Sex Unlocked: Caught in the act & other sex confessions

0:00 Let's talk about sex, baby. Hello, my little sex pots. Welcome back to our podcast, Sex Unlocked.

0:07 Hello, Sally Carson.

0:09 Hello. How are we doing?

0:10 How are you doing? Are you in the bed?

0:12 Yeah, I haven't been able.

0:13 To get out of my bed for like three days.

0:15 Wait, why? I don't know.

0:16 I had a really big weekend.

0:18 Of course you did.

0:19 I know. I am someone that has to like be around people and I just have not had a social battery.

0:27 It's very weird. I feel very off.

0:29 Because you haven't really seen anybody?

0:30 I mean, I had the opportunity to see people. I just said no, which is very not like me. Like you could just be like, hey, let's go grab a cocktail and I'm like ready to go.

0:39 I feel like you've been on for the past like 400 years though. So maybe this is your moment to like kind of regroup, recharge, listen to your body.

0:49 I think I'm just getting old.

0:50 Getting old.

0:51 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

0:52 That happens.

0:53 I feel old.

0:54 That happens.

0:56 But I'm going out.

0:58 I'm going out tonight.

0:59 Good.

1:00 Yes.

1:02 Where are we going? What are we doing? Who are we seeing?

1:04 I'm going to meet Madison for drinks with a cute little friend of hers that I've followed on Instagram for years.

1:10 And I'm so excited.

1:10 Is it a girl or a boy?

1:11 A girl.

1:12 A girl.

1:13 Oh, cute little girls night.

1:15 Yes, I'm so excited.

1:16 And I've been following this girl like before I was on The Bachelor.

1:19 Was she on The Bachelor?

1:21 No, she's just like, she's just like a cute little influencer that like shows her style and stuff. I think she lives in Nashville, but I think she like wants to move here.

1:31 She's super cute. She's like a cute kitty.

1:33 Oh, she's so cute.

1:35 I know, she's adorable.

1:36 Oh, she's got like a little Hayden Panettiere vibe.

1:39 She does.

1:40 I love that.

1:42 All right, P.

1:43 I have to tell you.

1:44 What?

1:45 My mom and my brother asked me, they're like, since you begin doing what it is you do this week, we're thinking of taking Sosa to the desert. And we'll just like check on the house since we probably won't be able to make it to Palm Springs before the holiday, which is where we spend our holiday is in the desert.

2:06 And I was like, that sounds great. Squatty potty hits me up and he's like, Hey, I'm coming into town. I texted him yesterday. I was like, Hey, have you decided where you're staying? He said, you're not going to like my answer. I was like, what does that mean? I thought he was going to hit me with the, I'm not coming because now it's perfect. I'm like, Oh, I got a house to myself. I get to veg out.

2:22 He was like, I haven't booked where I'm staying. I said, My family is gone, which is so funny to say. It's like, this is my house, but I feel like I'm in high school being like, mom's at a town party.

2:35 That's so funny.

2:37 So I was like, the fam's gone. And so he's, he's going to stay here this weekend. But my friend was telling me that she's having a weekend with her husband. And obviously she has two little kids and wants to have like pounded out chicken sexy time. So she told me about these chocolate bars called they're by Alice. She was like, I take the sleepy time ones.

3:06 You get them at air one.

3:07 So obviously they're going to be like $ 400. I'm sure not really, but she was like the sleepy time ones work so well that the arousal ones are going to have to be money. So when I saw it, it said mushroom. And I was like, I can't take that. She was like, no, it's not actual. Like mushrooms where you're gonna have like what is that a trip on that yeah go into like a psychological i don't know no i don't i can't do mushrooms yeah you got to be careful they can turn on you very quickly yeah but it's a functional dark chocolate infused with adaptogens and herbs designed to boost libido arousal and sexual wellness it says to take three if you want to have like buck wild time so obviously i'm taking.

3:50 Four wait it says how many to take Yeah, if.

3:55 You like how many squares to take.

3:58 Does it say one gets you here, two gets you here?

4:00 Yeah, like one keeps you on like the path of just like consistency.

4:06 Yeah.

4:07 Three gets you buck wild, apparently.

4:12 So I'm going to because three is going to leave me with a weird shaped chocolate bar.

4:17 So I've got to take four.

4:18 You have to take four.

4:20 Because my OCD will not allow the chocolate bar to look that way.

4:24 I need to hear about this after you take it.

4:26 No, I really, I fucking can't wait. I'm so excited, but I'm trying to find what's actually in it. I had it here and now, oh, here it is. Have you heard of horny goat weed?

4:39 Horny goat weed?

4:40 Yeah, it says it includes ashwagandha, maca root, horny goat weed.

4:46 What is horny goat weed? I'm asking because that's crazy. I've never heard of anything like that.

4:53 I haven't either, but I'm very excited. I'm so excited to try it.

4:59 That's exciting.

5:01 It's so exciting.

5:02 He's going to, I'm seriously thinking he's going to be scared of you because you're already horny as it is.

