No Kids, No Apologies: Wendi McClendon-Covey on Owning Her Choice To Live Child-free

You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl. Welcome back to I Choose Me. Wendy McClendon-Covey is as real as they come. We're picking up right where we left off with so much more to dig into. Here we go.

Okay.

This is a huge accomplishment. You've been married for 30 years.

30 years. Yeah.

That's... Wow. Can we just... I need to... Anybody else in this room?

Nope. Okay.

That was a round of applause for your 30-year marriage. Three decades.

Three decades.

You just had another anniversary. How have you done that? How have you intentionally chosen your marriage for three decades? And how have you navigated the inevitable highs and lows? Yeah. I'm sure that there's a lot of answers for that question because I know. Marriages are difficult sometimes.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, with our marriage, I got to say, it's him. I am a nightmare, and I know that. But he is such an easy person to live with. He is an easy person to live with. He's a great person to come home to. They just don't make him any better than him. I don't know. I, whenever I see people and they're like always on vacation or always like posting the good stuff, I think, well, that's easy.

That part's easy. Who's going to sit with you in a hospital room? Who's going to be with you when, you know, someone in your family is dying. It's the ugly stuff that tests you. So like with Greg, I can have fun with him sitting in three hours of traffic on the 405. I know I'll have a good time. I can't say that about going to Paris with anyone else.

You know what I mean? Yeah. He's just mine.

He gets you.

He's my juicy, yummy husband. And I know I am not an easy person to live with. I know that. Why?

Tell me why.

Because I'm emotional. So? Yeah, it was not a bad thing necessarily. I suffer from depression. I've been medicated for years for that. And for him, that's hard for him to navigate because his family just wasn't like that. You know, they're all very stoic Swedish people. So that's hard for him. He just doesn't, he didn't understand for a long time, like, how can you be depressed when there's nothing wrong?

Right.

Well, yeah, that's the thing. That's my brain chemistry. I'm really sorry. Yeah. Yeah. You know, um, but I am, I am a big cheerleader for him. Like when he does something amazing, I tell everybody I'm fair. I fight fair. Although we don't fight. We argue. We argue sometimes because who doesn't? But I'm fair about this thing. And I've gone a lot.

Key to success right there.

Yeah. But he, you know, he used to work two jobs to put me through the groundlings. He would be there rehearsing with me. He'd go to every show. He'd bring people. He would let me cut my wigs on him. Run lines with me. Like he was so supportive and he's the only one that thought I could do it. Like no one else in my life thought I would get anywhere in this business. So he can have whatever he wants. He's, he's a house husband now and he can do whatever he wants because he supported me. So I will support him.

I love that.

Yeah.

I think having a house husband is, Sounds really good.

It's pretty cool.

Because then they just, you know, there's all the pressures off of them. And I don't know. Sounds nice.

I'm not sure why. You need someone holding down the fort. Yeah, you do. You're the one out there all the time working these long hours. You need someone to keep the house going. I don't know.

Well, I know that it hasn't been easy with his health. Yeah. He was diagnosed with Parkinson's in 2015, for those who don't know. Can you tell me about that journey or what are some of the choices that you've had to make to live with that and continue flourishing in your marriage, in your own personal relationships with yourselves?

Yeah, that was a tough one because the diagnosis was so shocking. I mean, he was in his early 40s. When he got that diagnosis and the doctor he was seeing in the beginning basically told him, well, gosh, in a year you could be in a wheelchair. We don't know. So just take these pills and we'll see you. We'll see you later. And that is not helpful in any way.

That's a conveyor belt response. So me, I don't take things like that lying down. Like you can't just No, no, no, you're not doctoring well right now. So let's go find someone else. Luckily, Adam Goldberg, who was the creator of the Goldbergs, his brother is a neurosurgeon and he got on the phone with us and gave us some other things to look into, such as get to a teaching hospital.

For anybody out there with a Parkinson's diagnosis, I want you to listen to this because it really helped us. get to a teaching hospital and get to a movement specialist because Parkinson's shows up differently for everybody. My dad also has it. Really? You really can't tell with him. With Greg, it was obvious. And after a while, the meds stopped working. So we found a doctor and a movement specialist that recommended him having a brain surgery where they put in a device and, uh, So he's got like a port in his chest with a battery pack.

