Patreon Preview | The Love of a Grandfather

What's frustrating is to see the women carry water for something that's very obviously wrong. When Angie sits down and starts speaking.

It.

Shiplap glowingly about the relationship between Mary Cosby and her fucking grandfather.

Let old Patty carry the water for this one, Dylan. Okay.

Down in Utah, the guys and I dig a city called Salt Lake. It's got the grooviest kids, that's why we never get tired of Salt Lake.

Check, check.

Check one.

Hi, hello, and welcome to the Patreon exclusive recap of Bravo's The Real Housewives podcast.

Salt Lake. I'm Dill, that's Pat. Great to be here. Did you get a haircut?

I cut my own hair. My kids were asking me about that. It's kind of embarrassing to admit, but I don't have time to sit down and wait at Supercuts. Turns out Supercuts is a very busy haircutting location these days.

What happened? You went once and it took too long?

Oh no, multiple times. I walk in there.

How long are you, you don't get an appointment?

Well, even if you go in there for an appointment, they're like, you're still sitting there sometimes for 20 minutes. I don't have time to sit there for 20 minutes.

I'm sorry.

Are you sitting in the waiting area for 20 minutes?

Yeah.

I didn't know Supercuts had like a Dantanas kind of energy.

Oh, absolutely. It's like waiting at a bus stop.

For 20 minutes.

Who wants to do that, right? You're reminded you're a loser.

Okay.

Well, public transit is a very, Oh no, no, no.

I didn't mean it that way.

Um, no bus stops or bus stops are a little tough out here.

Um, I meant to say you're reminded your life is in danger for sure.

Cause, um, you know, it's so funny and driving over here.

I saw, um, shirtless man getting into a fight with a cleaning van that was parked on the side of the road.

The van must have said something to him, and he was incensed.

CeCe and I were driving to go see Jack White last night at the Palladium, which I got to talk to you about on APS, but We're getting on the freeway, and there was a woman in the middle of the on-ramp with two puppies and a spilled-over recycling container, state-issued. It belonged to somebody with shit all over the street.

And me and Cece were just like, Hollywood night. So here we are, here we are. And we're ready to talk about the zombies are everywhere.

By the way, it's fucking crazy. There are puppy zombies. Like what am I, am I supposed to get out and help.

This fun note about salt Lake city in the San Fernando Valley.

Okay.

When they're trying to film the San Fernando Valley, like go back in time of what it looked like, like say they're trying to shoot.

Or are we talking a documentary?

The sandlot. The film The Sandlot, which is beloved by probably a lot of people in their 30s, 40s, and 50s. They could not shoot that in the San Fernando Valley. The San Fernando Valley has changed so much since the 70s. It doesn't look like that anymore. They went to Salt Lake City. Because modern Salt Lake City looks like the San Fernando Valley did in the 70s.

Oh, really?

Yeah, a little Hollywood secret. So they film in Salt Lake City because it looks like the San Fernando Valley.

I feel like the San Fernando Valley, when they filmed it, looked okay. Now it certainly doesn't, but we're here to talk about Salt Lake City, a show that is just a weekly gift to the audience. I mean, it was just wall to wall, so much incredible stuff. I know that you find Mary Cosby to be a diabolical human being.

Ah, that word. Um, but, uh, she is never not.

I feel like I'm at the zoo every time I watch her on television. She is a space cadet. Um, quiet is really fucking bringing it. And if I could just issue my husband's right now, I'd give it a 14.

Oh yeah.

This episode, um, you know, uh, To just compare this to Orange County, which we've shit all over and it's a hate watch. Think about how much these women give. They're failing marriages. I love how Angie just like off the cuff as she's prepping for her trip to San Francisco, just basically says her marriage is falling apart. Like out of the blue.

