222: My Dream Job

0:00 Oh, back in the closet. Back in the closet. Back in the closet.

0:03 We got Ryan Reynolds. We got Ryan Reynolds.

0:07 No, we don't.

0:08 We got Ryan Reynolds. He's on the cast.

0:11 Why you got to disappoint people?

0:13 We're so excited for this. We're so excited for this. Ryan Reynolds is on our beloved podcast.

0:21 Hello.

0:21 It's me.

0:22 It's Ryan Reynolds. Wait, what?

0:26 What?

0:26 It's me.

0:27 Yes, it's me.

0:28 Ryan Reynolds. I don't know why I sound like DJ Khaled, what I do. Listen, let's just talk. Everyone, I let you down. Fans, I'm sorry.

0:39 You didn't let anybody down. You know who let somebody down? You know who let somebody down? It was me. It was my fault.

0:45 No, I don't think it's that. I don't want to ever let anyone down, especially our fans, but I tried, and I came up short. Ryan, you know, we emailed a bit. He's making a movie. He's got a zillion companies. He's got his family. I didn't want to, like, I'm not one to, like, beg anybody. I didn't want to be, like, annoying.

1:11 I understand. I understand. I understand completely. But I don't think it's your fault. I will take full blame for this.

1:16 No, he's not not doing the podcast because you once drunkenly hugged him, dude. He's got a zillion things on his plate. And by the way, I watched the episode and I was kind of glad. I mean, it would have been fun to have him because we could talk about all the zillion things that have happened to him since this happened 20 years ago. But he doesn't have a lot to do in the episode. And I was kind of like, You know, he would have been doing it as a favor to us and to just be cool because he is a very cool guy. But, you know, he doesn't– it's not like he has a ton to do as this character. So I was kind of like watching it going, you know, I don't even want to– we talk about episode-wise. It's not like he does some

1:51 amazing thing in the episode. He doesn't have that much to do.

1:54 I didn't want to talk to him about the episode. I wanted to talk to him about what he did to transform from the guy that was in that episode– to this felt guy who plays Deadpool now.

2:06 You just want to talk about his weight or his career trajectory?

2:08 I want to talk about his weight and how he's keeping it off.

2:11 I bet he would say, stop fucking eating fried chicken, asshole. Ew.

2:15 Okay, now hold on one second, man. Speaking from a person who loves fried chicken, one, how dare you? Two.

2:24 I know that's sort of the eye of your vice storm.

2:28 I love fried chicken. That and pizza. Can't help it. But let me tell you something right now. Ryan Reynolds wasn't always this handsome dude that he was always handsome. Yes, he was.

2:38 He was on a show called Two Guys, A Girl and a Pizza Place.

2:42 And he was the best friend. He was the chubby guy on the show, dude.

2:47 He wasn't chubby, bro. He was cute and charming.

2:52 Sure. But now he's not only cute and charming, he's also ripped ass. And looks like an Adonis Greek.

3:01 Oh, my God. I just want to say something. You are wanting to talk to someone who's had the most fascinating, amazing career trajectory who totally did it on his own. Like he had all these movies going and a career going and totally fine. And what made him go crazy? From fucking zero to a thousand. It was that he made Deadpool happen. He created it. He manifested it. He whiteboarded that shit. That's what's interesting. Not his abs.

3:32 I disagree a whole lot.

3:33 Anyone can have abs. You just gotta put in the work, motherfucker. I disagree a whole lot. You Peloton every day and stop eating shit and you'll have fucking those abs.

3:41 No, that's not true.

3:42 That's not true.

3:43 Yes, it is.

3:44 It is not. It's not true.

3:45 Flush your weed. Flush your weed. Flush your weed. Oh, Joelle held her heart.

3:51 Oh, no.

3:53 No, I just know Donald so well that he gets high, says he's not gonna eat, gets the munchies, makes fried chicken, then feels sad.

4:01 Yeah, you know... You do know me well, friend. You know me so well. This is so. As a matter of fact, this morning, I'm in the kitchen.

4:14 This morning, if you understand what I'm saying.

4:18 I was thinking about making fried chicken for breakfast this morning.

4:22 You know what I have for breakfast? What? Nothing. Nothing. Two shots of espresso.

4:28 That sounds horrible.

4:29 Because I do the intermittent fasting where I wait to eat.

4:33 Till what time?

4:35 I try and have dinner. We try, because I have a live-in executive, holy shit, talented chef. We try and eat by 8, and then neither one of us has breakfast, and then I will work out, and then I will have a smoothie or something around 11.

4:55 Oh, that sounds horrible.

4:58 Yeah, but that's called intermittent fasting. If you can stop eating. Early and then skip breakfast and eat late, you can have coffee, then that helps. I mean, this is just my two cents. I'm not a fucking nutritionist.

5:12 I just wish it was easier than this. I wish it wasn't so hard. Why is it so hard?

5:16 Are you eating a big breakfast?

5:18 No. You know what I had for breakfast today?

5:19 What?

5:20 So I do a meal service, as you know, called Trifecta.

5:26 Yeah.

5:27 And this morning, my breakfast was a turkey sausage sandwich.

5:32 Well, that's something.

5:34 You're eating breakfast. You don't need breakfast. And a sweet potato hash and some eggs.

5:44 Horrible.

5:44 And that's a solid breakfast right there. Daniel and Joelle, do you eat breakfast? I had a smoothie.

5:49 Okay. That wasn't a lot of food, first of all. Sorry to cut you off, Joelle. But that's not a lot of food. It's actually portioned to be. in the zone that you need to be.

6:00 In to eat the amount of calories. Would you like to hire me to help you cut weight?

6:05 No, motherfucker. I don't want you to help me cut weight.

6:08 I am looking for some extra COVID jobs. I would like to be your coach.

6:14 No, I don't need you to help me cut weight. As a matter of fact, you know what I need? This is what I need. I need that golf simulator, goddammit. That's what I need.

6:24 By the way, why do you want a simulator when it seems to me the most fun part about golf is going out to a beautiful place with your kids now, who you've successfully gotten into golf. Now you want to be in the basement? Go out with your kids in the nature.

6:38 Here's the thing about golf. You don't get good playing golf. You get good practicing golf. And once you're good practicing golf, then you take it to the course. So, seriously, as an avid golfer, if I could... go to the range every day, I would, but I can't. But if I could do it in my basement, like you said, every day, I would.

7:03 How much is this golf simulator that you want? Could it be a Christmas present maybe?

7:07 Okay, so here's the deal. I've already got the thing that it takes to keep that. It has a sensor that tracks your ball and a Doppler radar that tracks your ball, right? I already have that piece.

7:23 Okay.

7:23 What I need now is the screen that I hit into, the projector.

7:30 Yeah.

7:32 And is this a kit? It is a kit. It is a kit, yes. It is a kit.

7:35 Is this going to cost like $ 6, 000 or something?

7:39 Unfortunately, yes. That's how much that kit costs.

7:42 That's a really stupid way to spend $ 6, 000.

7:45 Absolutely not if you play golf. If you play golf, it's a great way to spend it. Now, here's the problem with Here's the problem with golf.

7:51 What are you gasping about, Joelle?

7:53 So much more than $ 6, 000. Well, depending on which one you get. It could be so much more than $ 6, 000. They have a $ 26, 000 golf simulator.

8:03 Yeah, but you're looking at the actual thing itself, too. This is with the actual contraption that tracks your ball. So some of them travel. Like the Trackman, which is one of the most expensive ones on the market and the best one on the market. It's the one that turned all of these golfers who were having trouble with their short game, like Dustin Johnson, people like that. It turned them into short game specialists. Now they can, because of the exercises that the track man comes with. That's the best one. That shit costs $ 20. I'm sorry.

8:39 I love you, but that is a really stupid way to spend your money.

8:43 That is way too expensive.

8:45 Listen, if I had Yeezy money, just like he bought that rapper friend of his, that all-terrain tank, I would buy you this.

8:57 Dude, if I had Yeezy money, oh my God, there's so many things that I would buy. Oh my goodness gracious. Imagine if I had Yeezy money, I would definitely, one, I would start my own animation company.

9:13 Go ahead.

9:15 And we would make stop motion movies that I just wanted to make. You know what I mean? Doesn't necessarily have to make a profit. I would just make, you know what I mean? I would just make movies, put them out. I would distribute them because I got that Yeezy money.

9:28 You know what I mean?

9:29 It's that simple. Okay, Joelle, what would you do with your Yeezy money?

9:32 Oh, my God.

9:35 Could I get a stake in? Wait, wait, hold on. As she brings the mic closer to her mouth to manifest it.

9:41 I would invest in Donald's company and I would launch my first animated series.

9:48 Daniel, what are you going to spend your easy money on?

9:52 Oh, jeez.

9:55 I don't know.

9:56 I would probably buy my dad. a nice car to pay him back for the money he spent on my education.

10:05 Oh, that's very nice. And then....

10:10 Actually, I would probably buy my parents' house. That's what I would do. I'd buy my dad a car and buy my parents' house because they don't need that house.

10:17 They want to move out. They're ready to go. But I love that place.

10:20 There's one last thing I would do if I had Yeezy money.

10:23 A second golf simulator.

10:25 No.

10:27 For upstairs because sometimes you don't want to go downstairs.

10:30 Right.

10:30 Sometimes I don't want to leave my bedroom. I would buy my best friend a plane. Because he used to fly planes.

10:39 All the time. Thank you.

10:41 Look, my best friend used to wear jackets and aviator glasses and walk around.

10:45 I still do. I just don't have a plane anymore.

10:47 On that Gibraltar tip.

10:49 Well, I got my pilot's license, and this was when I got really into aviation, and I decided to spend a lot of money, and I bought an airplane. Wow.

11:03 Wow.

11:04 And I was flying all around. I was flying across the country. I was flying all over the place.

11:09 That's so cool.

11:11 Yeah. And then I sold it because much like you hear about people with a boat, that expression boat stands for bring on another thousand. Well, planes are very expensive. The education, the hangar, the maintenance, so much. Which I could have rationalized in my head if I was doing it every weekend. But then I wouldn't, and then it would sit there, and then I'd go, and it's just fucking money coming out, and I just started to go, this is nuts. But Donald's right. When I make my Yeezy money, I would like to get another airplane and get back into it.

