S3E1 - 3.1 Back in Business

[SPEAKER_04]: Welcome to the signature reads bakery. [SPEAKER_04]: I'm sick, and as soon as B is done with his repair spell, we'll be back in business, serving up breads, pies, cookies, cakes, and absolutely no adventures. [SPEAKER_04]: You did it! [SPEAKER_04]: How the fire damage your the shop is gone!

[SPEAKER_04]: It's as good as new! [SPEAKER_03]: More like good as slightly used. [SPEAKER_03]: You'll need someone to come and do some touch-ups. [SPEAKER_03]: I'm not the best at the little details. [SPEAKER_01]: This proves that your magical focus is back to full efficacy. [SPEAKER_01]: Does it not?

[SPEAKER_03]: Yes! [SPEAKER_03]: Thank you, Kurt. [SPEAKER_03]: And also, thank you, happy! [SPEAKER_03]: I would be so behind on my homework if you didn't let me borrow your aberrant mojo while my laptop was out of commission. [SPEAKER_01]: Of course. [SPEAKER_01]: Though sharing my powers requires a pack that provides me value, you're existing friendship with sufficient to fulfill that requirement, which simplified the process significantly.

[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, happy! [SPEAKER_02]: A hem. [SPEAKER_02]: Now that your focus has been repaired, does that mean you will return to more traditional casting methods while at school? [SPEAKER_03]: Because casting spells with the laptop and code is so traditional. [SPEAKER_02]: Beatrice, you know what I'm referring to.

[SPEAKER_03]: Yes Oliver, you can tell all your bosses that now that the crystal in my lap top is fixed I'll channel my magic from the ether again instead of from the abyss I'm sure that'll be pleased to hear it [SPEAKER_03]: Ugh, for the record, you're being so ridiculous about this. [SPEAKER_03]: Abadon makes all the portraits in the Great Hall cried blood during the Equinox beast, and it's business as usual.

[SPEAKER_03]: But I take one teeth-seed level of warlocks, so my grades don't tank, and I need an intervention all of a sudden. [SPEAKER_02]: Well, that's different. [SPEAKER_03]: HELL! [SPEAKER_02]: Abadon. [SPEAKER_02]: He's in dia-beek. [SPEAKER_04]: That is not the slam dunker bottle you seem to think it is.

[SPEAKER_03]: Perfect. [SPEAKER_03]: No, no, it's nailed it. [SPEAKER_02]: Be that as it may. [SPEAKER_02]: You? [SPEAKER_02]: It's good that your focus is back. [SPEAKER_02]: Especially as it's about time for you to think about summoning your familiar. [SPEAKER_03]: Hey, I literally just got this thing fixed.

[SPEAKER_03]: Give me a break. [SPEAKER_03]: There's no requirement in the school charter that says, I have to have a familiar by a certain year. [SPEAKER_03]: Some which is never summon one. [SPEAKER_02]: No, but your coursework will be getting more rigorous. [SPEAKER_02]: Most students find a familiar, helpful in sharing the load and compensating for their weak points.

[SPEAKER_04]: If you think she needs a magic boost so bad, you can always just borrow from happy again. [SPEAKER_01]: The bad stands. [SPEAKER_01]: She is welcome to channel from my share of power in the abyss at any time. [SPEAKER_02]: Well, you know how to pace yourself better than I do, of course, and you're already such an accomplished student.

[SPEAKER_02]: There's no need to rush into anything at the moment. [SPEAKER_02]: Checking in on the status of your focus isn't even the main reason for my visit today. [SPEAKER_04]: And here I was thinking that we were going to get through one of these surprise drop-ins without a ambush. [SPEAKER_04]: Alright, let's get this over with.

[SPEAKER_04]: Tell me what you want so I can say no when get back to Grand Reopening Prep. [SPEAKER_02]: Well, that's rather presumptuous. [SPEAKER_04]: Oh, are you here for a cake? [SPEAKER_04]: Or maybe to recruit happy? [SPEAKER_02]: Well, no, I am here to talk to you about a quest. [SPEAKER_02]: Ha, but...