And this thing stimulates a part of the brain that keeps him from needing as much medication because after a while, the medication stops working. Wow. This is a long haul thing. So a lot of people think it's experimental. It's not. And insurance should cover it. So that's incredible. We weren't being told that by this doctor. But as you know, as a woman and as a mom, like, oh, no, no, no, no.

Don't give me this bad news and give me no follow up. No, we're going to hit this hard. We're going to get on the Internet. We're going to do our research. I'll fly to Switzerland. We'll do whatever. We'll cash out. I will spend so much money on this. We're not going down without a fight. So he had that surgery back in 2022, and it has been a game changer. Yeah. along with physical therapy, along with watching his diet, like trying to eliminate any toxic burdens. I try to get him in the sauna to sweat out things.

Of course he won't do it, but I did buy a sauna. But like, he's got to eat a certain way. He's got to carry this, the batteries for his device around. I mean, I hear beeping all the time. Oh, Greg's recharging, you know, And he has to do it, but he has to get a good night's sleep. He has to watch his health. I mean, even if he gets a little cold, it's a nightmare. You know, just it affects everything.

So that was another reason why it was like, no, you don't work anymore. Right. Yeah.

I think that is such great information. I hope that that helps somebody listening out there because, I mean, you do. You're just told what to do and then... you want to trust the doctors. Hello. They went to med school. They should know something.

Yeah.

But you know, you got to push the envelope. You've got to find your own right answers.

Yeah. And, and get to those teaching hospitals because that's where they're really going to take an interest. Okay. So many people are being diagnosed with Parkinson's. So, you know, whether it's your condo complex was using Roundup to kill weeds for years and years and years. Or, you know, there's just all kinds of contributing factors and you have to exhaust all the resources for your life predicament. And Greg is always happy to talk to anybody that's thinking about having this done. And he has, he's coached some people through it and it's, it's been really cool that he's able to, help people in this way, you know, and turn a negative into a positive. But yeah, I can't say that that was fun. It was one of

those things where it's like, damn it. No, it's you and me. And we're going to fight this. Yeah. We are going to fight it. So.

Well, God, you say you're so lucky to have him. He's so lucky to have you.

So lucky. Yeah.

Okay. I want to know, because you were talking about your depression, your emotion, full behavior. I too have both of those things all my life. Yeah. And I want to know, is there one thing that's like a life challenge that that you've either overcome in the past or that you're still working out? Something that's like followed you around for years. You know, I know you're 56, but do you find yourself still dealing with some old habit or some old way of thinking that's keeping you stuck?

Or how did you get past it?

Yeah, I have this fear or this, I guess you might call it a tick of being misunderstood. of people not knowing exactly what I mean or exactly what I'm about. And I need to get over that because I shouldn't have to explain certain things. And over explaining doesn't make you, doesn't make someone understand you better. Right. If someone's committed to misunderstanding you, it doesn't matter what you say. So I am trying still to like hold boundaries about certain things and be unapologetic about it.

Well, you said it's a tick. What do you mean?

Yeah. It makes me feel like I'm itching from the inside of my skin to think, oh, someone didn't understand what I meant when I said X, Y, and Z.

Well- Where do you think that comes from?

I remember feeling that way as a child about- about certain things. Like, no, that's not what I said. Don't twist my words or whatever. But like, why did I feel that way?

Were you raised in a house where you were heard and seen?

I was raised in a house where you really had to fight for attention because, you know, and I don't want to bad mouth anyone. You know, my parents had kind of a tumultuous marriage. They're still married. And they were both working and they were both at their wits end all the time. So, you know.

They were doing their best.

They were doing their best. And, you know, we wanted for nothing. But there were times when it's like, you're not hearing me. You're not understanding what I'm saying. And that is hard for a kid. But as an adult, that has carried into my life. And I do recognize that it's wrong and doesn't serve me.

It doesn't serve you.

Yeah. So I am still trying to work that out. And it's getting better.

Do you just like tell yourself, hey, kid, cut it out?

Yeah.

Hey, kid.

