Is This The Worst Thing To Happen To Dating?

Hey, everybody.

It's Bob Guinea here. I do part two. I'm with my good friend, Mr.

Wright. And we are digging back into what we touched on in the first episode. episode here, which was a very strange TikTok message. So if you haven't had a chance to catch up on that, please go ahead and get a listen. I think this guy just kind of triggered us because... I think it triggered me a little bit because I feel like... I just feel like it's got to be tough, dude.

I couldn't imagine... I mean, I date.

The old-fashioned way, right? I go on a TV show, I hand out a couple flowers, and that's how I do it. No, I think about it from that perspective, though. It's like, you know, it's got to be so tough because... Either one way or another, you are going to be someone swiping left, which left is bad, right is good, right?

Or not bad necessarily.

Left is pass and right is I'm interested or whatever. So when you– God forbid you put like some real photos of yourself up there that aren't glamour shots, right?

And someone's like left, left, left. You're not getting anybody swiping right.

So then you– are like, oh, I better throw up some stuff from my friend's wedding or Olin Mills with the library backdrop.

I don't know.

You're thinking of the best things you could come up with for these photos.

But then you think, oh, you know what? I'm going to put my interests on there.

I'm going to put some stuff that I love to do so that maybe I find that guy who has something in common with me.

And now you're getting judged for that too. I don't know. I don't know what that means exactly.

But I do know that I feel bad about the pressure Uh, that must come with that kind of expectation of, you know, get hoping that someone, anyone, I mean, I'd probably go on and create a fake profile and swipe right on my own profile.

To make myself feel better about myself.

No, you got one like, that's all you needed.

I got one like, and I won't even tell myself that it was me, you know, I wouldn't even allow myself to know it. So, yeah, but I mean, I'm sure that there are some things that resonate with some of the listeners and some, and some of the people that are listening right now that this guy said, I mean, I would imagine there's probably a thing or two in there, like right with every thing you say, you.

Know, I'm sure not a hundred percent of it is completely off base.

If you wanted to like extrapolate, you know, something that could be an issue for me is that if you're with somebody that is so career driven or so, you know, attention driven. that that is, you know, that is like, you know, altering the course of their life. And it's all about, you know, work, work, work, work, work 24 hours a day. Or if it's just, let me see how popular I can be. And I can, you know, let me see, maybe they spend all their time on Instagram or, you know, TikTok themselves. And they're just infatuated with attention or infatuated with accolades. That can be, that can certainly be overbearing. And I can, I can see that.

And I, you know, I mean, there's one of the things that, drives me insane if i can give you my biggest pet peeve.

With i'm ready yeah.

Being with being with friends is when i'm sitting there with them and they're on social media when they're looking and it used to be like you know if you were at a cocktail party and someone was talking to you but looking over your shoulder to see who else was in the room like yeah like someone more important yeah that's what i think social media for me that's the that's the impression that i get if i'm if you and i bobber if we're out to you know to lunch or dinner or whatever out to drinks And we're talking and you're scanning to see what else is going on in the world around you. That drives me bananas.

So if that was what he was saying on TikTok, if that drive to get attention, that drive to make sure that you're not missing anything, that maybe there's something better, there's a better option out there. I can see that being a real issue because it is for me. I promise you that is the biggest– issue that I have right now is, you know, when I'm with somebody and I, and I see them look for something better.

Sure. Yeah.

I mean, I can speak to that.

Like I know, you know, when I was single living in LA and I'd go out with someone or I'd be set up by friends or whatever, and we'd go out on a date or go out for drinks and she'd be, you know, she was Instagram, you know, driven and, A lot of times they were Instagram models or whatever they might be, right? And it was like, oh, getting a picture of their food, getting a picture of the drink, getting a picture. Would you mind getting this picture of me?

And I'm just like, are you fucking kidding? I remember getting to the point of being like, you know what?

I think I need to go.

I did that more than once because I was just like, I was so anti the whole thing.

And I've softened to it over the years. I actually like it.

Instagram now, like I like taking pictures of my kids. I like posting stuff when we're doing things. But I remember I was so turned off to it back then. And that was kind of why, like I hated the fact that it was like, I couldn't have a real moment with anybody, you know?

And it was just maddening.

Yep.

And it was the light wasn't right or the thing, all those things. I'm like- At this moment right now, can we just be?

Yeah, can we have this?

Yeah, and maybe later on, you're back on the couch or whatever else, and you're just vegging, fine.

That's the time.

But in the moment, feeling like you aren't that good enough, feeling you're not that special enough, where it's more important to see what some stranger half a world away is.

Is looking at or doing to see if it's better than what you're doing.

Right.

Oh my God.

That's a whole nother episode though.

Yeah.

I can't imagine that. I think, I think, I think we kind of nailed it.

