Bonus Episode - Advice with Karen and Georgia

Hello, and welcome to my Favorite Murder. That's Georgia Hartstark, That's Karen Kilgarriff, and today.

We thought it would be fun to give you a little bonus advice episode where we solve all of your life's problems by answering the questions that you've submitted to us.

This is a special three part series brought to you by cars dot com because whether you're trying to find the right car or you need life advice, having a trusted source makes it a whole lot easier.

And we are the trusted source in this situation.

Yes, trust us for the advice.

Okay, so here we go.

This is We're not responsible for the results of what we tell you now. We are not doctors, lawyers, journalists, college graduates responsible with our words or actions. Good drivers to good citizens.

Listen with caution, Okay.

Listen without prejudice. May I quote George Michael, Thank you, you're welcome.

This is from Belle who run into our Gmail and said, Hi, Karen and Georgia, I would really appreciate your feedback and perspective on my current life situation. My fiance and I are getting married this fall immediately. This is great we're going to ruin someone's relationship.

Takes are as high as they can.

They are. We're planning a small, intimate wedding and reception WITHNG.

With about thirty guests.

We intentionally wanted to keep it simple because weddings are incredibly expensive and we wanted the day to focus on celebrating the couple who are starting their lives together. That said, many of our friends and family have shared strong opinions about what they would like for our wedding.

Who fucking does that? Oh? Well, I genuinely appreciate their enthusiasm.

It seems they're much more excited about things like bachelorette trips, wedding colors, bridesmaids, dresses, floral arrangements, and all the other details than I am. Their excitement for wanting to know every aspect of the wedding far outweighs my own interest in enthusiasm and making these decisions. It has me wondering is there something wrong with me? Is it bad that I don't feel excited about all the esthetics and the expectations that are associated with weddings. I'd love to hear your thoughts all the best, Bell I remember just ten years ago.

My wedding but a mirror ten years ago.

I know, we had no wedding party. I had no one walked me down the aisle because I'm a grown ass fucking woman. So Vince went to the front. I walked into a cool song at the front. I bought the fucking flowers, so the whole thing that morning at the local florist.

Yep, we decorated the room.

All my girlfriends decorated the rooms. Lots of baby's breath because it's cheap. I bought a dress for like one hundred and fifty dollars online, Like, you don't need it's not for them.

And your wedding. I think anybody that was there would argue it was one of the best, like because the plan was essentially we're all sitting in the room where we're going to eat, drink, dance, total thing, and you guys came in and got married as like the the obviously main event. It was self contained, right, it was an amazing, huge party.

Yeah, like not every Like if people want to do that with their weddings and spend all the money and have all the things, that's great. I'm happy for them. I really want to be invited. I like those parties, yes, but it's such a huge amount of money.

Well, and I think you and I may have talked about this because when I was getting married so long long ago, I got into this thing of what this needed to be for other people totally and it will destroy you. I was buying bridal magazines and then being like there'd be advertisements for like have you ever seen those things with the lighting kits where there's like.

Shine your name down onto the dance.

Oh my god, Like they're extras. Yeah, like a bar mitzvah.

You're competing with other weddings in your mind or your friends. Like it turns into this thing where everyone's getting played because all those vendors make bang on that pressure to be better than the last wedding.

Yeah whatever, Suddenly you need a fucking mashed potato bar?

How many?

And you had like three hundred people at your.

Wedding, right, Yeah, it's that I had family members who were like, we sent them the invitation, they'd send it back, cross things out at plus eight and shit like it was nuts. And I have to say, one of the greatest parties of all time. It worked. But same thing where I think we just focused on what like, what was important. I was like, open bar from when you get there, right, not after the ceremony. Right. My cousins, each one of them came to me of like, dude, amazing move.

I think you have to do that this at least have like some champagne out before the actual ceremony, yes, or like a signature cocktail whatever the fuck people do nowadays. Yeah, which you actually don't need either. We just had an open bar. Yeah, you don't need that. You need a signature fucking cocktail.

Send an email that says your uncles can bring in their flask or a six pack under.

Their arms, absolutely, but bring enough to share.

That's right.

Let everybody get a little buzzed out so they can like feel free to enjoy your love. Because where society has a real problem with stuff like that.

Uncle Eugene can bring his six pack or twelve pack, carry it with him all night so no one gets any Yes, and that's fine.

But I would also say this to Bell.

