Why Reasoning With Toddlers Can Actually Backfire

0:00 It's not like you get three sets of kids that you get to practice on the first two and perfect it.

0:04 You only get one go at those kids. You want to get it right. My main struggle now is that he's currently figured out how to add screaming into his tantrums or just randomly when he wants attention.

0:12 You cannot pick and choose what you like from different parenting methods and expect it to work. How do I stop my child from pushing? You gotta watch him like a hawk. And now tell you what, you gotta be with him as much as possible. And when he goes to push, welcome to the Bratbusters Parenting Podcast.

0:26 My name's Lisa Bunnage. I'm a parenting coach. I'm a mom. I'm also a grandmother.

0:30 And I'm Amy Bunnage, Lisa's daughter, and I handle the marketing and planning here at Bratbusters. While I don't have kids, each episode we'll dive into parenting topics and Lisa will answer your questions. Let's get started.

0:41 Okay, sweetie pie, what is today's parenting topic? We're talking all things toddlers today. All things toddlers. Oh, well, okay, that could be pretty much anything. Maybe some maybe poop stories in there, smearing poop on a wall, one of those? Uh, not today, unfortunately, but there's a lot of other stuff.

0:57 Maybe next time.

0:58 Okay, let's talk toddlers. I think before we get into the parenting questions, I think we want to just cover a couple of things. First of all, what age do you consider to be a toddler?

1:06 Uh I've just broken it down this way: a 15 to 35 or 16 to 35 months. So from zero to 15 months, they're babies, and then 16 to 35 months, they're toddlers, and then three and four, they're preschoolers, five to eight, they are children, nine to twelve, they're preteens or tweens, and then teenagers are obvious.

1:27 Whew, that was exhausting.

1:29 I could tell. And then as far as just, I want to touch on the idea of impulse control with toddlers.

1:35 Do you think that toddlers have a ton of impulse control? Some of them do, some of them don't. Um, some of them can actually, it's not so much that they stop and think, they're just slower to get going. They they tend to just sort of look at something first. Other kids just fire away. They just run into a crab, they'll run through fire, they just don't have a stop button.

1:52 And so it really, I mean, we've both seen babies and toddlers like that, right? They just will just go for it. Whereas others are just a little bit more meek and mild. Um, both you kids were more like that. You were not kids to just run into stuff. You sort of held back a little bit and thought about it for a second.

2:07 Um, but yeah, a lot of toddlers, they're they're really completely different. But they don't have a lot of, they don't have any wisdom yet, by the way. None. They don't understand hot ovens and hot and fire and all that sort of stuff. You got to keep them safe. Um, so it's not that they're naughty that they keep trying to touch the electrical outlet.

2:21 They just don't understand their ramifications if they do. But then some of them you can just say no to them once and they'll never touch it again. But I still don't trust them, just in case.

2:30 And do you want to cover your approach to discipline for toddlers?

2:33 Um, discipline is with toddlers. So this is 16 to 35 months. It's not about words, it's about actions. And that's their language. It's I use consistent corrective actions, and it's based on repetition, repetition, repetition. It's based on the idea that they learn through a knee-jerk reaction type of thing.

2:47 It's a thought process that they use. They don't even really think about it. Let's say a toddler will touch a hot oven, like not one that burns them, but you know, they might just touch the oven that's on. It's just kind of as uncomfortable. They might touch it 10 times, but on the 11th, they won't. Something like that.

3:01 It's not so much that they're thinking about it, they've just muscle memory. They've just learned that like just it's muscle memory more than more than a thought process. So that's how they learn consistent corrective actions. So it's based on that. So what you do is every time they do something naughty, like they they pick something up and throw it across the room, you say no and you remove them from the fun or the fun from them.

3:19 If they haven't got any fun going on, you just say no and then you just walk away. Okay, you remove yourself. So you just say one word. And I said it's not about words, it's about actions, but but the the word no signifies the start of an action. And you just say, and you can even just say it like no, like that.