11:44 Would you– yeah, so you'd graduate from the license that you'd have now and go– Yes, I have what's.

11:49 Called a visual flight rules license, VFR, and then I would– I mean, I could do this without owning a plane. Of course, you can rent a plane, but I would go for IFR, which is instrument flight rules, meaning you can fly in inclement weather and in the clouds and without visibility.

12:02 Oh, wow. What's after that? Two propeller?

12:06 You can get all sorts of add-ons. You can become an instructor, which is not just about teaching. It makes you even better. Then you can get multi-engine. Then you can get jet, you know, all sorts of things. I'd love to fly a jet one day. That would be dope. I'd like that to be on my bucket list.

12:19 That would be dope.

12:20 But when I got my– funny story. I got my– the day I was supposed to take my flying test. So just like getting a car, you practice with your teacher, practice with your teacher, practice with your teacher, and then you can go up solo alone under certain restrictions. And then you eventually build to going up with the examiner in the plane and doing these maneuvers in order to pass the test. But you have to have a certain amount of hours to be able to take that test.

12:47 So the day I'm all nervous, it's the day I'm going to take the flying test where the test examiner is going to get in the passenger's seat and we're going to take off. My teacher looks at my logbook and he goes, oh, shit, you're short like three hours. And I'm like, oh, God. And he goes, here's what you're going to do. It's about an hour and a half to Vegas. You're going to fly to Vegas and then land and then turn right back around and come back.

13:16 And I was like, are you serious? He goes, yeah, because you could still make it and take the test today at 1. But just go now and come back. So I took off. Wait, is anybody in a plane with you? No, I'm alone. And I fly to Las Vegas. and I land at Las Vegas International Airport. I grab a bottle of water, and I turn back around and fly home. And I maintain to this day that I'm the only person that's ever flown to Vegas, grabbed a bottle of water, and flown home. I love it. I love it.

13:55 Do you know all I heard when you were doing that is, well, in my mind, I see a map, and then I see a red dot, And then I hear... And then the dot turns into this trail line that travels from Southern California all the way to Las Vegas, Nevada.

14:14 It was thrilling.

14:15 Then it stops. There's a water icon that shows up. And then it comes back.

14:21 And then you hear. Southern California is the perfect place for this hobby because it's always beautiful here. The weather is always nice. And there's so many places you can go. I would go to San Francisco to see my mom. You can go to Vegas. You can go to Cabo. You can go to Palm Springs. You can go skiing, you know, at Mammoth.

14:43 It's sort of the perfect place to be a single engine plane owner.

14:48 How long would it take for you to travel from L.A. to San Fran?

14:52 About an hour 15.

14:55 That's kind of cool. That's kind of cool. The only thing that I remember... The one thing that I remember... I shouldn't say the only thing. The one thing that I remember about this was... You had to be on your P's and Q's about what you did the night before.

15:09 Of course. You don't want to fly hungover.

15:11 Right.

15:12 Which brings me to... First of all, I got to get my notes. But it brings me to this episode.

15:20 Yeah, well, you must be a good fucking podcast host. Way to tie it in, though.

15:25 You know what I mean? Let me just go get my notes real quick, because.

15:29 Well, why don't you count us in?

15:30 As a matter of fact, before I go.

15:31 While we're singing, maybe you should count us in.

15:35 That's a good idea. As a matter of fact... Yeah, you know what, Zach? You're right.

15:40 Five, six, seven, eight!

15:46 That's where I get my plane tattoo, see?

15:49 Oh, wow.

15:50 Oh my gosh.

15:50 That's such a cool tattoo. What kind of.

15:55 Plane is that?

16:12 So very good question, Joel. What I said to myself was I am going to manifest that I will one day have this plane, which is a Pilatus PC-12. It's not what I had when I owned a plane before. I had a Cirrus SR-22 Turbo, which has a ballistic parachute in it, by the way. So if everything is fucked, if you're just like about to die and something really bad has happened and you can't get control, you pull– a lever and the plane is light enough so that a ballistic parachute shoots out of the plane and floats the entire plane to the ground.

16:47 Wow.

16:48 Yeah.

16:48 That's awesome. Yeah. That's all part of this, this particular brand, which is Cirrus. That's their safety, extreme safety measure.

16:55 That's awesome.

16:55 I did not know a plane could have a parachute. Yeah.

16:58 I mean, well, if it's, if it's a force, if it's small, it needs to be small. It's four seats and it's fiberglass and it's very light. So yeah, it could, that's how it works. So anyway, one day when I get back into it, I'd like to have this, which is tattooed on myself, which is a Pilatus PC-12, which is pretty much the most badass single engine propeller plane you can have.

17:17 I like that you made yourself the whiteboard.

17:19 Oh, way to put it. That's well said. Yes. I like that. Donald, Joelle just pointed out that I made myself the whiteboard because I had the plane I want to one day get on my forearm.

17:31 That's what I'm talking about right there.

17:32 That's what I'm talking about.

17:34 You know what I should do? I should paint some abs on my stomach so I can remind myself every time I walk into the bathroom.

17:40 No, why don't you just get on your forearm, just get Ryan Reynolds a stomach that you admire so much.

17:45 Yep, either his or The Rock's or one of those cats, Kevin Hart's, one of those cats.

17:51 You know what's funny? When he was married to Scarlett Johansson, I had a meeting with Scarlett about a film we were about to do together where I was going to direct, and I was trying to make small talk with Scarlett because I was nervous. And I said, and Ryan, it wasn't even, this was long before Deadpool. He had abs for some other reason. He was on the cover of Men's Health, just ripped. And I was like making small talk.

18:12 And I was like, so you got to ask Ryan how I get those abs. And she looked at me. She's like, every person I meet with wants to talk about my husband's abs. And I felt so stupid because I had gone with the nervous small talk that everybody went with, right?

18:29 Oh, my God.

18:30 That's so funny. I hate that. When you think you're being original and someone's like, everybody fucking says that to me, okay? The worst. I don't want to talk about my husband's abs.

18:37 So Dr. Cox says something in here where he talks about plane pilots that are drunk and everything like that. There's not a job that you can do. What are you guys, drinking at work? What do you think you are, airline pilots? Which brought me back to one thing, bud. Do you remember when we saw Flight?

18:55 Flight, yeah. I love Flight.

18:57 Denzel Washington?

18:58 Yeah, you had me at planes in Denzel.

19:00 Go ahead.

19:01 Do you remember how blitzed we were at the movie theater that night?

19:05 No, we were drunk watching a movie about an alcoholic. That's really classy.

19:13 We weren't drunk. We were stoned to the bone.

19:15 Oh, well, yeah. Well, that's a good way to see a movie.

19:17 Sure.

19:19 I had no idea what that movie was about. It's a great movie, by the way.

19:21 It's a great movie.

19:22 It's an amazing movie. And Denzel and Don Cheadle and John Goodman and everybody in the cast, they're really great in it. But I remember going into the theater and being like, I have no idea what this movie's about.

19:34 Mm-hmm.

19:35 And the first half hour of that.

19:37 You didn't see the trailer where he fucking spins the plane? I mean, that's what- No. You just knew it was about the event. You didn't know it was about being an alcoholic.

19:44 Right. You think Pearl Harbor, at the end of the movie, the fucking Japanese bomb Pearl Harbor, right? So you wait this whole movie for this event to happen. I thought that was what it was going to be. I thought the movie was going to be this whole man's story, and then he pulls a Sully and freaking saves all of these people on the plane, right? I had no idea that it was about being an alcoholic and being a drug addict and being a pilot on a plane.

20:14 And so when Cox says this shit in the show, it made me think about that time we went and saw this movie and how I was like, get the fuck out of here. There's no way that this could ever happen. But apparently this is a real deal, especially if Cox is talking about it on the show.

20:32 Well, yeah. Well, this is– keep in mind 20 years ago and there was a wave, I don't know if you guys remember, of pilots being caught intoxicated. They were either– the rule is actually eight hours, which if you can believe is ridiculous. It should be way longer than that, I believe. But you're– I think it's called bottle to throttle.

20:51 That's what they call it in the aviation community. Eight hours bottle to throttle. So after eight hours– Your airline pilot could feasibly– unless I'm wrong. No, no, no. Let me just preface this by saying these specific airlines might have stronger restrictions. But as I understand it, the FAA says eight hours– you can have a drink eight hours before you fly. Wow.

21:14 And just a drink, not multiple drinks, just a drink.

21:18 I mean obviously you can't be over whatever limit it is, but I mean I just think– You know, your airline pilot, again, I don't know if the airlines have stricter rules, but FAA rules are your airline pilot could be at midnight drinking and then fly you at 8 a.m. I just think that's probably a little too close, but yeah.

21:38 And this was another thing that I learned from Zach who, when he got crazy into planes and stuff like that, that there are robots that are landing the planes most of the time.

21:48 Well, nowadays, the modern day airplanes are just computer systems that the pilot is monitoring. Now the pilot, don't get me wrong, usually takes off and usually lands. But no one is going to fly better than a computer system. No human being can fly as well as a computer. So the pilot is taking off and then around, let's say, a thousand feet above the ground-ish, hitting autopilot. And the rest of it is, and the plane knows where to go.

22:15 It's been programmed. And you're just sitting there. That's why these guys will tell you, guys and gals, it's a really boring-ass job because you basically then sit there for however many hours and just monitor that the computer doesn't fuck up. Now, of course, if there's a problem, you've got to be the most badass motherfucker and take over.

22:32 But for the most part, all they're doing is taking off and landing.

22:35 Yeah, but sometimes the computer lands it for them too.

22:38 Yes, they have a thing called Autoland, and that is– and it has to be, um, this, I don't know too much about, so I may be talking to my ass a little bit, but I do know that it has to be used X amount of times. Um, like the plane, uh, log book will say this plane is due for an auto land. This flight is the one.

22:58 And then the plane is auto landing. Of course, they're monitoring it and making sure it's doing the right job. But again, you have to think about it like a computer, as long as it's not malfunctioning is going to do everything better than the human brain. So it's, you're there to kind of just spot it.

23:11 You know what I mean?

