Spy Cats and Awebots

0:00 Scotty, ready? You know I am. I'm ready to, for once in my life, laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh.

0:10 Here it is. In 1964, the CIA attached microphones to cats and tried to train them to eavesdrop on their enemies. It didn't quite go to plan.

0:21 Wow. That's... adorable and also i'm not surprised that this didn't go to plan they seem to be on their own sort of adventures at all time well if you're feline as fine as we are let's get into a little episode of bananas if i said something that put your world on its head would you.

0:45 Believe me Guys, gals, non-binary pals, welcome to Bananas. I'm Kurt Braunohler.

1:11 I'm banana boy number two, Scotty Landis. Thank you for listening to the silliest little podcast there ever was, wherever you may be, specifically to the good and decent people of Clarkston, Michigan, Kurt. Ooh.

1:22 Ooh, how many?

1:24 Population 928.

1:26 Just under the wire.

1:27 Just under our impressive wire, including day one bananimal, great bananimal, Brett Kenerson. So Clarkston.

1:36 Yeah.

1:36 Those are officially on the map.

1:38 On the map. Scotty, look at, I finally have a background that's starting to take shape.

1:45 Yes, you do.

1:46 I'm finally getting, we've been going room by room in this house and getting it ready to be livable in an actual functional space. Lauren got these bookshelves for free.

1:57 They look nice.

1:58 She painted them.

2:00 They look really nice.

2:01 Aren't they really nice? She did a really good job.

2:04 As soon as there's even one thing on any of those shelves, it'll really, really be nice. I like looking at books. I don't. You know, there's that weird fantasy you have every once in a while where I'm like, wouldn't it just be great to work in a bookshop and just read and drink coffee and tea all day?

2:23 Talk about books. I won't be able to afford even a meal if I work in a bookshop.

2:29 I worked at Barnes & Noble when I was 19. Barnes & Noble in Wall, New Jersey. It was a very small Barnes & Noble. It was when Barnes & Noble was everywhere, so not all of them were like those big, massive stores that they are now. They used to be just like little bookstores.

2:46 Oh, no. Sorry.

2:46 It wasn't a Barnes & Noble. That's right. It was a Walden Books.

2:50 Walden was big on the East Coast.

2:52 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was Walden Books. And I was so excited to work at a bookstore.

2:56 Loved books.

2:56 Loved reading. I was a big nerd.

2:58 Mm-hmm.

2:59 I spent the majority of my time destroying books. Like that was the majority of my time because there would be all these mass market paperbacks or primarily like science fiction or romance. And if they didn't sell in a certain time, you just rip the cover off, throw the book away. And then mail the covers back to the publisher as proof that they didn't sell.

3:24 I had to do that with some magazines at a couple jobs.

3:26 Yeah.

3:26 It's really, what a waste.

3:28 It's such a bummer for someone who loves books.

3:32 Yeah.

3:33 You're just sitting with thousands and thousands of books destroying them.

3:38 Wow. My God, that is... Yeah, I mean, I think it would also be, like, satisfying to do it once because it's, like, such naughty behavior. It's like, oh, I'm going to rip the cover off this thing. But then you're like, oh, this poor guy.

3:52 Yeah, and then I ended up, like, trying to keep some of them, you know? So I was, like, reading all of these books with no cover. So you just, like, don't forget what it's called or who it's by and everything.

4:05 True crazy man behavior. But that's cool. Walden Books. Shout out Walden Books. Walden Books, baby. There it is. My God.

4:13 You've been in Austin. How's it going?

4:15 Good. I'm about to leave. My flight's in about three hours. Austin's been beautiful. I'm going to do a TV show down here sometime this winter with a very funny comedian and actor named Tim Baltz.

4:28 He's the best. He played my brother on American Housewife.

4:32 Oh, that's funny. I didn't know that. Yeah. And... We had a great moment yesterday. We were doing a location scout, so we went to a studio and opened the door and we're meeting the dude that's showing us around, kind of the property manager guy. And I was like, hey, I'm Scotty. He goes, I know who you are, banana boy number two.

4:51 Whoa, straight up.

4:53 That's only the third time it's just happened fully in the wild. Yeah, he's like an early adapter. So shout out to Chris. I'm going to be working with him. We're going to go with his location. That's dope. That's great. That's cool. He was a huge hot tub fan back in New York. He used to live in New York, and he was like, I used to go to every hot tub.

5:11 Oh, that's awesome.

5:12 Yeah, it was really cool. So anyways, it's rare when that happens, but nice when that happens.

5:18 Speaking of, Kristen is in town, and we did Cold Plunge together last night, so it was like hot tub vibes, man.

5:25 How was it? Oh, it was a delight.

5:27 It was very fun. It was a very weird show. We had a lot of very fun weirdos on. We had some clowns and stuff. It was a real variety. It was very much like old school hot tub.

5:39 That's how I like it.

5:41 So it was fun.

5:43 I'm in the tallest building in Texas. This hotel is the tallest building in Texas.

5:48 You won't be there when this comes out, so why don't you dox yourself, Scotty?

5:51 I think it's one hotel or hotel one. It's brand new. It's really nice. It truly is the tallest building in all of Texas, which is my old Drinking recommendation is whenever you're in a town you don't know that well, stay in the tallest hotel. So if you get a little drunk or turned around, you just look up and walk towards it. And I didn't pick this place. And also, we won't be staying here during production. There's a thing in TV where you go on location scouts and production puts you up in the nicest hotels. And then when you come back to shoot, you're just at like... jim bob's roach motel and you're like what a bait and switch this was yeah.

6:29 You're like oh this is gonna be really nice living here.

