Sports Parents Have Lost The Plot & Ending A Friendship Over Wet Wipes

0:02 Welcome to Parenting Out Loud, the podcast of parents who don't always listen to parenting podcasts. We read everything and watch everything and then bring it to you on a platter because God knows you do not have time. So if you need the news and the culture and the trends, that's what we're here for. I'm Monique Bowley.

0:18 I'm Amelia Laster. And I'm Stacey Hicks. And guys, confirmed, we do have a lot of listeners in Brisbane. We spoke about Brisbane on the pod last week and they flooded the comments. So thank you to all the Brizzy listeners. That was lovely.

0:31 When are we going? We need to go. I don't know. ASAP.

0:34 We're going to make it happen.

0:35 Yeah, absolutely. Great.

0:37 Mums trip and all the Pout Louders are invited. So coming up on today's show, can you end a friendship over a packet of wet wipes? There's a woman that's actually making me think maybe yes. And a Saturday sports mystery caught on camera has viewers around the world divided.

0:53 Could you describe your kid in three words or would you outsource it to a chat bot? But first, but first, happy Halloween, guys. Thanks for dressing up as a witch, Amelia. You look beautiful. If your kids are heading out trick-or-treating tonight and you're worried about the piles and piles of lollies that will come home inevitably, there's a new Halloween tradition that I need to get you across. It's called the Switch Witch. Have you heard of this?

1:22 No.

1:22 No, but please don't call it a tradition when it's new.

1:27 Okay. It's a bit like the Tooth Fairy but for lollies. So here's how it works. Your kids go trick-or-treating. They gather a large haul of lollies. You bring them home and tip them out. They're allowed to choose a small handful and then the rest of the lollies go outside on the front porch or whatever. And then the switch witch comes along in the night and takes the giant stash of lollies and replaces it with a toy or a book. Perhaps Sarah Wilson's I Quit Sugar. I don't know.

1:59 But yeah, that's the idea. And a lot of parents are doing this.

2:02 I hate this so very much. Allow me to explain. I don't want to buy more toys. I don't want more plastic in my life. I would rather the kids eat sugar. Is it so bad?

2:16 I don't want another fictional character visiting my house in the night.

2:20 That's another good point too.

2:21 I don't want a character visiting my house in the night. Not a fictional, very real switch witch coming into my house. I also have an efficient way of getting rid of those extra lollies. I will eat them. And that is the parent tax. And that's what they need to learn. Yeah.

2:36 The switch witch is your mouth. Yeah, exactly.

2:39 I'm taking them and I'm enjoying them.

2:41 Mons, where do you stand on this?

2:43 Oh, God. Have at it. It's one night of the year. Who cares?

2:48 Yeah, I agree.

2:49 And I tell them, make sure you get the mini Kit Kats because they're the ones that I like.

2:52 Because you're an elf household, correct? An elf on the shelf.

2:56 Absolutely. We were bestowed an elf upon us.

2:59 No, no, I'm not.

3:00 No. Because I'm just developing a working theory that if you're a switch witch household, you're probably also an elf on the shelf household. Yeah.

3:08 Amazing high effort mums, but not for me.

3:10 No, thank you.

3:11 Another quick in case you missed it. Could you describe your kid in three words?

3:17 Apparently, the American tech executive, Marissa Mayer, was unable to do that late last year when she was asked by her child's teacher on the occasion of her child's 10th birthday to summarise what made her daughter special. Now, Maya is a big deal. She was the first female engineer at Google. She is a former CEO of Yahoo. She is a woman who has scaled professional mountains, and she has made $ 1. 4 billion doing so. Now, who am I to say that Marissa Maya can or can't do something?

3:51 And yet, this ask from her teacher apparently felt overwhelming. In a New York Times article, which everyone in my group chats was sharing and poring over this week, Maya says that she asked her personal AI assistant, Dazzle, to summarize what made her daughter special. And within a few seconds, Dazzle delivered an answer. Maya said it came back and was like, your daughter is empathetic, creative, and an animal lover.

4:16 And Maya thought that was just perfect. Now, please keep in mind that the reason why Marissa Mayer was talking to the New York Times about all of this is because she has a new AI tool she is spruiking, and she hopes that it will lighten the mental load for mothers in particular. She calls it an AI wife.