23:12 Right.

23:13 I've spoken to pilots after, you know, when you're exiting the plane, when you're deboarding and they're saying goodbye, have a great time in whatever state that you're in at the time or whatever country. And I've asked, was that you or was that the computer? And from my survey, what I've learned is the smoother landings are humans, though.

23:34 And the hard landings, the landings where you freaking are like, geez, the pilot must be running.

23:39 Yeah, but don't you think what happened is that you went, you had a hard landing and you went, was that you? He's like, no, no, no, that was the computer. My mom, it's so embarrassing. My mom used to complain, like she's had a couple, my mom doesn't love flying. And when she's had a couple hard landings, she told me, I went to the customer service desk and complained. I was like, mom, you didn't. No matter how great a pilot is, not everyone's going to be– they call it a greaser when you just fucking– you barely even feel it. Not everyone's going to be a greaser, mom. Give them some slack.

24:11 Dude, I remember we landed in St. Barts and the dude popped his tires and stuff like that and you were like, the pilot must be rusty.

24:20 Yeah, it must be a little rusty. Yeah, I mean, but there is, by the way, when you get into flying and you have a greaser landing and you just glide it onto the runway, oh, it's sexual. It's just so amazing and it's such a high.

24:34 All right, on that note, let's get into the summary.

24:38 Oh, I have so much to talk about today, but yeah, we should probably talk about the show.

24:41 Okay.

24:42 Or La La Land. Are we doing Scrubs or La La Land today?

24:46 I could talk La La Land all day long.

24:47 We got a lot of, I saw a lot of funny comments already about our La La Land rewatch podcast. People are very interested in that. People are very interested, very interested in the Jewel's Love Life part of the podcast now.

25:02 Well, I noticed that Joelle is very interested in getting that started with them pictures that she's posting on Instagram now.

25:08 Oh, what? What did I miss? Are you talking about.

25:12 My photo with him? No, I'm talking about the photo of you just by yourself. I was like, hold on. She's sun-kissed and everything in this bad boy.

25:21 I'm opening Instagram. She's lying down on the side. I only follow you guys on Twitter. I need to follow you guys on Instagram.

25:28 No.

25:30 I had an idea, Donald, that I pitched to Will. Will's our overlord at iHeart, that we get one of these dating apps to sponsor the segment. And that way we can get serious. So if you're listening and you're related to any of these dating apps, except for maybe like Farmers Only or Christian Mingle or J-Date.

25:51 Farmers Only is dope, I heard.

25:53 Oh, really? Really? I mean, if you're a farmer.

25:55 I heard it.

25:56 Something tells me the woman that Joelle's looking for is probably not on Farmers Only.

26:01 You don't have to be lonely at FarmersOnly.com.

26:07 Is that their song?

26:08 That is the jingle, dude.

26:09 Straight up.

26:10 That is the dopest jingle ever. You don't have to be lonely at FarmersOnly.com.

26:19 I remember there was an episode of The Bachelor. It must have been The Bachelor or The Bachelorette. One of those. And the... The girl went to the, she was in love with this guy and he was amazing. It must've been bachelorette. And then she's like, oh my God, he's the one. And it's time for her to go to where he lives. And it was like a farm in the middle of fucking nowhere in bumblefuck town. Like it's like the shining, but a farm. And he's like, so this is it. And she was like, uh, it wasn't that cute anymore.

26:51 So you're trying to say that farmers because of their location have a hard time dating.

26:56 Yes, I'm trying to say, unless you want the bumblefuck middle of nowhere life, it's probably hard to find someone. That's why Farmers Only is a thing. So farmers can find people down with the program.

27:09 Yeah.

27:10 And Joelle is a city girl. Yes. Who doesn't want to be up at five milking cows.

27:15 I'm up at five anyway, but I will not be milking a cow.

27:18 Yeah. Joelle wants to be up at five playing PS5.

27:20 True.

27:26 Anyway, so listen, wait, I'm just saying, we're going to try to do proper channels through our overlord will. But if any of y'all are connected to any of the dating apps, hit us up through iHeart because we want to make a segment about finding Joelle a life partner. Because the three of us are in love and we want to bring that joy to Joelle.

27:50 Joelle, do you want a life partner?

27:51 Yes, she does. I am open.

28:02 To meeting new people and trying new things. Relationships are terrifying to me. You have to compromise and listen to people and make time in your schedule for them. And it sounds like work. But who wants to die alone?

28:20 No, it's not.

28:21 Who wants to die alone? I have a lot of conflicting emotions about it. I don't know where I stand yet.

28:26 Because, Joelle, in my mind, you are picturing, I'm guessing, people you've dated in the past that haven't been a right fit. But I'm saying put into your mind someone who is the perfect complement to you. They are massaging your shoulder. What's that game you want to play on PS5 that you're so excited about?

28:47 Cyberpunk 77?

28:48 Yeah, they are massaging your shoulders while you're playing Cyberpunk 77.

28:52 Oh, man.

28:54 That is kind of the dream.

28:57 Sounds great.

28:58 Sounds great. Yeah, you know, I'm definitely down. Again, you guys have made my mom very happy. We've talked about it at length. She was like, are they really going to find you somebody?

29:09 Yeah, we are. And I was like.

29:10 I feel like Zach's very determined, and when he's determined, things usually happen.

29:15 Yeah, I make shit happen, Joelle. It's on my whiteboard. Find Joelle Lovers on my whiteboard.

29:19 Please don't get it tattooed on your body.

29:20 Yeah, I'm going to get it tattooed on my body next.

29:23 So here's the thing, though. You haven't said anything that makes me think that a FarmersOnly.com hookup isn't.

29:31 Something that— I feel like you got some side hustle money from FarmersOnly.com or something. No, I'm just saying— Because you sang the theme song. You sang the theme song pretty well. I still don't understand why Joelle wouldn't want to be on Farmers Only.

29:42 Because look, she's talking about somebody massaging her shoulders while she plays a video game. I'm sure a massage, listen.

29:49 A farmer could do that.

29:50 No doubt. They massage cows' nipples.

29:54 The teats. The teats.

29:55 And they squeeze, they squeeze the.

29:58 That's true.

29:59 So imagine those hands on your shoulders.

30:02 Yes, Joelle.

30:03 Imagine those hands on your shoulders.

30:05 She's just come from yanking some goat teats, and now it's on your shoulders.

30:10 No, let's go big. Let's go big. It's not the little tiny goat teats. She's been yanking some freaking cow teats.

30:17 Oh, big cow teats.

30:18 Some big whole milk cow teats.

30:20 I love the word teat. Teat is a funny word. These are some wild visuals.

30:25 Farmers work from like five to five though, right? They're going to be so tired when they come home.

30:29 Do you ever have a nose hair that is pushing against the inner nostril and you feel it and you kind of want to pull it out with your fingernails and no matter how much you try, it's still there tickling the insides?

30:43 Anybody?

30:44 That sounds horrible. I'm so sorry. Donald, you have out of control nose hairs, so shut up because I've told you.

30:51 What the fuck did I say?

30:55 Sometimes Donald's nose hairs co-mingle with his mustache hairs and they become friends. They do a little dance.

31:03 They become hybrid hairs.

31:04 They become hybrids. And then Donald goes like this. He takes both of his fingers and he yanks. And then, of course, he sneezes.

31:11 I love the feeling of that type of pain. There's times where I like that sting. I like that little thing. You know what I mean? Like when I used to box and spar all the time, that feeling of getting that little tap when you get punched in the face and stuff like that, when it would happen. I like that little feeling, that pop, that feel. You know what I mean?

31:37 So there is a world. You don't know it because it's taboo and you haven't tried it, but it seems to me you're a candidate for someone who might be into S & M a little bit.

31:45 No, because I don't like that shit to last longer than a couple of seconds. Like that S & M shit looks like that shit. Like I would be saying my safe word over and over and over again. You know what I mean?

31:55 What would your safe word be?

31:58 Please stop this shit right now.

31:59 Please, no.

32:00 That's a terrible safe word, Donald.

32:02 No more.

32:03 I don't think that's a safe word.

32:05 No more. That's as safe as it gets. No more, please. No more. I'm done. I'm done.

32:12 I'm done. I think your safe word has to be something like out of the norm that you wouldn't say, like raisins, raisins, raisins.

32:17 No, because if you forget that shit, if you forget that shit, and now you're going down the list, the list of all the words that you think are your safe word, raisins, celery.

32:27 Apricots!

32:28 You just used the traffic light system, Donald.

32:30 Please stop! God damn it, please stop! That's what it turns into.

32:35 Wow.

32:36 Wild.

32:38 Okay, don't scream like that. We have listeners who are breastfeeding.

32:42 This was a mistake! It was a mistake!

32:46 Oh my God, Dan, you're going to have to cut that out or pot it way down. All right, let's get into your recap, my friend. We've adapted it, so now it's a 47-second recap. Let's see if you can do it in 47 seconds.

33:02 Ready?

33:03 Hold on.

33:03 Clearing.

33:04 Look, the last one says 47.71. Okay. Here we go, baby. And go.

33:10 Ryan Reynolds guest stars as Turk and JD's frat buddy. He tells Cox Jordan's baby is his. Kelso's pushing Elliot to her breaking point. All of this while our gang is coming to the end of our second year. This episode's all about taking responsibility and owning our mistakes. It's always great to take the credit when you're admired for your actions, but do you have the guts to take the credit when you've cost people pain and or grief?

33:38 On the flip side, and I know it's difficult, do you have what it takes to forgive when you've been wronged by someone you care about?

33:45 Yeah.

33:46 Yeah.

33:47 Good.

33:47 Well, of course, now you go to 37 seconds, but... You had 10 more seconds to slow down. I mean, let's just talk about the headline of this episode that's so fucked up is that, you know, Jordan's been hiding from Cox that it's his baby. I mean, that's so fucked up. And how could you possibly... I know it's a TV show, but how in real life could you ever come back from that? It's so deceitful.

34:14 Well, love is a very, very, very, very strong force, you know, and so... We're going to jump around, obviously, but when it comes to the end of the show, when he finally says, no, I want to do this, and winds up punching Kelso in the face and everything like that, it's easy to forgive when you love. You know what I mean? Love conquers all. These are real...

