My friend talks about her wedding daily… but she never INVITED me! | Reddit Stories | EP3142

0:00 Hey, this is Carly.

0:01 And this is Dakota, your favorite OK Storytime hosts, and we've got some great stories coming up.

0:06 But before that, we have a quick two-minute break from the sponsors that keep the show alive. My friend talks about her wedding daily, but she never invited me. Well, this is awkward. I, 25 female, met my friend Amanda, 27 female, at work over three years ago. She was new to the team, and I had the opportunity to help train her. We clicked instantly. and became really good friends pretty fast. There was never any doubt in my mind that we weren't close friends. Although her schedule was slightly different than mine, she gets off work an hour or two after I do. We always made plans and met up for shopping, drinks, hanging out, and double dates with our boyfriends. Obviously, we have mutual friends we work with,

0:50 and we all try to have dinner together every once in a while or go out to a bar or club. I was very happy for Amanda when she got engaged to her longtime high school sweetheart just over a year ago. They're absolutely perfect for one another, and when she showed me the ring, I was floored with how pretty it was.

1:08 I did ask when the wedding would be, and she said late in the summer of 2017. It's coming up in August. Ooh, throwback! By the way, this comes from Wedding Day, and if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash ok story time subreddit. I'm Savannah. I'm Sophia. I'm McKeon. And we're here to give some good advice, Goofly. But we don't have all your answers.

1:30 We're only going to tell you what we would do. Let us know what you would do down in the comments. As Opie says, she has spoken to me almost daily about her wedding planning process, which I'm totally fine with. One day while we were hanging out, she proactively told me that she wasn't inviting close friends or co-workers to the ceremony. She wanted a small and intimate wedding with her and her soon-to-be husband's family, and then everyone would be invited to the reception after. This seemed like a really good idea, and I said I liked that a lot. However, after she sent out invitations, three mutual friends and coworkers Snapchatted their invitations, and it's not just a reception-only invitation.

2:09 The snaps weren't sent directly to me, but were on their story, and I just so happened to see them while clicking through stories. I was hurt that I didn't even receive an invitation, even if only to the reception, but I didn't bother bringing it up to Amanda. Why not?

2:25 I would have been like, Amanda, why didn't I get invited to your wedding?

2:30 If Sophia was having a wedding and I wasn't invited, I'd be like, where's my invitation? What's going on? I'm sorry. And then I go, oh, don't worry. You're the flower girl. Well, actually, that's Keon.

2:40 Sorry.

2:41 Sorry.

2:41 I took that.

2:42 Keon already had that job. I'll bear the rings. I'll come in wearing a grizzly bear costume.

2:50 I would have messaged any of those three friends or three co-workers and be like, oh, I thought co-workers weren't invited.

2:56 Yeah, and then they all have to be awkward and they're.

3:01 Like, oh. I guess you weren't. Clearly, we weren't as close of friends as I thought, and she had already made it clear to me that she had no plans of inviting friends or co-workers.

3:14 However.

3:15 Since she had invited some other girls we work with, I figured it was just a roundabout way of her politely telling me I wasn't invited while trying to spare my feelings. How about she can just tell you that then? Yeah, that's a little weird.

3:26 Spare my feelings.

3:27 Spare those feelings.

3:27 Tell me.

3:28 My feelings have not been spared. However, she loves that word. She still talks to me daily about her wedding that's coming up in a few months. And it makes me uncomfortable. She constantly talks about everything. Recently, she... talked my ear off during our lunch break about her dress, and then showed me all the pictures she took in it before sending it off to get altered. It's a very pretty dress, but it was a harsh reminder that I won't get to be there to see her in it or celebrate her marriage. I'm perfectly polite and engaged in our conversations when she speaks to me about her wedding, but it's the only topic that ever comes up in any attempt to change it, somehow comes straight back to her big day.

4:06 I get it, she's excited, and she's allowed that, but it stings.

4:10 A lot.

4:11 Obviously, I've distanced myself from hanging out with her as much because her thoughts on our friendship are, or were, drastically different than mine. How can I politely tell her to stop talking to me about it without hurting her feelings? Or having it turn nasty? And if it does turn nasty, how should I even begin to handle it? I don't think Amanda would make things nasty. She's very nice. But I don't want her to feel like I'm attacking her in any way and then make a mountain out of a molehill. Any advice is greatly appreciated. There's an edit. Girl, I just think you got to like bring it up.

4:45 Just be like, am I coming to this wedding? That's what I would say. I mean, if you're truly like friends with someone, like I feel like I could ask that. Yeah, I think you could do that.

4:54 Or you can say, hey, you are not obligated to invite me to your wedding at all.

5:02 This is not an ask for that.

5:05 But I feel a little uncomfortable that you keep telling me about your wedding.

5:09 And I'm not invited. I was also thinking, like, maybe she just completely forgot to send it. Could be. Or just was like, oh, I just assumed. Oh, yeah.

5:18 Yeah.

5:18 I was like, am I coming to the wedding?

5:20 Yeah.

5:20 And they're like, yeah, of course. Or got lost or whatever.

5:22 Yeah.

5:23 Oh. Okay. It's a very easy way to segue, especially if she's talking about it 24-7. You go, oh my gosh, yeah, the other people were talking about it and I saw it on their stories that they were invited.

5:33 What happened with that? Yeah.

5:35 You don't even have to ask. I thought co-workers weren't invited or I thought there was going to be a reception after.

5:39 Am I coming to your wedding?

5:41 Do we think OP's invited?

5:43 I don't know. I think she is. I think she is too.

5:46 I think she is.

5:47 I don't know why you would talk about a wedding so much to a person that wasn't invited.

5:50 Exactly.

5:51 Yeah.

5:51 If I'm like specifically not inviting you, I won't talk about it because then I don't want to bring it up because I'm afraid that person will be like, am I coming? Yeah.

6:02 Edit.

6:04 I never expected this to receive as many comments and suggestions as it has. I've read every single comment thus far and I've gained a lot of insight into the situation. and how I should likely move forward. I will definitely speak up when Amanda tries to talk to me next. I will advise her that while I'm happy for her, I have no interest in chatting about or listening to her talk about a wedding or celebration that I wasn't invited to. If she tries to continue, I'll deflect it as politely or humorously as possible. If she freaks out, well, I'll handle that to the best of my ability. Edit two.