6:33 Yeah it's cool i was walking around and uh i'm downtown i was just wandering it's like a real uh it's a real dude privilege just to be able to walk around a city anywhere you want yeah but also i was thinking about it when i was walking around i was like It's not only just a guy privilege that it's safer to walk around a city you're not in, but I'm also somebody that is very fast speed-wise. And I'm like, that's another privilege. Like if some kook came up to me and I'm like, I will run away from that person and I don't think they're going to catch me.

7:09 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a similar thing where I'm not fast, but I'm big and And I've got no problem being real weird in public.

7:21 That's the ultimate.

7:22 Which freaks people out.

7:24 That's the ultimate. There's a very, very pretty Danish influencer. And she used to put these videos up of just acting totally insane on the sidewalk while walking to her job or whatever. And it was such a great bit because she did some of the weirdest just stuff. She would scream and roll. And I'm like, the fact that that's self-defense... It's really something. Yeah. And I sent you a picture. I was just wandering around. It was 3 p.m.

7:52 Got out of all the meetings. I was like, oh, let's see. And I saw this really good-looking restaurant called Van Horns. And I just opened the door, and I was going to be like, can I just sit at the bar tonight and have dinner? And it was at 3 p.m. And the guy goes, come on in. I was like, do I need a reservation for the bar or anything? It's just going to be me. And the guy is like, you know, we have a happy hour steak.

8:12 And I was like, oh, you do?

8:13 He just opened with that?

8:15 Yep. Oh, wow. And I go, what does that mean? And he goes, well, you get a martini and steak frites with like a pepper sauce for $ 30. I was like, okay.

8:24 That's crazy.

8:25 And he's like, it's a six-ounce steak. It's nice. And I was like, well, okay. So at 3.05 on a Tuesday, I drank a martini and ate a steak at a bar by myself. No other customers in the whole place. I had a great chat with the guy. But I'm like, the concept of happy hour steak is very Texan. And it was so delicious. It was crazy. Oh, man.

8:47 And the picture was nice.

8:50 It was not small. Everything was big. And so I was looking at the regular menu and a regular steak there was $ 112.

8:59 What?

9:01 $ 112 for some of their steaks, like their ribeyes and stuff.

9:03 It was a happy hour special at the bar?

9:07 Three to five, like an early bird special.

9:09 Three to five, early, early bird special.

9:12 Loved it.

9:13 That's great.

9:13 Wandered around, went over to East Six, saw Dodgers flag, Dodgers playoffs were playing, walked in, four old people in Dodgers jerseys, so I joined them and watched about five innings.

9:23 Oh, that's great.

9:24 Fun town.

9:25 Oh, it's a very pleasant town.

9:27 I'm watching people row a crew boat.

9:30 Right now, crew shell on Lady Bird Lake.

9:34 There it is. There it is.

9:35 That's nice. Is Tim down there with you?

9:38 Yeah, he's on the same flight back. We're all leaving today. It's great. It's been a great visit. We're going to have a great time. And if you're a local Austin-based improviser, feel free to DM me and let me know. We are going to be hiring locals for one line here, one line there. But we need to hire a lot of Texans. That's why we're shooting here.

9:58 Oh, okay.

9:58 Nice. It's a Texas-based show. to send me a hey on the bananas podcast at Gmail or the bananas podcast on Instagram.

10:04 Look at that, guys. Look at that. Opportunity knocks.

10:08 Send me your headshot. Send me your reel. We're going to be here this winter at some point. Here it is.

10:17 In 1964, the CIA attached microphones to cats and tried to train them to spy on their enemies.

10:24 Oh, yeah.

10:24 This was in IFL Science. They emailed this right to my inbox. I said, thank you, because I signed up for the IFL mailing list.

10:35 I love IFL. I love it.

10:38 This was written by Holly Large. Thank you, Holly.

10:41 Ooh, Large and in charge. Best in the world. business.

10:45 I'll tell you a little bit about Holly. Holly has, this is, I've never seen this before. Holly has a degree in medical biochemistry from the university of Leicester. I'm assuming L E I C E S T E R. Is it Leicester or Leicester?

11:00 It's Leicester and they won the English premier league like nine years ago. Anyways, keep going.

11:05 Look at that. Leicester, L E S T E R. And they put a bunch of I C E right in the middle.

11:12 Okay.

11:13 Her scientific interests include genomics, personalized medicine, and bioethics.

11:21 Look at that.

11:21 And then you can view her full profile. It was also edited by Josh Davis.

11:26 All right, guys.

11:27 This is a lot of great information.

11:30 Here it is.

11:31 I recently became the owner of a puppy. Is he wonderful?

11:34 Yes. Very.

11:35 Would I trust him with information upon which the fate of the world rested? Absolutely not. But with a bit of training, could I? Is it possible to train animals as secret agents or masters in the art of espionage? And has anyone ever tried and succeeded? Project Acoustic Kitty. Also being the servant of two cats, I already had my doubts before researching for this story that our feline friends are capable of such deeds. If they could talk, mine would probably give up state secrets at the mere whiff of a churu. Don't know what that is. Granted.

12:06 I do. They're snacks and animals love churus. Really? At Dodger Stadium, one of their big sponsors now is Churu. And I wonder if it's because we have a lot of Japanese players. I think it's a Japanese company. Okay. And they were handing out samples of Churu for cats and dogs, just walking by with a beer. And they were like, want some Churus? I was like, yeah, man.

12:25 I was like, I'll see if Chauncey likes it. Kurt? What? I've never seen anything like it. Really? It was like giving him a hit of heroin. No. Dog Churus are... popular in the dog and cat community.