5:06 Yeah.

5:07 Now I'm ready to go though.

5:08 He's looking for, he's looking for like 2011 Lala and I'm about to be 2011 Lala.

5:14 That is for sure.

5:17 Horny goat weed is an herbal supplement that's marketed mainly for libido and sexual function. Wow.

5:26 It says eat one piece.

5:28 30 minutes before sexual activity, but on the actual box, which I do not have because she only gave me one pack.

5:36 Yeah.

5:37 But if it works, you can get them on Amazon. I was like, Oh, I'll be at the grocery store.

5:41 You said, right? Yeah.

5:43 Do you guys have air one?

5:45 No, but I've been to one.

5:46 It's like whatever.

5:47 Right?

5:48 No, I liked it.

5:49 Oh, you did?

5:49 Yeah.

5:50 Food in there.

5:50 There's like a whole frigging. Oh no.

5:52 Everything's fantastic. Everything's just like very expensive. It's like $ 22 for a smoothie.

5:58 I'm a good old Harris Teeter girl because they got the they got the bar in the Harris Teeter.

6:03 You can walk around with your wine. What is that?

6:06 A grocery store?

6:07 Yeah.

6:08 That sounds fun.

6:09 You don't have that?

6:11 What's it called? Teeterboro?

6:15 Harris Teeter.

6:17 Harris Teeter?

6:18 No.

6:18 Harris.

6:18 H-A-R-R-I-S.

6:19 No.

6:20 Or Publix?

6:21 Publix.

6:23 Love a Publix. Publix with an X.

6:25 Yeah.

6:25 They've got great baked goods.

6:27 They've got good meat too.

6:30 They have the meat. You know, I love the meat. So that's what my weekend is about to entail.

6:40 I'm so excited for you. I know.

6:42 I'm kind of excited for me too. And I got a lymphatic massage. So if he chooses to fuck me squatty potty position, I feel like I'm going to be fine.

6:50 How do you, did they do your stomach?

6:52 Yes.

6:53 How do you feel afterwards?

6:55 Rough. It's a lot.

6:57 I got one before leaving for Tulum. I was throwing up all night.

7:01 Oh, I don't think that's no, I didn't feel like I was going to throw up. It just felt painful because of how she was like pushing and moving everything.

7:08 Oh, I was like cramping. I guess I have a lot of toxins, you know, but.

7:14 She also said that I carry, she was like, you carry a lot of stress in your gut. So I wonder if that's what it could have been too.

7:19 Yeah.

7:20 Can I ask you a question? That's like, are you, are you, why am I even asking you if I can ask this? The girl who talks about shitting on a plane. Are you regular? Like when you're not traveling, I know you had to take all of those laxatives.

7:37 Yeah.

7:38 Like when you're at home base, are you regular?

7:41 Yeah, I'm pretty regular.

7:42 That's so weird that you would be throwing up after that then.

7:46 I know, but it was like massive cramps. Like I felt like someone was inside of me trying to get.

7:51 Out with like a knife. I'm like the most horrible pain I've ever felt. So I've never gotten another one.

7:57 How many days before that happened?

8:00 Did you get the massage, the lymphatic massage? One, one day.

8:04 And did you go to Tulum and then drink?

8:06 Were you drinking?

8:08 No, no.

8:08 Like it was that night.

8:09 Like I had it in the morning and that night I was up all night, like throwing up, cramping.

8:13 After the massage then, did you have alcohol?

8:17 No.

8:18 That's so weird.

8:19 I know. I've been so terrified to get another one. So now I just do my face when I go. Yeah.

8:26 I don't ever want to feel that way again.

8:28 Maybe try a different girl. When I say like it hurt, I, it's not like I couldn't get off the toilet. I wasn't vomiting. It was just like someone clearly pushed on my stomach hard.

8:39 Yeah. Yeah.

8:41 Well, I love the way my stomach looked after though.

8:44 I had a stomach like you.

8:46 I'm going to Miami this weekend. We've got big weekends ahead of us.

8:51 We do. Mine involves staying put. And you're hopping on a plane. Your status has got to be wild. Do you always fly a certain airline?

9:01 Delta. It really isn't that good because I just started traveling.

9:05 Yeah, I'm going to Miami for a girls weekend. 12 girls.

9:08 Oh my gosh, this is so fun.

9:10 So excited. I texted the guy that I shit myself next to.

9:15 Did he reply?

9:15 Yeah, he's getting us hotel rooms.

9:19 Oh, love it.

9:20 I know.

9:21 I'm like, have you still not heard my podcast? Maybe he's into it.

9:25 I don't know.

9:26 That's the best though, is when you find men who are like, so not in this world at all. And then we can talk about on the podcast and they're not even going to know. Yeah.

9:35 I love it.

9:36 No fucking idea.

9:37 Yeah.

9:38 So I'm excited.

9:40 I'm excited for you.

9:42 Yesterday after I worked out, I went and got a juice with Amber and there was this guy who was clearly delivering a package to one of the businesses and he was so fucking hot, Sally.

