SUBS FREE TASTER: "Am I A Bad Friend?" Our Team's Personal Dilemmas

0:08 You're listening to a Mamma Mia podcast. I'm going to go first. And my dilemma is about, it's kind of about hookups, not my own. In terms of some of my younger children, I want to try and talk broadly, but I've become a little bit confused about the terminology. And this isn't new. It's been happening over quite some time.

0:33 But I've decided that you two are both younger than me and perhaps you can help me This idea of talking to someone as a kind of a category of relationship. Yeah. So I'm like, are you and such and such dating? Or I might ask about a couple of their friends. Are they dating? And they're like, they're talking. And I'm like.

0:56 So is that different to dating? Oh, yes.

0:58 Yes.

0:58 Talking is different to dating.

1:00 Yeah, it is.

1:01 How is it?

1:02 Well, talking is like the stage where you kind of get to know each other over text messages, but you're not actually going on dates.

1:09 So you're not seeing each other? No.

1:12 Well, no, seeing someone is different to dating someone.

1:14 Sorry, I meant you're not actually in the same physical presence as each other.

1:19 No, you can, but you're just like talking, getting to know them. You're not actually classifying that as a date is what I would say.

1:25 I think that as the generations have gone on, as we are getting into more modern dating, the levels at which you have to, like if you think about it like a video game, the levels at which you have to succeed at or like move past to get to an actual exclusive relationship that is exclusive between two people if you choose monogamy, of course, there are more and more and more.

1:47 And then there's also side quests.

1:49 Yeah.

1:49 That don't really lead anywhere.

1:50 And sometimes you might have more than the person that you're talking to or that you're intending to date or maybe they do.

1:57 So for my instance, like talking to. Yeah.

2:00 Talking to to me implies.

2:01 You're a millennial.

2:02 Yes.

2:03 Yeah. Yeah.

2:04 I'm a younger millennial.

2:05 What does talking to mean to you?

2:07 I think it's not exclusive. I think it's very early stages.

2:09 But to me that means you're flirting.

2:12 Could be.

2:13 In my case, definitely. I wouldn't say you're having sex. I would just say like you're just like hanging out or just getting to know each other.

2:21 So this is my problem because the two of you have different definitions and also talking to does not suggest sex. And yet it can include sex. So then I was like, what's the difference between talking to, hooking up and dating?

2:37 Well, I also think the thing is context. Because if I was telling my mum what my situation was, I would rather say talking to than I'm casually having sex with this person.

2:46 I also think talking to, like if we look at a Venn diagram, you could have a lot of overlap or you could maybe not have any overlap. Talking to could also be, if you think about like modern dating with dating apps, that could be before you've even met a person.

2:59 Do you know what I mean?

3:00 You could be talking. To me, the closest thing that I think talking to would be would be flirting.

3:05 Is it courting? Is it wooing?

3:08 Yeah.

3:09 But with sometimes sex.

3:11 If you fancy the person.

3:12 I would say it's courting. And then when you get to the actual date, then you figure out what the next step is.

3:18 So what's the differentiation? If talking to can include sex, can it include exclusivity?

3:26 No, I wouldn't say. If I'm talking to someone, I wouldn't say I'm exclusive.

3:29 Could you be talking to more than one person? Yes.

3:32 And you likely are.

3:33 Could you be talking to one person and having sex with another person? Yeah. Could you be having sex with two people? Yes.

3:38 At the same time if you want.

3:39 So when does it become dating and how do you cross over into that different phase?

3:44 Well, I think dating still includes all of that where you could also be dating multiple other people. I think when it crosses over.

3:50 So what's the difference?

3:51 So what's the difference is like for me talking to is like everything before the dating. So you're kind of just like getting to know that person, you're getting to know what they like, you're getting to know if they might be compatible with you before you waste your time.

4:02 But you might go on a date with someone you're talking to.