Episode 46 The Ocean I Swam In

The Ocean I Swam In: Elizabeth Alina’s Story
Elizabeth Alina’s earliest memories are memories of growing up inside the Community of Jesus.
She remembers sleeping in a basement as a small child. Being taught, in ways she didn’t yet understand, that something was wrong with her. Learning to feel shame around her body, her thoughts, her emotions, and even her desire for connection with her own mother.
As Elizabeth puts it, “That’s the ocean I swam in.”
In this deeply personal conversation, Elizabeth takes us through her childhood and adolescence inside the Community of Jesus—from her earliest memories, through the homes and families she was moved between, the constant scrutiny and “light sessions,” escalating anxiety and obsessive thoughts, and the gradual erosion of her confidence and sense of self.
For years, Elizabeth believed what she was experiencing was guilt. She didn’t understand that the overwhelming fear, insomnia, obsessive thoughts, and anxiety were symptoms of something else. She simply knew that she was always trying to figure out what she was doing wrong.
This is Part One of Elizabeth’s story.
It is a story about childhood, shame, control, family, and what happens when a child grows up believing that the very things that make her human are evidence that something is wrong with her.
The Cult on the Cape is a podcast of Rock Harbor Truth, a survivor-led nonprofit working to bring light to the experiences of those harmed by high-control systems.
Listen. Learn. Share. And help us continue telling the stories that have been silenced for decades.