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A podcast from comedians Mike Wozniak, Henry Paker and Benjamin Partridge. Each week the three beans tackle a different theme, suggested by the listening audience.
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Extra Beans - Free Novembermania Patreon taster
It's Novembermania! We're offering 50% off your first month over on Patreon - www.patreon.com/threebeansalad To give you a taste of what lies beyond the paywall, this episode is the first half of our October 2026 Extra Beans episode - extra
The Simulation Hypothesis
What is real? Keanu Reeves? And if Keanu Reeves is real can we prove it or is this something we simply have to take on faith? Robert of Bremen has, presumably, been wrestling with these very questions and rather than trying to geo-locate Ke
Wool
This week’s topic is wool aka nature’s denim. Wool is a material that has been worn by princes, paupers and everyone in between for thousands if not millions of years. In fact, the wearing of woollen garments is one of the few things which
Trees
Which tree are you? The graceful and ethereal silver birch? The proud and stately elm? The feeble and foul-smelling Bradford pear tree? Click HERE to find out with our online quiz and to receive lifelong, military-grade, North Korean malwar
Cowboys
In many ways podcasters are the cowboys of today (excepting the actual cowboys of today of course) but instead of horses we ride ergonomic chairs, instead of slinging guns we sling mouths and our bullets - lukewarm banter. Thanks to Will of
Fifth Wednesday semi-demi-non-ep
No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday September and we only do four episodes a month because of the podcasters' union) Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and bonus/video episodes: https://www.patreon.com/
Soup
Soup of the day is lukewarm banter! That’s right, Max of Bremen has poured soup into the bean machine. Rest assured the beans shall treat this week’s liquid topic as scrupulously they would any solid one. With thanks to our editor Laura Gri
Dancing
We are not the only species that dances but we are the only one that has Dancercise. With that in mind, perhaps it is worth reflecting on the often misquoted words of 17th century poet and scholar John Donne: “Any man’s death diminishes me,
Taxis
Taxi drivers in the UK are exempt from having to wear seatbelts so that their passengers have one less thing to strangle them with mid-journey - a sobering little fact and one which perhaps illustrates the nature of the relationship between
Musicals
It is known that EVERY event is better when punctuated by songs (hence hymns, national anthems, Auld Lang Syne etc). It stands to reason therefore that the musical is the apogee of human endeavour. Can you imagine then the excitement of the
August Anti-sode
No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until September) Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and bonus episodes: https://www.patreon.com/threebeansalad
Fifth Wednesday Ersatz Episode
No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday July and we only do four episodes a month because of Andy Burnham)
Frogs
Whatever happened to The Frog Chorus? Were Paul McCartney’s erstwhile collaborators merely one hit wonders? Or, more than four decades on from the release of their smash hit single “We All Stand Together”, might we see them dusting off thei
Stationary
Can anything ever truly be still (apart from David Blaine)? Perhaps this is what Lou of Bend, Oregon would have the beans ponder by suggesting “stationary” as this week’s topic. Or perhaps Lou is in the middle of getting stalked by a brown
Village Fêtes
Samuel of 84a High Street selects village fêtes as this week’s topic for the beans. You may well ask yourself why Samuel has made this choice and wonder if perhaps Samuel was never voted as Village Fête Prince or if Samuel’s motorised float
The Roman Empire
Plumbers. Noon. The Planets. Just a few of the things that probably wouldn’t even exist today if it weren’t for the Roman Empire probably. And here’s another one: Luke from Bolton via Bremen. Little wonder then that he chose it as this week
Seaside Towns
Seaside towns have had a shaky reputation ever since the people of Hastings lifted the rope for those meddlesome Normans. Almost a millennium on is it time their notoriety was reassessed? Owen of Rhyl thinks yes and that the people for the
The Circus
People often say it’s not the size of a clown’s trousers that matters but the state of the custard pie in the clown’s pocket. Perhaps that’s something we should all reflect on more deeply with peak circus season fast approaching. No doubt t
Agatha Christie
Agatha Christie has had her works translated into more languages than any other author in history according to the most superficial of Googlings. But would she have given a monkey’s? It’s impossible to know and fruitless to ask so why Alan
Martial Arts
Munashe of Birmingham kicks of a new season of the Three Bean Salad by feeding the topic of martial arts into the Bean Machine. So far the Bean Machine hasn’t awoken abruptly from a deep trance-like state to say the words “I know Kung Fu” b
Free Patreon episode - And Then Sparrows Took Their Eyes - Three Brothers Grimm Tales
A freebie Patreon episode to give you a taste of what we do over there. Henry tells Mike and Ben three stories by the Brothers Grimm. www.patreon.com/threebeansalad
Fifth Wednesday Not-A-Lotta-Podda
No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday April and we only do four episodes a month because of tidal science) Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and bonus/video episodes: https://www.patreon.com/threebeansal
Smells
The bean machine emits most known smells most days as a byproduct of its relentless toil. In a few short moments the aromas belched forth could be resinous, minty, jazzy, agricultural or anything in between. Something it has never spat out,
Vitamins
Josh of Deep South Texas brings the beans (via the bean machine) the topic of vitamins this week. Perfect timing as this week sees the launch of Three Bean Salad’s Vita-Plex injections for glossier skin and lukewarmer banter. For just 99.99
Show Us Your Onions
The Moon landings. The fall of the Berlin Wall. The conviction of Al Capone. Everyone remembers exactly where they were when the news broke of these landmark moments in history. Well get memorising your surroundings people because it’s abou
Saints
This week the Bean Machine stopped weeping tears of fresh, semi-skimmed milk for the first time in four years and spat out the topic of saints as submitted by Nathan of Bristol. Which cosmic force acted through Nathan to prompt his submissi
Moving House
What truly separates mankind from other species is our irrepressible urge to shove things that are far bigger than the aperture of our dwellings into our dwellings. Some members of mankind will, at points in their lives, increase the size o
The Olympics
Charlie of Loughborough feeds The Olympics into the bean machine for this week’s lukewarm topic. Any of Henry, Mike or Ben could definitely have been a gold medal winning olympian if they’d only had the right opportunities, encouragement, c
Chickens
The chicken. Tuna Of The Fields. The Bishop’s Rest. The Pauper’s Goose. Captain Susan’s Seed Hoover. El Punzón Que Vuela. The Crap Eagle. That it goes by so many names is, perhaps, proof of its profound impact on our culture through the age
The Coastguard
The coastguard is this week’s topic at the behest of Cat of Ontario, Canada. Given the fact that Canada is the nation with the longest coastline in the world perhaps Cat is hoping to find out whether or not Canada also has the longest coast
