Men Are Turned OFF By This...WTF?!

Hey, everybody.

It's I Do Part 2. Your celebrity mentor, Bob Guinea, here. And I am joined by my good friend, Mr.

Right, for another episode where we're just going.

To tell it like it is. Apparently, people like that. Now, our producer has a recent TikTok. that she saw that she liked to get her feedback on. We have not heard this yet, but how are you doing Mr. Wright before we get started? Uh, how's everything going?

Going very good.

And again, I had to disclose the fact that I don't actually have Tik TOK, which apparently is not very cool, but, uh, I don't have the Tik TOK. So that's why I couldn't be prepared ahead of time for this particular segment. So I apologize for my lack of preparedness.

Well, I am right there with you, Mr.

Wright.

I think it must be an, uh, an age band thing.

Cause I too do not have the tick tock, but, um, I didn't actually listen to anything ahead of time.

I know you didn't either.

We wanted to kind of be surprised with this thing and, and give our natural guttural reaction to it.

So let's roll tape producer.

Okay.

This is going to be a dating tip for the ladies and it is not going to make sense. So just please hear me out for a second. Some of the pictures that you have on your dating app of your successes, not the inappropriate ones, about your accomplishments that show you how driven you are and how dedicated you are and everything that you've accomplished for your career and everything.

We don't like those pictures.

They get us butt.

Hurt, more or less.

It comes with a level of preconceived ideas on our part, not on yours, on our part, that certain expectations are with that type of person. And what happens is, is that we don't even give you a chance. You may not be that person in any way, shape or form, but we're not giving you a chance because of our own preconceived ideas of those accomplishments of what type of person that is. So take them down. I'm just kind of passing the message on. You can do what you want with it. Just kind of an inside view from a guy's point of view.

All right. So I get irritated sometimes when people speak for me.

Like, for example, we don't like that. Well, who the hell is he talking about? Who's we?

Does he have like a mouse in his pocket? Who's on board with this we thing?

So I'm not actually totally sure that I even know what he's talking about.

So he's saying that we, I'm assuming he means all men, that we don't want to see a picture of a woman that we may prospectively want to date doing something outside of just looking hot.

So it sounds like he's saying that we're going to get intimidated as men to if we see a woman that's doing something extraordinary and is basically doing something greater than what we think that we could accomplish.

Yes.

I think he sounds to me like a, I think that's pretty, first of all, like I said, I don't like when anybody speaks for we, the pejorative we, but I also think that this dude, I think is thinking he sounds cool by saying this, but I think it actually makes him sound pretty small.

I think so too.

I mean, I think it, it obviously there's like a level of insecurity that, that, uh, that he thinks that we all feel that we're easily intimidated when, in fact, I think that that's actually something really cool. And I think that rather than see another picture of someone's legs on the beach, I'd probably like to see the fact if there was a woman that was doing something great in her field of work or getting something in the philanthropic award or something like that.

I mean, I think that is way cooler. So I'm probably.

weirdly on the totally other end of the spectrum of this and not intimidated but rather impressed.

Same i'm exactly right there with you i think i've never actually been i've never had had the chance to do a dating app and i but i would think that if i were to look at pictures of someone on a dating app that i was interested in and the more i swipe the more i feel Like, oh, my God, this person is so accomplished.

This is incredible.

I need to meet this person. Or maybe I see things that we have in common. Like, I know you've run a marathon. You swipe a thing and you see someone who's also run a marathon. That might be something where you're like, damn, okay, we have mutual interests. Or like you said, a philanthropic event or things of that nature where it's like you're learning more about that person as opposed to just swiping because you think they're hot and they said something funny or witty in their profile.

But if you think about like in these sites, I know you haven't been on them, Bob, but like you can imagine that the majority of them are glamour shots. They are the best versions of this person in this moment. And they're not real photos. I mean, at the end of the day, I mean, they're a great photo and there's a thousand of those. But what you're always looking for is a differentiator. And you're looking for, you know, a bio that's interesting. Maybe it's funny. Maybe it has an angle. Maybe it has something that's different about it.

And I think to the opposite of what this guy was talking about is that if this woman is accomplished, if she is outstanding in a specific field or like all these different categories, that's a differentiator. That's something that I think stands out way more than another bikini picture, way more than another picture out with the drinking martinis with the girls, way more than those things that we see over and over again. So I fail to even come close to seeing his point or agree.

Yeah, this is, he clearly did not read the room when he sent this TikTok because to me.

I feel like, um, it actually, I will say this.

He says that if the, if you have these pictures on your site, that men are going to judge you, I'm actually judging him. Like in my mind, uh, I'm thinking, wow, this is a dude I have zero in common with. Like, you know, like I actually like seeing people achieve great things. And I think that, especially on an app where everybody is their best version of themselves it's kind of like instagram right like everything on instagram is it's never like today's a shitty day and if it is the person that posts that stuff that's totally not coming into my algorithm anyway but it's like i think that we've.

Seen your algorithm bob we know that oh yes yes.

That's not coming it's not coming there's a lot of other stuff in there a lot of other weirdness but um I don't think guys talk like that.

