Just Jennie: I’m answering the question, “How Are You?” and it’s not just “fine”

0:01 You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Gerber. Welcome back to I Choose Me. Today, it's just the two of us. So I want you to imagine that you're here hanging out with me on the I Choose Me couch. And I want to ask you a serious question today, actually. This is a question that we all seem to just rush right past. with an automatic answer of I'm fine or I'm good. It's a very simple question, but it's actually VIP. My question today is, how are you right now in this moment? I want you to take a beat and really give that some extra thought. Let's be brave enough to answer honestly and vulnerably. I'll share how I am. But we are complex And there are a lot of things going on inside of us. So the

1:05 answer to how am I doing today might be all over the place with everything that is going on in our lives. Let's dig a little deeper today, shall we? Let's give this some thought. I'll go first. How am I today? I'm feeling wildly good. Unsettled, actually. I'm actually trying, trying to choose gratitude, which means constantly redirecting my thoughts away from deeply rooted stories that aren't even true. Do you know what I mean? Like, for example, one story my mind tells me that isn't true is you're not doing enough. You should be booking jobs and climbing more ladders before it's too late. And I have to tell myself, hello, that is not true. I am writing another book. I'm maintaining my relationships with my husband and my girls and

2:09 my friends, my mom, building a brand. So no, that's not true. So yeah, what story is your mind telling you that isn't true? Take a good look at that and then say it out loud. that is not true. So back to the question, how am I? I am also fearful every day of what may happen in the world. I have to really be intentional to not dive into what ifs that can pull me right down into despair because Living in that scary place is not a fun way to live. And I'm not supposed to carry the weight of the whole world solely on my shoulders. I am also trying to every day be the mom that my girls need in this moment. They're in very different stages in life right now at 29, 24, and 20.

3:21 And so am I at 54. So there is a lot of consideration around all of that. Am I capable of listening instead of jumping in with solutions? without making it about me and my feelings around whatever is happening. Am I leading well? Do they find strength in themselves through me and my responses? I don't know. And then there's my marriage, which is also a big part of me.

3:55 Good news, you guys. I'm actually feeling secure in my marriage. I said it. This is new for me and it feels really good. But it also feels scary to say because my mind wants to reject security and go back to that fearful mindset that tells me, familiarly, stop, don't love too much or you'll get hurt or you'll feel disappointed.

4:23 It's too risky to trust. It's a weird feeling. I'm tottering between choosing joy and loving without expectations, and then feeling guilty for even being happy when so many others are suffering. Does this happen to you? Do you notice that you're happy for once, and then all of a sudden you feel bad about being happy, so you start to self-sabotage? You're not alone, okay? Let's think this one through, though.

4:57 Did you hear my conversation last week with Dr. Kelly McGonigal? I hope you'll check it out if you haven't. Her new book is Joy is a Risk Worth Taking, and it's true. Yes, joy can be a risk. She suggests a joy review. Instead of telling yourself you shouldn't trust a good thing because it could go wrong, you focus on the things that are going well. instead. And you let that lead you. Kind of like this. Instead of travel is stressful, change it to when we travel, we have a great time together. Or we have a lot of things on our to-do list around the house. It can become really tense. Instead, we can break this down and do it together. So let yourself focus on the good and not the bad. It has to become a

5:55 practice though, so it can override all of the negative noise going on in there. And you know what, guys? When I'm working this hard to choose myself, sometimes it's really hard to get motivated to work out. Right now, I'm feeling the physical and mental fallout from that. knowing I need to get back on that wagon and also feeling like a phony that I'm not practicing what I preach when it comes to choosing me. So sorry about that.

6:30 I want to be strong and independent in my golden years. Yet I hit snooze when my alarm goes off at 6 a.m. and I let myself down by not protecting my time for workouts. So this comes back to the very beginning. I have to say it out loud. This is a story that is not true. I work out a lot and when I can, I eat well and I take good care of myself. I'm doing the best I can. So back to the original question, how am I today? Today, you know what? I'm feeling discouraged. by the fact that no one seems to want to hire me as an actress. That's pretty hard to say out loud.

7:28 It's hard to share with you guys. It's very vulnerable. And yeah, I've pivoted successfully as a businesswoman and I am finding true purpose in the things that I am working on. And I'm so grateful that I get to talk to all of you through this podcast and my socials and that I'm able to create beautiful choices for women with my fashion brand. And yet, I miss acting.

7:56 I still long to be on another incredible show or in a big interesting movie. I'm trying to stay positive that the right project will come. And That it just takes that one person to believe in me and change my future. And I absolutely know that's true. I know it's coming. But I'm trying to block out the feelings of rejection and remain focused and intentional about not accepting less than I want in my career. Or who knows, maybe just letting go of that part of my career entirely.

8:39 I don't even know. And that's the thing. Sometimes we don't know. We don't have it figured out. I'm in the in between. I know there are others who feel this way. But when I ask myself, how are you today? This is how I am. I am happy. I'm unsettled. I feel secure. I'm discouraged. I'm all the adjectives. And I'm sharing this to be real and honest with you, my me family, who I know can relate because we all have different realities. I've learned so much from talking to all of you and meeting you on my I Choose Me book tour, hearing from my pod family. We are all struggling to keep it together sometimes. We are all battling our own demons. trying to keep up. That's my truthful answer to the question, how are you today?

9:44 I bet yours is as full of layers as mine is. So my challenge to you is to take some time now, if you can, and reflect on this question too. Don't be ashamed to go there and feel it instead of pushing things down. Allow yourself this moment to be honest with yourself. Even if it feels hard, you're choosing yourself by telling yourself, actually, I'm not okay today. Thank you for sitting with me and hearing me share and allowing yourself to slow down long enough to really think things through.

10:31 How are we today? I'm proud of the work we're doing here as we continue to learn to choose ourselves. Is there something in particular that you're struggling with, that you're stuck on? Let's talk about it. Call me. Call the I Choose Me hotline. It's up and running at 844-5JENNY. That's 844-553-6643. Thank you guys. I love you. And I hope we are all doing okay.