[SPEAKER_02]: I think all of you will differently about this one. [SPEAKER_02]: You always do. [SPEAKER_02]: Alright, where's the giant spider web? [SPEAKER_02]: This prophecy wasn't spun by Gossamer. [SPEAKER_02]: It was passed down by the high-confection of themselves. [SPEAKER_03]: Who? [SPEAKER_03]: The top-ranked confectionary witch.

[SPEAKER_03]: They went to Hexwell, confectionary witchcraft and auracular arts double major. [SPEAKER_02]: Quite right, and those two fields of study have intersected, resulting in this prophecy. [SPEAKER_02]: like yeasted dough, a baker will arise with skill in not to read the sugar-tome of threat draws in here, and absolute surprise, an unexpected hero returns home.

[SPEAKER_02]: Baker? [SPEAKER_02]: The prophecy calls for a chosen baker? [SPEAKER_02]: Indeed, it does! [SPEAKER_02]: And, reticent, as you've been, to entertain prophecies in the past, I think you'll have to admit that there's no one who occupies that overlap of chosen one and baker, more firmly than you.

[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, really, a chosen baker who becomes an unexpected hero? [SPEAKER_03]: I hate to say it's sick, but that does really kind of sound like you. [SPEAKER_03]: Like, more than usual. [SPEAKER_01]: Sieg has repeatedly expressed his disinterest to becoming the subject of prophecy. [SPEAKER_01]: If your business with B is complete, then you may...

[SPEAKER_04]: Wait, wait, hold on a second, ha? [SPEAKER_04]: Let's hear him out. [SPEAKER_04]: What is this, uh, chosen baker's supposed to do exactly? [SPEAKER_04]: Well, the threat is textually. [SPEAKER_02]: unclear and absolute surprise narrows it down to approximately anything within the realm of possibility and several things outside of the realm of possibility.

[SPEAKER_02]: However, it seems certain that the sugar tome referenced is the arse dorsia. [SPEAKER_02]: What's that? [SPEAKER_01]: A powerful grimoire concerning baking. [SPEAKER_03]: There's a section on it in my confectionary witchcraft textbook. [SPEAKER_03]: It's like half spell book, half cookbook.

[SPEAKER_04]: Let me see, that's cool. [SPEAKER_04]: Okay, I'm Bepepepepepepepa, sugar tone and a hero returns home. [SPEAKER_04]: So I just have to bake something from a legendary cookbook, which would somehow save the world, and then I get to go home. [SPEAKER_04]: Best we can tell. [SPEAKER_04]: That?

[SPEAKER_04]: It actually sounds like something I might want to do. [SPEAKER_04]: Really? [SPEAKER_04]: I don't know. [SPEAKER_04]: Maybe. [SPEAKER_04]: Everyone's always asking me to go slay monsters or clear dungeons, but if I could help out by baking. [SPEAKER_02]: Helping out would be an understatement.

[SPEAKER_02]: The threat level on this prophecy is the highest level possible. [SPEAKER_02]: You'd be doing nothing less than saving the world. [SPEAKER_04]: The world. [SPEAKER_04]: I'd be saving the world... ...with the baking. [SPEAKER_04]: Guys, I-I have to do this, right? [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, you don't have to do anything.

[SPEAKER_03]: However, I personally would be very curious to see what you actually enjoying a quest looks like. [SPEAKER_01]: If it is your desire to engage with this prophecy, I have no doubt that you will fulfill your role admirably. [SPEAKER_04]: Okay. [SPEAKER_04]: That's all I need to hear. [SPEAKER_04]: Oliver?

[SPEAKER_04]: I'll do it. [SPEAKER_04]: I understand, of course. [SPEAKER_04]: Well, it- [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I'm in. [SPEAKER_02]: Where's the magic cookbook? [SPEAKER_02]: I, uh, I'll let you. [SPEAKER_02]: Uh, one moment. [SPEAKER_02]: I must admit, I never expected to get this far. [SPEAKER_02]: This is quite exhilarating.