I think this guy's probably, you know, maybe, maybe he dated someone who had a more successful career than him, or maybe she made more money than him or whatever it might be.

And, and, and that is a trigger for him.

And so he's basically saying like, you know, he's got this opinion that he's carrying, which is kind of like, look, I, you know, I don't need to see all these things you're doing. I'm sure in the nicest interpretation of what he said that we could possibly render, it would be, I just want you to be with me and spend the time with me. I don't want to know what you're doing on the side. But I don't understand how on a dating profile that works. Because at the end of the day, don't you want to know what these people do? Yeah.

But now I'm softening up to his position here a little bit. Now I'm thinking about my own.

Issues that I have with social media and the own issues that I have with with looking over my shoulder to see who else is around. And so maybe his takeaway is you don't need to be that infatuated with success, that infatuated with accolades.

Can't you just be happy in the moment? Maybe that's what it is. I don't know.

I think we've given him a fair shake now, though. I think we were going strong on him at first, now he's softened.

And I think we've definitely nailed it. But Yeah, I do think it's interesting. You know, they say opposite to tract, right? And so at the end of the day, you know, you're going to have, like you said, you're going to have the lead singer, you're going to have the tambourine player. You know, it's very rare that you have, you know, two lead singers dating, right? I mean, I laughingly say this about Canyon, but, you know, when Trista and Ryan and myself and my wife were at an event, Trista and I walked the red carpet together. Ryan and Canyon wait at the end with cocktails. And it's not that I want, I want Canyon on the red carpet.

She has no interest, zero. And Ryan has zero interest.

And I've always thought it's so funny because I'll even say to Tristan, like the middle of the carpet, is this kind of weird?

You know, it's always us, you know, but it's like, it's funny because we've been lumped together for so long. Right.

And it's, but it is kind of interesting that we both ended up with people who just They don't need it.

That's the balance. I think that's the balance.

You have two that are fighting for the angle, fighting for the carpet, fighting for the attention, whatever else. I think that can be really a bad blend.

Oh, yeah.

So I think someone that's like, yeah, you know what? You go, and you go on the red carpet. I'll get a cocktail.

I'll wait for you. I'll support you as best I can.

I'll take a couple pictures. I'll be smiling.

Yeah. I had a relationship with someone many years ago who was very well known. And there were often challenges because let's just.

Be honest, right?

The reality show thing, people, it's almost like you're the bottom rung of the ladder. But at the end of the day, when you're the bottom rung of the ladder in these circumstances and your partner is a little higher on the ladder, there's things that come with that, right? And some of those things that come with that aren't always...

the best situations to be in. And I'll say this, like, I do think that there's, if you take yourself seriously in, in anything, you know, especially when it comes to the bullshit that comes with social media and certain levels of, you know, notoriety or whatever it might be, you're setting yourself up for failure and you're setting yourself for failure, not only personally, but for sure relationship wise, because you've got to be able to laugh at yourself and you've got to be able to make fun of the situation.

And let's just say that I was a little better at making fun of the situation than that person was.

All of that stuff is fleeting. It's fake.

And getting too wrapped up in it, I think it drains the soul.

No doubt.

I sound like an old man.

No, you sound like a man with some experience is what you sound like to me. And I think in some wisdom based on you know, those experiences. And so I think, you know, you learn a lot about that stuff, but I think it's interesting though. You were right when you said, I love that Chris Rock analogy that you got to have someone who's happier than hell to be pounding that tambourine, right?

Just playing it. And then the other dude up there doing everything else they're doing. So I don't know.

You know, I thought of this earlier, you know, when I was saying opposites attract and I was going to try and get there, but something of interest, you know, you, like, for example, you think of like Bill Gates, you think of Steve Jobs when he was alive still, or, you know, Elon Musk, right? You have all these like huge billionaires, but they're not dating female billionaires, right? why why not you know why not why i mean is it is it too they're too alpha you know like mark cuban you know like i've i've often wondered is is who's mark cuban with you know like i i've if he's with someone if he is married or whatever you've never heard of her or at least i haven't i always think he's a single guy maybe he's not but you

know isn't that interesting like why are they never yeah i.

Think it's probably probably two things it could be um I'm not a billionaire, so I don't know. But I can imagine that even if you're with somebody that's incredibly successful, massively successful, but maybe they're not quite to the billionaire status of an Elon Musk or whatever else, then they fail in comparison.

And I think that's unfair.

I think that's really unfair because you can have a really accomplished partner but just doesn't have the status or the recognition and all of a sudden, oh.

They're not equal. Well, maybe they are. You never know what happens in car rides.

You never know what happens over coffee talks, like how equal they actually might be.

So that's one. The other part is I think that probably someone.

