I GAVE UP my son to my parents years ago... Now I'm finally ready to be a mom! -r/AmITheAsshole | Reddit Stories | EP3141

0:00 Hey, this is Angie. And this is Dakota, your favorite OK Storytime hosts.

0:04 And we've got some great stories coming up.

0:05 But before that, we have a quick two-minute break from the sponsors that keep this show running. I gave up my son to my parents years ago. Now I'm finally ready to be a mom.

0:16 Uh, actually, that one's mine. I'll take that. So I, 26 female, was inspired to write this by another post that I saw that seemed similar to my situation. When I was 19, I gave birth to a boy named Alex. He's 7 now. I didn't bond with him at all when he was a baby, and even though I loved him more than anything, my life was ruined and his would be too. I was failing my classes, I couldn't work, I couldn't afford babysitting... I gave Alex up to my mom and stepdad and they've raised him as their own ever since. And I'm going to be so for real.

0:48 That's their kid now. That's their kid now. My mom and stepdad took on the role of grandparents. And while I wasn't there for Alex as a baby, he knows me as mom, which I am so thankful that my mom allowed. Thankfully, my parents are tech savvy, so I was able to FaceTime with him every night. My grades went good. I have a degree, a good job, and am in a relationship I hope will lead to marriage.

1:12 My fiance, Jacques.

1:14 Ooh.

1:15 Ooh.

1:15 30 male. Like the strap. Yes, the Jacques strap.

1:21 Are you kidding me?

1:22 Yes. That was so good. Everyone should laugh at that.

1:25 That's what you want.

1:26 Laughs in the chat, because I was like, laughs in the chat. She's still talking to herself. That was good. I know, I know. Jacques knows how important Alex is to me, even though he doesn't live with me and isn't being raised by me. My parents still have guardianship over Alex, but he started spending a weekend every month at my place. But we still FaceTime good morning after school and good night every day. By the way, this comes from Throwaway Madulek. And if you want to spit your own stories, go to the r slash showcase story time subreddit. I'm Sophia. I'm Sophia.

1:59 I'm Sophia.

2:00 And we're all Sophia. And if you're Sophia, put Sophia down in the comments.

2:04 Don't put Sophia down in the comments.

2:06 You'll put her up. Hey, guys. Someone said my vibes suck, girl. That's what they said. Someone said your vibe sucks, girl.

2:13 Don't put a girl in there.

2:16 We're not girls. Oh, I've had much worse. Opie says yesterday Jacques surprised me with tickets to go with him to his cabin in Ontario for a week. Jacques really likes Alex and wants to get to know him better. Jacques is really impressed by how smart Alex is and thinks he could get him into the local private school he teaches at. But I'll admit that Alex doesn't really know him. Even if he's told me he thinks he's cool.

2:43 I know I can't force love, but if Jacques didn't respect my son, even if I'm not raising him, I never would be with him. But I also don't feel I can get married unless Alex is okay with it either. So I asked Jacques if he could get a third ticket so Alex could come with us, and he agreed right away, even though it costs more.

3:01 Tough.

3:03 If I'm Jacques, if I'm Jacques and I'm about to take my lady to a weekend stay at my cabin in the woods and we're about to get it on. And then she says, hey, my child's come with too. Is that cool? And I have to go, yeah, I guess. I called my mom and stepdad and asked if I could take Alex on vacation after Christmas since he'll be off school for the next two weeks. My mom didn't seem that enthusiastic about it. My stepdad pretty angrily told me that he, my mom and Alex already had plans for that week. and they didn't want to cancel them, and that he was really upset and hurt by me asking without even thinking they had something going on. He told me to go and sort out my priorities before phoning them back. I talked to a friend of mine

3:44 after that, who I appreciate for being blunt, and she told me it wasn't a whole thing to ask because I didn't focus on Alex enough to even know that he and my parents might have plans. And I've felt super terrible about it since because I don't want to be taking my parents for granted. I told Jacques and he told me I wasn't wrong to ask since I wasn't demanding anything. And that my friend was wrong for saying that I was an a-hole, but I'm not sure.

4:09 Am I the a-hole? And we do have an update. So she's not trying to get her son back... in terms of, because I thought the title kind of implied, oh, she wanted custody back, but it seems she just wanted to take him on a vacation to the cabin. Yeah, I thought it was going to be a custody thing, too. Be like, oh, now I'm ready to be a mom.

4:25 I would like to, you know, start incorporating my child into my life now.

4:30 Do you think this was an a-hole ask? I don't think so. I mean, I agree. I don't think it was, it was like she was demanding, like, my child needs to come with me on vacation. Yeah, it was more like, hey, can I, I'm going to bring him. Is that like cool?

4:43 And they're like, We're already going on vacation, so no. For example, Savannah, hey, do you want to come to my house for Christmas?

4:51 Yes.

4:51 Oh, shoot.

4:52 Wait, okay. Oh, sorry, no. Okay, there we go. No, I don't. And then I go, oh, okay. Do you have plans?

4:58 Yes.

4:59 Oh, okay.

4:59 Well, that's fun. And then it's over. And then we go, oh, all right. Well, you have plans, so you can't make my Christmas plans.

5:06 I thought you were going to ask me.

5:08 Oh, okay, Keon, do you want to come over for Christmas?

5:10 Not anymore.

5:10 Wait, do you want to.

5:11 Come to my Christmas?

5:12 I'm here.

5:13 Okay, the point is, it's not a crime to ask a question. I don't think that's bad.