[SPEAKER_02]: Here it is. [SPEAKER_02]: The Oz Dolcea. [SPEAKER_04]: Oh, wow. [SPEAKER_04]: I've never seen a cookbook this fancy. [SPEAKER_04]: Is this real gold? [SPEAKER_04]: Of the highest quality. [SPEAKER_03]: Hey! [SPEAKER_03]: Look at the decorations! [SPEAKER_03]: They're almost as nice as your calligraphy.

[SPEAKER_03]: What decorations? [SPEAKER_03]: The ones all over the cover. [SPEAKER_04]: Those are decorations, it's writing. [SPEAKER_04]: R's Dulcia, the book of magical culinary arts. [SPEAKER_04]: Contains 200 good and useful recipes authored by Lady Rebecca Cornsbane, confectionary witch. [SPEAKER_01]: Rebecca Cornsbane is the name of the first high confectioner.

[SPEAKER_04]: You can read the book. [SPEAKER_04]: The spilling is all weird and null-timey, but yeah, I can read it. [SPEAKER_04]: Can you really not? [SPEAKER_03]: No! [SPEAKER_03]: Witches can password protect their spellbooks, so only certain people can access them. [SPEAKER_03]: Remember when my laptop kept shocking me because I was in happy's body?

[SPEAKER_03]: Stuff like that! [SPEAKER_01]: For you to be able to decipher the words of such a powerful witch is no small feat. [SPEAKER_02]: And it matches the text of the prophecy. [SPEAKER_02]: With skill enough to read the sugar to him. [SPEAKER_04]: Oh, I can't believe there's such a thing as a chosen baker!

[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, I can't wait to tell my brothers. [SPEAKER_03]: Why wait? [SPEAKER_03]: I can send proper magic messages again. [SPEAKER_03]: Here, I'll send one now. [SPEAKER_03]: Hold the book. [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, uh, like this? [SPEAKER_03]: Great. [SPEAKER_03]: Smile! [SPEAKER_03]: Guess who's going on?

[SPEAKER_03]: 15 question marks, Cupcake emoji, Pi emoji, cookie emoji, hashtag chosen baker, and set! [SPEAKER_03]: Oh shoot, Oliver did I add you to the message by accident? [SPEAKER_02]: No, this is from school. [SPEAKER_02]: What do they? [SPEAKER_02]: Odia. [SPEAKER_02]: Oh what? [SPEAKER_02]: Oh my, this is terribly embarrassing.

[SPEAKER_02]: Sieg, I am so sorry to do this. [SPEAKER_02]: Spap! [SPEAKER_02]: What? [SPEAKER_02]: Hey! [SPEAKER_02]: Where'd the book go? [SPEAKER_02]: That was the current high-confectioner. [SPEAKER_02]: There was a mistake with the reading of the signs surrounding the prophecy. [SPEAKER_02]: This book...

[SPEAKER_02]: He isn't actually supposed to go to you. [SPEAKER_02]: What? [SPEAKER_02]: But, but I can read it. [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, well, you better than anyone know that sometimes multiple people can make the requirements of a prophecy. [SPEAKER_04]: If it's between me and someone else, let me do it.

[SPEAKER_04]: Oliver, you come in here every other week trying to sell me on a quest that I have zero interest in, and the one time I actually want to do it. [SPEAKER_02]: I'm afraid the matter is entirely out of my balls. [SPEAKER_04]: Oh, come on! [SPEAKER_04]: At least let me see the book before you take it away.

[SPEAKER_04]: I didn't even get to open it. [SPEAKER_02]: It's an extremely powerful magical artifact. [SPEAKER_02]: We really can't be letting just anyone read it. [SPEAKER_04]: Go, I'm just anyone. [SPEAKER_04]: You're calling me just anyone? [SPEAKER_02]: Okay, since when do you- Oh, I-I'm-I'm getting a magic message.

