MFM Minisode 507

Hello and welcome to My Favorite Murder, the minisode we read you AR Stories.

This one's a special episode because we just asked for shame stories, things that you're ashamed of, like embarrassing stories, right?

Yes, and we have found some great ones to the point where. We think maybe we should do a dedicated episode or a dedicated something.

Something about it because it's funny and they're great and they made me feel better about myself. And I feel like it's like we're doing a service to everyone everywhere that everyone has done something embarrassing.

Yes. So it's basically we're saying welcome to Shame Town. That's right. We've been here. Yeah. Or we're so glad we're not you. Right. Everybody gets relief.

Everyone laughs. Except for you.

We enjoy ourselves. Maybe you don't as much. Yeah. But then we'll tell stories so you don't, like, we won't laugh, but you can laugh at us.

It's basically a public service, and you're welcome.

So shut up.

So shut the fuck up. Am I first or are you first? Go first, yeah. Celebrity encounter. I accidentally kidnapped someone famous's kid.

Oh, no.

Hello, ladies. My family and I visited L.A. from Kansas this past New Year's to see the Rose Bowl parade and attend the football game. Welcome. Welcome. I have a husband and three sons, ages 9, 13, and 16. The level of noise, the volume, and smell. And Axe body spray. Honey, you should take a year off. And it says, which is important here. One of the days in town, we visited the Academy Museum on Wilshire Boulevard. We walked in, wide open space, lots to look at, and we headed towards the ticket counter. It bends around, and I was looking up at the sign that said prices, info, etc., As I'm looking, I put my arms around my nine-year-old son in front of me, like a little hug, and pull him towards me. The following is what happened in

a split second in my head. Hmm, weird. Theo wasn't wearing a puffer coat. Theo doesn't have a puffer coat. Oh, my God. I had grabbed someone else's son and pulled him towards me. I let go and jumped back. Somehow, the kid was unfazed and the parents were busy up ahead. I quickly stepped back behind my own kids and told my husband. Okay, so breathing heavily, but the crisis is averted.

We then bought tickets and made our way to the exhibits. This was the 50th anniversary of Jaws' year, so there was a huge floor-wide exhibit to the movie. One area was showing the special zoom-in camera techniques used in the movie. A couple was there trying it out with a museum helper assisting them. I stopped to watch the process for a moment when I met eyes with the woman of the couple. She looked at me looking at her. Staring at each other, it slowly hit me. Oh, my God.

Tiffany Amber Thiessen's son was the boy I grabbed downstairs at the ticket counter. What? What? Tiffany, everything is in.

Dude, that's so specific.

And it's so, yeah.

It's so L.A.

It's so, you grab that person's side. And then Tiffany was not privy to my thoughts. So my guess is she's staring at me like, no, don't say hi, don't say who I am and cause a stir. I was looking back thinking, oh, no. She thinks I'm a crazy fan who wants to let everyone know she's here, but nope. I was thinking, oh, no, oh, no. And then also, I have to tell everyone I know that I sort of abducted Kelly Kapowski's baby boy.

Abducted is strong.

Yeah, yeah. Like she held him for ransom, kind of. Yeah, that's right. Again, I skirted over to my husband and said, you know the boy I grabbed downstairs thinking it was Theo? And I told him the story. Whew, well, all was well, and no words were exchanged. No cops were called. My own three sons, husband, and I enjoyed the rest of the museum and L.A. Love the food. Thank you.

You mean that Marie Callender's that's right down there.

By— Del Taco. Thanks for reading my story and doing over 500 minisodes. My 13-year-old son Evan and I listen to your minisodes every Monday on the way to school.

Hi, Evan.

Hey, Evan.

What's it like being 13?

Oh, good luck, bro. Listen. It's going to be hard for a little while.

Just hold your breath, and before you know it, you'll be 19.

Let your mom pop your zits. Just let her do it.

Ew.

I know. No. Yes. And then it says, I love that we have this podcast to bond over. It can be hard to stay interesting to your newly teenage boy. Love, Alice. Alice. Epic. Tiffany Amber Thiessen, if you're listening.

If you're listening, there's a lady that's trying to steal your children. I've done things like that, not with, like, not famous, but My equivalent is walking into the men's bathroom because I wasn't reading the sign. Right. Have you ever done that? Or just like a full march.

Yes, I totally have.

Full march into like past the sinks almost to the stalls.