34:38 These songs and all of these love songs and everything that are out there, they can't be wrong. These thousands and thousands and thousands of love songs can't be wrong. And so... to forgive, there must be a ton of love there. And it's pretty clear at the end of the episode that he loves Jordan and loves his baby.

34:56 No, of course, of course. And he's in love with the child already. But I just don't understand how Jordan, I didn't really get clear on why, other than a plot device, why was Jordan hiding this from him?

35:06 That I don't know.

35:07 Because he didn't want him to like fall in love with her or like be with her out of obligation. Like this allowed him to like walk away if he didn't want to be a part of her life.

35:17 I see, I see.

35:17 And I feel like she still would have told him at the end of that. You know what I mean? But she needed to know what was between them was about them and not this baby.

35:24 Well, if that's the case, why did she wait so long also, though? You know what I mean? That's fair.

35:31 He was clearly showing what a great father he was going to be to the child.

35:34 Well, he stuck around while she was going through the pregnancy also. You know what I mean?

35:39 Right. Well, in this case, Cox is in love with her. He then falls in love with the baby and is prepared to be true and step up and be an amazing parent. And then he finds out that everybody knows this secret but him. I mean, I just, you know, imagine that happened to you. I think you'd be livid. And he forgives her pretty quick, is my point.

36:01 Yeah, you know, he loves her. He loves the kid. And I think, if anything, it's a relief to him that this is what it is. This was what was ideal before he finds out that, you know, it's a relief when he finds out. I think also, even though he's afraid and everything like that, He's like, thank goodness, man, because I'm putting all of this energy and stuff into this lady whom I love and into this kid whom I love. And it turns out it's an ideal situation anyway for me. You know what I mean?

36:31 And then Jordan instantly, the second he gives in, she's like, all right, go get me food.

36:37 Yeah.

36:39 But, you know, people like Cox need someone like Jordan. You know? It's like you and Casey or, you know, everyone, you know, relationships.

36:48 I'm going to be honest with you. I don't think anybody needs anybody like Jordan. Jordan is like the ultimate.

36:53 No, but he does though. I mean, I think that some of this is inspired by Bill and Krista. And when I think of those two, like they are a yin yang in so many ways and they do bicker. And then, but, but it works. It's, it is, it is, it works for them.

37:11 No, I get it.

37:12 A lot of people in you and Casey don't, don't bicker like these characters do, but you guys in from, from what I can see, are so different in so many ways, but it's a perfect yin-yang.

37:22 Yeah, opposite to track, that's for sure. But in this situation, when you said, yes, Cox is such a, he's such a huge personality on screen that, right, it would take somebody of Jordan's caliber to have a personality like that to combat him.

37:41 Yeah, a woman who doesn't have that kind of power is going to get walked all over. And you know what I mean? Like, like, and, and, and Jordan's the same thing. Like she's still walking over a man as alpha. And I don't know what the words are either, but whatever Cox is, she's still walking all over that. Imagine her with like a fragile wallflower of a man. I mean, it would be, it would be, they wouldn't, it wouldn't work.

38:07 Yeah. You know, that's what makes me and my wife work so well. The fact that she's completely different than I am. And I'm completely different. You know, we're, The one thing that we have in common is that we love to laugh. You know what I mean? And so because of that, we joke around a lot and we have the same sense of humor. But as far as her style and my style, we're completely different. And what she likes and what I like, we're completely different.

38:33 But I'm sure you've dated women that you felt like I've dated.

38:37 Women that I was identical to. Like, we were exactly alike. And that shit was like, oh, this doesn't necessarily work. You're too much like how I am. You know what I mean?

38:46 Right.

38:46 Or someone you didn't feel that you didn't respect or wasn't your equal. I mean, I feel like you respect Casey as your equal and you admire her.

38:55 Yeah, because she demands that shit, though. You know what I mean? She commands that shit. That shit, you know what I mean? It's different from... It's not like I'm sitting there like, I need to respect my woman. She's like, motherfucker, you better respect me. And I'm like, yeah, you know what? You're absolutely right. I better.

39:10 But you're proving my point. You needed a woman like that for you, for you to commit for your life and for you to have respect for. You needed someone who was like, listen, motherfucker, sit the fuck down, get out of the fucking animation room, and make me some fried chicken.

39:28 Shit.

39:30 Okay, first of all, she doesn't ever kick me out of my animation room. Let's just start there, okay?

39:39 By the way, I had a very sweet moment with her this week because I love real estate more than anything, and I sent her this house I thought would be perfect for you guys. And the first thing she wrote back was like, oh, that one little area could be Donald's animation room.

39:53 Yeah.

39:54 She loves me.

39:55 Yeah.

39:55 That's how it goes.

39:57 Yeah.

39:57 She's a good woman.

39:58 She's a great woman.

39:59 She wasn't like, I don't know where we're going to put Donald's animation room. She was like, oh, that area could be Donald's animation room.

40:08 Yeah, baby.

40:09 Yeah, baby.

40:11 All right.

40:12 Should we talk about the fucking show Scrubs, Donald?

40:14 We should get into it. First of all, Ted had dreams of being a senator.

40:18 When was, at what point was Ted's freaking charisma so high that he was going to be a senator?

40:29 I don't know. I think that Ted probably started off, something happened that really beat Ted down and made him so troubled. He also hits on Elliot for the first time in this episode. I don't know how many times that happens, but he asks her out.

40:45 He does.

40:46 Well, I don't know. I mean, maybe part of him is probably just trying to be nice because Kelsel's just made her cry. But he's also like, hey.

40:52 Right.

40:54 Right.

40:54 You're so vulnerable right now. Maybe this is my shot. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I see you have tears in your eyes. Would you like to get a drink? I thought we should talk about hangovers and doctors because this is a real thing. Again, I don't know if doctors still do this. You doctors listening will have to say out loud to your listening device whether you do or not. But when we were starting the show, we learned that doctors with hangovers would give themselves IVs and sometimes even go so far as to hide the bag under their armpit and put their lab coat over it and go around gently squeezing the bag as it put fluids into their body because they were so dehydrated from alcohol.

41:40 Have you ever done that? Have you ever had an IV after a night of drinking?

41:44 Well, now it's like a service. I'm sure in New York, LA, and I'm sure other cities around the world, you can go get like hangover hydration from a nurse. I don't think I've ever done that.

41:57 Have you? That shit works, man. That shit does.

42:01 You've both had it?

42:02 Oh my gosh. It works so well too. And you can get like a bunch of vitamins and stuff and minerals and shit like that put into it. The one thing that I got a problem with though is that you can taste it. I've never been able to... They put it into your vein, but you can taste it in your mouth. And that's the weirdest shit I've ever.

42:19 So wait, had you had it scheduled or you were in such pain you said, call the IV guy or you went there? What happened? You come to your house? What happened?

42:26 So I go to this gym, Unbreakable Performance. It's owned by Jay Glazer. It's a great gym. It's one of those gyms that you go to where you work out with people that you recognize in movies. So as an actor... sometimes going to a normal gym is a little, you feel like you're in a fishbowl. You know what I mean?

42:50 Right.

42:50 And so this is one of those gyms that you go to and you're working out with athletes and actors and, you know, musicians, et cetera. And so this gym, it's very, it costs some money, but the reason why it costs some money is because of the perks it has there. And one of those perks is, you know, Like it has a cryo chamber and it has an acupuncturist and it has, you know what I mean, a bunch of great things like that. But one of the things it offers, one of the perks it offers is freaking IVs. And one day I came in there because I was spending so much money on the gym. I was like, I cannot not miss a day, but I don't want to throw up. They were like, well, why don't you just take an IV real quick? And I went and got

43:40 an IV, and that shit cleaned me out. Like, dude, I was so hungover. I was so hungover. Like, to the point where it was like, I showed up so they could be like, man, just go the fuck home. You know what I mean? Like, I was hungover like that.

43:55 I can't believe you even went. Like, why didn't you just say, fuck it?

43:58 Because I was spending all this money, and I didn't want to cancel and be like, you know what I mean? And so I show up, and they're like, yeah, just do an IV. I came out of that. I came out of the IV session charged and ready to go. I had to pee first. I had to pee first. But then I was like, yo, let's go.

44:18 Well, that should tell people that that's what a hangover is, obviously. It's dehydration. You need water.

44:25 Yeah, well, and minerals. Daniel, you've had that too?

44:29 Yes, I did.

44:30 I went to a bachelor party in Nashville, and the next day we went to this really kind of, not shady, but like, Just hole-in-the-wall spot that was just called Drip Doctors.

44:40 Oh, no.

44:41 Yes.

44:41 And, you know, it could sound like a fashion line, but it was just a place where they were like, yeah, sit in a chair, we pop an IV in you, and have a good day.

44:49 It was very in and out. Yeah, that's nice. I mean, there's also places, I mean, maybe not during COVID, but they do, like, house calls. You can just be lying there like, why, God? And they come and put an IV in you. Very fancy.

45:00 Very fancy.

45:00 I love that. I love that.

45:02 How about that Pratt fall I did with the IV? I mean, that was pretty great. That was pretty great.

45:06 That was pretty good. Ryan Reynolds' pratfall was pretty good, too.

45:10 Yes, yes, Ryan Reynolds. But, you know, my IV one was pretty good, too.

45:17 Yeah, our IV one was great. I'm just saying, Ryan Reynolds was showing flashes of what was to come with his pratfall.

45:24 That's all I'm saying. Yes, Ryan Reynolds walking down the hallway saying, how about that guy? How about that guy? That guy? And he's pointing to different men as we walk through the hospital. And I said, it would probably be easier if I just pointed... At whose butts I haven't had my fingers. Let's talk about this chocolate hand because I'm guessing.

45:49 Well, you know what? Before we talk about the chocolate hand, you know what we should do?

45:53 What?

45:53 Go to break.

45:54 We'll be right back.

46:02 And we're back!

46:04 And we're back. So let's talk about the chocolate hand. I am guessing that this is very inappropriate.

46:12 I didn't think it was inappropriate.

46:13 Oh, really? Because I thought at the time it was funny because we were calling each other vanilla and chocolate. But I wondered if in 2020 it's racist.

