100. One Hundred Episodes of Hope

[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to the Helping Couples Heal Podcast, a place for healing and hope for couples impacted by betrayal, resulting from infidelity and or sex addiction. [SPEAKER_00]: Your host is Marny Breaker, licensed marriage and family therapist, certified sex addiction therapist, and founder of the Center for Relational Healing in Los Angeles and San Diego, California.

[SPEAKER_00]: The helping couples heel podcasts was launched in 2021, with the intention of bringing hope to couples all over the world, who are desperately trying to recover from the devastating impact of betrayal. [SPEAKER_00]: Realizing how many people the podcast was reaching, and that we could offer even more support to our listeners.

[SPEAKER_00]: Marni Co-founded Helping Couples Hule, which has since grown into a global online coaching organization. [SPEAKER_00]: This podcast is a foundation of all the work that we do at Helping Couples Hule. [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for listening. [SPEAKER_00]: Marni brings over a decade of experience and expertise in the field of betrayal trauma and is honored to support you wherever you may be in your healing.

[SPEAKER_00]: If you've lost hope, you've come to the right place. [SPEAKER_00]: Now, they can slow deep breath and let's begin with the helping couples here podcast. [SPEAKER_01]: Hello everyone. [SPEAKER_01]: Welcome back to the Helping Couples Hill podcast. [SPEAKER_01]: This is Marty and I would also like to say welcome to the 100th episode of the Helping Couples Hill podcast quite honestly as you might hear in my voice.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm overwhelmed and emotional. [SPEAKER_01]: I suppose about the fact that today is this milestone and I wanted to take some time today to talk to you about what this 100th episode means and what it represents to me and [SPEAKER_01]: I want to first say that the very first episode of Helping Couples Hill was released on May 7th of 2019.

[SPEAKER_01]: I cannot believe it's been almost seven years and I want to thank all of my listeners [SPEAKER_01]: long time listeners who I know have been listening since the beginning and all of my new listeners who might have just found me as recently as this week. [SPEAKER_01]: I want to know how important this work is to me and I want you to know that launching this podcast and continuing this podcast over these seven years has truly been one of the highlights of my career and the professional accomplishment that I am most proud of.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I also want to take a moment to thank my original co-host Wayne Austrelent who started this with me, and I never would have in a million years done this podcast if it hadn't been for him. [SPEAKER_01]: So, Wayne, if you're listening, thank you. [SPEAKER_01]: So, if anyone had told me when I recorded episode 1, seven years ago that I would still be here at episode 100, I would have thought you were crazy.

[SPEAKER_01]: But here we are. [SPEAKER_01]: So let's talk about what sparked this podcast and what gap I saw in the betrayal space at the time that I decided to do this podcast. [SPEAKER_01]: So there was still a lot of treatment and news trauma happening and misunderstanding around partner and betrayal trauma back in 2019 and also integrity abuse wasn't being talked about or even acknowledged.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so the impact of abuse on relational healing, those conversations weren't being had and [SPEAKER_01]: Couples were still really struggling with understanding and conceptualizing partner trauma and understanding why healing takes so long. [SPEAKER_01]: I think all of those things were still feeling misunderstood.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so there was a very specific moment that pushed me to start this podcast, and I want to share that with you. [SPEAKER_01]: We might have in the very first episode, but I'd like to today as well, because I'll never forget it. [SPEAKER_01]: So, Dwayne and I were doing a couple's workshop at his office in Long Beach, California, and the workshop ended and we walked outside to the parking lot, and we were talking about how powerful some of the experiences were that we had witnessed and experienced over those few days together, how powerful they were, and how meaningful, and [SPEAKER_01]: And just how grateful we were to be able to witness that and provide a space for that kind of healing.

