E412- The Mental Health Crisis Of Owning A Reactive Dog

0:00 [SPEAKER_00]: If you have a reactive dog, you know firsthand how frustrating, aggravating, embarrassing [SPEAKER_00]: and downright emotional it can be. [SPEAKER_00]: Now I've been working with reactive dogs, behavioral issues, aggressive dogs, fearful dogs, nervous dogs, insecure dogs, excited dogs, my entire career.

0:21 [SPEAKER_00]: I've had all of, I've had those dogs as well, growing up and as an adult, big reactive dogs. [SPEAKER_00]: And I know firsthand how much I can weigh on you. [SPEAKER_00]: And what a lot of people don't talk about, which I've been talking a lot about on my Instagram. [SPEAKER_00]: If you don't follow me there, make sure you go and do that at Tom Davis.

0:41 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's something I've been posting regularly, daily, because so many dog owners are... [SPEAKER_00]: really at a loss they don't know what to do they feel like they're at the end of the rope they feel like they've done everything they've taken every course they've done everything that their favorite trainer has said and still nothing has worked and even if you've gone to a trainer some people still don't don't get the results that they are looking for or that they need or that they think that they need.

1:09 [SPEAKER_00]: And what a lot of people don't talk about is just the reality of you may not have anything to do or anything to say with your dog's reactivity. [SPEAKER_00]: A lot of dogs that are reactive for my experience have been reactive because of past events, getting attacked as a puppy, the awfully strong running up, etc.

1:40 [SPEAKER_00]: Or the dogs' genetics. [SPEAKER_00]: And so I've obviously been talking about genetics for a very long time, but not in the context of the emotional and mental state of mind and the mental health of a reactive dog owner. [SPEAKER_00]: Because like I said, I know first, I mean, I can't stress enough how many dogs I've put the leash in my hand that have wanted to kill me.

2:04 [SPEAKER_00]: One of the hurt me has hurt me and I know first hand how much that does to not only your mental health, but your nervous system. [SPEAKER_00]: It really shapes your life in some ways, when you walk, how you walk, where you walk, who you walk with, who you avoid, what yards you avoid, and I only think it's talked about enough.

2:29 [SPEAKER_00]: I think a lot of people, including myself, share a lot about here's how to fix it, here's how to stop it, here's how to prevent it, here's how to reduce it, here's how that's why it's happening. [SPEAKER_00]: But what I've really been talking about this last probably six months, again, particularly on my Instagram, is what it does to the mental health of the human who walks the dog.

2:52 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think more importantly, the genetics of the dog may be the reason why this is happening. [SPEAKER_00]: And so it's really important for us to understand as dog owners who have reactive dogs that sometimes you can't control your dog's temperament. [SPEAKER_00]: You can't predict it.

3:11 [SPEAKER_00]: You can't. [SPEAKER_00]: Make sure it is shaped and molded and Comes out the way that you want it to you could try everything that you can and you could do all the right things But at the end of the day, there's still no guarantee that your dog is gonna end up the way that you want them to end up that it's not even about the way that you want them to end up But they're gonna end up in a way that they're not gonna be reactive.

3:37 [SPEAKER_00]: They're not gonna cause your life's stressful They're not gonna be a danger. [SPEAKER_00]: They're not gonna be a threat. [SPEAKER_00]: They're not gonna be fearful, etc [SPEAKER_00]: It's a lot like raising children. [SPEAKER_00]: You know, our jobs as parents owning two young kids myself is to do the best you can.

3:51 [SPEAKER_00]: And at the end of the day, when they turn 18, if they want to go out and do things that you don't necessarily want them to do, there's nothing you could do. [SPEAKER_00]: You know, and they make bad decisions or whatever. [SPEAKER_00]: It's very, very similar to dogs. [SPEAKER_00]: Like we can only do so much.

4:07 [SPEAKER_00]: But at the end of the day, that dog is who they are. [SPEAKER_00]: So yes, we can go out and get a dog that has good breeding standards from a good breeder and what I mean good, you know, they have good health, they have good temperaments. [SPEAKER_00]: Mom and dad, if had good temperaments, great grandparents, grandparents, cousins, brother, sisters, all the dogs have great temperaments.

4:29 [SPEAKER_00]: None of them have been returned for being aggressive on warranted. [SPEAKER_00]: None of them have been returned for being unstable. [SPEAKER_00]: and but at the end of the day is a crapshoot you never know what you're going to get. [SPEAKER_00]: I've had dogs personally that I've spent a little bit of money on a breeder and I've spent a lot of money on a breeder and I've had many dogs from different breeders that do not turn out the way that they're supposed to and obviously being a professional dog trainer [SPEAKER_00]: I can do only so much, right?

