Diva! Conspiracy Girlies! (w. Karen Kilgariff + Martha Kelly)

Welcome to Brief Recess. I'm Michael. Today we're going to be talking about the contentious Pam Bondi hearing, TMZ Guthrie conspiracy theories, calls to deport Emily in Paris, which comes directly from me wondering whether or not Kirk Coo Bang was murdered or committed suicide. We have an incredible interview with Martha, Kelly and all of I'm going to answer all the questions from your dms, so stick around. Well, thank you for joining me. Everyone. You may notice that Melissa is not here, but I've got an extra special guest co host, Karen Kilgarrett.

Hello, I'm welcome. I'm so excited to be here.

Melissa.

I'm sorry, my best I had to come to LA because there's a detention center here that I had to go to for work. And I was like, hey, Karen, do you mind if I film my show in a while i'm there?

And I said, no, I'm sorry, you're going to have to rent it from us. What else were you doing?

Sure? I ven mooted you for the speaker.

Feet Yeah, Absilly did you go? How was it? Oh?

It was great to go and see my client who's there. There's this like weird thing happening where well, it's not weird, it's fascism.

But it's weird, though.

Yes it is. It is fucking weird. But there's this like Afghan families are getting arrested by ICE. And they're Afghan families who have helped the US government and military in Afghanistan during the war. So it's kind of insane because they're here as a si lees from the government that fell because of America's interference. Yes, and they were translators, they were intelligence people who brought their whole families over when the Taliban took over in Afghanistan and then lived here for a couple of years under a different administration and now are being scooped up by ICE agents and being held at detention centers. Horri fine and so but I mean it's great because when I go to the judges, they're like, girl, what.

Yeah, oh good? Immediately is a whack.

Yeah. So, but it is like administrative paperwork. Just to get in front of that judge. You have to like get the bond motion prepared, which is a nightmare, and a lot of times people are detained so you need things signed, which is how are we going to get it to them? So we have to mail packets out. It's a whole rigamarole. I mean, it's a disaster.

Thank God for you going to work every day and just doing it and like having the attitude that you do, because just even in that where it's like so so these people who basically sacrifice everything for America and for democracy, their reward is to be brought here and have democracy. And soon after they arrive.

Exactly, yes, exactly, And it's like to flee that, come here and then experience that, it's like damn, yeah, can I catch a fucking brain.

Just fucking trauma after trauma?

Yeah, yeah, I don't know. It's like going from one bad boyfriend to another.

It's it's your boyfriend controlled everything the world. It's so beyond I mean the idea that's simultaneous to updates like that. Yeah, then it's also Epstein, left, right and center.

This will drop a week from now, So we're recording a day after the Pambondi hearing. So if we're a little out of touch with what happens and how that develops, I just made a video today about Pampondi lying in front of Congress. Yeah, just the notion that it's one thing to spin stories in the media like Trump does all the time. Right, he defends, he denies, but you're under oath, you're sworn in, Like what are you doing? Yeah, this is perjury, this is a felony.

And it's now so normalized. It seems like watching them go up and speak over and over again, say just do their their rehearsed lines like those things, and everyone's trying to kind of get know.

Everyone's like, you're do we even listen to my question? Like you're saying, what's happening in the Dow Jones we're talking about victims of sexual violence? Like what is did you even hear us?

And you've gone one to eighty on this topic?

Yes, yes, exactly.

It's just insanity.

It's insanity. Let's do a little sidebar. So this is our segment where we talk a little bit about sort of like what's happening in our week right now, just what I talked a bit about what's going on in court, Yeah, with the Afghan families that I'm working with. But it doesn't have to be whatever you want to talk about.

What's happening, what's happening in your life.

I would say the biggest thing, and this is very common in this it speaks to how much I'm addicted to TikTok, but then also the kind of what feels like a little bit of relief in all of this, like absolute tsunami horror, and it is that the Bad Bunny Show. And then these subsequent families watching the show, so it's their reaction shop for nine minutes, I've watched at least five differ diferent families for the entire show, just them watching the show, and it is.

Oh, that's cool. That hasn't hit my feet at all.

It's just like so it's they're so excited, they keep recognizing the references. They know exactly what's going on. So then you're having this like secondary experience of like, I just enjoyed the fact that I knew how hard it would be to do that follow shot the entire time, and that the grass.

Was moving like a producer liter like, how did they pull this off?

I meanwhile, they're like the last Puerto Rican social club in New York City. There is the one who owns it called the Club.

I was like, as a New Yorker, I felt very I had this sort of fomo where I was like, oh, I've never been to that taco stand, and now I never will be able to get in because it's going to be packed. Yes, it's going to be backed. Yeah, and every time I go. But I just I loved the I love spectacle. I love like the spectacle of it.

Melissa and I talked a bit about Bad Bunny and in the lead up to the boat the super and what we were excited for. And I don't watch the super Bowl at all. Yeah, but I watched the halftime show. I did watch. It was really fun.

It was so good. I mean I was worried because Kendrick Lamar show was really unbelievable. So I was like, well, how can they do like how can they do it?

Yeah? And Trump was like, We're going to have our like alternate, our alt kid rock protest show and.

And and it had ten thousand viewers.

Yes. And there's a video of Trump's party for the super Bowl where they had a huge screen with Bad Bunny playing. So you didn't even watch his own protest show. He was watching the Bad Bunny Show.

Yeah, because it's amazing. Also, it's that kind of thing where I think they did it. They slipped it in so perfectly. It was just like suddenly it was starting and you were like, it was like you were watching a movie. Yes, so you couldn't really like or not that you couldn't, but like it was hard to tune out because you were suddenly like, well, what's this a commercial?

Yes, a movie?

Another TV show, And then you're in it and it doesn't matter what language you speak, because you get exactly what's happening.

Yes, and now okay, so my feet is trying to force Emily in Paris down my throat. Fifth fucking season of Emily in Paris? What kind of visa is she gone?

She bought the apartment? What's happening?

Can you buy an apartment in Paris? You're an American citizen who's sponsoring your visa?

Is Emily still an assistant or did she get like four promotions?

Yes, exactly, she's got the fierce wardrobe. Deport Emily in Paris. That's the one person who should be deported right now.

Get her out.

I can handle it. But yes, thank you for hosting me in La I love it here. It's so beautiful.

We're so happy to have you is that weather as crazy as it sound? Now, you grow that this weather right this weather right now is so bad. I'm wearing eggs, like I'm freeze.

This is freezing. Okay. So I was at the hotel pool this morning before I had to go to court. That is how cold it is in New York. I'm like, if there's a window of light, I'm standing in it like a cat. Like if there's a sliver of light, I'm taking it up.

So is it still snowing?

It is unbelievable. It had snowed. It snowed a month ago, and then it was a deep freeze to sub zero temperatures. So the snow was beautiful for a couple hours and then became a solid fucking rock. So if you fall, it's like backbreaking it is. People are getting jackhammers to get their cars out. There are these guys going around New York with jackhammers, hammering ice to get cars out because it's.