9:53 I just about died.

9:54 A delivery man.

9:56 Sure.

9:56 I didn't know whatever i don't care we know we don't discriminate over here like whatever i got delivery.

10:04 Man mall man yeah i.

10:06 Don't care where you work that's when they're the hottest.

10:09 You know what i see a man with a fucking job and that's good enough for.

10:13 Me that is so true that is you know i don't care yeah You're working hard and you're delivering packages.

10:20 You're getting people their stuff safely.

10:22 Yeah.

10:22 I appreciate that because I have been on the receiving end of someone not caring if I get my package. So when I see you out here looking fine as hell, walking into a business and delivering their package safely.

10:38 Sexy.

10:39 Sexy.

10:40 So I was like, he is fine. Amber is like, we need to get His number for you. So she fucking, and we were on 10, right? We had just gone to the gym, trained by also a sexy man. She's fucking hauling to get to this delivery guy. So we've been talking. He lives a little bit far away, but I'm okay with that because I got a car.

11:03 Wait, how is he? Oh, like, like, but he still lives there. He lives in LA.

11:07 Yes.

11:08 Which is rare for me. But you know what happens sometimes?

11:12 Tell me.

11:14 You see a man that's delivering a package or you see a bartender or you see someone else doing something like that, a job like that. And you're like, oh, my God, they're so sexy. But then you take them away from behind the bar and you see them out in the wild. They're not as sexy.

11:31 Yeah, but babe, he was pretty much in the wild. I mean, he was wearing completely normal clothes.

11:35 Oh, he was?

11:36 Yeah. Wait, why was he wearing normal clothes?

11:39 I don't know. I didn't read too much into it because look at him in this photo. I don't know why this one turns me on so much.

11:46 He's like yelling. We can't obviously look at him yell at whoever he's yelling at.

11:51 Okay, wait. He is hot.

11:53 He's so hot.

11:55 He's yelling at football players.

11:58 Yeah, but they're like little kids. So I'm sure it's like... But look at that little face tattoo.

12:04 Oh, fuck yeah. What does that say?

12:07 Yeah.

12:08 I don't know. I'm about to find out though.

12:11 Yeah.

12:12 Yeah.

12:13 After I take my, my four Alice happy ending chocolates, I'm about to know what's on his face.

12:22 So will my vagina.

12:23 Do you ever wonder what he's thinking?

12:27 No, I never think about what they're thinking.

12:29 Like, holy shit. Lala is texting me. That's what I mean though. I think he's like, I don't know who is this girl. He probably thinks I'm just, Like an influencer.

12:39 Out in the wild.

12:40 You what?

12:41 You don't think he's looked you up?

12:45 I'm sure he has now, but I don't think.

12:47 Yeah. Who knows?

12:49 I don't, I don't think like that.

12:51 Yeah.

12:52 Like a lot of people ask me like my, my sperm donor. They're like, can you imagine this guy's just like out in these streets, not even realizing that his sperm. Went to you and I was like, I don't know.

13:08 He doesn't know.

13:09 He has no idea.

13:10 He knows that his sperm went somewhere because it's off of the page. He has no idea who it went to. He has no idea that he just helped create one of the most gorgeous humans.

13:22 She's so cute.

13:23 She's so fucking cute.

13:24 Do you think she would ever grow up and wonder who that is that gave you the sperm?

13:32 She might. When she's 18, she's allowed to go find him.

13:35 Yeah.

13:36 Yeah, they have like where he is. Yeah, the cryobank where I got the goods. Yeah, she can find him if she wants to.

13:44 I'm surprised like the guys don't like sign something that's like they can never come to me or find me.

13:49 I bet there are men who do.

13:51 Yeah.

13:54 Can you imagine selling all your sperm? It's like that movie, The Delivery Man. Isn't that what the.

13:59 He has like 500 kids because he sold all his sperm.

14:02 Yeah. By the way, though, that guy was doing highly illegal shit. And when I chose to get a sperm donor and I was fully pregnant, there were so many people that are like, oh my gosh, you got pregnant with a sperm donor. Have you seen that documentary about that doctor who inseminated like a thousand women with his own sperm?

14:19 And I was like, why are you telling me this?

14:24 Yeah.

14:28 Read the room.

14:29 Yeah.

14:30 I don't want.

14:31 To know that right now.

14:32 I'm like, Six months pregnant.

14:34 Like we're here. We did it. There's nothing I can do about this.

14:37 You're full blown having a baby.

14:39 Yeah, for real.

14:41 All right. We have questions and I'm actually hyped on this.

14:44 Do you still want another baby right now?

14:47 No.

14:47 After dealing with Ocean for the past week, getting emails from the school being like, your child will come home with a folder. It needs to come back every single day to school. This was last Monday. It's been almost two weeks. And I'm like, what folder is this?

15:03 I don't know.

15:04 So I hunt through her room. She's added it to her play stuff, her office play stuff. So I had to tell her today, Ocean, this backpack that I'm sending you to school with is not to fill with toys. It's not to bring home and play with all this stuff and pretend like you're a teacher.