I really don't. Well, here I'm speaking in generalities as well.

Don't be the we, but I can say the we, meaning the two of us, we agree.

We absolutely agree.

I think the majority of the people we probably surround ourselves with, and I know some of your friends, and I know we have a lot of friends in common, the people we surround ourselves with, for the most part, I would guess wouldn't be impressed by that either.

I actually grew up with strong women in my life. I grew up with my sister, my mother, my wife.

They're all very strong, very opinionated women, very accomplished in their own ways. And I think that that's always been something that I've thought, like you said, is a differentiator, not only as someone I would want to date or marry or be with, but also someone I just want to surround myself with.

I think we have to separate now from diving into this topic of accomplished women and insecure men. There are lots of guys that do get insecure around women who are more powerful, more accomplished, have more money, you know, all, you know, all of those things.

I mean, that happens all of the time.

And, you know, so I totally agree that there are guys that, you know, have a tough time having a female boss, right. I have a tough time, you know, having to answer to, you know, to, to a woman. And I think that's probably only within the last 25, 30 years where we've seen more stay at home dads, which I think was totally, unheard of, you know, you know, back in like our parents' day. Um, and so I think that, um, you know, it's a little bit of old school thinking, uh, but I think it still happens for sure. I think that, uh, you know, a lot of times you will find guys that feel insecure or they don't want to be outshined by a woman.

No, I definitely think there's a lot of that. I mean, still to this day, right.

I mean, I, I remember when obviously now I'm going in the total, uh, you know, the, the extreme of this, but I remember as, as I, back in the bachelor days when I got to know Oprah and I remember everyone would always say, you know, Oh, I've heard she's such a, you know, and I'd be like, what are you talking about?

Like, she's amazing. You know, she's so nice. She's so kind. She doesn't have to be right.

And, um, but I remember also thinking at one point I would always take the angle. I'd be like, well, of course people are going to say that she's a billionaire. It's the first female billionaire. How do you think she got there? By being demanding, by expecting the best in her life, by being someone who overachieved.

How is that a negative? But it is interesting. A guy does it. He's a shark. He's a badass. A woman does it. She must be a badass.

Right.

So I think there's a lot of that. You're right. It's definitely still out there. Definitely still prevalent.

I think that, I think that to your point, you find you to a guy that's demanding a guy that's, you know, that's, you know, that's, that's asking a lot of people around them is, you know, and is tough on, you know, on, on employees are tough on family or whatever that those people around them are. If it's a guy it's expected and the guy that it's like, Oh, he's a take charge kind of guy.

Yeah.

But if it's a woman, a lot of times it's like, Oh my God, what a, you know, what a B like, Oh, I can't believe. And I think that's a double standard. And I think it's, I think hopefully over, you know, that that's going away, but it's certainly this, I think it's, I think it's still prevalent, unfortunately.

Well, I wonder, you know, how does a woman win on these sites? Like, honestly, like, you know, I mean, I think of Instagram, right? So I look at Instagram and a woman on Instagram who.

It's all about her looks. It's all about her body.

It's all about the beach, you know, guys probably in their mind are like, oh, you know, she's probably easy or she's, you know, whatever. If it's all about, you know, or how vapid, how shallow. I mean, it could be any of those things, right? She's only posted pictures of how good she looks. Then if she posts pictures about her accomplishments, now she's considered to be too driven. I mean how does a woman win on this stuff? How do they– I mean for that matter, guys too, right?

I mean I find myself– I like to think I'm an open-minded guy, but I'm probably just as judgmental about dudes. posting pictures you know looking great in a beach bod you know I'd be like come on bro have a sandwich you know it's like I mean people can't win I don't think it's even just women I think people just can't win because no matter what they post someone's going to.

Judge it yeah I think that I think it is it's a double standard I think it definitely is and I feel like you know women have a have a tough time overcoming that but hopefully like I said hopefully that there's there's we're maturing and we are evolving. And it's not quite as much of a double standard today as it was 50 years ago.

But according to.

My TikTok buddy over there, he still.

Doesn't have a tough time with it.

So who knows?

Hey, let me ask you this.

So if you've got a dating app, What are the qualities that you see that make you swipe the right way?

Like, you know, Mr.

Right probably swipes right, I would guess. And he only swipes right when things are right, right?

So I think that it's like, it's a balance. And I think that like, you know, there's a bio, there's an explanation of who the person is. And you're sort of, in that part, you're kind of looking for somebody that sticks out. Maybe there's a little bit of like humor to it, or there's a little bit of an edge to it.

Or a little self-deprecation, I think, is a good quality.

And I think that in photos and things like that, you're looking for someone that is obviously like you to a certain degree. But I think that the photos, there's got to be chemistry. I mean, let's boil it down. There's got to be some sort of attraction that happens there. But what rounds it out and what broadens it is, I think, seeing somebody that, again, has all these different kind of levels to it. And if it's six pictures of bikinis, it's like, oh, she looks amazing in a bikini, but I know nothing else about her. I don't know what else there is. So I think seeing some of that, but also seeing what real life looks like, I think is important and I think makes it more real.