Not calm, Like that doesn't happen every year.

Never happened. I don't think I've ever remembered. I've been in New York almost my whole life, and I've never seen this before. It's really unbelievable. You know, dogs piss on it and then it freezes, so it's just like a museum of like dog piss and shit everywhere. It is disgusting. It's actually, don't go to.

New York right now, like hanging an amber like an old dragonfly Jurassic Park. You know what? That makes sense now because I saw a video and I thought it was just like random people fall down video, but it was a guy who was on a very slight incline down by.

So it looks like, oh, well, he's never heard from again, right.

Because it looked like they walked into a skate park that froze and then he slid down a thing and he literally couldn't stand and he couldn't make any movement out and his girlfriend's laughing and filming him.

That would be me. I'm that girlfriend. Na.

He's like, baby, help me, please, you gotta get and she's like, no, what are you talking about?

I tell Brad, if you're gonna fall down, it better be memable content, and I better be filming.

And it kind of always is memeable content because yeah, truly, there's nothing fun you.

Let's live stream his funeral, all right, let's take a break. So this is your algorithm is show, and we're going to get into a quick dive into what's happening in our algorithms. I've seen a couple big headlines hitting and again we're recording a week out, so these things will update and I'll try and maybe I'll do drop in if things changed drastically. But Nancy Guthrie updates Savannah Guthrie's mother.

So I am late to the game. I missed a lot of this. Have you been following it all?

Not at all? And people were talking to me about it on Super Bowl Sunday as if we had been watching it side by side the entire time. So I was like, I just pretended like I knew what they were talking about. But I was like, it's starting to sound like the most serious word salad is the world.

Yeah, and I was like wait, and then I'm now I'm googling and I'm trying to figure out. So we did a little research. Her eighty four year old mother has been missing since January thirty. First, it's February twelfth now, so that's like a couple of weeks.

Yeah.

FBI released nest footage of a man in a ski mask. I saw it. It's really spooky. It's really scary.

It's so crazy that every horror like horrifying thing is now caught on film.

Yes, yeah, it's very Those nest cameras are really even just the guy stealing the Amazon packages off everyone's.

Porch is chilling.

It's chilling, but we don't chop it down is on anymore, righte guys, because yeah, we can't support Bezos after he please now obliterated WAPO. TMZ has actually been really breaking a lot of this because they're getting these letters sent to them.

They're involved, they're involved.

And they're just like passing them to the FBI. So it's really interesting. I mean, TMZ to me was always a gossip brag. It was always celebrity gossip, what's happening in the news. But they arrested someone the other night and then he was released a few hours later. There have been reports of activity in someone's bitcoin account. I mean, it's just really spooky.

I don't like, can I put a theory on the table, yes, do it? And this is a theory. I hope I hope this woman is safe. Yeah, is there a possibility TMZ planned all of this? Because no one cares about celebrity gossip anymore. Whoa, No one cares about that kind of what used to really distract and occupy us. Yes, it can't match anymore, so the Lindsay Lohan, I'm drunk outside of a restaurant, guys out.

Of our Yeah, no one cares, No one cares, and their viewership is down. I heard a conspiracy theory that Savannah Guthrie had interviewed all these Epstein oh yeah victims, which I didn't know about, and now when I google it, I can't find anything about Savannah Guthrie interviewing Epstein victims because the whole feed is covered in her mom's abduction.

Yeah.

I've actually dealt with some hostage situations before. There's oftentimes I get, Yeah, I get calls from people they had a family member at the border who's being held by the coyotes, the people who traffic people across the border and the cartel. The cartel will hold them and say wires ten thousand dollars or we're going to be head your family member, and it's like their uncle. So I've had to deal with some hostage situations before. But usually what happens is when someone's held hostage, you get the demand pretty quickly. So whenever I've had to deal with it, we get a demand immediately. They say I'm holding them hostage and this is what I want, and we're going to kill them if you don't give us the money.

And I will say usually when those clients call me, I say, they will kill them, like that is something that they do. They have no problem doing it. But there's no demands that are at least being released by the FBI on Samanna gu three.

So just this vague kidnapping. Yeah, this blooming, kind.

Of ominous, threatening guy in a sche mask. And now we're just kind of getting these letters to TMC that are being passed to the FBI. It's been a weird week. Did you see they opened Kurt Cobain's suicide. Okay, so this is like breaking news for the nineties.

I thought you were going to say the thing of somebody was talking about that. They're talking about that there's aliens. They confirm there's aliens in.

The end, Well, there are so Roth Hernandez in here to tell us we got that one. No, But he died in nineteen eighty four at age twenty seven, and at the time it was world to suicide and it was huge, I mean fans across the world.

I mean I remember that day.

You remember that day?

Oh yeah. We were in Golden Apple Comics, me and Brian Posain, my friend and some They said it over the radio. It was the nineties, so the Trestrow radio was playing and the DJ came on and was like kurk coo Bane is dead at twenty seven and then we just were like eugh, and we just left and walked up or drove up to our friend's house and everybody met at one friend's house and we turned on MTV and then just watched like everything made it was the world, yeah, because he was. They were gigantic.

It was devastating to you personally.

It was we loved them, I mean that whole like because it was Pacific Northwest and I'm from northern California, so it was that kind of like the boys that made it big wow. And they were always so like I've got an old shirt on and you know, I like feminism, Like it was very hopeful.

And their lyrics have survived like the time, oh yeah, right, like they're still very relevant and meaningful now. I think about that with TLC as well, like I do, Like I listened to their songs and I'm like, this slaps this still hits hard. Yes, but I wanted to talk to you about this. Two days ago, a peer reviewed paper presented ten points of evidence suggesting Cobain was confronted by one or more assailants rather than a suicide. Discrepancies they noted include the autopsy report, blood splatter, ballistics, body placement, capped syringes, and a suicide note. So they did a full breakdown. The investigator said, the original autopsy report shows organ damage associated with oxygen deprivation. The quote is the

necrosis of the brain and liver happen in an overdose, it doesn't happen in a shotgun death. So he allegedly committed suicide by a shotgun. But with new DNA evidence, with new medical techniques, they assess it again and it looks like there is potential foul play in this case. Yeah, which is crazy. It's over twenty years later. Police said he injected himself with ten times the normal amount even a heavy heroin user would have used.

He was a heavy heroin user, but ten times, but ten times what he would.

Use, and so I'm I guess I'm curious, and CJ correct me if I'm wrong. He injected ten times the heroine and then shot himself with the shotgun. That seems sucks, CJ.

Can we get the answer on that, because we're not sure.

Yeah, that's what the original finding was was that he took so much heroin and then decided to kill himself afterwards. But what they're saying now in this new report is that that would have been impossible if he got through three of those needles, that he would have even been able to lift the shotgun.

It's so that's I'm like, I kind of can't process this as it's happening, so I like keep going like, wait what, it's all surreal?

