My daughter nearly died. How do I cope with the anger and guilt? | Agony Aunties

This week’s listener is struggling with overwhelming guilt, anger and fear after her 27-year-old daughter survived a devastating fall from a balcony. Psychotherapist Julia Samuel and her daughters Sophie and Emily explore the emotional toll of parenting an adult child with longstanding mental health difficulties, how to manage conflicting feelings during a family crisis and why loving your child doesn't mean you can control what happens to them.

After years of supporting her daughter through mental health challenges, including self-harm, eating disorders and substance misuse, the listener’s daughter is now facing the uncertainty of a long rehabilitation. Although deeply grateful that her daughter survived, she also feels exhausted and angry about what has happened, and guilty for having those feelings.

Alongside her daughters Sophie and Emily, Julia explores why gratitude and anger can coexist, how parents can separate their sense of worth from their children's struggles, and why self-compassion is essential when a family is living through trauma.

The Agony Aunties also discuss practical ways to manage anxiety about an uncertain future, the importance of seeking support, like talking therapy, outside the family and how to protect the wellbeing of siblings whose needs can become overlooked during a crisis.

Support and further reading:
If you are supporting a loved one through a mental health crisis, or if this conversation has brought up difficult feelings, the following organisations and resources may be helpful:
• Mind (mind.org.uk) – Information and support for people experiencing mental health difficulties, including guidance for family members and carers.
• Rethink Mental Illness (rethink.org) – Advice and support for people affected by severe mental illness, including families and carers.
• Carers UK (carersuk.org) – Practical advice and emotional support for people caring for a family member, including guidance on protecting their own wellbeing.
• Beat (beateatingdisorders.org.uk) – Support and information for people affected by eating disorders and their families.
• Samaritans (samaritans.org) – Confidential emotional support, available 24 hours a day on 116 123.

Please do send in your Agony Aunties questions to: jsamuelpod@gmail.com

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Hosts: Julia Samuel, Emily Samuel, Sophie Samuel
Producer: Georgie Rutherford
Executive Producer: Emily Leahy
Video Producer: Darren Michael
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