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- 39 mintypische Länge
- 22. Okt.letzte Folge
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Entitlement in the Unfaithful: From Demanding to Devotion
Entitlement is the silent killer of recovery after infidelity. When an unfaithful partner comes from a position of entitlement, it poisons trust, sabotages healing, and deepens betrayal trauma. In this episode of Ask The Unfaithful, we unpa
4 Ways Shame and Avoidance Sabotage Healing from Infidelity
Shame and avoidance are two of the most powerful forces keeping unfaithful partners stuck after betrayal. In this episode of Ask the Unfaithful, we uncover how these patterns silently sabotage healing—for both you and your relationship—and
The Arousal Template: Identifying Triggers and Blindspots
In this episode of Ask The Unfaithful, Sam and James take a deep dive into one of the most misunderstood—and most important—concepts in infidelity recovery: the Arousal Template. Too often, betrayed partners and unfaithful partners alike ar
Was the Unfaithful Really in Love with the Affair Partner?
In this powerful episode of Ask the Unfaithful, we unpack one of the most misunderstood emotional experiences in the aftermath of infidelity: limerence. Often confused with love, limerence is an obsessive, fantasy-fueled state that can hija
5 Signs the Unfaithful Isn't Sorry...Yet
In this powerful episode of Ask The Unfaithful, we unpack five critical signs that the unfaithful partner has not yet reached authentic, pro-active remorse. Whether you're the one who broke trust and are unsure how to go about truly changin
How Criticism Sabotages Affair Recovery
In Episode 47 of Ask the Unfaithful, we continue the conversation from last week's powerful session on judgment—but this time, we're unpacking a major roadblock to healing after infidelity: criticism. Whether it's self-criticism, perceived
How Judgment Affects Affair Recovery
Judgment is one of the most hidden—but most powerful—forces keeping recovery stuck. In this episode, we take a deep dive into malignant self-judgment—the toxic inner dialogue that convinces unfaithful partners they are irredeemable, unworth
Why Are the Unfaithful So Afraid to Do Recovery Work?
Fear is part of being human—but when you've betrayed someone you love, fear can become a wall between you and the emotional honesty your partner needs to heal. In this powerful episode, we explore how emotional inhibition, shame, and fear-b
What People Pleasing Does to Betrayed Partner
People pleasing can be described as the tendency to prioritize others' needs over your own, often driven by fear of rejection or a need for validation. • In marriages or relationships, this can mean: Constantly putting family, friends, or c
How Excessive Self-Protection by the Unfaithful is Toxic After Infidelity is Discovered
"Imagine building a fortress so strong that not even you can leave it." In our quest as unfaithful to protect ourselves from pain, rejection, or failure, we sometimes build walls so high that they don't just keep harm out—they keep life out
Why Do the Unfaithful Take Things Personally?
Why do we unfaithful take things so personally? It can feel like every ounce of feedback we receive is taken with an underlying belief that something is wrong with us, or you the betrayed are unhappy with us, or we consider ourselves worthl
What is Toxic Negativity & What Can Be Done About It?
