Ep #11: You're Not Crazy - Trusting Your Intuition as a Mother

0:10 Welcome to IndieVineFlow, your podcast for conscious entrepreneurs. I'm Yasmin, you host and today I welcome Pia my second interview guest And i am super excited! We are together in a business mastermind. A couple of weeks ago For the first time In person. I'm a very big fan. And you're also conscious manpreneur, that's why your here obviously and we are going to talk about all the ups & downs of being a conscious manprenner... ...and i know you have alot gifts to share.

0:52 so our listeners today will pick out alot things for yourself! So welcome Pierre! Hello, happy to be here Nice, let's start. Actually it is a good example today right? Because we had to postpone our Zoom recording a little bit because your little one wasn't really ready to leave you today. what happened there?

1:21 Yeah! It was the perfect example. I think We have Nanny and she comes here every... day of the week, well after work working week Monday to Friday and we had an exciting weekend. My brother and his twin children. they came over. my daughter she's four in a bit She loves to play with them but it was exciting!

1:46 It was really exciting. so this morning she didn't want let me go to work. So my going to work is just going up the stairs, but she knows when I'm working. I'm walking Just for a few hours and she loves her nanny. They love playing together and having time together. But this morning She said i don't want you to leave And she clung To me and she needed hugs and cuddles and kisses and just A lot of extra attention and connection and safety.

2:19 Mm-hmm just observing the clock and time was ticking. And I've become really well at not putting pressure on her, especially when i'm under pressure. it was a long journey to get there! How do you do that? A lot of breathing but breathing is only like half of it... The main thing like in my own brain, what is really important.

2:56 And when I get dysregulated the stories that i tell myself. they sound more convincing and the stories are like we cannot be late! Can't We? Can't we?! Mostly yes actually you know what...we can be late. for me it's so important to tell my daughter that we are not constantly in a rush because my body thinks, We're constantly in the rush.

3:29 So when I get dysregulated... ...I try to calm myself down and ask myself how important is this thing? That i think at the moment it's so important! Is this really so important?! Sometimes It IS! But mostly it isn't! And then I can just release a bit of pressure which regulates my nervous system and my nervous is equal to her nervous system.

3:55 It's just the same thing when I'm dysregulated, she'll be dysregulated. When i am regulated She will regulate. And well this morning Yeah...I told you You said ok let start later. Would that help? Yes it helps. So we started later And kept thinking Like what kind of privilege it was. Like how privileged are we both?

4:22 To be able to just push a meeting half an hour later? And then I got so mad because it's true. We're privileged But it makes me so mad that we have we call it privileged to be able, too Be there for our children. You know yeah true i got so Mad Just thinking about It. like So many women do and can't Do what we do they Have to be There They have to be at work They have to put the pressure on a child in the morning.

4:52 Or they kill themselves not to put their pressure that is holding, but also not putting it on them. The child will notice anyway because there's so much pressure. and then it gets worse. like you try not to push the pressure onto your child or else at some point everyone is going to explode But we have to go to the child care.

5:20 We have to do. the key time was crying. mother is crying everyone's crying and like it morning this how you start your day, I will be the whole day like this. right exactly yeah this. as a mother you're gonna battle with conflicting things that i had to work in. you probably even want to walk. You want to go to work because you need some time.

5:47 To feel like something else as a mother, not only your mother that you needed it feels Like Something Else. so you Want to Go to Work? But you WANT TO BE THERE FOR YOUR CHILD? You want both and we've as a human race. We've built A system Where It's Either All Both Is Not Possible And That Drives me insane.

6:11 I think We probably easily be possible if we all would be a little bit more flexible or everyone would acknowledge that mothers need this flexibility to see what works and doesn't work in the moment. Maybe it's good morning, they come early at work. If the child wants to go, you know early and is a good mood.

6:39 And maybe it's another morning where? You know It's. it's a bit off and we need a bit more time and what I realized Is every single time i feel like its not The right Time To do A meeting person for me, I noticed says oh thank you it wasn't actually right from me either. Yeah totally yeah. last week my morning was totally mad too!

7:16 But then no one does that or wants to say this? To be the bad person... The one who didn't make it..The one who did not attend is punctual so unprofessional. Yeah, whatever you know. Whatever You want to call it? You know all the bullshit stuff. and but what if we all trust a little bit more in divine timing?

7:47 because maybe If We would have forced that interview last week It wouldn't Have Been That Good! We Wouldn't Have Had The Introduction Issue Today Or Whatever You Know...We Never Know. We Don't Really Know What Is The Right Timing Do We? Yeah, no absolutely. I totally agree and i think most of the like working world is so far away from Like trusting in divine timing.