Also wait what?

But also how did we miss this or who was keeping it under wraps?

This?

Yeah, everything's coming out.

Yes, you know who was who investigated this? Because the quote is where's the quote? This investigator says, we're supposed to believe he capped the needles and put everything back in order after shooting up three times, because that's what someone does while they're dying. Suicides are messy, and this was a very clean scene.

Now we've all seen. I haven't seen anybody shoot up in real life, but in every movie you never see somebody shoot up all this stuff and then go like this and put the cap back on.

It's not a get ready with me, it's a for a haul, makeup tatorio, get back on. You're enjoying the high, you.

Immediately start enjoying that high, and cleaning is not involved.

In most headgunshot dets blood is often drawn into the airways, but his autopsy didn't mention that spooky this is going to be. We're going to see something happen here. I feel like we're going to get some sort of breaking news. But the new and investigators are not asking for arrest. They're just looking at the evidence. So there's no actual suspect here. But I think CJ correctman if I'm wrong.

They talked to the police who investigated this, and the police were like, it's closed. We did we did the investigation, we ruled it a suicide. It's over.

Interesting.

So folded up in his pocket was a receipt for the shotgun and a suicide note, which was all about how he hates being a celebrity, he hates being in a band, but the only part about suicide was in a different handwriting at the bottom, in someone else's.

Handwriting, So it honestly sounds like fargo of hit men. They were there like, uh, here's what put the receipt in his pocket? Like none of that.

It's the guy's from home alone.

Coming in and shoving receipts and what's the fun. It's so hacky.

Yeah, and wait, but now I'm like mad at myself and society. How did we accept this? How did we miss this?

We were we were living off the fat of the land in the nineties. Nobody wanted to look at anything. We were just all like everybody be quiet, especially the white privileged few, who was like, I pay three fifty and a month for rent. I will not acknowledge anything else happening in this world.

So it was very much like, oh, what we're being told is the truth? Yes, and wow, okay.

You have a piece of that. When when you're being lied to and you're like, well okay.

Okay, works for me, they're like, why would the police light to us right? Yeah, okay, okay, cool.

That's nothing I can even broach right now, because yeah, I.

Have to warn we'll have to cover drop guns on a different episode. We don't have time.

We'll have to cover receipt as facts, receipt pocketed receipts as indelible facts and evidence in court.

A shotgun receipt. Fold it up. That sounds so perfect. Someone who's done that much heroin to fold it up. Yeah, for taxes, origami, the old Yeah, what is the Yeah?

So stupid, there's there's people here. It was just like we've known this for twenty.

Five I know someone is yelling into their at third while they're driving down the freeway.

Watch a fucking documentary like Michael, go ahead, well now we know.

Now we know, and think, Yeah, thank you to the investigators for looking into this. I mean I hope they I hope they reopen it.

I'm fascinated because that all that sounds so insane and stupid.

There's no way that's not real.

Cap On the heroin needle is pretty I wish someone if you just told me that, I wouldn't have gone along with it all this time.

No, and yeah, I'm pretty skeptical. I don't think I'm like a conspiracy theorist.

Like to think, but now we all are.

I do think Sylvia Brown was actually psychic. That is my hot take.

Something near water, I see drown something near water.

Honey, the land, Honey of the land. And honestly, I'm like, yeah, honey, the land. That's true.

It is true, it's the land. If you get a noun in there, you just get a really affirm you feel strong about a noun and throw it at somebody, they'll have to agree.

That is the whole premise of mad libs. And you just get a noun in there, you're good.

Yeah, just be like the land. Am I right? And people are like, yes, I'm spiritual too.

We're getting we're getting reports of nouns in the.

Studio that is mind blowing.

Isn't that crazy? I know I really broke you. I'm sorry. I really came in and said please sit down.

At one point I was like stop thinking you're on a podcast on video right now, because I was like, wait a second, if that then this because.

I know we're living together, Karen and I are getting dinner later and we're going to do a full We're.

Gonna do a full, beautiful mind.

I want to be that that meme of that guy where it's like a corkboard and he's circling stuff and he looks like crazy, I can't believe this.

Yeah, what else is coming? Wait, it's so much the handle?

What else is coming? Martha Kelly?

Our guests publican woman makeup filter is coming to save us.

All forehead corner our next segment. So we have an extra special guest in the studio today, Martha Kelly. Let's bring her in. Let's she's on wires. We're going to have her lower down.

Oh nice, good, like a little angel.

Well, welcome back to Brief Recess. We are here with our extra special guest. This is Martha Kelly. Welcome, may Welcome to your ears. Martha Kelly, thank you for joining us. We were just talking about your neils.

Thank you for beautiful. They are press on.

This is your camera, show them.

These guys are press on because underneath is a is an absolute massacre of stubs.

So, and how long were you a hand model?

For?

About forty five years us, if you don't mind, and I mean now, what's in now is crooked fingers, and which is lucky for me because I runs in my family that your your hands turned into crooked branches as you get older. Yeah, yeah, and so I'm like we're new market.

Yeah, for hand modeling. The kids love it.

They love everything about getting older kind of a nart.

Those are good press on nails though, because sometimes when those are they've got a good shape and size to them. Because when I do press on nails, I have to get like women's extra large toenails, like the big toe fits on my pinky. Really, because I'm just a giant man hands, I can't get a big enough press on. So, yeah, you know it's about what I'm getting the what is it the Sally Henson. Yeah, press on toenail. That's when you know it's Halloween in my house.

Well there's a niche in the market.

Then, yeah, there is.

Yeah, you have some nice man hand.

Press on especially as gender is becoming more and more fluid spectrum is gender like, we need need representation matters, We need press on nails that fit all hands. Yeah, I've always that.

I absolutely support toenail sized press on nails for people with larger hands, and I would support if they would make shorter press ons for people uh with uh with tiny nail beds where everything looks look how long those are. That's not that's not good for me. I'm not a.

No, I think I think it's giving Northern New Jersey.

Thank you.

You have more secretary's life, so you need, like we need to be able to type. You need to be able to.

Answer podcast prolific type is hell book on the show. Well, thank you for joining us, Martha. I'm just so thrilled to chat with you. You and I have been TikTok besties for a long time. Yes, I followed you on the socials. We've become friends that way.

Yeah, And I.

Thought it would just be fun to chat with you.

You.

I've seen you everywhere. I've heard your voice everywhere. I just was excited when I was coming to LA, I was like, can we get Martha on the show? And Karen and you go way back?

We do go way back. We go back farther than Karen even knows, because I was a fan of hers before we ever met. Oh yeah, you mean my grammar school stuff, the stuff that you were doing in fifth grade. No one was doing that right. Yeah.

I was on the playground. I was the girl who would bully and it was groundbreaking and it was fresh, it was exciting.

Listen. Representation matters. Yeah, that is so important. You know, we need more girl bullies. Yeah, like we need it.