4:33 She's used it to plan a family trip to Venice, settle on a theme for her kid's birthday party, which was glow in the dark pool party, which I would argue is mixing metaphors, but setting that aside. And even to pick her Halloween costume, which was a dress shaped like a cake. Stacey, is this outsourcing of a parent's mental load appealing to you?

4:57 Look, there's a lot of things I'd love AI to do for me. Ironing being one of them. Lots of things that I wouldn't want to do. I think I could figure out three things about my kid that made her special. And I think I'd make them more creative than an animal lover.

5:12 Does that make someone creative?

5:13 Like I would have gone back with feedback to my AI robot if they were the three things that spat out.

5:18 Also, how does her AI know her daughter that well?

5:20 That's my other question. Yeah. I mean, this does describe every 10 year old, right? Like most of them are these things. Yeah.

5:27 Most of them are fairly creative. Mons, how did you feel when you read this? Yeah.

5:32 There's something about this story that's bothering me. And Because of course we all saw it and scoffed and we sort of thought, what kind of mother can't even summon up three words to describe her child? And the response was very brutal online to the point where she then went on X to defend it. And I don't know if you saw this, but she said, hey, there's a little bit more context to this story. She has twins and people find it difficult to tell them apart. And so she had this early prototype of her AI tool and she wanted to test its limits to see if the AI could tell her twins apart. And she thought it would struggle. So that's why she asked it this question.

6:12 She was testing the prototype. Now, that is the context that was missing from this paragraph in the New York Times, because that's not nearly as interesting as painting a woman as a failing mother, right? And I think that's really interesting to me. Why did The New York Times choose to open with that anecdote? It feels wildly loaded to me.

6:34 It feels wildly gendered to me. And it kind of feels like The New York Times dog dare.

6:38 Mons, I could not disagree with you more.

6:41 Why?

6:42 Because that's not useful context. She's trying to sell a product here. She is trying to sell an AI product. We're not even going to get into the fact that AI is built on stolen labor. Let's just focus on the fact that she is using the New York Times for her own ends, which is to get her AI product in front of women who will then use it and pay her money. So if the New York Times wants to pick the most salacious lead for the story and then give her all this publicity while doing it, I think both sides are playing a game there. And I think that's fine.

7:15 Yeah, it does feel like they actually both won out of this. But I agree with you, Mons. They totally have hung her out to dry in a way that they knew would get attention. But in a way, that has meant that dazzle is on everyone's lips. Like everyone has talked about this.

7:30 My AI, if I asked my AI, which I don't have, it described my child in three words, my AI would say, I don't know your child. Sorry, I can't do it. The fact remains that her AI knew enough about her kids to describe them and to distinguish between her twins. That's her telling on herself. Yeah. Okay.

7:49 We'll give you that.

7:51 It's the Saturday sport video which has sparked outrage around the world. Florida parents say police called to three-year-old soccer game because kid was too good, was the headline I saw this last weekend, accompanying a video of a boy dribbling the soccer ball up the field, effortlessly dodging the other pint-sized players and kicking it into the net again and again. Stacey, you saw this, didn't you? It was incredible. Yeah.

8:17 He was absolutely dominating. I was like, wow, how great is this? Yeah.

8:21 The video has now been viewed millions of times on TikTok after it was first posted last weekend. And I'd say that the soccer skills of this three-year-old alone would probably have ensured its virality. But it's also what happened next that really catapulted it into conversation because the idea that the police were called because a three-year-old was too good at soccer and understandably made a lot of people very upset. Even the children's entertainer, Miss Rachel, she weighed in and she said, this is racist, sick, traumatizing, and disgusting. Now, what actually happened is in a bit of dispute, but here's what we know about the situation. The soccer star at the center of this video is Nevada. He is

9:03 three years old and he is black. The police were in fact called to the soccer game and they confirmed to news media that a league official requested response to a disturbance between league officials and the parents of a player. Another thing we know for sure, Nevada's parents have a sizable TikTok following, which is documenting Nevada's skills on the soccer field. The parents told police that they were upset about the fact that Nevada had been pulled off the field because he was too good for the other players.

9:34 And the league officials said that the parents were being unruly, they were calling him names, and they were being disruptive.

9:40 As in the other parents, like other children's parents were being disruptive or his parents?