And then nobody, like everyone pretends to not notice and it makes it worse instead of being like, oops, ha ha.

No. I had a guy, like a businessman looking, coming out and being like, like that. And then I just spun on a foot and like marched back out.

Yeah, I've definitely done that.

That doesn't apply, but. Okay, so along the shame town theme, this is also a kid with a job.

Okay.

Good one. I won't read you the subject line. It says, Okay. 10% was standard in Indiana, and if they greeted you with blessed when asked how their day was going, you were for sure going to get 5%. Ooh. Yeah. Ooh.

That's an indictment, and I love it.

That's truth-telling from grassroots style.

You can't take it.

Then don't go to restaurants and not tip. Exactly. Cut to me, the only fourth grader at Holy Spirit who is regularly rolling in ones and fives.

Yep. I love it.

A little plaid uniform.

Yeah.

And whenever there was pizza day, field trip, or book fair, you can bet that I was the one my classmates turned to for a loan at 100% interest a day.

Damn.

And then this is all written as if it's dialogue. See, I'll give you $ 2, and then you just give me $ 4 tomorrow. That's how they did it. These were kids with allowances and parents who were born in this country. They didn't know the value of a dollar. However, you best believe that I knew the amount of sweat and fake smiles it took to pry a buck out of some old man's wallet when he came in for a lunch special. So they had no problem paying me, and I had no problem taking their money.

Oh, no shame.

I still might have the ledger I kept somewhere in my box of childhood mementos. I can tell you, however, that my waitressing apron has long been languishing in a dump somewhere in the Midwest.

Stay sexy. Stay sexy.

And come see a 10-year-old loan shark when the bank won't approve that pizza loan. Claudia.

Wow, Claudia. I love the little picture of a 10-year-old you fucking slinging drinks.

I don't actually think, I think I've mislabeled this. I don't think Claudia is ashamed at all. And this is really, this isn't, no one's asking to go to shame town.

I think she thinks she should be shamed. And we're like, no.

Not at all.

You're smarter than the other kids. Congratulations.

Well, and also just that point of like, this is what it takes to get a dollar. So I will absolutely get your dollars.

100%.

Hell yes. Love it.

No shame.

That's what we say.

Either shame or no shame.

Yeah.

And then when someone's really bad, we can ring a bell and go shame like in Game of Thrones.

I love it. Okay, my next one's called Late Confessions. Howdy from Texas. When me and my bestie were old enough to reach the car pedals, but not old enough to drive, we would dare each other to back my mom's car out of the driveway and back in. What a great dare. Yeah. She worked nights, and it was the 1980s, bad combo for mischief. Yes. All fun until my friend hit the garage door and dented it. The good news was that because my mom worked nights, she never saw it and was too tired in the morning to notice. During the day, her car blocked the dent, so my dad never saw it until much later on.

When it was noticed, none of the drivers owned up to it. My parents blamed my two older brothers. For years, every Thanksgiving, it would come up and my brothers get in a friendly argument and would blame each other. And I sat there quietly.

Shame.

So much shame.

Ring the bell.

When I was in my late 30s, I assumed the statute of limitations was passed. So I confessed. Shock. And then laughter went around the table. Cheers, Joanne. Shame.

Shame, Joanne. But also like those, I love those, we'll call them like benign. Yeah. sins or whatever, where like, but you still hold onto it for 20 years.

Totally, because it's your family and that's the dynamics that come with it.

It's not going to be funny. We have to put a couple decades on this before it's funny. Because you screw up your dad's car or a car in the family, like for us, is like, you can't. My brother did it, for sure. Yeah. And then the insurance goes up.

Yeah. Okay.

This is kind of a legendary shame town. It's so good. It just says most embarrassing moment. Years ago, I sang in a church choir near my parents' house. Before I went to sing, I would stop and visit my parents, who had a dog with a thick white ruff. I often left their house covered with dog hair. One Sunday morning at choir, an older woman was wearing a bright cobalt blue dress. I noticed that one long wavy white dog hair from my clothes had made its way to the neck of her dress. Feeling all sisters got to stick together, I went to pluck it off. Only to find it was, all caps, Growing from her cheek.

That long?

When I tugged it, it pulled the skin of her face like a tent. When I tugged on it, it pulled the skin of her face out like a tiny tent.

Oh my God.

So, so period. Stay sexy and keep your hands off other people's clothes.

MB. I mean, she was doing her a favor, but then it just turned so quickly on her. But like, why had no one ever done that? I know.

