I SKIPPED my friend's wedding to AVOID my ex... because he used to stalk me! -r/relationships | Reddit Stories | EP3081

0:00 Hey, this is Angie.

0:01 And this is Kion, your favorite OK Storytime host, and we've got great stories coming right up.

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0:11 I skipped my friend's wedding to avoid my ex because he used to stalk me.

0:16 That's wild.

0:17 I received the online save the date, and of course replied yes. Then I was scrolling through the guestbook and saw my ex's name. When I saw his enthusiastic reply of yes, my heart figuratively stopped. I felt cold inside, and I started hyperventilating. The ex, this man, mistreated me for months, isolated me from my friends and family, and used me for money, and then cheated on me. He made me feel crazy for confronting him about his substance use.

0:45 No, you just were crazy.

0:49 About the girls hanging around him. I eventually stopped asking him because I wanted to keep him happy. When he moved away for a few months and we were long distance, he had friends that would report back to him if I went out with friends. He would confront me on our Skype chats about me being out with guy friends, unchaperoned.

1:08 and would forbid me to go out without a chaperone. I eventually caved and didn't go out with any of my friends unless they were the girls he knew or I just stayed home. I lost contact with many friends and my family, but then we were engaged and something broke in me when I realized I would have to give up everything to be with him and I envisioned myself not wanting to have our future together. By the way, this comes from MNT Throw. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit. I'm Savannah.

1:38 I'm Riley.

1:39 And we're here to talk about some stuff, maybe get some advice, maybe cry a little, laugh a little. I don't know. I don't know what's going to happen. But your job here is to listen and respond in the comments. And our job is to tell you right this minute. As OP says.

1:54 Also, I'm being sarcastic. This is a horrible person. If anyone hasn't picked up on that yet.

2:00 When I finally broke it off for good with him, he had previously installed a keylogger into my phone and computer.

2:06 Oh my god!

2:08 What is that?

2:09 A keylogger tracks every single key that you press on your phone and your computer.

2:16 Why would you need that?

2:18 So you can track messages that they might be sending, track whatever they're typing. If you search anything up on Google, it'll show like, oh, at 5.02 a.m., this person typed in XYZ thing and then clicked on that.

2:30 Is that what people would use for an office to make sure people are staying on task? Who uses that professionally?

2:39 Professionally? That's a great question. I could see that professionally. That's what they do if it's a highly secure thing that they do that. The people that are more in the tech thing, it's just a way to keep up with, oh, what is someone saying about me? What are they doing? This is used in a really bad way.

2:57 Yeah, I see. Anne was able to see everything I sent and did. He kept pestering me everywhere, so I notified his mom. I told her that if he contacted me again, I was going to the cops. She said she would take care of it. A few nights later, I went to a late movie by myself and got a call saying he was right outside my apartment. He saw my light on and just wanted to talk. I was not there at the time. He had a history of stalking and previous allegations of doing the same things to his ex-girlfriends. The next day, I started the proceedings to get a restraining order out on him. Fun fact, they are really hard to get. The order of protection was granted for one year and I have moved on.

3:38 I got a new laptop, phone, and changed my address. He was blocked on Facebook and I deleted all of our mutual Facebook friends so they couldn't report back to him on me. Now, seeing him RSVP to a mutual friend's wedding threw me off kilter. My current boyfriend was unable to attend with me due to work, so I didn't want to go alone. Oh, I meant to email the groom and explain how I didn't want my drama to overshadow his wedding and that he may not have been aware of the crazy ex-drama that happened a couple of years ago, but I saved it as a draft and never dealt with it.

4:13 Okay, you got to. She's going to let this guy run your life. Say something.

4:18 I pushed it back to my mind and was focusing on work and school. But I got the email reminding me about the wedding, didn't know what to do, and did not show up. I sent the newly married couple an Amazon package from their wedding registry with my apologies and offers to take them out to dinner after their honeymoon, but I don't know how to ask him now. Questions.

4:38 How do I bring this up to the groom? How do I explain why I didn't reply and why I didn't show up? Do I go into detail about the horrible things my ex did? Do I show them a copy of the restraining order? Do I just continue to ignore and later message the groom to just take them out for dinner? There's an update.

4:54 Okay. Don't show them the copy of the registration.

4:57 Yeah.

4:58 Oh, yeah.

4:58 Yeah.

4:59 Oh, my gosh. I want to get a few things off my chest.

5:05 Yep.

5:07 This thing happened to me a while ago. It doesn't need to be crazy. Just, you know.

5:12 Hey.

5:13 Here's a registrating order of this guy that dated for a while ago. Also, huge creep. Bad in bed.

5:22 That's what she would say?

5:24 Yeah, I think you should say that.

5:28 I mean, I think it's crappy that she didn't cancel because that just cost the money.

5:34 Yeah, agreed.

5:35 And that's rude of you to do. You can't make it just say you can't make it, you know? Don't be like, oh, I put it off too much, and now it's the day of the wedding, and uh-oh, I should have done... That's crappy.

5:46 And these are friends. Why can't you bring this up with your friends? Exactly.

5:49 Yeah.

5:49 I don't know. I agree with Kim Foyne. Don't leave it unacknowledged if you care about the friendship. That was an important day for your friend, and it's an understandable reason to miss that day, which is true.

6:01 It is.

6:02 It's an important event for them, and exactly what you said, you didn't want that to be overshadowed with all your trauma and whatever, and That's just weird. He's a stalker. So obviously I'm not going to a place where my stalker, I can't. There's a restraining order. He would have, like one of us would have to leave. So, you know, lawfully it couldn't be possible anyway. But there is an update.

6:25 So I took the advice of some to call my friend rather than an impersonal email or Facebook message and left a nice voicemail offering to take him and his wife to dinner and apologizing for missing their wedding. He called back and squeezed me in their packed schedule before they leave for their honeymoon. I saw them last night for dinner. I gave them hugs and apologized again for missing their wedding. Groom said he vaguely remembered the bad breakup and the restraining order, but said he thought enough time had passed because the order of protection had expired.

6:52 He also said they sent out the invites and saved the dates in waves and the ex and I were in different waves. He said he thought we could put aside our issues for one day for his special day. He said he had invited family members that didn't get along with one another with the expectations that everyone could put aside their issues for this wedding. I told him I didn't want to see the ex ever again, especially being alone at the wedding, and wasn't comfortable at all attending.

7:18 My friend acknowledged this, and then we had a good dinner and caught up since our college days.

7:23 I mean.

7:24 Restraining orders stick with people, though. It's not... Family drama. Family drama restraining order.

7:33 Yeah, I.

7:35 See, with family drama, I... Like, it's different because it's family and there's usually a bunch of people on your side and a bunch of people not on your side. You know, you have that. But with the whole ex thing, you were going alone. He maybe could have went alone. I'm not entirely sure, but... It's not... You don't want to put yourself in that situation.

7:57 I think.

7:57 You weren't, you didn't feel safe. And they should say, you know what, our bad.

8:05 Just put aside your differences for a day. He stalked you for a couple of months. Just put it aside for one day.

8:12 Yes, I agree with Anne. Not getting along and being stalked are very different things.

8:18 It's not like he's going to stalk you again. He wouldn't do that.

8:21 Yeah.

8:26 Yeah. Anyway, they confirmed they had received my many gifts the day after their wedding. Then they said the ex had RSVP'd and volunteered to be the sound guy, MC in sound system, but did not show up. Oh, see, that's crappy of him. Wow, so neither of them showed up.

8:46 Weird.

8:47 But I wonder.

8:49 What his reason was.

8:52 Because he said, oh, I want... He literally was like, I want to be the MC in Sound System guy. And they're like, okay. And then you don't show up. That's way crappier than RSVPing and just not going. My friend had to man the Sound System on his own wedding day. The groom and bride said they would have rather me show up than the ex. We have plans for me to see their house when they return from their honeymoon and hang out more frequently. They have an incredible collection of board games. It was a great dinner.

9:19 Dang.

9:20 Well, I mean... I think you did the right thing, OP. I don't think that you have to feel bad about not being comfortable at an uncomfortable place and setting. Like, you don't have to feel bad. But I do think that your stalker, he sounds like a horrible person from all the things you've said and then how he's like, oh, I want to be, like, doing stuff for the wedding and then just doesn't show up with no explanation at all.