6:40 I'm seeing a lot of repeat comments and just want to reiterate a small fact. She has never asked for my address, nor does she know where I live, and vice versa. Although we hung out a lot, it was never at each other's place. She was living with her parents until she and her fiancé bought a house recently, so she wasn't comfortable having people over. And I live with several roommates in a shared home with my boyfriend, so I never invite people over. If she did intend to invite me, I imagine she would have asked for my address or given it to me by hand. Neither of these things happened, and with her family, first telling me she had no intention of inviting a particular group I fit into, I'm pretty confident that she never intended

7:19 to invite me from the get-go. With that said, I plan on politely nudging her to stop when she approaches me next. I'll update this when that happens. Thank you all so much for your advice. I want to know if she asked. I just need her to ask.

7:34 I need to get to the part where she asks.

7:36 Yeah. That's all. Well, the thing is she's not even going to ask. Like she's not asking her like, hey, I'm invited. Her way of going about it is, hey, can you stop talking about your wedding? Which I think is way worse. Yeah. Way worse to just be like, hey, stop talking about that thing you always talk about. Just ask.

7:54 Or you just be like, hey, if I'm not invited to the wedding, I don't need to hear about it kind of thing. Like it makes me feel bad that I'm not invited.

8:01 Update. Update. Hello, everyone. I meant to update this yesterday when I got off work, but I forgot. So here's a slightly late update on what transpired after I received a lot of great feedback and suggestions. I took my second break a little later than usual, hoping that Amanda wouldn't notice. Well, she did. And she hopped up from her desk and followed me into the break room. She said, hello, asked me how I was doing for once. And before I had fully sat down to relax, began chatting about her wedding again.

8:31 Oh, my gosh.

8:32 Girl can't catch a break.

8:33 I can't wait. Like, after this, what's your personality?

8:36 Yeah, like, what do we talk about? Are we even friends? Or do you just want to talk to your friend? Now it'll just be, well, after the wedding, then we'll reminisce the wedding.

8:43 The honeymoon.

8:44 And oh my God, the wedding was amazing.

8:47 You should have been there.

8:48 Yeah.

8:48 You should have been there.

8:50 Remember when this happened?

8:51 Oh, oh, shoot.

8:52 Well, this happened here. Look, we have it on video. Yeah.

8:55 She's like, I actually had to not invite one person so that I could tell them about everything that happened.

9:00 Oh, God.

9:01 You're invited because you're Amanda's journal. Obviously, she's like, take this down.

9:06 I waited a moment, then politely cut in with a smile and said, Amanda, I really appreciate that you want to share all of this with me. But this talk makes me slightly uncomfortable. She looked really confused and asked me why. I was honest and told her that it makes me upset that all it seems she wants to talk to me about is her wedding, and I wasn't invited.

9:26 She kind of laughed it off and said, but I didn't invite anyone from work, so it's not just you.

9:31 Okay, so she doesn't care.

9:33 Isn't that also a lie?

9:35 That's also a blatant lie.

9:38 So that comment alone made it very clear that I was intentionally excluded from her invitation list. Yes, she has every right to choose who she wants to invite to her wedding, but there's a right and a wrong way to go about it. Telling me she was excluding a specific group that includes me, then inviting other people and lying to me about it at that point is not the right way to go about it. A simple, hey, I know we're friends and all, but I made the decision not to invite you to my wedding for X amount of reasons would have totally been okay, and I would have respected that decision 100%. Yeah, pretty crazy to lie about this. So... When people are posting on their stories.

10:16 This girl just is not, like, not even... She didn't feel bad. She's just like, yeah. Well, Philly. Yeah. Well, I didn't invite anyone. And then three other people post on their story that they got invited. I really hope Opie goes, it's okay that you don't want to invite me. I don't know why you're lying.

10:31 Because I just saw three other people from our work post that they were also invited.

10:36 But yeah, don't talk to me about your wedding. Yeah. So she's not invited. But I don't know if someone's not invited to someone. I'm not just going to keep talking. Yeah. It's so rude. Just seems like. That's not the right way to go about it. No, it's just rude. It's like, oh yeah, I have my like birthday party coming up, you know, and this is the theme and these X amount of people are going to be there and we're going to have this big, huge party. Everyone's invited except like a few people. Including you. Including you. But I want to tell you all about it. Like, oh, that's weird to me. It is so weird. I kind of gave her a weird look and said, but you invited friend one, two, and three. I saw it on their

11:12 Snapchat stories a while back. Unless that was a mistake. I have never seen a woman turn around so fast and bolt out of a room. Oh, you idiot.

11:21 She went, oh man, they posted all of that on their stories? If she was trying to lie about that, she should have told them, hey.

11:28 Keep this a secret.

11:29 Well, at least, hopefully this reveals the truth, cat's out of the bag, and she doesn't have to talk to you about it anymore.

11:35 Okay, Bill, don't call me. Don't come by my desk. You're not invited to my wedding. That's crazy to be like, well, but I saw your friend's post.

11:47 Which is crazy.

11:49 Why isn't she talking to them? I don't know. I think she's going to go talk to them. She ran out of the room to go talk to them. She looked positively angry. I imagine she went to find all three of these girls and tell them what I found. Either way, I got to enjoy the last few minutes of my break in peace. She didn't approach me for the rest of the day and avoided me as we both walked the same path to leave the building and get to the general area where we had parked our cars.

12:15 Safe to say I've lost a few friends. For what? They weren't really your friends. Safe to say I've lost a few friends, but I'm not heartbroken about it. I'm just glad there wasn't any drama involved in my saying anything. And I'm pretty sure all four of them will be avoiding me from here on out. But, like, why? It's so ridiculous.

12:34 That's what I don't understand.

12:35 Because they're like, oh, well, OP got us in trouble, which is not the case at all.

12:39 I don't know.

12:39 This is ridiculous.

12:40 They weren't really your friends.

12:41 Yeah.

12:42 I don't know. I just would not. I would ever do this. Because who does this? Like, really? Who does this? Just to like.