A lot of talking to myself. You probably do it too. Like, hey, come on now.

Everything's okay.

Everything's fine. Nothing's wrong. Don't make this into something.

I'm always saying, I don't want to blow anybody's life up right now.

Not today.

Just let's have a good day.

Let's have a good day, right.

Oh, my God. Well, you said that you need the boundaries. I'm curious, when you need to draw a hard line in the sand or set a boundary, are you direct or... And serious? Or do you use comedy kind of as like a shield or even a weapon?

Yes, I have done that. I have done that. But it's better to, as I've learned, to just say things in plain language. Like, no, that doesn't work for me. I can't make that work. But I can make this work. Or I can't make this work next time. We'll do it. But for instance, I make plans for every weekend. By the end of the week, I am so dead dog tired.

I cannot kick myself up off the ground. So I cancel a lot. And my good friends understand. You know?

Yeah.

Like I cannot, sometimes I cannot physically do more than I've already done in the week. Oh, I get it. You know, I just have to lay around. Yep. No makeup. Mm hmm.

And.

Of course, my lucky husband has to look at me like that. But he gets it too. Obviously, we've made it work for 30 years. But yeah, I got to hold on to those boundaries. Right.

You've also spoken openly about something that a lot of women struggle with. I think you know how the world tells us that we're women. We're supposed to have kids. And you've decided that you don't want kids.

Yeah.

What was the moment that you fully owned that decision? And also, how do you handle other people's opinions about it, unsolicited opinions?

Yeah, the unsolicited opinions, I don't really care about, but I do find it funny when those women also claim to be feminists. And I've known since I was a kid that I wasn't going to be a mom. I've never, ever, ever had that urge. And I see people who like, oh my God, we're going to do IVF. And if that doesn't work, we're going to do this. And if that doesn't work, we're going to do this. Okay, well, I hope you get what you want. You want it really bad. I don't. I never felt like, hey, if this doesn't work, I'm going to go to the mat.

I'm going to make it happen. I never felt like putting that much energy into it. And I see people that have a bunch of kids and then they're like, oh, you know, like, yeah, all these activities. But what did you think it was going to be? You wanted it. You talked about it for so long. And now it seems like you don't like your kids. I don't know.

I do love kids. I always thought, well, maybe I'll be a fun aunt. And I have been able to be that for some of my friends. But yeah, I knew early on I didn't want it.

Again, you just have a sense of yourself.

I have a sense of myself. Yeah. I'm too lazy. And I'm too immature. Sure.

Oh, my God. You're reminding me of my best friend, Adele. It's so good, though, that you know yourself. Like, why are you going to chase something that you didn't want to begin with just because the world says you should?

Right. Yeah, that's not fair to a kid either. No. You know? No. But for everybody that wants to go down that road, I support you.

Go get it.

Get it.

Yep.

And love it. Love every minute of it.

Or get it and hate it.

Just shut up about it.

Because you wanted this.

Yeah. Yeah. Keep that quiet. Keep that quiet. Definitely.

Okay. So you said in order to recharge your battery, you have to just go check out, lay down, take your makeup off, be in your comfy clothes. I love that visual. Is that your number one thing to take care of yourself when the noise around you is just too much?

Yeah. And I love, you know what? I love going on hikes as much as I don't like being in the sun. I do like being in nature with a hat on so I can see the critters. Like I love trees. I love plants. I love nature. I love butterflies, you know, like wherever I can go and just have a nice little nature bath and listen to a podcast or something or my favorite music. Like that's my my little vacation that I can take a couple of hours a week. And I used to roller skate a lot.

And I still love it, but I just haven't had a chance to do it in a while. Where do you do this? Down in Long Beach, there's a place called El Dorado Park and they've got these bike trails and you can skate on them too, especially midweek. And it's just the greatest. Oh, I love it so much.

You need to get back on your roller skates, lady.

I do. I do.

I love that idea. I have roller skates because I love roller skating so much, but I never ever roller skate.

Oh, you've got to. It just feels like, I don't know, like my inner child loves it. Yeah.

I love that for her.

Yeah.

Okay. So you know yourself so well. You were born Wendy with a Y.

Mm-hmm.

Now you're Wendy with an I.