9:49 Probably didn't even get them a gift, anything. Like, Just completely forgot or something. That's crappy. That's not a friend.

9:56 So, yeah. I don't know.

9:58 I think you did the right thing. but that's the end of that story and we got another one coming right up my best friend's ex revealed how she really felt about me after their breakup yikes patty 24 female and i 24 female met during our sophomore year of college we both had been accepted into the same selective education program ridiculous levels of similarities in looks, interests, and personality.

10:24 We were a great fit for each other, we were roomed together our junior year, and were practically inseparable. Our faculty used to joke that they couldn't believe there were two of us. Enter Mark, 27 male. He was also accepted into the same program our junior year. Mark wastedly expressed feelings for me the night we all graduated, which were not reciprocated, and I told him that. He did not take it well. After graduation, I took a job in a state across the country. He took a job in a state up north. And Patty stayed and took a job in the state where we graduated. Mark eventually got over our falling out. We began to talk and became good friends while we were both away from our alma mater state. Unbeknownst to me, he and Patty had

11:07 begun talking romantically.

11:10 Oh my gosh. The audacity.

11:15 He admitted it to me after he had been drinking one night, saying that Patty didn't want me to know, so I waited about three months for her to fess up to the big news. I have zero romantic feelings for Mark. And Patty was well aware of that. So for her to withhold her romance was really odd. By the way, this comes from Can't Use My Real User.

11:38 And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash OK Storytime subreddit. I'm Savannah.

11:43 I'm Riley.

11:44 And we're here to give some good advice, goofily. But guess what? We don't know everything. Surprisingly. But we're going to tell you what we would do. You tell us what you would do in the comments. As OP says, over the summer, Mark took a different job in another state, a bit closer to Patty. I also got another job in our alma mater state, but three hours from Patty.

12:06 They started a relationship sometime this past summer. Once they got into a relationship, Mark more or less stopped talking to me.

12:14 Wonder why.

12:17 Which I understood. Honeymoon phase and all that. They attempted a long-distance relationship. Patty ultimately ended it in October due to his neediness, booze intake, and lying. Oh! I was gonna say, you've mentioned that he's, you know, been drinking twice now and has, like, told you things. And it's like, does he drink a lot?

12:38 Sounds like it.

12:39 Yeah.

12:40 What's wrong with drinking with a lot?

12:43 Um.

12:44 Huh? A lot of things.

12:45 What?

12:47 A lot, actually. They continued to talk after the breakup because Patty felt it would help Mark cope with the suddenness of the breakup. Mark took that to mean that she was still interested in him. And yesterday, she officially ended it with him and made it clear that she had no intentions of getting back with him. So I drove the three hours and showed up at her house unannounced with wine and movies just to get her mind off things. Today, I received a text from my best friend's now ex-boyfriend, Mark... whom I talked to on occasion, saying that he had something he felt he needed to share with me, but that I could not tell Patty that he had said anything.

13:25 Oh.

13:25 So he's not a good friend. I would be like, actually, don't tell me, because I don't want to know.

13:30 Yep, done. Could not care.

13:31 I trust my friend more than you, liar. He told me that my relationship with Patty was one-sided and that he recommended I be extremely careful with her because she is fake.

13:41 What do you mean by that? What do you mean by that? Give me an example. How is it one-sided?

13:48 Well, I mean, if OP just talks to her, like always starts the conversations and OP always visits her, always does stuff for her, then yeah, it is one-sided. But that hasn't been mentioned at all yet. So I don't know. Since they had just had a falling out, I assumed he was trying to manipulate me and brushed off what I thought was a ridiculous accusation. He proceeded to send me screenshots of conversations between the two of them dating back two and three months, where she was talking to him about how much I have changed since we graduated from college. In one of them, she wrote, maybe I just care too much, but she's not the same person she was, and I feel like I don't even know her.

14:28 I don't know how to explain it. She's really promiscuous now, and is an attention witch, especially when we go out, and it's really annoying. She's just not genuine anymore. She's really fake around other people. Oh. Oh.

14:46 Yikes.

14:47 That sounds like you're really fake with other people. Because you're just talking all this crap behind her back.

14:54 This is true. Hmm.

14:56 Followed very closely by a text that stated that it was at the point that she didn't want to be friends with me anymore. Mark said that he knows the timing of him telling me this is screwy because it looks like he is trying to ruin a friendship, but that he genuinely felt like I should know. I've had so many emotions come and go today that I am just numb.

15:15 I feel.

15:16 Feel so betrayed and hurt. She has been my closest confidant and the one person I felt I could tell anything to. No! I am trying so hard to see it from her perspective. Yes, from college to now, I have changed substantially. Everyone does. I'm different from when I was in college. I'm different from when I was in high school. I'm different from where I was, you know, last month. Like, everyone just changes.

15:43 They've been dating for six years, too.

15:46 Six years?

15:47 Yeah, that's what it says in the title. Like the ex and the friend. Best friend.

15:51 Dated for six years? Yep.

15:54 Dang.

15:55 It says here in the title. They just broke up. My 24 female supposedly best friend 24 female of six years. Never mind. Best friend of six years. They've been best friends for six years.

16:08 Sorry. I was like, that doesn't add up with the timeline that they just went over.

16:12 Sorry. They've been best friends for six years. Okay.

16:16 I moved across the country for my first job out of college. Proceeded to lose my virginity this past year to a man I absolutely loved and adored. Okay, okay. And since then, I have become more confident with myself and comfortable with my spicy proclivity.

16:31 This is what it sounds like. OP has gotten more confidence and the friend... Okay, let me write this out. So whenever they were just best friends, OP's confidence was here and best friend's confidence was here. Now, with time... OP's confidence is here and Best Friend's confidence is probably still the same. And it's really hard for Best Friend because she's probably had to cut out a lot in her life for her boyfriend.

16:54 Yeah.

16:54 And she doesn't know what to do with that.

16:57 Now, my number is four, all of whom have been men that I had feelings for or were emotionally connected with. I dress in a more feminine manner when I go out. And true, some shirts slash dresses are far more revealing than I would have ever worn when I was in college. but they are tasteful and make me feel good about myself. Yeah, who cares? I refuse to accept her accusations of being a fake person because I pride myself on being honest with everyone. Patty and I have gone out together one time since I have moved back to the state. I wore jeans and a sweater because it was a themed crawl.

17:32 I danced provocatively with one guy throughout the entire night. Not uncommon for our outings. Spent most of my time with her and genuinely thought that we had a good time together. I don't believe that I did any attention-seeking actions because I remembered the entire night. I cannot for the life of me understand where this came from. Or I do know that she has felt this way since November.

17:55 And I do know that she has faked our friendship for the past few months. And now I know that she talks negatively about me behind my back. This is not something that I can simply let go, despite what Mark has asked me to do. At this point, I do not see a reason to have someone like this in my life, despite our years of history together. So my question is, Is there a way for me to confront her about this without sending her the screenshots? Because all I really want to do is send them to her and say, I guess I'm not the only one who has changed since we graduated. There's an update. I am overwhelmed with how many people have responded to this.

18:30 This has meant so much to me and so many of your comments have helped me to keep a level head while I worked through this situation. She actually texted me and called me multiple times the following day, to which I did not respond. I ended up texting her and sending the screenshots that evening.

18:45 Oh my gosh. OP, you're toxic. That's crazy.

18:51 I don't know.

18:52 Asking for an explanation of the conversation that was in the pictures and whether or not any of it was true. Ultimately, I gave her the benefit of the doubt Mark was in a bad place, and though the text sounded like her, he easily could have faked them. She said that it was, in fact, true. She had said all of those things and thought that I had changed substantially within the past two years. My changes have made her uncomfortable, but she felt it wasn't something to discuss with me.

19:19 Interesting.

19:20 She claims that she said it all out of anger and meant none of it, but I am of the opinion that you always say what you mean. While angry, you might say it less delicately than intended, but you still say what you mean. I am not sure that I could ever trust her again following that text string. though I recognize that it was never meant for me to see, how do I come back from that? Like, yes, let's go out and have a good time, but do I have to worry about you talking badly about me afterwards?

19:49 I choose to have people around me that I trust and that was a true breach of.