[SPEAKER_01]: And at the time, and I think even still today, Dwayne has another podcast called The Addicted Mind. [SPEAKER_01]: So I knew that he had experience with podcasting. [SPEAKER_01]: And I just looked at him and said, I think we should do a podcast, and the reason for that is, you know, most people can't just pick up from their lives and spend the time and the money, leave families, leave jobs and fly across the country to California to attend a two day workshop.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's just not feasible for so many people. [SPEAKER_01]: And we do these workshops once every, you know, three to four months, but so many people are suffering, so many couples, so many people want help and would love access to the information that we provide in our workshop. [SPEAKER_01]: And so I proposed to Dwayne that we do a podcast and he quickly agreed.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't think either of us in that moment had any idea what we were talking about really like, I don't know that we knew exactly what we were going to be offering, but we agreed. [SPEAKER_01]: And probably within a month or so, we had recorded and released our first podcast. [SPEAKER_01]: So, I will honestly tell you that the first time I saw a review on iTunes, I was shocked because I truly didn't believe or...

[SPEAKER_01]: expect that people would even find this podcast. [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know how all the technology stuff works. [SPEAKER_01]: Even now, that's just not my wheelhouse. [SPEAKER_01]: And so I couldn't believe it when I saw that people in other states were listening to this podcast and just being able to reach so many people has been such a gift.

[SPEAKER_01]: I want to let you know that at this time we have over 1.5 million downloads. [SPEAKER_01]: And again, that's something I am really, really proud of. [SPEAKER_01]: So I'd like to talk a little bit about what my mission was at the beginning when I started this podcast with Wayne. [SPEAKER_01]: I've been thinking a lot about this and one of the questions that came up for me was, what did I hope that couples would gain?

[SPEAKER_01]: So first of all, I just hope some people would find the podcast and listen before I even consider what I would hope that couples would gain or people would gain. [SPEAKER_01]: It was just let me hope that people will hear it. [SPEAKER_01]: And then I was asking myself, why did I want to do this podcast, what was I looking to do?

[SPEAKER_01]: And it came to me that I wanted to normalize the complexity of betrayal trauma and also shed light on the missing pieces that weren't being addressed in the healing space and the betrayal trauma space at that time. [SPEAKER_01]: And I was also trying to counter a very harmful narrative about healing relationships after betrayal.

[SPEAKER_01]: I wanted to continue to be a voice that advocates for betrayed partners and betrayers and for couples. [SPEAKER_01]: And that meant making sure that both were getting the same information and the right information. [SPEAKER_01]: I believe that promoting separate programs for each partner created more distance and disconnection and presented a much bigger barrier to couples that were already struggling to heal.

[SPEAKER_01]: So that is really what I wanted to accomplish. [SPEAKER_01]: I just wanted to get the same information to both members of a coupleship. [SPEAKER_01]: because I think often what I see is that there's some splitting that goes on when, you know, one member of a couple is getting information from their culture, their therapist, or their group, or their 12-step program, and then the other member of the couple is getting their information from some other place, and the information is not the same, and it can create, I think, a lot of bumps and problems and struggles for couples when this dynamic occurs.

[SPEAKER_01]: So I thought, okay, I can [SPEAKER_01]: come in here and I can be a voice for both people. [SPEAKER_01]: And I can speak to both at the same time. [SPEAKER_01]: So that's really, I think for me, one of the most valuable parts of this podcast. [SPEAKER_01]: So another question that I was sort of pondering the other day was, what did I believe about healing then that I still believe now?

[SPEAKER_01]: And this question I really enjoyed thinking about. [SPEAKER_01]: I knew healing was possible. [SPEAKER_01]: I knew it at that time. [SPEAKER_01]: I also knew healing was complex and I knew it was not just about sex or porn or infidelity or whatever the acting out behavior was. [SPEAKER_01]: I knew that there was a much bigger conversation that needed to be had and I knew that I was ready to have that conversation.

[SPEAKER_01]: It just felt like when I said we were having that conversation doing and I in the parking lot by his office, it just felt like the right next step. [SPEAKER_01]: It wasn't something I thought about very much. [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't plan very much. [SPEAKER_01]: In fact, I didn't plan at all.