5:18 Is it a crime?

5:19 Is it a crime?

5:21 Democracy manifest.

5:23 I don't think it's a crime. I don't think it's a crime. I don't think she'd be, like, arrested.

5:27 Maybe put her in handcuffs.

5:28 Yeah, but at least put the thumb cuffs on her. The thumb cuffs? The thumb cuffs? You ever see thumb cuffs? It's like just your thumbs. It seems the Chinese finger trap. No, no. It's better than that trap. This is a cuff. For your thumb. After I posted that I was going to go to my parents and apologize in person, my stepdad came over. He took me to the ice cream shop.

5:48 He'd take me to when I was little to talk.

5:51 Hey, kid.

5:52 Let's go talk at the ice cream shop. I used some of your pointers in our talk. He apologized for making the comment about my priorities and said he was wrong. He told me how proud he was of how far I've come, how I'm the light of his life and that he'd always stand by me. He told me he and mom were scared that I'd try and take custody of Alex since I am finally ready to be a mom.

6:14 And if that's what I want, then he'll support me. I told him I just want what's best for Alex. But my biggest fear is he'll grow up thinking I didn't love them. And I want him involved with me and Jacques because he's the most important thing to me. That I don't feel like I can get married or have more kids unless he's okay with it because he's my baby. This is really sweet. I was really worried that this was going to go kind of down the route of OP saying, I want the kid. Yeah, like fighting for custody.

6:40 But it seems like they all just really love Alex and they just want him to have a good life. Yeah, they just want to spend time with him.

6:45 We agreed to work something out after Jacques and I came back from the cabin. He gave me a big hug and a kiss on the forehead when he dropped me off. That was the last time I saw my stepdad. Oh, he had a massive heart attack when we were at the cabin and he passed away. Whoa.

7:00 Dang.

7:00 Whoa.

7:01 No yikes so the last wait the last time she saw him was at that ice cream shop yeah.

7:08 And you know what like that's like to have it be your last time what a what a like gif it's.

7:14 Kind of crazy what a gift i was just talking about we were talking about a friend's yeah mother that we were like we just saw and my mom was like well you know life's could be very short yeah and she was like we just celebrated a birthday for her granddaughter next day. Like she was happy, enjoyed like meals, everything.

7:31 Nothing like her health was fine.

7:33 I mean, yeah.

7:33 Stroke. It was just like, and my sister and I were like, what?

7:37 Well, I'm glad in both these situations, like these people had these lovely, you know, like last moments, but not actually knowing.

7:44 Yes.

7:44 And it was very sentimental. And just like him being like, oh my God, I'm so proud of you. Like how beautiful. Gives me chills. I don't like typing that. I moved back in with my mom and Alex because I don't want my mom to be lonely or for Alex to feel abandoned. Since then, I've kind of gotten to really be mom. I've been making all of Alex's food, dropping him off, picking him up, helping with homework, putting him to sleep, cuddling with him. Everything my stepdad did for me.

8:10 It's tiring, but it's more rewarding than anything. And I just wish I could see my stepdad again and ask if I'm doing a good job. I have been like, my mood has shifted. That's all I can say. I'm going to finish this off. Thankfully, my work has provided grief counseling and I'm able to take Alex with me.

8:29 I think it's helped him more than me because when my mom put up a photo of when my stepdad first took me fishing and when I saw it when I came home, I just broke down crying because I miss him so much. But then Alex came and hugged me and said, Mommy, you don't need to cry. For my mom, this is so sweet. I'm going to keep stepping up and be there for her. And for Alex, I'm going to try and get stronger than I am so I can be the mom he deserves. Thank you guys for giving me help before. I know things are a bit sad now, but I think the future is a bright one. And my stepdad always told me to look forwards.

9:01 Thanks.

9:02 And that's the end of the story. But how beautiful. You know, OP's at a time in her life where she really feels like she could step up and be a parent. And then, unfortunately, under very... hard circumstances, she is, you know, kind of thrust into that role, but it seems like she's really, but I think she was ready.

9:23 Yeah.

9:23 Just obviously horrific circumstances, but.

9:27 You know, uh, it, it, In the end, I guess it all, you know, worked out.

9:33 There wasn't any like family feud or anything over this.

9:35 Yeah.

9:36 I'm really, really like, you know, there's no good time, but I'm really glad that OP got to have that final conversation and not be like, not leave, you know, not let him leave angry or with, as you said, any resentment.

9:48 Yeah.

9:49 And it was just, and it was just them too. Like didn't need anything. That was really, I don't know.

9:55 I think that's just really beautiful. It gives me, chills. Me too. But that's the end of that story. And we got another one coming right up. Hopefully not so sad.

10:05 I wanted to leave my family's holiday early because they made me feel unwelcomed. I guess I'm not wanted here. I, 27 male, lost my vision three years ago and became completely blind.

10:17 Shout out to the blind one. That's horrid. That is horrible. Yeah, that's really hard.

10:23 All right, time to be Daredevil.

10:25 That's the only thing you can do. Or Toph. Or Toph, yes.

10:30 It's been a major adjustment, but ultimately I'm doing well. I've lived out on my own since before losing my sight and continued to after. Over time, I actually saved an appreciable amount amount in electricity as i don't need the lights on.

10:47 At all which is like you don't think about that but that is i remember i saw a post and it was like someone had a blind professor and they were like do you save a lot on electricity he's like yeah i just don't have the lights on i don't have to watch tv yeah well you could listen to podcasts.

