What is attachment theory?

0:00 Welcome to Philosophy is not boring by kidopoly.com. I'm Mira. And I'm Finn. If you haven't already, tap follow wherever you're listening so you never miss an episode.

0:11 Hey Mira, have you ever watched a toddler at a playground? They run around having the absolute best time, digging in the sand, climbing up the slide.

0:20 Oh, I know exactly what you're talking about.

0:23 They look so independent and brave. Right. But then, the second they look back and can't see their grown-up sitting on the bench, they just completely lose it. It's like the world is ending. It really is. A switch flips and suddenly all the fun is over. It's so strange. Why do babies and little kids cry so hard just because a parent leaves the room for two seconds?

0:48 Do they think the parent is gone forever?

0:50 That is exactly our big question today, Finn. Are babies just being dramatic, or is something much deeper and more important going on in their brains? I always thought they were just being clingy. A lot of people thought that. But today we're going to look at why that clinginess might actually be a kind of superpower.

1:08 A superpower? I mean, I guess if I were one year old, I'd cry too. The world is huge and scary, and you can't even reach the kitchen counter to get a snack.

1:19 Exactly! You literally depend on adults for survival. But for a really long time in history, a lot of experts thought that if a child was clingy and cried when their parent left, it meant the parent was spoiling them.

1:33 Wait, really? They thought hugging a baby too much was a bad thing. That doesn't seem fair to the baby at all.

1:40 It wasn't. Some old school advice even told parents to ignore their crying babies so they would grow up to be tough and independent.

1:49 That just sounds incredibly lonely.

1:51 It does. But a brilliant thinker named John Bowby strongly disagreed. He argued that human babies are actually hardwired by nature to need their caregivers.

2:02 Hardwired? Like a computer programme that automatically runs.

2:07 Kind of. He called it attachment theory. He believed that feeling attached to a parent wasn't a weakness, it was a biological necessity for survival.

2:18 Okay, so Bowlby had this theory. But how do you prove something like that?

2:22 That's where another amazing psychologist comes in. Her name was Mary Ainsworth. Around 1970 in Baltimore, she decided to test Bowlby's ideas by watching how one-year-olds actually act in real life.

2:37 How do you test a one-year-old? You can't exactly give them a written exam or a multiple choice quiz.

2:43 Nope. So she created a very famous psychological setup called The Strange Situation.

2:49 The Strange Situation? That sounds like the title of a sci-fi mystery movie. Or maybe a spooky haunted house.

2:57 It was definitely a bit of a mystery she was trying to solve. Here is how the strange situation actually worked. She set up a laboratory room to look just like a normal friendly playroom.

3:10 Okay, so far so good. A baby's dream room. Exactly.

3:15 She put a one-year-old and their parent in the room together and let the baby play with all these cool new toys.

3:22 I bet the babies loved that part. Just hanging out with their mum or dad, checking out the blocks and stuffed animals.

3:29 They did! The baby happily plays and explores. But then, Mary Ainsworth adds a twist. A stranger walks into the room.

3:39 Uh-oh. One-year-olds usually do not love strangers.

3:44 Right. The stranger comes in, talks to the parent for a minute to show they aren't a threat, and then starts trying to play with the baby. And right after that, the parent quietly steps out of the room.

3:57 Wait, leaving the baby alone with the total stranger? Oh no, that is a recipe for a massive meltdown. Exactly. And you can guess what happens next. The baby realises the parent is gone, drops the toy, and starts crying.

4:14 Yes, most of the babies stopped playing immediately. They looked at the door, realised their person was gone, and burst into tears.

4:23 Well, yeah, their number one safety person just vanished. That is terrifying when you're tiny.

4:29 But here is where Mary Ainsworth's true genius comes in. She wasn't actually testing if the baby would cry. She fully expected them to cry. She was waiting for what happened next.

4:42 Wait, what do you mean she wasn't testing if they cried? What happened next that was so important?

4:47 After a short time, the parent came back into the room.

4:51 Psychologists call this part the reunion. Okay, so the baby is already crying and upset. When the parent comes back, do they stay mad? Like, do they hold a grudge?

