S10E39:YOU DONT NEED TO HAVE HAD A STROKE TO BE A SURVIVOR.( guest Lesa Johnston)

0:00 Hello, beautiful survivors. This is Karina from Stroke Surviving the Odds. Today I have another amazing guest to introduce to you to hear her story, how she conquered trauma in her life. But before I need to tell you, Stroke Surviving the Odds is top five podcasts worldwide. And its mission is really to help stroke survivors and survivors of all kinds, as you're going to hear Lisa survive and thrive and move forward past the event of the stroke or the trauma in this case.

0:39 OK, We want to reclaim our identity, reclaim our strength. And this is exactly what Lisa has been doing. So without further ado, I'm just going to give the floor to Lisa. So Lisa Johnston, thank you so much for being here. Where did we meet? Actually, actually we met on a live on TikTok. I met you through Tim Man, who I met, he came into a live. He is a stroke survivor and he is inspiring. You know, he, the work that he put in to get from where he was to where he is today, it it's just inspiring. And I believe the two of you were talking about how you had to, after having a stroke, rewire things in your brain. And as I was listening, it was like I was married for 30 years. OK.

1:54 And. I had to rewire how to be me after a marriage of 30 years and being on my own. And being on your own now, learning how to be on your own. You have children, I think, right? One. One boy. I have three boys. I have three boys and you know, I, I didn't leave the marriage until I knew my boys were all together. Like they were settled.

2:26 They were on their own. They were settled and they had lives of their own. And when I knew they were OK, that's when I left. Yes, Mama, before we embark in that story, OK, of your survival, can you tell my audience and my listeners who is Lisa who? Who was Lisa before and who is she now? So Lisa's still trying to figure out who Lisa is, and I think that's an everyday process for everybody.

3:07 You know, the Lisa before was very timid, very afraid to speak her mind, wasn't sure how to be alone, always second guessing herself. Lacking self assurance right I. Had I thought I had confidence? OK. But I really didn't know I had confidence until I was on my own, until I put the work in, until I had to do it on my own.

3:48 Well. That's a revelation, Lisa. That is that honestly, is the key to surviving is to do the work ourselves right, right and right and and that's. Why? It's an everyday. It's an everyday thing, right? It's an everyday thing. I believe that every day is a new day, is a learning day. Where as before you know, I I could always depend on my ex.

4:24 I thought I could. If I couldn't, if I couldn't do something, you know that person was there to do it. Can you put us in context of seeing that you were depending what was what, What is it that you survived? Can you put a name to it? What? What went on, What went on what, how can I say? I don't like to give labels, but I think that in the society we live, we need labels to understand where you come from.

4:57 So what is it? I personally know, but I think that if you're, if you're comfortable putting us back in context of that, Lisa, back then that was lack of assurance and everything and relying on others. Can you put some content? Yeah, yeah. So I was in a relationship with my ex-husband, 30, almost 30 years. And it was I was, he was the type of person he didn't want to know about my life, who didn't want to know about my work, who it was his, his money, his money, he paid for this, he bought this.

6:01 I always felt now, you know, I always felt that I wasn't a good enough as a partner, as a wife, as a mother. I couldn't cook properly. I couldn't clean the house properly. I didn't know what the bills were. And it wasn't my business to know what the bills were. If I was to go shopping, you know, he would check bank statements when he paid the bills, ask questions. Well, why did you spend this and why did you spend that? So, you know, I went from, I used to do commercials, I used to do boat shows.

6:49 I was very active. I did. I thought it was walking. I played but. Yeah, I'm gonna. I'm gonna. Yeah, I'm gonna cut you off. I'm sorry. You tell me if you don't want me to cut you off. OK, Go ahead. Because of my brain, my stroke survivor brain is afraid of forgetting. So you were modeling and doing both shows and all that before him or during? Before I met him, Before I met him so. I was.

7:18 Very out there, very confident. I thought I knew what I wanted and when I met him, I mean I was head over heels, head over heels in love with them. Do you know why? Do you know why you fell in love with him? Did you feel him rejected? I, I think so because he was a very strong, very strong personality.

7:50 And you know, like, yes, our marriage was bad and you know, through the years it got worse. He did cheat on me. I did find him with another woman and he did blame me. He, he did say if I, if I wasn't so negative that he wouldn't have done it. Well, I had feelings that he was doing it before we I found him and that was just a year after my dad had passed. So was I in a negative spot?

