When It's Not Your Fault: Blame, Backlash, and Setting Limits

When a high conflict person says it's all your fault, most reasonable people do something predictable — they start wondering what they did wrong. That instinct toward self-reflection is healthy in most relationships. With high conflict people, it becomes a trap.
Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, and Megan Hunter, MBA, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, unpack why high conflict personalities blame with an intensity that triggers your brain's threat-detection system — and why that intensity is precisely what makes you absorb guilt that isn't yours. They cover how to reality-test yourself when the blame lands hard, what to expect when you finally set a limit, and how to sit with the backlash without retreating into self-doubt.
It's All Your Fault is produced by TruStory FM.
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Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

• (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault

• (00:43) - It’s NOT Your Fault

• (02:22) - Why Do HCPs Blame?

• (07:00) - Absorbing Guilt

• (13:31) - Example

• (17:36) - Setting Limits and Potential Backlash

• (19:28) - Why HCPs Escalate

• (24:20) - Grow Used to Uncomfortable Feelings

• (26:29) - Knowing When It’s Not Safe

• (28:28) - Key Takeaways

• (29:27) - Wrap Up