12:39 See, I have a dog that is so incontinent that it can only eat medicine that I have a prescription for. I mean, it can only eat food I have a prescription for. And she still shits constantly. Granted, cats are pros at sneaking around and hiding in all sorts of seemingly unreachable places, but getting them to do something if they don't want to do it? Mission impossible. Come on now, Holly.

13:06 And yet in 1964, someone at the CIA thought it would be a great idea to train cats up as covert operatives through the use, although the idea of using animals in this way was born much earlier than that. Inspired by the use of animals during World War II, the director of science and technology in the Office of Technical Services, a creative program that specifically was looking at the animal kingdom. How could we use, get me to the details. That became particularly important during the Cold War.

13:35 We didn't always drop a human. Sometimes you can't put a human near things, but an animal might go unnoticed. And the thought was, well, there are stray cats in certain areas where we are very interested in. If we could get a listening device onto a cat and it wandered around and could pick up conversations for us, that would be incredibly helpful because it would be too dangerous for our people to do something like that. And so Project Acoustic Kitty began with the help of vets. A microphone was implanted in a cat's ear. Wow. And also this is 64. Can't be a small microphone.

14:07 They weren't small back then.

14:09 With a tiny transmitter placed under some loose skin and an antenna into its fur, added some training and they were ready to go. This is cuckoo crazy balls.

14:19 Well, it is. But it's bananas.

14:22 So how did Acoustic Kitty fare out in the big wide world? If you listen to the rumors, not that well. In the 1987 book, The Agency, The Rise and Decline of the CIA, Victor Marchetti, former special assistant to the deputy director of the CIA, alleged that the cat had met an unfortunate demise on its very first field test. Also, by the way, doesn't it seem like? To have worked either at the CIA or at NASA in the 60s and 70s, people were just like, any idea, anybody said, they were like, do it. Here's a million dollars.

15:00 Right?

15:00 It's like, what if we taught dolphins to speak English?

15:03 Do it.

15:04 Here's a lab. Here's money.

15:06 Build an apartment.

15:08 Half flood it. Put a woman in there. Teach them English.

15:11 Oh, boy.

15:12 It's so crazy. I mean, God, what a. What a great time to have been in that business. Just an idea man for the CIA in the 60s.

15:23 And no empathy.

15:25 No.

15:26 You don't care about animals at all. No. Horrible. They were like, this is progress. This is for the good of mankind. And you're like, I don't think it is. I don't think. We're such a strange species that not only can we somehow not stop going to war and fighting each other, but then we're also sending animals? This is pathetic.

15:46 Yeah.

15:47 Whatever happened to a nice chat? Just go chat to your enemy.

15:50 Whatever happened? So here's what they say. The problem with cats is they kind of just go where they want.

15:58 Oh, no shit.

15:59 That's interesting.

16:00 Okay.

16:01 And so it became fairly obviously early on that it was hard to control the path of the cat. Our final examination of trained cats for use convinced us that the program would not lend itself in a practical sense to our highly specialized needs, reads a declassified 1967 CIA memo. While it continues to say that it was indeed possible to train a cat to go short distances, read into short what you will, it states that, quote, the environmental and security factors in using this technique is a real problem.

16:31 foreign situation forces us to conclude that for our purpose it would not be practical um and then she goes on to spy dolphins we know about spy dolphins.

16:40 Right yeah that's sure that's just that's cool that i go they're pretty smart they can go a lot of places we can't really fast.

16:50 Um it keeps going for a very long time.

16:54 He's supposed to Our great intern, part-time employee, full human, posted that story about that one dolphin that would scare schools of fish so bad that they would barf and then it would eat the barf. Now, that's just smart, man.

17:09 I mean, I posted it. I posted it and was like, this is the reason people should listen to bananas.

17:15 Yeah. It's the news you need to know.

17:20 It's the news you need to know, folks.

17:22 My goodness.

17:23 I mean, what a beautiful October it is right now. It is like this week has been 68 and sunny and it's nice and it's just fall, man. But no, like the trees are just lightly starting to turn just a little bit. It's Perfect, man.

17:43 I mean, that's what keeps the East Coasters hanging on. When you get that one magic three-week run, and then it's just gray rain.

17:54 Especially this year is going to be gray rain, because it's going to be that Super El Nino.

17:59 Do you think apple cider donuts are good? Yes, I do.

18:04 I specifically think they're good from a place called Delicious Orchards in New Jersey.

18:10 That's the best ones I've ever had. In college, near UMass, there's a place called Atkins Farm. It's like a market, and they have great New English things, including apple cider donuts. And then they have, like, you can buy them at the beginning of the day, and they're one price. And then at the end of the day, they're a different price.

18:28 And I really think it's one of the foods that goes from incredible... to just okay really fast really fast i don't know if it's because they dry out a little bit but whatever the turn is if you get a fresh apple cider donut it is heavenly and then you get that bag that's like or you can just get these for 2.99 and you're like this is crap it's just it's just sugar on a i don't know there's very few foods that change from amazing to just okay.

18:58 That quickly Yeah, what else would it be? A baguette. A baguette's one.

19:03 Dude, great call.

19:04 You gotta get it.

19:05 Fresh baguette?

19:05 In the morning? Yeah. In the afternoon? Nah.

19:09 Isn't that weird? Yeah. Oh, man. Shout out to Atkins Farms. What a great place. What a great place. My buddy John worked there. I love those kind of markets. And to the whole Norwodic Mountain. What a great place.

19:25 It's called the Norwodic Mountains?

19:27 There's a mountain there, Mount Norwodock, and it's a great hike. Okay. Western Massachusetts, this time of year, gorgeous. Oh, yeah. Great Barrington, gorgeous. Gorgeous.

19:38 Shout out to Northampton. Delicious orchards, too.