15:22 This is real life now, girl. You're in kindergarten.

15:26 You're in kindergarten.

15:27 This is real life, bitch.

15:30 This fucking folder with the American flag on it that you colored, which is very weird.

15:38 USA.

15:39 We love.

15:41 You.

15:42 I used to pack my book bag with like 10 pacifiers and go over there and like suck them in the corner and hide it. Cause I was embarrassed that I still sucked pacifiers.

15:51 How old were you?

15:52 Um, can I run?

15:54 You're lucky you don't have a binky mouth, babe.

15:57 Uh, yeah. What is that?

15:59 Kids who suck on binkies for too long. Their mouths get weird. And you can tell. Even someone who is grown as fuck, you're like, ah, you sucked a binky too long when you were a baby.

16:11 Yeah, you don't have it at all.

16:13 I'm going to look that up when we get off of here. I just got an insane text. I have to share it.

16:27 Oh, love it.

16:28 Share.

16:29 From ghost.

16:30 Ooh. Last week he calls me and he was like, but I just got a random phone call and I answered it. And it's my ex-girlfriend who like did him dirty. Like he, whatever. And she's like basically threatening him, threatening me. Like she was like, I know who your girl is, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like stay away from my man, all this stuff. He just, and he was like, she knows where I am. So like, I'm scared that she's going to show up. She said on the phone that she was going to show up or whatever. And I was like, I'm sure she won't show up. She doesn't know what apartment you're in or wherever you are. He just texted me.

17:06 Good morning. I hope you woke up feeling better. I didn't. This fucking girl showed up.

17:11 Woke up to her banging on my door at 8.30 this morning. His ex-girlfriend flew all the way across the country to go and show up on a front doorstep.

17:18 She 100% listens to the podcast, I bet.

17:20 That's how she knows.

17:21 Well, great.

17:21 She called him and she was like, you don't think I know that you're a ghost? Apparently she looks like a version of like alex earl or something she's hot.

17:31 But yeah well he's hot wait this makes me nervous dude me too especially i.

17:39 Said what the fuck did you let her in i literally just got this like i was wondering why i always wake up to a facetime.

17:44 Call from him.

17:46 Always oh and you didn't today i didn't today oh my god i have a pit in my stomach for you that is the worst Yeah.

17:54 Cause I was like, do you still love her? Or like, cause he was like in love with her and she cheated on him. And I was like, do you still have feelings for her?

18:01 Like, so that's why it ended was because.

18:03 He, she cheated.

18:04 Yeah. Like he left her and he was like, I mean, I loved her, but like, no, like I'm in love with you. I don't want anyone else. Like he was like, and even then you're not in love with me. I'm in love with you. I don't want, I don't want to be with her. I don't know, but that freaks me out.

18:18 And guess what? I'm toxic. So it makes me want to more.

18:22 Can I tell you, When I start seeing a dude, let's just say like the circumstances are a little wonky. I have to literally sit there and say, okay, if this were to come out, are you prepared for the consequences?

18:35 Yeah.

18:36 And if the answer is no, I know that I can no longer see that person anymore.

18:41 Yeah.

18:42 I mean, he doesn't always, you cannot keep things a secret.

18:45 You just can't. It's very hard in this day and age with all the social media and people, you know, playing fucking detective, all these sleuths.

18:54 You will always get found out at some point.

18:56 Yeah.

18:57 You're telling me. I have a fat mouth. I can't believe it's not already out.

19:00 It's only been a few months. You got to keep us updated on that. Is she still there?

19:04 Yeah.

19:05 I mean, that text I got.

19:07 She's still there?

19:07 That text I got at noon. 12.

19:11 You must text him. You must text him and say, is she still there?

19:15 I literally just said, what the fuck did you let her in?

19:18 Babe, if that woman is still there, they fucked.

19:21 I mean, clearly if he's not answering me, they're definitely like talking.

19:25 All right, let's get into our questions. So there's this woman. I'm a freshly 20 year old girl and I feel like I've already experienced pretty much everything sexually. I've been very sexually active since I turned 18. Okay, so a couple of years. I always knew I would like sex because I started humping pillows at 12. Also got my first orgasm at 12, which is... is insane to me because anyway do you have any but anyway do you have any advice on how to lower my sex drive thank you I love y'all I think this sounds like an addiction I have no idea how to lower your sex drive let me tell you this girl's only 20 that is so fucking young when I was 18 I was a Jack rabbit. We would go and buy the packs of condoms that come in. Like, I think at

20:16 seven 11, we would get a pack of Trojans and it was maybe like seven.

20:22 In the thing.

20:23 And you would think like, okay, this will last us like two, three days. They would be gone that night. Cause it was just like, we were.

20:34 Like little Jack rabbits.

20:36 Complete opposite.

20:38 When you were younger.

20:38 Yeah.

20:40 Like I, I was a late bloomer.

20:43 That's fine.

20:43 I also had boyfriends.

