Rewind with Karen & Georgia - 121: Clomp Everywhere

0:16 Hello and welcome to Rewind with Karen and Georgia.

0:21 This is the show where we look back on our old episodes from 2018 with all new insights and case updates and topical cultural references.

0:30 Today we're rewinding to episode 121, which we named Clomp Everywhere. This episode originally came out on May 17th, 2018. Let's listen to the intro of episode 121.

0:52 And big win and big win the queen a apple float white now.

0:59 Of my favorite oh god should we start over yeah.

1:05 Steven just shook his head no steven said no don't don't start over i don't think we're yeah.

1:11 He you like elmer fudd You like the Elmer Fudd intro?

1:14 That made me laugh.

1:15 All right.

1:17 Well, let's leave it in. Then, you know what it's even like, so let's leave it in. Can you do fake drunk this entire episode?

1:24 Yes.

1:24 This is a Q & A. This is not a secret. Always a secret with that girl. Always leaning in with her weird breath.

1:37 I have to tell you something.

1:39 And then, I have to tell you something I threw up earlier. I drew up and I took a nap and came back to the bar.

1:46 What?

1:47 Did you get away from me? I should do. Sorry. I just had this idea.

1:52 What if I did a one woman show where it's me and drunk me from the 90s switching off and it's.

1:58 Like the spotlight goes up. Yes, exactly.

2:01 Or it's just like, why did you feel the need to escape into the bottle every night?

2:05 I'd be like, Sorry, what are you talking about? I'm just thirsty. He used to party and now he's... What do you like? Can you... I want you to... Let's keep going with this. Okay.

2:16 I want you to record the... I want to record sober current Karen.

2:20 Okay. And so that, you know, we don't... Switching will get too confusing.

2:24 Okay.

2:24 So we just have recorded Karen and then... Drunk Karen, old Karen, is in person there. So you're saying I get to drink again.

2:34 Just because it's a show and it's not my fault and it wasn't my idea.

2:39 Fake drunk Karen.

2:40 Okay.

2:41 Is there again. Great. Okay. What is her hair? Does she have her hair in a ponytail? Did she wear a ponytail? Um, she's just cut bangs. Hold on. It looks good. You don't know? You don't know? All right.

2:55 Sorry.

2:55 I would.

2:56 John Caron was the kind of person who would cut bangs so short that the next day when I would first see people who would, I would be premiering my bangs, like at the gap, people would be like, Oh, wow.

3:10 Like, yeah. Shocking bangs.

3:12 They were like, I found a razor in the bathroom and I gave myself a trim.

3:17 Like what I did to Barbie when I was 18. four and was like barbie needs fucking bangs and all you do you basically just shaved her head yes in the bang area yes just shave the bangs the more.

3:28 You cut barbie's hair the more you liked cutting barbie's hair until you were down to the plugs god uh we're in europe right now guys.

3:37 Bonjour for some reason karen wants to be in paris really badly paris france is what europe is to me we're in the uk and europe so we're in the pod lofts technically right now technically we're in the pod loft.

3:50 In our time you know what's funny though we we i don't think we need to be so constrained by the concept of time since people listen to this shit out of order anyway.

3:58 Time space location all of this shit You know what?

4:01 It is all just human construct.

4:03 It's a bucket. It's the government. Let it go. It's aliens. The clock is aliens.

4:08 Let it go.

4:08 Alien government. The government of Mars. It's the government trying to put their shit on you.

4:14 Yeah, I'm like, I refuse until you're told what time it is by the government.

4:19 I'm just saying. This government thing's smarter than me. It's not smarter than me. Okay. I love him. There's always crying about some random person. Being in love with someone. Being in love with someone that the friend I'm talking.

4:33 To is like, I don't think you've ever talked about this person before. I don't know who you're talking about right now.

4:38 No, I love him. I'm like talking about the bouncer. Then you trade a piece of clothing with some other drunk girl.

4:43 Yeah.

4:46 I've had a drunk girl demand that we switch belts. And I was just like, okay.

4:51 You have to go with that drunk improv.

4:53 Yeah.

4:54 It's so much easier because if you tell a drunk girl who wants to switch belts with you, did she think it was funny?

4:58 Because I would do that. I would get these ideas. I was like, switch outfits. Isn't this hilarious?

5:03 One time, all my friends, this is when I lived in Sacramento. I was like, you guys, I'm going to order a grasshopper. No, I'm doing it.

5:09 I'm doing it. It was like a mint thing. Have you ever had a grasshopper? It's like a blended drink made of creamed mint. I just pictured you on Amazon ordering grasshoppers. The insects. The insects.

5:19 Live grasshoppers. I'm going to get a bow constrictor. No, I'm going to. Anyway. That's how I got my first pair of Doc Martens, though, is that.

5:31 a party a drunk girl switched when I was like 13 was like give me your fucking I had like climbing boots.

5:38 On yeah that I hated and she gave me her purple docs I.

5:41 Know why because she was drunk because she was drunk and stupid and like um she's like a basic bitch.

5:48 You had pre you had like broken in purple dogs yep eight hole broken in purple dogs congratulations changed my life yeah.

5:56 Best shoes i've ever had why didn't i keep them okay.

5:58 First time you start wearing combat boots as a girl in your 20s i'm telling you if you hadn't had the experience if you're a girl who's like i need to curl the bottoms of my hair and always wear some version of a heel god bless yeah i get the comfort you're that's your style What I'm saying is take a summer off, get a job two towns over and just start wearing flannels and fucking combat boots.

6:20 Just see what it feels like.

6:21 Because I'm telling you, there is something about lacing up a boot and having that thing of like, oh, you.

6:27 Can't kick me in the toe. And you start to call them shit kickers. And then you feel like a fucking badass. Yeah.

6:33 And it's the best. And you just are like, you get real down to business. Yeah. You clomp everywhere. You clomp. It's very tank girl, but wherever you live.

6:40 Yeah. But you're still cute.

6:41 Don't worry. You're still cute. There's so much cuteness available. They all know this.

6:46 Yeah.

6:46 These are people who are like, yeah, we're from now. We have the internet. We know how fashion works.

6:54 And we're back.

6:56 Look at us getting into concept episodes.

6:59 Q & A episode? What a great idea to not have to do homework.

7:02 The whole.

7:03 Who came up with this idea to somehow sidestep full on? Because at this point, we've been doing homework for two years.

7:12 Or a year?

7:13 Yeah, without a break and touring.

7:15 A year and a half without a break.

7:18 And somewhere in there, we were like, hey, we don't have to do this every week exactly the same way.

7:22 And they're like really good questions, too, that are like fun. And I think that like, I don't think we give boring answers to questions, which I think is a good thing.

7:33 We need to do this again. A, we need to do it again. I completely agree.

7:37 And B, I think when we have the opportunity, we put our whole heart and soul into whatever we're doing.

7:43 Yes.

7:44 If that is bad Wikipedia research, we give our whole heart and soul. And if it's simply just earnestly answering people's questions, we're there.

7:53 Oh, and then Stephen's up in the mix as well. We also made it like super long. Like it didn't need it. We could do a fucking bonus 20 minute Q & A episode every week if we want.

8:03 Yeah.

8:03 I mean, at a certain point, we could just be answering people's questions like old Google.

8:08 We'll call it old Google.

8:10 Yeah.

8:11 And we'll just be, yeah, you know how you can't get answers to anything anymore?

8:14 Right. Well, that's us now. We're going to be your new search engine.

8:18 It's called What Do You Want Us To Google? It's the thing of when your friend texts you a question that's like so Google-able, but like you're a little honored that they asked you, but you're also a little annoyed that they didn't just. And then you're like, oh, are they lonely?

8:30 Yeah, really.

8:31 Do you miss me? Is that why you're asking me questions a map could answer?

8:35 Right, about like wind patterns? I don't fucking know.

8:39 You know I don't know.

8:41 You know I don't know this.

8:42 What question would you want to be asked?

8:46 Oh, always snacks for sure. Maybe like what's your current favorite like dessert, go-to dessert?