If real is possible on a daily. Let me ask you this.

So as someone who has a family, when you go on and you see someone with, a family, is that appealing to you? Or is that, are you like, oh, I can't deal with somebody else's, you know, issues or whatever? Is it, is it a turn on or a turn off? Or is it just kind of like what all the other factors are more important?

No, I think, I think it's just, it's another like level of that person in a, in a snapshot, right? I mean, in a quick snapshot, you want to get the best understanding of who they are as quickly as possible and Again, I'm not going to sugarcoat it. There is attraction and chemistry or whatever that first look is when you see that person and either you're attracted or you're not. But then what adds to that are all the other things that make that person who they are.

And it's hard to do. I mean, jeez, to do it in a dating app is very, very difficult. So you're trying to kind of throw as much out there as possible to paint yourself in the best light possible. But I think that as someone looking at it, you want to understand all of those things. Because ultimately, you want to find out who that person is.

Yeah, yeah. So let me ask you this.

As a guy who's never been on an app, I am curious. Have you done an app? And if so, what's your bio like? What's your whole portfolio looking like, Mr.

Wright?

So I've never personally been on an app myself. I mean, I have helped buddies looking at apps for themselves.

I don't have a profile. I've never been on one.

But I have so many friends that have gone through in their chapter two, and they're really using these apps, and there's a variety of them, and they have different levels of success with different ones. But they've gotten very good looking at them and going through and deciphering what it is that they're looking for. There are a lot of indicators that show that someone that's on there isn't looking for a relationship. And sometimes that's, you know, it says that, but a lot of times there's just ways you can kind of tell that that's not what they're looking for. So I think that the more you're on them, I think the better you get it kind of going through and filtering what it is that you are looking

for and what a match might end up being.

Right.

Yeah.

I mean, I got to imagine it's just like dating.

It's just, you're dating virtually to a certain degree before you actually get together with someone. So it's almost like you pre-screen a candidate right before you meet him for coffee or whatever it is.

And I actually, I mean, one of my best friends is getting married this March in his second, you know, in his second chapter to a girl that he met on an app. And, and it was, it was, you know, his last first date was when they went off, you know, after their, after their meeting, after they connected on their, on their app.

And they had, it was, it's funny.

There was these kind of core things that they had in common and, that right away have kind of risen to the top as the most important things for them. And that has been their connective tissue all the way through. And it's their couple of hobbies that they have together. There's an 11-year age gap between them, but it doesn't matter.

Those things that she highlighted in her app and her profile and what he was looking for and what he highlighted kind of connected them.

And it's still the strongest piece.

Well, and that's kind of like this TikTok guy, the guy saying like, you know, the photos of all these accomplishments sets an expectation for the men who are swiping.

Well, yeah. And isn't that kind of part of it?

Like for your friend, I'm sure some of those expectations or some of those, you know, core common bonds were formed over the things that he was seeing on the app that were of interest of her.

And he was probably triggered by that. Like, all right, you know what?

I'll swipe and see if we have an attraction because we seem to both like marathons or we seem to both like you know, doing charity work, or we seem to both like kids or we both seem to both like dogs.

But I think that this guy was talking about, you know, you're going to be sitting, you know, in the audience while this other person is on stage and, you know, they're, you know, the, you know, playing second fiddle to somebody else. And, you know, Chris Rock had this great quote in, in his standup and he was talking about a relationship and he was talking about, you know, a relationship is like being in a band. And sometimes you have, you have a lead singer and, And you have a tambourine player.

So if you're singing Seeing Your Heart Out, if you're playing the tambourine though, play that tambourine. Play your ass off with that tambourine. Nobody wants to be watching a pissed off tambourine player.

So there's different roles.

And I think that this guy's worried that he's going to be the pissed off tambourine player.

Pissed off tambourine player.

Yeah. Because you don't always get to be center stage in a relationship. And if that's an issue for you out of the gate, you're going to have a tough time finding somebody that wants to spend their entire life playing tambourine.

Amen.

Get the center stage.

No, I get it, man. I get it. That is so true.

Yeah.

It's, it's definitely complicated when you start thinking about it that way.

Cause it is true, right?

You've even the person who's used to being the lead singer once in a while has to let the guitar solo go.

No, totally.

And that's what makes a relationship.

You know, it's that, it's that, you know, it's that balance and you know, the, the idea that you're willing to share the spotlight and willing to share the, the, you know, the, the stage I think is important. And, um, Yeah, I think that this guy that is worried about what life might look like if he's not the one being celebrated.

Or maybe it's just that he's worried.

About living a life that has too much expectation, that has too much challenge, that has too much go, go, go.

And not enough sitting around and letting life happen.

We're really ripping on this poor guy. Golly, you can still send your TikToks. We won't do this to everybody.

This just won't happen.

All right, Mr.

Wright, I'm going to pause this right there.

We are just scratching the surface of some great stuff, just getting into the nitty gritty.

So we're going to take a quick break. And when we return, we are going to be back with more. I do part two.

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