Dig Deep XYZ: If I Could Do It All Again

Welcome to desperately devote it.

Think of us as your favorite neighbors as we chat about life and relationships, all while we.

Revisit the iconic show Desperate Housewives together.

I'm Terry Hatcher, I'm Andrea Bowen.

And I'm Emerson Tunny.

Well, Hi, Hi, I'm so cute. I love your hat Emerson.

A little tease into what we're talking about today, So yes, that's right. This week, we have more to say on the episode that we discussed on Tuesday, which was episode thirteen, Your Fault. And I know something that really stood out to me, and I know we all felt this was there is an interesting storyline happening kind of a sub storyline for Gabby where it involves John and his parents who returned to make an appeal to Gabby because John is now considering going full time into his lawn business and not going to college anymore. And I think that anything involving higher education and college and whether to go and not go and pursue your career right away really always resonates with me as someone whose biggest regret is

probably not going to college when I was college age, which kind of was because of Desperate Housewives in many ways, but just my career in general. And I have so many feelings about this topic. I certainly, like I mentioned, have regret over not going at that time in my life. I totally believe that you can always go back to college, you should always continue to learn, and that not the college is not for everyone. You know, It's not always the best environment for people to learn or the best way for them to start their life. I just I am someone who really loves the classroom environment. I got so little of it in my academic life.

I mean I was tutored.

On the Desperate Housewives back lot from seventh grade, you know, through high school by myself with a tutor.

I mean, I had no classroom experience, you know.

So I definitely, I definitely have a lot of feelings about it, and I would love to I know, Emerson, you had a recent college, you know, not so distant recent college experience, so I'd love to talk to you about that and what your thoughts are in general.

Yeah, I also didn't go to college or didn't finish college, and the college that I did go to was a junior college while I was still living at home, so I never had that experience that Emerson had, and I agree with you that I I mean, I try not to frame things as regret, because you know, every moment of life is a path and a choice of a path, and.

You can't go back.

You have no idea where the path goes. All you can do is be present and make the best choice you can at the time.

You know all of that.

But I agree with you, and we can circle back to what both of us fantasize about what we missed by hearing Emerston tell us what she got? What did you get?

Tell us about it?

I mean, I know, I do.

I think the conversation about higher education whether to go or not, especially in the United States where it is so expensive to go to college right now, and that is like not something that is easily at the disposal of most people. I think it's a very complicated choice, and I don't think, I really actually don't think that there is a right or a wrong, like, oh, you absolutely should go to college or you shouldn't.

I did.

I went to Brown I'm wearing the hat and I loved it. But I remember when I was in high school, I definitely went through like a nihilist phase, maybe my sophomore year where I was like, I don't think I'm going to go to college, And then I really wanted to go to NYU. I really wanted to go to school in New York, and I remember my dad having very strong feelings about being like, no, you want to have like a campus experience. You know, you can have your whole life to live in a city. I think I ended up where I really was supposed to and I loved Brown. I ended up running our tour program my senior year and training tour guides and spending a lot of time as a job of mine talking about how much I loved Brown, And I think this is

my takeaway on college. Now.

I just had my five year reunion this past summer. Did you go?

You went?

I did?

I went?

I think I went because I graduated in twenty twenty. I mean, or COVID hit.

Like from the dining room.

She graduated from the dining room right right.

My actual my college experience was not disrupted at all by COVID. So in a lot of ways, I feel very lucky. But I didn't get to actually have my graduation ceremony. So I went back for my five year because a lot of my friends were going, and I happened to be on the East Coast anyway, and we were like, you know what, let's have this be like our version of ascend Off. I think they had a kind of make up graduation two years after I'd graduated that I didn't go back for because I felt like, at this point, I feel like I've been out of school kind of too long, but also not long enough to really have things to reminisce on. When I go back, five years felt just on the edge of people, like starting to have new things to talk about, sense being

out in the world.

But my big feeling about college is if you can go.

I mean, listen, if you're not in the United States and you live in a country where college is paid for, then this is like even more so I would say you should go. But if you can go, I think there is something incredibly special about having four years in between coming out of high school, you know, between two and four years in between coming out of high school and really entering your life as an adult living.

In the world.

Where while I felt like I had plenty of responsibility while I was in college, you don't really like you are really just learning and meeting people and having an independent living experience, but in this very kind of safe and protected and in between space that I think is a really valuable time. I mean it is also funny though now I totally feel like, oh shit, I wish I could go back to college, Like I would have taken so many classes that I didn't think I would be good at when I was eighteen or nineteen, and so I didn't take And now I would just take whatever, because I think I'm able to have the perspective of recognizing what a special but also somewhat low stakes, like depending on you know, if you're studying the humanities like

low stakes experience that actually is that it is just time to be figuring out how you think and how you move through the world.

And yeah, I found that very valuable.