9:44 No, Nevada's parents. Yeah, okay. Now, our promise is that we bring you stuff about parenting that is everywhere. And this video is indisputably everywhere. That said, sadly, we are not detectives. Unlike with Oreo Gate, which we arguably blew open. or Stacey arguably blew open as possibly an ad for another AI tool. We can't get to the bottom of what happened on that Florida soccer field, but regardless of the details, I think the reason why everyone's talking about this and why it's gone so viral is because it's hit a nerve around kids' sport and the fact that we have all gotten crazy about kids' sport. The question is why. Mons, what do you think?

10:28 I guess what struck me about this story and why Yeah. As you said, Amelia, we don't know what happens, but it does not sound logical. If you call 911 and say, help, there's a three-year-old who's really, really good at soccer. They're not going to send the police. So there is all this speculation that something else is happening. But what struck me was that while this little boy now.

10:51 That's like when I try and call the Wambulance and the Wambulance doesn't show up, which is irritating.

10:56 So unreliable.

10:57 I pay taxes.

10:58 I guess what struck me is that the other three-year-olds in this recreational league- are completely irrelevant to the story. And that sums up sport in 2026. No one cares about the ordinary kids. And this is a huge problem. And while the spotlight is on Nevada, and it should be, he's a spectacular player, I'm here to say the ordinary kids and the recreational leagues are what sport needs right now.

11:27 We have stopped looking at children's sport holistically. We have become so obsessed with performance and who's the best player and who's the next superstar and who's scoring the most goals that we've forgotten what sport actually gives kids. And I say this as someone who played elite sport and now coaches little kids. And I guarantee you, if you ask any athlete or sports person, what's the most important thing you learned when you were playing sport, it will have nothing to do with winning. or the scoreboard or that game where they kicked 14 points.

12:00 But without winning mons, like I'm famously unsporty. I'm not a sporty person. So maybe this is lost on me.

12:06 You were a.

12:07 Golfer, Stacey, and you need to own that and be proud. Yes, I learned golf for a solid year and a half. I think that's the extent of my sporting prowess. But without winning, how do children learn resilience and how do they learn that people are going to be better at things? Like, how do they earn that feeling of elation when they win? Like, it does feel like winning is very important to the game, right?

12:30 Or put another way, isn't the idea of sort of dispensing with winning as important, leading us down the road of participation trophies for everyone? Mm-hmm.

12:39 No, I don't think so. And winning is important, but it's not the only thing. And that's where we fall into this trap of always looking at winning and losing when you play sport as the only measure and the only marker of success, where we know that what sport does is it just teaches you about life. It teaches you how to be part of a team. Like I teach, I coach six, 78 year old girls in a proper, proper district program. And I don't care about who is the most talented player. And I don't care what the scoreboard says. I don't care if we win games. I think Can you be a good teammate? Can you follow instructions?

13:16 Can you always try your best? And can you show up and show respect to referees and the other players and your teammates and always have a go even when something feels really hard? That is what you get from sport.

13:30 But you don't care, Mons, and that is amazing that you don't. But the problem seems to be that the parents very much do.

13:37 I actually think that we need to move the spotlight here away from the kids. to the millennial parents who seem to have not internalised these lessons, who are shouting at each other off the field, who are calling the police on each other. What is it about us? Do you think that parents these days are more overly invested in the outcome of their kids' sporting matches than they were, say, when you were growing up?

14:05 Yeah, there is an intensity to it that has surprised me. I guess it's the same discussion that we have, Amelia, around private schools as well, that you feel you're paying for a service and you want to get the most maximum value out of that service. And I also think the winning equation and the performance equation is about age and stage. I think winning becomes important once you're on the sort of pathway or you're further down the track of playing. But right now, we need to create environments where kids enjoy sport and they like to move their bodies.

14:41 And this focus on performance and winning is not it.

14:45 I wonder whether this happens partly because for parents, it's something where they kind of get glory by proxy. Like if their child is very good at sport, whether maybe they didn't fulfill that dream themselves or whether they did and they want their child to follow in their footsteps, it is one of those things where people will think that you're impressive if your.

15:06 Child is impressive.

15:07 Like we do, like looking at Nevada, I'm like, oh my gosh, that family, like they must have fostered that talent. They must be working with him. Like it does reflect on you. It's a bit of a halo effect if your child does well at sport, especially in Australian culture. Sport is seen as the pinnacle. So I do wonder whether this is partly like parents projecting onto the kids.