8:55 What is yours right now?

8:57 Oh, Trader Joe's has these little mini passion fruit ice cream bars.

9:03 Ooh.

9:04 That are so creamy and good. They're not popsicles. They're like ice cream bars.

9:09 Like little ones with a little stick?

9:10 Yeah.

9:11 Yeah. Just a mini popsicle. Or like a mini. Yeah, like a mini.

9:14 Yeah.

9:14 It's almost like a mini Dove bar.

9:16 Yes.

9:17 But not, but they're just, yeah, but they're just plain old.

9:20 Passion fruit.

9:21 What's yours?

9:21 Does it have to be from Trader Joe's?

9:23 No, no, no, no. Trader Joe's only. Just the thing you'd force yourself to eat protein so you can get to.

9:29 Oh, sour skeddy strings, those gummy. It's the most childish gummy candy. But there's something about when you put like five of them in your mouth at once because I'm about quantity.

9:42 It's just so satisfying.

9:44 Oh, my God. Yeah. I always say that if you have anxiety, carry gummy sour candies with you.

9:51 That's right. The perfect distraction.

9:54 Totally.

9:54 What if that's the way I've been self-medicating this whole time by just shoving.

9:59 as many gummy candies into my mouth as possible?

10:02 We've got to have an intervention for you. That would be so funny. Did you see like one of those wing stop kind of places now have like a sour gummy candy?

10:14 No.

10:15 Sour Patch Kids wing stop. Like wings. Crossover.

10:20 That's wrong.

10:20 That's the disgusting thing I've ever heard.

10:23 That's insane.

10:24 And there's a little chopped up like blue and fucking red.

10:27 No.

10:28 Yes.

10:30 Shit.

10:30 You know what this means? And I know Shannon's going to come to us and say, hey, you guys, how about for a fan call video? You eat the fucking Wingstop.

10:38 God damn it.

10:39 You know she is.

10:40 Yeah, exactly.

10:41 And it's all for the content. On top of which, we're not even talking about this episode now.

10:47 We're just talking about other things we're going to do. That's it. Now that we've teased it. Okay. Should we close out this section and move on to questions?

10:56 God, please.

10:57 Okay.

10:57 We'll be right back.

11:00 All right.

11:05 Let me ask you a question. Finally. Karen, this is a question from Lisa. Lisa?

11:11 Lisa.

11:11 Okay.

11:11 Have you ever done an escape room? No. Me neither.

11:14 No.

11:15 I have no interest. Let's do it. Okay.

11:18 Like force ourselves to do it somewhere?

11:20 Yeah.

11:20 I mean, I think it's an interesting concept and I've heard people talk about it. There were people, remember when we were at the St. Patrick's Day party at Joe's, there were people leaving to go to an escape room and the way they described it sounded fun.

11:33 To me, like you're leaving a party where you just hang out and talk and drink to go escape from a room.

11:38 Yeah. That's like, That's what you're doing right now. You just, it doesn't make sense to me. Yeah.

11:44 Why don't you, you know, you could do if you're at a party, you've never been at this apartment before. Let me run ahead. I'll lock some shit up and now just try to leave this party. I'll try to, I'll, I'll stop you all along the way.

11:58 Here's my thing.

11:58 I don't want to do things and I don't want to do activities in public where you can.

12:03 Succeed or fail. Right.

12:05 And it's a panic to fucking succeed. Succeeding has a time limit.

12:09 Yeah.

12:10 And so maybe you and Vince should do an escape room or a karaoke room when we're in Europe.

12:14 I will 100% do both of those with you because here's what will happen in the escape room. Vince will take over and be so fucking hilarious that we'll just stand there laughing while he takes care of it for us.

12:25 And we won't care. Right. So we'll never escape. I mean, also, I do have.

12:30 There is a lot of faith in the idea of an escape room, because all it's going to take is one lunatic to run one of those, where suddenly it's not a game.

12:39 Right. And you're actually locked into a weird room. Oh, you're thinking of, like, the next Saw movie. I've just written.

12:45 I've written Saw 11. It's called Escape Room. Escape Room. Okay, you want me to ask you more?

12:51 No, let me ask you one.

12:53 Okay, go ahead.

12:53 I think we should go back and forth. Okay, great. Let's see.

12:56 Uh....

13:00 Just pick one at random. Don't even read it. Okay. Appetizers or desserts, Georgia? Appetizers. A hundred forever for the rest of my life. Really?

13:07 That was from Mindy, by the way. Sorry, I should have said her name first. Mindy, I need to tell you that my favorite food is happy hour. And that's all I want is appetizers. And what would you say your number one to... One, two, and three appetizers would be.

13:22 Like at a normal place or if I could like have my dream appetizer?

13:25 Let's say the scene we'll set for you is you're at the fanciest restaurant you would want to go to for like your birthday.

13:32 Okay.

13:33 And that would be? Oh, shit, man. Or you could say a type.

13:38 Okay.

13:38 If you don't want to be in the place. I guess Tam O'Shanter over here. That is the fanciest restaurant.

13:44 That's all I care about.

13:46 It's awesome.

13:46 Okay, here's what I want. I don't care where it is. I want a fucking pizza. On point cheese plate. Yes. Like the on pointiest fucking cheese plate with honey. Like the one we got in Cleveland.

13:57 Yes. That was the best.

13:58 Oh, you know what else I want? Mini fucking corn dogs. Fancy corn dogs.

14:02 We should find out what that restaurant's called. We went to a restaurant in Cleveland. It was a brew pub. It had all these items.

14:07 Go ahead. And then just like deviled eggs. Oh, yes. You love a deviled egg.

14:14 That's my three. I just want that for dinner every night.

14:17 Yeah. That might be too high in cholesterol for you. Okay. Dessert or appetizers? What my answer is, 100% dessert. Okay. I mean, not that I don't love a good appetizer.

14:31 But I do am the person who truly, I don't talk about the fact that I'm saving room for dessert.

14:37 I'm just doing it.

14:39 But I'll only base it on if I know people.

14:41 There's nothing more embarrassing when you're the only one that wants to get dessert.

14:43 Do you have room for dessert?

14:44 No. Come on, we'll split it. And everyone's just staring at you. I'm like, I'm paleo. Ah. But my favorite thing is when everyone gets dessert.

14:52 Even when the staunchest paleoist break down and get like one scoop of the thing and then they're like, this is the craziest thing I've ever had. That's what life's all about.

15:03 We've been living in Los Angeles for way too long. Everyone is a thing.

15:07 Everyone is a fucking gluten-free, paleo, vegan, fucking sugar-free, juicing, fucking bullshit.

15:17 Fat flush.

15:18 Yes.

15:19 All right. That's that was mine. So what's yours?

15:25 This is a different Lisa. It says different Lisa. And this is another food question. What are each of your favorite cereals?

15:35 Oh, shit. That's a great question.

15:37 I love that these are not murder related. I like it. Coming straight out of the box with those sugar corn pops. Sugar pops?

15:45 Are they called that now? I think now they're called corn pops, right? Are those the ones with the frog? Those are sugar smacks. And those are little weird puffed oats. This is puffed corn.

15:57 Oh, I don't know it. They're bigger. They look like golden nuggets. Do they look like, what are those things called?

16:06 Corn?

16:07 Aztec corn? That's right. You know those. Oh, yeah. Corn pops? Corn pops. Those are good? I could eat. I'm not kidding. Like 13 bowls of those in a row.

16:17 I can't have cereal in the house because when I start to eat it, I love it so much that I can't stop.

16:22 I think that's a normal thing for people, for like a lot of women.

16:25 Really?

16:25 Like they can't have cereal in the house. It's just because you keep on filling up. Oh, I better finish this milk. Whoops. Too dry. Better put some more milk in.

16:36 Mine is raisin nut bran. It's like the most boring.

16:41 I am such a nerd. Have you had it? Is that the one where the raisins are coated in nuts?

16:46 Yes.

16:47 That's good. It's actually incredible.