8:32 Absolutely. But I was grieving and. No kidding. No kidding. The day that I walked in on him and that other woman was the day that I lost respect for him as a man, as a husband, as a father. No kidding either. Now, I did stay 10 years after that. OK, wow, wow, wow. The OK now. So many questions are in my mind now because I can see how not only hurt you are, are you there because you're freezing a little bit.

9:18 That's why I'm here. I can see not only how hurt you are, but you know, I notice calibration. I notice when you talk about you, you're feeling the emotion and you're feeling just as nervous as you did then. And I want to make, I want to say something that's going to make you feel that much more comfortable being uncomfortable.

9:45 Yeah. The brain doesn't know. The brain doesn't know if trauma happened 5 minutes ago or 30 years ago. So your body's reaction today to what the story you just said is totally normal. You were reacting to your trauma. Yeah. So this is what I this is what we do to ourselves when we live trauma, right?

10:14 And you stayed with him 10 years after that you caught him with somebody else. So do you know why you stayed? I stayed hey, because we always think we can fix it. I can fix this, I can fix this as a wife, I can fix this. So that was my first thing. But when it came down to it, I didn't respect him. I didn't.

10:51 I looked everything about him. I looked at him differently, but I looked at my children and I looked at them as the same. And they don't need to know what I walked into. They don't need to suffer what I thought I could handle. And it wasn't, I wasn't, I just, I didn't respect him, but I respected the family unit. I respected his parents, his family, my family are friends. And to be honest, honest on that list, I didn't have the finances to go anywhere.

11:37 OK, That's because he controlled it all. He controlled. It all. So I stayed because of all those reasons. So, Lisa, what I'm hearing is that he took advantage of all, he was some sort of a narcissist and a control freak because you lost who you were before and you became, he wanted, he wanted you to dim your light and you did. And when and when you said enough. And you know what actually, I mean, he made that decision for me.

12:23 Wow. To be quite honest, he made that decision for me over the course of the time of those 10 years. It was and, and I have to take my part in that too. So I didn't trust him, I didn't respect him and you know it. It just did. My attitude was it is what it is Lisa, suck it up and just exist, OK?

12:53 OK, now I have a lot of things going in my head right now. I love that you took ownership of your behavior. You accepted it by saying it is what it is. You had a form of acceptance. It is what it is for now. For now. The kids are still young for now, I get that. So that ownership, that accountability is huge in healing.

13:23 So you were you started your inner healing, I think. Yeah, but you know, I don't think I knew I was healing. No, I like I really I didn't because it is what it is. So I was just going to exist under his roof and, and, and you know, he did make it known. He paid for the house, he built the house. And I really didn't have anything to do with it. And and I, we choose to allow somebody to do that to us. Amen.

14:02 Yes, I couldn't have said it better. So I chose to live. Why do you chose? Why do you think you chose other than the kids and the fact that financially you are not set to be on your on your own note yet was there another reason that that that might be is there? AI had no self esteem. No self esteem.

14:33 You know, I've, I really felt I was not good enough for pretty much anything. I, you know, I and, and I was an educational assistant. Well. I worked part time and I worked with behavior and I loved, loved the job, you know? And I couldn't share that with him. He didn't want to know that stuff. You know, our dinners with our children, we, we only talked about the boys.

15:12 There was times where I remember sitting on a on the couch and him in his chair and there would be no words between the two of us. None. He would be on his phone or his iPad. And I remember I would be sitting there thinking, OK, what's her name? Who's talking to? But I only went into that position and that mind state because I walked in on something that I should that a he should never have done but I should never have walked into SO.

15:51 You mean your relationship with somebody that would? Did he give you signs before the relationship? You know, yeah. You know, I always, even before the 10 years, I always felt that he was seeing other women. So you know what? And it does something when a person is put into a position where they have no confidence, no self esteem, and they're always thinking down on themselves. I remember thinking everybody around me is thinking the same thing about me as I am and I can remember there was times where I would talk the talk but really I wasn't walking the walk. So And over that 10 years, three times he had said he wanted a divorce.

16:54 OK. One time he took me to Vegas and on our way back on the airplane, he said, you know, I, I only brought you there to tell you I wanted a divorce. He wanted so that was his way of softening the blow. I'll spend money on you. I'll bring you on vacation. But why? Oh my. Yeah. And we were there seven days.

17:22 And then another time I got a text from him saying he wanted a a divorce. And I said, fine, don't come home. The kids were, I think, in their early 20s at that time, still at home, but in their early 20s. And I said fine, don't come home. And he had met my youngest son at a Tim horton's for coffee and he wanted to come home and get some things said.

