Awkward Thursday: HOA Candy Crackdown

0:00 Ooh, we're starting the spooky season. Hey, it's Brooke and Jeffrey, your second day podcast. And we've got a new special, actually our.

0:06 First, I think, of the season, Halloween edition.

0:10 Yeah, that's right.

0:11 It's always this time of year.

0:13 Those requests trickle in.

0:14 Yep. This is Awkward Thursday, so we're going to get to that in a second. But what do you see? What's haunting us on the comment section?

0:21 Danitza Pantev is haunting us. She said, Guys, my husband and I are in a disagreement about something. I need your input. In the Awkward Thursday intro, who is saying Thursday? Is it Jeff or Jose? We have a high stakes bet between us on this, and I need your answer by the weekend, please.

0:36 Thanks.

0:36 High stakes.

0:37 I'm not in any images.

0:38 It is Jeff.

0:41 It's Jeff.

0:42 I wish.

0:43 I hope you won. Yeah.

0:45 I hope we didn't just help your husband win.

0:46 Sorry.

0:47 I wonder what was on the line.

0:48 I don't know.

0:49 I hope it wasn't divorce.

0:50 My husband and I bet a million dollars all the time.

0:52 Oh, a fake million.

0:54 Yeah, yeah.

0:54 Got it, got it.

0:55 Or one day in your will, it's like, here's what I owed you, honey.

0:59 I mean, it's all the same money, so.

1:00 I guess you're right.

1:01 I hope you won the big bucks. All right, let's get to your brand new awkward Thursday.

1:06 Thursday.

1:09 Mo's all right now.

1:10 The thing that makes holidays so special is all the traditions that come with them.

1:16 Oh, for sure.

1:17 Oh, I love Christmas.

1:19 The family recipes that are passed down through the generations are that are also printed on the back of a Campbell's soup can. Yo, my mom literally lost her recipe card for something, and we're never going to eat it again. Because my grandma's fruit salad, which is thankful. I'm sure it's printed on the back of some Betty Crocker thing.

1:36 Yeah, it probably came from that.

1:37 By the Jell-O box.

1:38 Yeah, the decorations that come out of storage every year.

1:42 Yes.

1:42 And the holiday prayer that turns into a 45-minute political rant. We do them every year because it makes us feel nostalgic. And that's why the guy on the phone today desperately needs our help.

1:55 Because he says his HOA.

1:57 Is threatening to fine him hundreds of dollars if he goes through with his favorite Halloween tradition.

2:04 What?

2:04 And now he needs our help saving his beloved tradition in a brand new Awkward Thursday phone call.

2:12 That's next. It's Awkward. It's Thursday. It's Awkward. Thursday.

2:17 Phone call.

2:19 Who doesn't love a little controversy on this show now and again?

2:23 Ugh.

2:23 How about every day, Jeff? Let's go.

2:25 Yeah.

2:26 We take it all. School controversy, celebrity controversy. airplane bathroom controversy one of my favorites but today one of our listeners has been embroiled in a.

2:39 Local neighborhood controversy.

2:41 Okay and doesn't know where else to turn to get results because the problem involves halloween candy so david you definitely came to the right place welcome to the show man Yeah, thanks.

2:56 I've heard your show a few times, and I always thought you guys were kind of dumb, no offense.

3:02 So you have listened. That's interesting. Yeah, that's proof right there. Yeah, yeah.

3:06 My sister talked me into it. She thought I should email you about this, and.

3:10 Hopefully you can help. Your sister sounds like a very wise woman.

3:14 Oh, very dumb. Unwise in a wise way.

3:17 She's definitely wiser than me, that's for sure.

3:20 Okay, so what is this neighborhood controversy that made you reach out to us?

3:25 We have an HOA and everyone's got different opinions. It's just a mess.

3:29 In my opinion, it's just kind of a mess sometimes.

3:31 I've always heard awful things about HOAs.

3:34 Never heard a good.

3:35 Thing about one. So what's going on with yours?

3:37 Well, this year for Halloween, the HOA just sent out a notice, and it's probably the dumbest thing I've ever seen them put out.

3:44 Oh, boy.

3:46 I'm excited.

3:46 Yeah.

3:47 Sorry.

3:48 It could be anything.

3:48 The dumb people on this show are like, yay, HOA notices.

3:52 It's like a joke.

3:53 Give us the tea. How dumb is it?

3:55 Well, normally it's like, you got to put your trash here, you got to cut your lawn, blah, blah, blah.

3:59 But this is like, this is a mandate. They're saying that everybody in the neighborhood... has.

4:04 To avoid handing out full-size candy bars this year, and they can only hand out smaller, fun-size candy bars on Halloween to trick-or-treaters.

4:12 Avoid?

4:13 No king size.

4:15 Yeah, what's the reason for it?