46:26 I don't think it's racist if my skin color matches the color of chocolate. And you love chocolate, so you eat my hand, dude.

46:35 I would say it's built into the culture of these two friends, and so I did not find it offensive. There's certainly a lot of conversations happening around, mostly in the literature world, of people describing dark skin as just always a food item. Oh, chocolate.

46:49 Coffee.

46:49 Coffee.

46:51 Anything you might yell at a black girl as she's walking down the street and you think she's attractive, it's tiresome. But I don't think that necessarily applies to this situation. It's like two good friends who have nicknames for each other.

47:01 Oh, okay. But not having been said, I thought it was very funny.

47:05 It was hilarious.

47:07 I laughed my ass off, the fact that you ate my hand.

47:10 I remember that being a very funny set because they built the whole office to look like it was all made out of chocolate. And you're typing a memo on a chocolate typewriter. Yeah.

47:22 Yeah, dude. Yeah. I have fond memories of that office. That's also Cal Turk. That was the set that we did.

47:31 Oh, that was also Cal Turk.

47:32 Yeah.

47:33 Same set. Same set. Same area.

47:35 Now, I run into Deontay, giving a shout out to Deontay Gordon.

47:40 What do you mean you ran into Deontay? Oh, you hit him in the show.

47:44 In the show, I hit Deontay.

47:45 I thought you was like, I ran into Dion. I was out and about, and I ran into Dion.

47:49 No, who's out and about? He says.

47:52 Hi.

47:52 All of America is out and about these days.

47:56 Are we the only people being good?

47:59 No.

48:00 No.

48:00 There's a ton of people who are being good. We just put a microscope on all the people who are being bad. Not to say that it isn't a lot of people and that it's not a problem, because it is, but it's a lot easier to just be like, look at all this terrible shit, when it's really like.

48:12 A not as big as people think. I mean, I'm sure if you live in a state that has no problems, then that's different. But we live in Los Angeles County, which has quite a problem. And so why not really leave my house? I mean, we go to go to the supermarket, but I don't know where else we're going.

48:33 Yeah, no, there's no place to go anyway here. But, you know, to some people, it's a hoax.

48:40 I take my motorcycle out and go on rides.

48:43 You still have a motorcycle?

48:45 Yeah.

48:46 Motherfucker, you were halfway there to Tom Cruise in Top Gun, and you got rid of the plane, man. You were halfway there, dude.

48:52 Well, I hope to be back. As Joelle pointed out, I'm manifesting it on my forearm.

48:56 You could have been on the runway with your bike trying to race freaking prop planes.

49:01 I feel like Tom Cruise and I would really get along. I mean, you know, some stuff aside.

49:12 Look, you both like Kenny Loggins. His character in the movie, at least. You know what I mean? Highway to... the danger zone. Take you riding to the danger zone.

49:30 Are you going to be one of the first customers to Top Gun 2?

49:34 No, that shit looks horrible.

49:36 Really?

49:36 Yeah, that shit looks terrible.

49:38 I was underpaid.

49:40 No, I'm sorry. I'm not hating on it. You know what? That was a hating maneuver, and I apologize. I said I'm trying not to do that.

49:46 Yeah, because Miles Teller's in it. He's a nice fellow. Yeah.

49:50 Do you know how sick I was when we were making this episode? Do you recall this?

49:54 No, tell me.

49:55 I had body aches, chills, I had fever, and wound up having pneumonia and fluid in my lungs. And we did... We did a walk and talk. We did all stemming from the night in the hot tub.

50:10 Oh, that's where you got sick.

50:11 And then the next day we're doing the next week because either he left, I don't remember what it was exactly, but it wasn't all lined up. But the next couple of days, I remember I was so sick. I was like, you know, like sick, sick, like sick.

50:26 I'm surprised you didn't get me and Ryan sick in that hot tub.

50:30 I'm surprised.

50:31 Or that poor woman who's grabbing your booty.

50:33 Yeah.

50:35 I laughed out loud when I go, it's too hot on my eyes!

50:42 Why did they think they could hold their breath long enough to hide from somebody checking on.

50:47 Well, you and Ryan had no problem, but I couldn't. It's too hot on my eyes! Let's discuss.

50:59 Oh, there's another thing. Cox dumps Jordan, and she's like, no, that shit ain't happening.

51:04 Yeah, I know. You're not breaking up with me.

51:06 Have you ever had that happen to you?

51:08 No, but the first thing that came to my mind was, I was once, an ex-girlfriend and I were breaking up, and she got really mad. She was intoxicated, and she took an empty wine glass that was in her hand, and she was yelling at me, and she slammed it down on the ground as hard as she could, And the wine glass didn't break. Amazing. And the both of us instantly broke from fighting and started cracking up because it was the craziest shit we'd ever seen.

51:40 And then you guys made love and got back together?

51:43 No, I don't think we did. No, but I always think it's funny. Like, we're breaking up. No, we're not.

51:53 Then Casey did that shit to me, dude.

51:55 Oh, really?

51:55 Casey did that shit. Like, look, I worked myself- Was that.

51:58 When we were in St. Barts and you tried to break up?

52:01 No, no, no, no, no.

52:02 I came back and begged her to get back with me after the St.

52:04 Barts trip.

52:05 But dude, one night I worked myself up the whole day. I was like, I'm going to fucking break up with her tonight. She's going to come over and we're going to break up and then it's going to be that, right? And so I waited and I waited and I waited. And finally, we're at the point where it's like, okay, it's either do it now or you're never going to do it. So I said to her, look, you know, I just, I'm going to be honest with you, Case.

52:32 You know, granted, these last couple of months have been great and I've had such an amazing time with you, but I don't see this going anywhere. I think this is, I think we're just, you know, playing a game, you know, giving her the breakup fucking speech, right?

52:49 Right, right.

52:50 And I go, so I think we should break up. I think this is it. And she goes, no. And I said, what? I said, no. I said, what? And she goes, no, we're not breaking up. She was like, yeah, that's not going to happen. And I was like, no, I'm breaking up with you right now.

53:10 And she's like, you feel that right now?

53:11 Don't you feel that, Donald? And I was like, feel what? I feel angry. She was like. No, don't you feel that we have something more than this? When you look at us, don't you? When you think about us, you don't see it's going further than where we're at right now? And I'm like, no, I don't. She's like, it's a shame, Donald.

53:28 I do. We're not breaking up. And I'm like, yes, we are. She's like, no.

53:33 She Jedi mind tricked you.

53:34 Right.

53:35 And so by the end of it, I'm like, well, I don't want you to go home. Why don't you just get back in bed? Get in bed.

53:42 These aren't the droids you're looking for.

53:44 She freaking Jedi mind tricked the crap out of me, dude.

53:47 Yeah.

53:48 She's, but it works though, man. And so when Jordan does that to Cox, it definitely catches you off guard. Cause you're like, you know, we're not going to do this. This isn't going to work. And they're like, no, we are going to do this. This is going to work. It's like all of the preparation that you made expecting to have a response. That's like, you know, Oh, but we need, I needed you and you need me. And when that doesn't come in, it's a, and it's, and it, And it's not, fine, that's okay, okay, let's break up.

54:14 And it's, no, we're not breaking up. It just catches a man off guard. And I think men genuinely like this shit, too. Like, it turned me the fuck on. I was like, you know what? You're right.

54:25 Let's fight for this. You certainly have to be on the fence about the relationship if you're really over it. And she's like, we're not breaking up. You're like, right, bro.

54:32 Right, bro.

54:33 Right.

54:34 Right.

54:35 I was definitely on the fence about it.

54:38 How about when the guy in the hot tub is like, some days I sit out here drinking cold one after cold one, and I go, what do you do when you have to pee? And there's a long pause, and he goes, so you guys are doctors, huh? We should mention that Bill Lawrence directed this, and it's his first episode he directed of all of them.

55:01 Thunderous applause, Dan. Thunderous applause for.

55:03 Bill Lawrence, Dan. No, he did a good job. He was adding his own style and flair to it that he had developed with originally Adam and then all the other directors. There were some cool shots and some cool transitions.

55:16 There's a great one at the end of the episode where you and Cox jump onto the elevator and ride down in the elevator while delivering your dialogue, exit, and then go into the lobby, the entrance lobby for the hospital. And it's timed perfectly.

55:32 You can always tell we're really riding the elevator when it lands. There's a bit of a camera shake.

55:37 There's a jump.

55:38 They would try and fake that sometimes, but it never looked as good as this one. You can tell that the camera operator's a little bit jerked by the elevator.

55:49 Elliot goes to Cox for advice. Well, talks to Cox for advice about her deal with Kelso. And he genuinely is like, I can't give it to you right now because I'm going through my own shit. But I found it interesting that that disappointed Cox also, you know, that he wasn't able to help his colleague at this moment in time. You know what I mean?

56:11 Yeah, because he's a reluctant mentor to everyone. Even though he complains about it and whines about it and tells people off, he still likes the young people that he likes coming to him and looking for advice. By the way, your Superman tat and your Shun tat tattoo are both in clearly in the hot tub scene. And let me see where you are with your removal. Let me see if I can see them anymore. Oh, it's all gone. Well, I can still see a little bit of Superman.

56:39 Just a little bit.

56:40 Does that hurt? I heard it hurts like a mofo.

56:43 No, it doesn't hurt as bad as people make it sound.

56:46 Well, it might depend on the spot because I once went with an ex to have some removal done.

56:52 Where was the tattoo?

56:53 It was a tramp stamp.

56:56 Well, yeah, if you like getting your butt smacked, I can't imagine that hurting that much.

57:01 Should we go to a break and then talk to a guest, Donald?

57:04 That sounds fine to me.

57:05 I also really have to pee. So we'll be right back after these fine words and after I empty my bladder. And we're back. I want to show you guys my new dope shoes and tell me you better not diss them because they're fly as hell.

57:24 I'm excited.

57:26 Prepare to gasp. Are you all prepared? Ready to gasp. Don't do this.

57:30 Engine and ready.

57:31 Do it.

57:32 Oh, those are nice.

57:35 That thing's as ugly as fuck, man.

57:39 Oh, Donald.

57:39 I like the switch. It's like art. That shit looks like straight doo-doo.