3:34 You don't have to say it sternly. A lot of parents think that they need to use this stern voice. I never did. Like it's just like nope, you know, sort of like that, like very final, no, like that. And then you just take action.

3:45 And then one last thing I want you to touch on before we get into the parenting questions is you talk about, of course, the discipline, but the love cup being full.

3:53 Yeah. Okay, fun is their love language. Play, goofy, laughter, they love all that stuff. That's a fills them up. If they're not filled up, they're gonna try and fill up another way by getting you angry. They're gonna go for heightened emotions, and it can either be fun or the other way. So if you're not playing with them and filling up their love cup in their world, okay, you're not going to the nail salon with them, you're going to the park and rolling down the hill with them, and you're doing something all in their world.

4:15 Don't try and bring them into your world. You go into their world. And then you fill up that love cup, they feel very loved, they've had fun, you've been laughing with them, they're a lot less likely to act out. So you fill up the love cup, and then the discipline usually is easier because they don't have as much reason to be naughty.

4:30 They'll, if they're not getting enough of the positive stuff, they're gonna go for the negative because toddlers instinctively want attention. Don't we all? We all do, but yeah. Good point.

4:42 Uh okay. Do you want to get into the parenting questions? Good idea. The first one here is Wendy from the United States. Hi, I'm raising my 20-month-old boy in a bilingual Spanish-English home. I notice he gets really frustrated when he tries to communicate and then throws a fit. I switch between languages while correcting his behavior.

4:58 To keep discipline clear, should I stick to just one language for rules? How can I best manage code switching when emotions are high?

5:04 You could literally now, I don't have a set idea on this, and I don't think anyone can really answer that, um, in that they're all different too. But a lot of kids, no matter if you're using three languages, will not get upset when you discipline. Some kids will get upset with one language. So I think it's more personality than the languages.

5:19 But what you could do is make it very clear that when you're disciplining, you're only using one of the languages. You could do it that way, just to make it more clear. I was gonna try and say something in Spanish and I realized I'd mess it up, so I didn't want to embarrass. I don't mind, I usually don't care if I embarrass myself, but this one I'm not going to.

5:35 I don't wanna, I don't wanna uh be you know disrespectful towards the Spanish language.

5:39 Yeah, let's keep it.

5:41 I was gonna try and say something in in Spanish and then in English, and I thought that's not gonna work. Anyway, so yeah, I would I might stick just to be consistent, stick with one language when you're disciplining.

5:50 Okay, the next one is Nabila from the United States. I have a very strong-willed 35-month-old daughter. When she gets upset because we don't give her what she wants, or when it's time for bed or she doesn't want to go, her reaction is often to scratch, pinch, or hit me. She'll even announce that she's doing it, such as saying, I'm hitting mummy or I'm pinching mummy.

6:06 We've been dealing with this consistently for about a month now. It happens most often around bedtimes. She naps well during the day and doesn't seem overtired, as she usually still takes about 20 minutes to fall asleep after putting her after being put to bed. When she becomes aggressive, I usually tell her that we're leaving the room and we'll come back when she's ready to be kind.

6:23 Sometimes this just leads to tears, which we don't react to. We may leave the room for a minute or not at all depending on the situation, but we will always create distance between her and us so we don't get hit. I'm wondering if I should continue handling it this way or if there's one thing that's more effective.

6:37 One thing that it confuses me is that she doesn't behave this way at daycare. She never hits anyone there, and when she's upset because a toy or work material isn't available, she recovers quickly and moves on. Another challenge is that when she's upset upset, she'll often yell no daddy. If that happens, I usually ask my husband to leave the room because she seems to be rejecting him.

6:55 If she stays, if he stays, she will tend to escalate. Sometimes she says it when he's trying to actively comfort her, other times it appears to be out of nowhere. Is this typical behavior for her age? And how should we respond to both physical regression and the no daddy or even no mommy behavior?

7:10 Well, just ignore the ignore the no dad. She says no daddy and he disappears. Boy, she's in charge. Holy moly. No freaking way would I let daddy leave the room when she says no daddy. No way, no way. She's completely in charge in that situation. Just because she says no daddy, if she gets upset, that's her superpower.