19:53 Trust it takes time it'll take time for you guys to be friends again hey.

19:58 Maybe you won't because sometimes friendships grow apart I mean I've I had friends in college that you know we just drifted apart you just do I've had friends in high school, you just drift apart. That's just how life is. You have, I've noticed this. You go through different stages in your life.

20:16 Seasons.

20:17 Yeah.

20:17 It's the seasons. And right now I'm still, I feel like I'm in a very new season. I'm still trying to like figure out how everything fits and where everything's going to go and how to like find a routine within this madness. But you know, you figure it out and then you also along the way, You know, figure out who your real friends are. Who your people are.

20:39 Finding your people, ugh, the best thing ever.

20:42 This is wild. I would give it time. It doesn't sound like you guys can't come back from this.

20:47 Yeah.

20:49 Just a little distance is okay. A little information diet. I mean, Kimberly Fine just said her and her friend went through the same thing. A commenter here. And they were fine after a while because she realized, oh, she was in a relationship. She couldn't really have a straight... mind with everything that was going on.

21:08 That was i had to do that with my friend i like tried to stop talking to her because she was in this toxic horrible relationship from like eighth grade to like sophomore junior year of high school and it was horrible golly and she like literally was losing all her friends she was going insane i was like dude you gotta like chill and he would like cheat on her all the time it was oh god anyway let's finish this up Many of you brought up the point that we all say things or judge our friends' actions, which is true, and I will admit to having done so.

21:39 But I have never in my life thought about not wanting to be someone's friend unless I meant it. much less said it to someone else. But I digress. She then continued on to say that she could not fix the situation between us and that she never meant for me to find out, which truly just sits with me the wrong way. Because A, she never even asked what could be done to fix it and B, that's not an apology. It's true. So it seems our relationship has ended.

22:07 As for Mark, well, that pathetic excuse of a human is no longer of my concern. I have gladly cut contact with no explanation despite his multiple texts. Thank you all so very, very much for bringing different viewpoints to my situation. You helped me remain calm and understanding when I felt like boiling over. Much love to all of my internet strangers.

22:29 Aww.

22:29 That's all.

22:30 And that's the end of this story. We're going to go on to the next one.

22:33 My friend is suddenly flirting with me after she got rejected by someone else. Rebound. I, 31 male, have known Nicole, 25 female, for about two years via married friends of mine.

22:47 We are all part of a friend group of about seven to eight people that meet up pretty regularly. About six months ago, the married couple introduced to everyone their friend Kyle for what turned out to be the worst kept secret within the friend group, setting him up with Nicole. Ugh. Their plan to set up Kyle worked, only it was to somebody else and not Nicole.

23:10 Oh.

23:11 Another friend of the married couple, who I barely know, Kyle and his girlfriend became official about a month ago. Nicole was really into this guy and she took the news hard, even though to the best of my knowledge, Kyle never really showed much interest in her beyond just being friends. Ever since Kyle has been off the market, Nicole has been suddenly showing a lot of interest in me.

23:32 But I can't help but think it's either to make Kyle jealous or that I'm her plan B or both. In the two years I've known her, she's never been this way with me. She's taken more of an interest in my life and her banter has been much more flirtatious. She sat on my lap and was playfully talking with me during a friend's birthday party in which we were all drinking. If not for a timely intervention by a waiter with a question about the check, I think she would have tried to kiss me, and truth be told, I probably wouldn't have resisted.

24:00 Uh-oh. You have feelings. Or do you just have feelings when drinks are there?

24:06 Yeah, I think so. I don't know.

24:09 I've never been, what's the word, apprehended?

24:12 Inebriated.

24:15 There we go.

24:16 Never been inebriated.

24:16 I was like, every....

24:18 I have been apprehended before.

24:20 By the way, this comes from DodgersFan1987, and if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash ok story time subreddit. I'm Savannah.

24:28 I'm Riley.

24:29 And we're here to talk about some stuff, give you some goofy advice, but we don't have all the answers. We only tell you what we would do, but you should let us know what you would do down in the comments.

24:38 I've never been inebriated. Do drinks really make you fall for someone that's probably not who you're attracted to?

24:46 Um, really depends. Like it depends how inebriated you get, I guess. But I don't know. Usually if I don't have them when I'm sober, I'm not going to have them when I'm not.

24:59 I don't know.

25:00 But sometimes it does switch. Yeah, I could say sometimes it does switch. You like don't see them in that way. And then all of a sudden you're like, wait, this could kind of work. Maybe. Just really depends. As Opie says, she's given me brief massages. Okay. She knows I like baseball.

25:18 Dodgers fan.

25:19 So she invited me to a game this weekend for just the two of us. We have never really hung out alone before. Yeah, that seems like a date.

25:29 Dude, just go on the date. See how you feel about it.

25:32 I legitimately have a prior commitment. So I basically said maybe next time, but I'm unsure more than anything where to go from here. Oh, I'm not going to lie. I don't necessarily mind this attention. And independent of Nicole's recent interest in Kyle, I probably would pursue something here. I'm just not sure it's on the level.

25:52 It doesn't sound like you like it. You sound like a maybe, dude.

25:56 Yeah, it seems like you've never really looked at her like that. And now that she... You saw that her heart kind of got broken by this guy.

26:06 And now.

26:08 You see this as a rebound. I could see everything that you're saying, OP. But also, if you have feelings, why not go for it? Furthermore, Nicole is more entrenched in this friend group than I am. So if I did pursue something with her and it didn't work out, things would get awkward and I probably would have to distance myself from everybody. And I like these particular group of friends. Any advice?

26:31 Mmm.

26:32 I mean, you gotta go with the flow, I guess.

26:34 Nah.

26:35 See if you like it.

26:36 I say... Don't go on a date. Just stay friends. Just stay friends. This doesn't seem like an absolute yes. It's like when you go shopping for clothes. If you don't absolutely love it, don't buy it.

26:47 It's true. Yeah, I agree. Here's an update. So after taking into consideration the comments from the original post, I initially decided to not pursue anything with Nicole.

26:57 There we go.

26:59 As I had stated, she had suddenly become flirtatious with me and started inviting me to places alone immediately after the guy she was interested in got a girlfriend. I was concerned about a rebound situation and that wasn't the only factor involved. I decided I would lay low and not encourage her, for lack of a better word. What's funny though is that after I turned down her invitation to a baseball game, she had stopped that behavior in our interactions and had become normal again.

27:25 Interesting. Oh.

27:26 What?

27:26 What? You confuse me, OP. I don't like you.

28:00 I had suggested we get on the Ferris wheel before meeting back up with the others. You can probably guess where this is heading. I know I was reluctant about doing anything with Nicole for several reasons, but at that moment, it was like, F it. When we reached the top of the Ferris wheel, we kissed. Wow, romantic. We had all left soon after. We both played it cool as if nothing happened. I texted her the next day about meeting up for dinner, which was last night. At one point, the conversation steered towards Kyle. She admitted she was interested in him, but it became clear to her that despite our friends trying to set them up, she was into this other girl. She said more than anything, she was

28:41 down on herself because she's only ever had one serious boyfriend and Kyle was in essence another rejection because he never made any moves or asked her out.

28:51 So you just had to get to know her a bit? How are you not attracted to her already?

28:55 That's how relationships go. You just don't know. Sometimes it is very quick. It's like, oh, huge attraction for this person. I want them.

29:03 The second I saw my girlfriend, I was attracted to her. And there were three girls. It was two of her best friends and her. And I was like, I hope I get the pretty one. And I did.

29:14 Wow.

29:15 I hope I get the pretty one. She revealed that she always liked me, but that the timing was never right, and after a while, it seemed like we were friend-zoned. I failed to mention in the original post that when I met Nicole two years ago, I had a girlfriend, and that relationship lasted another seven to eight months. Nicole had dated others during the last year, whereas I had mostly taken a break and focused on other things. Hence the timing issue. I don't know where this will end up.

29:41 We had a fun day at the park, and dinner last night was great. I was concerned I was the backup option, and who knows, maybe I am. But I've decided it's worth a longer look. I do think she is beautiful and quirky and somewhat awkward, but in an endearing way. She reminds me of Holly Flax from The Office.

29:57 You only live once, right?

29:59 And that's true.

30:00 You do. Maybe. I don't know.

