MFM Minisode 499

Hello, and welcome to my favorite Murder the minisode.

We read you your stories and what and have summertime fun.

Yay, you go with it.

That really got serious for a second. Okay, that's a good way to kick this off.

Yeah.

Uh. The subject line of this email is the war pig. I grew up on a farm. We just get right into it. There's not even a hello.

Good.

I grew up on a farm in rural North Georgia. I think big pasture is broken up by dense forests of pine trees.

Well.

During the summer and after school, most days, my eight cousins and I would be kept by my sweet grandmother, who, instead of having eight elementary school children in her house from two thirty to eight pm, would kick us out to play outside. Now this was in the early two thousands, so she could have just plopped us in front of the TV with some SpongeBob and a popsicle and called it a day. But were glad she didn't let us rod our brains instead, Yeah, because she didn't wit in the house. Instead, we would go play outside in the woods and the cow pastures until the sun went down.

And boy do I have stories about being chased by bulls, physically attacked by a black swan and falling into literal quicksand of cowshit. Because she couldn't keep a close eye on us, she called in the help of the wear Pig. The wear Pig was a werewolf like pig that lived in the woods and would watch us to make sure that we were being good, and if we were bad, would eat us just like he did.

The neighbor kid.

A threat with an imaginary like beast crypto, Yeah, kryptoid that's killed before, that's killed children before.

And then it says, this might sound bad, but what's worse is all of our parents, my five uncles, and my dad adopted the wear Pig to do their the whole family. When we were in our early teens, one of my uncles actually dressed up like the wear Pig and scared the shit out.

Of us while we were playing flashlight tag in the wood. Oh the bit. I would pay a lot for that video. The screaming, the sharp.

Screaming, then the crying, and then the oh come on, Yeah, it was after thanks after Thanksgiving. Needless to say, we were all traumatized by the wear Pig and kept a close eye on the woods years later, we were all joking at a family dinner and found out that our grandmother and our parents had a family meeting to discuss what to do about our behavior when we were kids.

Thus the wear Pig was born. That's how bad they were.

It's like a cult kind of here's the agreed lie tell the children.

I think the movie Hereditary is based on that. It's a real, by any means necessary way of raising children. It sounds like it works.

I think so and says stay sexy and watch out for the wear Pig, Maddie. So it's a pig that's watching you. Yeah, that's pretty creep.

And kills children. Most importantly, eat some ride up kills children.

Yeah, did you like your bacon lack yesterday morning at breakfast? Well, now I'm here to eat you revenge.

Okay.

Years later, my confession. It's cold, it's very funny. Um, and then I have to do this what sad dudes and dudets. First off, thank you both for everything you do. You've been my comfort podcast since the summer of twenty sixteen, when I was fifteen. Wow.

Now for my confession.

In twenty eighteen, when I was seventeen, my grandmother passed away due to the long term effects of smoking.

That detail becomes important later.

Our entire family gathered at her retirement community to celebrate her life. There were so many friends there, which honestly surprised me because let's just say, Grandma wasn't exactly known for her warm and fuzzy personality, not with kids at least. After the celebration, the immediate family went back to her apartment to pack up her belongings. While my mom was cleaning, she suddenly held something up off the floor.

What's this My vape?

That shouldn't say it, but it's her vape, the same vape I'd gotten caught with about a month earlier. Apparently I dropped it during one of my visits. Immediately my brain went into survival mode. Without missing a beat, I gasped, Grandma vaped. The room erupted no way, Seriously, I had no idea. While everyone was busy processing this shocking revelation, I realized I had one chance to save myself. If Grandma owned a vape, she'd probably have a charge or two.

I casually walked over to my backpack, pulled out my vape charger, slipped it into my pocket. Waited for everyone to get distracted again, and quietly tucked it into her nightstand drawer.

Evil, like doubling down on evil, just being like, well, I have to, I really have to send them home.