Here's the thing. I knew of Martha Kelly when I started stand up, but I didn't know how good you were at stand up until I saw you in La do a set, and I thought, I just you were friends with all the same people I was friends with, So I was like, just probably a regular old stand up And then when you see Martha Kelly go to a comedy club and rip those people and new you will not believe your eyes and ears.

She's truly one of the greatest middle aged woman destroys Heckler. It's like it's my YouTube channel.

You've seen her videos she's done at a time.

So you came through the stand up comedy scene in Austin, Texas, right, Well.

I started in LA and then at two years I decided it wasn't fair that I wasn't rich and famous yet in La, so I said, to hell with you guys, I'm moving to Austin, and I moved there and did stand up, which was great because you can get more stage time and smaller especially Austin in two thousand and I moved in January two thousand, so you could get a ton of stage time with no industry people seeing you mess up. And also like the level of acceptance for alcoholism. There is a lot better than here. And I'm an alcoholic so I've been sober a long time now, but when i want those like this, I can drink every night with all these Austin comics and improv people.

And if you're not the one punching the weight staff, you're like, you don't have a problem, you don't have a problem.

Yeah, it's like that in the South. I went to school in New Orleans and it was very supportive of drinking problems. Yeah, yeah, they're really.

Can't you drive through places and get hard strengths?

And the law in New Orleans This is a legal podcast, so let me just do a quick legal shout out. The law new Orleans is that if you get the dakri drive through and you get pulled over, as long as the it's a it's a styrofoam cup with a plastic lid, and as long as the straw isn't in it, it's considered a closed container for dewee purposes.

That is really wild. It's really wild in Louisiana.

And they also sell bags of dakri where it's like a slushy machine, and it's just a basically a plastic shopping bag that you can just kind of drop a straw into.

That is wild.

Yeah, it's great. I mean, if you could go back in time to went before you were sober, it would have been a great city for you. Would have done numbers there.

Yeah, Marc, you and I would have gotten our own bags and then sat on the couch and then gotten drunk.

With plastic Ralph's bags full of dakers.

Ralph's oh no.

And maybe some camel camel whites, camel white on the couch.

Yeah, you both were smoking.

Yeah, yeah.

I still think if I ever found out that I had a terminal illness, I would start smoking again.

Why not? What about the terminal illness of reality?

How bad?

Just get in there.

I'm paranoid about the only I only know two people this happened to, But I'm paranoid that it's a phenomenon where people who quit smoking for a long time and then started again very quickly got terminal lung cancer. One was my friend's dad and one was was it Peter Jennings. It was one of the popular news guys and he started smoking on nine to eleven, and then I think it was like just a couple of years later he died of lung cancer. So I think of like I think of my lungs hiding potential lung cancer going if you ever give us a chance to break out here like.

Those cicadas that sleep for like seven years. Oh yes, yeah, it's like that. I do think about cigarettes all the time.

Now.

They're great, real I don't want to you know what. They're great.

When I was in my twenties, sometimes I would wake up in the morning, I'd be super hungover and immediately light a cigarette because I was trying to be as like what I thought was like edgy as possible. Yeah, but no one was there, Like.

You were alone.

You're trying to prove to yourself camera life, like what are you like?

What?

Who was it for? I don't know what I was doing. It's so embarrassing.

Oh my god, you're looking and now you're looking back and you're like, girl, what were you doing? Girl?

Who are you showing off for?

No one's in the room.

I would do that the Camera of Life smoking while driving around Long Island. That was my thing, and we would smoke. Disgusting they weren't even like good ones. It was like, yeah, menthol Capri.

I was gonna say, did you ever smoke Capris?

Whatever we could get our hands on because we were like fifteen.

Yeah.

So it is that one addiction where it's like my husband, it's like, you're not allowed ever, even if you're drunk, no matter, no matter what, it's the one thing. Yeah, you're not allowed to touch them again because it is you will pick it up instantly.

Yeah.

I have to say, though, the cigarettes and cloves that we smoked as teenagers are the best you'll ever smoke. Is when you're I don't want teenagers to start smoking, but if you do, those are the most enjoyable cigarettes you're ever going to smoke.

Yeah.

Yeah, there's rebellion just in that three minutes. You're just like fucking mom, dad.

Wild.

They were big in the eighties, which is when I was a teen, and they were they were lung.

Burning, laced with flavors.

And I told you this story. I think when my mom found clothes in my pocket because of course I was too stupid to hide them. I left them in my jeans pocket after like going to a concert or something, and all because my mom was a psychiatric nurse, so she had a lot of tricks, and she came and just threw them on my desk and goes, I mean, you can smoke those if you want to, but they have little shards of glass and them that rip up your lungs. And then she walked away.

And it was they put fiberglass in them. So I don't know if that was like a legend.

Absolutely it was a lie that parents told their kids. But then I was just like, oh my, and then you're like, oh yeah, you can feel it.

Because and then you form a glass vase in your lungs from the close cigarettes, and how lovely.

A beautiful red rose, and the beast comes and turns.

Into a brin.

And that's how morano glasses made. So we're seeing a lot of you lately. We've got four Head Corner. We've got Republican.

Women, makeup, filter, make up.

Pilter, my favorite, your cat, Gary, Gary. We've got Euphoria.

Coming up in April beautiful.

And you've become a meme from that one line in Euphoria, which is wild because that day my head was swollen because I had had my.

Hair colored dark the day before, and they did it twice because the first time it wasn't dark enough. So when I saw that that pre trailer come out with just that me in the window with my head, I was like, that can't that can't be what my head really looks like. Please God, please don't. And then I looked up you know the monster guy from the Goonies. Yeah, that's what to me that I put those pictures side by side or your head your faces too, I was.

Like, was swollen from getting your hair color because.

They lost Why were your eyes on even?

Why did I only have one sprig of hair coming up out of a bald head.

And you grew three feet?

But okay, yeah, I mean and I lost a couple of teeth.

Beautiful transformation.

Yeah, it was well because I had an allergic reaction because they left it on for like an hour and a half. I mean they did like two forty five minute cycles of hard, hard Look your hair.

Dye, I mean your hair is not that light?

No, but it had been for a while. For several years. I thought I was a person who wanted light hair, but then once I got it dark again, I was like, well, my natural color is dark, and the light hair looked always looked a little weird on me. But you know what, we live and we learn.

It takes time to get your own personal style together. Yeah, many decades for me sometimes.

Yeah yeah, to just figure out how you want to express yourself. Sometimes it's press on nails.

Sometimes it's a gigantic head. Sometimes it's a swollen head on a just on a TV show that millions.

Of kids watch.

And not only that, but it'll be the one clip that gets released for the entire preview eating up to the show. I just keep seeing that there's show that hasn't aired in five years, and this is the one window into the show that we get. For those fans who've been waiting five years. It's your swollen.

Heads so big, that big old goonies guys starting that's not true, Martha, and.

Those people that have been waiting love you. Those fans love you.