11:01 You can that's listening not watching like.

11:04 Us any bad people out here in we're.

11:09 Yeah.

11:09 And if staying were here, I'd say in staying, but it leads me to situations where it's just no longer on my mind when entering or leaving a room to flip the switches. I try to make a conscious effort at other people's houses. I've been staying over at our parents' place with my two siblings and their spouses. It's a full house over the holidays. We all moved out to other states.

11:30 So it's a.

11:31 Bit of a distance for us to visit. Plus it's been five years since all of us have been together. And for some of us, it's been years since we saw our parents. As a result, we're all celebrating Thanksgiving and Christmas now.

11:44 Multiple times during the.

11:45 Week so far, we've had light switch incidents, and it's frustrating the family. The switches are ambidextrous and often connected to another one inside the room, so it's entirely possible for me to walk in, flip the switch to on, and actually turn it off, or walking out, flip the switch to off, and have it turn on.

12:04 That's really funny, though. Bumpy's like, okay, bye.

12:07 Lights off.

12:09 My boyfriend will do that when I'm in the bathroom or something. Sam will do this, too, where he'll walk into my room, and he'll be like, hey, but not even think. He'll just be like, okay, bye. I'm like, I'm still in here. No, they know because he comes back and he's like, oh, I'm sorry. And then he turns him back on. This is creating chaos. I can only imagine. Turn the back on.

12:29 He's like, you see what I see.

12:30 No, I don't.

12:32 No, I don't see.

12:34 By the way, this comes from Family Trip Out, and if you guys want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit.

12:40 I'm Savannah. I'm Sophia.

12:42 I'm Keon.

12:43 And we are here to give some good advice, goofily, but we don't have all your answers. We're only going to tell you.

12:47 What we would do, but let us know what you would do down in the comments. As Opie says, I've had someone throw a book near me or other times start screaming in shock because I was in a dark room and didn't realize they walked.

13:01 In until they shouted.

13:02 Oh, gosh.

13:02 Okay, but none of this is, like, your fault.

13:05 It's not your fault, but can you imagine someone just sitting in a dark room?

13:09 But, yeah, like, okay.

13:10 Just staring at the wall.

13:11 The first time. After the first time of someone walking into the room and you go, oh my God, I didn't know there was someone in here.

13:19 Yeah.

13:19 Then you realize, oh, this is my blind family member who doesn't have to turn on the lights.

13:24 Yeah.

13:25 Maybe I need to get used to this.

13:27 I do this with my dog. I think that's ridiculous. Because my dog's blind too. So we just put like a bell on her. Yeah, put a bell on Opie. So we should put a bell on Opie.

13:34 That's fine.

13:34 I don't know. I think they're all being ridiculous. I think Opie should just not touch the lights. And there we go. Opie shouldn't have to accommodate for anyone. Yeah.

13:45 Sister-in-law apologized profusely for the book, though. Dad will start complaining about how he's not made of money and reminds us that he's told us a million times that the last person out of the room has to turn out the lights, only to get very quiet when I admit it.

14:00 Was probably me. Then he'll just say not to let it happen again. But how can you? Opie doesn't know.

14:06 I think Opie just needs to be like, hey, leaving this room.

14:09 Yeah, leaving this room. I'm in this room. I don't know what they want from OP. I know. It's like, remind you, I'm blind. Yeah, OP's not allowed to save money by being in a dark room or spend money by being in a room with light.

14:23 A couple times, my sister has brushed past me and turned out a light behind me. And when I thanked her, she sighed and said, well, you clearly have difficulty. I'm getting real self-conscious in a way I haven't been for a couple years now.

14:37 Aw, and you should have.

14:39 I tend to stick in my room until I hear multiple people awake in the morning and follow them around the house. But even so, I've had to be careful it was my brother or his wife because my sister or her wife, book sister-in-law, or mom or dad will startle. Truthfully, I think maybe we do need a bell in this situation.

14:58 Or I don't, I don't even know. Or like, I don't know. I think they're just like mad at OP for everything.

15:04 Yeah.

15:04 Which is a little crazy to me because OP has been blind for three years, three years. And you would think if anyone would understand or would try to understand it would be his family or her gender or him, him, him, him.

15:19 Okay. I said, right.

15:20 Okay.

15:20 The man. I said that first noise. It would be his family. Um, but you know, it sucks.

15:27 Just start clapping when you enter a room.

15:28 Yeah.

15:29 Yeah.

15:29 It's like, I don't know what else to do.

15:31 Mom has always joked about having cardiac issues, but it's starting to affect me when she says that I'll give her a heart attack By my sneaking around.

15:39 That is not your fault.

15:43 It's your fault that you're blind.

15:45 Even so, my brother will sometimes ask me why I'm following him like his shadow, which is to avoid messing up the lights. I don't want to be using my eyesight as an excuse, but I feel like it might be best if I head out now and let them have their Christmas together.

15:59 Is your family dumb?

16:01 I think they are. I think they've all forgotten that you're blind.

16:03 Your brother's like, why are you following me?

16:06 I do think, you know, I think it's a little bit of when someone's only been had this disability for maybe three years and you've grown up with them being, you know, not having that disability. You're maybe so used to acting and interacting with them in a certain way that you do forget. And I'm wondering if that's it.

16:27 And then just every time they're like, oh, right.

16:29 Oh, yeah.

16:29 Right.

16:29 Right.

16:30 But it doesn't seem like they're even clocking it like after, you know, they make these stupid comments. Well, it's not clocking. I'm a father. The thing is.