7:27 It bothers you. At daycare, they don't get upset when she does, okay? They just keep doing what they gotta do. She follows you're you're allowing her to uh emotionally control you. Okay, now if she's hitting and pinching you and do and being very aggressive towards you, you just say no and turn her away from you so she can't continue to do so.

7:43 Then just put her to bed if she's going, if it's bedtime, say goodnight, love you, and then leave the room. Okay. She's gonna learn eventually that she can't upset you, and that's what she's going for. It obviously is upsetting you, it doesn't upset the daycare ladies, they're more experienced. That's why it's not working with them, and that's why she doesn't even try.

7:58 They don't tend to do what they know isn't gonna work for sure at this age.

8:01 Okay, the next one, Sarah from the United Kingdom. How do I stop my child from pushing? He's a twin at 22 months old. It used to be just his brother, but recently now he's pushed another child.

8:11 Oh, okay. So he's physically aggressive. You just gotta be, you gotta watch him like a hawk. And now tell you why, you gotta be with him as much as possible. And when he goes to push, say no. Treat an attempted push as a naughty, as a naughty behavior. You say no and then you take him, when you remove him from the other kid right away.

8:27 Okay, and you say nope and then you pull him away, have him sit with you. It's not time out because he's with you, it's time with you. And then you're just sitting, holding him back, and then you put him back in the mix with the other kids and you watch him like a hawk. You're right there. When he goes to push again, you say nope and you pull him away again.

8:41 Keep doing that. The reason why I'm saying you got to be right there. This is a job you want to, you want to treat it like a job. It should take about a week before you really cure him of this. It might even take a bit longer, but give it a full week where you're just on top of this. Because if he gets a few pushes in, he's gonna keep doing it.

8:56 It becomes muscle memory. They get used to doing it. And if he gets away with one, he's gonna try and get away with 20. You want to be right there on top of it whenever it's possible, okay? And if you if he does push and you don't and you see it, but you can't get to him, pretend you didn't see it. If he thinks you saw it and you didn't take any action, he's gonna, he's just gonna see that as a fail on your part.

9:16 Oh, by the way, if he if he's around other kids, don't let it go. But if it's the twin, if he hasn't really hurt someone, he's just pushed and you can't get to him, that's when if it's at home and it's just his twin that he pushed, it's not other kids, you always want to address it. But if it's your own kid, you can maybe let it go just by t pretending you didn't see it.

9:32 But if he keeps going for it, you gotta jump in.

9:34 Okay, the next one's Ava from the United States. 15-month-old boy likes to pick up his pillow and blanket and drop them over the side of his crib while being laid down to sleep for both naps and bedtime. When he first started doing this, I would let it drop once, pick it up, and say no firmly but calmly, and proceed to stop future drops and repeat no every time he tried to do it again.

9:51 He's been doing this for about one to two weeks now, and at this point, I've stopped letting him get the first drop in. I also will say no about four times before walking out of the room entirely, which results in him crying for about 10 seconds before settling down on his own. I should also clarify that I don't lay down with him when he has high energy, and we have a routine that we go through before he enters the crib.

10:10 I'm worried he thinks it's a game, but with him still so young, I don't know what else to do, if there's even anything else I can do to stop it.

10:17 Well, I didn't listen to anything past the point that he throws out the pillow and blanket, just say, whoops, and then leave the room. Leave it on the ground. He'll fall asleep. If he's tired, he'll fall asleep. He doesn't need the pillow and blanket. After he's fallen asleep, I'm assuming you have a nanny cam, then you're watching him.

10:32 As soon as he falls asleep, then you can go and put the blanket on him. Oh yeah, if he throws it over the edge, he it's not something he needs, okay? He can fall asleep without a pillow and a blanket. And then once he's asleep, then you put it on top of him. Yeah, easy. He'll stop doing it when you stop.

10:45 He's just trained you like a circus monkey. You just keep picking it up over and over and over again. He's having a blast.