4:17 They said they want it to be consistent through the neighborhood and avoid making... Some families feel like they're pressured to match the candy of other families.

4:26 What?

4:27 Oh, my God.

4:28 That's all those families.

4:29 Why would you feel pressured because somebody else is having a king-size candy? My neighbors, like, build an entire haunted house that is free to the public.

4:39 Cool.

4:40 I don't feel pressure to also build a haunted house.

4:43 Don't get me started.

4:44 There's stuff about how many decorations we're allowed to have outside.

4:48 That's where I fired off at them.

4:51 I was like, you kept telling me not to hand out full-size candy bars.

4:55 I do that every year.

4:55 I'm surprised you even said anything. I would have just thrown that in the trash and then done what I wanted to do.

5:00 Exactly, because Halloween is not about being fair. Nobody ever said that. It's trick-or-treat.

5:07 Yeah, I probably should have thrown it in the trash, but I kind of sent a note back to them telling them that their idea is dumb in like all caps.

5:16 Oh, like our show.

5:18 Yeah.

5:19 What did they say back after you said it was dumb?

5:23 Well, the next day, the HOA president, Julia, came to my house and I was just like. Whoa.

5:30 I do not have the time for this.

5:32 I was in a bad mood and I just.

5:33 Started yelling at her through my ring cam on the front porch.

5:36 Oh, that is the only way to handle it, my man.

5:39 Now there's documented footage of it.

5:42 Bad move on my part.

5:43 What were you yelling?

5:44 Well, she was just like, you know, don't, like, come to my house and, like, yell at me about freaking Halloween candy, right?

5:50 Like, unbelievable. Like, the kids know I've got the good candy bars.

5:55 I'm so with you on that side.

5:56 But what if Julia was just coming to, like, find a common ground with you?

6:01 Like, I don't know.

6:02 No, she's trying to stop him from luring more children to his house. He should be allowed to lure as many kids as he wants with as big of a candy bar as he wants.

6:10 I mean, Brooke makes a good point, though.

6:12 Maybe she's like, look, I'm going to talk to you face to face.

6:14 Because I think we can calm the situation down.

6:16 Rather than escalate.

6:17 She was coming at me because of my sassy response. She had her own sassy response. She basically said to me, that if we're going to monitor the kids' candy and if any kids come back with king-size candy bars from my house, they're going to be fined $ 50 for every single bar I give out.

6:34 You are going to get fined?

6:36 That's what they said. $ 50 per bar.

6:38 $ 50? $ 50.

6:38 $ 50. So you're going to spend $ 1, 000 if.

6:40 You give out.

6:45 Okay, so you're coming to us asking for a loan from Brooke so that you can give out the candy bars and still pay off all the funds.

6:52 No, I was going to tell them to be the most popular house by handing out potatoes.

6:55 Remember, kids love that.

6:56 Oh, yeah. A joke.

6:58 But if they're king-sized potatoes, I swear to you.

7:01 Yeah, yeah.

7:03 So wait, where are you at now? You're still.

7:05 Well, it started with the emotional reply back, right? I just need to calm things down. And I do need to apologize to Julia.

7:13 For running my mouth. And hopefully that, you know, I wanted to understand my side.

7:18 Like there's a few kids in my neighborhood who come into my house for years and they know I give out the good king size bars and I should be able to give out to my regulars.

7:27 Right.

7:28 I mean, that sounds reasonable. And I'm happy that your mission isn't. hey, we want to use the power of radio to steamroll an HOA.

7:35 Oh, I thought that was going to be fun, though.

7:37 I think we're all behind that. It just never normally works.

7:39 No, no.

7:40 This is for the kids.

7:41 Like, it should have nothing to do with the HOA.

7:43 Like, let them have their holiday.

7:45 Well, and, like, the idea that you're pressuring other families to give out King Size 2 is silly.

7:49 Yeah.

7:50 Give out whatever you want. I don't care. I love that.

7:54 The kids get so pumped when they're like, look at this big freaking candy bar I got.

7:58 You're the cool house.

7:59 Everybody knows the cool house is give out.

8:01 The king size.

8:02 Well, you should be allowed to have that privilege if you want to do it. And it sounds like you know you got upset in the moment. You're now trying to walk it back and find a happy medium. So that's what we'll try to help with when we come back and give you our advice to save king-size candy bars this Halloween.

8:20 Are we calling every.

8:21 House in the neighborhood to convince them to be on our team, or are we calling one person? I think we're starting with the HOA president, and then we'll work around the neighborhood from there with your awkward Thursday phone call right after this.

8:31 Thanks, guys.

8:33 It's awkward.

8:34 It's Thursday. It's awkward. Thursday.

8:37 Phone call.

8:38 Who should you be more scared of in life? The IRS or the HOA president?

8:45 Honestly, it's like the three letters.