16:48 Incredibly sweet so it's not like it's a secret healthy it's not healthy i like this though it's so fucking good i want to cry and then like i'll pour a bowl and eat it and be like there weren't enough raisin nuts in there and so i'll pour another bowl to get more raisin nuts and then there's too many raisin nuts right it's my.

17:03 Favorite i wonder if you shook that box.

17:06 I shake it every time and it never it's just always can't redistribute correctly no it's.

17:10 My it's my problem uh regular milk.

17:15 Um two percent is what i usually do okay My cousins used to do fat-free, and it.

17:20 Was like, that milk is clear.

17:21 It's water.

17:22 That milk is blue. And you're not supposed to drink that anymore now. I don't drink milk anymore, but if I do... Yeah, I mean, I just don't have it. Yeah.

17:30 I do, like, vanilla, sugar... Who cares? Were you going to give us your almond milk order? Yeah, but some fucking poor person's like, I wanted to hear about murder. Do you have a.

17:41 Ask a murder one.

17:41 Okay.

17:45 Could this is from Hillary.

17:47 This is a fascinating question. Could either of you have stayed married to Robert Graysmith? Robert Graysmith was the the cartoonist who worked at the San Francisco Chronicle when they were trying to solve the Zodiac killings.

18:02 The weirdo. And he wrote that book and he's Jake Gyllenhaal in the movies.

18:05 Right.

18:06 By the Finch. He definitely seemed... You know you always want to be like, no, it's fascinating. I would have been so interested. He just seemed really emotionally unavailable.

18:16 Yes.

18:16 He didn't seem like a warm person. Yes. Yeah.

18:21 I think I've already had that relationship. Which was like what? What are the characteristics of it? It was almost exactly like that, where it's a person who's really nice and... But has their own interests and is basically... Feels like they're just living an entirely separate life.

18:36 Who doesn't share... Doesn't share with you. Even if it's an interest you're not interested in. Yeah.

18:43 Or do you just get sick of it after a while? It's just not.

18:45 When somebody is so kind of dedicated to their own mind.

18:49 Yeah. It's just... It's really lonely to be with a person like that.

18:52 Yeah.

18:53 And I'm too, like... I want to be up in everybody's business all the time.

18:57 For sure. Like, I don't... I want... I need.

19:00 talking and I need, you know, that kind of thing. And like a gray Smith, he, there's some, I mean, it was Jake Gyllenhaal. So it was charming, but he was a lunatic.

19:07 Right.

19:08 Right. I need more codependency in my relationships. And I'm not even kidding. You need him to need you a little bit more.

19:14 Yeah. I have a codependent personality, which I thought was a big problem for a long time until my therapist was like, Well, you and Vince are interdependent. You're not codependent because it's working out fine for both of you. Yeah.

19:26 Because you're giving each other what you need. Exactly.

19:28 So it's okay that like you're a little lunatic about it. Yeah.

19:34 And so I need someone who needs me more than that. That's right. You know what I mean? I really do. I like that. Let's see. Relationship goals. Okay. Here's this one. What's your favorite? Did they... This is from Katie. What's your... favorite? Did they, or didn't they murder?

19:54 Well, If you want to get honest about it, how about fucking Natalie Wood's mysterious death and Robert Wagner and Christopher Walken and how they never talk about that.

20:04 Or figure it out.

20:04 They keep saying they just said they reopened the case. And I was like, tell us everything.

20:09 Tell us why. Like what?

20:11 What would be very cool now is if this next wave of the way crime solving starts to work is. is that we start to just get the true truth of like, Oh, this person paid this person. So it's almost like everything becomes an expose.

20:27 Oh, well, so-and-so paid somebody a hundred thousand dollars.

20:31 Yeah.

20:31 Like to actually be able to track bribery, to track all the things and just really know what really happened.

20:37 Totally. Well, Steven made a good point that we need to bring our recorder with us on our tour because what if the Zodiac is fucking found through DNA while we're there and we're just scrambling to scream into our phone. Yeah.

20:52 Record an episode that would be you know you do have a selfie stick right.

20:56 I do i'll bring it we need it that is brilliant.

21:00 If you're not already on the fan cult and i'm talking in the future because i think we've decided that while we're on our uk tour we're going to be posting videos yes now it turns out we're going to be doing with a fucking selfie stick.

21:13 Selfie stick what I think it'll be funny and fun. I think it's a fucking great idea. To do it that way. I'm going to bring a bigger purse just so I can carry it in my big purse.

21:23 I mean, I have to say, I don't like recording myself in any way. But the idea of us keeping a video log as we travel through Europe in the weirdest non... It's almost anti-tourism, the way tours end up going.

21:37 Yeah. You, like, get there. You get to your room. You pass out. You're super tired. You work on your shit. Yeah. You go to a show. You have this super surreal.

21:45 You're in this venue in the back of this, like, weird auditorium with, like, weird snacks. Oh, and they're going to be especially weird because they're fucking.

21:52 Foreign snacks. I love foreign snacks. Oh, and it's going to be higher quality because they care about human beings. Oh, it's going to be really nice. And no vegetables. No vegetables, please. Okay. Wait, was that you? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We said... Did they or didn't they?

22:07 Oh, yeah.

22:07 Robert Wagner.

22:08 Oh, sorry.

22:08 I want that one, too. What's yours? JonBenet. Oh, JonBenet.

22:11 Yeah.

22:12 They did. What if all these oldies just start getting solved?

22:15 Ooh, that'll be fun.

22:17 That'll be like, that could be the perfect antidote to the Trump administration.

22:23 Like, I already, like, when.

22:25 golden state killer when they arrested him i something lifted off of me that was just like oh yeah more of this because it's fair finally justice yeah yeah it's so unfair that this motherfucker got to hide yes and yeah that's a good point fair it's finally fair yeah it's it's gonna be even it's not but georgia yeah this is from justine justine do you believe in astrology no You do not.

22:52 But it's fun. But you don't believe it's the truth.

22:56 I think it's really fun and it doesn't hurt anyone. And I like I always want to hear my horoscope. If someone's like, oh, I'm going to read my horoscope. Fucking read me, Gemini. But here's the problem, too, is that my sign, Gemini, we're fucking known for being fat shit, bananas, crazy, unreliable, shitty people. And I swear to God, I'm not. And I'm sure every Gemini says this. I'm not like normal Geminis.

23:21 I know Geminis.

23:22 Yes. And they're fucking whack. My mother was a Gemini. Oh, shit. Oh, no. What was she like? Is she like me at all? What were they like? A little bit. Pena-nated and rah, rah, rah, you know? Yeah.

23:39 It's just the turns. It's the turns of like good mood, bad mood.

23:43 Do I do that?

23:44 Or interested, not interested. Not like, you don't do it emotionally. You're very steady emotionally, in my opinion. You change your mind a lot.

23:51 That's true.

23:52 But that's just. That's not true. That's kind of true.

23:54 That's kind of true.

23:56 You know it. Do you? Taurus?

23:59 Yes.

23:59 You're a Taurus.

24:01 Yes.

24:02 Except for the way they described Taurus. Taurus. Taurus. Instead of like the car commercial. Taurus.

24:10 The way they describe it is like homebound, earthy, into flowers or whatever.

24:15 I'm like, you're just describing a cow. You're saying what a cow does in the field.

24:20 But don't they say you're like, you guys are like, you're the opposite of me where you like make a decision and there's no fucking changing your mind at all.

24:28 That's right. Stubborn. Stubborn. Super stubborn and super like Stick to the plan.

24:35 Yeah.

24:36 I don't believe, I guess the thing is I don't believe in astrology. I enjoy it. So I don't believe, you know what I mean?

24:42 Like, of course, when I meet a, when I meet a dude I'm dating that I'm into, I look up, I have Gemini's and whatever the fuck go together.

24:49 Find that birthday.

24:50 Yeah.

24:50 And everyone does this. I wonder if guys, I bet guys don't do it, but girls do this all the time. Guys don't do it for sure.