17:50 Yep. And then him and I talked and he stayed. And then the last time he came home before a business trip and which he did quite a bit and he said he wanted a divorce. And at that point I was done. My go ahead is. It OK, we'll go back. I I, I I feel I feel the emotion and I see your emotion. So can't do you mind if I will come back to this?

18:25 But I have a question before him and when before doing the boat shows and the modeling, what kind of child were you? What kind of do I have to ask? Because it goes into why did you feel like you were less than him? And I'm trying to get to that, that generational trauma. Yeah, probably something carried.

18:52 I'm sorry, but I didn't apologize. Yeah, no, I, you know, like I said, I was very out there. I was, I was always on the go. I had a lot of friends, you know, I, I played baseball, I played ball hockey, rollerblade, like I was always on the go. My, my poor parents, you know, there was many times where they had to come looking for me because I like to being out there.

19:24 But when you're with somebody for 30 years, almost 30 years, and it's picked, picked, picked, picked, you're this, you're that, you know, you, you can't do this. I wish you were more like her or more like her or a businesswoman like her. And, and, and there was times where where I wasn't working and he owns his own business.

19:55 And I would say just hire me like I can't do office work because I'm not trained for that, but I can clean. I cleaned houses also so I can clean, but he'd rather hire somebody than and I would always say, you know what, what you pay me, it's going to come back to the house, It's going to come back to the family. So of.

20:17 Course. Right. But no. So at that point I just felt that I wasn't even good enough to clean his toilets, you know. So when somebody is picking up a person and picking and picking, you know, I remember when the day that I moved out and I had to stay with him for eight months. Why is he called it quits? Yes.

20:45 Wow. OK, what happened? I want to. Know well he came home said he wanted a separate divorce and at that point I was done I cried but I was done I was done and and you go through all these at least I went through all these emotions I failed I failed as a mother, I failed as a wife, I failed as a woman.

21:15 I failed. I failed because of going through what I went through. I wasn't good enough. I wasn't good enough. I didn't do. It was that heaven. It was like a slap in the face, fine from him when he said that to me and it was a slap in the face thinking you're so right, I am. I'm not good enough. I'm not good.

21:41 I'm not good enough. You start. Believing. You start believing them, you start believing them and those stories? So once you said enough, you stayed with them for eight months, you re, you regained yourself, you regained your strength and your finances. No. No, no, I was, no, it was hard. I didn't regain my strength and start really looking at my life until the day that I moved out, living there when he was gone from when he was gone to work.

22:10 I I was out and about in the house when he came home. I stayed in my bedroom. I. Opened. My bedroom. I watched TV in my bedroom. On weekends I would go South to my sister or my niece's place when I knew he was off. I would not be around very long. There's many nights where I would, if I knew he was coming home at 6:00, I would get in my car and I would drive. I would drive until 11:00 at night. And you just dreaded.

22:50 Yeah, I didn't. I didn't want to be. It was very awkward because I knew that A he was living the single life and I was still underneath that umbrella. I get it. Being a wife, being a mother, you know, being that person not good enough. So for me, it was I had, you know, that says flight or fight.

23:25 Yeah, fighter, fight fighter. Fight, yes. I flew. You flew. Yes. OK, So now, OK, I'm going to go a little forward. So you're 8 months, you're living there, you're avoiding him, you're dreading him coming home. What was what was the decide like when you moved out? Now I want to know. I mean that I'm emotionally invested in this story.

23:53 And it was not mine, it was my lawyer. OK, Lawyers got involved in that. She, I, I needed a lawyer and she said to me, and this is how naive I was, how I don't even know what the word is, how blinded I was in the marriage and what was going on. We had bank accounts and my names were on them. OK. And I knew of some bank accounts, but I didn't. I would never go in and and withdraw money. Now after saying that, there were times where the kids would ask for money for school or for social things. And what I would do is there was a store in town where you could buy something and get cash back.

24:47 So I would do that. I got caught and that didn't go well but. Everything goes well. I can't imagine it going well. OK, wow. So it was my lawyer who said to me, if you want to retain me, this is how much it's going to cost. And I said, well, I don't have any money. He has all the money. He's got all the control of it because I wasn't working. OK.

25:14 And she said if you have an account with your name on it. You have. Every right to go in and absolutely. So I did that and hired her and she got the ball rolling for myself and we got in front of a judge and he had to give me money so I could move out when I left the house. I got a little cottage on the water on the lake clear where I live and it was I remember my first day moving in. That's exactly what I'm thinking. How was your first night?