Why had no one ever done that?

You've got to tell someone.

Oh, I will absolutely tell people, and I insist.

And it has to be women, because I know Vince doesn't. I can have a huge hair on my fucking chin, and I'm like, why didn't you tell me? Vince doesn't notice that shit.

They don't look at it.

You have to tell your girlfriends.

Recently, I was on a trip, and we got up in the morning, and my friend I was on the trip with, their friend was in town, and they're like, oh, he's going to meet us and whatever. And so I was like, need to sit here and put on a bunch of makeup I'll just you know what I mean I tried to be like easy breezy yeah and it all went fine until I got back to my hotel room and just like The one white chin hair just like sticking out or.

It's like pointing out at everybody.

You have to review in these later years. You can't just like throw on some sunglasses and assume.

You can't be like the hotel's light in the bathroom. Everything's fine.

You get into that fucking magnetized mirror.

I bring my tweezers with me everywhere I go because you never know how good those magnetizing mirrors at hotels are going to be. That's right. Sometimes they're great.

They can be so good.

Right.

Face torn up, completely ruined, scarred.

My last one is called Grandma and Elvis, Man, Not Cat.

Hello, all. What if it was a whole story about your old cat?

I would love that. And I love that we have to clarify that in this podcast. It means so much to me. Hello, all. Hope everyone's well. Let's get into it. I'm writing in because you all recently asked for stories about hanging out with celebrities, and my grandma did just that. My maternal grandmother, Patricia, moved to the United States from England in the early 1960s because, in her words, she, quote, didn't feel like marrying a boy from great Yarmouth and settling down. Yarmouth?

I think it's Yarmouth.

Yarmouth. And settling down. She was about 21 when she arrived in New York and quickly made her way to California with some girlfriends who had also moved across the pond. One day, shortly after their arrival, the women all took a break from their retail jobs to visit Santa Monica Pier. Some American boys gravitated towards the group and eventually revealed that they were part of Elvis' road crew. Thinking they were full of it but still wanting to party, Grandma Pat and her friends went with these men they had just met to a house in the hills to continue their night. No such thing as SSDGM back then, I guess. Hey, listen.

Sometimes people just get drunk and have some fun.

That's right. They're drinking and talking in the kitchen late into the evening. When suddenly the saloon-style doors swing open, and you guessed it, the king himself walks in. The guys weren't lying after all. To hear her tell the story, he was pretty laid back and even let one of the young women interview him for their little newspaper back in Yarmouth. He handed out signatures for them to give to friends and family back home. Later in the night, Elvis ordered Chinese takeout for the group. When the ladies finally left, he went out to the driveway and guided them down the steep incline back onto the main road.

I mean, I've got mixed feelings about this whole thing because on one hand, it's an amazing celebrity encounter. But on the other hand, he had already met and begun grooming Priscilla, who was living in his home in Memphis at the time of this encounter. When I asked my grandma Pat about whether he came off as a creep, she said she, quote, didn't pay much attention to him back then because she didn't like his music.

What?

How? So there's that. Grandma was too cool for the king. Thanks so much for all you do. I'm a day one listener who started listening to your show in undergrad and just finished graduate school.

Oh, congratulations.

I now have a doctorate in history, which means we do too.

That's right.

That's the new rule.

The honorary.

I've been doing a re-listen of the show while preparing for my new job as a history professor. And you kept me company on road trips and cross-country moves. Keep doing what you're doing. S-S-D-G-M, Kayla. P.S., here's a picture of 20-year-old Grandma Pat before she left for England with the pearls. Look how cute she is.

Oh, my God.

The platinum blonde hair. She looks like Anna Faris, doesn't she?

She does.

Like, of course the king was nice to them. They're fucking cuties.

They're so cute. Also, and I don't know if he had a different backup band or, you know, whatever, but the guys that were in the Elvis backup band, at least from that special he did in 68, were insanely hot.

Oh, really? Yeah.

All of them were, like, had the, like, Dark.

Hair slicked back or whatever.

They were cool. Okay. This is kind of amazing. Okay.

It starts, you guys.

Day one listener, first time writer, lifetime procrastinator. I've mentally written so many stories to share with y'all, but I never type them out. I was going to send this as a fucking hooray, but then you specifically asked for lottery stories, and I knew this was finally it. Okay. First, your podcast is the first podcast I ever listened to and is, of course, my favorite. Period. No joke. You all are one of the greatest joys in my life and one of the best things to ever happen to me.