Also, it's a familiar thing when you get excited about a thing you're gonna do and you start telling people or asking people like what do you think or what color? And then pretty soon you're like, why the fuck did I ask anybody? Yeah, so that's fine. You can take the feedback and then ignore it and do whatever you want.

Like I think you're sometimes that family pressure of like, well you're not doing it right. Yeah, is how other people kind of get it's their get back for like was their day not exactly what they wanted, So now suddenly it's so important that you're wearing a veil or some weird shit that it doesn't actually really matter totally.

Yeah. Yeah, and they say always right, like you always hear the things of course, like the more you spend on a wedding, the less likely it's gonna last, or some crazy.

Shit like that. It's just just like so depressing and scary.

I'm true.

Okay.

Our next question came from Laura B on the discord. How do I tell one of my besties that I don't want to go to her birthday party that is.

An out of town weekend get together.

I've done that.

Yeah, I'm an introvert that doesn't drink anymore, and the crowd is a mostly heavy drinking crowd.

Yeah, you don't have to go, no way, get her a nice have a nice dinner. Take her out for a nice dinner, get her a thoughtful you know, something thoughtful, or write a nice card. Yep, you are not obligated and you can say that's not my scene. Yeah, I hope you have the most amazing time and we'll do something special when you get back.

Absolutely, God bless.

Also, if it's a person that's like, you know, obviously your good friend, then it's like that's just one more fun birthday event for them.

That's not a minus.

And if it's a good friend, they'll understand.

This idea that people are like, it's my birthday fucking week and we all have to go places together. It just I think it's a setup for unhappiness.

Yeah.

I think people keep on doing stuff like that to be like and then we'll all have a good time this way and when it's just that weird, like it's have one party and get.

It turned over with absolutely.

You know what Bens did one time for my birthday for like, is he rented They have like airbnbs for pools.

People with backyards with pools.

Oh yeah, just fucking rent you know, like just the pool for the day in the neighborhood. It doesn't have to be a fucking weekend trip.

Yes, one day.

Yeah, because these days weekend trips are like it's everything is so expensive.

Yeah, and I'm the same, I'm an introvert. Like you know, the first night's always amazing and so much fun, and yes, everyone is shit faced. The next day, everyone's hungover, and no one wants to do the fucking sound bath that everyone paid for already.

Like or whatever.

Then here come the tears, because you've ruined my sound bath dream of my birthday exactly.

Don't go.

You don't have to go, And if they get mad at you, then that's not your friend.

If they get mad at you. George's number is three two three.

Okay, a few more, let's go.

Okay.

This one's from at liam Lair on Instagram and Liam Lair says, visiting my mom in April, and I haven't told her I'm getting a hotel yet.

When do I tell her? That's big?

It is big. I'm going to have to do that soon, So tell us.

Well, I would say, don't put it off until the last minute.

Don't let her prepare to have you at her.

Home, like buy groceries and get excited and essentially be just kind of clean and clear about It's like, because A, B and C, I'm going to stay at this hotel, period, but I will be at your house for dinner, lunch, breakfast, whatever. Like, get clear about that.

You're not trying to avoid her, you just need the things you need.

Blame I mean this is true for me. Actually blame your back. You can't sleep on a pull out fucking bad. Yes, I wouldn't want to do that. Or blame the pets. You're allergic to the cats and you don't want to be there all night?

Or what you?

I hate you? You go in my childhood.

Why did you withhold from me and force me to now withhold from you?

Yeah, visa VI tell room.

I mean there's the other thing too, of like if it's a obviously it's a it's going back home situation, right, So maybe it's like I get points at the hotel, it'll be I get to relax. You and I don't have to be like on top of each other.

At the time.

Say you're using points to get that.

I say that whenever I get my friend a flight somewhere or a hotel, I say I have points. I'm not even paying anything, which is not true. But like linking to their face. I am, but it just makes everyone feel better about it.

Yes, And if you think you have a mom who's going to take it really personally or be really heartbroken, just be like, I need you know, I have to sleep. I don't like blank And I set up like we're getting massages at this hotel on this one day.

Her she gets a massage too. Oh, I love that. We'll go to dinner at their restaurant exactly.

Yeah, do a thing where you I want you to be in my world. I want to be in your world. I just need to sleep and not have it, you know, and not have your weird dolls looking at me or whatever, or what about.

Your weird pomeranian. You're like eighteen year old pomeranian.

But you clearly like way better than you ever liked any of your children.

There's a pool. We can hang up by the pool all day, that's right.