30:03 And that's the end of this story. We're going to go on to the next one.

30:06 I exposed my friend's girlfriend's lies because she refused to leave me alone.

30:11 Good on you.

30:12 University is starting back soon, so many of my friends started moving back to town. I, 20 female, live in a house with five friends. Small background, which is relevant. I wasn't born in the UK, but moved here with my parents when I was 17. We come from another European country, so I speak my native language, English, which is far from perfect. I've been learning Spanish and English since I was little, and my Spanish is better than my English. I don't have an obvious accent in English.

30:39 People just assume that I am Canadian. We had a small party on Saturday, and one friend brought his new girlfriend, Jess.

30:47 Oh.

30:47 Jess, female, early 20s, and she's the reason why I am posting here.

30:52 Oh my gosh.

30:54 Woo! Jess made sure to let everyone know that she's a polyglot and speaks multiple languages.

31:00 Hold up.

31:01 Wait a minute.

31:02 I didn't know that's what a polyglot?

31:04 A person who speaks or uses several languages. I don't know if I like that word.

31:09 Yeah, polyglot sounds weird. I was obviously impressed. I study modern languages, meaning that I'm learning Italian and German on top of Spanish. And obviously, I asked what languages she speaks. Spanish, Japanese, Arabic, my native language, German, Korean, and French. I told her how impressed I was and carried on with my evening.

31:29 By the way, this comes from PinkCloud112, and if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit. I'm Savannah.

31:36 I'm Riley.

31:37 And we're here to give some good advice goofily, but guess what? We don't have all the answers. We would only tell you what we would do, but let us know what you would do down in the comments. Why not? Let's discuss. As Opie says, I had a short phone call with my mom, whom I obviously speak to in my native tongue, and I went out of the house to talk to her. Jess was out in the garden and heard my conversation and she corrected me on my pronunciation.

32:02 What?

32:03 What?

32:04 No. Oh, I immediately would be so annoyed.

32:07 If I say y'all and you tell me I'm supposed to say you guys, I'm going after you. That ain't how you talk.

32:16 That ain't how you do it. I told her that she was in the wrong and she insisted that she knows better. I didn't fancy getting into any arguments, so I ignored her and went back inside saying whatever. Later, I bumped my head and swore loudly in Spanish. I tend to code switch a lot when wasted. And she corrected my pronunciation, which was funny because it was her who was incorrect. I ignored her again. Not her like being like, actually, you're not saying that right. Actually, that's not right.

32:43 It's pronounced not pooter. Pooter.

32:48 A while later, I wanted my friend, who is from Spain, to hand me something, but I forgot how it's called in English, so I said hand me Spanish word, please, knowing my friend would understand. Jess decided to correct me again using completely incorrect word. My friend and I looked at each other, and me being wasted, I lost any self-control I had.

33:09 Oh no.

33:10 I spoke to Jess in Spanish, asking her what the heck she thinks she's doing. And she looked at me, telling me that my Spanish was so wrong that she didn't understand a word. It wasn't. It wasn't, but okay. So this girl obviously doesn't know.

33:23 Your Spanish sounds a lot like wrong English.

33:29 Yeah. Like, uh, that's not the correct Spanish word. Shut up.

33:35 That's crazy.

33:37 I told her the same thing in my native tongue, to which she replied with the same thing. I laughed at her and told her it's my native language and she really shouldn't lie about being a polyglot and correcting people when she doesn't actually speak those languages. She was fuming. She tried to grab her boyfriend's hand and leave with him, but he was too wasted to care and just said, told you to stop lying. Dang, now the boyfriend calling her out too.

34:01 Dang.

34:02 Dang.

34:03 What do you get out of this? Why do you like to lie?

34:06 I would never lie that I knew a language because I know immediately people are going to quiz me.

34:10 Yeah.

34:11 Like that, it's immediate.

34:12 How do you say the spider went into the library room?

34:16 The library room. I don't know how she got my number, but she called me this morning screaming what an a-hole I am to humiliate her like that. And if she knew I spoke the language, she wouldn't have corrected me. I do feel bad now. I realize how humiliating this must have been for her, but on the other hand, she shouldn't have been lying! I don't know, was I the a-hole here? OP added in the comments, That's the thing, she didn't understand me. She only replied to me because she had no idea what I said. With corrections, she only picked up on a few words and tried to correct them, wrongly. She may be learning languages and be a super beginner, but she doesn't speak any of those languages, which was later confirmed by her boyfriend. Apparently, she never

34:59 goes past learning the alphabet and a few lessons.

35:03 Oh.

35:03 So you don't know. I know the alphabet. I can spell some stuff. Maybe. Probably not. Oh, and that's it. That's all.

35:11 Wow.

35:11 That's crazy, dude. The audacity.

35:14 No, seriously. Like, how are you about to, like, correct me when you don't even know? And then correct me and tell me something wrong. Like, shut up. Why does it even matter?

35:23 Right.

35:24 And that's the end of the story. We're going to go on to the next one.

35:27 Hey, it's Keon, the silliest goose. We're going to get back to the stories, but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. My girlfriend has been sharing everything about us to her friend. Even the intimate ones.

35:38 Hate to break it to you, but that's what we do.

35:41 Sharing is not caring. This is something that has appeared out of the blue. And I'm 25 male, not fully equipped to deal with at all. It's completely changed how I view our relationship over the past year. So, to cut to the chase... I ended up reading some text between my girlfriend, 25 female, and her friend, 26 female.

35:59 Let's call her Nami. Because at a party, Nami made a suggestive comment to me about butt stuff and how all men should try it the day after my girlfriend finally convinced me to. In my defense, I just wanted to know if they were talking about it because this was not something I felt comfortable to have discussed outside our bedroom. Nami is an ex-girlfriend of my college roommate and is dating someone else I don't interact with now.

36:23 So.

36:24 My girlfriend, let's say Tanya, has been discussing everything with Nami. They texted almost about nothing else and scrolled so far back in time that I exported the contents of their conversation to read on my computer. That's a little much.

36:38 Computer!

36:39 Computer! How do butt stuff? The conversations are tough to wrap my head around. It would be something like, what should I wear? Wear the red dress. Nami would tell Tanya what to wear for dates and what to shop for. Tell her how to respond to any arguments we had. And also how to perform in bed. The time she cosplayed in bed? Nami says. Naughty photos she sent me?

37:01 Nami says. The personalized gift she made for my birthday? Nami says. Preparing me for months apparently? For butt stuff? Nami said it. So you get the picture. It's like a daily routine. By the way, this comes from user ExposedThrowaway. If you want to submit your own stories... go to the r slash OKStoryTime subreddit. I'm Keon.

37:21 And I'm Savannah.

37:23 And we're here to talk about butt stuff and how to do it.

37:27 Kind of true. Yeah.

37:30 We don't know much. We only know what we do. So let us know what you do in the comments down below.

37:34 Let us know your butt stuff.

37:36 As Opie says, I don't know what they've shared beyond textual information, but this is everything she's said and done to me for the past year. And it seems to have just started a year ago. This lady apparently now knows how I eat, sleep, and how I am in spicy sleep. This is not something I can send it to a man. I'm not naive, and it seems to me like almost they've got some subtle dom-sub thing going on.

38:00 There seems to be no evidence of physically cheating on me, and I really doubt she would do something like that, but I hope you understand that I don't trust anything around me anymore. So, I need to confront my girlfriend, but like, how?

38:12 What?

38:14 Is this relationship ending stuff?

38:15 I don't know.

38:16 I mean, it was all fine until literally three hours ago, and I'm extremely happy with her, but what might continue?

38:22 But what?

38:23 How do you react to something like this? Please, I just need to bounce this off people. I know it's super specific and super identifiable, but neither of them are on Reddit, so I guess it's okay. Them finding something like this later, I'm not concerned with. I need advice, please. And we have an update. Yeah, you have to confront your girlfriend and be like, Why is your life controlled by Nami?

38:47 I mean, the thing is, you said, I'm not, I'm just going to throw this out there. You said, OP, that everything was fine until you found this out. So everything that she did, you liked.

39:05 Hey, did you like the stuff that Nami really insisted on? Or technically your girlfriend insisted on?