24:55 You, that's right.

24:57 You find the person's birthday and then you look up that like Linda Goodman sun signs and you're like.

25:02 Oh my God, look at how compatible we are.

25:04 I will say like Vince, Which is like a steady, fucking reliable, dependable person. And it works with my fucking crazy brain, Gemini.

25:17 My sister's a Leo, too. Oh. You asked me that one.

25:21 I did.

25:22 Okay, so let me ask you one. Sorry, but did I say that was Justine's? Because it was Justine's question. Justine, Justine. It was fun to talk about Justine. Oh, okay. This is from Karina.

25:31 Do you have any tips for traveling and easing anxiety.

25:34 In strange places? Or should I do a murder one? No, no, that's good. Music. Constantly have music in your ears or something soothing that you enjoy.

25:46 Yeah.

25:46 You got to get those wireless earbuds. The best.

25:49 They are worth, I think they're 150 bucks. This is not a commercial. It is not a commercial.

25:54 This is like if you're on old school headphones. You keep walking past a doorknob and ripping them out of your fucking head.

26:01 The worst. Get those wireless ones. They're little.

26:04 It just feels like you are in your own world. And then you're able to build your own world a little bit. Yeah. And know that if you by traveling, if you mean you're nervous to fly on a plane. I just told somebody else this the day I was locked out of my house and I did.

26:18 I said, ask me anything.

26:20 You have to remember that when you're flying, you're safer on a plane than you are in your bathroom. You're more likely to get killed in your bathroom than you are on a plane. And you have to watch that if you start to get nervous or you start or your mental kind of storyline starts taking over. Just start watching the flight attendants. They are so calm. They do it all day long. You can always look at them and be like, that's what I'm supposed to be matching.

26:48 And also, they know... If you really start feeling like you're going to have a panic attack or something, fucking tell one of them. They're trained to deal with it. Because people do get like... You just don't like to be in an enclosed space. But if you can get... some earbuds, then you'll be in a weird world inside of your own head. And then it won't feel like you're just in a plane.

27:07 My thing for traveling too with anxiety, which I've overcome because I've had to do it. I've had to travel so fucking much. So I would say travel a lot, but you can't do that. Is that I kept realizing that I would be anxious and unhappy and nervous every time I'd go anywhere. And then I'd come back and everything would be fine. And I would be really bummed that I had missed an opportunity to explore and enjoy you know, where I was and what I was doing.

27:33 And it's just, I don't, you don't want to live your life being disappointed that your anxiety let you overtook your life, you know?

27:42 Cause I'd be like, the cats are going to die. The house is, I need to get home.

27:45 And I come home and the cats wouldn't give a shit that I was home, but they would for a minute and then they would be over it. And I'm like, fuck, I wish I really had taken a walk instead of taking a nap because I was overwhelmed, you know, and seen Seattle or whatever the fuck.

27:56 So, and, but I think you're right in that you need the proof if you have anxiety and then and it keeps you from doing things then you get to keep that storyline in your head because you never prove yourself otherwise right but like you were forced to travel yeah we went on tour suddenly you're like this is no big deal i'm doing it every other weekend remember when we first planned the first tour we were like we don't want to do that many dates and we don't want to go that many places because we were neither of us were that interested and when he was like let you guys you're gonna go to australia i was like no fucking way yeah Those.

28:28 Were all my reactions at first. I was like, well, great. I'm going to die on my way to Australia. Of course.

28:32 I mean, yeah.

28:34 It's just, yeah.

28:35 When you have anxiety, it's hard to leave. Just know what your brain is serving up to you is normal human bullshit.

28:40 Right.

28:40 And it's a lie. It's a lie. And it happens to everybody. And you don't, it's not, yeah. The alarms aren't going off. It's actually just normal brain processes.

28:52 And practice for all of this. Makes perfect, because the more you prove to yourself that you're incorrect about what you were worried about, the less you'll believe it when it comes up again, and you'll just blow it off at some point, which is really fucking cool.

29:05 Yeah, you'll have a new experience.

29:07 Yeah.

29:07 And hopefully find someone else, something else to be stressed out about. Right. They're out there. It's me, right? Yeah, I think so. Georgia.

29:16 Yeah.

29:16 And I don't know if you want to name names or not. Always. But this is from Kelly. If you could go back to high school, which teacher would you tell off?

29:23 Ah!

29:25 Oh, I don't remember his name, but there was this creepy fucking political science teacher who was like, he was like the poli-sci and the fucking football coach teacher, you know? and he like wore a gold chain and had his like he always wore like he always wore like khakis and then the like high school logo like polo button like polo shirt.

29:51 And would be unbuttoned a little bit of hair.

29:53 And like he would flirt with the popular girls. Like they loved him.

29:58 Sure.

29:58 And like they would like. I remember when sitting on his lap for some reason.

30:03 Wow. Like he was a creep. But only to the, like, pretty popular girls, which I clearly wasn't. Not that I wanted his attention, but I was like, from a place of over here, this is fucking wrong and creepy.

30:17 Yes.

30:17 And everyone else loved him. There was, you know, the popular kid's favorite teacher.

30:22 Yes.

30:22 I'm sure he bought them beer. Yeah, yeah. It's like almost like a weird cult springs up.

30:26 Well, also, those are those weird moments in when you're growing up and you're kind of like when you.

30:34 Those lines between popular and unpopular are like hot and not hot.

30:38 They can be blurry for a while because you just don't ever want to know for sure or you.

30:44 Can kind of kid yourself or whatever. But when there are creepy adults.

30:47 That are like hone in on girls and it starts to happen to you when you're 13 and older where suddenly.

30:55 like you know you don't have a target on.

30:57 You so so at first you're like oh thank god and then you're kind of like i'm invisible yeah and you don't know how to feel about it because it's like it's so creepy and yet at the same time there's something wrong with you yeah it's because it's because you're not living it feels like it's because you don't know how to live in society the way everyone else does right like when actually it's like you're not being targeted by a fucking.

31:21 Predator yeah I know there was a girl. Yeah. What about you?

31:27 Um, we had a teacher, I had a teacher that was, I would just love to go in and be like, you, you have a rage issue. He was like this insane screamer and he was not like, I think it was this thing.

31:40 He was on the shorter side.

31:43 And I think it was a thing of like keeping the class in control, but it would go so far past normal yelling at a classroom full of kids.

31:51 And people would just be like, like, Sitting there, like, rolling their eyes. Isn't it crazy? And he would be going... He would be, like, snapping. And it was... In Catholic school, like, they don't have to... Yeah. It's not the same, like, standards. They can kind of do whatever they want. So they...

32:06 There were teachers in my high school that were fucking insane. Isn't it crazy to watch an adult lose their temper when you're, like, younger? Yes. And you're, like.

32:15 An adult losing their temper is, like, funny, almost. Yeah.

32:19 And, like... Oh, God.

32:21 Well, especially when they're like seething, where you're kind of like, sorry, this is about something else.

32:25 This doesn't fit. This is not about chemistry. Was his name Joseph D'Angelo? I mean, for real, like.

32:34 Inappropriate anger where it's like it's so nice that we're slowly coming into a time where that truly is inappropriate.

32:40 Yeah.

32:40 Like people go, oh, that's not normal. No.

32:43 I feel like, though, luckily there's more teachers I'd want to go back and thank than I'd want to go back and.

32:48 Yes, for sure. Thankfully. Definitely. OK, let's see here.

32:54 All right.

32:56 This is from Rebecca.

32:58 Which celebrity do you think has murdered someone and used their abundant resources.

33:03 To cover it up?

33:07 I want it to be someone, I know who it is, Paul Giamatti. How dare you? How dare you? I bet he has killed multiple people.

33:16 No, that man, his heart is right on his sleeve. How dare you say that about my sweet baby angel? So are his victims. You know who I would say?

33:27 I think it's someone more like a Vanna White type.

33:33 You know what I mean?

33:33 One of those people where their head turns on their neck like they're a weird doll.