5:00 [SPEAKER_00]: But I can't always tell that fish not to swim. [SPEAKER_00]: If you have a dog that doesn't like other people and on paper and in your goals was to have a dog that is supposed to be neutral around the people they don't, two things. [SPEAKER_00]: There may not be anything you could do about it likely.

5:22 [SPEAKER_00]: And all of the work that you've done [SPEAKER_00]: may not help shape that dog. [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, if you go out and get a dog that turns nasty towards strangers, but they have good obedience, absolutely your life, your dog's life, and your community, and the people around you are a hundred times safer than if you were to have a dog that doesn't like other people and you have no control for sure.

5:47 [SPEAKER_00]: But again, like going out with one of those dogs, [SPEAKER_00]: think, what am I doing wrong? [SPEAKER_00]: I've put in so much time, I've put in so much effort. [SPEAKER_00]: I did all the things, socialization, training, but my dog still doesn't like other dogs react towards other dogs, reacts towards people.

6:13 [SPEAKER_00]: Let me be clear. [SPEAKER_00]: There are some dogs who were born that way. [SPEAKER_00]: their temperament is that way. [SPEAKER_00]: I have a client. [SPEAKER_00]: His name is Daniel Arsham. [SPEAKER_00]: He's a, I think what they call a contemporary artist. [SPEAKER_00]: And he's an incredible artist.

6:31 [SPEAKER_00]: And I worked with him in his wife with their dog Luna. [SPEAKER_00]: This is an example. [SPEAKER_00]: Um, their dog Luna is a Cocker Spaniel. [SPEAKER_00]: They jump through hoops, they went to, I think, France to visit a friend and that friend had a Cocker Spaniel that they fell in love with, I said, before they even got the dog, they were reaching out to me for training, which is great.

6:55 [SPEAKER_00]: Not many people do that, and they said, we just love this Cocker Spaniel dog from France, and we plan on getting a puppy. [SPEAKER_00]: I said, what makes you like the dog? [SPEAKER_00]: They're like, there's just, she's so chill, she's so cool, she's so calm, she's so relaxed, aka her temperament.

7:10 [SPEAKER_00]: So the dog's temperament was what they wanted. [SPEAKER_00]: They wanted a chill, relaxed dog that was still a dog, but not crazy, right? [SPEAKER_00]: Not like a border collar or something. [SPEAKER_00]: And so they got that dog and ended up working with that dog and I've worked with that dog in different countries, traveling, doing that.

7:26 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's a brilliant dog. [SPEAKER_00]: and I understand fully why they jumped through hoops to get that dog. [SPEAKER_00]: I would want that dog. [SPEAKER_00]: That's a dog. [SPEAKER_00]: I would love to have in my life with my family. [SPEAKER_00]: It's just an awesome dog. [SPEAKER_00]: You guys probably have had them and your lifetime.

7:42 [SPEAKER_00]: You know somebody who has them and maybe you have them right now and you're going to have them in the future. [SPEAKER_00]: But there's no guarantee when you get a dog, you can't put into that computer of that mom and say, I'm looking for a dog that doesn't care about other dogs, ignores people and likes long walks on the beach.

8:00 [SPEAKER_00]: If you get a dog that's reactive, you can still do everything right and have a reactive dog. [SPEAKER_00]: like period. [SPEAKER_00]: And I think once dog owners, or somebody watching this, you, or listening to this, you understand, you could be a great trainer, you could be a great dog owner, and still have a reactive dog.

8:22 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like parents who have, they're really great parents and for some reason their kids still ends up in trouble. [SPEAKER_00]: What went wrong? [SPEAKER_00]: Genetics, DNA, wiring, the law. [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I'm not saying that imprinting development, shaping, molding, early on training, early on socialization.

8:40 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not saying those things don't help because of course they do. [SPEAKER_00]: But at the end of the day, once your dog kind of makes that turn towards a certain temperament, towards a certain thing, you can only manage it. [SPEAKER_00]: So what I'm saying is, is I deal with a lot of management, you know, two dogs finding in the house, two dogs who don't like each other.

9:00 [SPEAKER_00]: You guys hear this on this podcast all the time. [SPEAKER_00]: Tom, how do I get my dogs to like each other again when they were puppies? [SPEAKER_00]: You can't. [SPEAKER_00]: They don't like each other. [SPEAKER_00]: Manage it. [SPEAKER_00]: And that's where training comes in significantly.