[SPEAKER_01]: I honestly didn't think about it. [SPEAKER_01]: I just proposed the idea to drain and then we did it. [SPEAKER_01]: I made a decision that would effectively change the course of my career and have a huge impact on people's lives in an instant and I never regretted that decision. [SPEAKER_01]: In fact, this has truly been and continues to be one of the greatest professional gifts of my life being able to touch people's [SPEAKER_01]: How this has been a source of hope, how some of the information has allowed healing to be possible.

[SPEAKER_01]: How certain people feel like their marriage would never have survived. [SPEAKER_01]: And I don't believe that I am responsible for that. [SPEAKER_01]: I mean at the end of the day, I'm providing some information. [SPEAKER_01]: It really is your willingness. [SPEAKER_01]: every listener.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's your willingness to take the time, to sit down, to listen, to reflect, to take some of the concepts and things that I talk about and actually integrate them into your life, bring them back to the people that are helping you and your healing world. [SPEAKER_01]: You know, you're the one doing the work, but the gift for me is that you're allowing me to be part of your journey and there's no words that I can say that will convey to you how much your trust has meant and how much this opportunity has met.

[SPEAKER_01]: So thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. [SPEAKER_01]: So I wanted to also take a few minutes to talk to you about what I've loved most about this. [SPEAKER_01]: I would say the stories, the human stories when I've had people come out, I mean I love talking to the experts, absolutely.

[SPEAKER_01]: I love having professional conversations, sometimes academic conversations with other professionals in the field, [SPEAKER_01]: But the human stories, when I get to talk to people that are suffering or have suffered, or have learned and now they're wanting to help carry a message of hope and recovery to other people that are still suffering, those conversations have been what I've loved most.

[SPEAKER_01]: I just love hearing people transform and I love hearing people share about their own transformation. [SPEAKER_01]: I love stories of hope and being able to provide those stories of hope to people that need the hope. [SPEAKER_01]: At times when there doesn't seem to feel like there's a lot of hope.

[SPEAKER_01]: I love having conversations with people who have struggled and are now able to laugh and have joy in their life. [SPEAKER_01]: I love hearing people share what were the things, the tools, the skills that got them through, what were the aha moments and the breakthroughs. [SPEAKER_01]: I will say I love talking to people that I've known for a long time throughout their journey, you know, over years.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so I'm able to actually see, as they're sharing the transformation, I'm able to see humility [SPEAKER_01]: growth and empathy and all of these incredible skills, relational skills that are so important that just weren't present in this person years ago or maybe when I first met them.

[SPEAKER_01]: So that's what I love. [SPEAKER_01]: I believe in healing and the conversations that I've had have reflected the truth of healing, the reality of healing. [SPEAKER_01]: And so for me to be able to have a platform to share that has been an incredible thing that I've loved. [SPEAKER_01]: And then, another thing that I've loved is the listener messages I've gotten.

[SPEAKER_01]: I've had so many moments when people have written in and shared with me the impact this podcast has had or a specific episode or specific episodes that have really made a difference for them. [SPEAKER_01]: I have been deeply moved by so many of you who have sent me messages. [SPEAKER_01]: I've also been deeply moved when I've received messages from people who've shared the details of their own story and shared specifically how certain things that I've talked about or certain guests that I've had resonated with them.

[SPEAKER_01]: And again, [SPEAKER_01]: I don't take it lightly that people have shared the intimate details of their life with me, the most vulnerable moments with me. [SPEAKER_01]: That's what I love the most. [SPEAKER_01]: Again, it goes back to the humanity of this. [SPEAKER_01]: If you've been listening for a while, you know I don't have sponsors, I don't have that retizements.