That is super driven, super alpha, all that stuff, you know, when they get home or when they get, when they're, when they're out of the boardroom, they may want to downshift and they don't want that in their lives. They want to have another, another reality that, that doesn't include, you know, being in charge of a massive company or a massive team or, you know, massive responsibility or whatever. So, I think first off, again, these, you know, a lot of Cuban might be married to an incredibly, you know, accomplished person. And we may just not know about it because it's not Mark Cuban.

And they might want their privacy.

Totally.

I mean, that Canyon would prefer privacy, you know, which I, yeah, I love that.

And like, you know, you take, you know, Jeff Bezos and, you know, he's now married to another person, you know, she was a, she was a news anchor or something like that.

Jeff Bezos. Oh my gosh. And you think, Oh, you know, she's only a news anchor, but a news anchor is an incredibly accomplished role, you know?

And again, you take those two people apart and you go, Oh, this is, this woman is a news anchor.

Like, wow, that's incredible.

But then you put that paired with, you know, someone like Jeff Bezos and all of a sudden it doesn't seem that accomplished when it really, it is because you're throwing off kind of the measuring tool.

Yeah.

No, that's a really valid point. That's a great way to look at it. Yeah.

I would imagine that it's gotta be very difficult for the other person in the relationship, right? To, especially now that billionaires have been, you know, when you think about billionaires, which I am, I'm, I'm basically like a thousandaire, I think, or a hundredaire. But when you think of folks like that and how they become, how it's become celebrity culture, right?

I mean, there was a period of time where you didn't even know who a billionaire was.

You couldn't even name one.

And now it's like, We seem to know a lot of them and they seem to be way more prevalent in our, in our, you know, in our culture. But I think it's interesting and it would be a real unique challenge to be with someone who is known for being such a take charge beast, you know, like any of the sharks on, you know, on the shark tank.

So how about, how about athletes?

Yeah.

Here you go.

Like you have, you know, a lot of times I think athletes have the most difficult road in a relationship, right? Because they, you know, they have their moment in the spotlight, which for, you know, the majority of professional athletes, you know, 80% of, of, of, you know, professional athletes, their careers are like three to four years tops.

Right.

And so you have these, you know, you're, you're like in the spotlight, whatever else. And then it goes away and it's gone and it's gone. I mean, it is gone very, very quickly. And I think that is probably a very difficult thing in a relationship where one minute, you know, you are, you know, playing in the NFL and whatever else or the NBA or whatever it is.

And then the next moment, you know, you're.

You're not, you know, you're coaching high school football and you're back to real life. And that's gotta be a hard adjustment, not just for you, but for your partner as well.

Sure.

Yeah.

You go from being adored basically, and, and being just revered no matter where you go to all of a sudden, you know, some, you know, someone walks up and they're like, you know, saying your name, like they keep murdering your name when they're, when they're picking up, you know, the ballet stand or whatever, you know, yeah, it's gotta be tough.

I would guess, you know, and I have some friends who, who, you know, I have a couple of friends.

Who as professional athletes have kind of reached the pinnacle and they still, I think do have a lot of that adoration, but I have some other friends I know who, you know, like you said, their careers were maybe four or five years in and out. They still made some great money, still have a wonderful lifestyle, but they definitely don't have the lifestyle that they had.

And so it definitely can wreak havoc on your psyche, I would think, too.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

All right, Mr.

Wright, I got one more topic for us to cover today.

Apparently, online, with my online investigative skills, I have discovered, I have unearthed.

A theory that some men... don't like a woman who.

Travels solo a lot because they equate that with, she must be sleeping around when she's traveling.

Have you ever heard that?

Have you ever thought of that when you see that someone's maybe, you know, globetrotting around the world a little bit? Have you ever thought, oh, wow, they're probably out there shacking up with a dude in every port?

You know, has that ever crossed your mind?

Well, I mean, it's definitely come up in terms of like guys doing that when guys travel a lot for work. And there's just like this connotation that they're, you know, that they're, you know, being promiscuous and they're, they're living like a double life.

I've never really thought about it.

For a, for a woman, but you know, I mean, equal opportunity, they're allowed to do that too, I suppose. And I guess, I mean, I, I guess I, that's interesting. That's a really interesting thought. And, uh, I, I suppose that, yeah, I mean, you know, I, I've never, I've never had a negative connotation about that, but, um, I suppose that, that a woman would have the same opportunities and, Could be up to the same hijinks that men are.

Hijinks.

I love it.

Yeah, that's interesting.

Well, you know, it's funny.

I dated a woman, this is many, many years ago, who she traveled all over the place. And I remember, to be completely honest, I remember asking her, well, you were single in Thailand?

What was going on there?

And she's like, women don't go to Thailand for the same reason that men go to Thailand. She's like, she was like, let me just put it to you that way.

Okay.

But, you know, at the same time, you know, I think it would be, you know, it would be just as bad as the tech talk dude making generalizations that that doesn't happen. I'm sure there are some women who may do that in their travels.