57:44 Oh, wow.

57:45 These are Vapor Maxes, and they are so dope. You pull on this. Look, check this out. You pull this to tighten.

57:52 Mm-hmm.

57:54 And then you pull this to release. They're 50% recycled. That's so cool. So they're good for the world. You don't like these, Donald? Where did you get them?

58:02 Did you buy those on Nike.com?

58:03 Of course I did. I'm addicted to buying shit on Nike.com. You don't like these?

58:07 I do like those. Those look fly. Those are really dope.

58:09 Look at how that's like knit. They're knit. Yeah, that knit's nice. How's the comfort on those? You know, it's funny. Flo, when I open the box, Flo is making fun of me, like you, saying, like, those are cheesy. And then by the end of the day, she's like, do those come in women's?

58:21 Yeah.

58:23 And guess what? They do.

58:24 Yeah, you know what it is? It's a jealousy thing, man. It's like when, you know, somebody pulls out a pair of nice Jimmy Choo shoes and all the ladies.

58:34 Go, ooh!

58:35 And all the dudes are like, man, fuck those shoes. Because.

58:38 We.

58:38 Don't have nothing as special as that. The only thing that we have special like shoes like that are Jordans or kicks or, you know, really exclusive shoes.

58:47 Yeah.

58:48 Or Yeezys.

58:50 Oh.

58:50 Exclusivity really does it. You don't have any Yeezys?

58:53 I've never owned a pair of Yeezys in my life. And I love, listen, listen, I love Kanye, but I've never owned any of his gear.

59:00 By the way, have you heard this DJ Khaled Drake song, Popstar?

59:05 Yeah, man.

59:05 That's a good song.

59:07 Nick, it's called my person. I have something.

59:12 Like that.

59:12 I'm a pop star.

59:13 I like that song. Wait, Daniel.

59:16 I'm sorry.

59:16 I just want everyone to know I like a Drake song. It's a big moment for me.

59:20 Yeah. Oh, my God. Okay.

59:22 That's a good song.

59:23 Bitch is calling my phone. Yeah, that shit is banging. That shit is banging.

59:29 All right, bring in the guest. Welcome in Dan. Oh, that's going to confuse everything, Dan.

59:37 Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Dan!

59:39 Dan!

59:43 Dan, unmute your phone. There you go. Dan is in the house. Everybody say hello to Dan. Not to be confused with Dan-o, but just Dan. Oh, my God.

59:57 Are you a rebel?

59:58 No relation. Hi, Dan. Welcome to the program. Nice to meet you.

1:00:02 Nice to meet you, too. It's such a privilege to be here. So cool to see both Zach and Donald, two guys that I've watched the majority of my lifetime.

1:00:11 Oh, thank you. Thank you. This is what we look like. We're a bit older than you might remember us from the TV show, but.

1:00:20 Still just as witty.

1:00:23 Where are you calling from, Dan?

1:00:25 Beacon, New York.

1:00:27 New York, yo, New York in the house. It's Beacon in the house. Yeah.

1:00:37 What do you do there? When non-COVID world exists, what do you do for a living?

1:00:43 I am an attorney. I am practicing real estate attorney right now. I've been sworn in now for about a year, but I'm considering in the near future, making a transition to a part-time position with public defender's office in judges County.

1:00:58 Oh, I think I'll bet you that would be way more exciting than real estate in my humble opinion.

1:01:03 I suspect it would be way more fulfilling, too. So that's sort of my thinking about why I want to go that route. And hopefully I'll get a chance to help people. And it's because of value systems like I got from Scrubs about how helping people is more important than money.

1:01:18 Wow.

1:01:19 Hear that, Donald? Look at the difference we made.

1:01:21 No doubt. That's real talk.

1:01:22 That's real talk.

1:01:24 Money is fun too, though.

1:01:27 Money is good, especially if you're trying to buy a $ 20, 000 golf simulator. Now, Dan, while we have you, I'm hearing it is now a good time for people to buy a house because I've heard varying things about that. If you're someone who's saved and you're thinking about doing it, it is now a good time to buy.

1:01:50 Well, I think it depends on where you are. If you're in Dutchess County right now, it's a really, really hot market. Hottest I've ever seen it. I mean, I've only been practicing a year, but I've paid attention to the real estate market a lot longer than that. And it's never been like this. Things are going up for sale and selling within two days. So it's certainly a hot time. Whether or not it's a good time remains to be seen because we're not out of the woods with this COVID stuff yet. And based on long-term projections of what could happen, I mean, it's going to inevitably have some negative impact on the housing market, I think.

1:02:25 I was going to say, are houses selling for less?

1:02:29 Way more.

1:02:30 Way more?

1:02:31 Way more.

1:02:33 I thought it was the.

1:02:36 I thought it was a buyer's market right now.

1:02:38 Right. I thought because a lot of people are– please correct me.

1:02:41 Nationally, you're 100% right. I live in the shadow of New York City where you can take a train. I could walk to the train station and be in Manhattan in an hour.

1:02:50 But see, Dan, that's skewed for everybody listening because everyone wants to get out of Manhattan and where he lives, they want to move. I should have started with that. So if you don't live within commuting distance from Manhattan– I feel like a lot of people, because of the pandemic, are shaking up their thinking of where they want to live.

1:03:08 Of course, people are getting out of cities. People are saying, fuck it, let's go to the country. So I feel like there are houses that are not in the kind of place you live that are going for less, right?

1:03:20 Yes.

1:03:21 Nationally, I've heard that it's absolutely a buyer's market.

1:03:25 I'm only bringing this up because I want Donald to move closer to me. So I keep sending his wife houses that are within a mile of my house.

1:03:34 That sounds fair. I think you should do that, Donald.

1:03:38 Dan, I would love to do that. There's a thing called expensive... Do.

1:03:46 You want to say that again? There's a thing called expensive?

1:03:49 Yeah.

1:03:50 I don't need to say that again.

1:03:51 Let's give you a take two on that. There's a thing called expensive.

1:03:56 That's exactly what I was going for, though.

1:03:59 And.

1:03:59 Right now, buying a house during these, like in California, people are moving out of California because of property tax that's coming up soon. So like if you have a certain amount of land and stuff, you're going to be taxed double is what I've heard. And so now people are moving out of Los Angeles and California to different states where they don't have to pay taxes anymore. I have a.

1:04:27 Place in Manhattan that I daydream about selling during this time, but I'm not going to do it because it would be the worst time in the world to sell it. And then I know I'll regret it. But I, like many who have a piece of property in the city, are like, I don't want to live in the city now. It just feels scary. I want to have space and a yard and not be on top of people in an elevator with someone coughing.

1:04:54 Right.

1:04:55 Right.

1:04:56 It's very speculative, I think, as a whole right now. And let me tell you, if you ever need a lawyer to sell that place in Manhattan, there's a great place.

1:05:05 There you go. There's the lawyer we know and love. All right, Dan, do you have a question for any of us about anything in the world?

1:05:13 Dan, if you want to, you can tell your story here. I know we talked a little bit about it earlier, and if you don't want to, that's fine too.

1:05:20 Oh, Dan has a secret story. I do.

1:05:22 Part of how I got connected to, with Joelle and why I'm here today is because you had said on an episode of your podcast if anybody has a story of hooking up at a funeral to write in. And at that moment, I knew you. It felt like you were talking directly to me because I had that story that.

1:05:43 I've been sitting on. It was just this moment. Yes, Queen.

1:05:47 You guys asked for it, and here it is, man. I was the one that said this was going to be crazy and gross, but this is what you wanted to hear.

1:05:55 We couldn't deliver Ryan Reynolds, but we delivered a guy who banged at a funeral.

1:05:59 Dan, Dan, Dan, it's time to go into your story. Please tell us everything. Go on.

1:06:09 But Dan, don't go too long because we are going long on the show. Give us a condensed version of this amazing tale.

1:06:16 But tell us everything.

1:06:18 When you get to the dirty parts, you can take your time.

1:06:20 I have to be somewhat vague intentionally.

1:06:24 Of course. We don't want to out anybody. Of course. Of course. We're not going to name any names or anything. Of course.

1:06:29 And I will start by saying that, like, listen, I had a friend who passed away really tragically way, way before it was this time of cancer, a rare form of cancer. And I think he was 31 when he passed away. And it was, you know, it was an emotionally charged time is the way I'd like to frame the whole story. Now, his brother was one of my best, best friends and my college buddy, college roommates. Um, for two years and a guy who, you know, I had had a lot of guy love moments with, this is a guy who I'm not afraid to say I've kissed before.

1:07:06 And I will say that on the radio, but he was, uh, a good friend of mine to say the least. And I guess I'd met his cousin at the wake the night before. Uh, it was a cousin of his that I'd hooked up with and I was trying to be artful. So I'm taking my time with how I'm going to parse this out. But I met his cousin at the wake the night before and.

1:07:29 Um is this a woman or a man.

1:07:30 This is a woman okay and uh it was just innocent flirting type of situation um the next day there was a funeral and uh it was at sacred heart which i bring up it's just a funny coincidence that was the name of the church um but then there was an after party and this is where the story really starts the story gets good at the after party because my friend who died had wanted this to be a celebration. He wanted it to be a party. He wanted people drinking. He wanted an open bar. He wanted all the Irish whiskey, you know, flowing. And it was, and we were getting, you know, pretty tore up. And rather than sort of being with the family, this cousin of his was hanging out more with the friends because

1:08:14 we were, we were the people living it up, having a good time. And, So she didn't really, she knew many people at this funeral, but she didn't know many people within my crew of friends. And so she was gravitating towards me and I had no problem being the sort of liaison to the fun that was happening. I felt like it was helpful to her. And we're partying.

1:08:35 Now in the parking lot, she had made a move on me to try and kiss me. I rejected it. She tried again. I rejected a second time, but third time I allowed, things to happen. And we just started making out, some light hand stuff, nothing too too aggressive but we were seen.

1:08:59 Someone saw us light hand stuff is a great name for a band good.

1:09:02 Go there there have been some light hand stuff and uh and i and then that was it i said okay this is crazy we're done you're in you're in an emotional place i did at least say that once and that was it um now She later says to meet her in the bathroom. She's like, I'm going to go in the bathroom. Meet me in there in 10 minutes.