15:27 I also think that I think that that's absolutely part of it. But I also think there's something very distinct to our times and the times that we are parenting in that is leading to this behaviour from parents. And I think it's to do with this general undercurrent of anxiety that we all have. where the future feels really uncertain for us. We talk about that on the show a lot. We don't really know how to set our children up for success. In the past, the pathway to quote unquote success was clearer. You would have a child who became a lawyer or a doctor, but now podcasters can be really successful. So it's really unclear how you raise children that are future-proof. And it seems like As parents,

16:12 we're kind of clinging to sport and physical endeavor as kind of the last tangible pathway to achievement and success when all the other ones like university have been taken away or now seem nebulous.

16:26 Yeah.

16:26 Yeah.

16:27 It's also, I mean, it depends on how deep you want to go with this, but I think it also speaks to the rise of individualism. We now, sometimes what's best for the team isn't always what's best for your kid. And that's very unpalatable to parents now. Everyone wants their kid to be number one.

16:44 Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Because we always say, you know, winning isn't everything, but then when you're watching your child lose or your child be sidelined for someone else's child, yeah. I think what people say and what they actually do in the moment can be very different. Like it is hard to swallow if your kid is kind of sidelined for someone else to be the superstar.

17:03 I had a really good mentor say to me, so I have to acknowledge like when I first watched my kids play basketball and I played at a very high level and then I watched them and I had to really be careful about what I said because there was a lot of forgetting which way they were going and not being engaged in the sport, in the game whatsoever.

17:25 And I said to a really good friend of mine, what do I say after the game? To a child who did cartwheels on the court, you know, what do you say? And she said, all you need to say is, did you have fun? And I love watching you play. They are the two things that should come out of a parent's mouth when they're watching the kid at sport.

17:47 They're the only two things.

17:48 That's great. Love that. And I think Nevada was having the best time and his parents loved watching him play. So I think we'll see a lot more of that. Now, I have a question. If you were out on a play date with some friends and they, you know, forgot the wet wipes or they forgot a packet of chips or they needed some sunscreen, whatever, how do you feel about lending that to them?

18:09 I'm the one borrowing it.

18:10 Yeah, okay.

18:11 Yeah, fine. And Mons is absolutely fine doing it. And, of course, I'm imagining everyone who's listening or watching is saying, yeah, that's fine because they're all brilliant people and they would do that too. But what if you had to do that every time you hung out with the same friend for 12 years? Are you feeling less generous? 12 years.

18:27 12 years.

18:29 Are you feeling less generous, Monique Bully?

18:32 I'm probably saying yes. time to get your shit together.

18:35 Yeah exactly exactly so this is a dilemma that got posted on mumsnet this week because a woman is saying that her friend of 30 years is quite frankly taking the complete piss now that they have children so for the purposes of this chat let's call her helen Helen says that she is starting to resent her friend, let's call her Jessica, because of their different parenting styles. So this is what she said.' If we're out, I have the snacks, spare clothes, baby wipes. She's much more laid back and go with the flow. The issue is her kids need things too, and so she is just increasingly using my stuff. We go to the beach, she doesn't bring anything for her kids, so they take my kids' toys.

19:14 We went to the cinema, she doesn't buy them any snacks, so my children share theirs.' And she says that this friend is not struggling. She has a nice car, a nice house. It's nothing to do with that. She said she reminds her and then she'll say she just forgot or ran out of time. Now it has come to a breaking point and it involves sparklers, okay? They are going to a bonfire night and everyone takes sparklers for their children. And she knows that Jessica is going to forget.

19:43 She's reminded her, but she is saying now, she just knows in her gut that she's not going to bring any with her. And she's like, am I being unreasonable to take a step back from this friend if she doesn't bring sparklers this year? I can't say no to her kids, that's punishing them for her mistakes and that feels cruel, but it's something that's really upsetting me and now I've realised that it's happening. Should she cut off Jessica? Mons?

20:08 Um... I think Helen sounds fucking tired. She's got like caregiver burnout, right? It's that feeling of I am carrying everyone and now I have to carry you too and I'm tired, boss. But I also think there is an element here of some women find a lot of validation in in being the competent one in a friendship. Like it feels like maybe the reason they were attracted to each other as friends in the first place is because Helen's kind of like A-type, maybe super organised, and her friend Jessica is like a fun-time gal who's super spontaneous.

20:49 And it just now feels like A, the stakes are higher because there's children involved, but B, sometimes you just grow a bit and the thing that drew you to someone is the thing that starts to give you the shits about someone.

