How to Be Real in a Fake World

When I was a kid, I loved Halloween—I mean who doesn’t love candy and dressing up for a night? It turns out, October 31 is not the only day we wear a disguise. Today, I’m talking about the masks we wear the other 364 days of the year.
In this episode of Office Hours, I explore the psychology behind why we wear masks in our daily lives and the emotional cost of hiding our feelings. More importantly, I share three ways we can take off the mask and live more honestly, so that we can give and receive the love we need most.
***
Are you interested in helping others through the science of happiness? I have a new three-day program—learn more here (arthurbrooks.com/happiness-scale-certification).
—
Brought to you by:
• LMNT (drinklmnt.com/Arthur)—A science-backed electrolyte drink mix that helps you feel and perform your best, without sugar, artificial ingredients, or gimmicks. Get a free sample pack at DrinkLMNT.com/Arthur (drinklmnt.com/Arthur)
—
Where to find Arthur Brooks:
• Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠arthurbrooks.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠… (arthurbrooks.com)
• In-person Retreats: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠retreats.arthurbrooks.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (retreats.arthurbrooks.com)
• Newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠arthurbrooks.com/newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠… (arthurbrooks.com/newsletter)
• X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠x.com/arthurbrooks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠… (x.com/arthurbrooks)
• Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠instagram.com/arthurcbrooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠… (instagram.com/arthurcbrooks)
• Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠facebook.com/ArthurBrooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠… (facebook.com/ArthurBrooks)
• YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/channel/UCGuyFRjJQFGCKzfHTBvWM6A⁠⁠… (youtube.com/channel/UCGuyFRjJQFGCKzfHTBvWM6A)
• LinkedIn: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠… (linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks)
• Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠officehours@arthurbrooks.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
—
Timestamps:
(00:00) Intro
(12:17) Activation vs. inhibition
(14:22) When masking becomes a problem
(25:10) Why honesty matters more than avoiding conflict
(27:48) #1. Take a break from yourself
(31:19) #2. Take your mask off around loved ones
(34:07) #3. Make sure you like what’s behind the mask
(37:29) Q&A: The difference between satisfaction and happiness
(38:59) Q&A: Coping with disappointment
(41:07) Q&A: Reconciling belief in God with suffering
—
Referenced:
• The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness:themeaningofyourlife.com/http://themeaningofyo…
• Arthur’s newsletter:arthurbrooks.com/newsletter
• The Happiness Scale:learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale
• The Pursuit of Happiness with Arthur Brooks:thefp.com/s/the-pursuit-of-happiness-with-arthur
• Maskenfreiheit: dwds.de/wb/Maskenfreiheit
• Develop Authenticity: 20 Ways to Be a More Authentic Person: psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-for-hap…
• George F. Will: washingtonpost.com/people/george-f-will
• Pan Am Smile: talkspace.com/blog/the-7-types-of-smiles-and-h…
• Not all smiles are created equal: the differences between enjoyment and nonenjoyment smiles: degruyterbrill.com/document/doi/10.1515/humr.1…
• Smiling with Your Eyes: What Exactly Is a Duchenne Smile?: healthline.com/health/duchenne-smile
• Cultural differences in the production of emotional facial expressions: a review: frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/1…
• ...References continued at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠arthurbrooks.com/office-hours⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠… (arthurbrooks.com/office-hours)