Episode 40 When God Becomes Your First Abuser

Becky Hathaway Dirksen was seven years old when her family moved to Grenville Christian College to live the life mandated by the Community of Jesus. What followed was a childhood governed by rigid schedules, forced labor, constant correction, family separation, and spiritual teachings that equated suffering with holiness and love with giving up what mattered most.
In Part One of her story, Becky describes trying desperately to become the “good” person Grenville demanded—while never knowing exactly what was wrong with who she already was. She reflects on the lasting damage of being taught to distrust herself, the loneliness of being sent to Bermuda as an unpaid worker, and the dream of horses and Montana that became her imagined path to freedom.
Becky eventually left determined to begin her life. But, as she explains, appearing resilient is not the same as escaping unharmed: “The fallout comes later.”