21:00 Yeah, well, I think nothing holds up a mirror to your friendship like motherhood. Like, I think you can be drawn to someone and then be very different than you and do things that might irritate you as a parent, but they don't when you're friends. Like, it doesn't affect you in the same way, so you can just enjoy their friendship.

21:17 That's so true, and that was so psychologically astute, Mons. I have a bit more of a sort of practical take on it, which is I don't think all friendships before kids can survive... after kids in exactly the same way. So what I mean by that is sometimes you have a great friend from before kids who you just need to keep hanging out with without your kids there. I know you both have kids and I know that when you were both first pregnant, you thought it would be so great if your kids could hang out together and you imagined how wonderful that would be in your mind's eye.

21:51 But sometimes that just puts too much strain and pressure on the friendship. And You just have to accept that and go back to hanging out together without your children.

22:01 Yeah.

22:02 Yeah.

22:02 I mean, that's it. I have friends that I always hang out with, with our children and friends that I hang out with almost never with our children. And one's not better than the other.

22:10 You're right.

22:10 You just get different things from different friendships.

22:13 And it's because while you're compatible as friends... you may have drastically different philosophies of parenting. I can think of multiple instances in my social circle of someone who I love to bits, but who parents in a fundamentally different way to me. And I don't think it's better or worse. It's just very different. It's very at loggerheads with how I parent.

22:37 Well, there's so many more ways to be at loggerheads now too. Like I feel like now- parenting so much more active you're so much more involved in it rather than just like sending them off yes that there are more ways to realize that you know one person's a yeller and one person speaks calmly or one person doesn't allow sugar and one person's like yeah have at it have five ice blocks in one day like it it really can mean that the the chasm between you is huge when there's kids involved.

23:02 And respectfully helen i understand that she's tired and i agree with you mons she Helen's holding up a lot. She's like that character in Encanto who sings under pressure.

23:12 Yes, Louisa.

23:12 No, the other one.

23:13 She's the one holding up mountains in Encanto. Yes. But Helen, the way you parent is not necessarily better than the way that Jessica parents. You bring up the example of going to the cinema. She didn't bring or buy snacks so her kids share mine.

23:29 Yes, newsflash.

23:30 If a kid sees a snack, they will want some of that snack. But maybe when Jessica normally goes to the movies with her kids, they don't have any snacks, which, by the way, is fine. A movie's 90 minutes to two hours. Your kids can survive without a snack.

23:44 Well, the problem here is that Jessica knows she has Helen as the safety blanket, and that's the thing. She knows that Helen's going to rock up with everything she needs, so she's not putting it in.

23:55 But Helen's reinforcing the boundary. Helen's like... What's that thing in psychology where you keep doing it so nothing ever changes?

24:03 Yes. Yeah, exactly.

24:04 That's what I mean. She knows she'll be there for her and have all of the things. So why would she bother?

24:09 But another spin on that is not that she knows that Helen's going to bring the snacks. It's that for Jessica, it's not important to bring snacks to the movies. The fact that Helen brings snacks and children will suss out snacks in any situation doesn't mean that Jessica's passing the buck to Helen.

24:25 I just think I know what the crux of the problem is here for Helen. And I think it's that she feels like she's been taken for granted. And I think that's the thing that upsets anyone is in your friendship when you're like, It's not necessarily about the sparklers. Like that part is not the final straw. It's that time and time again, you've gone, oh, it's fine. I'll just use her stuff. I don't need to worry about this.

24:46 And that probably feels very much like she's being used.

24:50 It does. But if you want to change the situation, you have to change the situation. Stop hanging out with the kids. That's the only way forward.

24:58 I'm just a better out than in person in that I would definitely say this to my friend. Would you? I actually would. Like I know I'm a peacemaker in a lot of ways, but with friendships and in relationships, it will fester. I am not a good person at holding it in.

25:12 But tell me how you would phrase it.

25:14 I think I would.

25:14 We're doing like it's like a Dr. Phil script.

25:16 Okay, all right. Just role play it. Okay, we've been at the beach. You and me, Stacey, have been friends for 30 years. I keep taking advantage of you.

25:23 Go. I think I would say, hey, I've sorted the sparklers for Saturday because I know that things get on top of you, that you forget. I've got them. But I want you to know that I've started to feel like this is happening a lot where I'm kind of covering everything. And I was hoping that next time you can take care of everything. Maybe we can try one time where you just bring everything and I won't bring anything.

25:44 I'm not going to do that. I love that you do that. I love that you take care of everything. I love it so much. Thank you. I'm not going to do that.