39:12 Yeah, like is, you know, you agreed to those things, not knowing that it came from someone else, but you still did it. And it, you know, did it bring you guys closer? Did it help? Did it hurt your relationship? It doesn't seem like it hurt your relationship. The only thing that's hurting it is that she didn't come up with all of those ideas. She got them from someone else.

39:30 So is that truly a bad thing if it's helping your relationship?

39:34 I don't know. There's some things that shouldn't be talked about just like between a relationship.

39:39 Yes.

39:39 But that also depends on the relationship of people. Because some people are just open books. I'm very open. I'm more of an open book. But some people are closed books and that's should be something discussed between you and your partner.

39:52 Yes.

39:52 I also... Like, you can have that conversation and be like, I don't really feel comfortable that you're speaking about, like, intimate stuff with someone else. Even though they're, you know, the opposite gender, she's your best friend, whatever, blah, blah, blah. That seems like a little.

40:06 That's for us. That's, like, our privacy. For me, at least. Or for OP. Yeah. I don't know. At this point, I'd be like, am I dating you or am I dating Nami?

40:15 It's kind of true.

40:16 So.

40:17 But... Not everything needs to be said.

40:19 Update.

40:20 So, I was off the hook for checking Tanya's phone very easily to my relief, but to the displeasure of many of you, I know, because she burst into tears right then and there. She took a little time to sob while I just sat there saying, I just wanted to know what's going on because my imagination was getting the better of me, and for what it's worth, she came clean completely. So Tanya's version is that it initially just started to ask for stuff and spicy sleep tips, etc.

40:46 etc.

40:48 But eventually, they started trying to fix the problem with her inhibitions. For this, Nami would give her some risque dare for Tanya to complete. It seemed like fun stuff at the start, you know, singing in the streets, striking conversations with strangers. What made me angry at Tanya is her complicity with the spicy pics. In my head, these were coming straight to me, but they were going through Nami.

41:11 who would direct her and then pick and choose. She stopped sending them to her when Nami began to make her feel, you know, a little bit uncomfortable about it. Tanya's point to me at this point was that this did lower her inhibition significantly, but the only response when this conversation happened was, what the F, Tanya? Which I believe was a fair opinion. She said she found it quite easy whenever she was feeling indecisive to get Nami in on it and do whatever she said. I was appalled at how casually she spoke about that. reminding her that it was my personal life she was also sharing, and that this was unacceptable from someone I considered closest to me. How could I trust you anymore, Tanya? So

41:50 I did put down an ultimatum. No more talking to Nami. Period.

41:54 Ooh. I don't... Yikes. I mean, I don't know. I don't... I personally didn't find it, like, you know, breakup-worthy that you know, she's telling her to do these things and coming to her for advice and whatnot. You know, it's done good for your relationship. So, like, not that you need an outside source, but, you know, you can say, hey, you know, you can come to me for advice or whatever.

42:23 You can talk to me about our problems instead of that. Like, you know, yes.

42:28 I don't know. I don't know. This is her best friend. I'm sorry. I don't think... I mean, I would talk to Tanya and be like, why... why do you need to go to Nami for, like, getting confirmations on, like, everything you do? And why has it been this last year? I know, like, doing the risky stuff and the dares is fun stuff, but then it got to a point of, why are you doing this? Did you ever question that?

42:52 I wouldn't give her that ultimatum of, it's either me or Nami.

42:56 Yeah, I wouldn't give her that either. I don't think that's a great idea.

43:00 I don't think that's a great idea either.

43:01 Because she's going to freak.

43:02 And Obi continues saying, for now, maybe later it could be no more talking to Nami about Us? She goes ahead with it, and a few days later, I get a call from Nami. Nami emails me all the photos that Tanya had sent her, and then basically goes all banshee on the phone. Calls me a witch, and some other things. That Tanya was her nympho from day one. Whoa!

43:26 This has now turned into something else!

43:29 Straight Up starts sending links to pictures from the Fifty Shades Club website. For clarity, not pictures of Tanya on websites, just random pictures, lol, saying that this is the stuff she did to her. But you see Tanya had already shown me all the photos that Nami was claiming she took during their colorful times together. Nami strangely didn't have any photos of the stuff she was claiming, which I think she would definitely have done considering how effed this all was. So, I don't know. Nami's reveal as being absolutely effing cray-cray sort of softened my stance on Tanya, but...

44:03 I've still taken a break from our relationship because there was far too much bat crap crazy going on. Had to threaten legal actions against the Nami's tirades about leaking the pictures. It also helped that Tanya and I added that we really didn't care if that came to pass. Thanks for lowering in emissions, Nami.

44:21 That's insane. So this didn't, this isn't just about your relationship. This has become like a weird partnership.

44:29 Of, And OP kind of called it earlier. She's like, I think it's kind of like a little dom, sub kind of thing.

44:34 Yeah, dom something. And it totally was.

44:37 Ah! That's weird.

44:39 And you were just like part of the scheme?

44:42 You were part. Nami was, yeah, I don't even get into it.

44:46 Wow.

44:47 Well, that's the end of that story. And there's a lot going on.

44:51 Dang.

44:51 Yeah. I feel like just take a couple steps back from all of that, OP, and Kind of just gather your thoughts. I would also try and talk to Tanya and be like, hey, that was a lot. And maybe talk to someone about that because how do we get here in the first place kind of thing.

45:11 See, I'd be done with both of them. I'd be like, yeah, no, this is way too much. And there's no trust after that, truthfully.

45:18 Yeah, honestly, anything that you say, you know, yeah.

45:22 Yeah.

45:23 Oof. That is the end of that story, but we have another one coming right up.

45:27 I discovered my girlfriend cheating on me with multiple men, so I quickly plotted my exit.

45:33 Do it very quickly.

45:34 My girlfriend, 26 female, and I, 26 male, have been together for only five months, and prior to this week, I thought everything was perfect. We made each other happy, spent most of our free time together, and stayed the night at one another's home at least three nights each week. We have a lot in common and enjoy similar activities, so getting along was easy. We've both been cheated on in the past and I've made it explicitly clear that I don't want to be with anyone who could do that to someone and that I would never put myself in a position where that would occur because I know what it feels like. After about four months into this relationship, she told me she loved me and that she's never felt this way about anyone before. That she had been

46:14 hurt bad in the past and had never intended to get into another relationship again because she was so jaded. It took me a few more weeks to tell her I love her. She has always had a lot of male friends and... Early on, we each talked about our past. We've both been with a lot of people, spicy sleep related, so I never felt any jealousy or contempt for her.

46:35 She claimed that she gets along better with guys than girls and has been somewhat of a tomboy since she was a child. Not a problem, I trusted her. By the way, this comes from CaughtHerCheating, and if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash ok story time subreddit. I'm Savannah.

46:50 I'm Keon.

46:51 And we're here to give some good advice in a little goofy way, but guess what? We don't have all the answers. We only tell you what we would do, but let us know what you would do down in the comments. As OP says, even though everything seemed like it was going fantastically, there were occasional red flags that would give me a bad gut feeling. I chose to ignore those because I thought they were just my own insecurities creeping out. A few examples of the red flags.

47:15 In the five months we've been together, she has told me about no fewer than ten male friends of hers that have miraculously come out of the woodwork and contacted her after years of not hearing from them. There were minor inconsistencies with her stories of past times or descriptions of these friends and their prior relationships. When we were around her family, I noticed that they tend to watch her rather carefully. Her parents' and sisters' facial expressions would seem slightly incredulous and at other times downright skeptical of whatever it was she was saying. talking about plans, schedules, or what happened last night or last weekend, etc. She talks a lot and tends to divulge more information than

47:52 necessary on a lot of topics and would go to great lengths to ensure me that some of these men from her past were interested in her, but she did not share that feeling, that she was not attracted to them in any way, or that they haven't spoken or seen one another in years. More on this later. Her family has shown me nothing but kindness and welcomed me into their home as one of their own since I first met them. I have a great relationship with her father and he's even taken me aside a few times to ask me how things are going and if there's anything that seems off. He seems to really want us to succeed. We've only had one fight since being together and it occurred a few weeks ago when she asked

48:28 me if I would be uncomfortable with her going on a three day long fishing trip with a few of her friends from fire school. I told her the truth that yes, it would make me uncomfortable for her to go on a trip like that with a group of people that I've never met before and that's when the fight started. Things calmed down shortly after, and she said she understood, but also noted that it would be hard to continue a relationship if I could not trust her. Oh, God.