12:51 Attention seekers, people who just want to talk and like just. feel superior.

12:55 This obviously was a very one-sided friendship.

12:59 Oh, yeah.

12:59 Where OP's friend just like, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, and OP's like, uh-huh, uh-huh, like, great listener. Okay, all right. And it's like, actually, you don't know anything about me. Yeah, I actually don't like you. All I know is the wedding that you're throwing that I'm not invited.

13:12 Yeah, I only know about your wedding that I'm not invited to.

13:14 I can tell you every detail about the wedding that I'm not going to, but you don't even know where I live. But that's the end of that story, folks, and we got another one coming right up.

13:24 I gave my friend my blessing to date my ex. She treated me like a threat.

13:28 Girl, I gave you permission.

13:30 Take him. I, 20 female, cut off my best friend of eight years. 21 female, let's call her Lucy.

13:37 For Lucifer. Ooh.

13:39 We grew up together, lived close by, went to the same school, and eventually ended up at nearby universities. In high school, we both became friends with David, 22 male.

13:48 Oh my gosh. Someone here likes a certain anime.

13:53 Ooh. What anime?

13:55 Cyberpunk.

13:57 I started dating him when I was 16 and he was almost 18.

14:00 We were together for about.

14:02 A year and a half and pretty much everyone at school knew that we were dating. Honestly, he was a great boyfriend. We eventually broke up because long distance wasn't working after he left for college. I was the one who ended things. There was no cheating, no huge fight, no messy breakup. We stayed on good terms afterward. Every month or two, we'd check in, chat for 10 or 15 minutes, and move on with our lives. I even attended his 20th birthday party. A few months later, Lucy admitted she'd always had a crush on David and asked if I'd be okay with her pursuing him. I was dating my then-boyfriend Mark, was completely in love, and genuinely didn't care.

14:41 So I told her to go for it. Nice!

14:44 By the way, this comes from smoothspell7918, and if you want to submit to your own stories, go to the r slash ok story time subreddit.

14:51 I'm Sophia. I'm Savannah.

14:53 I'm Keon.

14:54 And we've only got some advice, and it's definitely goofy, but if you've got other advice that's maybe more.

15:01 Serious, put it down below.

15:03 OP says, the only boundary I had was when she suggested a double date.

15:08 A double tat.

15:09 What?

15:11 What did you say?

15:13 A double tat. Yeah. A double tat. She just scattered. A double tat. That's really good. I'm so glad. A double tat.

15:24 Mark wasn't exactly thrilled about having dinner with my ex, which I think is pretty reasonable, so I politely declined. Lucy got weirdly upset over it. Fast forward about a year and a half into the relationship. Lucy throws a party, David's there too. I didn't really know a lot of people there. She had invited mostly her uni friends. So he was one of the familiar faces. Every single time I'd start talking to him, she'd magically appear like she had a sixth sense and pull either him or me away with some random excuse. After the third time, I got the message and just kept my distance. Later that night, it got pretty late and David offered to drop me back to my PG.

16:06 Your pig? I don't know. Lucy got into the car too.

16:10 Girl sat in the passenger seat like her boyfriend was about to dry hump me from the driver's seat at.

16:15 A red light.

16:16 What?

16:17 What does that mean?

16:18 What?

16:19 Is that like she's sitting in the passenger seat like. After that, I intentionally distanced myself from both of them. I only replied when she texted first and I stopped talking to David altogether. Then, a few weeks ago, Mark and I broke up after two years.

16:36 Oh, no.

16:37 I was already having a rough time between work, being away from my family, and the breakup. Lucy invited me over to cheer me up. Instead, she tells me David has been distant lately, spends more time gaming with his friends, has been canceling dates, and then asks me if I think it has something to do with me. Mind you, I hadn't spoken to David since the party. Then she clarified she wasn't accusing me of doing anything yet. She was just worried that now I was single, I might make a move on our boyfriend. That was my breaking point.

17:08 Was there any point at, like, actually having a conversation with this girl?

17:12 She just sounds, like, annoying.

17:13 I think she's just insecure.

17:15 Yeah, obviously, yeah. That's a big thing. Big time insecure. So big insecure. I would also say... that it's so funny that as soon as OP and Mark break up, she's all of a sudden like, oh no, she's gonna go after, she's gonna go after David. They've been talking about it back this whole time. They've been friends for so long because they dated that one time in high school.

17:37 Oh my God. She's putting David into a panic room. She's like, David, stay here. Don't leave, David. I told her if she was this.

17:44 Insecure about me and David, she never should have dated him in the first place. I also told her I never go after a man in a relationship. let alone my friend's boyfriend. I even showed her my chats with David, which I absolutely did not owe her, just to prove we'd barely spoken. Then I called her insecure, left, blocked her everywhere, and haven't spoken to her since.

18:05 Oh, dang.

18:06 Wow.

18:06 I mean, I wouldn't really block her, but I guess she's been on. Yeah, I guess if she's been, if this has been a long time coming.

18:14 Do you think it'll make her feel better or worse? Like she'll overthink it or underthink it?

18:19 OP?

18:20 No, Lucy.

18:20 Oh, Lucy.

18:21 Oh, she's going to be like, David, is she still contacting you? David, is she still talking to you?

18:26 Oh, I'm sure she'll like go through his phone and it'll be like a trust thing because she'll be like, oh, I.

18:31 Can't see what she's doing. And David's like, David will have a photo.

18:34 An old photo. Yeah, of them together.

18:36 And she's like, how dare you?

18:38 I knew it.

18:39 Some mutual friends think I overreacted because she was just asking. But after months of being treated like I was lurking in the shadows, waiting for the chance to steal her boyfriend, I was done.

18:51 So am I the a-hole? No, you do what's best for you. Nope. I don't think I have to deal with that. Yeah, she was she's just an insecure girl who real like, you know, it's nice that she didn't like do this behind your back, like ask your permission. Like, is it OK? You know, whatever. I think that's like being a person. I like that. But not like every time you guys talk, you know, she's like showing up like, oh, hey guys, what are we talking about? Oh, that's so funny.

19:18 I think that all the time.

19:20 Yeah.