1:09:25 And so I go and I meet her in the bathroom.

1:09:28 Oh, boy.

1:09:28 So you weren't serious. You weren't being truthful when you were like, you're in an emotional place. You were like, you're in an emotional place. There's people staring at us right now. Let's try and find some place that's a little bit more discreet.

1:09:41 Yes.

1:09:41 Yeah.

1:09:41 It's like the bathroom. Like the bathroom.

1:09:45 I'm an imperfect man.

1:09:47 I am.

1:09:47 I am so imperfect.

1:09:50 I own that.

1:09:52 Okay, so let's get to the bathroom. We're in the bathroom.

1:09:55 What happened there?

1:09:57 She had, at that point, she went pants off me and was like, sit down on the toilet and wrote me what I assumed was the best one and a half minutes of her life. And someone did not. And we were sort of caught, but then she's like, oh, I'm just in here. And they went away. And, you know, that was it.

1:10:22 Wow.

1:10:23 Have you seen her since? I, I, she came.

1:10:28 She did.

1:10:28 I lived in Boston at the time. She flew out to see me like a couple of weeks later. We hung out a few more times. And, and after that, we didn't talk a whole lot.

1:10:37 Because she needed there to be a funeral to get turned on.

1:10:40 Yeah.

1:10:41 She needed the drama. Yeah.

1:10:43 She needed the drama.

1:10:44 Just like the show. Dan, we organized this so you could meet your son. Come on in, Billy. Oh, my.

1:10:56 God.

1:10:57 He's about eight years old now.

1:10:59 He looks just like me. Yeah. So this sex act, it occurred while you were sitting on the toilet?

1:11:09 Yes. Okay.

1:11:10 Okay. have you ever done that before zach have you ever had sex on the toilet.

1:11:16 No at a funeral no i mean period no on a funeral double funeral oh good guess joelle joelle thank you thunderous applause for joelle dan turn your key sir uh well thank you sir for that um If you're out there and you too have a story about banging at a funeral, please contact Joelle. We'd love to hear them all.

1:11:40 We have at least four more.

1:11:42 Oh, really? You've got four more in your quiver?

1:11:46 Yes, four more in the inbox.

1:11:48 Now, I believe Dan. I wonder if some people are lying, but I trust Dan. I think his story is real.

1:11:54 Definitely, I had to go back in the memory bank a little bit. And there's details that I left out or probably have forgotten.

1:12:01 Unless they're salacious, we don't need them, Dan.

1:12:03 There's nothing too exciting. There might have been like a fourth attempt. One of the things is that there were more attempts than just the two before I finally gave in. I think it was.

1:12:12 Well, you held on as long as you could, Dan. You held on as long as you can. You probably were like, no, someone give me a shot. One shot later. Yes. Another Jameson.

1:12:27 Yes.

1:12:29 All right. Well, I feel like that should cover the question section, right, Joelle? And maybe we go to Fix Your Life? Sure. Okay. Dan? Dan? You seem like a guy who might get into trouble sometimes.

1:12:41 We're going to play a little game called It's Time to Fix Your Life.

1:12:50 All right, Dan, how can we help you? We can't help that situation, but we can help something that you need help with now.

1:12:56 Well, Donald and Zach, I have a two-year-old daughter named Kennedy. She's actually turning two on Saturday.

1:13:03 Congratulations.

1:13:04 She did it.

1:13:04 Two years is a big deal.

1:13:06 Thank you. And she loves the outdoors. So I will frequently, now I split custody with her mother. And when I have her 50% of the time, I'm bringing her outside all the time. And every time that she comes in, she's very, very upset. And she doesn't like the transition from the outside world to the inside world. Now, it doesn't matter if she's out there for 15 minutes or three hours. No matter what the length of time, she doesn't want to come back in. And it's not as much of a problem in the summer, but with the weather getting colder here, I wonder what I can do now that we're going to be forced for more time indoors.

1:13:46 That's a very difficult question. How are you in the outdoors? Are you skillful when it comes to outdoor stuff?

1:13:56 I would say not at all.

1:13:57 I don't think he means camping, Donald. I think he means playing outside, right?

1:14:00 Playing outdoors.

1:14:01 But some of those things can come into effect. when it comes to playing in the outdoors?

1:14:07 I think what Donald's saying is, is there a chance that you're more fun and present with her outside? And when she comes in, she knows, like, you're going to go to your laptop?

1:14:16 I think Donald may be keying into something here. When we're playing outside, I'm fully engaged with her. Like, it's me and her, and there's the rest of the world. I mean, when we're inside, it's me and my computer or me and my phone a lot of the time. It's not that I'm not playing with Earth, but it's not as much.

1:14:36 Of course. I wonder. That could be your issue right there. There is a possibility that you need to be just as.

1:14:47 Present.

1:14:47 Yeah, just as present as you are outdoors. Just as present indoors as you are outdoors. I personally, you know... I know what this is like. My kids want to wrestle and fight all day long, and sometimes you have to say that's enough. I get it. You only have her 50% of the time, and so you're trying to give her as much love as possible, but there still has to be routine. You know what I mean? You can't just say, I'm going to take you outside, and that's all you guys ever do is just go outside and play. You have to routine the situation and make some sort of schedule for you guys.

1:15:26 I have an idea. I'm sorry, go ahead, Donald.

1:15:28 And so I get it. It's great, and she wants to stay outdoors, but I think that's because she knows that you two, that's the scheduled time that you two spend all of your time together, and she's just wanting that.

1:15:43 Yeah, I think if you, I mean, again, I don't have kids, so listen to Donald over me, but if I were trying to solve this conundrum, I think I would make something super fun in the house... that you guys only do right when you come in. So the first thing that came to my mind was like build a fort or a tent. Cause I used to love that when I was a little kid, especially with my parents. Um, and so she knows like, Oh, it's like a transition time.

1:16:09 It's like, Oh, it's whenever we come in, the first thing we do is dad doesn't just go get on his phone and ignore me. We always build a fort right away. And that's kind of like a transition. Like, Oh, cause you think about it in my mind is if I was a two year old, it's like, Oh, the fun time's over. Now dad's on his phone and I'm bored.

1:16:25 Whereas like, no, whenever we come in, it's fort building time. Like that's exciting too.

1:16:30 Do you know what I mean? 100%. And to a much lesser degree, those are the only things that have worked so far is like, if I can have something right away waiting for her and I've been using like fruit snacks or like a cheap trick like that, like something easy.

1:16:46 Ain't nothing cheap about that trick. That's a good trick. That's a good trick. Ain't nothing cheap about that trick.

1:16:52 No, I'm saying definitely some sort of reward, but the reward, again, we're just pulling this out of our butts. We don't know. I mean, Donald is a great dad, but I'm just saying, come up with something exciting that doesn't make her feel let down. It could be food, I guess, but it could also be like more of your attention.

1:17:08 Yeah, that's such key insight there. And I asked this question, I just want to say, because it's a real problem I have. I mean, like, and the parenting advice that I hear on the show, it's like really insightful and good, but I'm blown away. I didn't necessarily, I didn't expect that I was going to get it. I don't know why you wouldn't think that.

1:17:29 Dan, Dan, Dan, you're welcome.

1:17:32 You're welcome, Dan. I appreciate it.

1:17:34 You can edit out my terrible apology and post it.

1:17:37 We need a Charlie Puth song that's called You're Welcome that goes right here.

1:17:42 Or we could just use the Maui. What can I say except you're welcome.

1:17:49 That is my daughter's favorite movie, Milan.

1:17:51 I love that movie. Moana is such a.

1:17:54 I've never seen Moana.

1:17:56 Lin-Manuel Miranda, whatever the dude's name is. He did the soundtrack for it.

1:18:01 How could you not know his name? He's like the most everywhere person on Earth, and you don't know his name?

1:18:07 I'm sorry.

1:18:09 That's like saying... I think it's like J-something. There's a letter that comes after it. It's like J-R? No, J-Z.

1:18:19 Well, you know, that would be Listen, man, I don't fucking listen to Broadway shows the way you listen to Broadway musicals, okay? I do listen to Broadway musicals, but not like you.

1:18:28 Do you like Hamilton?

1:18:29 I've only seen it once.

1:18:31 So you don't listen to the music?

1:18:32 No. I saw it on Disney. I saw it on Disney +.

1:18:35 Look at Joelle's face.

1:18:36 She's hurt. She's not hurt. She's not hurt. But I'll tell you, Leslie Odom, is that his name?

1:18:42 Yeah, amazing. That dude got skills, son!

1:18:46 That dude got skills. Look, as a rapper, period. Look, he could've stepped... I know that Lin-Manuel wrote the... So I said his name right. I know that Lin-Manuel Miranda wrote the raps and all of that shit, but I never expected... freaking Leslie to sound like he put the voice in it and everything with the tin in it, sin in it, the fin in it, the kin in it, the min in it, the den in it. Sin in it, den in it, sin in it, the Hamilton in it, the nin in it, the George Washington in it, the fin in it, fin in it. I got the sin in it, the fin in it, the pot pin in it, the pin in it, the pot poon in it, the pot sin in it.

1:19:24 So let the get in, the.

1:19:25 Get in, the get in, the get in, the get in, the get in. He had to, he had to.

1:19:30 You know, Donald, I'm something of a rapper myself. I don't know if this is the proper time to interject that.

1:19:35 Oh, God.

1:19:36 Go ahead. Oh, God.

1:19:38 Let's get them 16 bars.

1:19:40 I'm a freestyle.

1:19:41 Rapper for sure, but I do it as a hobby.

1:19:44 Let's go.

1:19:45 16 bars.

1:19:46 Let's go.

1:19:46 How about 12 bars? Go ahead.

1:19:49 16 bars ain't that long. I need a beat.

1:19:51 I can hit up beat for you.

1:19:52 Beatbox. Anybody.

1:19:54 Why say no, Donald? Are you beatbox then, Donald?

1:19:56 All right, you ready?

1:20:01 Okay.

1:20:12 Now I'm on with Donald Faison and Zach. My dude Zach Bradford is new. Here, everybody's looking real loose. Yeah, everybody's looking real. All right, we're going to edit all that out.