48:52 I like how she asked, would it be okay if I did this? And then you said, no. And then she blew that up. She said, that wasn't the answer I was wanting.

49:01 Yeah, and then she went, I'll remember this. This house is built on trust and trust alone. Earlier this week, while we were at our house cooking dinner, she asked me to go up to her room and get a movie queued up on her computer. While waiting for the website to load, I decided to check my email. I loaded Gmail, then went back to the movie site. to pick something out when i switched back to the gmail tab i saw her inbox pop up and went to log her out but noticed that there were a few emails towards the top that caught my attention and severely worried me i sat there for a few minutes looking at the subject lines and i had to know more The three offending emails that caught my eye were as follows. Oh, God.

49:41 A flight confirmation going out of state purchased and forwarded to her by a guy, one of the friends she hasn't seen in years, for a weekend trip that was bought the day before her flight, which happened to be the day that I left for a weekend mountain biking trip with two friends. An email from another male friend she told me about where they discussed plans for her to fly out to see him sometime in August. Further down in the email chain, she had sent him a few screenshots of potential flights in the coming weeks, asking which one was best. She had signed off with the email with, I love you.

50:14 A Craigslist confirmation email for a missed connection post she created earlier that day, seeking what she described as a tall, extremely hot guy she saw during her lunch.

50:25 Break that day. Is that a thing?

50:28 It's a thing.

50:29 A missed connection on Craigslist? That's crazy.

50:34 What?

50:35 At this point, I was crushed. This was the girl who told me she loved me on a daily basis and consistently reminded me how happy I made her. We shared the same bed together and talked about future plans, but this time I thought it was genuinely real.

50:48 Oh, man, Opie, I feel so bad for you.

50:50 Yeah, that sucks. Ugh. That's what I hate. Like, I hate dating people. like going out into the dating world, it's freaking sucks because you want to have your guard up, but then it's also like, well, maybe that's my past drama. And then it's like, okay, I'm going to, you know, open up and then you get freaking crushed. It's like, all right.

51:10 And you go, you know what? I'm not dating anyone ever again.

51:12 Yeah. And it's humiliating. And it like brings you back to square one.

51:16 It works out eventually, hopefully, but I feel bad for you. I'm sorry. Screenshots. Take screenshots of those emails.

51:25 Yeah, yeah. I logged out of her email as I was afraid of what else I might find. After gathering myself, I went down to the kitchen to help finish the meal so we could enjoy our dinner and a movie night. It took everything in me to keep it together the rest of the night and sit in the same bed with her and act like I believed everything she said.

51:44 Using my memory of that Craigslist ad, I searched for it and replied two days later. To drive the knife even deeper, she included the fact that she was single and was hoping that this guy was too in the posting description. After sending my reply, including a few details about a tattoo and pretending to be this tall, attractive guy she saw on her lunch break, she replied being shocked that I actually saw the post. She stated that she's never done anything like that before, lies, and wanted to take me out for an adult soda, including her phone number so we could text.

52:18 She did that online?

52:19 Yeah.

52:19 Crazy. Wow.

52:21 On Craigslist of all places.

52:22 Crazy.

52:24 For the past 24 hours, she's been texting who she thinks is this other guy, but is really me and a Google voice number. And after three times of me asking if she's sure that she's single or doesn't have any recent ex-boyfriends I need to worry about, she has explicitly stated in no uncertain terms that she is in fact single and has been for a while. Dang.

52:46 It's just putting salt in the wound. Lime juice in the wound, twisting the knife, all that bad stuff. Oh, this girl. But it's confirming it for you, OP.

52:55 Yeah, at least you have complete proof and you cannot deny this. Like, if she tries to deny it, she's absolutely insane.

53:02 Yeah.

53:03 We've texted about many things. What we each do, what we enjoy, past relationships, lying, and even cheating. She's told this fabricated persona that she's been cheated on and would never do that because of how much it hurts. Sound familiar?

53:16 Yeah.

53:17 But that she really wants to meet him for drinks and maybe more. Last night, she told him she knew of an amazing hole-in-the-wall sushi place in the city that they should meet at, but that she couldn't remember the name. About 20 seconds after she sent that text, I received one from her, as her boyfriend, stating that a woman from work was looking for a good sushi spot in the city and she wanted to know the name of the place I took her to on our first real date.

53:42 Oh, my God.

53:44 Oh, she's horrible.

53:46 She's the worst.

53:47 Just break up with him.

53:49 She got another knife and went, let's twist that one more.

53:52 Oh, my God.

53:53 What's wrong with her? Why wouldn't you just break up with him?

53:58 I would go. Why do you need that? Yeah. You know, at this point, there's no reason to continue this charade. I'd be like, I'm the guy. yeah here i i can't continue this i think.

54:10 Maybe he wants to like meet her in.

54:13 Person i couldn't do it i could there's no point i'm wasting my time my breath my energy into this i already got the certainty that you're cheating on.

54:20 Me great see i would wait until they're in person to do it because i don't want her to deflect and not come home and not talk about it and be like oh my god I want to sit there and be like, what are you doing?

54:35 I couldn't do it. I'm sorry. That's crazy.

54:37 You'd just be done.

54:38 I couldn't continue the act.

54:39 Yeah.

54:41 On our first date, on our first date, in seconds later, you go, someone from work wants to go to the sushi place. Where was that place that we went on our first date?

54:51 God, with no, like, oh, my God.

54:55 Wow.

54:56 That's crazy.

54:57 I hate this girl.

54:58 Yeah. Seeing that text pop up on my phone felt like getting hit by a dump truck. Last night, she made plans to meet him for dinner at that sushi place. Earlier today, I asked her if she had plans for Saturday night because a few friends from my tough mutter team were getting together for beers and significant others were welcome.

55:17 She declined, saying that she promised her parents she would go to their house and cook them dinner that night.

55:23 I hate this woman.

55:24 Wow. Her lies, like, boom.

55:27 She knows exactly what she's doing.

55:28 Yeah.

55:29 Because this is not her first rodeo.

55:31 Dang.

55:32 God.

55:33 I cannot continue in this relationship and have firmly made the decision that I will be ending things within the next 48 hours. However, the method is uncertain. The two options I am currently considering are just break up with her and say that things aren't working out between us and that she should see other people, leaving out the details and reasoning behind it. Immediately stop replying to texts from this fake persona that she plans on meeting for dinner.

55:57 Uphold the dinner plan she has with this guy and then show up to the restaurant with a printout of the text she's been sending and the Craigslist ad to confront her about the lying and cheating. I also plan on telling her how I found the ad and that I saw the other two concerning emails. Oh, there's an update.

56:13 Oh.

56:14 What do you think?

56:14 That sounded like too much work.

56:16 Yeah, that sounded like you're really plotting and being like, she's not even going to feel bad.

56:20 She doesn't care. She has four, at least three other guys or two other guys in her emails paying for her flights or paid for her flights. Yeah. She doesn't care.

56:31 She doesn't. Unfortunately, this is done and this is over with. I don't know why she continues this charade, but, you know, I guess we'll never know.

56:39 Maybe we will.

56:41 Yeah, maybe we will.

56:41 We have an update. I want to know, but I wouldn't put that much energy into it. I know you want to get revenge and make it dramatic and scenic. Just go, I know you're cheating on me with how many other guys?

56:53 Yeah.

56:53 Get your stuff, pack your bags, you're out of here.

56:55 Yeah, and that's it. And also, we're going to call your family and we're going to tell them together. But I feel like they... I feel like the family knows. Yeah, the family probably knows.

57:05 Dang.

57:06 Update.

57:06 Update. After reading through this entire thread and discussing the situation with my hockey team and a few co-workers, I've decided to just cut off all contact with her, as her ex-boyfriend and as the Craigslist guy. She doesn't deserve the satisfaction of knowing why, and it's blatantly obvious that she does not care about me. While confronting her at the restaurant would make me feel like a boss, I don't think it's worth it. It's rather clear she feels no remorse, and I'm sure this isn't the first time she's done this. Fortunately, we do not live together but merely sleep at one another's house a few times each week.