33:39 What about not Pat Sajak? Who's Jeopardy? Alex Trebek.

33:45 Alex Trebek. I think he's too much of a nerd to kill anybody. Yeah, he doesn't look like he likes to get dirty. This is from Kelly. What's your dream vacation?

33:56 Oh, God. A nap. Dream vacation? Dream vacation. I don't know. I really, I just like eating. So hot weather, cold weather.

34:05 Okay.

34:06 Hot, warm weather. Warm weather.

34:07 Warm, sunny weather.

34:09 Beachside or mountains, jungle? A little of both.

34:13 Okay.

34:13 Kauai. I want to go to Kauai.

34:15 Nice.

34:15 There we go. Have you been to that island? No. Have you been to Hawaii?

34:19 Yeah.

34:20 I can't believe how Hawaii smells. Oh, it's just tropical. Like you get out of that fucking airport.

34:26 Well, I've only been to Maui, but we walk out of the airport and you're just like, wait, what's happening?

34:31 I think I'm going to do it this summer. Do it.

34:33 Because we've just been traveling so much when we get back from this tour that we're currently on. Yeah.

34:38 Right this moment. Yeah. And take a real vacation. Yeah. What do you want to do? Oh, you want to go to Vienna. Venice? Well, I do want to go to Venice, Italy. Somewhere with a V. Victorville. Victorville. That's the one.

34:52 There it is.

34:52 Virginia. No, actually, Virginia is probably really beautiful. Virginia's for lovers.

34:57 It is.

34:59 I want to go to, yes, I want to go to Venice, Italy. um before it is submerged underwater do it um yeah i like italy i like italy hey speaking of victorville kelly wants to know what's your least part what's your least favorite part about southern california god kelly uh thank you for letting me letting me um let me just open up my book.

35:23 Here get up on your box my least favorite.

35:26 Part of southern california Is the fact that there are so many and this was not where I think there's more people like this up north now. But it used to be very Southern California thing when I moved here in the 90s. Mothers wearing their daughter's jeans with fucking facelifts. Trying to act like they, too, are also still in high school. I find that and it happens a ton in the San Fernando Valley. I find it to be heart wrenchingly. uh horrifying like i find those women yeah it's depressing it's like they want to go back they're they're like kind of using their daughter in this weird creepy puppet master.

36:10 Way where it's like do you want to wear this and they're it's just it's so much the ones.

36:15 Who are like we get confused for sisters all the time yeah no you fucking.

36:19 Don't no you fucking don't a and b How about you step back? You've already had your fucking 48 years. Step back and let Mackenzie step forward for five fucking seconds. Like that thing is so sick down here.

36:33 My mom's my best friend. My mom's my best friend.

36:36 I used to do this in my act, but I had a joke where I said to my mom, I was trying to borrow money from her.

36:41 So I told her she was my best friend and she goes, well, you're not my best friend. She really said that to me. Yeah. You know why? Because she's my mom. Exactly.

36:52 Not my best friend. I'm supposed to have best friends that are my age. And my mom has best friends that are her age. And you don't have to wear the same clothes because you're not even in the same realm of life.

37:04 Give it a fucking break. This question was for you. Thank you for finally asking me that question. What's your answer? I don't care. You're from here.

37:13 Yeah.

37:13 So maybe what's your pollution, air quality? Such a hippie. Such a Gemini. The traffic and the people. I guess the landscape and the human beings. The disparate... Never mind. The disparate life experiences?

37:39 Yeah.

37:40 Amy asked, who comes up with the titles for the episodes? That's a great question. Amy, nice one. Stephen, why don't you answer this one for us? Yes, Stephen, take it. Stephen, tell us your process.

37:51 Walk us through the whole scheme.

37:53 Walk us through, yeah.

37:54 In my notebook.

37:54 Yes.

37:56 I write down things that I find funny and interesting.

37:59 While we're talking.

38:01 Yes, while you're talking.

38:02 Not just random thoughts you have.

38:04 Just like a diary while you guys are doing the episode.

38:06 Beware diary.

38:08 And then, yeah, I just... Throw it back your way. And we just narrow it down to something that just makes us laugh, I think.

38:14 Let's read from last night.

38:16 Yes. This text you sent us. So we recorded episode, what was the one that was just posted today?

38:20 119.

38:21 So 119, but it'll be, you know, whatever. So last night you left. So much stuff goes on in these texts. And then you text us options. At 11 p.m. when we were both at that bar last night, Georgia walks up to me mid-party and goes, Sorry, real quick. Oh, yeah. Excuse me, Miss Kilgare, she said. And I said, away.

38:42 And then she said, no, no, we have to answer this question. So here's a text from Steven. Hey, here are some title ideas for this week's episode. Episode 119, Fingers Everywhere, which is what we ended up picking.

38:53 Yeah.

38:53 Fingers Everywhere. But there was also Sally Holes, Power Day, Day Raccoon, Corn Style, and Reasonable Face.

39:03 Well, and it's, I feel like my favorite thing when I first started listening to podcasts and people would name a title after something that was said in the episode it was so there was like an elation of like when the person finally said it it was so fucking cool.

39:17 Because you don't know what it's in reference yeah yeah i like that i do too and when we started we were trying to do those puns that were very fun until we got into the 30s and then.

39:27 I realized it was just going to be the same numbers. With a three in front of it.

39:31 Yes.

39:32 I feel like we should go back and rename some of those. Rename those first episodes. Never. Okay, great. No, it's too late.

39:37 It's like it's already in the ether. We can't do anything about it. I just like sometimes I'll see that and I'll be like. what what does that even mean like an episode what is it like 2020 when it's like what that's not episode 2020 why did we name it that i know.

39:53 What i love is like people they'll go like i just listening to project artichoke and i was just like i don't know what you're talking about that one took me a while i totally forgot that's what we named it and people are being serious about something else we're talking about but they're using.

40:07 The title i love it like we're like It's a very fun process, let's just say that. That was you.

40:15 Yeah.

40:16 Okay, if someone made a.

40:17 Karen, Alicia wants to know, if someone made a movie about your lives for some reason, who would you want to play you?

40:24 Well, of course, Frances McDormand.

40:27 Oh.

40:28 You don't look like her. I don't care.

40:30 Okay.

40:30 I mean, does it have to be matchy-matchy? I guess not. It could be whoever the fuck you want.

40:34 I mean....

40:37 I want both Olsen twins to play me.

40:40 I want it to be so complicated that it takes, and Gemini, that it takes twins to fucking play me.

40:48 You know what? That's cool, actually.

40:50 Right?

40:50 And very, like, Charlie Kaufman artistic. Yeah. And cinematic.

40:54 Like, we couldn't get one actress to encapsulate all her depth and fucking... interesting shit no way and the like the just the reverberations of her belches so we had to have two actresses belch at the same time yeah um yeah that's good okay how about you charlie kaufman uh yeah charlie kaufman to play you i think.

41:15 Um charlie brown.

41:19 That was my niece's she used to call like um you know merry christmas charlie brown or whatever this charlie brown peanut specials My sister used to play them for us, for her, for us.

41:31 I was there too, but all the time. And so she'd look, she was like two years old and she'd look and be like, Charlie Brown.

41:37 It's like the only thing she could say, but it was her way of saying like, do you want to watch it again? And then the first baby doll, my sister ever bought her that one of those dolls that looked like a real baby. She pulled it out of the box and she's staring at it, holding it and smiling.

41:51 And my sister goes, what are you going to name her? She goes, Charlie Brown.

41:54 Yeah.

41:54 Because it's a little, bald, round-headed baby. And we were like, you're the smartest child on the planet.

42:00 Oh, she's so smart, the way she can put these things together. The way she calls every single thing she sees Charlie Brown. What's the scariest bug, Georgia? This is from Becca. The scariest bug is. A, anything that's not supposed to fly that flies. Ew. Like a flying spider. Why is it flying? It's a spider.

42:23 You know what I mean? Or like a fucking flying roach.

42:27 Yes.

42:28 It's supposed to be a fucking cockroach. Why is it flying?