I'm startled by gen being nice to me. I thought they would hate me because the character is so mean to Zendaya. And also, I just expect, as you, I guess, as you get older as I have, I always expect the younger generations to be like you, old battle axe, you know, but they're really nice. I think generations have gotten progressively nicer since jen X, which is what I am.

I think they were like, that's enough trauma for everybody. We're gonna ye head in the other direction. It's not working out.

Yeah.

And also I don't see your characters being like mean, true, I think you yeah, I guess yeah, this is a drug dealer, this is a danger.

Yeah.

I will say your performance. And I did not know you. I didn't even have TikTok when I first saw you on the show. So this is like, you know, this was the dark ages really like we were slab and Chisel still, like this was back analog, Like yeah, so my husband and I like talked about you and your performance as Stranger. I really did not know you at all.

No one knew me on the internet, and we were like, that was the scariest performance, portrayal, casting writing. It really was spooky dookie.

Well I'm glad. I'm glad it was spooky dookie because that is my that's my school of acting. It's like there's method acting. And then if I could remember a single acting teacher's name, this would have been a funny bit. And then the third thing would be a spooky.

I can't really trying to go through my files for you and jump in.

I could sella somebody Stella Adler method acting.

There are a movement one, there's like a movement one.

Oh yeah, that's somebody's last name.

Good thing. None of us are actors, and yeah, thank god, you know.

When I'm not an actor, I can't remember a goddamn line for a word or anything. I can't do it. Yeah.

I do have a hard time with.

That, but it's only critical to your job.

Yeah, I just that's the one thing that I buckle down and force myself to memorize my lines because it's the only thing that I can ever confidently bring to an acting job is well, I came on time and I know my lines. Beyond that, it's on you. You hired me.

What are your tricks of memorizing do you have any? Well?

First, I just read it over and over again, and it starts to sync in like when you listen to a song over and over but you're not trying to memorize the lyrics. And then I just start remembering it naturally. And then I practice going through line by line without looking at the script. But the other other thing that I'm really lucky is that I don't ever have long monologues, Like, I've never had a part where I had to memorize tons of lines. And let's keep it that.

Way, keep it sure, just drop in character.

It's such a lucky thing to be a character actor because you don't you never have the pressure of carrying a show and you don't have to memorize sons of lines.

It is the best gig. You get to come in, yeah for what a couple of days a week, maybe, Yeah, blow everyone away with being that little that little punchy smoky dookie, spooky dookie. You get to just kind of breathe a little life into the scene, into the show, and then you're home by six.

Yeah. It's fun and it's I always think about how after the first season of Three's Company, the Ropers got their own spin off, and I always think about, like that is a cautionary tale for character actors.

We're always saying that it was Ropers are cautionary tale all the time.

It wasn't good.

It got I think it got canceled after one season, and I don't know if it even lasted that season, And so I I've always felt like, yes, of course as a comedian. When I started out, I was like, I want to be like Roseanne or Jenning geroffalo like I want to just skyrocket to the top. And then yes, that.

Was your thought. You're like, I want to be a famous smoke.

One of the great smokers.

Let me get enough money to where I can smoke and drink all day and not have to worry about brat.

Do you remember looking at the cartons of cigarettes and being like, who could possibly afford that? I remember that thought of being like, oh no, I'm on a case by case basis here, like where if I could buy the three pack, I would, but we're not in Europe, like I'm saving up for that full pack of cigarettes.

Although, Michael, I have to tell you, because you weren't born at this time, there was a time when cigarettes went up to one dollar a pack and we were scandalized. So by the time you were smoking why burning down buildings, you could still get them from vending MISSI Jeans, And I think when I was an early teen you could get them for like seventy five cents, and then they went up to a dollar and then but I think by the time you started smoking, they were probably already like ten bucks a pack.

They were four. Okay, yeah, I'm completely bald, so I am a little older that, so please be respected. Please respect that. We talked a lot about your hair this whole episode, and it's been really I'm sorry, it's been really inconsiderate. I have to wear wigs, I have to wear a full lace front, and snatched it off you in the first segment, so I do feel like, yeah, I'm a lot older. And we used to go to the Native American drive through cigarette on the reservation.

Oh really it was.

I grew up on Long Island, so there were Native American reservations and you could buy cheaper cigarettes and it was four dollars a pack. That was Those were the days we.

Had things called And I think there's one here in LA like cigarette stores. Yeah, we're literally they're just a little it was just.

A hole in the wall whatever. Cigarettes.

Oh it's so funny. It's like, I think the one in Padlum is called discount cigarettes. But every time I drive by, I'm like, stay stroll.

That's the land of the Free and the home of the brave right there. One of the last the fruited plane. Well, you're also in Fallout, Do you want to tell us a little bit about.

That, John jpm season two, Yes, you've got a really huge role.

I mean Billboard's skydiving. It's lowered on wires. We said earlier.

I did get to do a stunt, but I didn't do the falling down part. I got to do the beginning part where the congresswoman gets pushed down the stairs, the steps of the building that they're outside protesting. But these two extremely cute stunt guys held on to me. So they're playing the guards who pushed me down.

How cute? Sorry, could you just describe them a little like.

A dream body?

Cute?

One of them I worked with before.

His name just you have a long relationship with him.

I hadn't seen him since twenty sixteen, and I was so happy to see him. And it's like and the other one I think might have been a little man's rights activist vibe.

However, because he actually pushed you down the stairs.

He pushed me down some stairs before the camera was rolling, it's wrong.

I think it's wrong. Michael might feel Michael might disagree, but I think that's wrong.

He he But it's like firemen were.

Where they push you down the stairs where they push.

You down, they go. Get out of the way of this fire, ma'am.

It's not about you start making it about you.

We're deep stairs boots. We could do it. We could do ue. You're not supposed to owe her before you're going to go to rakers. I think that's the other vocal stem we could do for euphoria. I don't know if you have a way to contact them, but we could probably.

Just drop them a line.

Drop the line type with your nails.

Click clocking. I do think of your voice in my head saying Diva every day when I'm doing something that I'm messing up, I'm like Diva just the.

Water everywhere people people reach out to me and they say that they talk to their pets that way.

Yeah.

When the dog is, you know, eating ship, they're like, diepo, you're not supposed to do that. Eat a pool.

Thank God, that's the one one thing my crazy dog doesn't do. Yeah, because some things do like to thank God. I would I would have to put her down. I would never, just would never.

Because last week we had Peta on the show, we had a spokesperson forst Me to come out and talk to us. About Vintage first, so I know it was actually great. Okay, I loved it. It's actually it dropped the day we're recording, so today I really loved it.

It was fun Peter billboards that were like they drew animals but with really sexy human bodies. Yeah, yeah, so weird.

Yeah, I just know. I walked past a PETA office one time somewhere in LA and there were grewsome color photos on the window of the office and I said, I'm so sorry. I'll never be joining PETA if you have to look at that stuff.

Yes, kat we asked her about that. We were like what. She was like, yeah, we have to look at it all the time.