20:47 This was my high school sweetheart that we, that I wasn't like the guy that I, the first guy I ever slept with at 17 ended up being my boyfriend until I turned 20.

20:57 Okay.

20:57 Y'all were just fucking a lot.

21:00 We were fucking a lot.

21:01 Yeah. Yeah.

21:02 And then we would have like later on when he graduated and went to college and I was still like in Salt Lake. I would be sleeping with other dudes. And so I started getting, you know, like when you start fucking and you're like, oh, I feel comfortable. I should be sharing this with the world.

21:18 That's how I got.

21:19 Um, so I don't know if this is like anything to worry about having your first orgasm at 12.

21:26 That was fucking crazy.

21:28 I didn't even know what that was. Not at all.

21:31 I think I was still, that's the sixth grade. I think I was still playing with like dolls.

21:34 Yeah. Yeah. Same.

21:37 How do you.

21:37 I wonder if Chad knows how to lower your sex drive.

21:41 How to lower.

21:42 I'll tell you how.

21:43 You watch the porn that I watched the other night that I was scarred from with the woman getting fisted in her butt.

21:50 No, that's insane.

21:52 That you will go fully dry like the Sahara. You won't need anything.

21:56 Yeah, Google that because I have no idea. But I feel like this could spiral out of control. Like you definitely need to monitor how much porn you're consuming.

22:04 For sure. It just says to stay like physically active, not sex wise.

22:09 So like go for a jog, babe.

22:11 Yeah. Go for a jog. Keep busy. Get sleep and limit your alcohol or drug use.

22:17 Masturbation can also temporarily reduce sexual tension for some people, but that can easily become an addiction too.

22:25 So that's all I got. Go for a run.

22:35 Hi, Lala and Sally.

22:36 I've been married for almost seven years and my husband won't go down on me.

22:39 Sad face emoji.

22:40 No, I've ever had her from head. The last time I brought it up for him to do it. It's like he's offended that I ask and he says it's unsanitary, but it's my juices. Yet he wants me to give him head. but he won't give it to me, which I haven't given him a BJ in months because if he's not giving me any, sure as fuck I'm not giving it back. It makes me miss my best guy friend who always went down on me first and loved it.

23:06 The guy got off from just giving me head. Any suggestions on how to help?

23:11 Love you, ladies.

23:11 Also, he's 11 years sober, so alcohol is never involved prior to sexy time.

23:17 Oh, no.

23:18 That's terrible. I hate that for her.

23:21 I do too. You know what I think it is? I don't think he thinks it's unsanitary. I think he probably doesn't know how to do it. I think he's probably done it with chicks and he's gotten bad feedback. And now he's like traumatized and doesn't want to do it.

23:34 Wait, hold on. I need to know if he has ever gone down on her.

23:38 Never? Never, ever, ever? No.

23:41 No.

23:43 Almost seven years they've been married.

23:45 Gosh. Gosh. Like that's, I can't even imagine.

23:51 And also if I'm putting your dick in my mouth.

23:54 Yes.

23:56 Get down there.

23:57 Get down there.

23:59 Maybe like if he's begging you to suck your, his dick, like be like, okay, fine. 69.

24:07 I think you need to get deep with him and just say, you say it's unsanitary. These are my feelings about that. Is there something deeper? Also, if you're not pleased sexually with, This marriage is never going to last because.

24:21 There will be a day that that shit fades. It should be popping.

24:24 You've been with this man and married for almost seven years. The seven year itch is a real thing. I want her to write back and tell us once they hit seven years, how's it going?

24:34 I wish I had some tricks that you could make him go down on you.

24:38 But I mean, he doesn't technically have to lick her vagina hole.

24:43 He could just stay up towards the clit where the.

24:45 Juices are hot.

24:46 Well, by the way, like on like tongue in the hole is like the thought is sexy, but that's not going to get any type of job done. Just like suck on the clit and use your fingers.

24:59 Yeah.

25:00 Yeah.

25:00 He doesn't even have to go. He doesn't have to be on the juices.

25:04 Also do it in the shower. Have her use a little summer's Eve. You know, it's nice and clean. She clearly hasn't been, let me tell you the moment you don't give her what she wants, she's going to call her best friend, get it elsewhere. And now you've really got to worry.

25:18 Yeah.

25:20 Yeah. This guy's, this guy's going down. If you don't, if he doesn't go down, your.

25:25 Marriage is going down.

25:26 If you don't go down, babe, how much do you want this marriage to work?

25:30 God.

25:31 Yeah.

25:32 Eat the cookie.

25:34 Eat the cookie.

25:36 Turn into a little cookie monster.

25:38 I love cookie.

25:40 I've never had a guy not want to go down on me.

25:42 Have you?

25:44 I wouldn't say not want to, but I've definitely ran into guys that won't. And I'm like, I wonder why, but they don't, they just like get freaked out.

25:55 What?

25:56 Like one of my best guy friends, like he won't do it.

26:01 Which doesn't affect you. Wait, Austin?

