Monday Moments - From Ep: Is It Men or Women that are the prize? With Sarah Fontenot-Shorter

0:00 It's your girl, Sarah Shorter, host of the It's Giving podcast. And welcome to Monday Moments. In case you've missed a juicy throwback episode, tune into this small clip right now. And you never really know what you'll get other than the real, the raw, the raggedy, and the rants. Make sure to click the link in the description below to hear the rest of the episode. Now let's get into it.

0:26 Why is it that there are very little men out here thinking that their happiness isn't important in relationships.

0:37 I think men think that their happiness isn't important because women make the whole world revolve around them. And oftentimes when men try to express themselves, their emotions are weaponized against them. As an example, let's say that we have A man that really feels a way about you going out late. You don't like when I go out late, but when I bring it up to you going out late, it's a problem. Or you don't like that I am, um, you know, working super late, but how are we going to pay for the house? So I feel like men don't have a safe space of expressing the issues and the woes that they have in relationships. And as soon as they do, the woman plays victim. Here's a freaking example.

1:22 Oh, Lord.

1:23 When I start talking about how women that are more masculine need to have a more feminine man, how when I say women, you haven't minded your tone, you don't know how to bring it down, you're disrespectful, you're rude, you're condescending, and you're entitled. How come women can't say, oh, you know what? That's an opportunity for me to grow.

1:43 You know what they say?

1:48 They say, sorry. They say, I don't.

1:51 Need no man anyway. These men ain't about nothing anyway. Why would I want to be with the man anyway? Have you seen the dating pool? The dating pool is trash. You literally have just deflected every part of accountability that you have to take.

2:06 Every part of it. So men have learned not to, it's easier to have a household that way. I'm not going to fight.

2:12 I'm not going to fight you in this house because men would rather have peace. So their way of having peace is by not expressing themselves and just by choosing not to be happy, which is not fair.

2:23 It's not fair.

2:24 So, okay.

2:26 I get what you're saying.

2:27 Uh-huh.

2:29 So, okay.

2:31 So I'm just going to straight up ask, is it important for men to be happy in their relationships?

2:36 It's the most important.

2:38 There are large amounts of men that will disagree with you.

2:41 No, I think large amounts of men have gotten conditioned to feeling like their happiness doesn't matter.

2:47 But that whole happy wife, happy life is BS. It's happy spouse, happy house.

2:54 If you aren't looking at it from a space of we are here to serve each other, that's why two out of.

3:00 Three marriages end in divorce.

3:02 And the craziest part is most divorces are initiated by the women, which brings me to another point.

3:09 This right here, my mind is blown. Women have... Such dysregulated emotions.

3:18 Wait, what do you mean by that? They do.

3:20 They have such dysregulated emotions that they'll say, I'm leaving this thing because I'm not happy.

3:27 What the hell does that mean? What do you mean you're not happy? Oh my God, he didn't. And this whole like woke community, this I need to feel seen, heard, and I need to be acknowledged 100% of the time. That's why you're single. Sarah. That's your problem.

3:43 Sarah.

3:43 If you think a person is supposed to get you 100% of the time, if you think that a person is supposed to make you happy 100% of the time, stay single.

3:51 Don't get married.

3:51 Sarah.

3:52 Don't date.

3:52 Don't even get to know anybody because you don't even make yourself happy 100% of the time.

3:57 How do you expect a man to do this? I'm so sick and tired of it.

4:01 What?

4:01 You keep Sarah in me.

4:03 What?

4:03 Because you said you tired of the women who wants to be seen, heard, and felt.

4:10 You used to be like that.

4:11 No, I didn't.

4:12 Sarah. No, I did not.

4:13 Sarah.

4:14 No, I did not, Anissa.

4:15 Okay. 100% of the time, I have never had this fake fairy tale idea that I'm supposed to be happy all the time. Do you know that my dad went through stage four cancer, ruptured a disc in his back? My parents have battled it out. Ride or die is what I know, what I believe, and what I am holding on to. And I would rather ride or die with someone that I actually like, which means that man actually has to be happy, which means I have to be mindful.

4:40 Of his needs as well.

4:42 It's okay for me to get stung. There are sometimes Brock says some stuff to me and I'm like, damn, like, ouch. Golly, you didn't have to say it like that. Because he's very direct and I'm very sensitive. And also how he feels matters. How I feel matters.

4:58 But feelings, ultimately, they're just signals to where we need healing.

5:03 So, okay, so should a man already be happy in life before he starts dating or should he look for... look towards happiness once he feels like he found a woman to be happy with.

5:13 I think all people should be happy before they start dating.

5:16 But Sarah, if a man has any emotion, he is labeled as a weak, weak man.

5:21 And that is the problem.

5:23 And that's why a lot of these females, that's why a lot of these females get cheated on. That's why a lot of these females, and not to say that cheating is at the fault of the woman, because sometimes it's not.