57:39 One thing that will make this a bit tricky is that I have a female roommate who my ex has hung out with and considers a friend. I need to ensure that my roommate does not give her any info on me or why I severed all contact. And now, the plan.

57:54 I don't know, that sounds a little like just go ghost her or just like, ah, just stop talking to her. I would just call her out on your cheater. You gotta break up with her. I don't need your reasoning.

58:04 Yeah. You can just simply, you know, either meet in person. I don't suggest a text, but I, you know, either meet in person or over the phone. Just be like, hey, so I found out everything and we're done. I don't know.

58:17 I don't think I think a text is just fine with someone this low.

58:20 That's true. Someone like this.

58:21 You can do this to you straight to your face with multiple people. Low of the low.

58:28 I mean, she's just going to deflect anyway and be like, what? No, that wasn't me. You know, some she has lies like that.

58:35 So you don't need any of her reasoning. It's fine.

58:38 I'm going to cancel our dinner plans for tonight as the boyfriend and tell her that I won't be home until late tonight. I will tell all of my roommates that she is no longer welcome in her home and that if she shows up, she is not to be let inside. Every phone call and text will be ignored. I will not communicate to her in any way even by telegraph or smoke signals. As the Craigslist guy I will not contact her with the exception of a text tomorrow to confirm the date but I will not show up to confront her as the boyfriend or provide any reason for standing her up. All of her belongings currently at my house will be placed in a box outside, as she will certainly show up to my house after a day or two of no contact and seeing a

59:19 box with her things in it will confirm that she is nothing to me anymore.

59:24 Again, I think this is a little bit childish, but do what you need to do to get over.

59:28 Your Yeah, I think also OP has been hurt in the past. This is definitely like the same wound just reopened and now it's even worse.

59:36 It's worse.

59:37 And so it's, yeah, he is done. He's like, I want nothing to do with her.

59:42 And I don't blame OP.

59:43 Yeah.

59:43 It makes sense.

59:44 If this is the way you want to go about it, I fully, fully, 100% am with you. It just sucks.

59:51 I feel like the simplest thing is, I know you cheated. Block. I know you're cheating. Blocked. Yeah. Yeah. I don't need your reasoning. I don't need your excuses. I don't care.

59:58 Because she's just going to gaslight you.

59:59 Crocodile tears. Don't care.

1:00:01 Yeah.

1:00:01 You heard me say, I've been cheated on before, and you know it hurts.

1:00:07 And you did it with multiple people.

1:00:10 Low.

1:00:10 Yeah.

1:00:11 Her family was always kind to me, and I'd like to thank them, but will not, as this will undoubtedly provide some information to them, which will be relayed to her. The kindness of a word of thanks to her family is not worth the chance that she may have a bit of closure. I will schedule an appointment with my doctor's office immediately for a full battery of STI testing, including HIV and AIDS. I will look at this as a learning experience and will lead an amazingly happy life and enjoy everything I do because I can.

1:00:41 Then that's all you need, OP.

1:00:43 Good.

1:00:43 Yeah.

1:00:44 It's going to suck for a little bit.

1:00:45 Yeah.

1:00:47 But, you know, screw her. She's not worth... I mean, no one... And that prospect is worth it. Like, let her go. Ruin her own life. She's going to end up miserable and alone.

1:00:58 It's okay. You'll be fine, OP.

1:01:00 There's an edit here. After I stand her up tomorrow as the other and cut all ties as her boyfriend, I predicted that she will continue to text and call over the next few days. She will most likely contact my roommate and the only other mutual friend we have in hopes of seeking information about what happened. Within minutes of standing her up, I will begin to execute the plans listed above. And also talk to our mutual friend and my roommate to tell them that things are over and kindly ask them not to provide any information to her about me. I will provide a follow-up to this within the next few days.

1:01:32 Again, whatever you need to do to just get over it and just move on easier.

1:01:37 I feel like you're really, really planning this out and making this like a big, you know, thing. You should just be done with it. Don't let it take up any more of your time.

1:01:46 I feel like just saying, again, telling everyone, don't tell her why. Even though they know why.

1:01:52 Yeah.

1:01:53 She knows what she did. I don't know.

1:01:56 There's a second update.

1:01:57 This is like a five month relationship or so. Like, so like this is less than a year.

1:02:02 Yeah.

1:02:02 I don't.

1:02:03 Well, I don't know. It's like less than a year of a relationship.

1:02:06 Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah, it is less of a year. They're like five months or something.

1:02:09 Yeah. I guarantee you she will not be hurt in the way you want her to be hurt.

1:02:14 Yeah.

1:02:15 Maybe, but probably not.

1:02:17 There was a slight deviation from the initial plan and a special thanks is in order to you, Spam Monkey, for the suggestion. As the guy she had a date with, I kept texting her while she waited at the restaurant saying that I hit traffic, got lost, couldn't find closed parking, etc. and kept her there for two and a half hours before she finally gave up and left. She must have really wanted to go on a date with him. She has been texting and calling throughout the morning but I have not responded to anything. She's had a few of her friends try to contact me, and she contacted one of my friends and my roommate trying to get an idea of what's going on, but I've been leaving details out, so no one really knows exactly what's going on yet.

1:02:56 Earlier this evening, she figured out that I've been intentionally ignoring her and sent a text acknowledging the end of our relationship. She ended it? You don't even get that satisfaction?

1:03:07 No, and like I said, but again, we were playing... mind games when it should have been mind games.

1:03:13 That's true. You should have just ripped the bandaid off.

1:03:16 You're like, you cheated. Everyone, she cheated on me. Yeah. Asked with how many guys? Don't know. But not my problem. Bye.

1:03:23 Yeah.

1:03:24 It's true.

1:03:24 That's how I, yeah. I think in OP's mind, especially during all this stuff, he was like, this is going to be like so elaborate. This is going to work. This is it. Yeah. Bro, she was talking to At least, I don't know, the fact that she started off with 10 guys out of the, like, she's like, oh, 10 random guys out of the last five months have just reached out to me. Yeah. We were friends a while ago, but that's it.

1:03:48 Also the fact that after like one day of not speaking, she's like, this is it. That's the end. We have to break up. Like not even like.

1:03:56 No, she's ready. She's ready to move on.

1:03:57 Yeah. Like if my boyfriend just like didn't answer me or whatever.

1:04:01 Yeah.

1:04:01 I'd be like texting his friends, whatever. I'd be like, is everything okay? And you didn't answer me. I would wait, you know, until they would answer me. But if they're just never going to text me back, then obviously I'd be like, okay, apparently this is over. Thanks for making me go insane. You know? So I don't know. I think the mind F was successful. She has no idea what happened and doesn't deserve to have the closure she's looking for. Thank you all for the kind words of encouragement and excellent advice. And the support in numbers. I had a pretty fantastic day today hanging out with a close friend and feel at peace with the way life is going. Edit to add a few details previously left out.

1:04:40 One fun thing I forgot to mention is that she was texting this other guy while sitting next to me on my couch a few hours before her date. showing me that she clearly lacked the ability to pause her infidelity for any amount of time. Also, the one fight that we had took place one week after she went to Portland to be with another guy while I was out of town on a mountain biking trip. The flight was centered around how I don't trust her and that I should if we wanted to continue dating.

1:05:07 We love projection.

1:05:08 She's horrible. Just, it's done. It's over with. Don't spend any more energy on it.

1:05:14 To the streets.

1:05:15 Yeah. To the streets. There she goes. Right back where she started. So, yeah. Opie, sorry that happened. And I'm... That's horrible. And I know that this is, like, you know, shattering your view of.

1:05:27 Relationships and trust. And, you know, it will take time. Maybe it won't take time.

1:05:32 Yeah.

1:05:33 But you will find someone that actually respects you, wants to be with you, and not cheat on you.

1:05:40 Yes. It's the big one. But that's the end of that story, and we got another one coming right up.

1:05:45 Sure do.

1:05:46 Hey, it's Angie, your favorite fake redhead host here, and we're going to get back to the stories, but here's a three-minute ad break from our sponsors.

1:05:55 My boyfriend hit our relationship for years, and he's asking me to wait for more.

1:06:01 I've waited long enough.