42:30 I came home last night, real time last night to us, our real time.

42:35 Mm-hmm.

42:36 And in the TV room, Frank was not paying attention to the food that I had. He was like wagging his tail, which he almost never does, and doing something in the corner.

42:46 And I was like, there's a bug over there. Yeah.

42:48 And it turned out to be one of these cockroaches. The big black, like big fucking little beetle.

42:55 Yes. But they're brown. Brown. Right, right, right. But with wings. But like shells. They're like water bugs almost.

43:04 Yeah.

43:05 And Frank was had half eaten.

43:08 And it was not good. What is he wagging his fucking tail for? Because he thinks it's fun. It's like a little monster that he's caught.

43:15 Oh, my God.

43:16 Well, I still have that box of moths on the fucking that I haven't moved on the fucking balcony from the cats.

43:22 Are you just going to break over that balcony and never go out there again? That's a good. I mean, look, listen.

43:29 Oh uh give me the other page where's the other page steven has it would either of you john wants to know would.

43:35 Either of you go in a hot air balloon no no.

43:39 I you know what's weird I want to go to a hot air balloon festival, get up at dawn and watch them all take off. Like in those slideshows that my father sends me through email constantly.

43:50 Those forwarded emails.

43:52 Do they have like uplifting quotes in cursive on them? You can do it.

43:56 Yeah. But I would love to see that in real life. Like watch them get blown up and take off. Can I get like... Can there be, like, an apple cider festival going on, too?

44:07 Sure.

44:07 Because I want snacks.

44:08 Yes.

44:08 If I'm going to wake up that early and go look at a thing that I'm not part of. Okay. I want snacks. Great. So, we'll do... This will be, like, a September thing that we'll do.

44:17 Yeah.

44:17 So, it'll be kind of, like, autumnal. Autumnal. What? If we do it at the Circleville Pumpkin Show. Oh, my God. Circleville Pumpkin Show. What was the question? It's just about hot air balloons.

44:32 Yeah.

44:33 Here's my answer. No, because Margaret Cho was in a hot air balloon crash.

44:38 Shut up.

44:39 And the last time I did a show, she was on it and she told the story and I could not stop laughing.

44:47 People got seriously hurt because a wind kicked up and her hot air balloon crashed.

44:52 Okay.

44:52 I just don't, none of this, don't do this. Don't do it. Don't go up there. Don't go up there.

44:59 But for a little while, and this is very fascinating, for a little while, people thought, like, in the, whatever, 1700s or, I don't know, probably 1600s, people thought hot air balloons.

45:08 Actually, it's the 1500s. Maybe it was the 1400s. People thought hot air balloons were the way everyone was going to travel.

45:14 Right.

45:15 Have you ever seen those, like, postcards, the illustrations of, like... Right.

45:19 People thought that that was going to be, like, the new superhighway or whatever.

45:22 Idiots. Fucking fools. Stupid heads.

45:25 Um.

45:26 We did that one. Hi, Elvis.

45:28 Okay, Sue asks us this. She says, stupid icebreaker type question. But if you'd only bring five things with you to a desert island, five things, what would they be? I'm going to count them off while you say what they are.

45:41 Elvis.

45:41 Yes.

45:42 Vince.

45:43 Do you like that Vince a second? Don't tell him.

45:47 Mimi.

45:48 Dottie. One thing left. Shit. A fucking hammock. And then you all get into that hammock together. And die. As a family. And starve to death. What would happen? I would have to bring, the very first thing is tweezers.

46:08 Is it because the sun's going to be great and you're going to actually be able to see those hairs?

46:14 Yeah, that and I will fully look like Tom Hanks in Castaway if I don't bring tweezers.

46:20 Okay.

46:21 In six months, they'll come and rescue me and be like, this man has a goatee did you eat karen we don't need her um so i would say tweezers um if they're.

46:33 A mirror you'll need a mirror oh yeah that's right a mirror Um, my earbuds, if they were connected to something. And you might as well bring alcohol if you're going to be on a fucking deserted island. Thank you. How about a crate of rum?

46:48 Then I just started saying a Pirates of the Caribbean movie plot line.

46:52 I bury the rum. No one knows it's there. I'm drunk. Eyeliner, black eyeliner, big boots like Jack Sparrow.

46:59 Yeah.

46:59 Perfect.

47:00 Perfect.

47:02 Um, let's see. Let's see. Let's see. I'm going to read the longest one. I don't know what it says.

47:10 Ashley says, has reading slash covering a specific story made you change your behavior? For example, I compulsively lock my car after I get out. Thanks to a campus alert I received on college about a man climbing into unlocked cars and waiting until people had driven off campus to sit up and carjack them. Yeah, that's a horrifying story.

47:30 I think that I was already paranoid to begin with. But I guess I just got paranoid or.

47:37 Yeah.

47:38 You know?

47:39 Well, you know the thing... Like, we were talking about this the other night, but.

47:42 I think I'm just suspicious of people who seem like they've got like there's nothing going on. Like those people who are like in a good mood all the time, like a positive and upbeat or whatever. I'm just like, you're not fucking fooling me.

47:56 I think so.

47:57 Yeah.

47:57 You think people are hiding shit more now?

47:59 The more even keel and like well adjusted you seem to be to me because I don't believe.

48:05 People are really like that. You must think I'm crazy. No, I think. No, I think you're the safest person. No, it just the veneer. Like, what's this veneer for?

48:18 Like the people, the people that are like, well, I do my CrossFit every morning and then I fucking do this and I do that.

48:25 And there's no outer show that you are hurt, broken, affected or whatever, where it's like, oh, are you a sociopath? So people who won't show any vulnerability. Yeah.

48:37 People who just they've like the outer presentation is perfection.

48:43 I'm just I don't buy it. Yeah. I like that. Okay, you go. Wait, did you answer?

48:49 No.

48:50 Okay. I agree. Okay, how about this one? Rachel asks.

48:57 If you could have been a fly on the wall in a police station for any past murder investigation, which investigation.

49:03 Would you choose and why? That's good.

49:05 Well, of course, I want to say East Area Rapist right off the bat. I think more so than the investigation, I want to be a fly on the wall for an interrogation.

49:12 Yes.

49:12 Like to me, that sounds so fun.

49:16 And like when I watch them, I watch them on, you know, true crime shows. I am obsessed with that part and I want to watch the whole fucking thing. Yeah.

49:25 So I bet it was so fun to fucking interrogate. Golden State Killer. Yeah, I mean, I would absolutely love.

49:34 I know that's very like of the moment, but it really is just I want to know everything that's going on. And it drives me crazy that we don't get a direct line of like, well, this happened yesterday.

49:44 I think I would also love actually is Burke Ramsey's. A childhood, child psychologist interrogation.

49:55 Nice one.

49:56 That's like, there's a little bit of footage we can watch, but I want to fucking listen in on all of it.

50:02 And I also want to.

50:03 Be seated next to a child psychologist who can tell me what's going on and why.

50:07 Yes.

50:07 Like, he's saying this because of this. That is a bad sign right there. Like, all that cranny. Yes.

50:13 Crazy shit. Yeah, yeah.

50:14 Where there's things that are indicators that you wouldn't necessarily know unless you're a real expert.

50:18 Yeah.

50:19 I think that's also why I really, really did love Mindhunter so much, because any other thing that you could pick apart or have a complaint with, because that's all anyone does anymore is pick things apart. But I found it so satisfying that there was that moment where he was sitting there just having a chat with Ed Kemper.

50:36 And there was nothing in you that didn't totally believe that was Ed Kemper. And that's really what it is. I don't like the celebrity of serial killers or whatever. But I am fascinated with what happens when a brain goes and someone just is following their own crazy logic to that degree.

50:55 Yeah.

50:56 But they can actually tell you about it.

50:58 Right.

50:58 But that's exactly the way I'd want to do it where it's not really the real person. Yeah. And it's, you know. You know that our Ed Kemper, our actor friend. Our boy Ed Kemper. Ed Kemper, he's in Barry.

