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The Horror Virgin

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  1. 425 - Predators

    “They signed the waivers. Guys, I think we’re in the clear.” This week's scariest movie is... Predators. This film has everything: chaos-goblin fight energy, thumb-biting mandible math, And body-trap upgrades. If you love Amazon-warehouse p

  2. 424 - Clue

    “If you were a singing telegram giving this much, you’ll be promoted to manager immediately.” This week’s scariest movie is... Clue. This film has everything: Mandela endings, dog-shit shoe checks, And body drops that only gets higher as th

  3. 423 - Strange Harvest

    “Don’t you want to be friends with Terry Apple?” This week’s scariest movie is... Strange Harvest. This film has everything: bargain-bin Mario Kart Characters, Dunder Mifflin homicide energy, And aggressively unnecessary voice distortion. I

  4. 422 - Critters

    “You don’t eat critter veal, you monster.” This week’s scariest movie is... Critters. This film has everything: plot-farming dads, after-hours church, And cozy Baron Harkonnen cosplay. If you love Johnny Steel world domination, interstellar

  5. 421 - Snakes on a Plane

    “I can’t believe I’m about to say this. It’s a genius plan.” This week’s scariest movie is... Snakes on a Plane. This film has everything: Mouth razors, reheated snake leftovers, and a sequel pitch that’s destined to make some $$$. If you l

  6. 420 - The Final Destination

    “Who produced this? The mob." This week’s scariest movie is... The Final Destination (2009). This film has everything: Hubcapped halved hillbillies, 4th floor hot tubs, and struggling to pay attention when someone is trauma dumping. If you

  7. 419 - 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple

    “This is like, if Ron Hubbard walked outside to an alien abduction" This week’s scariest movie is... 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple. This film has everything: Wine Drunk Confessions, a clinical injection of Duran Duran, And a midnight appo

  8. 418 - Scary Movie 2

    “Apparently a bunch of people make cock and ball necklaces now” This week’s scariest movie is... Scary Movie 2. This film has everything: A horny ghost hookup, dirty talk confessions, And Tori Spelling just GETTING IT from a ghost. If you l

  9. 417 - Friday the 13th (Revisited)

    "Dying under Kevin Bacon. There's got to be worse ways to go." This week’s scariest movie is... Friday the 13th. This film has everything: kitchen mugs getting burned, pregnant Purple mattresses, And Monopoly played in real time. If you lov

  10. 416 - Him

    “He has the trigger discipline of someone who only got a $50,000 signing bonus" This week’s scariest movie is... Him. This film has everything: NFL-wife Gwyneth Paltrow energy, Poop Math, And a football movie that isn't for people that like

  11. 415 - Tales from the Hood

    "It's like pre grave robbing. It's all the grave robbing. But no diggity" This week’s scariest movie is... Tales from the Hood. This film has everything: a Ded Talk, tiny little footsteps, And a drug dealer who won’t stop telling stories wh

  12. 414 - The Long Walk (2025)

    "I think you and I would get hosed down trying to walk up that fucking hill." This week’s scariest movie is... The Long Walk. This film has everything: Stebbins sneezes, out of context Spotify comments, And dropping duces at 3 MPH. If you l

  13. 413 - 28 Years Later

    All you have to do is provide 90s rapper level bling and food." This week's scariest movie is... 28 Years Later. This film has everything: Edgar Allan Poe boys, the freshest skulls you'll ever see, And how one famous podcast sees himself. I

  14. 412 - Bring Her Back

    “I just wish it wasn’t the grapefruit method" This week's scariest movie is... Bring Her Back. This film has everything: a sexy and shirtless Jesus digging up the dead, a 10 year old that can't stop biting things, and just enough rules for

  15. 411 - Good Boy

    "We named the dog Indy." This week's scariest movie is... Good Boy. This film has everything: Pausing for paws. WW1 pilots. And playing fetch till your arm falls off. If you love kibble noodle soup energy, top-billed dogs, and serious Coura