Yeah. It was like someone's gonna say, as if anyone who doesn't have a vape knows that you have to charge it, it's your grandmother.

She Oh, yeah, she smoked. She likes sweet apple.

No, No, like she smoked cigarette and she wasn't particularly warm and fuzzy.

Yeah, that's true, but vaping is like a step beyond. She's not a fucking kid on the corner with a very small BMX bike.

No, tucked in her night's said drawer. Mission accomplished. A few hours later, my dad up in the drawer. Guys, I found the charger, hooked line sinker. She's seventeen, okay, which is like what you're supposed to do when're seventeen.

No, that's fine.

My mom found the rest of the weekend telling everyone that apparently Grandma had secretly switched from cigarettes to vaping.

Gossip.

Meanwhile, I stood there nodding along like I was hearing this groundbreaking information for the first time.

What a little shit does a little shit. Can you believe it? But I love it.

Unfortunately, my parents threw both the vape and charger into the apartment dumpster, which meant I had to recover the evidence.

This could have ended here.

Yes, that night, I put on my best gloves, fashioned a trash bag into what can only be described as a dumpster diving poncho, and climbed into the dumpster to rescue my vape. I still have it. It's been sitting on my nightstand for the past seven years as a trophy commemorating the greatest cover up of my teenage years.

So it went down like people just believed that.

And that's I'm twenty five now, and as far as I know, no one has ever figured it out.

Hi's see. But I mean then it's almost worse.

It's like she has to play this for them. Yeah, oh, it's ze. Sorry, he has to play this for them? I mean, hell, but so good, It's so good. Every now and then, when my family is all together, I'll casually say, remember when we found out Grandma vapes? Everyone nods, I smile, and absolutely no one suspects a thing. I'd like to think my grandmother would have appreciated the commitment to the bit she had a mischievous streak herself. Stay sexy and don't or do frame your dad grandmother, Zeth.

He I love that story so good.

I also love the idea that maybe he's suggesting that his grandma would.

Have bought into the like Oh, it's fine town, whatever you want, Yeah, yeah, oh yep, that's my babe, that's my vape. No one else did it, and my chargers in the door, Zeth.

You have to play this for your family, like at Christmas. Gather everyone around, everyone around. We'll edit out all the focs in this and such so you can do it at a holiday. Okay, here's my next one.

The subject line is I dated a con artist and it says hello, beautiful people. I was recently talking to a couple of friends and a story I had repressed for a while came up, and I thought, what better way to deal with this than to write into a murder podcast. When I was about nineteen, i'd recently come out of a serious relationship and was pretty naive in the way the world worked. And that's when I met Brad.

He was a very charismatic person, well dressed, full of great stories, Hubris, and he was the king of flattery. He was also a doctor working at a hospital nearby as a surgeon, and we'd often meet after his work, with him still wearing his medical scrubs. Overall, I really liked the guy. You can get scrubs at CVS. Everybody looking back through a couple warning signs that didn't add up, like him living in a tiny house with a roommate he constantly complained about even though he was on a surgeon's salary and should easily be able to move out, Or that he changed his luxury car every couple of weeks without ever worrying about parking fines. I found out a few months into the relationship why this was when

I was awoken at his place one Saturday morning with very loud knocks at the door.

It was a police raid.

I had absolutely no idea what was happening when they took brad away and handcuffs, along with laptops, electronics and documents. As much as I begged the police, they wouldn't tell me anything for privacy reasons. After putting all my detective hat and doing some digging, I realized he wasn't a surgeon.

He wasn't even working at the hospital. The man I'd been dating for months was a con man. His mo was to meet people selling their cars online, dressed as a surgeon.

Give them a ship.