51:11 Yes.

51:11 The TV show, which is so exciting.

51:14 He's in it and the Yellow King from the first season of The True Detective.

51:19 Right. That guy's an incredible actor. So good.

51:22 That show, the fucking, the guy who plays the bald headed, the shaved headed.

51:28 gangster oh my god i love him so much.

51:31 He's such a fascinating faced person yeah but that yellow king man when he shows up anywhere because he was that he's been all these things where every.

51:40 Time he shows up you're like hold on i know that face.

51:42 I didn't know vince knew he had to show me a photo from that show to be like remember i i didn't remember.

51:47 That's the thing was like i wish people would save their saying people are genius actors or whatever for shit like that where it's like have they ever made you truly believe they were an entirely different person because that's good acting.

51:59 So good should we do one more sure keep going yeah I think we can wrap this.

52:05 Down yeah if you could be on a jury Sheila says open back stairs are the most terrifying things ever right open back stairs yeah like I think like my stairs right here where like someone can grab your ankle Oh, on the ground. I was like, aren't they all open bags? You mean like a slide that's covered? How would it not be open bag?

52:30 Oh, so like almost like 70s modern stairs.

52:34 Yeah.

52:37 Yeah, I guess.

52:37 Sure.

52:38 How about, Lily wants.

52:39 To know, in which era of U.S. history do you think it would be easiest to get away with a murder?

52:46 I mean, Wild West, right? Yeah. Or any time.

52:49 I'm always shocked at any time that they solve a murder, like before the 1930s.

52:54 Yeah. I mean, it was amazing how it was just like the murder. This crime scene would get discovered and immediately 17 reporters would be standing in the blood.

53:05 And they would be chain smoking in it. Yeah. And like spitting gum into. I mean, it's so crazy. Yeah.

53:15 I wonder what your answer would be to this, because this might not be a good area, but in case you do have an answer.

53:22 Julie asks, what are your favorite fictional crime shows? Oh, fictional? I did like Cold Case. Cold Case, the one with the blonde girl? Yeah. With all the hair? Yeah.

53:33 I don't watch that many of those. They're just not my thing. But of course, Law and Order is just like fucking epic and amazing.

53:38 So good.

53:40 What's yours?

53:40 I like.

53:42 Killing Eve is out right now. And I like that a lot.

53:44 Oh, yeah.

53:44 I heard that's good. It's really, Sandra Oh is such a fucking badass.

53:47 Someone said, I think it's Emily Nussbaum, who is a reporter for, I think, the New York Times. But I follow her on Twitter. And she was like, she was raving about that show. She was like, I love it. It's making me so happy.

54:01 Yeah, it's good.

54:03 I mean, I definitely grew up and like, Law and order kept me alive when I used to have to do the road because I would go and have these, I mean, horrific nights of just terrible eating it in like one nighters and terrible bars.

54:19 And just bad shit where I was like, I didn't want to be there. They didn't want me there.

54:24 Everything about it was like not fun, which I lost the point entirely of like, this is what you're supposed to be just having fun with people.

54:32 But it was awful.

54:34 And then I would go back to my hotel room and just lock the door, turn the lights off, turn the TV on, get room service and watch Law and Order.

54:41 And it was like. taking a hot bath. It was my hot bath.

54:44 Yeah.

54:44 And I, it began to, then it, I realized it was on all the time and everywhere. And I could have that hot bath feeling whenever I wanted.

54:51 Yeah.

54:52 And Sam Waterston is the OG, like something about that guy. Yeah. I, like, I love the, the subtle storyline that he's kind of always fucking the female DA that works with him.

55:06 There's always some weird, like, they're not overt.

55:08 But, like, one time they'll say one thing about how he's having an affair with this person, except for not Angie Harmon. She was way too hot for Sam Waterston.

55:17 I love it. That's good. Okay, we are back, and we're here to talk escape rooms.

55:26 I think it's really important to give people an honest escape room update.

55:31 It's now 2026.

55:31 This was recorded in 2018. You've had all this time.

55:37 Have you gone to an escape room?

55:40 We've given you so much fucking time.

55:43 Eight years.

55:44 I'm sorry. I've been busy protesting and fucking fighting the band. So if you could. No, I have not. Have you?

55:53 Me either.

55:53 No, no.

55:54 I can't.

55:55 I think over the years, even the curiosity has waned. And now I don't care how they work and I don't care. the kind of fun you could get up to inside. And it makes me simply tired and or anxious to think about being inside one.

56:11 Yeah.

56:11 Like I can't hang out in a red light therapy fucking machine for 10 minutes. How am I going to go in a room that's locked? And that's not even good for me.

56:20 You know what I mean? That's right.

56:22 I'm not getting anything out of this, but feeling stupid.

56:25 Yeah. You would feel stupid. Would you go though?

56:29 If it were red light therapy all in the room as you were trying to solve.

56:33 Actually, yes.

56:35 That would be a really great way to get me to do something.

56:38 Yeah. Now we're getting things done. Now we're, what do you call it? Multitasking.

56:42 College now has red light therapy in all of its classes.

56:46 Oh, well. If there's serums, as you solve every clue, you get another serum to layer on your skin.

56:52 Totally.

56:53 Oh, I would do it for that.

56:55 Are corn pops still, though people want to know, are corn pops still your favorite cereal?

56:59 Yes, although I will say this, and I am so screwed up right now from jet lag that I don't.

57:04 Know what's up. Yeah, I know, I can tell. You yawned, and I said to myself, I don't think I've actually ever seen you yawn. Like, I know you're tired, but I, like, you know, you've been tired. I don't think I've ever seen you yawn.

57:17 You know what it is?

57:17 Because I normally, I'm a professional, and I save it for my private time. But I'm in that, I'm in like a weird zone where I don't know what time of day it is and what's going on. But today I was like, I'm hungry. Like there was nothing I could do about it. And then I just ate like three bowls of cereal in a row. And it was Raisin Bran Crunch and it was so good.

57:37 Okay.

57:38 Yeah.

57:38 Is that just me in a weird spot?

57:41 Maybe. It's good. It's close to what mine is, Raisin Nut Bran. I think I told you recently they make peanut butter Chex now too.

57:49 What? Yeah.

57:50 You did tell me that and I forgot. Maybe that's what we need.

57:53 That's all I talk about these days.

57:54 What if we, what if we have a fan cult video where we just eat cereal really loud and it'll be my sister's nightmare.

58:02 Out of giant bowls with giant spoons. Okay.

58:04 And be like, it's good. I do like it.

58:06 It's good. Any other updates?

58:09 When's the last time you've been to Tam O'Shanter?

58:12 Oh, it's been a while. Like, what's the point of going if I can't have a martini?

58:15 You know what I mean?

58:16 You can feel the old alcoholism in the wood in that place.

58:22 Like the bartenders are like leaving their AA meetings for sure.

58:27 You know what?

58:28 The reason to do it, though, is that beautiful, freshly roasted turkey because it's hard to get your hands on these days.

58:35 But they don't have the carving station anymore. Do you know that?

58:38 No, why?

58:38 Yeah, post-pandemic. They just don't do that anymore.

58:42 I need to see them cut that turkey.

58:44 Totally. And then, no, I think we'd go now, because we were talking about going for Christmas, and then Vince wants to go to the Smokehouse instead. Oh, yeah.

58:56 That's a little bit more of a, there's more action at the Smokehouse.

59:00 Yeah, but I do love a seat at the bar at the Tam O'Shantern with a fucking cold ass martini.

59:06 Yeah.

59:06 Man. And some corned beef.

59:08 Yeah.

59:09 It sounds like you used to be like an executive from Xerox where you're just like.

59:14 You know, get that cold beef at one o'clock in the afternoon.

59:17 Those were the days.

59:19 Six martinis and drive home. That used to be how it worked. Oh, God.

59:23 Okay. Frances McDormand and the Olsen twins. Pretty great.

59:28 The Olsen twins is such a good answer for who's going to play you.