19:21 It's like, okay. It's like, I don't know anyone else. So obviously I'm going to hang out with this person. Like that would be the same thing if like I went to, you know, a party and like Sophia threw it and I only knew her boyfriend.

19:35 Yeah.

19:35 I would probably just talk to him. I mean, I try to probably talk to the other people, but like ultimately, you know, you have like the people you go back to. Yes. Like the people that you feel comfortable with. Exactly. I'm like, oh, I know this guy.

19:47 I'm gonna talk to him but that's the end of that story and we've got another one coming right.

19:51 Up i let my friend stay with me rent free then she moved someone else in hey what gives i mid-30s female have a friend early 30s female who has been going through a difficult period after a long-term relationship ended Earlier this year, I let her stay with me while she looked for a job. We never set a firm end date, but I expected it to be relatively short.

20:15 She ended up staying for almost three months, from February to the end of April. During that time, she didn't contribute towards groceries, utilities, or cleaning. I knew she didn't have a job, so I didn't ask for rent, but eventually I sat her down and said I'd appreciate a contribution towards utilities going forward. Before I could even explain what I meant, she actually offered to pay radioactively from... Retroactively.

20:38 She's paying radioactively.

20:40 I was like, I actually can't accept that because I can't touch it.

20:44 This girl. She's radioactively. This girl, she's giving me radioactive money.

20:47 She's imagining dragons.

20:49 I was confused when I said it and I was like, maybe I just don't know that term. Before I could even explain what I meant, she actually offered to pay retroactively from when she first... in. I accepted. I calculated her share, just electricity, gas, and water, and sent it to her. She paid immediately with no argument, and we had a friendly conversation afterwards. So I considered that issue resolved, as would anyone else. By the way, this comes from Quaidon, and if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash ok story time subreddit. I'm Savannah.

21:24 I'm Zovia.

21:26 I'm Keon.

21:27 And we are here to do some funny things and talk about some funny stuff. But we don't have all of the answers. We're only going to tell you what we would do. But please let us know what you would do down in the comments. Please.

21:38 You're so funny.

21:39 Kabba's God says she's paying in uranium-235. She's playing radioactive money. I can't accept that. I can't even touch that money. Please, I can't accept it.

21:50 Don't tell the Libyans.

21:52 As Opie says, fast forward to now on July 6th, I asked her if she'd like to do it. She didn't answer that message until today, August 2nd.

22:00 Whoa.

22:00 So a whole month. Dang. Even though we'd spoken several times in between. I'm currently traveling overseas for several weeks. She offered to house sit and look after my plants for August. Yesterday, we also spoke normally, and she never mentioned that anyone else would be staying at my apartment. This morning, while I was asleep, my security camera kept sending me motion alerts. About 15 minutes before she arrived, she messaged me asking if it would be all right if her friends stayed over at my place for a few days. The problem is that by the time I received the message, she and her friend were already on their way. I later found out he was already there.

22:36 This isn't someone I know well. I've met him once about five years ago. I replied asking what would have happened if I had said no, and her response was simply, ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha.

22:49 Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

22:52 You didn't say no, though. I haven't responded yet. because I just want to curse her out. I called her before I sent that message and asked how she dealt with the alarm and she admitted something about the camera. When I asked what happened, she told me she unplugged it because she wanted to charge her phone.

23:09 Girl.

23:10 You mean to tell me there's no other places for that?

23:11 Girl, there's no other outlets? Come on. The camera is in my bedroom. When I asked why she was in my bedroom, she said she was unclothed, which means she had been changing and sleeping in my bed. I never gave her permission to use my bedroom. She has always stayed in the guest room whenever she's been in my apartment.

23:30 Her guests could stay on the sofa bed. I'm also now going to have to strip the bed and deep clean my bedroom when I get home. Before leaving, I spent hours deep cleaning the apartment specifically so I wouldn't have to do it after traveling. I do that too. I love coming home to a nice clean house. Me too.

23:46 I can see both sides because I get really weird about asking people... if like they could stay at my place, but I feel like, I don't know. You also have.

23:57 To, I someone understand the person staying over, but staying her staying in Opie's bed.

24:04 That I wouldn't do immediate. Like, no, I would definitely ask if that was an option.

24:10 Yeah.

24:10 I'd be like, is it possible?

24:12 Yeah.

24:12 I have someone else staying here. Could I sleep in your bed or something? Yeah, no, you know, like crazy to sleep in the bed and not ask. Yeah.

24:21 That's really weird. I wouldn't do that. For context, she has apologized to me in the past when she's crossed boundaries, and I expect she'll apologize again when we speak later today. My issue isn't whether she'll say sorry, it's that I feel like she repeatedly assumes access to my time, home, and generosity without asking first. Am I overreacting by feeling like this has seriously damaged my trust in her, or would most people see this as a major boundary violation?

24:49 yes to both of those yeah i think it's fair to say yeah she's done this in the past if like if this was a one-time thing i'd be like okay yeah crappy but like just don't do it again but if you said this has happened in the past where she's disobeyed your boundaries and yeah.

25:05 Get a divorce immediately this is my cat's name yeah divorce your roommate It's just blatant disrespect.

25:13 And at that point, you're not... Like, she's not being a good roommate.

25:17 No.

25:17 By, like, using your stuff, unplugging your things. And Opie's saying, like, hey, what if I said no? And she just goes... Yeah, like, that's not even a conversation.

25:27 Yeah.

25:28 No, no, no. I don't think you're overreacting at all. I think you can... I think she's not being fair. And... She, like, does these things. I would sit down and have the conversation of, like, do you not feel comfortable coming to me and asking me things? Because I'd rather you ask than you just do and then apologize later. You know?

25:45 Also, just get out.

25:46 Just get out. Get the heck out of here. But we've got another story. Hey, it's Carly, Keon's girlfriend, here.

25:55 We're going to get back to the stories, but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

26:00 My friend told me to get over my father's memorial, so I snapped back.

26:05 He just passed.

26:06 I honestly don't even know where to start.

26:08 I'm a 21 male and I have a friend that I've known for four years. His parents divorced when he was five and both of them decided to leave custody to his father because he was.

26:20 Financially better off and for other reasons as well. Growing up away from his mother obviously affected him.