16:38 I'm blind. It's not clocking.

16:40 I will give them this. They haven't seen each other. Like some of them haven't seen each other in years.

16:46 Yeah.

16:46 So maybe.

16:47 So everyone coming back into the house all at once. Also having to now be like, oh, yeah.

16:52 Oh, he's blind. I forgot about that.

16:54 And then. I don't know.

16:55 I feel like if one of you, like, even with all my family members who I haven't seen in say, a couple years. I get the information that they are blind. I'd be like, what do you need? Let me help you. Obviously, none of this is your fault. What do you need to make sure that you're comfortable? Because this is crazy.

17:13 Would I be the a-hole if I leave a family trip early? Honestly, I would talk to them first.

17:18 I'd definitely talk to them and be like, listen guys, I know I may be causing problems, but also I don't live here.

17:22 This isn't going to be forever.

17:24 And I'm sorry if this is an inconvenience to anyone, but I cannot help my medical condition.

17:30 I think it's the perfect thing of help me help you what do we need to make sure no one has a minor heart attack or people start throwing books at me or like people get annoyed by me what do you need.

17:42 Because I'm I'm moving the best I can yeah it's just like this could be with anything like saying you were like allergic to like gluten or something in your family oh like it's not accommodating and be like it's so annoying that like we have to accommodate for you now and it's like.

17:55 It is not my fault my body rejects it sorry I don't have eyes I don't know what you want from me yeah my eyes don't work Update. I'll preface everything that none of them meant to make me feel like a stranger in my childhood home, or that I had to hide just to avoid inconveniencing them.

18:12 They all feel horrible and have apologized. Okay, OP, we spoke to them.

18:16 Amazing.

18:16 Book's sister-in-law has repeated her apologies especially, and my sister said she didn't mean to come across as condescending.

18:24 We're working on it. Dad seemed to get emotional when he said that this house is my house too until the day after. I pass away.

18:32 But then followed up with, or until they sell it, men move in with one of us younger, young ones. My sister hit him and told him that deflecting with humor was how he got to this point and we need to learn better means of communication.

18:47 Hey, sister. Okay. Her wife suggested family therapy and my brother seconded. None of us are opposed. Even my bootstrap loving father. I'm amazed by that, most of all. There were a lot of revelations. A lot of liquor. A lot of tears.

19:02 A lot of shouting of bringing up the very late past and the more recent years.

19:07 Then more tears.

19:08 Rhymes.

19:09 Put that in a book of poetry or a song.

19:12 Rhymes.

19:13 We were not estranged, but we haven't been close in years, and it shows. I've held off on responding, as I'm sure I still don't do this justice with this post. My family definitely wasn't yet accustomed to my blindness. They kept tripping over sayings like, good to see you.

19:28 Ah, shoot, but he can't see me. I can't say good to see you. It's rubbing it in his face. What is he going to say?

19:36 They kept tripping over sayings like, good to see you, and felt like they couldn't talk to me easily anymore without committing... a faux pas of some sort. It's a huge adjustment for them too. Basically what we have here is a failure to communicate. I'm staying the rest of the trip.

19:53 Yay!

19:54 Mom and dad are going to dedicate a single set of switches and keep it year round until this house is no more. So they don't build the wrong habit. They want this to feel as much as a home as it did growing up.

20:05 There was a little bit left here. I think it all worked out. Yeah. And it really was the communication. So it really, yeah. And it makes sense. You know, this is kind of what I was saying of they haven't seen him in a while. It's only been three years. And they haven't been around for those three years. And it is an adjustment period. Like when you are interacting with a person who did not have that disability before.

20:27 And then suddenly does. Or not suddenly, but you know, now does. And you're kind of relearning how to interact with them.

20:35 I wasn't the kid that was overlooked all the time. But I did have to suck it up a lot of years or go without notice because of my siblings' achievements. It means so much to me that my family is going this far for me. There's more than just the switches in therapy, by the way. But it's personal and I won't go into that further for privacy reasons. Thank you to the Redditors that urged me not to leave.

20:56 Same to more.

20:57 Other Redditors for similarly encouraging me to speak up rather than just leave. I have high hopes for us. We all didn't speak for so long because of poor communication and other reasons that maybe this is the turning point. And you don't need eyes to see that. And you don't need to see it because you can just feel it in your heart.

21:17 And.

21:18 Also, physically, you could probably feel around and you could feel it. But yes, I love that it worked out. This was honestly a very sweet little touching story. And that's just, you know, our motto, communicate. Yeah, truthfully. That's most of the stories. It's just like, just talk. Just talk to each other.

21:36 And that's the end of this story. We're going to go to the next one.

21:39 My aunt refused to let me see my old home and I made her cry that night. Oh, come on, crying. So I, 16 female, and my little brother, Ben, 12, live with her aunt, Katie, 35. She's like super rich. We live at a farm in BC?

21:58 British Columbia.

21:58 British Columbia. And her house is huge. She's an engineer. She goes to fancy dinners, has met primers, MPs, some sort.

22:08 Of, I don't know.

22:09 Many pies.

22:10 I'm assuming that's some sort of political thing.

22:12 Yes.

22:12 And meets business people a lot. She got my brother a PS5 the day it came out.

22:18 Damn!

22:20 Okay.