I can't.

I couldn't, And I can't follow them on Instagram either, because I'm like, this is going to keep coming up on my feet. I don't want to see that.

I do like, I donate to the Humane Society, and specifically the Nebraska one. What's the famous city in Nebraska, Omaha, Omaha. They have a shelter there and they have a great social media account, so I started donating to them.

You've got a little rescue pets at home.

Yeah, my two cats came from a shelter in Austin, and then Macy came from a shelter in called One Park, which is temporarily closed because everybody got distemper, which is why.

The pets are the people who worked there, the people.

No, the pets, all the dogs. Yeah wow, So and raccoons carry it. So we had a big fat raccoon, which is my favorite kind, on the back fence a couple of weeks ago, and I was terrified of my dog. She was trying to get it, and like, oh, yeah, they carry distemper and it's like a tragic So I'm just bringing everybody down for no reason, but.

It needs to be discussed.

Yeah, it's a scary. So but I got her there in two days before Christmas in twenty twenty three. It was heartbroken about losing my longtime dog Rosie, and then met Macy and like, yeah, well at first I was scared of her. She's quite big and she was just silently staring, sitting in her kennels, daring and sometimes dogs are very still before they snap. Yeah, so when I approached her, I say.

That about you. They did crap me for.

Thee You're going to snap.

This whole time we actually we had like a full meeting before I'm serious. The producers pulled me aside and they were like, she does slash out, so like, please make her over. We're going to see you across the table from she cobbles people up. But yeah, she were afraid she was going to snap at you. Yeah, she's and you're also really tall. You're like six four six.

I'm actually seven feet tall. A lot of people don't know that because it isn't true, but but I am. And I was scared, and I approached her and I said are you Is this a friendly stare or what are you doing? And I got close and she didn't growl, so and she put her nose up, so I petted her and then I was like, she's sweet. She's way too big for me. And she's a shepherd husky mix.

Oh that's cute, really big, She's really she's really sweet, but a giant, a gentle giant. But I walked I walked away. I was like, okay, maybe, but she's really too big. And when I walked away, she started whining. So I went back and yeah, and petted her more and then said, okay, you're on the short list, and the only other dog that I felt the connection to.

Not the Pygmy girl.

There was a froggy looking little bulldog mix just sitting in her a little kennel, and I wanted her, but my counts would bully a small dog, so I got Macy.

I mean it's so hard to go to the pound though, and walk around looking at dogs. Yeah, with depression, it's the worst thing in the world. Yeah, Luckily that that shelter. Why I love them so much is because they they had a lot, They have a lot of adoption events. They were having one that day and there were a bunch of empty kennels because dogs had gotten adopted. And then they don't try to.

Can I do something insane?

I'm sorry, are you tuxting Donald Trump?

Buddy?

I don't know. Listen, buddy.

Sorry, that's like real life immigration law right there. No important, I'm sorry. Sometime yeah, it's other lawyers sometimes call me and they're like, and it's about someone who's like getting deported. So I just have to like be available. Yes, you can happen. I'm sorry.

I'm so glad that you do that. Michael. I admire what you do.

Thank you. I will say we were going to talk about this.

If you stormed off just like get.

Fucked, I'm so sorry story and I have its silence, which means that they had been calling. But people have been saying that to me a lot lately. I'm just like, thank you for doing this, like thank you for this work, and I like, I don't know, I feel that I've been I've been like grappling with what to do with that because I've never really been thanked this much before in my life. But I just don't know what to do with I'm just not used to gratitude. I think just I've always just been the help or the doer, the the fix it man, and I don't know, it's been like affecting me emotionally, so like you said that, and I just like had to bring it up. I just like I see all the things that other people are doing to support me and the work, just the Internet,

people volunteering, people getting involved, and it's really it is like making me emotional because people saying like thank you for the work that you do that hasn't happened for the past nine years and I've been like doing immcretion law for that long and I've been going to court and like it's just very moving, not from like a personal I need the gratitude in order to feel satisfied perspective, but like I feel it feels like you've been working towards a thing. Maybe this is what you feel like in your career, like you've started getting these roles, like not when you were nineteen, but like later, and it's like it's just like fucking vindicating and validating to be like fuck, like I have been on the right path

or like doing the good work. And it's it's very motivating for me to get out of bed and have a crush of people be like you got this, like great work. I'm so happy to see that you're doing that that I've never had to navigate this space with that. So it's like, whoa, this is so new and exciting and invigorating. But it's also like it's new, it's just processing a new emotion that I just never really had before.

It's also probably or maybe if I don't know if you can relate, it's overwhelming to have people be really nice and supportive when you have gotten used to a life where people, maybe your family or something, are more stoic. Yes, like mine were that way. And it's not that they didn't love and support me, but boy, they hated to say it out loud.

Are you are you Irish?

Yes, my dad's Catholic.

Yeah, yeah, you're Scottish.

Oh yeah. If my dad's proud of me, he has to tell my sister to tell me.

Yes.

They can't do it directly that Michael. It's like the situation that everyone finds themselves in is so frightening and cinematic and insane. And I mean, and that's just us who are lucky enough to be observing it from the outside. So then to watch you just like blaze through the center of it with like Diva, don't go to rikers.

It is this kind of thing of like that you represent people who are who are dedicated and have been dedicated thanklessly to like actually help and do something. And I think it's like just to be even ye to be able to tell.

You I want to correct the record. I'm doing it with y'all, like I am doing this, like with the support and guidance of the people that follow me, the people that reach out to me, Like that is what gets me to that place where I can say dipa and go to court and deal with something horrific and then push it away and go back to life where I have people who are supportive of me, who are telling me that stuff, like it really is a collective, Like I do not work alone, and there are so many people that support what I do in ways I will never meet them and I will never know them, and I won't know what they do because they're a translator somewhere, or there's someone who is a stenographer or working, Like you don't realize the people that volunteer for a

nonprofit a thousand miles away who did the work intake with that homeless migrant who ends up a year later on my desk, Like it's just my You don't realize, and I don't realize, so it's like thank you. However, Comma, it's with everyone else, Like this is not like Michael did this alone, and I never want anyone to think that.

No, no, But also you're so supportive. We talked about Minneapolis one day on My Favorite Murder because we were just like, we have to talk about this, so we have to say it out loud and people have to be continue talking about it. And later that day Michael texted me, Hey, reach out if you.

Need anything else.

It was so embarrassing. I was like, this story I was not trying to get across to the audience, was that this is really hard for me. But it was like the idea that a man in the front lines is like, hey, let me know if you need it. It's like, nope, I don't. I don't mean any That.

Was just like, I don't know. That's the care network. We just take care of each other in my life.

It's great, It's really sweet.

Yeah, and you're there entertaining me through it all when I'm watching fall Out in bed, playing games on my phone in the middle center in the middle of America. It's a crazy show.

