“We Didn’t Have a Name for It”: A Teen on the Manosphere

speaker-0: Hi, I'm Allison. This is Dear Teen. You ask, I answer honestly. I have a teen with me today who's going to ask a question from another teen. What's the question?

speaker-1: So the question is I want to know more about the impact of the manosphere on people.

speaker-0: That is a loaded question because people are incredibly opinionated about the manosphere. I will tell you, the first time I came into contact with the manosphere was years ago in a workshop with a bunch of teenagers and I had to go home and dive a little bit deeper into this content to be able to have better conversations with them. But I'm curious, do you and your friends talk about this at all? Have you seen any documentaries on it? Because there's a pretty big one that just came out. I was

speaker-1: The the documentary by Louis Theroux Honestly, me and my friends were not at all phased by the documentary. I think we realized I think we didn't really know a lot about the manosphere itself, but we realized after watching the documentary that like we had been experiencing it f for like many years already with a lot of like boys around us and also through social media. Like I basically didn't have a label for it. Like I had been watching like Andrew Tate and people like that come up on my feed and yeah, obviously it was shocking. I think the documentary we all found really shocking. But yeah, it was like we just didn't never had a label for it. But I think a lot of people I think a lot of men watching the documentary were more shocked than the women that watched it because me and all my friends were like, Yeah, this happens and my dad called me and he was like like that's crazy and like a lot of my friends were like, This is so exaggerated and I'm like, I don't think it is. This is very much real and we've experienced

speaker-0: So I've actually met students who went to Andrew Tate's university and who paid money to go to this this course he had. And I was like, d don't waste your money. And they're no, he's gonna make me a millionaire. I'm gonna have a Bugatti just like him. I have been flabbergasted by some of the young men's take on what they can do with this content and how it's changed them I've had two or three negative experiences where like a student lunged at me and it was like who are you as a woman to tell me what to do. It didn't actually phase me that much because I I just kind of I'm very tall and I just kind of said, Are you okay? I I think that you're upset about something. Let me let me try to understand You. Do you mind taking a seat? Let's talk about it. I'm happy to listen to all of your views. And that just calmed them down a little bit. But when I realized that to understand this and to help young men, you have to educate around it. And it's by watching things like this documentary or having information about it that's correct that I do think it helps them to see that this content. Isn't really great for that. But I don't know. How do you think it affects people your age? What did you and your friends say about people who get taken into this world?

speaker-1: I just think that it's so like damaging for younger kids. I think that a lot of my friends aren't gonna get as affected. But even some of my close friends like still say some like pretty outrageous things like in terms of like lifestyle they wanna live, things they have done, like thinking it's fine in terms of like I guess like relationships. Also, like if they make jokes, like they aren't necessarily like that funny, like I don't know, I think It's definitely like that kind of behavior is normalized and almost encouraged by these influencers. And I think that's really kind of the scary

speaker-0: Yeah. So could you just out of a teen's mouth explain some crazy things that you've seen on the manosphere?

speaker-1: mean from my own experience I've just seen how boys my age can treat women in terms of relationships in intimate settings like what they expect and honestly like almost like then being like forceful and like very pushy. they can just be kind of like aggressive and rude because they are kind of like almost arrogant and like they just like expect this from women but I think the things they watch conditions them to think this way and have these jokes even in their mind that they're able to say

speaker-0: so I always think that for a teenager out there listening to us, I just think it's really important that we talk about it with our friends and we realize also how much it impacts us And when we have people around us who are watching content like the manosphere, it can impact us also in a romantic setting. And I think that there it's also very clear to have proper language to say no to somebody. Would you agree? Yeah.

speaker-1: And I think also if we're talking about that, it's just tells a lot of young men that they can basically do whatever they want and then saying things not just in an intimate setting but in general, it just makes them think that they don't need to take what women say seriously, they can keep asking, they can keep whatever. I just yeah, I think it makes them doesn't want them to listen to us.

speaker-0: So I have come across young women in classroom settings who have defended the manosphere and who have thought it was really good and positive, which was actually a shock to me. How do you describe that for your age group?

speaker-1: I honestly think defending the manosphere it's just perpetuating such toxic masculinity and I think this come from a place of extreme insecurity in all the cases I've seen it very much a case of like wanting validation and almost like attention which like obviously I can almost like feel for them they have they think that this is the way to do it. But I think it's really weird, especially when anybody supports the manosphere 'cause it's basically just extreme toxic masculinity.