[SPEAKER_02]: I think Headmistress Heath needs me terribly sorry, but I-I have to go. [SPEAKER_03]: Oliver, we literally just heard what your magic message alert. [SPEAKER_03]: Sounds like- [SPEAKER_03]: Huh, but I actually wanted to do this one. [SPEAKER_03]: Nah, cheer up, Sig. [SPEAKER_03]: A baking quest is still a quest.

[SPEAKER_03]: They were probably going to make you fight a horde of skeletons or something eventually. [SPEAKER_04]: Ah, I guess. [SPEAKER_04]: And the important thing is that you fix the shop. [SPEAKER_04]: We'll be up and running in no time. [SPEAKER_03]: You still want that book, don't you? [SPEAKER_04]: No, I really wanted that book!

[SPEAKER_04]: I wish I had least gotten a look at a couple of... Oh, wait. [SPEAKER_04]: You told all my brothers I'm going on a quest. [SPEAKER_04]: Can you get the message back before? [SPEAKER_03]: Sorry. [SPEAKER_04]: Uh, which brother? [SPEAKER_01]: It appears to be all of them. [SPEAKER_04]: Of course it is.

[SPEAKER_04]: Well, if anyone needs me, I'm going to be in the kitchen, making regular boring non-leginary cookie dough and eating it without baking it. [SPEAKER_04]: Great to be back! [SPEAKER_04]: Episode 1, back in business, was written and directed by Destiny Howell, with sound designed by Brad Colebrook and theme music by Lauren Soin.

[SPEAKER_04]: Starring the voice talents of Wes Haas as SIG, Karstunato as Happy, Sarah Ruth Thomas as B, and featuring Andrew Oaks as Oliver. [SPEAKER_04]: Special thanks to Executive Taste tester Camille. [SPEAKER_04]: Season three of absolutely no adventures was supported by our awesome backers, including Jay Horner, Malaran, L.J., Judith Harmon, Peter Williams, Cara Greenberg, Dick Rickles, and Superfans, Lee Rael, Micah, and Nevin.

[SPEAKER_04]: If you enjoyed the show, be sure to leave us a review and subscribe. [SPEAKER_04]: If you'd like to help support the show, join our Patreon or buy us a coffee. [SPEAKER_04]: You can find us online at noadventurespod.com or at our blue sky at noadventurespod for extras, transcripts, and absolutely no adventures.

[SPEAKER_01]: Hell yeah, exclamation point, flexing bicep, flexing bicep, fire, fire, cross swords, flexing bicep, back-get, slice of cake, laughing cat. [SPEAKER_03]: In hindsight, I should not have taught Dolph out of usermojis. [SPEAKER_00]: This episode is sponsored by Friends of the Show, role-and-play press.

[SPEAKER_00]: Roll and play press are the TTRPG company that specializes in easy-to-use tools to help busy or beginner GM's cut their prep time and get to the fun stuff faster. [SPEAKER_00]: After season 1 of A&A, they got in touch with me to say that they loved the show and asked about what was interested in doing some writing for an upcoming book, and I've worked with them ever since, including Under New Book, one job one is two, which comes out soon.

[SPEAKER_00]: The one-shot wonder series is a treasure trove of ready-to-go adventures that can be dropped in the middle of an existing campaign, or run in the stand-alone one shot. [SPEAKER_00]: I've run through adventures for people ranging from kids at summer camp to my grad school classmate to had never played a TTRCG before, and they're always ahead.

[SPEAKER_00]: The one charts are organized for Asia preference, chocolate full of gorgeous illustrations, and compatible with most fantasy RPGs, including Bibi and Pathfinder. [SPEAKER_00]: The first book wanted any for best short-form adventure, and had been featured on a critical role, high rollers, and three black half lengths.

[SPEAKER_00]: If you're a forever GM, or maybe want to give your forever GM a break, check out one shot wonders, links in the show notes below.

S3E1 - 3.1 Back in Business

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