The Hardest Person To Trust After Heartbreak Might Be Yourself | Louise O'Neill

Louise O'Neill, award-winning author, joins me to talk about A Bigger Life, her memoir of the devastating breakup she went through, and the year that followed: a dating odyssey from Dublin to Paris, London, New York and Rome, with a different date almost every night.

What we explore together:

•Why rejection cuts so deep, and the belief so many of us carry: "I need to improve myself because I'm not lovable enough"

•The myth that there are no good men left, and how the algorithm feeds scarcity after a breakup

•Her worst dates, from a catfish in France to a frightening walk in Central Park

•Why "do I like them?" is a better question than "do they like me?"

•Falling back in love, and how a relationship can show you where you still need to heal

Love, Sarah Ann 💛

My book 'Healthy Shouldn't Be This Hard': amazon.co.uk/Healthy-Shouldnt-Be-This-Hard-ebo…

This episode is sponsored by:
POLSEN HEALTH: The compassionate health tracker. Connecting body and mind with unique stress recovery insights so you can live fully today.
👉 15% off with code LWBW15 at polsen.health

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Louise O'Neill:
📚 A Bigger Life: lnk.to/ABiggerLife
📷 Instagram: instagram.com/oneilllou

Chapters
00:00 Trailer
01:20 Introduction: A Bigger Life, Eat Pray Love for the Hinge era
01:46 The breakup that came just before 38
03:00 A year of intensive healing: ayahuasca, a shaman and a Catholic priest
03:57 "I need to improve myself because I'm not lovable enough"
05:12 Why rejection brings up feelings of worthlessness
08:06 "If you want a bigger life, you have to take bigger risks"
08:56 Rejection exposure therapy: the more dates, the braver she felt
11:48 What a bigger life means to her now
12:36 "I was sorry that I hadn't left earlier"
14:05 Sponsor break: Polsen Health
15:52 Walking down the aisle without enough self-trust
16:40 The greatest betrayal: not trusting yourself
18:02 "There are no good men left": the dating cesspit myth
19:02 How the algorithm feeds scarcity after a breakup
20:42 The worst date: catfished in France
22:48 The Central Park date that turned frightening
24:02 Seeing someone again, and how to follow up
25:12 Getting ghosted
29:58 Why modern dating feels so hard: we've all been hurt
32:43 "Do I like them?" instead of "Do they like me?"
35:20 "Do not rush": eggs, engagement and the 39th birthday deadline
38:35 Why the date she was least excited about was the best
40:46 Hinge height filters and the six-foot problem
42:13 Casting the net wider: Sarah's house search
45:25 Uncertainty, ambiguity and why risk is liberating
46:42 Staying curious and the fear of ageing
49:04 "Not just a memoir, a manifesto"
51:06 A kiss under the Eiffel Tower and the parallel life
55:46 Turning 41 and the pressure of a new decade
57:46 Tools for constant worry: presence, nature and her dad
59:34 Panic attacks, beta blockers and a cracked tooth
1:02:41 Throwing away the script
1:04:32 Freedom and feeling alive
1:05:34 Falling back in love: the LA fires and meeting on Hinge
1:07:29 "I'm a really good first date": what love showed her still needed healing
1:11:26 Hyper-independence and losing her uncle at 14
1:12:54 "When I was supposed to have lost the love of my life, I had never felt so loved"
1:13:58 What's next: a new novel, West Cork, London and New York
1:16:25 Aliveness, women's health and ageing
1:19:03 The myth that women become less valuable as they age
1:20:06 Male fertility and the clock men don't talk about
1:21:22 Egg freezing and choosing motherhood on your own terms
1:23:04 The child-free friend who shaped her childhood
1:24:16 Choosing to adopt at 38
1:26:45 What does Live Well Be Well mean to you?
1:27:38 Holding on to hope