26:03 No, no, no, no. Different guy.

26:06 Okay.

26:06 Okay.

26:07 No. And like this guy, like I hooked up with him before and he like won't do it, but he tells me about it. He's like, I don't like doing that, but he also won't let me suck his dicks.

26:15 I'm like, what?

26:16 Okay. Well, if you don't have to do the job, then like, whatever, whatever. Don't expect me to be down there doing work, playing with these balls and doing the whole bit.

26:25 There's a lot happening down there.

26:26 Yeah. A lot of work. Yeah.

26:31 My first question though, when I'm, when I'm talking to a dude, when we start getting sexual, sexy time, talk, I straight up asked, do you eat pussy?

26:38 Yeah.

26:40 If we, if you don't, what are we doing?

26:42 We're done.

26:43 We're done.

26:43 I need a little something, but by the way, that doesn't mean that every time we hook up, like I'm expecting that. I just got to know that that's on the table.

26:54 Yeah. My ex boyfriend, the crazy one was obsessed with it and he was so good at it.

27:01 Oh, maybe I should call him.

27:03 Maybe I should call him after that text. You should be calling him.

27:07 I should be calling somebody. I mean, he's not responding.

27:10 He's with her, Sally.

27:12 And let me tell you guys, this man is like in love with me. Like he does not not answer. And he does not not call me in the morning to make sure I slept OK.

27:24 Also, like even just a quick text being like, hey, I'm doing this. Let me call you in just a little bit. Like he's not responding at all. He's not answering. He's not texting.

27:34 And I hated that text. Hope you feel better. I don't.

27:38 This fucking girl showed up. How does she know what number apartment? Like he definitely had to give her the information.

27:45 You already know how I feel about this guy. I think that there's a lot of red flags. I think it's cute that he's like tried to paint them green by like, you don't text.

27:55 Okay, now I'm going to text.

27:57 But I think clocking those things was a good thing and not saying that you love him because now he's got his ex. at his house and there's comfortability. And the only reason it ended was because she cheated. It's not like he wasn't into it anymore.

28:11 And clearly they have like longstanding history. If she's like showing up to his place. Cause that's the kind of shit me and.

28:19 My ex do.

28:21 Yeah.

28:21 They've clearly been in contact.

28:23 Yeah.

28:24 Okay.

28:25 And I don't know that she's that crazy. I don't think she's as crazy as he's making it sound.

28:31 All right.

28:33 Questions incoming. Have you ever been walked in on while having sex? Ever caught by a parent, an ex?

28:42 Yes.

28:44 Which one? All three?

28:46 No, my ex-fiance showed up to my apartment here in Charleston like four years ago, three years ago. And I had Gaston in my bed. The guy that Taylor Green dated. Yeah.

29:00 The one with the long hair?

29:03 No.

29:05 He was on last season.

29:06 Gaston.

29:08 She's still with him.

29:09 No.

29:10 Really?

29:10 They broke up.

29:12 Yeah. He cheated on her. Cause he's just a stellar guy.

29:16 Yeah. No, she, he walked in, like he came into my, well, no, he opened the door. I was standing there and he like pushed me out of the way. He was like, who's in here.

29:27 Oh my God.

29:28 Yeah.

29:29 That is so awkward.

29:30 Yeah.

29:31 It was terrible.

29:32 I was masturbating one day with my bathrobe.

29:37 You know how I told you about the bathrobe trick?

29:39 Yeah.

29:40 This was so long ago. And my roommate opened the door and it was so awkward. I didn't stop though. I got, I walked out and I was like, I'm really sorry.

29:51 You had to see that.

29:52 She was like, what the fuck were you doing? I'm like, my vibrators dead and I don't know where the charger is so you just do what you have to do then I was fucking my high school sweetheart and apparently the next day I was talking to my sister-in-law and my mom and we were talking about my then boyfriend and my mom was like Lauren dad came in to the room last night and said that you and so and so cannot have sleepovers anymore because he heard you And I was like, what? I was like, we were not doing anything.

30:30 I finally admitted to.

30:31 It, but like how repulsive for my dad and how awkward for me. And I've only been caught one time, like actually in the act by a guy who was like pretty much living with me. Ever called someone the wrong name in bed?

30:46 Yes.

30:46 When you masturbate, are there times that you say a guy's name?

30:49 I don't think out loud, but there's sometimes when I'm like thinking about someone. Yeah.

30:55 Ever been turned on at an inappropriate time?

30:58 Yes.

30:58 Every day of my life.

31:01 Yeah.

31:02 Every day of my life, I get turned on by something and I'm like, this is not good.

31:07 It does not.

31:08 Matter who you are. When you are my masseuse, I am so turned on in a massage. It doesn't matter who the fuck is rubbing me. Yeah.

31:23 I was watching massage porn last night and all I saw was like a woman and it was a guy and she was like massaging his balls. That was like the pre preview. And I was like, okay, I can get down with this. So we're in it. I'm fucking ready. She finally grabs his dick and pulls it like out from under him to massage it very gently.