1:06:02 So, my boyfriend, 28 male, and I, 22 female, have been dating for three years. In all these years of dating, he had always kept our relationship a secret. Red flag! At first, I understood because the first year we got together, he confessed that he recently got divorced. We got together in October, and he got divorced in March. I understood that he didn't want people talking about him fighting other women as soon as he got divorced. So, okay, I accepted. But, as years go by, he never intended on letting everyone know about us. I asked him one time if he ever wanted to tell his parents or friends or anyone about us, but he always said no or it didn't matter or something along those lines. You are another woman.

1:06:51 Dang, that stinks.

1:06:53 I got upset about it, but he actually left me to be upset, which kind of gave me a red flag about him. But, you know, love is blind, especially when you're still young. I cannot say for sure if he is cheating on me because that's what I thought the only reason would be for keeping our relationship a secret.

1:07:09 He had me register my face on his phone. He has the face recognition thing on his phone. I know his emails and passwords and other stuff, and he freely lets me use his phone when I ask him. I don't ask for it, though, because I didn't want to seem like the type that's constantly paranoid, even though I really am. This sounds like a concoction of BAD. All around.

1:07:31 Yeah, no one deserves to be a secret. That's so crappy to do.

1:07:35 By the way, this comes from user Yunbloom. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash OKStoryTime subreddit. I'm Keon.

1:07:41 And I'm Savannah.

1:07:42 And we're here to give good advice goofily. We don't have all the answers. We only know what we do. So let us know what you do in the comments down below. Pretty please. As Opie says, I really love this guy. But does he really love you? No. Like so much. Don't get me wrong, but I honestly want to go on dates, watch movies, and do couple stuff.

1:08:02 In all these years we got together, we only went on a date once. Like once.

1:08:08 What?

1:08:09 I want to scream.

1:08:10 Yeah. This is complete red flag central.

1:08:13 And it was during Christmas time when we had about two days off of work and we went somewhere like eight hours away from our place. This also lasted only a few hours because we had to get back early. Can't even hold hands in public. The pains. It doesn't seem like he understands, though. I don't know how to confront him about it again, because last time I did, he got pretty upset and said I was thinking and asking too much. Advice, please? O.P., what are we doing?

1:08:40 Telling a woman they're thinking and asking too much?

1:08:43 Well, you've been dating for three years?

1:08:46 One date? You're thinking too much. You're asking too much. You have to be a secret for this to work.

1:08:53 O.P., How many rose-tinted glasses do you have on to be this blind?

1:08:58 Who hurt you in the past?

1:09:00 I want to scream.

1:09:02 That's crazy. I, nope. I would immediately be gone.

1:09:07 Update, six days later, you left him. Please, please, you left him because you realize this is stupid.

1:09:14 Update.

1:09:15 So, I confronted my boyfriend after work and we talked in private. Well, obviously in a place where No one would enter because, you know the situation. I learned a lot of stuff that he never told me in the past three years of our relationship, and I might actually need some confirmation for something. He cried, okay. Like, okay, that was the first time I made someone cry. And he never really cried all these years, so I was extremely taken aback. Apparently, his ex-wife and him made some kind of deal. When they were married, his ex-wife, who had a lot of her own store in their country, my boyfriend is Chinese, told him that He no longer needed to work, and he refused, but she insisted. After a bad breakup over a land, like, I guess, land

1:09:56 property in China, my boyfriend had, his ex-wife asked to give her back the money she had spent on him, which didn't make sense to him, as she was the one who told him not to work, but he agreed to some kind of limit? They both agreed that he'll give her back at least 50,000 euros. Holy cow. Note, I'm Italian, and I don't know how much that is in Chinese money, but that's how much He said she wanted.

1:10:20 So yeah, it's kind of a long story because it goes way back to when they got married. Again, this lasted two years. And then they had the divorce. I think this is where it gets kind of complicated because I've never been in this situation myself. The only reason he got married is because his mother forced him to.

1:10:40 He has two older sisters. They're in their 30s. And none of them are in a relationship or even married. I know that was kind of irrelevant, but I wanted to make it clear as to what he exactly told me. For the secrecy relationship we are having, he said he promised his mother that he wouldn't be in a relationship with any girl until he pays his ex-wife back. And he actually told me to wait two more years. And well, I mean, two more? I said this to him. I found out his family also had some kind of debt with a bank because their restaurant failed and they have a debt of over a million? He has a lot of weight on his shoulders, and he even told me he wasn't supposed to be in a relationship because he

1:11:19 thinks there's a pain now because of what happened to his ex-wife, even claiming all girls are the same. But he said something attracted him to me, which he cannot explain, and I can't explain it either. This all sounds like pure BS.

1:11:33 Yeah, that's exactly what I was going for.

1:11:35 What does this have to do with you, OP?

1:11:37 Exactly. He's like, oh, I have all this past trauma and I was married once. Now I have all these debts and my mom did this, my sisters.

1:11:46 My mommy said I can't get in a relationship because I'm an adult man and I made a mistake. So that's why I have to hide my relationship with you for four to five years. Does this make sense?

1:11:58 I couldn't. I'd be like, figure that out.

1:12:02 I can't take you out. I can't take you out. I've only taken you out on a dinner one time, and that was eight hours away. Does this make sense?

1:12:10 It's just, like, complete disrespect, truthfully.

1:12:13 You're living a lie, OP. I'm sorry. This is insane. OP continues saying, Another reason is because his ex-wife's family is talking bad about him to all his relatives, and he didn't want to get me involved. Thus, the reason he wants to keep it a secret until everything is paid for, or at least until he has the weight off of his shoulders, which is, again, Two more years, he said. I would also want some confirmation if getting a divorce in China is seen as some kind of disgrace.

1:12:38 He showed me all the transactions he did to his ex-wife, some even years ago, the messages from his mother way back, his divorce papers, and all the stuff I wanted to see. He doesn't have a second phone like some of the commenters predicted, and that's basically all of his explanation. I know it'll sound stupid, and I'm young, and I am stupid, but he asked me not to break up with him, but we can take a break from the relationship because...

1:13:02 He didn't really consider my feelings because he was only thinking about himself and that he was sorry. I want to scream.

1:13:08 I mean, he said he's sorry. You can just do what you're doing. I don't know. That's just crazy. It's crazy to think that he can hide his life from everyone. And just be like, that's a normal thing to do.

1:13:24 In my adult life. And also gaslight you to say, you're overthinking things. I'm not going to be honest and straight up with you from the very get-go. Hey, if I date you, we're not going to be really dating. It's going to be pretty much in secret. That's that.

1:13:39 Yeah, if you told any woman that, they'd be like, nope, thank you, next.

1:13:43 But all women are the same, but I was attracted to you, so. So you're different. OP, leave this guy.

1:13:49 Yeah, he doesn't have his crap together. And you don't want to deal with all of that. Because guess what? Even if he does come out and say like, oh, you know, like I have this girlfriend, blah, blah, blah. They're still not going to like you. They're not going to accept you. They're going to be crap talking. Who cares? Like, it's just never going to work out.

1:14:08 And hopefully it ends with OP. You leave this guy because this is insane.

1:14:14 Please.

1:14:15 So OP says, I was quiet the whole time because I didn't know what to say, honestly. But I said, sure, we can take a break. I told him if he ever wants to come back to me, it's okay. I accept him. But if he finds someone else or decides that relationship isn't for him, then I hope he will be happy with his decisions. I told him that no matter what happens, he can contact me. He said he was sorry that he made me miserable and those things.

1:14:42 I quit my job. I'm back home with my parents. I'll be gone for four months because my parents are making another branch for our store and I will help. We are still in contact and somehow in a relationship still. It sounds stupid, but honestly, I want to look forward to these two years. Well, like I said, I am young and stupid. Hey, stop being young and stupid. Stop saying I'm young and stupid. I can continue to do young and stupid things like this relationship.

1:15:10 Yeah, OP, you don't want to keep it a secret. You have openly said that. I don't want it to be a secret, and yet you're allowing it.

1:15:17 OP, you're pissing me off. I'm going to be upfront with you. You don't deserve this.

1:15:21 Yeah, OP, find some confidence and use that confidence to do better.

1:15:26 This man has given you nothing but stress, and you want to wait two more years? I guarantee you after two more years, he'll stay five more years.

1:15:35 Yeah, it's not going to be two more years.

1:15:39 I'm upset. And I'm also upset that this is the end of the story and the end of this episode.