22:20 Our mother was not rich and we lived in a one-story house, but I loved it. After our mom passed, we were supposed to live with our dad's parents in Ontario, but aunt took us both instead. I didn't really know aunt Katie before that. Like I remember when I was little, she lived with my mom and grandparents, but then she was gone one day. Mom always said they had a bad fight, but she never talked about it. And Aunt Katie's told me enough for me to get the feeling that they didn't really like each other because of it.

22:46 I know Aunt Katie loves me, like she'll teach me how to cook, go to my games, help me with pre-calc when she's around. But it's not like it is with Ben.

22:54 Also, MP was members of parliament. I was thinking military police.

23:00 I assumed it was some sort of political.

23:02 I was like, oh my gosh.

23:03 She treats him like he is her son. And I've always just felt like I'm staying over. By the way, this comes from Piccolo Aunt.

23:10 Piccoloco.

23:11 Piccoloco Aunt. And if you want to spin your own stories, go to the r slash showcase story time subreddit. I'm Sophia. I'm Savannah.

23:17 I'm Dakota.

23:18 And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. So if you've got answers, put them down below. And Dakota was lying. That's Keon. And OP says, see, you're confusing all the black people. You're confusing my people.

23:31 They should know my voice then. They should know my voice.

23:33 What if they're new?

23:35 No.

23:35 No, they're not allowed to be new.

23:35 They'll be like, that guy's funny.

23:37 Literally, last story, I'm pretty sure we were all Sophia.

23:40 We were Sophia.

23:41 And I was ashamed.

23:43 And I was ashamed. I don't know.

23:45 I've really been missing home. And yesterday after dinner, I asked her if I could go and see it. And she said no.

23:51 Oh.

23:51 I asked why. And she asked why I would ever want to go back there when she's given me so much better. That's a weird take on that. It kind of started a fight between us. And she said she's always hated that place. And it hurt her to go there. Then she said one day I'd appreciate her taking me into this house when it's mine. And I just yelled back that I want to go back to my real home.

24:12 She just got really quiet and sent me to my room. I heard her crying in her room last night when I went to the washroom and I feel bad, but I don't know if I'm wrong because I just want to see it again. When I told Ben about it this morning, he told me I was an a-hole since I made her cry. And she does so much for us.

24:28 I mean, you're 16. You were bound to make her cry at some point. That is true. Don't act like that's the first time because it's not going to be the last either. Writing this in my free period. So not sure I'll be able to respond much. And edit. Quickly putting this in before lunch period ends. My mom passed away when I was 12 and my brother was 8.

24:46 And we've lived with Aunt Katie since then. She didn't just take us in this year. And we do have an update. But what do you think Opie should do?

24:55 Uh, I think, you know, maybe apologize and just be like, Hey, I didn't mean for this to like be a huge thing.

25:01 I just, you know, I just wanted to go home. Yeah. You can just say, Hey, I'm feeling these very big feelings. I miss my mom. I recognize how much you've done and I appreciate it. But I just want to go home.

25:15 It's nothing against you. Like, that's how she's taking it. She's like, oh, I'm not good enough then. Or this, you know, everything I do for you, you're ungrateful for.

25:23 And she's got these own, you know, she's got her own feelings.

25:25 About the house.

25:26 Exactly. So it's like.

25:28 I feel like she's projecting all of her insecurities and, you know, scares that she has facing this big fear of hers to go back to this house.

25:36 And she's young. She's 35.

25:38 35 dealing with a 16 year old.

25:41 Come on.

25:41 She probably bonds better with Ben because he's younger. And a guy. She just doesn't know how to talk to women. She hates women. That's what I've heard from this story. Update. So the day I posted, I didn't see Aunt Katie because she was working all day. But the day after, she surprised me by picking me up from school, Ben Bust, and she told me we'd talk about things at home.

26:03 Then she took me shopping and then to the spa. And we had the best time together. When we got home after dinner, she said we needed to talk now and took me to the nursery. I did get scared because that's the one room Ben and I aren't allowed to go to.

26:17 What happened to the nursery?

26:18 Well, presumably she didn't have her child.

26:19 Well, okay.

26:20 I would think. She said she was sorry if I didn't think of her home as mine yet and would try harder. She told me how bad her parents were to her, but that it was okay for me to keep loving them because they weren't like that to me, but I can't anymore. Interesting. Wait, I thought that she was sister to OP's mom. That's what I thought too.

26:43 Well, she's saying her parents as in like OP's parents, I think in that sense.

26:49 She said her parents were to her. So maybe OP's grandparents. Like her parents as in like. OP's grandparents.

26:55 OP.

26:55 No. She told me how bad her parents were to her.

26:59 Oh.

26:59 Yeah.

27:00 I'm intrigued.

27:01 Oh.

27:01 Wait, what?

27:02 I mean, yeah, because going back to it, Opie's mom said that they did have a bad fight between her and Aunt Katie.

27:08 Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I'm wondering what happened between Opie's grandparents. Now they're the same parents. Yeah.

27:15 I think it's parents.

27:15 She told me she left home because my mom stole her master's tuition money to pay for me and Ben.

27:21 Dang.

27:22 Whoa.

27:22 And she didn't tell me this because she didn't want me to ever think of my mom as bad, but I needed to know why she wasn't going back there.

27:28 Wow.

27:29 I honestly felt like crap at that point. She told me she took us in because our mom was probably afraid of what would happen to us when she was gone. And what if being with our dad's parents let him take us? Then she told me how everything she has is for Ben and me and how it will all be ours when she's gone. And I just started crying because I didn't want to think of her being... passed away like everyone else we love okay so they why do they live with the aunt that is slightly unclear because i was like did i just miss that yeah it is unclear it.