25:55 What what happened? What did you do that first night? I I probably, to be honest, I was thinking about going back. So the pain, the pain of being comfortable, not the pain of being alone and and rebuilding yourself seems so hard that you wanted to go back to your comfort zone. Because at this point, I couldn't be on my own. I didn't think I could be on my own. I didn't think I could make decisions for myself. I didn't think I could do pretty much anything for myself. So after saying that, now going back to when I met you with Tin Man, you guys were talking about rewiring your brains, yes, and learning yes and.

27:02 I think I do. And I said to you, I think, you know, I am not a stroke survivor, but I am a survivor. Very old girl. I had to rewire my brain. I had to re unconnect everything that brought me to that place of where I was to bring me to the place I am today. And that takes work. No kidding, no kidding.

27:38 What was the heart when you started feeling the first time you put you were thinking I shouldn't have left or I want to go back. But after a while you started getting comfortable, right? And and is that when your brain started to say, Hey, I can actually do this. I don't need to ask permission. You know, I think it was the so while I stayed at the cottage, a, a person that I had met said to me, you have no idea what you're capable of.

28:14 You don't, you don't see yourself the way others see you. And, and, and he was right. He said, who's protecting that little girl inside of you? I know I didn't protect her, so who's going to, you know? So I had to. He told me to look in the mirror, look in the mirror. He said you always have a conversation in your head.

28:42 Always. He said, Pete, I don't care what people say. We always talk to ourselves, whether it's out loud or it's in our head. He said go stand in front of a mirror and talk to that person in the mirror. Have a conversation, bring it up, tell. That person. And what did you tell that person? I got a long road ahead of me, but I'm going to make it.

29:09 And I grew to be that person that I was, that I know that I knew who she was. I knew who I could be. I knew everything about who I am. I knew I was because I was once that, but I had almost 30 years of cutting those cords and rebuilding, even striving for better. And that's that, that's work. That's, you know, I may not have to have gone through physiotherapy, but I had to go through therapy.

29:58 No. Did you guys, are you guys listening to this? She didn't have to go to physiotherapy, but she had to go to therapy to rebuild herself, just like stroke survivors. But you, it was internal, right? It was internal, right? And that little girl, that little Lisa, that wasn't you, right? How did you make her come out? How did you merge the little girl Lisa, with the woman Lisa? How did you merge the two?

30:30 Well, I'm still merging. You know what's like I said before with you, you know, every day like there's always going to be bump in a road. I know that and there's always going to be a mountain to climb And and I'm not through my divorce yet. As a matter of fact, we're we're we're going to trial, you know, we I still have to face him, but I can say now. So I left them.

31:04 I left in 2022, I think it was. And I can remember I was scared. I remember being scared of facing him literally shake and you know, there was never any physical, but the emotional and the scars inside that are hidden, they're the ones that are deepest. Like so I love, I love, I'm sorry, I shouldn't say this, but I love what you just said.

31:43 The scars inside are bigger than the scars on the outside because we heal on the outside, right? A bruise is going to turn green, yellow, you know, and all that. But you're inside can take many, many years. And and it's funny that you say because you have that little girl Lisa and the woman Lisa, you had to merge those two, such as stroke survivors have to merge the old or the pre stroke and the both stroke in order to reclaim themselves. And you reclaimed your your old self. And what did you do?

32:24 What did you do that you used to do? Now he's out of the picture. You're growing. You're thriving. You know what did? You say? You know, I the day that I moved out of the cottage, I moved into a home and I had to buy furniture for myself because I left the house with nothing. I left with the clothes, I left with the clothes.

32:50 I took a few pictures. I had my car, but when I moved into the home that had no furniture, everything's mine. I. Got it Feeling. It really was it. Really. Was that chill? Seriously. You know, I walked through the store with my mom and I picked my living room set, I picked my bedroom set. I bought my dishes I everything was mine.

33:35 Oh my God. I. Think it was the day that they delivered all my furniture and I remember standing in the living room and the two gentlemen were walking past me with my mattress and after walking past me, I'm looking at them and I'm going. I did that and it's a mattress. It's a mattress. And for some people, they're going to like, they think it's a mattress.