31:42 Obviously the dick was about this big. I was like, are you kidding me?

31:47 What was, where were they based in Charleston?

31:52 It was so, and like, I wanted to take a picture to ask if that's considered a micro penis.

31:58 It's not.

31:58 Micros are like this.

32:00 Okay. Well, it was in my book, pretty fucking micro.

32:03 Yeah.

32:03 I was like, this is like, like just the tip of your pinky.

32:07 Do you remember that picture that was going around? It would like come through as like an invite to something and then you would click on it and it was like a guy from the waist down with giant balls and a small wiener.

32:18 No.

32:19 Okay.

32:19 Well, it was going around with a crew that I was hanging out with at the time. And I remember my friend showing it to me and me thinking it was my ex.

32:29 No.

32:30 That I was still very much with. I was like, oh no, this is not good.

32:35 It's not good.

32:37 And now thinking about it, it could be, it could be.

32:40 That someone, he sent one off to someone and they turned it into that.

32:46 What is that? Like a jump scare?

32:48 Yes.

32:50 Ever competed with someone over the same person? Of course you have.

32:55 Yeah.

32:56 The bachelor. That's like pretty much all it is.

32:59 Oh, true, true.

33:00 But I didn't like go far enough to do that because I left.

33:04 If I have, I'm not, I'm drawing a blank on who it would, like I usually, if, if I like a dude and someone else who maybe is my friend is expressing interest, I immediately, get turned off and disengage.

33:19 Cause I'm like, I'm not, I don't, I'm not doing this. I, yeah, I don't like that.

33:25 Cause I think some people would think me, Charlie competed for Craig.

33:28 You don't see it that way.

33:29 I don't see it that way at all.

33:31 I actually really appreciated how open and honest and authentic you were.

33:35 About how you felt.

33:36 Yeah.

33:36 I mean, I can't keep my mouth shut.

33:38 There's nothing wrong with that. Like I'm heller high water. I may look like a fool in the moment. Um, Which I'm not saying that you looked like a fool. You most certainly didn't. That was like such a weird situation though.

33:51 It was so weird. It was weird.

33:54 Yeah.

33:54 Because like him and Charlie weren't even doing anything either.

33:57 I think he maybe made it a big thing in his head. Do you think that Taylor wasn't telling you because in her mind it wasn't a big deal? It was like, this isn't doing it.

34:07 Yeah.

34:07 Charlie.

34:08 Yeah.

34:08 Not Taylor. Charlie.

34:12 I don't know.

34:13 Because like the whole time we had like a group message, the three of us.

34:17 That's weird.

34:18 And then Corey ended up being in it too. And we would all talk and hang out. It was like the four of us. And then they started texting on the side, but usually Charlie would tell me everything.

34:29 About the guy that she meets. And she just kept the whole thing a secret.

34:32 So I just felt like she was being a shady friend. Yeah.

34:35 I would think the same exact thing.

34:37 So I just kind of, I mean, we don't really talk anymore.

34:40 How did you learn about sex? and like how to do it was it from friends tv i don't know i learned a lot about it through my friends who were a couple years older than me who were sexually active and like good yeah and i was so terrified of it like i had never i had touched one dick before and i remember it like in my hand feeling small and i immediately got like nervous about it so i was like why is it small.

35:13 So we've always been scared of small dicks over here, okay?

35:17 Exactly.

35:20 But then I feel like my first boyfriend taught me most of the things that I needed to do. And I remember the first time when he was fingering me, the first time that I came.

35:32 And he was like, what was that?

35:35 And I was like, I think.

35:36 So he was a virgin?

35:38 No, but clearly he had never made a girl come with fingering.

35:41 Oh.

35:43 Cause he was like, what was that?

35:45 Yeah.

35:47 And I was like, I think that it's come.

35:55 Oh my God. That's funny. Now you will always know if a girl's faking.

36:05 It on him.

36:05 100%.

36:09 Lala, your kids are still young, but have you thought about when or how you will tell them about sex?

36:14 Oh Jesus. I have not thought about it.

36:16 What age do you usually do that?

36:18 I feel like I, I knew what sex was because my friend and I in elementary school would snoop through her parents' room and they had a very healthy sex life. They had like, she had like a lingerie drawer. They had books that were all about like different positions. So that's when I, kind of, and I think I was young.

36:41 Yeah.

36:41 Maybe fourth, fifth grade.

36:42 Oh, geez.

36:44 That's young, right?

36:45 That's young. How old are you in fifth grade?

36:50 I think like 11.

36:52 Yeah. That's young.

36:53 Yeah.

36:54 Very.

36:55 So that's when, but I have not even thought about it. Jeez. I, Ocean will talk about kissing a lot.

37:01 What do you mean?

37:02 Like, Mom, if you meet a boy, are you going to kiss them?

37:07 And I'm like, why is this crossing your mind?

37:12 I'm like, no, Ocean, I'm going to do a lot more than that, baby. Well, they learn it from the Disney movies, the kissing, I bet.