28:01 Wasn't really said it was just like they just we were supposed to live with our dad in ontario yeah aunt katie took us afraid of what happened.

28:08 To us yeah Okay. And then it seems like maybe the dad... And then Opie's like, I want to go home. Probably Opie's mom was very young when she had Opie. Because she passed away when Opie was, what, 12, I believe? So it's been four years since mom passed away. I cried like a baby in her arms till my head hurt.

28:30 And I think I ruined her shirt with all the fluids.

28:33 Aw, ew.

28:34 My worst nightmare. I hate fluids from the face. I tried to remember what you guys told me to say, like how I should apologize and stuff, but I couldn't. So I just kept saying sorry. When she finally got me to calm down, she asked if I felt okay. And I remember what one user said, and I told her how I love doing all the things we do together because it made me feel like I still have a mom and that I felt jealous she did so much more with Ben, like she wants to be his mom, but not mine. She gave me a hug and said she loves me just as much and promised to make more time for just us. She did make me brush and go to bed, but she sat on my bed and held my hand until I fell asleep. I know it was babyish, but I did like it, and it

29:13 did make me feel a bit special again. I love this. Ugh, I'm not crying anymore. Since then, things have been so much better. We've all been spending so much more time together, and it has kind of started feeling like a real family. I still haven't gone to see my old home, and I still want to, but maybe that'll come another time.

29:30 I guess I'm just happy that things between my aunt and I are better, and that's the way it'll stay. I love that.

29:37 That was really sweet.

29:38 Well, that really went well. Seems like maybe aunt just didn't realize that she wasn't, you know, again, OP is older than Ben.

29:46 Yeah.

29:46 And she probably is spending a little bit more time just to like, she's 16, he's 12. So yeah, 12 year olds need a little bit more guys, especially when they're when they're 12 you know yeah and you know I know both of them lost their mom and whatnot but it's still I don't know it's just you want to make sure.

30:05 The youngest is okay yeah just because it's.

30:09 I don't know that's just the way that it is obviously you want to make sure everyone's okay but especially the youngest because they don't know and.

30:15 OP might have looked like she was you know taking it a little better so she was focusing on.

30:19 Ben we don't know and that's the end of this story we're gonna go to the next.

30:23 One My friend asked me to hide my girlfriend, so I said no. I would never do that to her.

30:32 I have a really close 25 year friendship with a woman who was so loving and supportive when I came out to her as bi.

30:39 What kind of bi?

30:41 Biracial. She came out to her biracial. I came out. I don't know if you notice. I came out as a bicycle. I'm a bicycle. I don't know if you noticed, but I do have wheels.

30:52 Queen wrote a song about me.

30:55 You know that song? Let's call her Trudy.

30:57 Oh, not about her.

30:58 Trudy.

30:59 Six months ago, I met the love of my life and we have had a wonderful relationship.

31:05 Let's call her Anna. Anna has met almost all my friends except Trudy. who lives far away.

31:10 Yesterday, I arranged to meet up with Trudy to introduce her to my girlfriend. However, because Trudy couldn't find a babysitter, she said she'd bring her three kids with her, all under 12.

31:21 Oh, dang. I hope her kids are okay with her being bi.

31:25 A couple of hours before we were due to meet up, Trudy texted to ask if it's okay to introduce Anna to her kids as my friend, rather than my girlfriend.

31:35 Oh, come on. So I had to read that back, because I was like, huh? You can keep going.

31:39 No, but that's still like, like, cause they, what? So she doesn't have to explain to the kids.

31:44 She's like, I don't, I don't really want to explain by. It's just too tough.

31:50 Oh.

31:50 Yeah, they're never, I'm going to keep them, I'm going to keep them away from it forever.

31:54 They're still learning their multiplication tables right now. It's really hard for them to do math.

31:57 Kids are like the, it's the easiest thing to explain to kids. They don't have any preconceived notions. They're just like, oh, yeah, okay. Probably this is how they would respond. They'd be like, oh, this is Trudy's, this is your mommy's friend's girlfriend. Yeah, they'd be like, girlfriend? You'd be like, yeah.

32:12 Like friend?

32:13 No, like how daddy and I are dating. Do you guys kiss?

32:16 Yes.

32:17 And there we go.

32:18 And they just start puking.

32:20 And then they start making out. Everyone makes out.

32:23 She said they won't understand that she's my girlfriend and she's not ready to have that talk with them yet.

32:28 Oh, my gosh. You don't even have to have a talk with them. It doesn't even have to be a talk. She's like, this is her girlfriend. I would say no. I'd be like, nah.

32:36 Sorry.

32:37 Yeah.

32:37 By the way, this comes from Mundane Coworker.

32:40 And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit.

32:44 I'm Savannah. I'm Sophia.

32:46 I'm Keon.

32:46 And we're here to talk about some stuff, give some advice, but we don't have all your answers. I'm going to tell you what I'm going to do.

32:51 She's going to tell you what she'd do. And maybe he's going to come in here sometime and say some stuff. He'll say something.

32:57 Stuff. Something.

32:59 Got it.

33:00 He got it. He S & ed the crap out of that. Look at him go.

33:03 And what your job is to put your... things in the comments.

33:09 Not your private things just yeah let me.

33:11 Rephrase that put your comments in the comments there we go put your opinions in the comments okay there.

33:16 We go don't keep your things to yourself keep your.