34:08 I did that. I did that. I didn't have to ask. I didn't have to say what do you think? I didn't have to. I just did it and it was a mattress like. Chills. I'm not kidding, Lisa. I have chills. You know it it, but it was mine. It was my mattress. I've cried many times. I've cried. You know it's I love who I am and I know. Did our marriage fail?

34:51 Yes. Was it a nasty marriage? Absolutely. But I take ownership in how I how the last 10 years were, you know, but I was put in that position. I was put in the fact where now I don't trust you, now I don't believe you, now you've lied to me. It's you know what, I'm so happy he's out of the picture and I get to know the strong ass boss ass little lady that you are. And I mean, it's like, like we know where you were and where you are and, and and and I mean, I know it's a work in progress, but I can see from you explain the story in pieces how much you have grown.

35:48 What are you most proud of in yourself? In myself, what am I most proud of is the fact that if there's something, and I do have these days, there's something that will come up and I'll think, oh, I'm not sure if I can do that, but I'm going to try. Oh, now you dare to try? And you know what, I you know, we've met on TikTok.

36:19 I don't back down from challenges. No. Challenge me to do something, I'll try my darndest to do it. And if I can't do it, if it's something that can't be done, you know, I, I will call for help from my brother and my boys. How are the boys? How are the boys? The boys are good. I think the family still worries about me mentally. Oh, OK.

36:54 I'm wondering where I'm really at. You know, my sister once, my younger sister once said to me, you're not the person I know. I knew you used to go out and and it broke my heart because she said I looked up to you. You used to go out and you would do whatever. You would face something and just go and now you don't.

37:23 And that's when I was in the. Marriage when I was. In my no when I was in the marriage. Oh yes, go, go. And now what did she say? Did she say? Did they say we had a? Really good talk today, this morning. And we were talking about, you know, my life. And she says, you know, I still worry about you.

37:46 And I said, yeah, but you have to let me make my mistakes. And I will make mistakes, but they're my mistakes. They're mine. And I have to learn from my mistakes. So, you know it. It was a struggle to get to where I'm at, but it that gentleman who told me to look in the mirror and talk to her and bring it out, Bring it out from inside and in your head, put it out there in front of the mirror with that person.

38:26 It sounds strange and I felt weird doing it but it really it helped along with therapy. I think you're answering the question before I even ask. What would you tell someone that is starting over their lives starting like you, you, you started your life again. You reclaimed you that girl and you know that girl that used to model that girl that played baseball and now on TikTok all you talk about is baseball.

38:59 You want to make a league, you want to make a league and that's. You know, everybody's different, we're all different, we all go through our traumas differently and we have to know or find who we are and what works for us. You know. I, like I said, I did go to therapy and I had two therapists, but I always found that I wasn't meshing with the therapists.

39:40 One therapist kept bringing up what I wanted to heal from. And I finally said to her, why are you bringing up all the dirt that I'm trying to heal from when I should be figuring out how to heal from the dirt you're putting in my face every time I come here. You're not giving me. I hate the word tools, but you're not giving me the tools to move forward. You're just bringing it up and you're making me talk about it again.

40:14 And like I said, I I want to leave it in my past. Yes, it doesn't define who I am. I went through it, but I'm not that person. She's gone. I want to be somebody else. Amen. Right. Yes, who you were is gone now we're moving forward, we're moving forward. So the message I'm hearing is just move forward and don't look behind. So that therapist is out the window. She.

40:51 She's out the. Window. And what about your second therapist? My second therapy, she was good. We, we turned out to be more like friends, you know? You know, and, and it's like she says, once you get to the core of what you went through and the core of where you're hurting, you can start digging and bringing it up piece by piece and letting it all out.

41:22 It doesn't take overnight. It doesn't take a month. It doesn't take a year. Nope, she said. It's a lifetime. Yep. And once I heard that, I just remember driving home thinking I got a lot of work to do. And you know what? It's OK. It's OK because I feel better than I did last week. I know I'm better than I was.

41:54 A year ago even, you see more self assured than when I first met you, when you look self assured, when I met you already. That's what I love, that's what I fell in love with, you know, And now you're taking your place and that's that. Yeah, I, I think we have to. But again, it's like I said, we're all different and we all feel different.

42:17 And to say that this works for this person and this person that's going to work for you. No, it's not, you know, physiotherapy like you and Tim, men were talking, you know, that's your that Yeah, that works for everybody because it's the same. It's arms. You're working your arms, you're working your legs.