5:33 Sometimes it's just the cheaters don't cheat. It just is what it is.

5:36 And also, sometimes women emasculate men so much. They make that man feel like a coward or a little boy for just expressing their own desires.

5:46 That is a problem. And it's not okay.

5:49 But mind you, you have all your standards. You have your long laundry list of all the things that you need.

5:56 It's not realistic. People are not realistic. It drives me crazy.

6:01 I literally sometimes I hear women and I hear their list or they'll be like Sierra's prayer.

6:06 She got lucky. And also she's the exception to the rule. Most of y'all are not Sierra.

6:12 Wait a minute. No, no.

6:14 Wait, how is Sierra the exception to the rule? Because her in future, she got baby mama once.

6:20 Which is crazy. He was a bad boy.

6:22 I think, I think, and I don't know her, but what I do know is I've met her in real life. She has the kindest feeling spirit.

6:30 You know, people you just get around, it's like, oh, you just feel kind. Like, you just feel nice.

6:36 That is an exception in a world where everyone is mean and entitled and nasty.

6:42 She is an exception to the rule.

6:43 But she's... Okay. Okay.

6:46 You said on this show that if you got baby mama, it's better for you to go and stay with your baby daddy.

6:51 I have said that.

6:52 Right.

6:52 And also, in her case, not really the case.

6:55 I would never want to marry a future.

6:58 Never. Ever.

6:59 Couldn't pay me.

7:01 Damn. Ever.

7:02 Bless his heart. I don't know him personally.

7:04 But from what I've seen, from the outside looking in, this goes back to like women in music, right? Rappers in music. From the outside looking in, you don't look like high value to me. You look high earning to me.

7:15 You don't look like you even value what values you back.

7:18 And sometimes we as women can get caught up in that whole bad boy thing, but it's not conducive. I want to read this question from Brandon Q8X said, I love my wife emotionally, physically, and mentally. However, she lacks financial discipline and it's causing financial strain that is impacting the other aspect. Do you have any suggestions or advice? Um, Brandon, yes, I would say Put her on a budget.

7:49 That's what I would say.

7:50 What do you mean put her on a budget?

7:55 Put her on a budget. Say no.

7:57 Y'all need to have a family meeting and come together and you need to put your foot down because if it is now affecting the good of the colony, this is a problem. And any woman that he said she's emotionally, mentally, spiritually sound, then she should be wise enough to say, oh, okay, let me chill out for a second.

8:15 What do you need?

8:16 What are you even buying that you need to put your family at risk for? So I would just have the conversation and say, baby, we need to sit down and we need to go over our finances because there's some things that are really sticking out to me. I love you and I want you to be happy. But right now in this season, we might need to tone it down a little bit.

8:32 Yeah, that would be my question. Like, is she ignorant to the bills? I don't know. That would be my question.

8:36 The bills is the man's job.

8:37 What are you talking about? Yeah, but she can't be ignorant to them. She ought to know what's going on.

8:40 So do you know what's going on with the bills?

8:41 I don't. I mean, kind of.

8:43 Yeah, I do.

8:43 Yeah, exactly my point.

8:44 She don't know nothing.

8:45 I do. She know what's going on. She might not know. No, I do.

8:48 No, I don't know every single little thing, but I know how much the household is.

8:52 I know.

8:53 Because I know if anything were to happen, what do I need to come up with? You know? So I say that to say that you got to be willing to have those hard conversations with your girl. You got to be willing to hold her accountable. Put her up against the fire. Raise the mirror. And men.

9:13 They said take it to Dollar Tree.

9:15 Hilarious. No, men, y'all got to know that your feelings matter too. How you feel matters too. What's important to you matters too. What's good for the colony matters too.

9:28 What's good for the goose is good.

9:29 For the gander.

9:31 Period.

9:31 One more.

9:32 They're saying Russell Wilson is a saint.

9:35 Russell Wilson is not a saint.

9:36 Okay, first of all.

9:37 He is the best husband on the planet.

9:39 Let me say this. For the single.

9:41 jaded, will never be wifed women that call that man a simp.

9:45 These are the men. These are the men, just to be clear. The women want that. The women is trying to send these men out. No, the women don't want that. And us men, that's what we're struggling with. The women want futures.

9:52 That's the problem.

9:53 For a second, and then when they're done with the futures, when they get baby mama by futures, then they look for a Wilson.

9:59 And you know what? A Russell usually don't want you after you got baby mama. You should have wanted him when he wanted you.

10:04 In the first place.

10:04 That's not true because Russell Wilson.

10:06 Man, come on now.

10:06 She is the exception to the rule. Most of us are not the exception. Most of us are not the exception.

10:13 You've got to be realistic.

10:15 It's Giving Podcast is a production of the Black Effect Podcast Network.