Yeah, just a quick like, so we do meanwhiles in like OC in the Valley and stuff like that. And you'll pop to Brittany who's like, Making chicken tenders covered in beans or whatever she's making. And then like Tamara will, yeah, I don't know, be packing up her daughter to move into the 15th apartment. This show, we stop by Angie's house and she is in a crippling emotional state wherein she's talking about getting a divorce. The show just brings more.

It brings more. It certainly does.

And yes, I agree with you. Not often does a new cast member come in strong, and Kwai is really doing that. Even the breakdown showing some vulnerability towards the end of the episode after taking a- Yeah, rounded out the performance.

Exactly.

Taking on like, oh, you're not just going to be like this wall that can just take everything. You're showing vulnerability.

Yeah.

What was amazing about this episode was you got to see in real time, it was her welcome to the NFL moment. It was like, oh my God, I had no idea. I was now- I'm now encircled by true sociopaths, including my friend who knew my dead sister just fucking threw me under the bus.

This is the game. You just got hit by Ray Lewis.

Here's the other thing. Legacy, there is a hierarchy within the Real Housewives franchise. Legacy protects legacy. A newbie coming in and saying, hey, remember, like, I need you witnesses. You guys all heard that earlier conversation, right? I need you to testify right now. And they're all like, I didn't fucking hear anything.

I mean, this is you.

What? No, no, no.

We're legacy.

We don't.

We kill each other, but we don't kill for you.

Yeah, no, this was a Cosa Nostra kind of thing. And it's very, very confusing why Kwai is so confused. I'm, I'm grateful that Kwai has come with, with the posture that she's come, but it's like in any group or the housewives are no different. You're riding the pine right now, lady.

Okay. We got starters here.

I don't know why I keep talking about sports, but.

It is a very, it's.

A competitive environment. So how many snowballs and or husbands or whatever?

I'm going to give it, I'm going to give it 80 husbands. It's pretty good.

That's a lot.

It's pretty good. I like the way it started.

If you don't mind, how did you cut your own hair?

I use a mirror and then a second hand mirror. And then I just chop away with the scissors.

Can I tell you something? Yeah. It looks good.

Thank you. My son said it looked good.

You look very boyish. Thank you. Yeah.

My son said, I like your hair, daddy.

You look like a paper boy. Thank you. I mean that it, you look very youthful. Thank you.

Seriously.

Oh my God.

The pre-K teachers, when I picked up Quentin today, they're like, Ooh, bad day. I'm like, what happened? They said, you want to take a nap? And when we tried to tell him he needed to take a nap, he started spitting on his pillow. And I was like, oh my God.

He's going to be a demon. My daughter has taken to hitting us in the face. There you go.

Prison baby.

You know, it's so funny because she smacked me in the face today because I picked her up from something that she was doing. We needed to leave. And I just smacked her back in the face. And evidently, this is a very frowned upon thing. My wife was very, very upset.

Oh, yeah.

I don't think you should hit a baby. I mean, did she have it coming?

She hit me in the face. Oh, OK. I mean, I didn't, you.

Know.

It was a six or a seven out of ten.

It wasn't full power. There you go. All right, let's get into it.

All right, can I start us off? Because this is my favorite moment of the entire episode. Lisa and HG, and this was just glossed over, but they do a little shopping for the Oscars, apparently.

Well, not for the Oscars, but the Oscars are transpiring.

Right, and is Lisa going to the Oscars? No. Why would she mention it? We have no idea, but that's between Lisa and the voices that she hears in her head that never stop talking.

The voices in her head are inviting her to the Oscars.

She is.

I mean, it'd be interesting to peg her down a little bit.

It's kind of heartbreaking when somebody says something that insane and the.

Peanut gallery of the housewives. I feel if we were there. Hold on for one moment.

We have to talk about you turning down the most exclusive invite in Hollywood.

Annually? Is it annually? Do you turn this down? She is so crazy.

Oh, no, but Heather G. g she will put that in her pocket and save that little nugget for when the entire group is there.