Oh, my God. Thank you.

That is until earlier this year when I won the fucking lottery.

No.

Uh-huh.

That's the only thing that wouldn't offend me. You know, anything else.

Immediate fix.

Until I found the podcast Morbid, and now I hate you both.

Those girls are incredible. It says, who the hell has money to waste on the lottery? I always thought. But over the years, I became a casual player because my mom occasionally had good luck. Then came the lottery apps, which made things so much easier.

There's a lottery app? I wish I didn't know that.

I know. Careful, careful.

Yeah.

I really got into it the last few years. So anyway, recently I decided to play a game that I don't normally play because the jackpot was a high, perfectly round number.

I see you, ADHD. Perfectly round number you have to play.

Yes.

It's good luck.

It's telling me. Yeah. I follow what it says. I played five $ 1 tickets, four of which were quick picks. I forgot to check right after the drawing, but I got an email saying I won. I've gotten those before, so I assumed it was like a couple of dollars like usual. Yeah. Nope. It all felt like slow-mo.

Oh, my God.

I checked the first game. No wins. I checked the next one. No wins. Confused, I checked the last one, and I saw the numbers were all highlighted. My eyes widened, my ears got warm, my heart sped up, and then I saw it. One million dollars.

What?

One million dollars. I lost it. I thought I was going to pass out from the excitement building inside my body.

Oh, my God.

I couldn't believe it. I still don't. I had done research before, and I knew I should get a lawyer and a tax pro and whatnot. So I did all that first. Then I claimed the money anonymously. And then it says, so please don't share my name. I've told very few people, but I immediately knew that I wanted to tell y'all. Thank you. I'm so happy for you.

It's been a whirlwind, but I am beyond happy. I have so many plans for myself and the people I love. Most of them have no idea what's coming.

Oh, my God.

Stay sexy and remember that you have to play to win.

P.S.

I couldn't send my first email without telling y'all how much I appreciate the way you do constantly educate your listeners about the realities of the world inside and outside of true crime. I love the way you speak up and speak out for people of color and other marginalized groups. As a black woman in America, hearing the compassion, the understanding, the rage that you share with us It's so impactful.

It's helped me heal in ways I didn't know I needed. God.

Oh, my God.

I think one of the reasons people ride so hard for the show.

Oh, my God.

This is going to get me.

I feel like we won the lottery. I know.

Is because it really feels like you see all of us.

Oh, my God.

You'll never know how much that truly means. Thanks a bunch. Like sweetheart, like the emoji with the big teary eyes.

Oh, my God.

Anonymous.

We can't say who it's from. Thank you to you. Yeah.

Wow. Thank you, rich lady.

I'm assuming. Yeah.

That's incredible.

I love that story. That was so fucking sweet. And it is mind boggling. It's yeah. Yeah.

Oh, first of all. The idea that we got thought of to share the most exciting news is just so touching. Totally. Aside from a beautiful message, which is like, what a nice thing to hear. Yeah.

And we're genuinely so excited for you. It feels like a friend of ours won the lottery. I don't know anyone.

Buy yourself a crazy expensive purse and then it'll be. It'll be so satisfying. It'll feel crazy. And then you'll have like.

You'll still have so much money left over.

You put it in the purse.

And the. You stuff that.

Purse with cash.

Expensive purses have their own purses.

They're bags. That's right.

They come in. It's crazy. So you get two for one.

That's right. And also expensive purses come with a bunch of money inside. That only rich people know that. And now this is the world you live in.

Well, thank you, everyone, for writing in and for listening. And that was so much fun.

The minisodes. They're really becoming something.

They are.

It's so exciting. All right. Stay sexy.

And don't get murdered.

Goodbye.

Elvis, do you want a cookie?

This has been an Exactly Right production.

Our managing producer is Molly Smith.

Our consulting producer... is Kate Schellenbach.

Our creative lead is Allison Agosti.

Our associate producer is Tessa Hughes, and our editor is Aristotle Acevedo.

This episode was mixed by Liana Squalacci.

Email your hometowns to myfavoritemurder at gmail.com and follow the show on Instagram at myfavoritemurder.

Listen to My Favorite Murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Or watch new episodes every week on Netflix. Search for My Favorite Murder at Add us to your list and hit the double thumbs up button.

Goodbye.

MFM Minisode 507

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