25:52 Stacey, is that a text or is that in person that you're saying that?

25:55 Oh, in person. Well, probably on the phone because I'm a chicken. I'd probably say it on the phone, but I would speak to them about it.

26:00 Okay, so that's your solution. I told you mine. Mums, what's your solution?

26:03 I would slow fade out. I would go. I would not.

26:06 Of the whole friendship.

26:08 Yeah. You'd just never see her again. Yep.

26:10 Yep.

26:10 I'm a chicken shit.

26:11 Yeah. That's the Adelaide way. Sorry, Jessica, we're busy.

26:15 Well, pick your poison, Helen.

26:17 You've got three options there.

26:18 Do whichever one you want.

26:20 Before we go to RECOs, I want to briefly talk about some news that broke this week because I do think it's important that we acknowledge it. On Monday night, ABC's Four Corners aired an investigation into Australia's childcare sector. And I cannot... really recommend that you watch it. It is so confronting. And we had this discussion about whether to talk about this today, didn't we, Stacey?

26:45 Yeah, we talked about this at length because sometimes in the news cycle, there are things that are so horrific. We know that you want to turn away from them and we turn away from them. And And we weren't sure whether it was something that we wanted to bring to you because we know that you listen to the show for a bit of escapism, maybe for a little giggle.

27:02 But we've also promised you on this show as well that we will keep you informed and that you'll be able to walk away from this show feeling like you know what's happening in the world and in the culture that's affecting parents now. And so that's why it felt important to us to bring this up because it is so awful, but it's something that we need to be aware of.

27:21 Yeah, and I think I said, guys, this is what investigative journalism does. This is why we need to talk about it is because the more we shine light into dark corners of things that are happening, the better off, you know, we can surface things and spotlight things that otherwise would remain hidden. Anyway, if you didn't see the program, here's what you need to know. It opened with some of the most probably distressing footage I've seen in a very, very long time from a childcare centre in far north Queensland.

27:48 But the investigation and the program wasn't just about one worker or one childcare centre. ABC investigative journalist Adele Ferguson and her colleagues, they looked at thousands of records across Australia's childcare industry and they just found repeated failures of supervision, staffing and child safety. And we know there are centres out there with very wonderful, very dedicated early childhood educators doing very important work. But the industry is in crisis and it's just raised even more very serious questions about the state of childcare in Australia. Stacey, can you understand why some parents are saying, I just want to quit work and pull my kids out?

28:33 Yep.

28:34 I agree with you that seeing the footage that circulated this week of that childcare centre, I've been a journalist for 16 years, 17 years. I've seen all sorts of messed up things. This is without a doubt the hardest thing I've ever actually watched. I couldn't finish watching it. Um, I don't think I'll ever forget it actually. And I really feel for the parents of that child. I'm probably going to cry. Um, that are now carrying the guilt of the fact that they sent their child to that center and didn't know what was happening because that child was so little that they couldn't talk for themselves. Um, but in Australia and, you know, in most countries around the world, it's just not feasible to not have your

29:12 child in some sort of care outside the home. Um, in the majority of households, both parents are working full-time. And we know that early education is amazing for children too when it's done well. It's just not realistic for parents to never be able to put their kids into care and to keep them at home with them full-time.

29:33 So I think that's why this hits so hard because we're saying there's major problems in this industry and yet you must wave off your child in the morning and send them into that centre and go to work.

29:43 Mons, was there a call to action in this about maybe putting pressure on federal parliament to do something about it?

29:52 Yeah. Adele Ferguson spoke to the Federal Minister for Early Childhood Education, Jess Walsh, and she acknowledged that governments and regulators and providers hadn't done enough. And And, you know, the reforms that need to happen need to happen faster and deeper. And the question now is whether these reforms are happening fast, quickly enough, and whether they are addressing the deeper problems of the funding models, of the way that the sector is privatised, of childcare deserts. But we didn't want to leave you feeling hopeless about this situation today.

30:33 There is one practical thing that you can do if your children are in early childhood education or you're thinking about enrolling them is that there's a government website called Starting Blocks and it allows parents to look up their childcare centre's quality rating and any regulatory information. Amazing. All right, it's time for recommendations where we bring you the very best things we've watched, listened to, eaten. What have we got today, Stacey? You've got something you bought.

31:02 I do.