9:11 [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm not trying to say that if you have a dog that doesn't like people, you shouldn't train or you shouldn't take the courses or you shouldn't do this or that. [SPEAKER_00]: What I am saying is, is there's not much that you can do and you need to be easier on [SPEAKER_00]: You need to give yourself more empathy, you need to give yourself more grace.

9:30 [SPEAKER_00]: Because I just think that every dog owner who has a reactive dogs thinks they're doing something wrong. [SPEAKER_00]: Now, don't get me wrong. [SPEAKER_00]: You guys have watched my YouTube videos, you've probably heard my podcast where that definitely does play a role. [SPEAKER_00]: 100% people who are talking to their dog, baby in their dog, not letting their dogs be dogs, letting them pull them around town, putting them on harnesses, let them do what they want, giving them too much freedom, absolutely that can create an insecure mess of a dog that could have been not.

9:59 [SPEAKER_00]: because of the owner. [SPEAKER_00]: And I would actually say, that's more likely. [SPEAKER_00]: Like I would say, it's probably a 70, 30 or 80, 20 split, where most people do create dogs who are not from the live with or reactive. [SPEAKER_00]: They create that. [SPEAKER_00]: That's why I have such great success working with reactive dogs is because it's not the actual dog.

10:19 [SPEAKER_00]: It's the person. [SPEAKER_00]: So once we start changing the person, we get a different outcome. [SPEAKER_00]: That's really simple. [SPEAKER_00]: It's like somebody really overweight who's eating junk food all day. [SPEAKER_00]: That's easy to make changes. [SPEAKER_00]: But you have to do it and you have to put in the discipline and you have to put in the hard work.

10:34 [SPEAKER_00]: But again, when you have a dog that has the predisposition baked into them that they don't like other dogs or they don't like other people, there's nothing that you can do to change that. [SPEAKER_00]: There's everything in the world you could do to manage it. [SPEAKER_00]: to make your life less stressful, to make your life more enjoyable for you and your dog.

10:53 [SPEAKER_00]: So that's what I wanted to make this podcast and video about because [SPEAKER_00]: I just find so many dog owners are in a really tough place mentally because A, it's hard to have it in a reactive dog, it's hard to own, I've owned them a long time, I'm with you. [SPEAKER_00]: That's why I do what I do, but B, they also feel like it's their fault when in most cases with really reactive dogs, it's not.

11:18 [SPEAKER_00]: that's how your dog is. [SPEAKER_00]: And once you stop chasing that tail, I'm trying to fix it, get rid of it or stop it, you become happier because you realize that, you know, what? [SPEAKER_00]: This is just my dog. [SPEAKER_00]: Here's the things I need to do to make my life safer, better, less stressed.

11:34 [SPEAKER_00]: Once you start doing that, life will change for you. [SPEAKER_00]: So it's really important, guys. [SPEAKER_00]: And I've been doing this thing on my sub-stack where I've been doing voice notes a couple times a week. [SPEAKER_00]: So anytime I'm out and I have an idea. [SPEAKER_00]: So in my studio, if you're listening and if you're watching on YouTube or on Spotify, my desk is filled with hard drives and microphones and chords and it's kind of a mess, I guess, but.

12:05 [SPEAKER_00]: When I don't, I'm always thinking of things I can tell people in different ways and different messaging. [SPEAKER_00]: And when I'm out, and I don't have a moment to film or pop up my phone on Instagram or something, that's what the sub-stack is. [SPEAKER_00]: And that's honestly where a lot of my really in my opinion profound things come in is when I don't have time to put them down.

12:26 [SPEAKER_00]: They pop up in my head and go, oh, that's a great way to say that, or that's going to be really helpful. [SPEAKER_00]: So you guys should check out my sub-stack link in the description. [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I'm posting there like I said, voice notes exclusively multiple times a week.

12:39 [SPEAKER_00]: So hopefully this was helpful for you guys. [SPEAKER_00]: And I really, holy, believe, wholeheartedly believe that if you do have a reactive dog, [SPEAKER_00]: Things can get better. [SPEAKER_00]: But just know that it may not be your fault and you are doing all the right things. [SPEAKER_00]: And there are dogs out there that you can't stop.

13:00 [SPEAKER_00]: Ever. [SPEAKER_00]: So hopefully this is helpful. [SPEAKER_00]: Subscribe to my second channel. [SPEAKER_00]: No bad dogs podcast on YouTube. [SPEAKER_00]: Hit that follow button on Spotify or however you're listening to this on podcast. [SPEAKER_00]: Talk to you guys in the next one. [SPEAKER_00]: Peace out.