19:41 Man. Shout out to delicious orchards.

19:43 I can't wait to bring my kids there. It's going to be soon.

19:47 It's funny because with bananas, we get sent so many strange news stories to the Instagram. So we open strange news links or people forward us Instagram stories. And it's funny to watch the algorithm shift. Somehow, one of us did this. It's like apples. It's like people ranking the top five apples. It's like Cosmic Crisp. Used to be better.

20:07 And I'm like, I love an apple, but I don't know every apple. And I find myself watching total strangers just ranking their top five apple flavors.

20:18 I think I would rank my time. I think Cosmic Crisp is one of the newer varietals, right? And I've always gone Fuji. I've always been a Fuji boy. But I do think a Cosmic Crisp is a follow-up. I don't think any of the other ones. Everything else is mealy. I don't want a mealy apple.

20:38 It is ironic that the red delicious apple is the worst tasting apple.

20:42 Isn't that weird? Also, it's so funny that that apple is tooth-shaped, whereas all the other apples are round.

20:52 That's true. And they don't go away. It is the Ryan Seacrest of apples, where that thing has just been here a long time, eaten every apocalyptic movie, the director loves to show you that the apples are still fresh. And you're like, I think that's a problem. I don't think that's a good thing.

21:11 We have an apple tree.

21:12 I think they should be like apple cider donuts.

21:14 We have a crab apple tree.

21:16 Fun.

21:18 I don't know where I buy a cider press. I don't know. I want a cheap, used cider press and i don't know where to get.

21:25 That is the most facebook marketplace purchase i've ever heard you will find nine of them it's just how far you want to drive um we had yeah i briefly lived on a farm in deer park maryland as a kid and there were crab apple trees there was a real apple tree too and my grandmother would hang bars of soap from string in the trees so the deer wouldn't eat the apples because they would come up and like lick the thing and be grossed out and leave.

21:53 But yeah, my whole childhood, there was a bar of like Irish spring just wilting away in all of the little apple trees.

22:01 We have 1 million deer right around here.

22:05 Oh yeah.

22:05 And they just wander around. And I didn't know this about deer. They don't ever come near us because they just have the path that they walk on. Apparently they have a path that they walk on every day. And if your house is just happens to not be on that path, even if it's like 35, 40 feet away from the path, they just don't go over there. They just stay on the path that they walk on every day, which I didn't know. Cause it's a fucking, it's a suburbs.

22:30 It's like their path is like the, a road called summit Ave or something, you know? So weird.

22:38 That is, but that's how alpacas are too, and I went to an alpaca farm once. Yeah, and they have a leader. They have the front alpaca, and then they fall in line, and where the front one pees, they all stop and pee, but they walk single file. And I'm not talking because these were trained. It's like in nature, they walk single file. There's like a lead one. I actually told this story last night, just talking about deer.

23:01 I was talking about Cloudcroft, New Mexico, where I walked, Well, one day we'll put East Banana Land whenever I get paid for a movie I wrote in 2018. That's crazy, dude. Can you not sue them? They re-up the option again?

23:16 Oh, they re-up the... Oh, so you don't get paid until it's production.

23:21 Exactly. Okay. The day it starts shooting, I get my full script fee for this movie, I expect. But every year they have to option it for not a lot of money, like not enough to buy... Like maybe I could buy a bad used car for what the option is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was up in Cloudcroft the first time exploring it because I thought it was a beautiful name. The photos looked amazing. The history is it was a town where people in Texas and Arizona, they would take these trains up for air conditioning because it's at elevation. So in the middle of the summer, the temperature drops 20 degrees.

23:55 So the unbearable Texas heat, not bad in Cloudcroft, New Mexico. It has a little bit of a, It has a little bit of like a hippie progressive bend to it, which is also why East Banana Land will be there so all of our wonderful listeners can go. And I go into this coffee shop, very cool, nice coffee shop right in the main shopping area. And there's two older white guys, one with a beard, one without, wearing those camo coveralls like they had just gone hunting. But one of them had on sandals like Tevas and the other one had on like Crocs. So they had They were post-hunt, just getting a coffee. And the guy says to the other guy, he's like, yeah, that was fun. How long have you hunted that area? And he goes, you know,

24:38 I don't even shoot my gun anymore. The guy's like, what do you mean? He's like, I just kind of go out there and look at the animals. I don't feel like bothering anything. And so this man that goes hunting is basically hiking, but with a gun and divas. And I was like, just get a hiking stick. And if it's for protection, okay, like just maybe a little handgun or something, but Yeah, he's like, I don't even take a shot anymore. I just go out there and I don't like to hurt the animals. And I was like, this is the weirdest behavior.

25:07 Yeah.

25:07 Maybe he's just blending in. Maybe it's safer for this guy to appear like a hunter, but he's really a naturalist.

25:14 Yeah, he just likes to go hiking.

25:16 I don't even shoot my gun anymore. And just to see a guy in coveralls and tevas is so alarming. It looks like it would be in a... A movie where an alien just landed and had to be like, I'm a person. What should I put on? Just went to Bass Pro Outfitters and got stocked up. Here's one.

25:37 Give me one.

25:38 Sarah Karner sent this in. Thank you, Sarah Karner. You can always send your stories to the Banana Boys. Instagram's the easiest, but the Bananas Podcast at Gmail, also very easy. We also have a website, BananasPodcast.com.

25:49 We sure do.

25:50 Or you can leave us a five-star review on Apple, Spotify, wherever you listen. It helps the Banana Boys so much. Friends, embark on a 20-year board game battle.

26:03 Okay.

26:05 Two friends. Oh, this is BBC. That's real. Written by Evie Lake. Okay. Oh, you know everybody in town had a crush on Evie Lake. It's a great name. What a cute name.