Yeah, it's a crazy show. And can I just say one thing about the immigration stuff and how how painful it is and how enraging it is. During his first term, when there was a picture of Pence standing outside of a chain link fence with a crowd of adult male immigrants who were in this behind this fence, acting like it was just they weren't human, just standing there with the attitude of because people a lot of people focus on like, well, there's women, and there's kids, and there's families and that's to try and reach people who don't have empathy. But an adult man, even a men's rans activists, no one deserves to be treated like that. And and I can't. I just can't handle the way. I couldn't handle being immersed in that. Even if it was to

help people, it would it would drag me down because it effing enrages me. And I know that people who do the work that you do have to have some It's like therapists, you have to have some way to protect yourself so you can help people. And like veterinarians and anybody who I mean, I don't know, I said veterinarians instead of human doctors. Listen, get me off my soapbox, edit this up.

Are going to blow up the internet with your attack on veterinarians.

But it's like people, everyone personality can help in the fight somehow, Like it doesn't just have to be like people. I think I get a lot of the attention because I am loud and I am fearless, and I go and I do it. But again it's this like crush the mob of people behind us who are really thrusting us to the front, and then we're just kind of like the appers. We're learning our lines and we go in front of the judgment to that.

And it's the benefit of having the Irish Catholic parents who don't reward you, because then you're the kind of person that's like, I'll get my reward and I'll work and no one will ever thank me, and I'll not only survive, I'll thrive.

I'll choose a career where there's literally winners and losers.

Yeah, like we have like yes, and you've won, Martha Kelly, you have won.

So we actually asked you here today to read a text message from my ex boyfriend in your sort of terrifying voice. We thought it would be good for a couple of dramatic readings, so if you could, you don't have to learn the lines.

It's okay, I love that it, but we would love you to be off book if possible.

Great, give me, give me thirty thirty minutes to four hours and I'll be off book.

Here's the first text.

Do you want me to just told it?

And this is so for context. This is a text I got for my ex boyfriend after it's been about I want to say ten years.

I'm mad, already already mad, Okay, please, you.

Had put it down into your vase.

Okay, grow a flower of rape?

What what acting coaches that? That's the kill garriff?

Still a kill garriffs. Okay, Hey, Michael, I know it's been ages, but I wanted to let you know that I saw what you're up to, and I'm so glad you finally found your thing in life.

Dad savage right wild?

Just an absolute sea word.

I don't know.

I don't know if you guys cuss on this, so I'm not cussing, but.

It sounds like a passive, aggressive Midwestern how wife is.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm so glad you finally found.

Your finally found your thing.

Like I was walking around, shoes off, wandering into the cigarette store, and now.

Your thing is that you knit hats for dogs or something. Yeah, no, fans, Martha.

I know that is a huge part of your career and you built this prolific knit hatting.

I have a loom at home and it's just for dogs.

Okay, And then can you read the Milania Christmas book quote? No, it's not a touch screen. Honting. Diva was serious about the typewriter. That's how we booked her.

Oh, Malarnia.

Okay, what do you call her movie?

I call her Melopia, Millarnia, Melopia consentos in the dark does he wear night vision goggles that make every tin green? I bet he's like that because Santa likes green. First of all, he wears red.

Sorry, no, this is a clip for context. I gave no setup for this. For context. This is a viral clip of Milania reading a Christmas book that when completely people lost their minds. This is a couple months ago, but it is.

So, it is real.

It's real.

Yeah, in the Dark is real.

Yeah, yeah, it's a children's book.

Santa can turn into fire. But she says he likes green, and I'm just saying you're wrong. It's red. But anyway, it goes on or heat the vision goggles, and I'm sorry, I'm about do a terrible accent.

I thought it was great.

Oh wait, she got me because okay, or heat vision goggles because he might like read better. She got me. Santa goes up the chimney the same way he goes down, and I have no idea how he does that. Okay, there's no way he goes up the same way he comes down. No, he can't.

You would just walk, just walk out the door.

And when you go down, you simply let gravity take you. If he's going up helm, you simply let gravity.

Driven into the basement. Every time he's going the same.

Way he's flying a four story house, he's gravity is sucking him down.

Why is Malona even Malonia even talking about this.

Though, because she's a banana.

No one in that family should be allowed around children.

The holidays are like at that house, just people blathering about with the.

White Christmas trees.

Yeah, or he the vision goggle. Get out of here, get out of the Christmas party.

Beautiful reading. Thank you Mary. Do you have anything you want to plug? I mean I talked a bit about the shows. Anything you want to make sure that we know about? Fore Head corner and that's on your.

TikTok is Martha Kelly Tiktac.

Yes, which is your Christian name?

Yes, Martha Kelly TikTok.

And you don't have to work because you're from the TikTok Empire.

I am, and I and people your age don't know this. And Karen's younger than me too, so I don't know if you remember this. When tik TACs hit the scene, you could not contain the excitement of a child, little plastic box with mens in it, the way we went bananas.

We called it Grandma's Gold.

She always had something in her purse.

That was so weird, that is insane.

You just could never understand CERTs TikTok, the Mints and Grandma's purse. Yeah, it would bust you out of like true like a nine am mass malaise.

Yeah.

In church, the Mints really kept you going.

They really Yeah, wait, should I hand this back to you? Sure? But before Tiktoks, all Mints came in little rolls like SERTs and Life Savers. And then Tiktoks made made their debut.

Yeah, the market wide open.

It was so exciting.

So you can follow her, Martha Kelly, TikTok On TikTok.

Yeah. And then so Euphour You comes out April twelfth, and then a movie called Poetic License, which I have a special place in my heart for and not just because I got to be in it is the stunts I got to do that comes out May fifteenth, and it stars never mind because I will get the name, one of the names.

We're going to throw them up on the screen for you with your mouth.

Yeah, we're going to do We're gonna it stars Nicole Kidman, The Stars Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman and their reunion debut.

Eyes two more Masks.

I tried, which by the way, I twice have tried to watch that movie, and each time it gets to a point where I say, what, how is this a thing?

Like? My eyes are snap shut for this one?

I fell asleep both times. Is actually is God's honest truth?

Are you? Are you asleeping early?

Yeah? I can't. I don't watch TV until the end of the evening and then I fall asleep within forty five minutes.

The exact opposite of what doctors say to do about say they don't watch Blue Light right before bed, and you say, you know what, you know what.

You can't tell me what to do?

That's right, tell me what to do next. I have a tattoo that says that, and I showed it to in the car once you did.

I love it?

Lower back?

I do sorry, we tell I do. Want to just clarify that the Men's the men's rights activist, potentially other stunt guy, was perfectly nice to me. It was just a vibe, but like firemen. It doesn't matter if they're sexist or chauven is because you feel like they're saving your life.

That's right.

So they pushed me, but how long to the coda was wearing to keep me from falling? And I was in love with both of them anyway. I just wanted to clarify, not to disparage him. It was just a vibe. It was a vibe.

But then you had to like truly trust. It was like a trust fall where they could have done some damage wres.

