437: How to Become a More Secure Person — 6 Ways taught by Amir Levine in his new book

That feeling when our shoulders drop naturally, we make decisions from a place of confidence rather than fear, we are at ease to be ourselves and surround ourselves with those who feel safe to be themselves. There is an unspoken respectfulness rather than resentment, an enjoyment of the company and life we have cultivated, and when momentary chaos jets into the day, we remain steady, trusting we will make it through to the other side where calm will return.
A secure feeling in our daily life can arrive or be reached in a few different ways. And mind you, we're not talking financial security, we're talking emotional attachment security. The feeling of being at ease with our own company as well as with those we connect with and interact with. To live a secure life as it pertains to attachments is to engage with the world from a place where our nervous system is regulated (i.e. relaxed) giving us the ability to confidently try new things, share our true selves, relax entirely, and savor completely.
You may remember or have read Dr. Amir Levine's bestselling book that he co-authored titled Attached (see below). It inspired an entire episode of The Simple Sophisticate podcast (#318), and while that book focused primarily on romantic relationships, in his new book Secure: The revolutionary guide to creating a secure life (released this past spring), he spread the net wider addressing how to be secure in all types of relationships and how to navigate when we are not a healthy place to be secure. In this way, the book is the resource I was delighted to come across recently as it validated and further taught how to be secure within oneself and in choosing and nurturing relationships to maintain a secure life.
One of the most helpful Ahas I had while reading this new book, Secure., is that we are often not consistently the same type of attachment style with every relationship (i.e. person) in our life. And this demonstrates that both people figure into the equation that effects the security or lack of security in the relationship. So for example, you may be a fairly secure person, but with say your boss, you become quite anxious. Upon further exploration into why that is, you discover that they are dismissive of your ideas consistently, which causes you to doubt your contributions. Or conversely, maybe you tend to be more avoidant, but with your romantic partner, you feel largely secure because they don't invade your space when you need it, they aren't constantly bugging you when you are apart during the day, and this gives you the independence you need without feeling you have to avoid them or their communication efforts.
Ultimately, our objective is to build secure relationships throughout the web of our lives, and once we ourselves are secure and understand how to remain secure, this becomes easier to do.
Now, let's discover how to become a secure person in our life, and build secure relationships.
Tune in to the episode for the full content, and find the Show Notes on The Simply Luxurious Life blog - thesimplyluxuriouslife.com/podcast437