10:51 Okay. The next one's Christina from the United States, 35-month-old boy. What kind of consequences are good for the next morning when a child won't follow their bedtime routine? He resists taking a bath at bedtime. He runs around and loves the chase when I wrestle him into the bath. My husband husband and I play hard with him, so I don't think he needs the energy outlet.

11:09 I took away the nighttime story one night, but we still cuddled in bed and chatted. He also runs away when it's time to get dressed in the morning. He believes it's a game. I've started restraining him from running away until he stopped laughing, giggling, and whining. I'm not sure if this is the appropriate approach.

11:23 Okay, the bedtime, uh just do one at a time. Do the bedtime first. So you just say, and then you say, what's an appropriate consequence? There is no appropriate concept consequence, just have one. I think what you're after is a you want a natural consequence, one that fit that punishment should fit the crime.

11:36 That's ridiculous. It doesn't have to be that way at all. The punishment does not have to fit the crime. It can be any, it could be like he has to clean out the kitchen sink. How old is he? 35 months. Okay, it could just be he has to sweep something. He's 35 months. I would go on the behavior board at that stage.

11:49 If it's because you said you've already got the be the bedtime routine going, it sounds like. So, and then you ask for a specific consequence. So I'm assuming you're already using the behavior board. Anyway, I don't recommend it till they're 36 months, but if he's a bit early, that's okay. Anyway, so then you just the next morning just get them to do a good deed, a little chore around the house.

12:06 It does not have to fit the crime. I know that that's really popular out there. I don't know anyone else out there who's teaching parenting or anything, but I've heard from clients that a lot of parents, a lot of people teach that that it should be a natural consequence. It could be, but it has nothing to do with it.

12:20 It doesn't matter at all.

12:21 I think that I'm hearing a lot of commonalities between the questions and the sense of toddlers doing things that are maybe a little bit naughty that they think is fun in a game.

12:38 Well, especially that one, because he does not need that blanket so or that pillow to fall asleep. Okay. He'll learn. Um, when it stops, when you stop playing the game, he'll stop initiating it. So yeah, he's just in charge. He's having a riot. Yeah, yeah, a lot of parents give their toddlers not enough credit sometimes, and other times they give them too much.

13:00 Um, they don't tend to give them enough credit when it comes to playtime. They have great imaginations. You should be following them more. But when it comes to discipline, you tend to give them a lot more power. They know what they're doing, they but they want that and they don't like that. So they got to go to bed.

13:14 You know, you tend to give them too much power and too much control where it's not needed. Playtime, yeah. You want to give them more power and control when you're playing with them and they're and they're all good. But at bedtime, no. If he's throwing that blanket out, good night, love you, and I'd close the door.

13:26 I'd out I'd go, wouldn't even think about it.

13:29 The next one's Ashley from the United States. Son just turned two and has dealt with being deaf for most of his life. Have you ever dealt with a speech delay child who can't really communicate and speaks 10 words? He knows American sign language, but doesn't sign first, only responds when I sign first.

13:43 How do I go about being a leader when you can't properly communicate with your child, nor if he's not understanding due to hearing or speech delay?

13:50 So he understands what you're saying, but if he doesn't, if he can't hear you properly. But remember what I said, it's not about words with toddlers, it's about actions. He can still see you. There's nothing wrong with his eyesight, I'm assuming. Just follow through with consistent corrective actions, and that's it.

14:04 He's watching you anyways. Not listen, they're not listening at that age anyway. It's all about watching you and what you do.

14:09 Okay, the next one's anonymous. I'm currently a have a 19-month-old and a two-month-old baby. The 19-month-old is entering the tantrum era. Yay. I've been taking your advice on trying to approach these new behaviors, and it's still a work in progress, but the ignoring and redirection does help me get through them faster compared to when I was trying to talk to him during.

14:27 Anyways, my main struggle now is that he's currently figured out how to add screaming into his tantrums, or just randomly when he wants attention, like when I'm feeding the baby or doing housework rather than playing with him. How do I get him to quit screeching when he's throwing a fit or wanting attention?