Oh yeah, the perks and usually there's drinks at the pool.

I love it.

You get your mom drunk, that's right.

Okay, she wants to be drunk and she doesn't want you up her ass either, So just think of it that way.

Yeah, you're doing everyone a favor.

Yes, and saying you don't have to clean up after me, cook for me, blan kitty blank. Right, So this is the one that actually is we got to be careful about how we were warming up. Yes, that's right, and now we're going to be real reasonable and really logical. So this question was sent to our Gmail anonymously. Wow, that's how important it is. It says my husband and I recently had.

A baby girl. After she was born, my brother in law.

And his wife accused us of stealing the baby name that they had wanted in parentheses, even though we had no idea they liked or planned to use that name, and they weren't expecting a child at the time.

And do they admit they never told you? That's the biggest question I think.

Ever, we don't know. Let's see.

Everyone we've told about this says that they are crazy for cutting us out of their lives over the name of their niece. Shit. Yeah, but all caps. My husband's parents disagree and did not take our side. Family gatherings are super awkward. Now, Oh my god, I need help from my unofficial big sisters. Am I in the wrong? Sincerely, no name, because apparently names can destroy families.

Wow. I mean, do you want to be right or happy?

Yeah?

Right, you can't change your child's name.

Well, also if they for like say, all of the woman's life has been telling everyone she knows, like when I get up, I'm gonna name my baby Joan or whatever, and it's got to be a baby name Joan. But it's like, and then you just didn't know and did it. That's unreasonable to cut you out of their life for that, absolutely, and you have to There is that thing of like it is the weird part of when people get married and now there's just these new people in the family that do things real different totally.

So I would.

Say the people who are related to each other, so maybe it's your husband and his brother, Yeah, they need to talk to each they need to work it out. The family members have to fix it. And then the exterior married ins who maybe are the ones.

Sister, they don't need to get along, they don't need to be friends.

No. But also I think that accusation is so strong of like you stole our baby. It's just weird totally, unless because this is person is the one that wrote in, they're kind of leaving out a detail of being responsible.

But it sounds like they didn't know, yes, right, and other way, you can't change the name. So you can either apologize if you feel that it'll help or that you're okay with that, or explain and expect them not to care and be mad still, and that's on them.

I mean, it is the kind of thing where it's like, okay, so now we just don't have holidays together and all the.

Stuff that we used to do.

And you have a brand new baby niece and you look at baby, I'm out of your life.

And then you don't have kids and you aren't having them in the immediate future apparently. But maybe and this is the other thing you have to remember, all fights like this are not about the topic, right, So maybe it's some sort of thing of like anxiety about not being able to have kids, right, or it's such a personal emotional specific thing. Yeah.

Maybe in that case, then the people who aren't related, the woman and the sister in law or whatever should have their own like, can we go on a walk and just talk this through because this seems like a lot and I want to fix this, but I don't think I did anything wrong.

I mean, if you say that, say I want to fix this and don't say anything else, don't be defensive.

But yes, like that's it.

It's everyone's an adult and it is no one likes to have a conflict conversation, but it isn't as hard as everybody build it up to be right.

Cutting someone out of your life is way harder than having a like a harder conversation.

It just sits on you.

And then it's you've built a story like you kind of if you're that person, you have to go like, is this something my mom used to do?

And I'm just doing what I used to see.

That kind of thing of cutting people as so Irish Catholic, cutting people off, silent treatment, all that kind of stuff is just unprocessed, like you're not using any tools.

Yeah, got it.

So somebody's got to figure out who the adults are, and the adults have to talk and fix it.

Yeah.

Also because it's not fair to that little girl, oh.

That she somehow is going to get the back end of that from.

Grandma and grandpa even yeah, you're fucking sighting with them.

I mean, why are grandma and Grandpa's sighting If it's a true and pure mistake, right, we might have to airlift you out of that family.

Yeah, we're your baby now. That was super fun.

We named it Advice with Karen and Georgia because although it is from us, we are not responsible again for what we have just advised you with.

Maybe should be advice near Karen and Georgia.

Karen and Georgia say stuff. You are the one interpreting it as advice.

Yeah, that would be full graphic DM. Okay, So this episode was brought to you by cars dot com, the trusted site for finding the right car with confidence.

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This has been an exactly right production.

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Our associate producer is Tessa Hughes, and our editor is Aristotle Acevedo.

This episode was mixed by Leona Squalacci.

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Bonus Episode - Advice with Karen and Georgia

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