8:16 just had a conversation with With my brother this weekend And his wife works a job And she works a job. I don't want to go into detail because it's not relevant, but in this job there is an old white man who's CEO and the CEO literally says... So he makes people like he drags them away from their families.

8:55 And it's like the opposite of being flexible and trusting in divine timing. Like he says, people at home don't work so I need them here at least two days a week. So He puts families under an enormous amount of pressure because this lack of flexibility It doesn't only impact The working person it impacts the entire family system.

9:22 And usually it's, well in this case she is the one who needs to work a lot and travel a lot. My brother has taken more care of my children. Usually the rule is that they are still on their way around me. Still... The entire family system is struggling so much! If we just implemented this kind of flexibility To all people who need to work a lot The entire family will just be able to breathe more.

9:56 Yeah, you know be flexible and then this effects in the microcosmos also around the Family. it affects You know every single person that is then affected and da-da-da And that was spread out? And then the whole world isn't really affected right because it always starts Within the family and then spreads out in the word.

10:18 I think That's where we're missing the link. Often times, I think. Yeah and usually it is... It's a woman who tries to hold everything. She's one that tries to calm her own nervous system. Who does all of emotional labour in family Who holds EVERYTHING And then goes to work! And then holds everything there!

10:44 Exactly! Right? I had to think about this last week, because when i was in the corporate world obviously there were mothers working with me as well alongside and I had no freaking idea what that means. Because they never said anything! And I thought oh you know it must be easy? I don't know...I didn't know!

11:13 I didn't even think about it, yes. Yeah at all because children in the corporate world have seen... Non-existent! ...the corporate world too. they don't exist. Isn't that freaking crazy? I cannot imagine. right now i've said so many times to myself like and I apologize To All The Mothers That I Knew Before I Became One Myself I'm So Sorry Because I Had No Freaking Idea.

11:40 We have to make a real out of this. This is some very good tagline, and I apologize again today right now! To my friends...to my colleagues..to my sister....to my brother! Apologize!! To my mother!!! I had absolutely no idea what it means to be a woman in the system that we live in even in twenty-twenty six.

12:06 But why do you have an idea? Because nobody talks about And because no one seems to be allowed to say anything or to say that they struggle, Or ask for more flexibility. Exactly! Because patriarchy tells us how it's supposed to be. Don't complain. this is the happiest time of your life. You're almost dying every day.

12:29 you are a freaking superhuman who does the impossible multiple times per day like really impossible things, but you do it every day and your supposed to just go to work and smile. You know? Your stretching yourself so thin that you don't even exist anymore after a few years And then people tell you just to smile more not complain because well... But your child is healthy isn´t he?

12:56 Like be happy! But healthy. what does this mean really? Exactly When I look around children show so many symptoms that are not illnesses, but they show symptoms like stress related or pressure-related. They just show how we live our lives at. family time mostly takes place on the weekends because mom and dad have to work so hard during the week.

13:30 And make everything happen, just provide a structure for them to survive. then everything happens in the weekend. you try to catch up with the weekend connection family time relaxation which always comes last! You start all over again. Who suffers most? Probably kids In the end, and then this is a new generation.

13:58 So how are we like? How is this world gonna change ever if We're not starting with our kids now? right because okay, we can work on ourselves which we should But let's be honest were already very far ahead. but we have those tiny humans who We are born perfectly, or not saying that perfectly. I mean we also have generational trauma and they have it too.

14:26 but they're born more pure And...we should you know give them the space in freedom to stay a little bit like this right? But then put into little prisons here on Crete. i looked at the Kindergarten..i know there different concepts. I don't want to judge all kind of concepts, but here they look like literal little prisons and give their children there with one year or even less.

15:00 And just give them a care person without any time adjustment not for an hour And they have to give them away in front of the door, in front off the door. Jesus! Wow it's extreme! It is so extreme here that I think like what the hell is still going on? In this world and...it's so strange because there love their children so much.

15:34 but then- That exactly the point you know? How does it work?! There was no mentally sane mother like would do this voluntarily out of her heart, you know? But I think we as mothers have been gaslit for such a long time to do things that our intuition would prohibit us from doing. Yeah! Like i guess...I swear if you talked to the mother who had to do what she just described Go there and give her a child away to someone she doesn't really know.