26:25 He's also an only child, which may have played a role in shaping his somewhat odd personality. His dad is a good guy overall, although my friend thinks that he's a bit controlling and overly focused on his grades. Apart from that, his father has always supported him financially. I've always tried to keep his background in mind. Of course, I'll never truly understand or relate to what he went through, but because of that, I will think twice before saying.

26:52 Anything to him, since he's very sensitive.

26:54 He went through NOM!

26:58 With that divorce. It was a war. It was. Anyway.

27:02 He's the kind of person who wants you to listen to all of his problems, but won't listen to yours.

27:06 Yeah.

27:06 Then why are we babying him? Hmm. What are we doing?

27:10 Call an energy vampire.

27:12 This guy wants people to have ears, but he doesn't want ears on himself.

27:15 Sounds like it.

27:16 I didn't pay much attention to that because he has some good traits.

27:20 Very faithful and genuine.

27:22 So I overlooked a lot of things that he says that other people might find hurtful. OP, I think we've got a chronic people pleaser on our hands. Did you?

27:31 Uh-oh. Doctor, I believe we've got our CPP on our hands. We need it surgically removed.

27:38 Just get the knife out. Get the scissors. Riley, you are a woman doctor. What do we do?

27:49 I don't deal with pee-pees. The women I work with don't have those.

27:55 By the way, this comes from ResearcherEmpty8071.

27:59 And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash OKStoryTime subreddit.

28:03 I'm Angie.

28:04 I'm Riley.

28:05 I'm Angie.

28:06 Oh, and we are here. All two of us are here to do what?

28:11 You got a big butt. You might be, Angie.

28:14 Holy cow.

28:14 Now that I'm looking at you.

28:15 We're here to give good advice goofily and some other nonsense apparently as well.

28:20 Riley's eyes are going like this right.

28:23 Now.

28:23 Excuse me, Pennywise right now.

28:27 Well, we don't know everything though. So if you know more than us, comment down below. We welcome it.

28:32 Wait a second. I know what it is. Angie doesn't have a mustache.

28:35 That's the difference? That's the one difference that you found?

28:38 Oh, he notices. Aww. In this economy and day and age, Chivalry is still alive.

28:44 Yep.

28:45 We do know something.

28:46 Thanks, Riley. You're such a good boyfriend. Right, Angie?

28:49 Right.

28:50 Angie.

28:51 That's right.

28:51 Yes, we're both Angie.

28:52 Yeah, right, Angie?

28:54 Right, Angie.

28:55 Right, Angie.

28:56 Anywho, OP says, ever since I first learned about his upbringing, I've gone out of my way to avoid mentioning the word mom or mother around him. As he opened up to me once about how sensitive this topic is for him. If my mom calls me while he's around, I'll say it's my sister calling because I don't want to hurt his feelings.

29:15 OP, you are just too dang nice. You are just too dang sweet, OP. I need you to not be sweet anymore. It's getting annoying. Couple of days ago was my dad's memorial.

29:26 Every year, I like to spend that day alone, remembering him and allowing myself to experience the wave of grief that intensifies.

29:33 Around this time.

29:35 Unfortunately, even though I wasn't in the mood, I had to attend a meeting for a research project with this friend and a few colleagues. After the meeting ended, he came over and asked why I seemed gloomy. I apologized and told.

29:47 Him that I wasn't in the mood to talk. He already knew why, by the way.

29:51 He looked me straight in the eye and with a flat expression said... It's been seven years since he passed.

29:58 Get over it.

29:58 Oh.

30:01 You know, any other day, any other day, but the day that he passed.

30:04 Yeah. If Opie was using it as like an excuse for like everything.

30:09 Yeah.

30:09 That's one thing.

30:10 Yeah.

30:10 But it's not.

30:12 It's not. He's still showing up to this research night.

30:16 The opposite of this is going up to a couple that is celebrating their wedding anniversary and saying, get over it.

30:21 It's been seven. Eight years.

30:23 That would actually be really funny to say to someone. It's your birthday? Oh, it's your 25th birthday?

30:29 Get over it. Get over it.

30:30 It's 25 years.

30:32 That was 25 years ago. Get over it. That's so funny. Oh my God. That's hilarious. But yeah, no, that's insane.

30:39 Especially since like the fact that he asked, why so glum, Sugar Plum?

30:43 And he already, like he was asking that with the.

30:47 Intention of being able to just like shove it in his face that he's too sensitive and needs to get over his passing.

30:56 Okay.

30:57 I was so shocked by how insensitive his comment was, it made me so mad that I immediately replied, well, it's been 17 years since your parents got divorced.

31:07 Get over it.

31:09 Boom!

31:09 Never been so proud. That was amazing. Great job, OP.

31:13 Shoot. Period.

31:15 Period. The moment I said it, I regretted it.

31:18 No, no, you didn't. You had that in your back pocket. You were ready.

31:23 It was a cruel thing to say, and I can't forgive myself for stooping to that level.

31:27 I wasn't raised to treat people like that.

31:30 His face immediately turned red, and he walked away without saying a word. He hasn't contacted me since. I honestly don't know what to do. Am I the a-hole in this situation? How can I apologize? What should I even say?

31:43 I mean, okay. Whatever. Objectively, whatever. Sure. It was like a mean thing to say.

31:51 Whatever.

31:52 But it was like the perfect comeback to what the crazy thing that he just said.

31:58 Because, hey, mister, your parents are still alive. I feel like divorce is like.

32:01 They still have a chance to get back together.

32:03 It's still a tough thing to, what did you say?

32:05 They still have a chance to get back together.

32:06 It does happen sometimes, believe it or not. But sometimes it like, divorce is a little bit.

32:14 Oh, really?

32:14 On the hierarchy of grief, I would say that a parent's passing is higher than divorce. You know what?

32:21 I disagree with you on that one.

32:23 Please tell me how.

32:24 We got married and we got divorced.

32:26 I feel like a divorce is worse than a passing because you're still alive, but yet we're not together anymore.

32:32 So if I died, you wouldn't be as sad?

32:35 Peace. I would be sad, but the thought of, oh, she's still out there and I can talk to her, but I can't because we're divorced, kills me.