5:03 Some babies did stay upset, but most of them didn't. When the parent returned, the securely attached babies immediately reached up, got a big hug, and settled down almost instantly.

5:15 Whoa, like it never even happened. They just felt better right away.

5:20 Yes, and once they felt better, they wriggled down and went right back to exploring and playing with the toys. Ainsworth called this secure attachment. The baby deeply knew that their parent was their safe place.

5:33 So they cry because they lost their safety net, that they instantly calm down because the net is back. That actually makes total sense.

5:42 Exactly. Ainsworth realised the parent is like a secure base. Think of it like a giant space station orbiting in deep space.

5:51 Haha, a space station? How is a parent like a space station?

5:56 Well, an astronaut can go out on a spacewalk, float into the dark, and explore the universe. But they only feel brave enough to do that because they have a tether connecting them to the safe base.

6:08 Oh, I get it. If the tether breaks, the astronaut panics. But as long as the base is there, they can explore the unknown. So the baby exploring the playroom is just like the astronaut on a spacewalk.

6:20 You nailed it, Finn.

6:21 The parent's presence is the invisible tether. That is actually such a cool way to think about it. It completely flips the script on what crying means. It really does.

6:33 In our real lives, sometimes people think that needing a hug, or wanting to be close to someone you love, means you are weak or you aren't brave enough to handle things on your own.

6:44 Yeah, like when people say, don't be a baby, or they tease someone for being clingy on the first day of school.

6:50 But Bowlby and Ainsworth showed that being clingy isn't a weakness at all. Having a secure base is actually the launch pad that bravery is built from.

7:00 Wait, so knowing someone is there to catch you actually makes you braver?

7:05 Yes. You explore the furthest and take the biggest risks when you know exactly where your safe place is to run back to. So the next time you feel like you need a hug before doing something scary, remember you aren't being weak. You are just returning to your secure base to refuel your bravery.

7:24 I love that. And speaking of exploring, I have a seriously mind-bending fact about Mary Ainsworth. Ooh, lay it on me. Before she even brought any babies into her laboratory in Baltimore, she did intense home research. Did you know she spent around 72 hours observing every single family in their own house?

7:46 72 hours per family!

7:48 That is an unbelievable amount of patience. I know. She watched every single feeding, cuddle, diaper change, and cry across their entire first year. She wanted to really understand their lives before testing them. Alright, Finn, it is time for the quiz. Are you ready? Okay, I've got my space helmet on.

8:10 I'm ready.

8:11 First question. Who designed the famous strange situation experiment to watch how babies act? Next one. What American city did Mary Ainsworth do this very famous psychological study in? Question three. Who was the earlier thinker she built her ideas on? The one who talked about attachment theory? Here's number four.

8:45 What two-word phrase did she use to describe the parent that a child uses to feel safe? Last question. What happened to the securely attached babies when the parent finally came back into the room? Great job! Let's see how you did. The first answer is Mary Ainsworth. For question two, she did her groundbreaking study in Baltimore.

9:17 Number three, the answer is John Bowlby. Question four, she called the parent a secure base. And the final answer is the baby settled down quickly and went right back to playing with the toys.

9:33 You know, I'm really glad we talked about this today, Mira. It honestly makes me feel a lot better about still wanting a hug when I'm nervous about something big.

9:42 Me too, Finn. We all need a secure base sometimes, no matter how old we are. Even grown-ups need a safe person to return to when the world gets a bit too strange.

9:52 Hey, if you liked exploring this big question with us today, please leave us a five-star review. Yes, please do.

10:00 Just scroll down on your podcast app and tap the five stars. It really helps us out and lets us know you're enjoying having this safe base of philosophy to think with us.

10:10 And don't forget to follow us right here. Oh, and we have sister shows too. Make sure to go give history and sciences not boring, and maths is not boring, a listen and a follow as well. And if you want to shout out on the show, or just want to tell us about your own secure base, send us an email at hello at kidopoly.com.

10:31 Keep wondering and keep exploring. See you next time on Philosophy is not boring. Bye everyone!