31:03 Well, it was something that was gifted to my daughter a couple of years ago. But as I'm kind of looking towards Christmas and what to buy, she's been using this around a few other kids. And I've had a few other mums say to me, oh, I'm going to buy it. Can you send me the link? I'm going to buy that because that's great. And it is the Amazon.

31:18 It's the Blue Fire Kids Digital Camera. So my brother and his wife gave this to my daughter two Christmases ago, I think, and she still uses it now. It's a little cute little kid's camera, very basic, you know, buttons on it so that they can operate it. It's got a waterproof case on it. So that means it's kind of drop proof as well. It can kind of get chucked in the back of the car or whatever, and it's fine. um my daughter loves bringing it wherever and taking photos she recently bought it to the gym with me i'm just trying to you know slide in there that i'm a gym girly now um she bought it to the gym with us and was taking photos of everyone exercising and the other little kids that were there

31:55 as well in the creche um and it's just the best like they can take videos photos you can put little funny filters on people's faces i just think it's a really solid christmas present if you're like thinking what's something i can i can give.

32:08 Them so does it have a little screen on the camera.

32:10 Yes. Yeah.

32:11 And then what about printing the photos?

32:13 Do you know what? We've had it two years. I've never even thought to print anything out. I just love flicking through the actual camera and seeing the world from like her point of view, what she's saying. But yeah, you can connect it to the computer and just print them off like a digital print. That's great. Yeah. How much is it?

32:28 $ 55. Yeah.

32:29 So, and it's often on sale. I feel like there's going to be Amazon Black Friday sales coming up. So like sit it in your cart. It will definitely get discounted even further than that, I think. But it's just great. And I don't know why I hadn't recommended it on the show before because she uses it weekly.

32:45 Yeah, great.

32:46 Yeah.

32:46 Excellent. What have you got, Amelia?

32:48 So you've got– it's interesting because you've got a camera, which I guess is encouraging kids to not take photos with your phone but rather use this more old-fashioned device. Yeah. I've got something that has been very effective in changing my habits around my phone. Okay.

33:05 Yeah.

33:06 It's called The Brick and I heard about The Brick and wasn't very interested in the concept. I thought it wasn't for me and the concept is it's a little cube about the size of the palm of your hand and you tap this little cube and then it restricts certain apps from your phone. And then when you want to use those apps again, you just tap the brick and then they're back on your phone.

33:27 Okay.

33:28 So the reason I thought it wasn't useful for me is because I think my problematic internet usage happens most often at home. So I sort of thought, well, if I can tap the brick to sort of unlock these apps... and I'm using the apps at home, I can't see how this is going to help me.

33:45 Like the barrier isn't high enough for you.

33:47 Exactly. I would just be doing drive-bys past the brick every 10 minutes. I'd be like, no, no, no, just this one email and then I'll lock it.

33:55 So I got sent one and it kind of just like sat there collecting dust for a long time. And then the other day I thought, well, let's just see how it works. And I fired up the app that is associated with it. And it turns out the app is the thing. It's not the brick itself. It's the app. So what the app does is you can set it up so that at certain times of day, it establishes a routine where certain apps are not available to you.

34:26 So I'm going to be very honest with you and tell you that my big internet problem is Reddit. I am addicted to Reddit. It is a comfort for me. Like if I'm bored, unhappy, anxious, I pick up my phone and I just scroll Reddit. You know, it's like even when I'm like pouring water for the kids bath or I might just take a quick look at Reddit.

34:47 It's awful.

34:48 I'm really addicted.

34:50 And so I set it up that on the weekend during the day, I cannot look at Reddit. So you don't even need to tap the brick to make that happen.

34:58 The app will just do it. None of this has got anything to do with the brick.

35:01 Yeah.

35:02 The brick can override the app, but, yeah, I don't use the brick.

35:05 Yeah, okay.

35:05 And then the other problem I have is I find that nothing good comes in my email. My email used to be full of surprise and delight.

35:13 Yeah.

35:14 But now my email is like, you actually owe this much in taxes or here's a bill.

35:19 Oh, my God, all the sales.

35:20 Yeah.

35:21 All I get is just like junk from everything I've ever bought and now they have my data.

35:25 I hate it.

35:26 Stop.

35:26 So in the evenings, on weekday evenings, I cannot access Reddit or my personal email because my work email, I don't care as much. It's my personal email. I cannot access Reddit or my personal email after 5 p.m.

35:39 Okay.