14:41 I don't want to yell back at him because I feel like that would just feed into it, or model the same behavior I'm trying to get him to quit. So I've been trying to ignore it. But then I don't know if I'm that's just letting him get away with it more, or coming across like I'm not correcting my kid's behavior.

14:55 I don't know. I'm new to this and I don't want to mess him up in the long run and let him become a brat.

15:00 I do this every single time you say anonymous. What do I do? You write it down like a name. I write down the names every single time she says it's anonymous. I'm like, anonymous. Every time. Anyway, okay, so it's the screeching is what you're trying to stop. I would have a really consistent, okay, how old is he?

15:17 19 months old. A really consistent action. So I would look away and walk away slowly and calmly every time he screeches. And then when he's quiet, then I would re-enter the room and talk to him. But as soon as he screeches, you go, whoops, and you look away and walk away. He'll start to put that together.

15:32 That screeching gets me zero attention, but not screeching will get me attention. It's repetition. You got to do it over and over and over again.

15:40 I think as well, I do want to note the well, two things. Mom, first of all, what are your thoughts on the word brat?

15:47 Well, I don't like it. Um, I think it's name-calling, it's bullying, and it's shaming and blaming. I can't stand it. Now. Do you see the irony? The name of my company is bratbusters. And I thought it was funny. And uh years and years ago, when I was working with troubled teens, they said you're always busting brats.

16:05 And I never called them a brat, but they did. You're always busting brats. So that's where it goes back to. So it was supposed to be funny. Also, um, I don't want to work with anyone who doesn't have a sense of humor. So if you can't take the name of my company and see that it's funny, you're never gonna like me anyway.

16:18 So it's sort of right up front, you either get it or you don't. And if you're very offended by that, you're never gonna like me anyway. So that's why. I'm not afraid of mixing stuff up a little bit.

16:28 The other thing I want to note is just that you said you're new to this. I think that is most parents are just learning as they go.

16:36 It's not like you get three sets of kids that you get to practice on the first two and perfect it. You only get one go at those kids. You want to get it right. I strongly suggest if you like me, you just follow me and nobody else and just try what I'm doing for about three weeks. If it doesn't work and you hate me, just say she's an idiot and move on to someone else.

16:52 Don't get all mixed up by looking at tons of different parenting methods. We're gonna contradict each other. It does like my work, mine works as a very specific system. And if you were to throw time out into my method, it would tank because I hate it. I think it's mean. But maybe someone else is teaching their own system, it might work well in their system.

17:08 You cannot pick and choose what you like from different parenting methods and expect it to work. It's like dieting. You can't go to two or three different diet centers and expect to lose any weight. Okay, you can't just pick and choose what you like. So just follow me, or if you hate me, follow someone else.

17:21 Um, and just and it should be someone that you feel that you resonate with and you'll actually follow through. Don't just follow me because you find me entertaining or whatever. I I would rather you listen and then maybe take action and give it a go, see how it works. Okay. I teach leadership parenting calm leadership parenting.

17:35 I invented all this stuff, kids taught me all this. I've never read a book on it, I've never read a book on kids or parenting or anything. Kids taught me all this, teenagers taught me all this, how to treat kids. I give respect to get it. So if this doesn't suit you, move on. Move on to someone that and just follow them then, okay?

17:50 It's really important to just give it a few weeks, see how it goes. And if it doesn't work for you, move on to someone else. Doesn't mean that my method isn't good, means that maybe it just wasn't set for you, okay? Or maybe you don't like maybe my method isn't going to work with you. But I either way, I would say just follow one person at a time.

18:05 Don't mix it all up. I you know, I follow people in business all the time. Do you know how many can conflicting advice, how much conflicting advice you get out there? This is the way that you run a run a company. This is the way you run a company. They're all different. It gets so do you do that too?

18:19 We look at business advice and it's so confusing. You know, you're just gonna get confused. But once you're in it and you kind of know what you're doing in business or parenting, then you can branch out. You might get some ideas because you already know what you're doing. You're already stable, right?