Savage they these are competent ladies okay they do they do a fantastic job what am i saying but let's get to mary cosby's um And if I'm a little low energy, I apologize. I told Pat I took a boa ashwagandha supplement earlier today and proceeded to drive heave and throw up mucus for the next four hours. So I think I'm going to return that supplement actually. Because when I think supplementation and healthfulness, I.

Don't think puking and being low energy. Okay.

So let's get to Mary Cosby's. It's been a a couple of weeks since Robert's homegoing. Any thoughts on the term homegoing?

I think that's an interesting term. I had to rewind it twice to catch that one. Well, it's been two weeks and Mary's in survival mode. And thank goodness she has all that help where she mandates people wear hairnets and face masks to spread crackers on a tray.

Yeah.

So she speaks on not letting the darkness in and That she's a Libra, and because of that, she needs everything fancy.

So she just says things, right? I mean, I've been a Libra pretty much my whole life.

I've heard a lot of astrological summaries of a Libra or qualities. I've never heard Libras like things fancy. But what in the human centipede victim is this woman? You were 100% right about Mary Cosby.

I know that people have been like, oh, this is very harsh. Her son just passed away.

Look at the state of this woman and look at the conversation they're having.

All right.

So I'm going to say this and I'll be brief, Dylan. People deal with grief differently. So I guess what, who am I to say, but, and I will not torpedo or offend our audience over something stupid, like crucifying this dumb idiot. But I do want the audience to ask themselves a question. And just, this is an honest question here.

If you lost a child, Two weeks ago, would you allow a film crew in your show, in your house to be filming a reality TV show?

Okay.

And then ask yourself, what kind of person.

Would, if you wouldn't do that? Okay, well.

And then we shall move on from that.

I honestly think that you're right, but you're pointing out the wrong thing.

This is her job.

No, no, no, no. If money, I forgot to add that variable. Mary Cosby is a very wealthy woman, or so she says. She has a woman- staff member in her house wearing a hairnet with a face mask on.

Here's the thing though, Pat.

She claims to be a wealthy woman, but as is evidenced by her desperate need to film this television show, I'm sure she's a narcissist, but you and I both know she needs that money very badly.

So she has to film.

But I think a bigger indication of how horrible Mary is, is that she let her son die of drug addiction on her watch.

But also just this woman. I don't know if she has a cold and she's a.

Normally would be there every day, but we're just being careful now.

I don't think that's it.

I think that Mary Cosby has this woman in gloves, a COVID mask, and a hairnet to spread crackers out with love. The woman has a very submissive, dare I say scared disposition around Mary Cosby. She calls her ma'am. This is Buffalo Bill shit. It freaked me the fuck out. Mary Cosby is. You know, the table of like neutral, good, lawful, good.

And then there's like evil and care. She's like weird evil.

Like there's, if there's a box off to the side called weird evil, that's Mary Cosby.

She, God, this spooked me the fuck out.

I hope the audience kind of comes around to old Patty, the ones that are calling me harsh and mean.

I don't think it's the majority.

Oh, it definitely isn't. A lot of people, most people agree with me. I'm trying to get around to the haters.

Yeah.

Well, Angie arrives with flowers and sorry, I'm going to harp on this, but Mary immediately takes the photo of Robert Jr.

Says I can't do photos right now.

I can't do photos right now. And then discards the picture.

Yeah.

Yeah. Hey, Mary, um, Is there something you don't like staring back at you?

Well, I would say, like you mentioned, everyone deals with grief differently. But again, this is very, very weird.

Okay. Oh, yes.

Yeah.

So yeah, we get into the Angie sits down and this is where like, you know, we, we have the, the freedom to speak very transparently about how we feel about the ladies and what's happening and, The women of the show and what's happening on the show.

Angie, I feel like.

What's frustrating is to see the women carry water for something that's very obviously wrong. When Angie sits down and starts speaking, it shiplap glowingly about the relationship between Mary Cosby and her fucking grandfather.

Let old Patty carry the water for this one, Dylan.

Okay.

Salt Lake City

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