35:40 The reason why it really works for me is because I don't like to feel that I'm being told I can't do something. And so if I simply take Reddit off my phone, It eats away at me and then I need to reinstall it. But this just grays it out. So it's a habit-forming exercise. You actually forget that you're not allowed into Reddit and it's just sort of not available there for you.

36:03 But then when it comes back online, are you like.

36:07 Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom? Yes.

36:09 But I'm able to consume Reddit when my brain is working better at 8 o'clock in the morning as opposed to 11 p.m. at night when I'm worried about the world.

36:17 Yeah, okay.

36:18 So I love the habit-forming that it does. And it's really created more present experiences with my children as a result. I love that. It's $ 85. There's also a thing called the Brick Night now, which knows when you're in your bedroom and it automatically disables certain apps on your phone. Very eager to try that too. But if you want to get started with the Brick, just get the regular one.

36:40 I think I would have a panic attack. I don't think I could do it.

36:44 Stacey, what's your comfort? What's your phone comfort?

36:47 Oh, you know mine. I am scrolling TikTok at 11 o'clock at night and it stresses me. I drove down, okay, I'm mentioning the gym again. I'm not trying to be that person. But I drove to the gym the other morning and forgot my phone. It was 6 in the morning and I was stressed that someone would need to contact me between 6 and 6.30 a.m. It's only a 30-minute class. Like I was like, this is bad. I should be able to go 30 minutes without my phone. Mons, what's yours? What's your guilty pleasure? Yeah, what are you on?

37:16 Christmas Mum's Facebook page.

37:18 No, yeah, I do love that. That's so unhinged. I'm so into it. My Facebook marketplace. I just love to browse.

37:27 Yeah.

37:28 And my second one is the Target app. Oh, yeah, they do have some good stuff. I never buy anything. I just look. I just like to look. It's like when you go through the catalogues. Do you remember when we used to get catalogues in the mail and they were awesome? They were like big, fat, glossy. Yes, I love those.

37:42 It's like that.

37:43 It's the digital equivalent. Mine's What's Your Mac. Okay. I have a recommendation in honor of the cost of living crisis. I was in Baker's Delight the other day. Big fan. We are often there, but I saw a six pack of date scones for $ 15 and I almost died. I just went, when did a six pack of scones cost $ 15?

38:08 That seems wild to me. So I've duped them. You I asked them about the allergens and they printed out the ingredients for me and gave me the ingredients for date scones. And then I went home and was like, I could make these. So I have. They taste the same. They cost about $ 2 for six of them. They're very easy to, if you're a beginner baker, scones are probably one of the easiest things you can make. So I'm going to put the recipe in our newsletter, which is Parenting Out Loud on Substack. And we'll also put it in the show notes. But, yeah, it takes about five minutes to throw together, 12 minutes in the oven, and it's done. Like it's faster to make them at home than to drive to Baker's and get them.

38:53 Mons, thank you for that gift. Yeah. For people who don't know, Mons' Anzac biscuit recipe is canon.

38:59 Yeah.

39:00 That is the Anzac biscuit recipe. So this is a huge deal that Mons has dropped a new recipe.

39:04 Yes, love this.

39:05 She's Australia's Alison Roman.

39:06 She's dropping one recipe to us every 10 years.

39:09 I love it.

39:10 I love it, Mons. Scarcity mentality.

39:11 That's it. And before we go, finally, Stacey, you're thirsty for praise and you would like people to leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, right?

39:21 Well, yes, because we always give all the Spotify people all the love, but most of our audience is listening to us on Apple. And so if you are, if you're there anyway, can you just drop us a little lovely note while you're there? Let us know if you're from Brisbane. Lots of people have been doing that. Hi, Apple listeners. Yeah, just leave us a review.

39:40 We would love that.

39:41 Tell us our tops look nice because Apple is.

39:44 Yeah, on video, yeah. You could be watching us right now. We actually all colour coordinated today, which you would see if you were watching on Apple Video accidentally. Yeah, leave us a review or five stars, please. If it's less than that, don't worry about it.

39:59 That's all we have time for this week on Parenting Out Loud. Keep your eyes out for the Switch Witch and keep your eyes off the sports scoreboard because remember, it doesn't actually matter. And thank you to our team this week, Tessa Kotovic and Matt Perry for all the tech stuff. Have a great week. We will be back in this feed next Saturday morning. Bye.

40:18 Bye.

40:19 Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land on which we have recorded this podcast.