42:38 That's yes, that's the same. But when it comes to a person's mind and a person's soul, that's different in my. Eyes, I love it. You, you, you, we can, we can see the growth. I can see the growth in you just buy the vocabulary and the words you use and all that. And and yeah, and again, I could see the difference from the way you were talking about your story versus the way you're talking about your growth. You're using different tonalities and different vocabulary, so good on you.

43:18 Excellent. So I guess are you, are you a big advocate on mental work, on single therapist 'cause? I you know, again, I think if it works for some, it may not work for all everybody. And I'm not saying that therapy is, is not a good thing because it is, you know, getting it out, just talking about it is, is amazing.

43:54 You're, you're getting it out. After the two therapists, I found that it was clinical, it was by the book. And I was the type I am the type of person I like to have emotions. I like to feel that emotion. And I wasn't getting it from the therapists. OK, you. Had to get it from you. Right. And I knew if I got if I went to my family, there are only one side.

44:33 They're they're they're behind me. So I was going to hear things that they would want me to hear and I didn't want to hear that, no. And I started TikTok. Yeah. And a was a challenge to start first. My son's my son's ex-girlfriend was out there dancing on TikTok. And I'm, I remember walking out thinking, what are you doing?

45:05 OK, she explained. So she explained TikTok and I said oh maybe I'll do TikTok but I'm going to do it differently than you. And she said you can't do TikTok you're too old. I just thought challenge on, but I said to her. Bring it on, girl. Right, I'm going to do it differently. And if you see my posts, I'm just sharing music because music was my therapy. So you found what worked for you? I love it because I love it.

45:51 Love it. I'm going to stop you 2 1/2 seconds. OK, so I love it. What would you tell a stroke survivor? OK, because now you know a few of us. What would you tell a stroke survivor that feels uncomfortable but want to go on social media? Just stroke the survivor. Do it. And you know what? For me, you don't have confidence. You know what?

46:18 You can go on TikTok like I did in the beginning, and I just scrolled and I scrolled. And then I saw that there were men, women my age doing things. So I remember thinking music was the thing that helped me. It got me out of my head. It kept me from going to a dark place. And deep in my thoughts were I would go back to the feelings of when I was in the marriage and I couldn't be or couldn't do.

46:56 And I'm going to share music. I'm going to share music that would make a memory come back, a good memory. I'm going to share music that will put a smile on a face. I'm going to share music that will make somebody think of their dad, their mom, their their kids. I'm just going to put up music. And I didn't want people to think that they were alone. No matter what you're going through, you're not alone. There is going to be someone somewhere who's not clinical, who's not a family member, who's going to listen to you and allow you to bring whatever's deep inside out. And that's why I started doing my lives. I wanted people to come in to a safe place. Can you give us your your tab?

48:00 Because if I have, I'm going to post it if it's OK your your TikTok, TikTok address. But what is it again by heart? I don't know by heart. It's Lisa Johnston. LESA Johnston, 289. 289 perfect and yeah, I love that's exactly so your mission is accomplished on my side because whenever I go on your page and I see the songs and you just really like you're just in your memory and in your feelings and I I love it because then it brings us there was one of your videos is Tweedle little tweedle, little tweedle I I had a song in my head all day long.

48:51 You see I'm not kidding. So absolutely, yeah. I love it. Love it, love it, love it. So listen, there's is there something that that we didn't talk about, something that you want to talk last thing to the audience? You know, if there's one thing I can say, you know, life's not fair. And I believe that we were put on this earth to learn things coming through our path. Things disrupt our path, put cracks in our path, but there's a reason for it.

49:45 And if we put the work in and if we're true to ourselves and, and we do what we have to do, we get past those cracks. You know, my grandmother always said the sun will come up tomorrow and. No matter. No matter how bad today is, the sun will come up tomorrow and I've met a lot of people through my live on TikTok and I know how it feels to be lonely. I know how it feels to feel worthless. I know what it feels like to think you're not good enough for anybody.

50:36 But you are and you will be even better. And you just have to let that light shine, find that light. It might be buried, it might be down there, but you got to disconnect all those wires in your brain that put that light, dimmed that light to bring that light back up. What a beautiful final word. What a powerful final word sentence. Thank.

51:07 You. Thank you. Guys, you know what, leave a comment if you would like Lisa Johnston to come back and see us and tell us where she's at and she doesn't even know this. I'm putting her on the on the spot right now. This has been today's show on stroke Surviving the odds. I want to thank Lisa for bringing so much insight on how emotions work when we're healing and how she got back to herself and how you can get back to yourself. So thank you very much for that and love you guys and I will see you very soon.