[SPEAKER_01]: All of that has been very intentional and conscious. [SPEAKER_01]: I said when I first started this, I don't want it to be that kind of a podcast. [SPEAKER_01]: I'm in no way disparaging other people who have sponsors. [SPEAKER_01]: I'm just speaking about for me, I wanted to be able to have this be all about the listeners, all about the healing.

[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't want to have conversations that were suddenly I stopped it in order to, you know, share an advertisement about a product, even if it was a product that I believe in. [SPEAKER_01]: I just wanted to maintain the integrity of what this was about and what this is about, so that was very very important to me.

[SPEAKER_01]: I also want to take a few moments to talk about the hard parts because this has not always been easy and I want to share some of that with you and some of this is vulnerable. [SPEAKER_01]: So, I would say that there's been a lot of emotional weight that has come with this podcast. [SPEAKER_01]: Carrying stories of betrayal and grief and trauma is hard.

[SPEAKER_01]: I would also say that it was really hard when Dwayne and I separated. [SPEAKER_01]: And he left the business that we had together, the coaching business helping couples heal and he also left the podcast. [SPEAKER_01]: You know, he was my partner and he was also the person who handled the tech side of things.

[SPEAKER_01]: I knew nothing about podcasting. [SPEAKER_01]: I still know very little. [SPEAKER_01]: I'm very lucky that I have a wonderful editor and some people that are really helpful to me in that way. [SPEAKER_01]: But I didn't have the confidence when Dwayne left to really think I was going to be able to continue.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I didn't think of stopping because I knew that this was too important. [SPEAKER_01]: It wasn't like I actually thought I'm not going to do this anymore. [SPEAKER_01]: But I did think I don't know how I'm going to do this. [SPEAKER_01]: So yeah, so it was challenging for a bit as I was trying to figure out the systems and get my support team in place.

[SPEAKER_01]: But that part was really smooth and I am so glad that none of the hard parts at any point made me question whether or not I would continue with the podcast. [SPEAKER_01]: It just has felt like something that I meant to be doing, and I don't question it. [SPEAKER_01]: It's just kind of part of my life.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's funny. [SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes when I'm in my office, my son is seven years old, as many of you probably know, and he'll come into the office and he'll just pull the mic down that I have on an arm, on my desk and he'll just speak into it and he'll say, hi, this is Zane from the helping couples Hill podcast.

[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome back. [SPEAKER_01]: Where's something like that? [SPEAKER_01]: because he knows how important it is to me. [SPEAKER_01]: And I never even had to state it explicitly to him. [SPEAKER_01]: It's just I feel like this podcast has been so meaningful and somehow that energy is felt by the people in my life.

[SPEAKER_01]: Some of the other kind of challenging parts of this podcast for me was, you know, send out invulnerability, you know, there was a little bit of imposter syndrome at the beginning to be honest. [SPEAKER_01]: There's a lot of wonderfully powerful, smart voices in the podcasting space, you know, the betrayal space, the psychology space.

[SPEAKER_01]: And there was a part of me that I really have what it takes. [SPEAKER_01]: Could I really convey the information that people were needing in a way that was going to be helpful? [SPEAKER_01]: And I really know what I was talking about. [SPEAKER_01]: There were times when I would wonder if an episode would land the way that I wanted it to.

[SPEAKER_01]: And one of the big lessons for me was I couldn't control whether or not it would land for everybody. [SPEAKER_01]: And I had to learn to trust myself and that had to be enough and that it would land the way it was going to land for who was going to land with. [SPEAKER_01]: But that was a process for me, also navigating criticism or differing philosophies to my own.

[SPEAKER_01]: There was fear of what people would think, and not just my listeners who were the ones out there, who are the ones out there trying to heal from betrayal trauma, but also my colleagues. [SPEAKER_01]: There's a lot of colleagues that I've learned over the years actually listening to this podcast, and I'm so grateful for that and honored for that.