  16. 410 - The Conjuring: Last Rites

    "Worst. Criss. Angel. Magic trick. Ever." This week's scariest movie is... The Conjuring Last Rites. This film has everything: Egg Whites. Science Romeos. And Realty recommendations that you should not take. If you love Shakespeare-in-a-too

  17. 409 - Krampus (2015)

    "Keep our hot cocoa hot and our ankles unclaimed." The Horror Virgin: This week's scariest movie is... Krampus. This film has everything: Snow Huluds,. Mouths agape, and proof the cocaine must just be amazing. If you love snowy nonsense wor

  18. 408 - Hot Fuzz

    “Olivia Colman, calm down.” This week's scariest movie is... Hot Fuzz. This film has everything: Ocular patdowns. A loose swan. And a the most charming bond to walk the earth. If you love buddy-cop bromance, murder-murder-murder chants, and

  19. 407 - The Black Phone 2

    “Camp becomes like a frozen purgatorial church retreat.” This week’s scariest movie is… The Black Phone 2. This film has everything: the real Miracle on Ice, Tommy Tutone, and yet another franchise trapping a killer in a camp's lake, If you

  20. 406 - Frankenstein

    “You got ghosts in your blood, take cocaine about it.” This week’s scariest movie is… Frankenstein. This film has everything: A 7-foot Adonis Smurf, a classic “He said/He Said,” and an episode that goes deep on the kind of nerds our hosts a

  21. 405 - Sleepy Hollow

    “I hereby sentence you to adventure.” This week’s fog-soaked headless whodunit is... Sleepy Hollow (1999). This film has everything: CSI:1799. Turn in your wood badge and your musket. And The Strangest place to find a dead pigeon. If you lo

  22. 404 - Thanksgiving

    “this is I Know What You Did Last Summer, but with Turkey.” This week’s most carved-up holiday horror movie is... Thanksgiving (With Special Guest Joe Kay!!!!). This film has everything: New holiday traditions. A head smashed Gershon. And a

  23. 403 - Blood Quantum

    “He’s hanging by his junk... his stomach junk, not his testicle junk.” This week’s grimiest outbreak horror movie is... Blood Quantum. This film has everything: a bridge-top poop drop, an undead Big Mouth Billy Bass, the best name for a str

  24. 402 - Thankskilling

    “It was the best of tits. It was the worst of tits.” This week’s most insane horror movie is... ThanksKilling. This film has everything: savory flavored condoms, Terrible depictions of the faceblind, And a closing tag line only Samuel Jacks

  25. 401 - Crimson Peak (RTP Episode)

    Happy Halloween HV Fam!!! Since a lot of you have been asking for this episode, we thought it might be nice for you all to hear our thoughts on Crimson Peak!!! -Todd “He’s the worst ophthalmologist ever, he never saw any of this coming.” Th

  26. 400 - Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers

    “Tommy Doyle could have just gone to therapy, but we’re glad he didn’t.” This week’s scariest horror movie is... Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers. This film has everything: children wielding knives, planets slowly coming into alignment

  27. 399 - Alien 3

    “It’s like an angsty teenager blew up because it was forced to shower.” This week’s scariest listener request movie is... Alien 3. This film has everything: A soon to be star director getting screwed by the studio, An unsexy prison monk sce

  28. 398 - Wes Craven’s New Nightmare

    “You might say those two guys have a hand job.” This week’s scariest meta movie is... Wes Craven’s New Nightmare. This film has everything: a murderous Thing hand, terrible sex toy suggestions, And the craziest Mangione theory you’ve ever h

  29. 397 - Exorcist II: The Heretic

    “I don’t remember A Bug’s Life having this much religion in it.” This week’s scariest horror movie is... Exorcist II: The Heretic. This film has everything: a locust DJ, a shaman/scientist in a lab coat. a vibe that is way to much star wars

  30. 396 - Weapons

    “All I saw was a feel-good film about an aunt who loved her nephew so much she’d stop at nothing to plan a sleepover for him.” This week’s most chaotic PTA-nightmare horror movie is... Weapons. This film has everything: heat-seeking childre

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