18:32 So yeah, that's how kind of I feel about business now. I feel a bit more stable. But when I was first starting out, I was looking up when I was new to it, I was looking up all these different ideas on how you start a business. They were all conflicting, they were all different, contradicting each other.

18:45 It was so frustrating. So I never really found one person that I really followed, which would have made it a lot easier.

18:50 I think that's actually the more confusing part, is because the time when you're the most confused is probably when you are taking in so many different opinions. Like I feel like when you're more set in it, you're probably not searching it up as much.

19:02 Well, and I tell whenever I get someone for coaching, they say, Oh, it works so well. Coaching's made all the difference. Okay. Then I'll I'll sometimes say to them, is it because I'm the only one you're listening to now? So I'm not trying to undersell myself, but it's true. And they'll say, Well, yeah, we've committed to you because we've paid you all this money and we're just going with you for now.

19:19 I said, Well, that's why. That's one of the reasons why it's working so well. So once you've committed to one method, it's more likely to work.

19:26 Okay, the next one is Stefan from Australia. How to train a two-year-old out of repetitive, loud questions until you respond. So, for example, daycare picks up pickups. The educator's trying to talk to me on my son's day, and the son keeps on saying repeatedly and loudly and reaching up, up, I want to go in the car multiple times.

19:41 I only respond when I'm done talking to the educator. I won't let him interrupt, but it's very disruptive. He's not as loud as or as disruptive at home, and I try to ignore him, but I must be doing something wrong.

19:51 That's not about repetitiveness, that's about interrupting, okay? And you're doing it right. You're just ignoring him while you might say just a minute. So you're letting him know that you heard the first time, and then you ignore and you just keep talking to the teacher, okay? And teachers are used to this, they know how to talk over kids, okay?

20:07 You just ignore. That's not about um repetitive, that's about uh just um interrupting. So yeah, just don't let it happen. Don't don't let your conversation be interrupted. Just ignore them. Don't look at him too. If you look at him, he's winning. As soon as you look at him or talk to him, once you've said nope, just a minute, as if you look at him and talk to him after that, you're on the low road with him.

20:27 He's on the low road while he's interrupting. You stay on the high road. Yeah, okay. So yeah. And when you said just a minute, that is the high road. Stick to it. Don't look at him, don't talk to him.

20:35 Okay, the next one's Michelle from the United States. Sons two and a half. At home, I find that if I remain present during a tantrum, they last longer and are more intense. If I step out of the room, he usually comes out of it relatively quickly. Is it necessary to stay with them during a tantrum if they are safe and within earshot?

20:51 Um, that depends. Um, if you leave if you want to leave the room, that's fine. You can do that. So then it just stops. Well, then that's okay. You're ignoring the tantrum. I guess it can work. It's not my method, it's not my preferred method, but sometimes in coaching stuff will be quite different because I'm working with those people.

21:06 So I can work with exceptions more. And sometimes it is more appropriate to actually just, but you want to wander out and look like you're just off to do something. You don't want to wander off and angry in anger. So he's two and a half. He's a little bit older. He's not like, you know, uh 18 months or something.

21:20 So yeah, you could you could just wander off and go and do the dishes or something. So that is ignoring the tantrum. The thing that I want you to do, though, is I want you to connect after it's done. So as soon as he comes in the room and he's all calm, I want you to talk to him then and don't discuss the tantrum.

21:33 If you discuss it, now you're in it, you're in the low road, and all, you know, I don't talk about tantrums. I don't talk about attitude or tantrums. Tantrums are not bad behavior that needs to be corrected. It's something that needs to be managed. It's not bad behavior, it's a loss of emotional control, not getting their own way.

21:46 And of course, making sure they're safe and all that. She already said that. Okay. Bethany from the United States, 28 month old, is more mild temperament, cares a lot about being good and doing the right thing. The trouble I have is how to respond with her reactions when she is wronged. For example, she may be focused on doing something, and her cousin or another child at the park will do something naughty, like take something away, or maybe push her.