Sorry, it's so good when there's costumes, it's like, yeah, sell it, you gotta sell it. Yeah, anything to make trick people into trusting him. Yeah, give them a check or false proof of payment transfer, and then take their car. He would then sell or swap his the latest vehicle and continue on his way. His charisma would allow him to trick others into handing him large amounts of cash that they would never see again. He was eventually let out on bail and fled across the country, where he did similar things to many others before being caught and sent to prison for a few years. I wanted to just let everyone listening know that this kind of thing can happen to anyone, and then it doesn't make you

stupid or worth less than anyone else. These people are good at what they do, and we can just be more aware and put our stories out there in the hope that it can help others. Thank you for all you do and keeping me sane during trying times, stay sexy and be wary of surgeons.

Callum, be weary of overly flattering people. Like as much as I wish Fince would tell me how great I look every time I dress up, which I have to remind him to do. If you did it, I wouldn't believe him, right, Like, what's wrong? Why are you doing that?

You're like, stop it? What did you do? Yes?

The flattery, And I think the kind of like it's one thing to show up in scrubs because you're just like a surgeon that's working your ass off. But then it's like the cars, it's like the levels. I feel like a lot of time scammers don't know when to stop rite. They don't keep it real.

Yeah, like surgeons let us know, like do you wear your scrubs like on your way home?

Do you love to just meet people at a wine bar in scrubs just to see if people will love it?

It's kind of gross, like the amount of like a biohazard issue old blood.

Yeah, pussy.

If you're a if you're a medical student or a surgeon, and you can tell us about bloody scrub stories, Yeah.

Tell us your best scrub story, tell us.

Your I told you I know, I've told you this is like a twenty sixteen pat story. Yeah, driving to work in her way heights, car accident in front of her on the one on one. Yes, she goes and leans on the thing, and so she gets blood on the front because she's talking to the guy who has a glass in his forehead.

Huh.

And then she turns to walk back to her car with blood on her whites and then a friend of ours from Pedalumho drives by and thinks it's my mom wondering on the side of the broad Just.

A total shit show. So that's the story. Karings gave you a great example.

If you can't beat that, then stay home.

Okay, last episode we had a bunch of good scammer stories and there were so many leftover that I these are We.

Just love that so much. We're so good.

Please send in yours, especially I am enjoying the take home part of this happened to me.

Don't let it happen to you that and also I was the scammer. Those are great, especially if you were like seven years old. Totally exactly.

So, okay, this is called scammer fangirl summer. And this sounds like it would have happened to me when I was nineteen, so I love it.

Hello, Wonderful Ladies and crew.

I listened to the Anna delve episode and heard you asking for more scammer stories, so I figured i'd share mine. Back in twenty fourteen, a young adult me was a huge fan of a pop rock boy band that was starting to get pretty.

Big and then no name.

We have to know, don't be ashamed of loving who could have it?

On twenty fourteen, I wasn't. I don't fucking know a boy band in twenty fourteen, it's got to be a K pop band?

Oh maybe yeah? Were there any I don't know? I mean just continuing to love one direction through chill twenty fourteen.

Could be ye.

None of my friends were into them, so I often went to concerts alone and made friends there, which I love. How I know one girl, let's call her Abby, and I quickly became close. Abby suggested we follow the band's twenty fifteen summer tour through Vegas, San Diego, and La. The deal was that she'd pay for the flights and I'd cover the hotels. The catch she lived in the middle of nowhere, so I had to take a five hour bus ride to her hometown and fly out with her.

No already sketch incorrect. The first half of the trip was great. The second half is when I started noticing Abby's scammer tendencies. She claimed she had lost her only debit cards, so I supposedly needed to cover all our food and gas expenses. That story fell apart when I caught her using the card to buy a drink. She also showed her crazy side by getting obscenely drunk at one of the concerts and started hysterically sobbing that the drummer might be dating a model. Then, on the last day of the trip, she informed me that she couldn't drive me home from the tiny airport we'd fly back into.

There were no buses available for two days back to my home city, so she was stuck in the small town with Abby. Still Fuck yeah, young inexperienced broke from the trip and panicking, I called my dad from our Detroit layover. He booked me a separate flight home from there. The problem was that my checked luggage would continue to Abby's airport. Abby happily offered to pick up my bag and ship it to me. The vibes were terrible, but I didn't have another option when you just want to be home from a trip.