26:16 It's a delightful name.

26:18 Evie Lake, best in the biz. Two friends from Newcastle have set themselves the challenge of completing a board game which has never officially been completed. That's really interesting. This is an extremely long article, and I've already pre-edited it, but I might do it more as we go. The two friends expect it will take 20 years as they battle to fit it around their everyday lives. While games can often put friendships to the test, This pair are determined to see it through, no matter how different life will look. Evie just wants to know, she said, what would you be willing to commit 1,500 hours of your life to doing?

27:02 Interesting. Is it a game they created, or is it an actual board game that exists in the world?

27:10 It is a spin-off of Dungeons & Dragons. Oh, okay. Okay. So playing a game about a week during World War II in North Africa might not be on top of your list. So that's the theme. That's the story of this game. North Africa, World War II.

27:25 And it's one week. So is one week 1,500 hours?

27:29 Right. It's like a one-week campaign.

27:32 No. Okay.

27:33 And also it kind of explains that they did something like this earlier, but they're tackling one that's never been finished.

27:43 I don't understand because a week is 168 hours. So the fact that it takes 10 times longer to play the game about the week than to actually experience the week is pretty amazing.

27:55 It's amazing that it's even created. And we have some game makers. We have a few different Bananimals who create sort of board games and this type of game campaign who have sent us stuff in the past. I have a couple of them. James Purcell is 29. Andy Tager is 30. They decided about, they met a decade ago at a house party, became fast friends after duetting to a James Blunt song.

28:20 You're beautiful. You're beautiful.

28:25 Name another song.

28:27 I don't know. That's the only James Blunt song I know.

28:29 That's the only James Blunt song? James Blunt doesn't even know another song. He's just out there humming that all the time. They have spent every week since playing Dungeons and Dragons together. Very fun. One day we were playing, and this friend just mentioned offhandedly that there was a game that supposedly had never been finished and takes up to 1,500 hours, Purcell said. We had a laugh about it, thought nothing of it. Then a few weeks later, we were at a pub, and one of us said, have you been thinking about that board game a lot? They both had. They spent the next few hours in the pub discussing it and left committed to playing the campaign for North Africa in its entirety. That was in 2024.

29:15 And for Purcell and Tager, there is no going back. The strategic board game was released in 1978. It simulates the entire North African campaign of World War II. Purcell said there has been no evidence play of the full game and theirs would be the first occasion.

29:32 So someone created a board game that was sold to the public that no one has ever completed a game.

29:41 That's right. So this explains why this takes so long, this next sentence.

29:45 I'm very interested.

29:48 So they've been playing for two years since their original commitment. The pair have managed a six-turn practice run to get grips of the rules before jumping fully into the game, which is... 111 turns.

30:03 111 turns.

30:04 So they did six turns practice and it took them two years.

30:08 That was six turns?

30:10 Just six turns, two years. Just getting the rules. They're just trying to learn all the rules.

30:14 So now they have to start over again to start the actual game?

30:17 Correct.

30:18 This sounds unbearable to me.

30:20 Well, they have this cool perspective. I'll jump down because it really does. Okay, great. The practice ended in a draw. It took 18 months to complete alongside their jobs and everyday lives. Purcell works in mental health services. That's nice. Tager is a software developer. Makes sense for Dungeons & Dragons. Okay.

30:38 So they also have a podcast called War, W-A-R, War with a Mate, that has about 90 episodes. So they do a podcast also about their gameplay.

30:49 Okay.

30:49 Okay.

30:50 Is the podcast just about this game now?

30:53 I think it is. Purcell says they have a good following already, and he jokes it's nice not having to bribe his friends and family to listen along. But board games are known to get tense, even if you're at war with one another, so whatever. They're fairly chill, they said. If it comes down to a single dice roll and someone gets unlucky, there's not a lot of throwing pieces around because the board's too big. Here we go. I'm going to jump to the actual play. Okay. The friends are now gearing up, starting their official campaign for North Africa on October 30th. This will coincide with the podcast 100th episode. I think when we start the full game, it will be exciting. And then from there, we've got

31:39 a sort of void of 20 plus years that it will take us to finish the game. So I'm kind of worried that the excitement might wear off. Oh, yeah? And then we're just locked into this thing for two decades.

31:55 Oh, yeah?

31:56 I think you might be right. So this is why I like these guys. So War with a Mate is the podcast. If you're a game player, at least give it a listen because they are embarking on something that actually sounds harder and worse than the actual World War II North African campaign.

32:08 Oh, yeah, much longer.

32:10 They have listeners from around the globe, many of whom are happy they get to experience the game without having to do the hundreds of hours of legwork. Quote, I think at certain times it'll be our biggest regret. Other times it'll be some real highs, Tager said. But I think it'll be part of people listening along to our deteriorating mental health. So I think they're aware that it's going to be documenting something insane. These guys are really going to go through a marathon of board gaming.

32:41 I still can't understand how. Because it's one week that they're playing, and this is 1,000 times longer than a week. To play for 20 years to just get through a week of real actual events is... That's tough, man. That's tough. What does that mean? What does that break down to a minute? How long does a minute 1,000 minutes. One minute in that week takes 1,000 minutes, which is how many hours? That's probably like one full day of gaming, right?

33:15 I just don't know the basics of Dungeons & Dragons enough to even understand what's going on. It's 16.7 hours is one minute of.

33:24 The actual time. 16 hours, almost 17 hours. Totally crazy and insane.