But but I've been on twice. I've gotten to be on a wire and terrifying and then thrilling, and you want to do it all the time.

Really does it hurt? I feel like the harness is kind of.

Like you have to wear basically long John's and a long sleeve shirt so that the harness doesn't dig into your skin, but it's padded and stuff. And then I just wanted to be a witch flying through the trees. After the initial are you sure this isn't going to break? This doesn't I'm not. I'm scared what's happening? And then it was like get me, get me up in the tree.

Yes, what was that role?

One of them I can't talk about yet, and that which is I'm so sorry, we love it. I hate when people do the secret secret. I've got a secret.

It's good marketing, Martha.

But the other one was for Spider Man Homecoming, which is what I know Jess from. So I was on a wire and the elevator drops from under me, and it truly only dropped three feet and the way that I literally did cry the first take because I thought I was going to die, and like, she's so good.

It didn't even show you how far I was going to drop. They're like, let's just let's just take.

I think she's going to die.

It really was like so much reassurance that this is not even if it broke. Even if the wire broke, you'd fall two and a half feet, but also it isn't going to break, but it falls. And then Jess and another guy playing security guards pull me up, but I'm on a wire, so they're not really pulling me.

Oh, So the wire was really for them because I didn't want them to have to keep lifting you.

Yeah, I'm also like, it would be super dangerous to rely on people grabbing your hands to pull you up. Yeah, it would have I would not have done it without a wire, but I was still scared.

But just you're scared of open elevator shafts. That's crazy.

Yeah, it's weird. It's a childhood fear.

Yeah, that's the.

First time we really heard about that on the show.

So yeah, avoid them. I mean, I don't want to tell people how to live, but avoid empty elevator shafts. Don't step into them. Whatever you do, you know, avoid them.

And that is our that's going to be our major takeaway advice from this episode is to avoid open elevator shafts. We so appreciate you. I mean, you're famous for your your real life practical advice around elevator shafts, and I'm just so appreciative that you came on the show and share that with us. So you can catch Martha Kelly anywhere you get comic books and this has been for head Corner.

Thank you for having me, Michael, it was so great to meet you, and Karen as always great to see you.

Martha, You're number one, your number one.

So this is tell us from the Dams. Remember, while I am a lawyer, i am not your lawyer, So all my answers are for entertainment purposes only. Always consult a local lawyer. They will know your situation, your state, and your law is better than I will.

Hi, Michael and Melissa, A quick question for you guys. I live in Texas and I heard the Ice might be targeting a festival that's happening up here soon, and it made me nervous. I actually own a festival that has it's like medium size, ten to fifteen thousand people over a couple of weekends. If ICE happens to show up at it, am I allowed to bar them entry.

It is a ticketed event, so it is closed in except for those you know, ticket booth entry spots, so there is like a way to block But I just don't know if we're legally allowed to. The grounds are not owned by us. We rent them from a local nonprofit that does own the land. Also, aside from that, are we allowed to make an official announcement and let people know the ICE is there or help them hide or get off the grounds?

What's legally allowed?

You guys appreciate it, really, you love the show nice.

Thank you so much for calling. What an interesting question. This is like a unique situation because the grounds are leased and borrowed from a nonprofit. It sounds like so to answer sort of like the question and order, I would say, can you legally bar ice entry at ticket gates? And the answer is yes, Like generally it's yes, they're allowed in if they have a judicial warrant or some sort of like legal basis. Like I would say, if like someone was fleeing the scene of a crime and they're chasing the perpetrator into that area, then yes, but generally no, and that would be the for the police.

So no ice is not allowed, so you absolutely can. How it applies to ticket gates, a gated, ticketed entrance is part of a controlled access property. So if the access is limited to ticket holders and staff, then you have a stronger argument if you do bar ice from entering, because it's not a public area, right, It's not like a public federally owned park in the middle of the city, right, So technically it is more of like a like a private property in that regard, so they wouldn't be able to enter without a judicial warrant. Things you should not do are physically block, shove, touch officers, or get into it with agents. Just thinking from like a safety perspective, I want you to be safe. I want your staff

to be safe, even if you think they're kind of like overstepping, I would advise you personally and your team to sort of hold back and even if you believe they're breaking the law and the rules, I just don't want anyone getting hurt and I don't want any of your staff or you getting detained. So that is sort of how I would sort of share what you do there.

The best practices if you are at the gate is have like a trained lawn enforcement liaison, sort of like the person on your team. Maybe it's you, maybe it's someone you trust who's like the GM or head of security, who's going to be the point person if there is any ice presence. So and if it is you or someone on your team is listening to this, I would say, make sure they ask for ID from the officer and for the warrant or paperwork, and really read what they hand you, right, you don't want to just like take it at face value. Look specifically for a judge's signature on that warrant, because if it's not judicial, then you can state and like this is something you can memorize.

You could say, like I do not consent to you entering and make sure that like someone sort of got that recorded on film. Can you make an announcement if there is ice presence there? Yeah, generally yes you can because it's part of like a security You can say federal agents are present at the front gate, like that is absolutely something that it's typically not illegal by itself, but it does get kind of risky if the announcement is framed or coordinated in a way to sort of like help specific people evade the laws. So like a general announcement is going to be safer rather than saying, like, hey, if you are undocumented, I know there are X number of undocumented people here or whatever. That is where we

sort of teeter over into the area of obstruction of justice and evading evasion, aiding evasion. That is such a weird like bucket of vowels. Even if it is sort of like technically First Amendment protected speech, your operational steps around it can kind of create exposure legally. So I would just keep it really general. Let people know just like as a general, FYI sharing this information that there are federal agents here at the front gate, or there could be potential presence, especially since you said, you know that there is more of an ice presence in Texas, but thank you for Thank you for sending in a question.

You can always send us questions to Tales to the DMS, and I look forward to reading your question on the air next time. Thank you for joining me at Brief Recess. Thank you Karen for being my incredible co host. Thank you Martha for being our incredible guest. It was so wonderful chatting with all of you, and I will see you next week when my ass is back in New York.

This has been an exactly right production recorded at iHeart Studios, hosted by Me, Michael Foot and.

Me Melissa Malbrant. Our producer is CJ. Ferroni.

This episode was edited by Nicholas Galucci.

Our associate producer is Christina Chamberlain, and our guest booker is Patria Kottner.

Our theme song was composed by Tom Brifogel with artwork from Charlotte Delarue Manessa Lilac with photography by Brad Obono.

Brief Recess is executive produced by Karen Kilgareff, Georgia hart Stark, and Danielle Kramer.

You can find me on Instagram at Department of Redundancy Department, or on TikTok at Michael Foot.

And I'm on both Instagram and TikTok is. Melissa Albranch.

Got legal questions, reach out at brief Recess at exactlyrightmedia dot com. Listen to brief Recess on the iHeartRadio, a Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts, and of course we're a podcast with video. Search for brief Recess on YouTube

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