[SPEAKER_01]: But full transparency, [SPEAKER_01]: I was afraid this field of betrayal trauma in sex addiction has as most of us know really evolved over the years and there's been some serious controversy and I've always known where I've fallen on this controversy about partner trauma and codependency and how we view betrayal through the lens of trauma.

[SPEAKER_01]: Also, I've been talking for years about the patterns of abuse that accompany the betrayal in order to keep secrets. [SPEAKER_01]: There's this inherent need to [SPEAKER_01]: But that word abuse, I think it's getting some more acceptance and maybe people are not reacting the same way today.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know. [SPEAKER_01]: I'm curious about that. [SPEAKER_01]: But I know that certainly years ago when I started in this field, people were not talking about that very much. [SPEAKER_01]: And when we used that A word, it was not met with understanding and compassion and validation and there was a lot of pushback.

[SPEAKER_01]: When I decided to do this podcast, I knew I wasn't going to leave anything off the table. [SPEAKER_01]: If I was going to do this, I was going to speak honestly and I was going to share the beliefs that I have, even the ones that are controversial or hard for people to hear. [SPEAKER_01]: I think all of you guys know that I'm a big advocate for shame resilience and I talk about and teach a lot about shame.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's not lost on me that there were many, many times that I was recording a podcast where I was aware of the fact that a lot of the things that I was going to be saying were likely going to induce shame for people that are listening. [SPEAKER_01]: And so I had to be willing to do that and hope that a lot of the things that I was teaching was actually going to give people the tools that they needed to help build the resilience so they can listen to episodes like my episodes.

[SPEAKER_01]: and listen to other podcasts and read other books and participate in conversations where they would hear things that might be shame inducing, but that they would be learning the tools to be able to tolerate the shame and stay in the discussion. [SPEAKER_01]: Some of the other things that were little challenging, I think would be around sustainability, continuing to bring new experts, new conversations, new topics wanting to make sure that it was still relevant that what I'm putting out there is still important and still needed.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I guess balancing this with my own clinical practice and my work life and my personal life, you know when I started this podcast in 2019, I had a one year old, which is crazy. [SPEAKER_01]: I cannot believe my son is now seven and I've been doing this podcast for the six of the seven years of his life.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, there were times when I thought, I don't know if this is really sustainable, but like I've said several times in this particular episode, as much as I've thought that, and even now, I'm like, wow, it really does take a lot to maintain this. [SPEAKER_01]: I still don't see a reality where I'm not doing this podcast.

[SPEAKER_01]: And my commitment is that I'll continue to do this podcast for number one as long as I'm able to, like as long as nothing happens to me that would prevent me from being able to do the podcast and then number two as long as it's still important my goal my God in a perfect world there would be no reason for this podcast my God, I would love for there to be no more addiction I would be [SPEAKER_01]: thrilled, truly thrilled if there was no more betrayal.

[SPEAKER_01]: People joke with me sometimes when they find out what I do and they say things like, well, you'll never be out of work. [SPEAKER_01]: And honestly, I want everyone to know, I would find other work. [SPEAKER_01]: I would have no problem finding other work. [SPEAKER_01]: I would love to see.

[SPEAKER_01]: a decline in the amount of betrayal and the amount of sex addiction because it's truly an epidemic and it is heartbreaking. [SPEAKER_01]: It is so crushing and it's painful. [SPEAKER_01]: It's painful for all of you who are in it and this is your life and it's happening. [SPEAKER_01]: It's also painful for me to witness this level of trauma, this level, [SPEAKER_01]: of shattering of one's reality, the ego fragmentation, the existential trauma, the sexual trauma, there is so much that goes along with betrayal and sex addiction.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I do hope that one day there is no need for a podcast like this one. [SPEAKER_01]: I hope there's no need for a field to focus so much on betrayal and sex addiction. [SPEAKER_01]: My hope beyond anything else is that we're on a trajectory where we are going to see less and less betrayal as we learn more and more about what it actually does.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm also hoping that as clients as listeners of this podcast heal and as you learn about things like attachment, [SPEAKER_01]: and the role of the attachment plays and your adult relationships. [SPEAKER_01]: I hope that you'll be teaching your own children and that we're going to be raising kids that understand attachment and then maybe would make different choices in their own relationships that won't end up with people suffering from betrayal trauma.