59:32 I could not in a million years have guessed that I said that. Like, not in a million years.

59:37 So funny.

59:39 There is a part of this, and it took me a really long time to realize it, We just have old conversations recorded. Like, that's a really funny thing of just, like, ourselves from 10 years ago.

59:50 Totally.

59:51 Totally.

59:52 All right.

59:53 Well, let's get into listener questions for Stephen. Oh, I love this.

1:00:06 Do you think we've done it? I think we did it. Was that long enough?

1:00:09 It was about an hour. Well, sorry. That's about an hour.

1:00:12 All right. It was long enough that Stephen's voice shut down. Stephen lost his voice. Should we ask Stephen a couple questions? Yes. Here, let me find one. Stephen, pen or pencil? Uh-oh.

1:00:22 Let me ask you who that's from. Brianna wants to know, do you prefer using pen or pencil?

1:00:28 Pen.

1:00:29 Okay. Good one, Brianna. Okay.

1:00:33 Okay, wait.

1:00:33 Just because I write weird and so I smudge.

1:00:36 Oh, with the side of your hand? Yeah. What about... Steven, what... Steven!

1:00:41 Steven, Kate wants to know what your death row meal, your death sentence meal would be.

1:00:48 Oh, that's a good one. Let's all say ours.

1:00:50 Okay.

1:00:51 Uh.

1:00:52 Because I feel like it's guilty pleasure, right?

1:00:54 Yeah.

1:00:54 You need to go out on a high note.

1:00:56 It's your last anything you get to eat on this planet. Comfort food. Anything that makes you happy. I think I already said mine is cheese plate, corn dogs, and deviled eggs. You're sticking with your Cleveland meal? Sticking with it and champagne.

1:01:07 Kraft macaroni and cheese.

1:01:09 Yes.

1:01:09 With hot dogs.

1:01:11 Yes.

1:01:12 Pepper on top and ketchup.

1:01:14 Nice that sounds disgusting yeah just that just be like a big bowl.

1:01:20 Almost like a mac and cheese hot dog.

1:01:22 Casserole yeah like the whole box of craft like not just half of it yeah not.

1:01:28 A scoop pepper like ground pepper on top.

1:01:31 Of it yeah over the so it's got a nice little.

1:01:35 That sounds disgusting and i want it immediately and what kind of hot sauce Oh.

1:01:39 No, just straight up ketchup. Just straight up Heinz ketchup.

1:01:42 Mixed in it?

1:01:43 With macaroni and cheese.

1:01:44 Stephen, were you at Abandoned in a children's cafeteria when you were eight years old?

1:01:50 You want a high C with that?

1:01:52 It just reminds me of like. It just reminds me of when my mom was like, I don't want to cook. I've been working nine to five and I have to pick you up from daycare. And like, I'm just going to throw that craft in the, in the thing. You heat it for like five minutes.

1:02:06 It feels like.

1:02:07 It's delicious.

1:02:07 Mix it with the cheese.

1:02:08 And kids fucking love it. Like they never go, I don't know how to eat this. It's just like, they eat it all. Hot dogs for protein-ish.

1:02:14 Yes.

1:02:15 Extra sodium. Hot dogs for nitrates.

1:02:17 Then if we're doing, if we're doing childhood loves, then I want, I want to change mine to cornmeal pancakes for dinner.

1:02:24 Oh, and who did that? Janet or Marty? Janet.

1:02:28 Pancakes for dinner. We like didn't know we were poor. It's like the most exciting thing.

1:02:32 Yeah, that's fun time. Yeah. What's yours, Karen? Well, if we're going to do childhood, then it's overcooked chicken breast.

1:02:39 Oh, because my mother always was like, oh, oh, pull that chicken out of the oven. She was like, always forgot it was in there. So overcooked chicken breast, minute rice and frozen corn that's been defrosted.

1:02:53 That's good.

1:02:54 And then just like Stephen's saying, I think the seasoning is kind of key because that's when all the food my mom made was so bland that you'd.

1:03:01 Be like, no, you know what? I will try some pepper. Like, I know I'm only 10, but let's get some seasoning. Lowry's seasoning salt is actually great. Look at onion salt we could use. There's all kinds of things.

1:03:12 What about Stouffer's French bread pizzas then?

1:03:15 Can we go there? My parents wouldn't buy shit like that. Well, I eat it as an adult, though. Oh, then yes, we can go there. Okay.

1:03:21 I feel like Vince made us one of those one time after we were recording for a long time.

1:03:25 No, that was like a tombstone something or other. It was good. It was fucking good. Like coming downstairs.

1:03:32 And I think this is the other thing, because we this got pulled out of the equation kind of early where my mom would be like, well, make it yourself. She was the queen of make it yourself. So anytime someone's like, I whipped up this thing for you. I like I just the concept of it makes me like, oh, this is the best thing ever.

1:03:48 So even when you're dating someone, they're like, let me make you dinner. Never fucking happened.

1:03:52 What?

1:03:53 I can't remember one person that cooked that I knew. Are you serious?

1:03:57 I just gave Stephen a look of like, Stephen, we need to help her.

1:04:01 I just in this Q & A show alone realized that I have a bad picker. I just can't pick them at all.

1:04:09 All right. Well, Stephen and I are going to pick someone for you. It's just because I always date bodybuilders. Oh, stop it.

1:04:16 You're complaining about people who don't want dessert and then you're dating a bodybuilder?

1:04:19 I'm not. I'm totally joking. Oh, okay. Like, I'm trying to figure out why the fuck. Oh, I get it. What am I doing? Because even he would boil a fucking chicken breast for you. I mean, one would hope. Some rice pilaf and a bunch of broccoli. Ooh, rice pilaf and broccoli and.

1:04:33 What about that rice pilaf that has the weird almonds in it where you're like, are these almonds man-made?

1:04:38 Dude, I love that shit. They're good. I'm hungry. Should we get food?

1:04:42 Yeah.

1:04:42 All right. Let's do it.

1:04:47 Okay. Okay, we're back.

1:04:50 I don't know why that was so funny.

1:04:52 Okay.

1:04:53 Okay.

1:04:54 Okay.

1:04:55 I don't know why.

1:04:57 All right. Should we wrap things up? Clomp everywhere is just great.

1:05:02 That's so good.

1:05:02 I love the word clomp.

1:05:03 Clomp is perfect.

1:05:05 I love the fact that we talked about death row meals for so.

1:05:10 Long in this conversation.

1:05:12 It's so inappropriate.

1:05:14 Well, but this is an icebreaker conversation that people have. And we will not be going down for that because that's what everyone talks about. All right.

1:05:24 But if we were naming this episode today... Based on some of the shit we said.

1:05:28 Hard to beat Clomp Everywhere, but we could do The Clock is Aliens, which was very high concept for this episode.

1:05:36 Thank you. We could do So Much Cuteness Available.

1:05:42 Yeah.

1:05:42 A lot of that. Of course, The Staunchest Paleoist. A lot of good ones in this.

1:05:49 And then, of course, both Olsen twins.

1:05:51 Both Olsen twins, I think, is the clear second place to clomp everywhere.

1:05:56 Do you think that an Olsen twin has ever listened to an episode of this podcast?

1:06:00 God, I'd be honored.

1:06:02 I know, me too.

1:06:03 Such legends. Totally. And just passionate smokers.

1:06:07 Pros, legends, smokers.

1:06:10 What more do you want? They've seen it all. They've done it all.

1:06:13 Well, and a perfect ending for this episode, this week's episode of Rewind.

1:06:18 Let's say goodbye to Mary-Kate and Ashley in 2018.

1:06:24 Thanks for listening to this fucking weird Q & A.

1:06:27 We'll be back home in the U.S. of A next week.

1:06:30 We'll be back on brand when our big tour is over.

1:06:34 That's right. So thanks for listening. Stay sexy. And don't get murdered. Goodbye. Hey Elvis, you want a cookie? Whoa.

1:06:42 He's like, you guys have been making me hungry this whole fucking time.