33:36 Um, it is, here's the last two sentences. It's certain the pair's lives will look different after 20 years than they hope. Yeah. 20 years. I mean, that is the most interesting thing is like, take a photo on the day you start and take a photo on the day you finish. Yeah. And 20 years, I mean, 20 years ago, I moved to New York in 2004. So basically since my New York experience, everything I've gotten to do in comedy and writing has been the last 20 years. So if I looked at little me.

34:11 20 years ago, I was one year into stand-up.

34:16 Crazy.

34:17 Yeah, I started doing stand-up in 2005.

34:21 Purcell says, it's sort of weird knowing that we'll be 20 years older when this is done. We can have any sort of different living circumstance careers. It's strange that this game is going to be a constant through that, and it already has for two years. It will be interesting to see how it maps across. Nice British phrase.

34:37 Okay.

34:39 So good luck, fellas. Good luck, guys. I'll check back in. You know, if bananas even exist in three years, I'll check back in with these guys. But listen to War with a Mate if you just want to support them. And on October 30th, they're starting their official campaign. Delightful, guys.

34:56 I wish you the best of luck.

34:57 Me too. You know, you got to do something.

34:59 Got to do something.

35:01 I played Risk once for one night in college, and it got out of hand. And it was just like four hours, and we were shirtless and drinking and yelling at each other and calling each other's names. I think it was the last time I played Risk. What's your favorite board game? I mean, with kids, you have to play like, you know, Chutes and Ladders and Buno and stuff.

35:21 My kids are weirdly money-driven players. Like Olive now has a business. She's, she's made like, she's made $ 47 in like two weeks. She just every day is just constantly printing 3d dragons and then bringing them to school. She now found a new model that people are willing to pay $ 17 for. So she's printing these like dread wings and bringing them into school and selling them. And then she's just buying more spools of filament with the money she makes.

35:53 It's crazy.

35:54 But anyway, Their favorite game is Monopoly. And so we play Monopoly relatively frequently, for my tastes.

36:04 At least. Based on Atlantic City, right? Isn't it Monopoly Atlantic City? Isn't that the streets are all?

36:11 Oh, I didn't realize it was Atlantic City. That makes sense that it's Boardwalk and Park Place.

36:14 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. I used to like Scattergories a lot. And yeah, I almost had... Yeah, I used to like Scattergories. I remember when Pictionary and Win, Lose, or Draw were such a big deal. Win, Lose, or Draw was a TV show at some point. Yeah.

36:31 Oh, Family Feud. My kids love to play Family Feud.

36:34 That's fun.

36:34 We have a card version of Family Feud. That's very fun. I enjoy that a lot because they're lunatic answers. There's a lot of lunatic answers where you're like, are you serious? This is your answer to this? That's the best part because you get the first two and you're like, boom, boom. And then there was like the last one where it's like one person said pants to like things you sniff.

36:58 We had a landline in college. It was the last time I had a landline phone. We all had dumb Nokia cell phones too, but they were essentially useless except nights and weekends. And I answered a call once and somebody asked me a trivia question and hung up, but I don't remember the question. It all happened. It takes 30 seconds. They call you up and they go, hey, we're calling you. We're pulling 100 people. What's the largest body of water that you can think of? Whatever it was.

37:25 I don't remember, but then I was like, that was it. That was my moment. I contributed to Family Feud. I was one of the dummies. That's pretty cool. Not too shabby. The episode of Always Sunny in Philadelphia called Family Fight is the funniest episode. I laughed so hard at that episode where it turns out they had called Charlie and Charlie's character just gave him gave us very specific answers and then he was on the show. Everybody on the team is like, no, nobody does that. And he's like, you wife a bride or you groom a bride. And you're like, that's not a saying. What are you talking about?

37:59 I love that so much. I bet Pat Walsh wrote that episode.

38:03 Pat's so fine.

38:04 Oh, Pat Walsh.

38:05 Speaking of Philly, here we go. I'll tease us into some thumbs up.

38:09 Thumbs upies? Okay.

38:10 Orifice the Awbot is Philly's magical response to Uber Eats.

38:17 Oh, I'm curious. Because you know what they have here in Austin is cybercars. And they look super dumb.

38:24 Are they the big, like, they're boxy?

38:26 No, Kurt. No? They're small Teslas that are all gold with all gold hubcaps. And in 1980s VHS tape font say cybercab on the side. I thought it was a joke. I was like, oh, this must be promoting. Uh-huh. A movie I'm unaware of. And they don't have steering wheels at all. So I just saw a dude just sitting there looking at his phone in the front seat, the driver's seat, in a gold. They're so dumb. It's the stupidest show I've ever seen. Here we go. Thumbs ups.

38:59 Casey says, hey, Banana Boys, I want a thumb up by Bananimal sister, Christy. Way up. The last few months, she's been taking time off of work to volunteer to translate between detained immigrants and nonprofit lawyers and relay their stories as part of a class action, declaring that these were detained illegally. The federal district court agreed, resulting in the release of 40 people from detention. Christy, you saint.

39:30 Not only did she help translate, but was also part of making sure they all safely arrived to their homes and home states. Also, her birthday's Thursday. Christy, huge thumbs up to you. Thank you.

39:44 Thank you, thank you. You guys are doing... Amazing work right now. Every lawyer who is working pro bono for these cases, I know you're overloaded, and I know it so much, but God damn it, you're doing good work.

39:58 Absolutely. God bless you all. Mega thumbs up, Alex says. Mega thumbs up to my sister, Liss, who is now 112 days dry. Yes, thumbs up. Here's a fun fact about Liss. This is why this one stood out to me. We support all our dry 69ers, but Fun fact about Liss, she counts the words in conversation so they have to be an even number. She counts them by flexing her quads.

40:27 So if both quads are not relaxed at the same time, she will add another word to the conversation. All right. Look at that. But don't you kind of get it? When I read that, I started to kind of do it. And I'm like, kind of a good way to count.