[SPEAKER_01]: So I don't know if any of that is realistic. [SPEAKER_01]: I have no idea I can predict the future, but all I can tell you is that what my commitment is is to be here as long as I'm needed. [SPEAKER_01]: So before I wrap up our 100th episode, I wanna share a little bit about what these 100 conversations have taught me about couples who are recovering from betrayal trauma.

[SPEAKER_01]: I hope this can be a powerful takeaway for many of you who are listening. [SPEAKER_01]: I've learned that most couples are not broken, most couples are scared, most couples don't feel safe, and they don't know how to change the damage that's been done, but they're not broken. [SPEAKER_01]: I've learned that conflict is rarely about the content.

[SPEAKER_01]: That conflict is really about the pain that's underneath. [SPEAKER_01]: We always need to look beneath what's said beneath the story, beyond the acting out, and look at the hurt and the grief that's underneath. [SPEAKER_01]: I have learned that repair. [SPEAKER_01]: matters way more than getting it right, that effort and really putting in the time, not just checking the boxes, but putting your heart and soul into it and really trying hard, really, really making illegitimate honest effort.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's what matters. [SPEAKER_01]: So repair matters more than perfection. [SPEAKER_01]: I've learned that healing requires safety, not just skills, and again, you could listen to a million podcasts, you can read a million books, articles, go to therapy, go to groups, go to 12-step programs, go to workshops and retreats and do it all.

[SPEAKER_01]: But if all you're doing is learning skills and creating an intellectual understanding of skills, but you're not integrating all of that [SPEAKER_01]: that healing is not going to happen. [SPEAKER_01]: I can go on here for quite a long time about what all of these episodes has taught me about couples.

[SPEAKER_01]: But I think maybe the last thing that I want to include in this list is I've learned that both people are hurting. [SPEAKER_01]: Both people are in pain and both people don't know what to do or where to go or how to fix it. [SPEAKER_01]: I also want to tell you, you are all what keeps me showing up, knowing how many people are out there suffering, how many people love their partner and yet don't know that they'll ever be able to trust their partner again.

[SPEAKER_01]: How many people have betrayed their partner and can't stand the thought that they're going to lose that person or can't stand the thought that they have harmed the person that they love the most. [SPEAKER_01]: I know that you're all still out there and I'm going to keep showing up because I know that healing is possible.

[SPEAKER_01]: I started this podcast today saying that that I've always known healing is possible. [SPEAKER_01]: So if healing is possible then the question is why do people have such a hard time healing? [SPEAKER_01]: And the answer to that is, well, it's very complex. [SPEAKER_01]: And you have to get all the information and you have to learn all the skills.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then you have to have support in practicing the skills and bringing in and integrating it all into your life. [SPEAKER_01]: So it's a very complex process. [SPEAKER_01]: So I will continue to show up because I think that if you guys are out there wanting to heal then my responsibilities to continue to show up and provide the information and support and resources that are going to help you heal.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then there's a larger vision in terms of why I will continue to do this. [SPEAKER_01]: I think perhaps most important is generational healing, breaking the cycles, teaching emotional literacy. [SPEAKER_01]: Again, most of you have been listening to me for a while, know that I feel very passionately about the fact that so many of these things that I talk about on this podcast should be talked about and taught about in school should be part of the curriculum that schools are teaching.

[SPEAKER_01]: Even as far back at the beginning, like elementary school, there's so many ways that I think people doing their work, all of you investing the time and energy and resources into doing the healing work is going to impact all those around you, all the people that are close to you. [SPEAKER_01]: And so I do this for you, I do this for your children, I do this for your children, [SPEAKER_01]: I do this for my son and for my future grandchildren and I do this because what I believe is possible for couples who feel hopeless is healing.

