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  1. 395 - Van Helsing

    This week’s wiggiest horror movie is... Van Helsing. This film has everything: a wig that out-monsters the monsters, an electrical Wonka, And a that might be having a little bit too much fun. If you love catastrophic hair, candy-coated mad

  2. 394 - Renfield

    “This is the first time that Nicolas Cage has ever been stopped by a circle of cocaine.” This week’s nastiest toxic-boss horror movie is… Renfield. This film has everything: Corporate Dracula, Welcome-Mat Vampire Law, and the most truthful

  3. 393 - The Last Voyage of the Demeter

    “He is just shipping himself with snacks.” This week’s bougiest coffin-cruise horror movie is… The Last Voyage of the Demeter. This film has everything: a vampire who mails himself across Europe with provisions. Blood bag wisdom brought to

  4. 392 - Nosferatu (2024)

    “This is why we shouldn’t have made women wear corsets.” This week’s prettiest fever dream is… Nosferatu. This film has everything: a naked blood-circle fax machine. Some of the absolute worst period-accurate hair. And a villain that edges

  5. 391 - House of Wax

    “My dick is encased in wax. It’s the ultimate condom.” This week’s horniest fire hazard of a horror movie is House of Wax. This film has everything: wax-on-wax violence, Quentin Tarantino’s evil twin, and smoldering chemistry only ruined by

  6. 390 - Bones and All

    “He’s wearing more flair than an Applebee’s assistant manager" This week’s hungriest horror movie is… Bones and All. This film has everything: A Donkey-Kong victory dance to a KISS tune, Ethical-cannibalism campfire rules, and the most unde

  7. 389 - Fear

    “I’m just impressed by the loyalty of the Funky Bunch.” This week’s most unhinged horror-thriller is… Fear. This film has everything: the unwavering loyalty of the Funky Bunch, the death of a german Kaiser, and a crew you can’t tell is a ro

  8. 388 - I Still Know What You Did Last Summer

    "You're the hottest person at your college and dumb enough to get kidnapped." This week’s most scariest horror movie is I Still Know What You Did Last Summer. This film has everything: Jamiroquai in a murder poncho, A lost live action Scoob

  9. 387 - Willy's Wonderland

    “If turtles are flightless birds, is lasagna a cake?” This week’s most requested horror movie is Willy’s Wonderland. This film has everything: A silent janitor with zero follow-up questions. Animatronic Pizzagate. And a haunted true crime o

  10. 386 - What Lies Beneath

    “That necklace should only be viewed through a hand mirror.” This week’s scariest horror movie is What Lies Beneath. This film has everything: ghost girls with boundary issues, true crime witchcraft girlies, and a husband who invents the bi

  11. 385 - The Purge: Anarchy

    “I would stay in a dumpster overnight with you.” This week’s all-too-real horror movie is The Purge: Anarchy. This film has everything: Dumpster survival strategies, rich psychos in cocktail attire, and a Frank Castle stand-in that just can

  12. 384 - Silent Hill

    “If your daughter’s in a drawer, it’s too late.” This week’s horniest horror movie is… Silent Hill. This film has everything: A giant sexy demon that just can't wait to rip everything off you. A cop whose clearly not dressed for the day she

  13. 383 - Death Proof

    "It's only car chase I can describe as dialogue-heavy." This week’s scariest movie is... Death Proof. This film has everything: A scar that somehow makes it hotter that he’s murdering you, foot close-ups, and a theory that will have kit mar

  14. 382 - The Hitcher

    "Is this just Fight Club in the 80s?" This week’s most unhinged highway horror is The Hitcher (1986). This film has everything: Gas station explosions, Tyler Durden cosplay, and a Swedish-American shoulder-width that brings all the Pages to

  15. 381 - Wrong Turn 2: Dead End

    "Have you never had a boba pee?" This week’s scariest road trip movie is... Wrong Turn 2: Dead End. This film has everything: A reality show where the prize is dying first. A muscle-bound host with drill sergeant energy who shoves dynamite