32:44 But it also kills me that you're gone for.

32:46 It is still tough, that's for sure, but I would say.

32:49 It's like an insane bucket.

32:51 Listen, I'll say divorce was good for my parents.

32:54 Yeah, but it might not be for someone that's madly in love with their wife.

32:57 Okay, here's what it is, though. It's not him getting divorced, it's his parents.

33:02 Oh, okay, agreed.

33:02 At the end of the day, sure, was it a mean thing to say? Yeah.

33:06 But listen, he also said something mean, so it's like, boom.

33:09 Boom, we're even.

33:10 But an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. Yeah, I mean, you definitely shouldn't aim to get revenge, but now that it's done, it's like, well, whatever.

33:19 Opie could do the route of, listen, I'm sorry, but you provoked me. You say I can't grieve over my loss.

33:28 Yeah.

33:29 Don't see how it feels when you do this with your loss.

33:32 Yeah, exactly.

33:33 You could totally save it like that, being like, yeah, no, I don't actually think you should get over it. I think that's a crazy thing to say, so I wanted you to feel how it felt.

33:41 So, whatever. I don't know. He'll be fine. But we do have an edit. Edit number one.

33:49 I'd like to clarify a few things. My friend wasn't abandoned by his mom. She's still actively involved in his life. It's just that she lives in another state.

33:57 But they do text and call all the time. Oh my gosh.

34:00 Then whatever he was complaining about, I think it's the excuse card. Like the get out of jail free card that he just likes to overuse. Of like, my parents are divorced. I get to complain about this. And you know what? I'm sensitive.

34:13 Yeah, and it's like, well, maybe look at half the population. Half of the people are divorced.

34:19 Yeah, you don't get a special card to pull out and be like, ha ha, grow up. Yeah, it's traumatic. Yeah, it sucked. Guess what? You still have both your parents.

34:28 I don't know.

34:28 Maybe we just need to spread grace, both parties.

34:32 Riley, I broke my arm when I was an eight-year-old.

34:35 Okay.

34:36 You don't see me crying about it. Or my parents got divorced. You don't see me going- Aw, you have a happy family?

34:42 He said this in a place of hurt. Sometimes you gotta give that love. Then he can overcome that. If you meet hate with love, love will always win.

34:50 Over time.

34:51 You're the turkey.

34:53 Too smart.

34:54 Also, I'm 6'1.

34:55 Too mature.

34:56 I'm dating you.

34:57 Sounds great to me. Back to what OP is saying. I've met her once.

35:02 She's a very nice lady. He didn't ask me not to mention the word mom. It's just that he talked once about how it hurts him when others mention their mothers because he grieves the fact that he didn't grow up with her. I just avoid mentioning my mom because.

35:16 I don't want to hurt him. I don't know. Maybe I'm overthinking it. But I noticed once that he felt down.

35:22 Edit number two. A lot of you suggested to cut him off. I would have considered this if we were only classmates.

35:29 But here's the thing.

35:30 We're together in the same learning community. In my med school, a learning community is where a group of students basically sticks together for the entire semester. That means that next year, I'll be doing rotations and group projects with him, etc. So it'd be hard to just cut him off, as we'll have to communicate at some point.

35:50 And that's the end of the story! Alright, what's he doing? What's our plan for this guy? For OP? Is he cutting him off? Is he responding? Is he.

35:59 doing violence you think you'd cut him off even after how hard it would be to actually do that.

36:05 If i'm grieving and daniel came up to me he says something like this think about what daniel's thinking about me he's not around me yeah.

36:14 I mean obviously i feel like the obvious answer is to talk to him about it that is just the answer for like pretty much all these things here.

36:22 Spread love i don't know why are they just not understanding it's.

36:25 Yeah, just talk. Hey, man, my bad.

36:28 Didn't mean to hurt you like that. I understand if that's still hard for you.

36:31 But can you understand that that was a not cool thing to say?

36:34 Daniel's dad has passed away. He passed away at a very young age. Oh, really? I would never in a million years say that to him. I had a good friend.

36:41 Yes.

36:42 Not a real friend.

36:43 And someone has said some messed up stuff to Daniel, not about his dad, but about who he is as a person.

36:47 You can't keep those kind of people around you.

36:49 You can't. I think the relationship maybe forever changed.

36:53 But I think not talking about it, especially when you have to interact so much with school, is not the way to go because it's just so awkward, man.

37:02 You know, and you cut them off. Yeah, your name.

37:04 See, my friends know me. So, like, there are drabs, so you can cross a line. And you're like, okay, that was pretty rough, but, like, don't ever do that again. But if you keep doing it, I'm cutting you off kind of thing.

37:13 Yeah.

37:14 You know your friends. You know, like, their humor, like, their style. You know what you can say, what you can't say. So if my friends, like, did make fun of me for, like, my parents' divorce, I'd be like, okay, cool. But like if I'm uncomfortable, don't do it again. And it seems like it made Opie uncomfortable.

37:27 Yeah.

37:27 Has anyone done that again after you talked to them?

37:30 No, no, no.

37:31 They know. It's like, all right, you get like one and you know you messed up.

37:35 Yeah, yeah.

37:35 Just apologize and move on. I think talk to them. But if they continue to, you know, negate your emotions and say you aren't allowed to feel that kind of way about something that's really important to you, especially like a parent passing away. Yeah.

37:50 Yeah.

37:51 Obviously, you are not empathetic enough or you're not my friend to know that's not cool.

37:56 Right. Agreed. Absolutely.

37:58 Let's see that story.

37:59 Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite host who's always on track here. And we're going to get back to the stories in three minutes after these ads from our sponsors.

38:08 My friends ignored me while I worked for them, then blamed me months later. Doing a bad job? I, 28 male, work professionally in the film industry. On smaller productions, I work as a DP, cinematographer. camera assistant, and editor.

38:22 Wow, sounds like Christian.

38:24 Yeah.

38:25 On larger productions like A-list music videos and national commercials, ooh la la, I'm.

38:31 Usually a PA.

38:33 Work has been painfully slow lately, so when someone I know from my synagogue offered me $ 300 to edit his 16mm student film, I took it.