37:23 Oh, that's true.

37:23 Because they always have the prince kissing.

37:27 That's why I prefer Ocean watch the movie Brave.

37:31 Yeah.

37:31 Have you seen that?

37:32 Seen it yet I need to see that is it good so good I love Scotland yeah that's where that's where this Disney princess is from and they bring in all these princes to marry her off and they have to do like a bow and arrow shooting.

37:47 Contest and um Myrna is her name she fucking what is it Myrna I think yeah I think that's her name so they're all shooting and then she gets out there and she like does the bow and arrow and then bullseye. And she goes, I'll be fighting for my own hand. She doesn't get married. And I'm like, this is the movie I can get down with. This is the type of Disney princess.

38:15 Confident. She doesn't want to get married.

38:18 She fucking wants to just like ride on her horse with her big red curly hair. She wants to be alone.

38:25 And that's totally fine.

38:26 Yeah.

38:27 I was more like her.

38:28 And then how quickly it all changes, right?

38:30 Yeah. I'm about to go, after we get off this podcast, I'm about to go psychotic on this man.

38:36 I mean, like, this is, this is bullshit.

38:38 I can tell you're in a spiral.

38:39 I mean, I'm just like, what are you, what are you doing?

38:43 He's with that girl.

38:44 You'd never do anything with her.

38:45 I think there's a lot of things he would do that you think he wouldn't do.

38:49 Y'all, he's so good to me.

38:52 Yeah.

38:53 You want to know who was good to me?

38:54 My ex.

38:56 And he was fucking everything in sight.

39:00 Actually?

39:01 Yes.

39:02 And he wasn't even hot. Like not even a little bit.

39:05 Yeah.

39:05 And this guy is sexy. That's why I was down for the cause.

39:08 I'm like, no one's, I'm the only one with a gold heart that would like, let you see me naked.

39:14 No, no other sane woman would let you see them naked.

39:17 Yeah.

39:17 What, how did he get all of them?

39:20 I don't know.

39:21 The words.

39:23 Yeah.

39:24 The words will do it to you. Yeah, women are a sucker for the words. We love a good love bomb. We should send him a sexy text. That's not for him. Do you internet stalk someone before a first date in 2026?

39:39 Don't we expect this?

39:40 Yes.

39:41 Yes.

39:41 Internet stalk.

39:43 Yeah.

39:43 I've gotten a little better at that. I used to just like go to their page and that was the extent. Now it's like, I go to their page. I see who's tagged them. I go to see who's commented. If the same person consistently comments, I go to see if they've fought, if they're following each other, then I go to that page. Then most of the time I have to figure out how to find, here's my deal breaker though.

40:07 If I cannot, if you don't have a video of like your voice or I can't Google you to find like some sort of interview or you talking, I can't risk showing up and having you have a really annoying voice.

40:20 Yeah.

40:24 Right?

40:25 Yeah, no. You've got a great voice. There are times that I listen to mine and I'm like, oh my God.

40:29 I hate my voice.

40:32 You do?

40:32 Yeah.

40:34 Why?

40:34 I don't know.

40:35 It's so sexy.

40:36 I think that everyone I feel like hates hearing themselves talk.

40:41 No, there are times that I listen to myself and I'm like, oh, I sound so good today. Then there are days where I'm like, why are we so like throaty and nasally and like valley girl?

40:53 I don't like that. When I get into that voice, I hate it.

40:56 Do you have unhinged conversations like we do on the podcast or is it rare? How do you, how do you broach the topic when a good friend is uncomfortable talking about sex? I tend to not attract people who are uncomfortable talking about these things.

41:13 Yeah. And if they're uncomfortable, I'm just like, okay, well then just listen to.

41:17 Me talk about it.

41:21 You make them super comfortable?

41:23 Yeah, but I'm just like, you don't have to talk about it. Just listen to me.

41:27 Do you feel judged?

41:30 Um, okay.

41:32 So for instance, like when I'm talking about the, like hooking up with ugly guys and it's obviously out there now, some of my friends are like, Sally, What? But they're saying Sally because I'm doing it like I'm talking about it and it's on a podcast.

41:47 Oh, so they think that like anyone who you fucked is going to go and think like, oh, am I one of the ugly guys that she slept with?

41:54 But also it's like they they think that it's crazy to hear me say this on like a platform.

41:59 Oh, like this is no longer just like in the girl.

42:02 Yeah.

42:03 Like, yes, I get that.

42:05 Like this is so normal for Sally to talk like this. But the fact that it's online now is crazy for us. Because like, you just don't say some of the shit you say. And that's what you only say in your friends. I'm like, but Lala is my friend.

42:24 All right.

42:25 So that's, that'll do donkey for this episode of sex unlocked.

42:28 You better text us.

42:30 I will.

42:30 I will.

42:31 You must. Thank you guys for listening to another episode.

42:34 Sally.

42:34 Good luck with that today. Hope you enjoyed. We'll catch you next week.

42:37 Bye.

42:37 Bye guys.