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I think the thing that Andrew and I probably both feel, and I'm not going to speak for you. You can obviously speak for yourself. But it's like, as you said, you know, at sixty one, I can go back to school. I can take a writing class, or a math class, or a computer coding class or whatever. And if I decided I wanted to be a teacher, I could go to school for two to four years and get a degree, you know whatever. I can still do that.

It is it is like this.

Time capsule you're talking about Emerson that you kind of can't replace because I couldn't.

Go back now at TAT and have the same experience.

Because it's like this, and I guess I mean that is what I think you and I both probably long for that we didn't get and is sort of like irreplaceable in a way.

Yeah.

But that said, you know, there are people that go to college that are coming out of college with degrees and not able to get jobs and still haven't really figured out who they are or what they want to do. And so if I look at it as a positive, you know, I mean I was a working person at like twenty years old. I think I bought my first small, very small house when I was twenty two or something, and I.

Was nowhere near being able to do that at all.

And you know, the other thing I fantasize regret or miss is that the friendships that you make, the community that you make when you're in your college that I never got to do. I think that's something I missed too.

I hear you on that, I really do.

I do agree that there is the special time when you're that young and that old, the oldest you've ever been, but the youngest, you know, such so young to still be so spongy and curious in figuring so many things out, and.

I do learn for that experience.

But the other thing that I really think I've idealized or I've thought of as what I would have really gotten some value out of is the challenging of ideas, the back and forth that comes from the collaboration of being in a classroom. Because, like I said, my education was very, very solitary, and so it wasn't I loved being a student. I love learning, and I like being a good student. You know, I pride myself on being a well prepared and intelligent student. But there's only so much you can do if you have no one challenging those ideas or are offering a different viewpoint or things like that. You have to seek it elsewhere. And it's built into the environment of college.

It's part of it.

And I do really wish I had had that, And like, you know, like we said, hopefully maybe you and I, Terry will get to have some sort.

Of Yeah, maybe we should go together and we could debate each other.

Oh my god, that's so fun question question.

For you both not in this current you know, this current age, But if there was a magical time capsule you could go back. You could have four years of college, what would each of you choose to study as your major.

I don't know. It's you know, my fantasy of it is it's more about like how there's this time where you're not really obligated to anything.

And you can just learn and explore.

You know, I probably would have been the kind of person that took classes in everything like science and arts and you know, I don't know, like I engineering, like I would have, but I don't know, and I don't know what it would have led to. You know, it's it's it's too fantasy, but I I I would just encourage people to keep trying to do that, you know, Like I'm going to go to Andrew's tap teacher. I'm still I'm still going to take tap classes. I'm learning to speak French on due Lingo. I'm also playing chess with the dual Lingo Little Monster. And I feel like a classroom would be great. I feel like at some point I see that in my future. I like your idea of what you're saying Andrew, about being in a

classroom with other people where you can kind of debate and challenge ideas. I think that's something we should do we should.

Do, And I think we should encourage everyone listening to do that because there's just so much to learn always, and it helps us grow to be better and more engaged.

More interested, more interesting.

And I don't know what my major would have been necessarily, but I think I would have learned. I think I would have had a focus on history.

I really enjoy. I've been in a particularly.

Interested phase of my life with presidential history, I think just because we are living in such wild times. And so Josh and I recently watched the Reagan maybe sparked by that framed photo breeze House of Wrong.

Oh my god, that's you know, we're watching the uh, the ken Burns documentary about the American Revolution, and and I just I think that obviously, going looking back informs where we are and where we're headed. And I think that's always super super vital and important into any career you go into to have that perspective.

So maybe that would have been it.

Maybe history. Yeah, Well, yeah, does John end up going to college in the in the in the show, I.

Gotta say, it seems like he ends up with the gardening business. It does, and it seems to be going well for him, but.

Me, he planted his seeds and they're growing.

And they're growing in many ways.

Are those seeds gonna gonna well, the mystery continues.

We we don't know if it is his seeds.

Do we know for sure that.

It's right now?

Maybe we're foreshadowing too much. Okay, well, I think listen. I think last word on on choice and choosing what you do.

Agency is agency.

And you know what, I don't think there is a wrong choice at the end of the day, whether you're running a gardening business or you're choosing to go to college. I think there are always infinite numbers of paths that we can take, and oftentimes little choices that we don't even notice as choices, end up leading us down a road that then becomes our life.

And I think we focus a lot on.

College because it feels like a very concrete and definable like I chose to go here or I chose to go there. But we're making choices we're unconscious of all the time. So at the end of the day, don't be too hard on yourself, enjoy your life and.

Be a lifelong learner wherever you're doing that.

I don't think I could have said it any better than that. Okay, well we'll see you for what episode fourteen.

Next fourteen, episode fourteen.

Gosh, we're knocking them off. We're knocking them off, desperately devoted to you, Yes, we are in

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