let's mix it in a big salad of legal childhood activity.

Okay, I'll do one more trash or treasure Dad for Father's Day. Great in honor of Father's Day, Hey, besties, my parents divorced just before my second birthday, leaving my dad to navigate life with two little girls.

Every other weekend.

Think birthday dinners at Red Lobster with all my dad's bachelor friends and backyard bondfuyers with those same guys, where I got to play bartender and stay up late until the dirty jokes started.

Yeah tell yeah, and that basically the slightly drunk dad's like, oh wait, you guys got to get a bed. I don't tell your mother. I don't, you can't.

My dad was also very frugal and taught me and my sister to always be on the lookout for spare change on the ground. I was excellent at this, spotting a penny from feet away, oftentimes collecting several coins at once before my sister even had the chance to look at the ground. She was more of a head in the clouds kind of girl. But not me. I had my eyes on high alert for those precious bits of spare change. I had been doing this for as long as I can remember, and pride myself on being pretty good at finding things. While visiting my dad recently, I was reminiscing about my childhood finds and saying that now when I find change, I give it to my daughter for her piggy bank. My dad smiled and said that's nice,

but he's surprised I'm still finding change on the ground. I assumed he meant because we've become a cashless society, but no, he goes on to say that he used to drop coins for us to find outside his car before getting us out of our seats. Part of me was in disbelief that my finding skills were based on a lie, but a bigger part of.

Me has sound so much joy in this.

It's so cute, I know, and you used to still all a change from your dad's Yeah, yeah.

Changes a big part of like childhood with your dad?

Totally my dad my dad and may have been a typical nineties trash dad at times, but he also tried so hard to make every moment of our limited time with him special.

So maybe he is a treasured.

Dad after all he is is stay sexy and drop change for your kids to find. You never know what could turn into a core memory. Sally Forth, Sarah she her, thanks, Sarah. If I had, if I had a switch to blip, I'd be crying right now and I can feel it there, but it's not happening. We got it.

Let's give it a couple of months, okay. I mean that's beautiful. And also it truly is like the weirdest surprise I didn't see coming. Yeah, I mean neither. He's just like distraction.

Oh, you're so good at finding changed. I'm so good at finding Like what a beautiful thing to good Yeah, to bestow on your child?

I love, that's like, how are you still finding change? I I threw that change? Are you never? I never told you? And now it's like someone with an eagle eye. It's like I paid my mortgage with that change, Dad, Thank you well. Happy Father's Day every to everybody who celebrates right dads and grabs that's try, and moms who act like dads that's right, and dads who do it all and moms who do most of the things too as well. And let's not forget the moms on Father's Day, right please, Oh and stay sexy and don't get murdered. Goodbye, Elvis, Do you want a cookie? This has been an exactly right production.

Our senior producer is Molly Smith and our associate producer is Tessa Hughes.

Our editor is Aristotle Ascevedo.

This episode was mixed by Leona Squalacci.

Email your hometowns to My Favorite Murder at gmail dot com.

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And now you can watch My Favorite Murder on Netflix.

And when you're there, hit the double thumbs up and the remind me buttons. That's the best way you can support our show. Goodbye,

MFM Minisode 492

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