What happened?

How'd that happen? I'm Jenny with an I-E.

Yeah.

So I got a lot of issues with different spellings.

Were you born Jenny with an I-E? Is that on your birth certificate? Okay.

So my mom, I guess, picked how to spell it. Okay.

So Wendy with an I came about because I worked at a place where there were two other Wendy's. Ah. And we had to differentiate ourselves. So I just took that spelling and kept it.

Wendy with an I.

Wendy with an I. Yeah.

Is Wendy with an I different than Wendy with a Y?

Like personality wise? No, I'd say they're very similar. They are. Okay. I answer to both. But yeah, I just kept it and, you know, and now it's on all my documents.

So when you were, well, at your current age, what does choosing yourself mean to you today? And how is it different now? than say, you know, in your 20s, when we didn't really have a concept of what it meant to take care of ourselves or choose ourselves or, you know, any of the above?

Well, I remember in my 20s feeling like I've got to, if I do such and such, then this will follow. If I do a favor for this person, then this will follow. And I spent a lot of time being outside of myself and doing things that I thought were going to either get me friends or get me work or just, you know, lead to something else. And now I know none of that is true. You have to take care of yourself first and don't do things that you don't want to do. If you can avoid it.

Like if I used to feel like, Oh, I've got to go to every party. No, you don't. Parties are exhausting.

Oh, thank God. You don't have to go to every party. I thought there was something really wrong with me because I hate like parties, like socialization on that level with a bunch of people you don't know. Everyone's talking at once. It's like the pressure of looking around and being looked. It's just a lot. I never liked that.

Well, do you feel also like you take on everybody's energy? And then at the end of the night, you feel like, okay, now I got to scrub all these people off of me. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

And I mean, yeah.

Yeah.

It's hard to stay connected with yourself when you're in that environment a lot. And I don't know. There's people that do it constantly. And I don't know how they function, how they survive. Are they going to change later in life? I don't know. But I've always kind of been this way.

Yeah.

And I.

I have very little small talk left.

Oh my God. I think we're the same person. Wendy McClendon Covey. I just love you so much.

Dang it. Yeah.

Like I don't, I don't like small talk.

Yeah. Like let's sit down and really have a discussion. I can do that. I love that. I'm a dinner party animal. I love that. But, um, the, the surface level stuff I don't really care about. And like, I, I'm a, I'm a dork. Like I'll sit and play Monopoly with you for hours. Let's do that. You're having a puppy party. I will show up. Okay. But I just don't feel in, at this point in my life, like if I don't want to do something, it's okay.

What's going to happen? Yeah. You know, it's okay.

It's okay.

Yeah. You don't have to be present at every freaking thing. It's exhausting. It's boring. You don't have to.

And you'd rather be at home.

Yeah. I would rather be at home staring into space with a bucket of chicken.

A hundred percent. Just you and a bucket of chicken.

Exactly.

No TV, nothing necessary. I love that.

Love that. Okay.

As we round this up, I cannot wait for season three of St. Dennis Medical. Everybody should get really excited because that's coming November 2nd.

Yes. Thank you.

And I just really want to tell you thank you for spending time with us and, you know, leaving us with your insights and your wisdoms. And I love that we can have chats like this where we share our commonalities.

Yeah. Well, thanks for having me, Jenny. It means the world to me.

I'm so glad.

Okay.

Before I let you go, Wendy McClendon Covey. What was your last I choose me moment?

My last I choose me moment. I said no to a job because I just didn't see what was in it for me. So I thought, you know, good enough. Let's, let's just end this right here. There's nothing in it for me. The money is fine, but I don't want to be away from home. This just doesn't light me up in any way. I'm going to say no.

I love that.

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, you are a special lady. So I'm very happy for all of your success.

Thank you so much, Jenny.

Until our paths cross in real life. I don't know how that's going to happen because I don't leave my house very often, but maybe someday I'll hook you.

We'll go skating or something.

We'll hug it out on our roller skates. We'll love it. Thank you, Wendy.

All right. Thank you so much. Take care.

Bye. Bye.

No Kids, No Apologies: Wendi McClendon-Covey on Owning Her Choice To Live Child-free

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