38:44 No. No. Oh boy.

38:46 I used to edit. That is not worth it.

38:48 No, yeah.

38:49 That's way below what I'd normally charge, but I needed the money. When he first dropped off the hard drive with the footage, I immediately realized it was the only copy of everything they had shot.

39:00 Oh no.

39:01 Scary.

39:02 I handed the drive right back and told him I wasn't touching it until he made backups. There was no way I was going to be responsible of the drive if it became corrupted and the only copy of the footage was lost.

39:14 That does happen.

39:15 Yep.

39:16 Very easily.

39:17 For footage, you need it in three places. You need it stored in three places and in two places. Yeah. So on the cloud and then three on your SD card, a hard drive.

39:26 We do that. We do that. That's good.

39:29 He eventually backed everything up onto two more drives and brought it back.

39:34 Problem solved.

39:35 I could tell he was annoyed, but too bad. I keep my workflow as professional as possible. As I started organizing the footage, I realized things were a mess. There were multiple scenes with problems. Some scenes had never been shot. In other scenes, entire pieces of dialogue had never been filmed. Others were missing audio altogether. Several shots had no usable slate.

39:57 The clapperboard at the beginning of a take that tells the editor what scene and take they're looking at so the video can be matched with the right audio.

40:04 Dude, this is on you. This is student film. They don't know what they're doing.

40:08 Yeah, you took $ 300 from a student. Who said, this is my first film. Take it. Here you go. Who didn't even know that he had to back up the footage.

40:16 Going from coaching an NBA team.

40:18 Yeah.

40:19 To a middle school team.

40:20 Yeah.

40:20 And you're like, why don't these middle schoolers know how to play basketball?

40:23 Why is he not dunking?

40:24 Dunk, kid. Dunk.

40:26 Just dunk.

40:27 God.

40:29 Specifically, the slate was out of frame often or so out of focus that it was impossible to read.

40:34 Ditch.

40:36 Get good.

40:36 Dude, yes.

40:37 Get good.

40:38 Exactly.

40:39 Some scenes were mislabeled, didn't match the script, or couldn't be identified at all.

40:45 Dude, no.

40:46 By the way, this comes from OKTour4632, and if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash OKStoryTime subreddit.

40:53 I'm Sophia.

40:54 I'm Riley.

40:55 And I'm Savannah. And we're here to give good advice, Goofily.

40:59 Well, we don't have all the answers. We're just three little lads. So if you're a fourth little lad and you've got answers.

41:06 Put them down below.

41:07 OP says, at one point, because there were no readable slates for some shots, the director asked me to lip read the actors and match the footage to random audio files.

41:17 Oh, now you want to be a voice actor?

41:18 I'm going to be so for real. It's not that hard.

41:22 I had to do that.

41:23 We've been editing all of our shots and we don't know how to be organized yet. And I did have to just match my audio file to my lips. It was not that hard.

41:32 Really? Yeah.

41:33 But he has to do different pitches, different people he's never really heard of.

41:38 That's true.

41:38 I think you could kind of, I mean, I guess I was operating with, it had its own audio built in and I was just matching it.

41:46 Ah, I see, I see.

41:47 So it's completely silent?

41:48 Yeah, that's weird.

41:49 That's different.

41:50 He's coming from, everything's already organized and I just have to edit and now you're having to do a lot of.

41:54 No.

41:55 Organization.

41:55 It's so fair that Opie's like, this is so much more work than I anticipated. But also, it makes so much sense why it is not organized at all.

42:04 You shouldn't have done this, bro.

42:06 And short film, we're doing like maybe two minutes. Short film, I mean. Yeah, it's long. I'm guessing it's over like 15.

42:13 Imagine every video that you make and that's one scene.

42:17 Yeah.

42:18 To be clear, this is a nightmare, but it's a nightmare that he accepted for $ 300.

42:21 For $ 300?

42:22 You're stupid! I refused because there were literally hundreds of video and audio files, and without proper slates, there was no realistic way to know.

42:31 What matched what.

42:31 Oh my gosh.

42:32 It would have been pure guesswork. Lip reading would have also been too time-consuming for what he was paying me, and he was out of money.

42:39 Dude, literally read the script and figure it out as you go. He's too dependent on the system.

42:44 Honestly, yeah.

42:46 I also found out I was the first person to actually watch the footage after it came back digitized from the film lab. Nobody had reviewed it before.

42:54 Handing it to me.

42:55 So I was the only one discovering all these issues for the first time.

42:59 Because you're the editor.

43:01 Yeah.

43:01 That's what the editor does.

43:03 I'm sorry.

43:03 This is really close to home because I went to school for filming and I edited for a pretty good five years of my life.

43:09 Yeah.

43:10 You kind of figure all that out.

43:11 Dude, I can't with this guy. You're the problem.

43:14 As I worked, I documented everything. Every time I found a problem, I emailed or texted the director. I synced everything that could be synced, assembled the best cut possible with what I had, and wrote a detailed post-production report explaining every missing scene, every missing audio file, every labeling issue, and everything that needed to be fixed before the film could actually be finished. Honestly, for $ 300, I feel like I went way beyond expectations.

43:39 Yeah, that's like a thousand dollar project.

43:41 Yeah.

43:41 I delivered the edit I was able to put together, sent him the report, explained there was nothing more I could do unless they found the missing audio, identified the mystery footage, or reshot the missing scenes. And then I didn't hear another word for four months.

43:54 That's how it goes, man. I shot a student film. I added one shot of it, one take of it. I guess like the first iteration.

44:01 It didn't touch it again.

44:03 I was in a student film and I never saw it.

44:05 That's how it goes, man. I was in a student film too and I didn't watch it because I was the bad guy in it.

44:10 Oh, I never saw it.

44:12 Because I don't know if they finished it.

44:14 Dang, mine was horror and I got killed. Aw. I was the smart one.

44:18 Aw.

44:19 After delivering the work I could do, I would sometimes see the director at synagogue. He stopped acknowledging me, which I thought was weird, but maybe just a sign of embarrassment.

44:28 Because you took his $ 300.