22:06 When that happens, my two year old gets. Mad and they will hit or yell at them. Sometimes the other parent will step in, but I'm surprised at how often they don't, and I'm left often left getting onto my child for hitting. I don't like to necessarily give her a consequence when she was wronged first, but at the same time, that's life and she can't hit.

22:21 Do I take the toy back for the other child or tell the other child to not push my child first? What are your thoughts?

22:27 You do not tell another child what to do if the parent is there. If you're in charge of the kids, then you can take it's a little bit different with someone else's kid, but yeah, you can control that. But if the other parents are there, there's nothing you can do. The only thing I might say is I if I saw it escalating and I knew that my kid was gonna get hit or something or gr or gonna grab something, I'd say, I'll tell you what, let's just go play over here.

22:47 I said, I might say, Oh, things aren't going very nicely here. Let's go play over there. So I would pull my kid away, unfortunately. That's what I would do. I've been in that situation lots of times. My kids have never hit. They either have it in them or they don't. It's just something they're born with, right?

23:00 But it wasn't that. It's just if my kids were gonna, if someone was gonna be nasty to my kids, I would just remove my kid. No, I would never try and attempt to discipline someone else's kid if the parent was there. And even then, if if they're not there, it's different.

23:11 Okay, we have one final question. So Lexi from the United States, two-year-old won't stop hitting the dog or jumping on or near the dog. We remove her and tell her no, but she thinks it's funny and a game. We've been doing this for weeks now, and she still thinks it's a game and funny. She intentionally does it.

23:25 She doesn't hit anyone or else and or do this to other dogs, just owls. What do we do?

23:30 Oh, you're gonna hate my answer. I cannot handle animal abuse. I always had animals around my kids, and they knew it and they knew you never pick up the dog because they could have dropped her by accident, and you never run past the birdcage. They used to literally they go to run around the house and then they'd slow down and walk by the past the birdcage because I didn't want the bird to be startled.

23:47 If I couldn't control my kids around an animal, I would rehome my animal. Okay? So you use consistent corrective action every time if she goes for the dog, even you're probably letting her get to the dog too often. I would prevent that. I would say nope. I wouldn't say use nice hands, all that garbage.

24:01 I hate all that stuff. It's so ridiculous. Um, it doesn't change anything. So you just keep removing her from the dog whenever every time she goes near the dog and just say, nope, nope, for now, keep her away from that dog. She will start to clue into the fact it's because she's been mean to the dog.

24:15 You're just gonna have to get on top of that or rehome the dog, either permanently or temporarily. Okay, well, that was it for the parenting questions. Okay, I think that's about it. So, what was the topic? Just toddler stuff, wasn't it? Just general toddler stuff. Yeah, it is a really wild age because they're not predictable, they're not controlling themselves, they don't really have that frontal lobe developed where they can stop and think before they act.

24:33 That's why we don't have the behavior board until they're three years old. They need consistent corrective action, but the main thing is you want to have a lot of fun with them because connection is everything. You want to connect with them in their world. They love uh silly stuff, goofy stuff, physical stuff.

24:47 Um, love fun is their love language. And when you fill up that cup, you're a lot less likely to have the naughty stuff, okay? So, but you're still gonna get it sometimes. They're just toddlers, they're exercising their wings, they're trying to find their own power and their own place in the world. It's completely normal.

25:00 So just try and stay calm, at least on the outside, and do your best. Happy parenting. We'll talk again soon about another parenting topic. Bye now.

25:08 Thanks for tuning in. If you're ready to dive deeper, check out Bratbusters.com to learn more about the behavior board, parenting courses, and private 101 coaching with Lisa. If you've enjoyed the show so far, we'd love it if you could take a moment to follow, rate, and review us on your favorite podcast platform.

25:25 Your feedback helps us reach more parents just like you. The information provided in this podcast is for general informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional advice. Lisa is a parenting coach, mom, and grandmother. She is not a licensed psychologist or counselor. Her services do not replace the care of psychologists or other healthcare professionals.

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