speaker-0: I do I have a lot of empathy, weirdly, for the young men who get pulled into this because I think that this content kind of sucks you in at first like in a playful way. And then the deeper you get into it and at first you might even think it's funny. Like, ha ha ha, look at him. Ha ha ha. And then it kind of drags you deeper and deeper and you start to believe some of this stuff rather than laugh at the content. From a teen's perspective Would you agree with me on that?

speaker-1: Yeah, honestly I do think so because even some things I have also been like questioning. I think that a lot of this like makes a lot of women question like self-worth and like what their kind of worth and purpose is. I think that like I've definitely experienced that and I think a lot of my friends have as around me as well. I mean you see it within the documentary, like Just like with how women think that they deserve to be treated.

speaker-0: So I just want to say this because I think it's really important that all teenagers get this information. if you listen to content like this, you have to pay attention. They repeat themselves over and over and over again. And there's a reason why they're doing it. It's a really old trick in the book. If you repeat something even if it's not true, people start picking up on it and take it as a truth. So they just repeat this very negative. And harmful content about women or about making money and they pepper it with truth. So I do want to also say they say a lot of true things too. Like if they say go do sports, it's good for you. It gives you a dopamine boost. Yeah, that's true. It's good to do sports. I agree. If they say don't vape, like Andrew Tate famously came out and said, I agree with that. if they say you should be accountable. I can agree with that as well. So they'll they'll pepper some very big truths and then they interject over and over and over again, like almost subliminally negative things. And then the deeper you get into the videos, the more they just are blatantly saying, like, women should belong to us, we are men, and you are women, and that's it. Does that make sense to you?

speaker-1: Honestly it does, I don't think it takes away or adds to the fact that they're still perpetuating such a toxic narrative to such a young and impressionable audience. And the truths that they say are not groundbreak breaking truths. for example, go to the gym, don't go on your phone, na na na, whatever. And also they're saying good things, but like they're even putting a negative spin on it, 'cause they're saying these things that are usually good, but they're leading it to this persona of being super masculine, super manly, super old.

speaker-0: I agree with you. I'm just explaining the mechanisms of how they work and that they actually are scamming you to get into your head and change your opinion about things. And that is what really disturbs me. And also that the audience is so young. And I've had a few parents come to me who have told me they are just horrified by their son. who has gotten taken into this content and they're like, I don't know what to do anymore because they can't stop talking about it. you're a young woman and this podcast is for teenagers. I I maybe want young boys to hear the voice of a young woman. from your opinion, that that is actually not what young women are looking for and that you find it toxic. Would you agree with that? Do you think most of your friends see that?

speaker-1: I think I definitely agree, that's not what the majority of women are looking for. However, there's also this mindset that women have as well that's like the men should provide, the men should do this, the men should do that. And I think that's where young boys get confused. And I think that a lot of people who are with these influencers are in like really bad situations. Like in the documentary, like you see it, and like unfortunately I don't think they've been like educated on just the standards of a relationship or the standards of like respect to one another

speaker-0: you touched base on something really important. You said there might be someone who does want to have a little bit more maybe of a traditional setup where they have a partner that provides for them and they maybe decide to stay home with their children. That does not mean they want someone who is toxic. That does not mean they want somebody who treats them with disrespect. Do you have any last comments to any other teenagers out there listening?

speaker-1: maybe it's because I'm a little bit older and this content is newer, but I just find it ridiculous to even think people can listen to this. And so I would just say remember like who you're listening to and like just take a step back and actually think about what you're like watching and about how it's affecting you or how it would affect like just people around you in general because it's just so crazy and so disgusting and toxic.

speaker-0: I am also constantly surprised at how many people do not take this seriously and how many people do not know about it. Because it is affecting a lot of young people, both girls and boys, also people who have nothing to do with the manosphere are affected by it because of those in their classrooms. I was I was at a school and the girls told me that they had a sixth grader dress up as Andrew Tate for Halloween, and the teachers didn't even notice. that it was Andrew Tate and then he used profound language during the party. And I asked them, I was like, Did you report this to the school? And they were like, No. And I was like, actually you really need to report this to the school. This is a sixth grader. He's like twelve. He needs help now. Like his parents need to know right now. So I wanna thank you for this conversation. I hope that anybody who is listening to this understands if they're dealing with this in their school, they're not alone. We're gonna end there. If you have a question, something you think about at midnight, something you'd never say in class, send it to askdeerteen at gmail.com. You can also ask us questions in the anonymous links in the show notes. No names, no judgment. I'm Allison. This is Dear Teen, and thanks to our teen today. Bye.