The Sex Gay Men Are Really Craving - Interview with Vance Hedman

What are gay men actually craving in bed—and why doesn’t porn, hookup culture, or Instagram perfection satisfy it?

In this deep, honest conversation, sex and relationship therapist Tom Bruett (he/him) sits down with porn performer, intimacy coach, and podcast host Vance Hedman(he/him) to talk about authenticity, masculinity, porn myths, body shame, loneliness, sobriety, and the kind of intimacy gay men are starving for—but rarely taught how to ask for.

We explore why so many gay men feel disconnected from their bodies, why “being hot” doesn’t translate to good sex, how porn quietly trains us to perform instead of connect, and what real pleasure actually looks like when safety, slowness, and consent are centered.

About Vance:
Vance is a certified somatic practitioner based in Toronto, Canada. With a passion for connection and intimacy, he works with queer people socialized as men to work through shame to be their authentic selves. Vance is a porn performer and the host of the podcast "Mask Off for Masc."

Connect with Vance:
Website: vanceintimacycoaching.com
Instagram: vancehdmn
Youtube: @MaskOffForMasc (studio.youtube.com/channel/UC8_CdPRzVoFuJ-9rkh…)​

Chapters
• 00:00 Inspiration for Starting the Podcast
• 08:19 Overcoming Insecurities and Self-Improvement
• 14:18 Learning About Sex and *beep*
• 20:12 Craving for Meaningful Sex and Intimacy
• 27:29 The Importance of Safety and Boundaries
• 32:32 Consent and Communication
• 38:30 The Epidemic of Gay Loneliness