8:47 I don't like it. I know. They're both definitely up there. And our listener, David, has officially pissed off the latter. Because his HOA sent out a notice a week ago telling everyone in the neighborhood... You are not allowed to hand out king-size candy bars this Halloween.

9:03 Yeah, the cool house.

9:04 David sent back an emotional email about that, then got into a ring cam fight with the HOA president.

9:10 After he refused to open the door for her.

9:12 So now he needs our help making it right and hopefully being granted permission to give large-size candies out to at least a few children who've come to expect it. So how does he accomplish that? Brooke, what's your advice?

9:28 Okay, you've already said, David, that you need to apologize to her, right?

9:32 Right.

9:33 Do not use the word but after your apology, okay? Because it totally negates everything you say in your apology.

9:39 Oh, my gosh. Try however.

9:41 Yeah.

9:43 Sounds more regal.

9:44 I mean, just fall on your sword.

9:46 Don't worry about whether she also apologizes.

9:50 Don't get emotional because then you need to pivot.

9:53 And start negotiating with her. You start with like, how about I hand out 20 full size bars and then maybe you get down to like whatever number you feel good about.

10:02 Right.

10:03 Oh, negotiate that way.

10:04 Yeah.

10:06 Oh, all right. I see. Now the gears are turning. Jose, what's your advice? Well, she says you're.

10:10 Going to get fined $ 50 for every king-sized bar that you hand out.

10:15 That's crazy.

10:15 But, yeah, who's going to monitor that?

10:17 Because if it's her, she's going to be busy. You are inviting her over to your brand-new Halloween party that you're going to throw.

10:27 And she's going to be drunk.

10:28 With special guest Drunk Julia.

10:30 Yeah.

10:31 You guys are going to be best friends. She's not going to be monitoring anything.

10:34 She totally seems like a party-goer.

10:35 Yeah.

10:36 That's half. It's a keep your enemies closer type of situation.

10:40 But you will probably have to invite all your neighbors as well.

10:42 I can handle that, I think.

10:44 Okay. Keep them in the backyard.

10:45 Keep them in the backyard.

10:47 There will be no houses to trick or treat at.

10:49 Yeah.

10:51 We've gone from helping him hand out some candy to you're throwing a giant block party at your house and giving the entire neighborhood alcohol.

10:59 Yeah.

11:00 I love Halloween.

11:01 How did the $ 50 fine get cheaper?

11:03 I know.

11:03 Well, let's see what happens. I'm going to dial the HOA president, Julia, right now. And we'll step away and let you make your awkward Thursday call.

11:11 You ready, man?

11:12 Let's do it.

11:13 Don't forget.

11:14 I think it's Madam President.

11:15 All right. I'm dialing you right now. Here we go.

11:25 Hello, this is Julia.

11:29 Hi, Julia. This is David from the neighborhood. David who? David Hale.

11:37 You're on the HOA board for our neighborhood. You may or may not remember, we had an exchange. You came over to my house. I sent an email about the Halloween candy and.

11:49 Hi, David. What are you calling about today?

11:53 I just wanted to call and apologize. I just wanted to let you know that I spoke out of turn and I didn't mean to.

12:03 Get so upset about the situation. I just wanted to talk to you about it.

12:06 Can I just stop you for a second? Sure. I mean, honestly, that's all I want you to do. I just want you to stop.

12:17 Okay.

12:18 Stop apologizing to you?

12:20 You know, I was trying to do a nice thing when I came to your place the other day. And based on what happened and what you said, I think that we are beyond that now.

12:34 Right.

12:35 And I'm trying to do the same thing now where I'm apologizing. And I'm actually, I'm trying to invite you to a Halloween party that I'm having.

12:44 That's cute, David. I'm not interested.

12:47 I don't understand.

12:48 Let me tell you something. The reason this email came out was because there were at least three families that complained about you during Halloween. So what I'm trying to do, what we're trying to do here, is to make it more fair for everyone. So I think for the betterment of our community, you should just listen to my emails.

13:16 No one's ever complained to me. Am I being targeted? I mean.

13:19 I.

13:20 Wouldn't say that you're being targeted because people are feeling uncomfortable, David.

13:23 Uncomfortable with candy?

13:28 Listen, David, we have a lot of different personalities here, and yours has to be one of the most difficult. This doesn't surprise me that you're being so hostile about something that is so simple. We tend not to do one small thing, and for some reason, you're the only one that is having such an issue when we're trying to make the community all be on the same level.

13:49 Oh, man.

13:50 There's nothing hostile about me. If you want it, we can get into all your insane paint color mandates or fence heights, but I'm not being hostile.

13:59 I'm just handing out Halloween candy.

14:01 HOAs, they're not for everyone, and we are more than happy to put your house up for sale, and we can help you find something different.