40:40 Yeah. Well, just to figure out if things are even or odd.

40:46 Yeah. I mean, yeah, but Scott is smart and it's subtle. It's under the table. I think she's a genius. Crystal Fisher wants to send a thumbs up to myself, she said. Yes. Also letting others know that struggling or having rough days, getting through it, is possible. Yes. I was already made of an animal for the week being clean and sober back in 2025. when I thumbs up myself about getting clean and sober. And she returned to work as a registered nurse with restrictions by college nurses. She had to do things like peeing on camera twice a week, having monitors in place for every shift, no handling or dispensing of any controlled substances. So they were really monitoring her after she got clean and sober. She is so proud

41:31 of herself to announce that after the five-year contract and a deep dive, My restrictions were reviewed and have been fully lifted.

41:41 Wow, congratulations. That's amazing.

41:44 Crystal can now work anywhere. She can do anything. No more peeing on camera. Many thanks to my nursing manager, the care team, and colleagues who all wrote letters of support. And HR said that she is one of two staff in 18 years to achieve this accomplishment. Oh, my God.

42:02 That's amazing.

42:03 So, yeah, me. Right on. You can do it, and anyone can message me. I'll help how I can, even if it's just listening. Very kind of you, Crystal. Huge thumbs up. And, Kurt, banana of the week.

42:17 Banana of the week. Easy peasy.

42:19 Only twice in 18 years?

42:22 That's amazing. Look at her.

42:23 Good for you. Way to turn your life around. Way to help other people.

42:26 Nice job.

42:27 Beautifully done, Crystal.

42:30 Here it is. This was in the Philly Inquirer. It was written by Stephanie Farr. She's a columnist. We put this on the Bananas Instagram, and it's just so good we have to talk about it. Orifice the Awe Bot is Philly's magical response to Uber Eats robots.

42:50 Here it is. Love it.

42:52 Orifice the Awebot rolled down the sidewalk across from the Betsy Ross house last Friday, striking joy, confusion, and mild terror in those who unexpectedly encountered her. And nobody expects to encounter a two-foot-tall, pink, potato-shaped robot with a dangling tongue, blue eyes, and a shock of blonde hair. As I trailed behind the little robot, I could hear people's whisper and scream. Oh, that's adorable. What did I just see?

43:18 It's terrifying. Tourists on top of a double-decker bus pointed at her. Philadelphians, who don't have time for whatever this nonsense was, steered clear. But after the initial shock of seeing Orifice wore off, most people smiled and laughed. Like Justin Lutz of California. Lutz had already seen the Uber Eats robots on our sidewalks while visiting Philly, and he immediately recognized that Orifice, despite being approximately the same size, was something quite different. Quote, I bet you Betsy Ross never thought a little robot would be scooting around in front of her house. I love the personality and it's super cool. We don't even have these in California. I wanted to tell Letts there's a lot of great things

43:59 we have in Philly that they don't have in California.

44:02 Probably true, yes.

44:03 This is the most Philly article. This is always the response. Yeah, I'll tell you what I don't have. Like Four Seasons and Gritty and The Fanatic, but I stopped short. Have a great time in our city, I said instead. It's just this weird here all the time. And I can confirm that about Philadelphia, folks. It is just that weird all the time.

44:25 Yes, it is.

44:26 I enjoy Philly. I've spent a lot of time there. I really do enjoy it. I was invited to follow Orifice around Old City with some folks from the Ministry of Awe, MOA, the interactive and immersive art installation created by Philly muralist Meg Saligmans that's housed in a 19th century Old City bank. The Awe Bot was born out of one of MOA's community co-creation nights as people were bouncing around ideas and discussing the Uber Eats robots that had become ubiquitous in Philly since they descended upon our city in March. We thought that if robots didn't just bring things, what if they were used for purposes other than just delivery and business and commerce? Would that somehow let us reflect in a different way, Saligman said. Artist

45:13 Madison Polidoro, a.k.a. 10-Ton Fetus, a.k.a. 10-Ton Fetus.

45:18 Of course, that's how I know them.

45:20 A sculptor and metal fabricator whose human-animal hybrid creations, like Skin Horse and Habit the Bathrooms at MOA, brought Orifice to life. She's affectionately known as the robot's mommy. Wow. Oh, oh, Lord. It got weird. Oh, my goodness. I'm looking at Skin Horse is very upsetting. that's in the bathroom of this place.

45:45 I will tell you what I'm looking at in the bathroom. There's just a door. There's a door with some hay on the ground. And then inside is, it's like a, got a big proboscis, like a huge nose and, and, and fat lips. And it's, but it's like skin. It's like human skin. And it's like crouching down. It's so upsetting.

46:08 Okay. That seems upsetting.

46:10 Orifice does not look like that. Orifice looks like a very happy butthole, kind of. He looks like kind of like Slimer. Imagine Slimer if he was pink with a smaller mouth and looked like a butthole. And he's on wheels.

46:27 That's a great description. You really nailed it.

46:29 Thank you very much. I appreciate that. I feel like I failed in explaining Skin Horse, but You guys got to look it up.

46:36 Yeah, I think we get the gist.

46:38 It's very upsetting. Okay, what I find interesting about the Uber Eats robots is that they do create this kind of horror, this dystopian feeling in a lot of people, Paulie Doros said.

46:52 I guess so.

46:53 I guess so.

46:54 I think they're cute.

46:56 I think everybody thinks they're cute. They have eyes and they roll around and you're like, look, it's a little R2-D2.

47:02 Yeah, and they bring you a sandwich.