33:18 Things out of the comments your private things to yourself as op says i was totally taken aback by this request and said no i said that i'm not comfortable being in an environment where my relationship isn't acknowledged and i don't want to hide who my girlfriend is to me I said that if she isn't ready to talk to the kids about same spicy sleep relationship. Is that weird?

33:40 I said if she isn't ready to talk to the kids about same spicy sleep relationships, which admittedly is a big subject, it might be better if we reschedule to another time. Trudy was very hurt and said she had been incredibly supportive of the relationship and isn't asking me to hide anything.

33:55 Yes, she is.

33:56 You literally just asked me to hide something. She's like, I'm not asking you to hide anything. I'm demanding you hide it. Yeah. I'm demanding.

34:05 I'm not asking, actually. I'm very hurt by her response and so upset. I feel like I've extended a lot of kindness and understanding to her. whilst holding my own boundaries. I'm not asking her to discuss anything with her kids that she's uncomfortable with, but I'm not prepared to put myself or my girlfriend in that situation. Trudy genuinely doesn't understand my position and now isn't replying to my texts.

34:28 This is a friend who has been nothing but supportive and loving to me for 25 years and has been so excited about my new relationship. Am I the a-hole for not meeting up with her unless she introduced my girlfriend as my girlfriend?

34:40 100% no. You're not the a-hole. No. It's pretty ridiculous that, and it's not supportive of her, you know? Update!

34:49 Trudy rang me. She said she was sorry about what happened and explained that she only realized on the bus with the kids that they'd be meeting and attract to the same gender couple for the first time. She quite understandably didn't want to have the conversation with them on the bus in front of lots of strangers, and that's when she texted to ask if she could introduce Anna as my friend. I think it would have caused us both a lot of upset.

35:15 If I'd known that was the reason.

35:17 And if I knew that, I wouldn't have had a problem if Anna and I were introduced as friends. She said she will talk to the kids about same spicy sleep relations.

35:27 And look forward to meeting us another time. I'm so relieved. Okay. Okay there. So then it worked out. I think she just probably felt a little overwhelmed.

35:35 Yeah.

35:36 But like genuinely for any parents who are like, oh, I just don't know. I don't know how to tell them you're putting it off. Really, it's not hard. You don't have to go into immense detail because kids understand things pretty easily.

35:54 And that's the end of this story. We're going to go to the next one. Hey, it's Angie, your favorite fake redhead host here.

36:01 And we're going to get back to the stories. But here's a three minute ad break from our sponsors. My parents want to give me 40K as a gift, but I don't want it.

36:12 I'll take it.

36:13 My wife and I got married a couple of weeks ago. We're mid to late 30s. No kids.

36:18 Own our home.

36:20 Both earn well and have plenty saved. Money is not an issue for us. Well, why don't you just brag about it?

36:28 I think they just did.

36:29 I have a genuinely good relationship with my parents. I talk to them for about an hour every single week. The one rough patch was leading up to the wedding. My dad threatened not to attend if I wouldn't invite my estranged brother. I told him I'd love to have him there, but I wasn't inviting my brother.

36:45 Full stop. He eventually backed down and came. And at the wedding, my parents were nothing but pleasant.

36:52 Okay. Where does the term full stop come from? Is that just about... Didn't they do that on the Titanic? Why do people say that? Full stop. Maybe they were trying to say, fool, stop. But it got misconstrued, and the guy was nervous about it. He's like, I don't want to correct anybody.

37:10 I'm spacing out on this entire conversation.

37:12 Yeah, I'm just saying, I'm spacing out on this story because it was like, he wants me to bring my straight brother, and then they showed up anyway. Story over.

37:19 Yeah, I wonder where this is going to go.

37:22 Then they handed us a check for about $ 40, 000.

37:25 As a wedding gift.

37:28 Let me guess. That's going to bounce, huh?

37:30 Why don't you just brag about it?

37:33 Some context, my parents are well off.

37:35 No, really.

37:36 My dad is a doctor who owns his practice.

37:39 Uh-huh.

37:40 So this isn't a life-changing amount for them, and it isn't for us either. I would like to move on to a different story.

37:48 My father owns his own doctor's practice. So $ 40, 000 is not really a life-changing amount of money for them, nor would it be a life-changing amount for us.

38:05 However.

38:06 But I haven't taken money from my parents since I was 21. Every year, they'd send birthday checks and I'd just never cash them. My mom eventually caught on and started sending gift cards from brands she knew I liked, because those are already spent and I couldn't quite quietly decline them. So this dynamic isn't new. It's been going on for 15 plus years. By the way, this comes from Discount Low, 7147. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash OK Storytime subreddit.

38:34 I'm Savannah.

38:35 I'm Dakota.

38:36 I'm Keon.

38:37 And we are here to talk about some stuff, give some advice, but we don't know everything.

38:42 We're only going to tell you what we know. Let us know what you know down in the comments, because I'm going to read each and every one of them before I go to sleep tonight. Thank you. That's what he says.

38:52 The reason I don't take their money is simple. I don't want to feel obligated. Right now, when they ask me for something, visit more often, go on a trip with them and my brother or whatever, I can say yes or no purely based on what I actually want. There's no transactional element. Taking 40k changes that. Even if they'd never say it out loud, I'd feel it. I like our relationship being between equals, not one where I'm accepting resources and then feeling like I owe compliance. I feel like that might just be in your head. Have you talked to them about it?

39:25 Like, do they act like that?

39:27 Like, do they act like your relationship is very transactional? Because I haven't, we haven't been given any.