God bless them.

God bless them. You know, I mean, they're free to do it too.

Just like, like you said, the same hijinks as the guys, but I have not, that's never crossed my mind as something when I first see that a woman's like, you know, here I am.

You know, in Bali. And I'm, you know, I'm like, I'm not like, Oh, okay. Some Bali dude.

But there is like a very clear generalization for a traveling salesman, you know, that they, that they are, you know, they are on the road and they're, they're living their double life and they're, you know, they're going and doing, doing their thing when they're traveling. And, um, and I, you know, a lot of women are, you know, you know, I think thinking about men that way, I just don't know that I have that same impression of a, of a woman doing the same thing.

And I don't, I just don't.

I travel kind of a lot for the deal or no deal stuff. And it's always funny for me because Canyon ruins any salesman thing in my mind. If I'm going to sit at the hotel bar and be approached by some woman in my mind, Canyon will always go.

Well, have a great time at deal or no deal.

And I'll be here with the kids and just wear a rubber.

Don't forget.

And I'll be like, She does it every time I'm leaving.

She has no faith in you to close. That's what it is.

She doesn't. She doesn't believe I can do it. And you know what?

I think she's really kind of groomed me to believe I can't do it either because I don't– I literally don't even sit at the bar anymore.

She's losing your self-confidence.

Totally.

She's like self-destructing me as she goes.

But yeah, apparently this whole solo girl travel thing is a turnoff for some dudes on the dating app. Yeah. I can say, honestly, if I were ever on a dating app, I would not see that as a turnoff. I would actually see that as being adventurous, as being someone who, you know, I love to travel, but I also am a homebody. So it's like, I kind of have this like weird dichotomy within myself where sometimes I just want to be on the go and see things and do things.

And then other times, I think it's.

Probably largely partially due to the age of my children, right?

Seven and five.

That right now I'm like, I want to be a homebody. I want to stay home. I want to go to their sports. I want to go to dinner.

I want to spend time, you know, I want to watch a movie.

I think that you're just saying that on the podcast.

I think inside you're looking to get away whenever humanly possible.

I'm inventing deal or no deals that don't even exist. I'm like, oh, I'm going to be in St. Louis this weekend.

What?

No, there's no casino there.

God bless you.

If there is a woman traveling the globe looking to sow her oats, Let's just say, keep on sowing.

Is that a thing? Could you say that?

I'll say it.

The takeaways from this, I would say, first is that women should continue to flex their accomplishments, should show who they are, what they want, and not adjust it for a dating app or for anything. If you want to travel the world, travel the world. Um, I mean, if, and if somebody has an issue with it, that's, that's, that's on them, not on you. So I think that, um, you know, I'm, I'm kind of, I'm throwing girl power up here, but, um, you don't need, you don't need to be demure and just fall into a category because you think that's what guys want to see on a dating app or want to see in general. You go flex yourself, you go, you know, live your best life.

And if you want to take photos of all of it and put it all over the place, go for it.

Um, and, uh, and, and live your best.

No, I a hundred percent agree, man. I feel like there's, you should never, God, I'm.

Trying to think what the saying is, but my mom used to kind of say something like this where, you know, she would always go, well, the brightest stars in the sky shine brighter because you surround yourself with other stars. Right.

And I would think that that kind of applies.

Like you should never dim your light to make someone else think that you're more dateable or more lovable because It's like, you know, if at all someone's trying to squelch any of that, then they're just not the right person for you.

And there's billions and billions of people out there. Have fun. You know, go do it. And especially, you know, now, like, I mean, I'm in my 50s.

So I can think of that from the standpoint of, you know, if I were to be single and the last thing I would want to do is be sitting there going, man, she needs a chiller.

I'm not going to date her. First of all, who cares, right?

She's going to be like, I'm sure she's fine. But at the same time, it's like, why would you want to do that? You would want to be with someone. hitting their apex and you're hitting it together. Like, okay, let's go do all this fun and let's go have a great life. And if it works out great, if it doesn't, that's okay too. You know, it's like, I don't know. I just think it's all, it's all with intention.

And as long as your intentions are good and you're really kind of meeting in the middle, then you're going to have a lot better experience than if you're trying to bring somebody down.

I don't know. That's a totally different show for a totally different day, Mr. Wright, but thank you.

I appreciate you joining us on the show.

As always, your insight and your wisdom speak volumes. Absolute volumes. You're not Mr. Right now. You are Mr.

Right.

I'm just going to say it. I'm just going to say it out loud.

If you're online dating in your chapter two and you'd like some real honest feedback on your dating profile from some guys, we're here.

We are here to help you. Send us an email. Leave us a voicemail. Do not send us a TikTok. We don't know how to watch those.

We just don't.

All the info is in the show notes.

Is This The Worst Thing To Happen To Dating?

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