16:15 And let's leave their child there, you tell them how do feel right now? None of these women would say oh I'm happy! Easier... You know maybe they tell themselves that they're happy because in order to survive the situation but no sane mother likes giving it to strangers. Like the, it's a place where you can talk about this stuff to tell other women.

16:46 You're not crazy if you have these feelings like when you go look around and you see other other woman or other families And you feel like this. This is not how it supposed be? This doesn't feel right. Or someone tells you do something for your child. It doesn't feel right. No, you're not crazy! You are not crazy.

17:09 and I think the more women talk about this feeling... This gnawing feeling within them like something is NOT right here The more people talk about it And the more they discover all of their other mothers They will be like Yes! Let's try to find out what is wrong here. Yeah, you know. And maybe I don't know.

17:34 if three mothers from Crete listen to this podcast and one starts just otter the doubt of being okay? The other two hear it! Those three go into their little prison and they tell the person who runs this little prison, hey couldn't we do things slightly differently? And then a conversation starts. No it's not going to save the world but well saving the world is like a million tiny drops.

18:49 It isn't just waiting for that big wave you know! I think talking about it and reclaiming... Well yeah.. This is hooky reclaiming our truth. Like, you know? Reclaiming your intuition! But this is what it's all about... Yeah I just like this. I think trusting more the inside voice than outside voices.

19:14 right in the end and when it comes to mothering there are so many outside voices that want have a say on them. In the end i really only the mother can tell Okay, maybe the father a little bit but then in the end only mother can tell. And there's so many voices from outside also like experts and doctors I don't know.

19:46 Also because we've learned that these authority figures are more important than intuitive voice. as a mother, and I think this is something we really have to question. Because some of you know that... We had long medical history with Ananda And went into public hospitals. What happens to children there?

20:15 You don't want to know! At one point i had to interfere And I also had to say that because we have such a difficult issue That they actually the doctors or so the specialists and experts at some point. They didn't have A clue what's going on with her, you know? What the real problem is. and i said there Is something wrong.

20:42 and they even looked like in an opera operational. In one of the operations, they looked into this system and couldn't find anything. But I knew as a mother she really was struggling... She had pain! And at some point there were poos coming out from her vagina. And green informated stuff bag of it, like so out of a tiny human being.

21:20 Right? And I was like see looks like something is wrong right yeah and i knew it all the time! Yeah...and this is so crazy um that..I had to insist on this right? That something's wrong. and there was one doctor and he said okay I trust you because you're the mother but that was one Doctor! One Doctor!

21:41 You know?! So terrible and maybe they are mothers out there who were so far away from their own intuition that They give it a way to the expert. But we need to yeah, get it back right? Get her back. The power Inside of us as mothers and really trusted and also say it like you know don't only Feel it but keep it to yourself.

22:11 You need to also speak about it Right something can change. Sometimes, I think there is a good reason we are afraid of our intuition. Our intuition is pure power and women who are powerful have been historically in danger feels really real, like existential danger to my life and the life of my loved ones.

22:43 And for most women reclaiming intuition or reclaiming power that comes with intuition is... ...feels really dangerous! Sometimes, reclaiming my intuition can feel as if I have a weird feeling. let me journal about it. It can be like the first step, because it's safe. Or finding like-minded women or just one woman that I can share my doubt with and talk about it And then i have a small safe space where I can explore my intuition.

23:23 Yeah doesn't have to be The big step first Because the Big Step will not feel Safe. If you wait For the big step to feel safe in order finally be able take that big step, it's not going happen. It needs smaller steps where you can just try and try a taste of your intuition. then it will widen And come back and get louder At some point.

23:54 its gonna best friend again. But doesn't start with being your best friends Just listening to the doubt, listening to this tiny voice and not shying away saying well in case I really listen to my intuition. I'd have to change my entire life. That's also a big one yeah? It is it's a Big One! And just listening doesn't mean you have to.

24:20 i don't know... Change countries and divorce your husband.. You know?! Doesn't mean that but it feels that dangerous Yeah, and just listen. Because it might in the end be the result. but if you start... It might! But it doesn't have to. And even if really ends with you changing country and divorcing your husband Even If it Really Ends That Way You Will Be Internally At A Point Where You Decide This Is What You Want To Do that you will be able to hold this truth, and just follow through.

25:01 You'll be able do all of it because you grew into your intuition! Right now at the spot where you don't even dare really touch your intuition... This seems impossible! You have to grow it and nurture it and take time. It takes time and learning an unlearning and healing looking at your shit And all of that.