  16. 380 - Friday the 13 (2009)

    This week’s scariest movie is... Friday the 13th (2009). This film has everything: an underground tunnel empire straight out of Gummy Bears, using a machete to hack away at a public library keyboard, and a burial comparison you will not see

  17. 379 - Sinners

    “It’s an R&B Blade.” This week’s coolest horror movie is... Sinners. This film has everything: A team up so legend Nick Fury would be jealous, Uncles reminding the nephew to eat, and both Michael A, and B Jordan's doing their best to protec

  18. 378 - The Monkey

    “The monkey is basically Tommy Lee, and I'm sick of pretending not to notice.” This week’s most unhinged horror movie is... The Monkey. This film has everything: An electric detonation, A stripper face reveal that will blow your mind, and a

  19. 377 - Terminator 2: Judgment Day

    “He's made of knife.” This week’s slimiest horror movie is... Terminator 2: Judgment Day. This film has everything: a corrupted Windows version of Gollum, a reality where John Connor skips leading the resistance and just lives his best life

  20. 376 - Freaky Tales

    "Psytopics is like R&B Dianetics." This week’s most unapologetically anti-fascist horror movie is... Freaky Tales. This film has everything: A Scott Pilgrim-style street brawl between punks and Nazis, a soft-spoken supervillain who can make

  21. 375 - Heart Eyes

    “You have the right to remain charming. Anything you say can and will be used to make me blush.” This week’s most romantically unhinged horror movie is... Heart Eyes. This film has everything: A vineyard that produces a very bloody red, A k

  22. 374 - Pet Sematary II

    “Clyde is like child Hitler.” This week’s most unhinged horror movie is… Pet Sematary 2. This film has everything: A stepdad who swings between “respect your mother” and “shoot the family dog” energy, a cat lover who will go full Liam Neeso

  23. 373 - Final Destination 3

    "It's like watching a commercial for the board game Mouse Trap." This week’s craziest horror movie is… Final Destination 3. This film has everything: a Rube Goldberg Grim Reaper, the strangest public transportation premonition to date, and

  24. 372 - Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night 2

    "She got hit so hard with a volleyball, she got sent into the ghost realm." This week’s most unhinged horror movie is... Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night 2. This film has everything: A Pandora’s box hidden in a room full of capes, The most haunte

  25. 371 - A Quiet Place 2

    "You can't breathe through your butthole." This week’s scariest horror movie is... A Quiet Place Part II. This film has everything: A baby in a Moses basket with a scuba mask, Emily Blunt flooding yet another basement like it’s her post-apo

  26. 370 - Smile 2

    "Tell me more about the time you used the dildo medicinally.” This week’s scariest movie is... Smile 2. This movie has everything: A Flatliners-style shock therapy plan that says “trauma, but make it crispy,” proof that Voss Water that migh

  27. 369 - Slither

    "If your husband comes back from the woods with a virus, just pack a bag and go." This week’s slimiest horror movie is... Slither. This film has everything: a man so nice they infected him twice, A small-town countdown to deer season, and a

  28. 368 - Night of the Comet

    "If you want it to be less formal, you’re gonna have to take off the fucks-edo." This weeks scariest movie is... Night of the Comet. This movie has everything. A retail uprising led by Stockboy Willie, the patron saint of mall trauma, Survi

  29. 367 - From Beyond

    "What if we turn on the death machine that gives us boners?" This week’s horniest horror movie is... From Beyond. This film has everything: a scientist who accidentally builds a machine that unlocks the horny dimension, a sentient nut sack

  30. 366 - Night of the Demons

    "Climb, girl, climb!" This weeks scariest movie is.... Night of the Demons. This movie has everything, A funeral home with a terrible backstory, a Spooky Strobe light Burlesque, and a hidden compartment you never saw coming. So grab your bo

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