[SPEAKER_01]: I really do, I believe in healing, I want you to hear that. [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, let me say this, now I'm going to get on to a whole other conversation here, but I've said this before, healing is possible and it's possible for everyone. [SPEAKER_01]: It's not possible for every couple. [SPEAKER_01]: And I say this because to heal a relationship, both people in the couple ship have to not just want it and committed to it, but have to actually do it, do the work, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: It's not enough to just want it. [SPEAKER_01]: It's not enough to Sam committed. [SPEAKER_01]: endurance because this takes a long time and it's not easy. [SPEAKER_01]: So if you have a couple where both people are saying they're committed, both people want to heal, but only one person is actually doing the work.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's not going to work. [SPEAKER_01]: However, even in those couples, the one person who does want to heal and is willing to do the work, that person can still have the healing. [SPEAKER_01]: It just won't always be in the context of a relationship. [SPEAKER_01]: and I want everyone to hear this, if you are in a relationship and you are willing to put in the deep work to heal.

[SPEAKER_01]: Regardless if you're the betrayed partner or you the person who's caused betrayal and your partner is not willing to put in the work or doesn't want to do the work, you by yourself are not going to be able to heal the relationship. [SPEAKER_01]: You can heal yourself, you can be in control of yourself, you cannot control what the other person is going to do.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I think it's really important to know that. [SPEAKER_01]: So the takeaway is yes, couples can heal and couples do heal But it requires two people and If you are in a relationship with somebody and you're thinking right now my God I feel like she's speaking to me my partner is not doing any of the work my partners doing so little Or my partner was doing a lot of the work and then stopped or my partner is doing all this work But nothing's changing and I think that he or she or just checking the boxes then that doesn't mean that [SPEAKER_01]: you can't heal.

[SPEAKER_01]: It just might mean that maybe you're not going to heal together. [SPEAKER_01]: So, I think what I want to leave you with is this thought, which is as long as couples are willing to try again, I am willing to keep having these conversations. [SPEAKER_01]: What excites me about continuing is just to be able to keep doing what I'm doing and that I feel so passionate about which is to help offer hope to offer healing to offer support.

[SPEAKER_01]: There are so many other themes and topics that I want to explore. [SPEAKER_01]: I want to have more deeper dives. [SPEAKER_01]: I want to bring in more voices. [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm really looking forward to the next 100. [SPEAKER_01]: So thank you for being with me on this journey. [SPEAKER_01]: I hope that you continue to take away a lot of valuable information.

[SPEAKER_01]: And most important, I hope you feel supported by me. [SPEAKER_01]: I hope that you feel my commitment to you. [SPEAKER_01]: I hope that you feel and believe in the hope that I have. [SPEAKER_01]: I know healing is possible, and I want it for every single one of you. [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for sharing this hundredth episode with me, thanks for being here.

[SPEAKER_01]: Thanks to all of you who have been on this journey with me from the beginning, and I look forward to continuing to walk this journey with all of you, going forward, take care, and I'll see you soon. [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for listening to the Helping Couples Heal podcast where you're healing is our number one priority.

[SPEAKER_00]: If you'd like additional resources about the trail trauma, which will learn more about our coaching services, please visit HelpingCouplesheal.com or call 562-379-4325. [SPEAKER_00]: our help is available worldwide. [SPEAKER_00]: Please support helping couples heal and continuing to reach others impacted by betrayal trauma by leaving a review on iTunes and sharing this podcast with someone you care about.

[SPEAKER_00]: For additional support, follow us on Instagram and consider joining our helping couples heal private Facebook community. [SPEAKER_00]: This isn't an easy journey, but you don't have to do it alone. [SPEAKER_00]: Once again, thank you for listening.

100. One Hundred Episodes of Hope

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