Toxic negativity refers to a mindset or behavior where a person consistently focuses on the negative aspects of situations, people, spouses or life in general, often dismissing or disregarding any positive experiences or perspectives. It ma
How Not Keeping Promises Undermines Recovery
In the daily grind of recovery work lies the realization that even the smallest of broken promises can be a trigger to the betrayed. We the unfaithful will constantly refute the betrayed's concerns with responses like 'are you kidding me? i
6 Essentials to Maintaining Momentum in Relational Recovery
Today on the podcast, we discuss and define relational recovery while also addressing how to stay motivated as an unfaithful and how can you keep the momentum going for both the short term and long term. The fact is, it takes grit and perse
Why Is the Unfaithful So Hot and Cold? Understanding the Push-Pull Dynamic
Have you ever wondered why the unfaithful seem so hot and cold? One minute they're pursuing the betrayed, showing signs they are 'all in.' The next minute, they seem aloof and selfish, if not downright resistant and cantankerous that anyone
How to Know If the Unfaithful Is Still Using the Betrayed
How do you know if the unfaithful is using the betrayed for their own insecurities or affirmation, and what are the warning signs? Do unfaithful partners actually use their partners or spouses to feel good about themselves? Sadly, the answe
ATU Shorts SE4: James' Journey: A Message of Hope
I wrote a journal entry yesterday with no real intent and it turned out to be about my journey to where I am now. A journey I'm still on, to be sure! It isn't my chapter-by-chapter story but it highlights what the journey itself has been ab
4 Reasons the Unfaithful Avoid Hard Conversations
Why do we unfaithful seem so committed to avoiding hard conversations, especially those about our infidelity or addiction? Why does it feel to the betrayed, that we just can't seem to discuss anything emotionally difficult or anything that
Finding Healing During Holidays & Anniversaries
For the couple endeavoring to heal from infidelity or addiction, the holidays can be not only confusing, but disorienting and highly triggering. From reminders to intrusive thoughts, to confusion over what once was to questions about what w
5 Signs of Emotional Immaturity in the Unfaithful
Is your spouse or partner emotionally immature? What qualifies as emotional immaturity in the life of the unfaithful and isn't an affair a significant marker of emotional immaturity? Today we'll share and break down the understanding that e
When Is It Time for a Therapeutic Separation?
Have you ever gone through a 'therapeutic separation?' Looking back, do you think you needed one after discovery? Maybe you're contemplating one now for you and your spouse or partner? The reality is, a therapeutic separation doesn't have t
ATU Shorts SE3: Terminal Uniqueness - The Value of Surrender
Have you been feeling like your situation is not like anybody else's? Do you find yourself planning your own way of dealing with your behaviors and the effects of them on your partner? This video helps explain why that isn't the way - and w
Breaking the Reaction Cycle of the Unfaithful
In healing from infidelity, the unfaithful can often times be hostile and reactive early on in the healing process. So much so, we can fall prey to what we've identified as 'The Reaction Cycle of the Unfaithful.' From guilt and shame to ang
ATU Shorts SE2: How to Feel & Deal with Your Feelings
As an Unfaithful, do you struggle to identify what you're feeling i the moment? When you react, what are reacting out of? What is the feeling and how do you regulate your feelings in a healthy way so that you are able to be responsive not r
3 Warning Signs the Unfaithful Isn't Committed to the Betrayed
It's one of the most common questions asked by a betrayed partner: "How do I know if my unfaithful is really committed to the relationship? What should I be looking for?" Today we answer those questions and more. Today's podcast is not only
Communication Style the Betrayed Need from the Unfaithful
Previously on Ask the Unfaithful, we discussed four harmful and toxic communication styles of the unfaithful. If you haven't watched or listened to last week's podcast on those particularly wounding communication styles, we'd like to highly
4 Harmful Communication Styles of the Unfaithful
If we unfaithful are honest with ourselves, we'll have to admit that we can not only be harmful in our communication styles but also selfish, egotistical and irrational at times. From narcissistic tendencies to blame shifting and deflecting
What Are the Two Most Overlooked Keys to Recovery?
Anyone who has spent a significant amount of time in recovery work, whether unfaithful or betrayed, will tell you that recovery work is simply put, "not for the faint of heart." There's something unique about talking to someone who has 'bee
5 Signs of Emotional Intelligence
How emotionally intelligent are you? What about your partner or spouse, how emotionally intelligent are they? What even is emotional intelligence and why do we need it and how does it help us? Before we can assess either ourselves or our pa
6 Signs of an Emotional Affair
"Was it actually an emotional affair?" "Was I really sharing too much with them?" "I didn't know I was crossing lines with them, how was I supposed to know....maybe you're just overreacting?" These statements and more continue to permeate s