47:05 Yeah, inside is a sandwich, and it's a cute, it's R2-D2 bringing you a sandwich. I think that's what the majority of people think about them.

47:13 It's great.

47:14 So I was excited about the idea of making my own robot creature to sort of do an opposite thing where it could inspire something lighthearted and silly and fun and kind of magical. I love this. I love Orifice. Orifice is driven via wireless remote, but the range of the controller is quite far, at least half a city block, so the driver can remain pretty inconspicuous.

47:33 Oh, look at that.

47:34 There is 10-ton fetus.

47:38 I bet I know what it looks like.

47:38 10-ton fetus is a very nice-looking young woman. You would not expect 10-ton fetus to look like that. But good job. She's a sweetie pie who's curious. This is about Awbot. She's a sweetie pie who's curious and likes to explore and try new things, and she loves attention. She's kind of like a dog, Polidoro said of her creation. as a team of folks from MOA, including Saligman and Palo Duro, set out with Orifice in Old City last Friday, they didn't even get a few hundred feet down the block before people stopped to pet the AWBOT and ask questions.

48:12 That's interesting. Right?

48:14 And of course, it's Philly, so a man's question was, does it poop? Another guy wondered. He was assured it did not.

48:21 Look at that. Crazy. It reminds me of our good friend Rob ran a prank pilot that He was in Central Park and he would put, they said they had a collar that could make your pet talk. And then they had people off camera with a microphone, but it had a speaker on the collar. And people were, they would put a collar on their dog. Nothing about it seemed real, but everybody's just so hopeful. And then they would be like, I love you. I like when you pet me like this. I liked it. And the people started crying. So it actually wasn't funny. It was sad because everybody was so like overjoyed by, and it was just, you know, Rob off camera hiding somewhere being like, Oh my God, thank you for feeding me. And people were

49:04 like bursting into tears. So what everybody thought would be the silly thing. It's kind of like petting orifice. You'd think people would be repelled or gross. Most film it on their phone going by, but the impulse to touch it is so fascinating.

49:18 It is.

49:19 I love it.

49:20 And, you know, it is very cute. You know, Allbot is fast. Orifice is really, he's got his tongue hanging out. He's happy to be there. You can tell he's happy.

49:29 My goodness. I mean, you and I grew up in the era of Garbage Pail Kids where there was like, you know, what an interesting phenomenon where gross out stuff in the 80s was a real thing.

49:40 It was a real thing. The grosser, the better.

49:42 They had all these weird toys that were like, isn't this gross?

49:46 Yeah.

49:46 And you'd be like, it smells horrible. I love it. Fart spray. I saw, speaking of Facebook Marketplace, there was like somebody was selling a lot, meaning like a unit of Garbage Pail Kids, the old ones. And I'm like, Don't buy it. So I didn't. But I thought about it for a second because I'm like, oh, that'd be fun to go through and find all my friends' names and mail them, you know, Kurt Squirt or whatever yours was.

50:14 Hurt Kurt. But the thing is Scott and Scotty had so many. Oh, really? It just rhymes with everything. Snotty Scotty, Spotty, Hot Scott was a demon. Yeah. Potty Scotty was just a baby screaming on the toilet. You're like... was going to terrorize myself but i've noticed and i don't know if this is everywhere but in los angeles even since you've left kurt um the main grocery stores in certain neighborhoods there's one called gelson's they now have pokemon card vending machines there and they have to put out like a um it's not a vinyl rope but they basically have to You put like a partition and you're allowed to go one at a time to buy Pokemon trading cards in the grocery store.

51:02 They had one. It's crazy. The first one was in Vons that I saw. The Vons over in just, you know, in Glendale.

51:10 Yeah.

51:11 And... That's a wild Vons.

51:12 And the kids were just obsessed with that. What? That is a wild Vons.

51:16 It's a wild Vons.

51:17 Agreed. I have never been in there when a crime wasn't being committed. Yeah. And also, really nice grocery store. Like, great products, amazing prices. That's Vons. Great prices. Yeah. But every time I'm there, it'll be like a cop.

51:30 Something's happening.

51:31 Yelling at somebody in a wheelchair. And then the person in the wheelchair will stand up and walk out.

51:35 And you're like, what was this interaction? Or just walk really quickly with their feet.

51:40 And I saw a guy. I saw a teenager. A kid living on the street. Somebody in his 20s or a teenager. Run in, grab a bunch of steaks, and then sprint out the door. And I'm like, dude wanted steaks.

51:54 Where's he cooking those steaks?

51:55 Are you just going to cook that over a lighter? It's a great location. I'll wrap us up with this headline. Sounds good. Katie Will Hoyt sent this in. There's actually no story to it. It's just a great headline. A second crane topples on to a home in Fort Lauderdale while trying to remove a toppled first crane.

52:18 That's a classic Scotty story.

52:21 I love a Rube Goldberg. That was NBC6 South Florida Trish Christakis. Thank you for the headline, and thank you, Curdy B.

52:29 Thank you, Scotty Landis.

52:30 Thanks to everybody at Exactly Right. Thanks to people at iHeart. We enjoyed doing the podcast for you guys, and hopefully we're not doing it in 20 years when those guys finish their podcasts and game campaign. We'll wrap it up in, I don't know, six years. This has been Bananas. Bananas is an Exactly Right Media production.

52:55 Our producer and engineer is Katie Levine.

52:58 The Catchy Bananas theme song was composed and performed by Kay Han.

53:01 Artwork for Bananas was designed by Travis Millard.

53:04 And our benevolent overlords are the great Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstart.

53:08 And Lisa Maggett is our full human, not a robot, part-time employee.

53:12 You can listen to Bananas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. And please feel free to rate and review as many times as you can. We love those five stars. Bananas!