44:29 Yeah, and he was like, you didn't even finish the job. I wasn't judgmental at first. They were big mistakes, but I've done my share of poorly made films and videos in my earlier years. so I didn't think any less of him. Then, months later, out of nowhere, he called me. He said he wasn't happy with my work. He told me I'd done the bare minimum and that I could have done better, accused me of never communicating any of these problems, and then told me I had ruined the film and his plans to have it ready in time for a festival.

44:59 Goodness gracious.

44:59 I think he's looking to blame somebody.

45:02 Yeah, he also said he'd spent $ 10, 000 of his parents' money making the film and that my editing had... Basically made all of that money and effort for nothing.

45:12 Dude, you should have got a better editor.

45:14 Yeah, dude, you should have paid for a better editor. It probably would have been about.

45:18 $ 10, 000. Your parents' money?

45:21 Yeah.

45:22 I reminded him about all the emails, texts, and my post-production report. He insisted I hadn't communicated and said his DP agreed that I didn't work hard enough.

45:31 Dude, your DP did a bad job, too.

45:33 Yeah, your DP did a terrible job.

45:35 How much did you pay your DP?

45:36 Nothing.

45:37 Pennies.

45:38 This is when I lost my temper and added the TP to the call because I felt strongly both these young men needed a reality check. I started yelling and really laid into them. I asked if they were blind because that's the only way someone could possibly shoot slates that were out of frame or so out of focus they were completely unreadable, lose audio, not film dialogue without realizing, and all the other problems.

46:01 Dude, you need to walk away.

46:02 Stop. Yeah, if you should just be like, give me my 300 bucks and let me go. I'm never working with y'all. Are you blind?

46:08 I also brought up that the main hero character the director wrote was a creep, and I questioned their morals. I asked them how they could fail to shoot entire scenes, leave dialogue unfilmed, lose audio, not notice missing or unreadable slates, and then somehow blame the editor for it months later.

46:25 Because it's the editor's job to put it all together. Yeah. The editor position... It's crazy how much power the editor has.

46:33 Yeah.

46:34 I mean, like, like that's why in a, in film, you know, in the Oscar, you know, whenever we have like the Oscars and the award stuff, like people always talk about like, oh yeah, you really don't see it.

46:46 Like the movie does.

46:46 Not come together until the editor gets it. Someone was saying like, oh, the guy, this one like male director was talking about how he just kind of shoots whatever he wants and And then the editor comes in and goes, okay, well, here's the story.

47:01 Have you ever seen The Social Network?

47:03 It's a very popular movie about Facebook. The first scene that they shot, they took 147 takes because the director wasn't happy with it. And the editor had to go through all of those and pick the best one.

47:15 Sounds like Tennessee Williams if you read any of his plays. And there's no wiggle room for any stage direction because he writes every single thing each actor should do. That's funny.

47:26 I've never done a Tennessee Williams play.

47:29 I have never done it, but I read them.

47:31 I told them no editor on earth can create footage that was never filmed or sync audio that doesn't exist. While I was saying all this, I started sending screenshots of every email, every text, and the entire post-production report I'd sent them months earlier. About halfway through the call, both of them started crying. Once they saw the documentation, the director immediately threw the DP under the bus. He admitted the DP had actually been the one blaming me from the beginning, and the DP confirmed that was true.

48:00 That honestly made me even angrier.

48:01 Dude, just say it was bad.

48:03 Oh, boy.

48:04 And walk away.

48:05 Oh, boy.

48:06 I demanded an apology for blaming me for the problems that were already there before I even opened the project.

48:13 Aye, aye, aye.

48:15 What a piece of work this was, OP.

48:18 At first, him getting to these young men about this film project, I was like, no, you shouldn't do it.

48:24 But now, I'm glad you did.

48:25 Me too.

48:26 I'm glad you got these guys in check.

48:28 Yeah, they needed to learn.

48:29 They need to learn if they want to be filmers and directors.

48:33 Film bros.

48:34 Film bros. Because right now, they're just film infants. They're film babies.

48:39 They don't have what it takes yet.

48:40 I try to stay away from film bros.

48:43 That's fair.

48:44 They're the equivalent of the creepy theater girls.

48:47 That's fair. But we got a little bit left.

48:49 OP, don't accept jobs for $ 300 from students who don't really know what they're doing.

48:56 I accepted a wedding video for $ 300 to edit.

48:59 And the bride got mad because they didn't record the vows. I was like, dude, that sucks.

49:03 How is that your fault? I didn't record it. I say I do. Yeah, you're supposed to. You're supposed to step in there. You're supposed to recreate that moment. You can do... Wait, like, have you ever watched the Amanda show when they have block blister? Instead of block.

49:18 Oh, my God.

49:18 And they... She goes... I rented the Titanic and then they watch it and it's like the two people who work there just reenacting it like oh no the boat is sinking ouch ouch Jack.

49:30 Help yes and Riley does that but with the wedding yes and he goes I do and then he so he shifts over I also do and then he's the priest And you guys can kiss now.

49:41 And then it's just him going.

49:43 Voice over me making out with myself.

49:48 Looking back, OP continues. I know I lost my cool.

49:52 I've spent years getting yelled at, belittled, and treated like crap by people higher up than me on professional film sets. It's not right, but it's common. I think what pushed me over the edge was being blamed for someone else's mistakes. by a director and a DP who had never even worked on a professional set before. Now, I've heard through mutual friends and members of my synagogue that people are saying I'm a hot-headed a-hole who screams at people, including younger film students. I know the ruined film isn't my fault.

50:22 I know I was handed footage with major production problems and did everything I could with it. But I also know I completely lost my temper when they blame me. Again, this kind of goes into Dakota's silly baby. These are little babies.

50:37 These are little babies who go, but why did my film turn out right?

50:41 And you go, dude, I'm just the editor. I worked with what you had. You didn't have anything.

50:47 You should be glad I even had anything out of it. Someone asked what the DP is. The DP is the director of photography. So it's like the director's right-hand man. Director says, I want the shot to kind of look like this. And they make the shot look as incredible as possible.

51:01 Yeah.

51:02 Clearly that did not happen. Didn't happen. Well, that's actually the end of the episode.

51:06 So if you love us, make sure to subscribe.

51:08 We love you. And see you tomorrow.