25:29 Then I think motherhood only multiplies, right? You know it in. you also don't have the energy for the bullshit anymore. That's what I feel like. I can't hold the bullshit any more. i can't holding up because that just don't have the energy from all the emotional regulating or other time. No more time for them, right?

25:54 Or how do you feel? Yeah absolutely! I was able to take so much shit before i became a mother and well... For me personally.. The biggest thing I had to learn is setting boundaries but it didn´t happen before. I even had burnout before. i was in a corporate world, and i just restarted everything after again.

26:19 but then i became mother And then it's...i realized at the certain point that its not only me. I have problems setting boundaries..and i constantly give more than i have. But my child. she is not able to set boundaries so i have do that for her. In this system we live The system tends to be really cruel for children.

26:46 So, even in a stupid everyday situation. I have my child with me and we go grocery shopping And there is an elderly man who comes up to the cart. He touches his child's face and says what a cutie. This isn't okay! To learn that it's okay to be touched by elderly men. It is not ok! So the first time, I totally froze and said she was cute And they went home and cried because i understood the magnitude of this situation.

27:32 How am l going to learn? And it was such a journey, and I'm still like... Now that doesn't happen. A lot because she's older But but still Like i'd be able to prevent from happening? Still go home and shake and sweat You know Because not what you do right It is not. your body will be on fire. Yeah. You know, I cannot wait for my body to miraculously evolve into something that can set boundaries without practicing it!

28:16 This is not how it works and this like a really tough lesson for me. stills...I do it now i can't do it but no..it doesn't feel good if you're shitty. women are not allowed to set boundaries. we have to do anyway. It's actually funny because I had the same situation here and also on Crete. This mentality is like this, they come up... ...and all the elderly people mainly are so cute!

28:47 And then touch her in the face. she hates it. Now i keep saying no thank you She doesn't want to be touched. They look at me as an alien. Who the hell are you? Because of their world You are like what an overprotective hysterical woman. Yeah, you know but if you turn it around at well I'm not there yet.

29:13 i wish I were. But I applaud women who just turned It around and touch the person in The face that yeah you're a cutie too. actually someone told me this Yeah, last week that she knows someone who does. That I applaud. every woman putting in the cheek right. you know this exactly like a pinch. and the cheek your cutie too.

29:40 You know i would love my face off if you do that pier there wouldn't be so funny. it will be really funny. but then There's thing that really helped me that I read somewhere When you are in a situation with your child, like someone talks to your child and tells them it happens too right? Like oh be careful!

30:01 You're gonna fall. Yeah yeah these things that whatever they comment... They do things or whatever. It's not important to lecture them.You will NOT convince them That their upbringing was shitty and that's why they talk to your child like that. It is not going to happen, it isn't important in this situation.

30:25 what is important? you directly turn into a child. Well, it happened a lot that... It's mostly elderly people tell my child to be careful because she jumps around in the cart when we go grocery shopping. Its her thing! She is safe its okay you know? And elderly people pass by and they are like Oh Be Careful Honey You're Gonna Fall.

30:55 So I turn instantly into My Child Look Her In The Eye Asked. Do You Feel Safe? And she looks at me says Yes. Then i turned To The Person. She's safe. Nice! The last bit isn't necessary, the other person opinion is not relevant... At some point another person touched her again and I was just around the corner so she wasn't alone in my sight but i wasn't right next to her And a person touched him and went away before he came back with me.

31:35 So I was like, oh! I hated the situation. But then i could talk to her and tell her... Was it okay for you that someone touched you? And she said no. She said yes, I'm sorry. Um..I didn't pay attention. I will not let that happen again. It's good that you're telling me That wasn't ok for you, I am sorry Yeah so she knows how to interpret this situation.

31:59 She doesn't unconsciously learn that its OK For strangers to touch her. It's not okay. So it might be in our power to prevent stuff from happening, but you can always talk your child about that and accept the perception of reality. right because gaslighting is everywhere. You have set reality straight.

32:25 That what they learn. My daughter was also a little bit afraid man and she also tells me now which is good like she says oh no i don't want to go there because we have a lot of men in the house. do their work you know finish the house. And then she's afraid them and I say it's good, keep telling. when your afraid an eye will make sure that you're safe and you save with me can stay on my lap because I'm gonna talk Take her away all the time and that's maybe not a solution, but I think it's about teaching them how to approach your situation like that.