1:20:25 It was so hard.

1:20:26 Done.

1:20:26 No drugs.

1:20:27 If there is a thing that will keep me up at night, That's the thing.

1:20:36 Oh, really?

1:20:37 I'm just glad you didn't rhyme news with Jews, but no, that was great.

1:20:42 I'm a true freestylist.

1:20:43 Trust me, it was there.

1:20:44 That's what derailed the whole thing.

1:20:46 I was like, you can't say that.

1:20:48 Okay, I was just saying that Leslie was like, And that was dope to me.

1:20:56 Listen, I was directing Going In Style when Michael Caine went to see Hamilton on Broadway. And it was like the height of the Hamilton insanity in New York City. And I go, Michael, how was your night? Did you have a good sleep and everything?

1:21:09 I went to see this Hamilton. And you know, this one's talking like this. And this one's rapping like this.

1:21:17 It was amazing. So I got to see Michael Caine's impression of Hamilton.

1:21:24 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the best Michael Caine impersonation. You got to do a good Michael Caine impersonation. This one's talking like this.

1:21:35 This one, you're going to say Michael Caine. It's Michael Caine. And this one is rapping like this. And the other one is talking like this.

1:21:41 It's amazing. So that was Michael Caine. That's my Michael Caine has just seen Hamilton impression.

1:21:51 Dan.

1:21:52 We're probably not going to cut out your.

1:21:54 Freestyle because I feel like America needs to hear this. Oh, Dan, you went from amazing guests telling us you banged on a toilet at a funeral to your low point, frankly, was your freestyle rap.

1:22:07 That's my new low point.

1:22:13 It was a bad attempt, but honestly, I'm going to be completely honest. I do actually rap.

1:22:17 We'll give you one more chance.

1:22:19 You don't need a beat. Just do it off the top of your head.

1:22:23 Your beatboxing was throwing this. Go ahead.

1:22:25 I'm so nervous, and I really don't do off-beat most of the time.

1:22:29 You got it. You got it, Dan. Do you have a SoundCloud? Just picture a beat, Dan. You got this. Send us your SoundCloud.

1:22:34 Send us your SoundCloud.

1:22:35 We want to hear it live. We want to hear it live.

1:22:38 It's not like that.

1:22:39 Just go for it. Don't be shy. Come on. You banged in a toilet at a funeral.

1:22:45 Don't let him bully you. Don't let him bully you, Dan. Don't let him bully you.

1:22:48 You're making it so hard on the man right now.

1:22:50 If ever there were pressure.

1:22:54 Dan, Dan, there's only millions of people listening. You got this.

1:22:57 Okay. Check it. So, so there's millions of people listening and there ain't nobody out here that's going to be dissing him because it's the same rap. over again and now they're laughing but it's never gonna stop because when I could spit back every single track every single fact that I spit it's on every single rap and now I'm here only to spit the facts because it's my time it's prime time it's live it's on iHeart don't start I ain't here to fart I ain't gonna shark I ain't gonna blow my opportunity I ain't gonna blow my chance so I'm gonna take a stance and I'm gonna let you all know on the radio this is the way it goes yo big in New York.

1:23:35 In the house ain't never gonna clown I run this town Yeah! Yeah! You guys should see the screw face he's giving right now. He's got the hard face. His face got all hard and shit at the end of that shit.

1:23:49 Dan, I've never asked for this, but instead of thunderous applause, can we have sort of a light, a light appreciative golf clap? Yes, I can do that. He's like, I ain't taking that shit. Good work. Good work, Dan. I like that you were brave in front of millions of people. And that was beautiful. In fact, I'm going to play that back when I work out next on the Peloton bike.

1:24:13 Listen, you guys have, again, changed my life working out too. I feel like this is like my gym. I'm going to listen to myself and work out that much harder.

1:24:23 Yo, I'm surprised you don't do that.

1:24:25 I'm surprised you don't do that yet, man. That's the best way to work out. Listen to yourself.

1:24:29 When I said I was a rapper, I was being tongue-in-cheek. Like, I don't do it seriously. I'm in a bar band where I frequently have to rap. So I'm in a band that plays covers, all covers, and all the rap parts I do. Now, I used to freestyle in high school and stuff like that, but I don't really do it anymore. I don't have a sound cloud.

1:24:44 I made up a rap once about Passover. Would you like to hear a sample of it?

1:24:48 I would love to hear this, please. Yes, right now.

1:24:52 Yes, right now. Yes, yes, yes. I was like 10 years old, and my father said, we're going to go on a road trip to go to a Passover Seder, and I recorded this rap to surprise my dad on a cassette in the car.

1:25:05 Do it.

1:25:07 I might have to remember the lyrics, but it was something like, I mean, this is like 30 fucking years ago, but it was something like, one day four people took a trip to Boston, Elaine, Hal, and Zach, and an Audi 5000. The reason for this trip was Passover time. If we snook some bread in, it would be a crime. Wow.

1:25:25 Just remember on this five-hour trip, McDonald's and Burger King, we would skip. The reason for this deed was Passover time. If we snook some bread in, it would be a crime. Wow.

1:25:40 Wait, I got one more.

1:25:41 One more bar. Why did we go so far when we could pray at home? The reason was unknown. Just remember your comb. Thunderous applause, Dan. Thunderous applause.

1:25:54 I turned my key for that. Key has been turned.

1:25:57 All right, Dan, we got to go. You've been a delightful guest. Thank you so much.

1:26:00 Yes.

1:26:02 Dan, thank you, man. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Freestyle Dan!

1:26:09 Thank you, Dan. Thanks, guys.

1:26:10 Edit out my freestyle.

1:26:11 No, we're keeping it. I'll sue you, Zach. Okay, bye, Dan.

1:26:19 I once rode a ride once when I was a kid.

1:26:20 Wow. He got a little scary at the end, right? Let's be honest. I'm cutting all of that. No, you're not. That was glorious.

1:26:29 Oh, no.

1:26:29 To mortify.

1:26:30 Oh, my God.

1:26:32 That's going to ruin him.

1:26:33 No, it was glorious.

1:26:35 Listen. No, listen. Listen.

1:26:37 Listen.

1:26:37 Listen. He redeemed himself a little bit with the second one. Donald.

1:26:42 Okay.

1:26:43 I'll bet you in the pantheon of Passover raps written by children, mine is somewhere on the list. High up.

1:26:50 You tell me, do Weird Al have a Passover song?

1:26:54 Maybe unreleased. We got to end this fucking show. We've gone so long. Okay. The merch, people are asking about the merch. You go to cottonbureau.com. CottonBureau.com and then you just put in Fake Doctors Real Friends and you can find it that way. And now Joelle actually has a brief announcement about people who want to get on the show as the caller.

1:27:19 Hey guys, Joelle here. I know a lot of you keep hitting me up on the social medias about where to send your mail if you want to be on the show, so I just want to clarify again. That's scrubs, I heart at gmail.com. So it's scrubs like the show that you watch to watch this show. I heart like the network at gmail.com. You can send your emails there.

1:27:40 Feel free to email me multiple times. It's worked for some people. I can't guarantee anything. Oh God, guys, please send questions because a lot of you are just like, I want to be on the show. And I know because that's why you're emailing us. And I really appreciate that. But if you could put your questions in the box so I know what you want to ask, that's going to be really helpful to get you on to the show. Okay.

1:28:02 What else you want to say, Donald?

1:28:04 Yo, thank you all for listening. Thank you all to the frontline workers. Thank you all. Thanks to everybody out there who checks the four of us out every Tuesday and Thursday. We truly appreciate it.

1:28:17 Amen.

1:28:18 I'd like to thank Zendaya for winning that Emmy because I think she's incredible.

1:28:22 She deserved it. You know what I mean?

1:28:25 She's the youngest. I think she's the youngest woman to ever win the award.

1:28:30 Mm-hmm.

1:28:31 24.

1:28:31 And the second black woman to win the award.

1:28:33 Wait, Zendaya's 24?

1:28:35 Yes.

1:28:37 She fine, dude.

1:28:38 She fine. I'm going to keep it 100. 100, y'all.

1:28:41 She's a very beautiful woman.

1:28:42 She's a gorgeous lady. Yeah, if that's the right way to say it, then that's the right way to say it. I'm going to say it how I feel right now.

1:28:51 So, Zendaya, if you're not watching Euphoria.

1:28:54 She fine.

1:28:55 You got to watch that show because Zendaya's performance is incredible. And I remember watching a certain scene where she's yelling through a door. You guys know the scene I'm talking about at her drug dealer. And I was like, I think I turned to my girlfriend. I was like, well, she's going to win the Emmy. That was incredible. That was incredible. And so I just wanted to end with saying a hat tip to her because I think she's super talented. In the spirit of ending our show with music, I've been reaching out to a few bands that I know and love and that I can actually get in touch with. And one is called The Weepies. If you don't know The Weepies, they're a great band. And I have one of their songs on the Wish I Was

1:29:33 Here soundtrack. So I thought I would end today's show with a song I really like called Hummingbird. So thank you all for tuning in, and I got permission, so here are the Weepees with Hummingbird.

1:29:48 Always been like a hummingbird And I can't keep still Listen up, lover, listen up I never will.

1:29:59 Wings move faster.

1:30:01 Than the human eye And if you could see my heart Well, if you could see.

1:30:08 My heart kept from flying outwards. Somehow I don't know. Wonder I don't come apart. Wonder I don't come apart.

1:30:21 Always been like a hummingbird that can't keep still. Listen up lover, listen up, I never will.

1:30:29 Holding upon you stole.

1:30:45 A ruby necklace from the chamber of a.

1:30:56 Queen Distraction for my heart Distraction for my heart It's humming like a diver's Every time you're near The only sound I hear The only sound.

1:31:27 I hear Always been like a hummingbird And I can't keep still Listen up lover, listen up I never will Sweetness captures honeybees in time Amber like your eyes Amber like your eyes Maybe there's a season when I'll taste that wine A thimble at a time A thimble full of wine Always been like a hummingbird And I can't keep still Listen up, lover, listen up, I never will Listen up, lover, listen up Listen up, lover, listen up Listen

1:32:19 Up, lover, listen up, I never will