But also, can't the option be that you just have the airline do it for you and just like no one else has.

To touch it?

I think not when you're a kid, you know, can't we go back and fix this luggage issue.

Once we got out? Gets worse.

Once we got home, Abby claimed my luggage had been lost and even gave me a baggage claim number. When I checked with it exactly when I checked with the airline, the claim didn't exist. Airport security and the police got involved, which is so surprising, And sure enough, surveillance footage showed Abby taking my suitcase. She doubled down and claimed she thought it was my bag, then said it turned out not to be and brought it back.

She did not.

Airport security zoomed in on the footage, and my name tag was clearly visible the entire time.

It's the airport's yeah, right, You're not sneaking in and sneaking out and doing your own thing. No.

The police told Abby that if she returned everything to the airport, no charges would be filed. About a week later, I finally got my luggage back, minus a bag I'd bought in LA. At that point, I was willing to eat the hundred dollars loss just to be done with her. Then Abby blocked me and all my friends on social media.

That's how you do it.

When I started warning other fans online, my dms filled up with stories from girls she'd scammed. Once said Abby took her for over one thousand dollars for concert tickets that never existed. The worst was a girl who had originally planned to go with us on the tour. She gave Abby seven hundred dollars for the trip, then backed out.

Abby kept the money that seven hundred dollars it paid for both of our flights. Imagine my guilt when I realized I spent the entire trip on that poor girl's dime. Fast forward to twenty twenty two, I discovered Abby had become a fangirl of another boy band. She was now selling counterfeit merch. Still going scammer strong Wow. Anyway, stay sexy and don't go on trips with crazy de lulu fangirls, especially the ones who genuinely believe they're going to date the drummer.

Anonymous it's so embarrassing to think because when you're drunk, that stuff comes out when you start crying, and you're just like, have you ever done that? You're so shift as you come to and you're like, what am I crying about?

Right now? This is really weird? Yeah, And it's like because the drummer drummer right now where I met is dating a model.

All right, see, uh this is this is kind of random.

But I just really loved it. Okay, I won't read to the subject line.

It says, hello, picture it nineteen eighty seven, downtown Salem, Oregon. The drive through Divorce is open and the sweet chemical smell of Salon perms is.

In the air.

I am one year old, writing in my stroller for another day of errands with my mom and preteen sisters. We enter Nordstrums. Are we here to braws? Cool clothes at the brass Plum? No, the brass Plum. I spent so much time there. No. We turn to the children's shoes section across the aisle. Before you know it, I'm on my feet with a collection of toddlers and a path has been cleared.

A bell rings.

My family is cheering me on and I run as fast as my little chubby legs will go. What could possibly be happening right now? A baby race at the mall? Yes, racially, yeah.

I would fucking I would put money down on that one.

And then it says one that I most definitely did not sign up for. That's right, there's no consent. No, as luck would have it, I won. I left those other babies in my wake, and was awarded a bright white pair of Wii box Ah. And then it says you read that correctly. This concludes my one and only athletic achievement to date. In subsequent years, I found my true calling coloring contests. I didn't have an allowance, so I entered them all winning cookies, gift certificates, one hamster, Wow, and my first real bike. Stay Sexy and collect prizes, Leslie, I know I love it.

PS.

One day I will find an email my second grade essay response to what's your favorite movie? Mine was The Fugitive. I watched it with my parents. I was eight.

But Karen's right, it is a perfect movie. Okay, I'll watch it. Please send us your contest winning stories. As a child, as her mom like obsessed with sending in the you know, there's like I love those people who just win contests, because that's all they fucking do with their free time, is like enter contests.

Or like did you win your school Yeah, regional spelling bee, and.

You're like, mall modeling contest. Anything. We want to know. Love those I want to hear them. Okay, one more.