33:10 And not telling her no they okay there won't do anything. because then you tell him you're not right with me how you feel and I try to tell her okay, i see your afraid but you can stay with me. You're safe in my arm then nothing will happen and just need talk about something. Absolutely! The most powerful thing is that all the feelings they have are right for or it used to be one of the bigger challenges.

33:49 Now, that's not so much... That is a few things actually really get better when you practice those things. for me they got really better and fast. I understood that i do not have to make her stop having feeling. she can't have the feeling. For example we circle back through our conversation Sometimes we have to be there at a certain time and I have carried my screaming, struggling daughter under my arm through the car.

34:27 It happened it was one of them very few moments where she said i don't want you go! And I said but we have too...and yes You can be angry, I understand you so well. So she was under my arms screaming and struggling And the...I said like a mantra wise- I know you're so angry! Yes yes you CAN BE ANGRY It's alright, YES YOU CAN SCREAM Let it out, y'know?

34:54 And SHE SCREAMED AND SCREAMD!!! And then we arrived at the car. She looked at me and she was SO FURIOUS!! And i said YES I UNDERSTAND YOU, YOU KNOW WHAT?! I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE EITHER And sometimes we have to, this is one of the few moments where we both have to do something that we hate. Come on! We DO it and we HATE IT!

35:15 And then became a game like instantly become a game. she laughed... ...and then she stomped her little feet.. ..and went into the car and said yes we HATED it!! Then we drove off. So switching in games might be a lucky coincidence. It's probably not always working but I can. Yes, and it's so much easier at some point.

35:38 So much easier because you You validate her feelings And I validate my own. Like the situation was still real i didn't tell her that It wasn't gonna be this bad. then we remember where We were going. um or That she is i don't know. shut up? We have to go whatever. Why The feelings? the feelings are there anyway Yeah.

36:04 So why not let them out? I try also to know. is she, how was wondering if she kept telling me uh...I cried here i cried there and then now I keep saying yeah that's good because crying means you're letting go And your body can work with the feelings and let it out. Yeah, yes. And now I think it changed a little bit.

36:34 for her the crying is not so bad. The world will tell her differently because crying is nothing more and nothing less than regulation! It's not a bad thing but we were told so much also like its for us as well right? i had to relearned so much while you hold emotions. It's so hard to not let it affect you so much and that you get into this, oh!

37:07 So bad? Let's know I'm okay i'm grounded...I can hold it but there was a long journey for me as well. yeah what is ...well the small little wise smart That's all I said. What does that mean? The smart-wise people say what you resist persists. Yeah it does, especially with feelings. The more you try not to feel them the stronger they're gonna come back.

37:35 and I cry every day probably. yeah there are a few days that i don't cry because we like sentient beings specially as women. We feel so much. sometimes weird feeling gets stuck. then we just regulate And my body and nervous system This is one hundred percent linked. I'm dysregulated, iIm stiff! I am powering through you know and at some point I notice sometimes very quickly... Sometimes not that quickly.

38:08 And then I noticed ...and Then I try to do regulating stuff. Some dancing or yawning depends on the state That im in At some point will start crying. It means ah finally he's walking. Yeah, sometimes it's one tear. Sometimes that's Niagara Falls and it depends. but once I started noticing that It is a good sign That i'm finally crying And just letting you through in my entire reality shifted yeah Hello there one Pierre on my clock You're also numbers girl.

38:49 It's one, two three four twelve thirty-four. That means we're climbing up the spiritual ladder and that also means I have to come to an end. so... We covered it with so much ground! Is there anything you want? tell a conscious marmpreneur in your experience what is like One thing you would have loved to know beforehand.

39:22 You are not crazy! I think that's the one thing, when your intuition tells you something is off... Find like-minded people and they will strengthen you in trusting your intuition And you'll strengthen them win-win. Yeah i love it. This was actually what did wrong at first because older friends, you know school friends and we're not so conscious or aren't so conscious.

39:54 And they did it also different. then I felt so yeah crazy and alone a lot along with that now finally finding the right people like you. And it makes such a difference, and I love that one! Thank you so much for sharing this Pia, amazing! Where can we find you? How could people work with you if they felt like wow i love what pia said?!

40:35 I have a lot of German listeners. In few days my website will be online again, that's prhofmann.de and you can work with me if you want to look at your shadows because it is shadowwork for domesticated women. so If You Feel Like A Domesticated Woman And You Do Not Want To Be Then You Can Work With Me Online & Offline.

41:04 I'm based in Germany, but always do online work. There was my sign outside! And i will put everything on the show notes so people can find you and thank you for your time Pierre. Thankyou for having me, i loved it Bye.