14:10 What?

14:11 What are you talking about? You can't do that.

14:15 We are the HOA. And we can do whatever we want. And I'm sorry, David, but I think we really know what this is about. Because there is a real reason to only be handing out big candy bars.

14:27 Let's say you're the guy.

14:28 With the big house, with the big truck, with the big candy. And obviously, you are compensating for something else.

14:37 Oh, my God. Is that what that means?

14:40 That is not what that means.

14:41 Wait a second.

14:43 What? What?

14:44 What is happening right now? Why am I hearing other people's voices right now?

14:49 It's going to be so fun for you right now.

14:51 Julie, the other voices you're hearing are the cast members of Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

14:56 Let's just back up a second here. Did you just say that I have small junk?

15:02 I didn't know that you could tell a lot about a person just from the type of candy that they hand out on Halloween.

15:08 I think you can tell a lot about a person where we're supposed to be. We're having a conversation.

15:12 You called me up.

15:12 We're having a conversation about something in our community. And you called a radio station.

15:17 This is inappropriate, David.

15:20 Yeah.

15:21 He wanted to do this right.

15:22 Julia, he does feel bad.

15:23 I don't think calling and telling me you're going to be throwing a party to start off your apology was an apology.

15:29 To be fair, that wasn't even David's idea. It was one of our ideas, and it was terrible advice.

15:34 That we gave him. Again, this is very, very inappropriate. I agree.

15:39 Come on. It's just an HOA. It's not that serious. Nobody's really going to get upset by.

15:45 A peace sign. She does not represent us. It's just like, come on.

15:49 It is serious to the people that live in the community, and I have to think about everyone's feelings and not just David.

15:56 That is so dumb, though. No, but a king-sized candy bar.

16:02 Isn't hurting anyone's feelings. We don't agree.

16:06 I can't talk right now when there are 10 people talking over me.

16:09 We don't agree with what that lady said over there. We think HOAs are important and a very valuable asset to every community.

16:17 I wish I had an HOA.

16:18 What you all have to understand is that candy is very expensive. We are living in an economic crisis. Not everyone can afford what David can.

16:25 Julia, think about it from the side of the kids that can't afford to go get themselves a king-size candy bar.

16:30 He's basically doing charity.

16:32 The issue is that they told their family that they feel bad that they can't pass them out as well.

16:38 Those parents are lying.

16:39 David, you're not a child. Get smaller candy bars.

16:45 Or you're fine. Listen, I know I called to apologize, and I want to apologize.

16:49 I don't think these radio guys are helping me out at all. I think they're kind of dumb here. Sorry.

16:55 What's not helpful about saying HOAs are useless?

16:58 I didn't say useless.

16:59 I said the candy thing.

17:00 Listen, I just know, I've been in the neighborhood for a while, and there's definitely five kids that I know are going to be expecting the giant king-sized candy bars.

17:09 And it's going to break their heart if they come up. And they know I can't give it out anymore. And just, like, think about those kids, right?

17:15 Just let me do five kids, and I promise I'm trying to compromise here.

17:19 Just those five kids. The rest will get the dinky whatever size you want.

17:23 Oh, that's a compromise.

17:24 Listen, we can do a compromise since you put me on the radio and I have to deal with this now for ten minutes out of my day. You can give those five candy bars out at a fine of $ 250.

17:34 Yeah.

17:34 50 bucks per bar.

17:38 Okay.

17:39 I'll come by later today with a check for $ 250.

17:41 It's worth it to me.

17:42 Oh, wow.

17:43 That's actually a really nice guy.

17:46 Hey, we did it.

17:47 He gets to give out candy and pay a fine. Good job, Brooke.

17:52 I hate HOAs.

17:54 Thank you.

17:55 That $ 250 will go to good use for our community. I thank you, David.

17:59 Taller fences. I agree. And as with the joy of Halloween.

18:03 Are you still having a party, bro?

18:07 I don't know.

18:07 I'll have a party.

18:08 Yeah, you guys can all come. We're not much help, but you can all come.

18:11 That's right.

18:11 Let's go.

18:13 Remember the dumb radio show that got you fined $ 250.

18:16 Just wait until Alexis pukes on your front lawn.

18:19 That's going to be another fine.

18:25 So look at that.

18:26 We didn't really help at all, and we got him fined $ 250.

18:30 Are we good at our jobs or what?

18:33 That woman was impossible.

18:35 Oh, man.

18:35 I mean, who could reason with her? I know, I didn't try, but still.

18:41 Yeah, but we are kind of like the gravediggers of terrestrial radio. We will excavate holes to bury our listeners in. We're the best at it.

18:50 Free of charge even.

18:51 Absolutely.

18:52 So if you want your own burial plot, we'll get out the shovels. Just email the show about your personal awkward situation and we'll give you our advice.