Okay, this is basically a trash child story. I was a child extortionist. Hey team, So I was about eight years old. My aunt was having a house party, and none of the attendees, including my mother, bothered to get a babysitter. Of course not, there's so many adults there. I pay for a fucking another adult to be there.

Sorry, in the eighties, nineties, the nineties.

So in classic nineties fashion, they sent me and three other children, including my little cousin, to the playroom, declaring that I was the oldest and therefore in charge.

She's eight.

Yeah, I was the high Queen of benevolent Ruler and they were all welcome for being in my cool, big kid presence. I led multiple expedition to spy on the adults before we were chased back into the playroom, and finally we were told that if we didn't stay upstairs, we'd have to go to bed early. That was their ultimate mistake. They let us stay awake. Also, what were they doing down there? Fucking have an adult adult time?

Shit man, whatever it is smoking indoors, bitch. And yeah, there were two bathrooms, one that was only accessible by walking through my aunt and uncle's bedroom and one at the top of the stairs. My six year old cousin and I worked out that only family would use the downstairs bathroom, and therefore they were unlikely to see what we were doing in front of the other. We locked arms and formed a child blockade at the top of the stairs, then waited until all the drunk adults at the party started stumbling up the stairs to try to use the bathroom. They were basically met with the tiniest mob bosses this side of upstate New York. At first, we accepted quarters for bathroom entry, but then one of the adults negotiated four bathroom trips for a whole dollar.

So I'm drunk, fucking dudes, like listen, I don't want it to keep giving you guys quarters.

I'm by myself the night.

Yeah, work got around, but not to our parents and a very sweaty twenty something climbed the stairs slowly holding out of twenty dollars for full access all night.

We were in business. Yeah.

The party went late and the other two kids went home with their parents, so it was just my little cousin and I.

Half asleep at the top of the stairs.

When our parents found out how we had been spending the evening, my aunt had her friend, who had worked out the fore trip deal with us, demand that we give his dollar back.

Fuck that shit, no bear, its weird.

We did, but I guess no one else snitched because we walked.

Away with twenty forty five dollars that night. Jesus.

We had told some of the folks we scammed that we were donating the money to an animal shelter, and after a couple of days of secret candy, we felt guilty enough that we put the rest, about twenty five dollars in the jar at our downtown aspca h love everything you do. Stay sexy and don't just leave your kids to be supervised by an eight year old at a house party, or do and watch them become the mob kate with a.

Sea The amount of times we got locked into another room and then started to play a game that was like basically like climbed the shelves or whatever, like a dangerous, insane game that when the adults would be.

What the hell's going on, you left them alone like that's the other like this isn't on the kids.

Yes, we had at the Anton Giovanni's. There was one time where we they ran along the tops of the of the couches this amazing huge leather sectional and it was like all the kids running to go faster.

You're gonna fall, Oh my god. It was the most funny. Of course, cracked skull, yes right there.

It's like coffee tables everywhere and ship you can fall down on and.

Just like and we're all running as food. So you think you could win today, Yeah, you could win.

You have to really keep your your knees up because the cushion part is different than.

The like righte and just keep going and just keep and look up, don't look down, keep up and just stay positive. Yeah, and that's what we want you to do.

Ban call it. Tell us the insane games.

You played as a kid, and keep stay pot, keep your knees up, and stay positive and stay sex and don't get murdered Geybye, Elvis, Do you want a cookie?

This has been an exactly right production.

Our senior producer is Molly Smith and our associate producer is Tessa Hughes.

Our editor is Aristotle Ascevedo.

This episode was mixed by Leona Squalacci.

Our researchers are Mayor McGlashan and Ali Elkin.

Email your hometowns to My Favorite Murder at gmail.

Dot com and follow the show on Instagram at my Favorite Murder.

Listen to My Favorite Murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

And now you can watch My Favorite Murder on Netflix.

And when you're there, hit the double thumbs up and the remind Me buttons. That's the best way you can support our show. Good Bye,

MFM Minisode 499

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