39:34 Give me the $ 40, 000.

39:36 I would greatly benefit from that. Truly benefit.

39:40 Call OP the cranberries how he's in his head.

39:43 Yeah, you're overthinking a gift for your own wedding.

39:45 I don't know.

39:47 Hey, but it's a check. Maybe it'll bounce. Who knows? That's my theory. I don't know.

39:52 My wife is completely fine with declining the money. Her only concern is that we keep a good relationship with my parents and that they don't blame her.

40:00 But they know this is 100% between me and them. This is my thing, not hers.

40:06 I'm confused. What strings are attached to this $ 40, 000? Did I miss something? No. There's like, it's a gift for the wedding. It's a happy, hey, congratulations. Here's a little quarter I found in the couch cushions to help the newlyweds, huh?

40:24 Wait, Maybear might have a point. Like, hey, I gave you that money. You have to invite your brother. I gave you that money.

40:30 The wedding already happened.

40:31 You have to come on vacation. I gave you the money. You have to do what I say.

40:34 Then you just go, no, I don't. And what happens?

40:39 I could just be like, here's the money back.

40:41 I don't know.

40:42 You know, put it in your savings account. And then if they ever go, well, well, you have to because of the $ 40, 000. Then you can take the $ 40, 000 and give it back because it's in savings.

40:54 My mom has been texting asking when we are going to cash the check. And I can tell she's getting a bit annoyed. Probably partially because she doesn't like the money sitting there in a checking account while it could be bearing interest. And also because what the F, why won't my.

41:10 Wiener head son take our generous wedding gift? For what it's worth, we thanked.

41:15 Them profusely and also told them we didn't plan to cash the check. So it's not like I've left my mom wondering what's going on. Am I the a-hole for not wanting to take the money? I mean, no, you don't have to take the money, but it seems like they want you to take it. But I don't know if that's out of cause. But you never said, like, I don't know if you've, like, have you ever taken money from them? And then it's been, like, a whole mess.

41:45 Because if that is it, then I understand why you wouldn't want to take the money. But if you're just not taking it because you're afraid of that, but it's never happened, then it's like, I don't know. Maybe they're taking it because Carrie Owen says, why are they so insistent that Opie take their money? I'm thinking because it was a gift. And why don't they ever, like, it's weird that he never accepts their gifts. You know, they always send a check. They always send this and that and the other thing. And it's like, but, and he just doesn't like cash. The checks doesn't do anything.

42:15 I don't know. I can't imagine, you know, I mean, if it really is this nefarious thing, like, okay. But if it's not, it's like, yeah, you're being like, I don't know. I don't know why you would be that way when you could just cash the money and put it in savings and never touch it. And then whatever. And if they do try to control you with it, you just give it right back. And you say, that's why I don't like taking money from you.

42:41 Boom.

42:42 End of story.

42:43 And that's the end of this story. We're going to go to the next one.

42:47 My wife joked that I never cook. So I stopped feeding her.

42:51 You can starve for all I care.

42:54 I work at a nice restaurant as a cook. And every day when I get off from work, I always cook dinner for my wife and our two kids. We're eight and six. at the restaurant before coming home. The only time I don't cook for them are on weekends when I'm off, and that's when my wife does the cooking. We usually trade off who makes breakfast and lunch for the kids every other day, but for the week, I'm always the one bringing home dinner. Weekends, we sometimes get together with friends, and they come over to the house.

43:24 My wife usually cooks, and I help set the table and clean afterwards. One of her friends, Stessa... Asked how come I never do any of the cooking. And is it always on my wife all the time making meals for the kids, especially when I'm a cook myself? Instead of correcting her, she sort of laughed and went along with it, making jokes about, you know how it is, Stacy.

43:49 Shoot.

43:50 She doesn't, though. That's why she asked. Right?

43:54 Who is this girl to stick her nose in anyone's business?

43:57 Stacy laughed because her ex-husband was the same way. And then sort of ripped on me in a joking way how I better buck up before I become an ex too. My wife just said, well, let's see if he actually listens and starts cooking for once. Joking about all the time I spend in the kitchen at work but won't do the same at home.

44:20 That really peeved me off.

44:23 I'm not the husband that just doesn't do anything after I'm home from work. By the way, this comes from Throwaway Dinner Strike. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit. I'm Dakota.

44:37 I'm Savannah.

44:38 I'm Riley.

44:39 And we are here to.

44:41 Read stories and give our good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. We only know what we know, so let us know what you know in the comments. Okay.

44:51 All right.

44:53 And Opie says, I cook food for her and the kids at work, and on top of that I make separate dishes for each of them, which is what she wants and what the kids want. All that after standing on my feet all day. We talked about it once they left because I don't appreciate being told I'm not doing something she knows for a fact I do. She didn't want to apologize for it because it was all just supposed to be a funny joke. Even after telling her about how it hurt my feelings being put down like that. My wife said she felt like she has to go along with the joke, so there wouldn't be any awkward vibes, whatever that means.

45:29 No, there are awkward vibes. You went along with a joke that's a blatant lie. It made fun of me.

45:34 And putting down your husband, for what? To make your friend who's divorced feel better?

45:41 I was like, yeah, I didn't want to remind my friend that she divorced her husband.

45:46 Yeah, well, I don't care.

45:48 She remembers, actually. She still remembers that.

45:51 I'm sure that's all she remembers.

45:53 Would have been so easy to be like, oh my god, he cooks dinner every night.

45:55 What? Yeah.

45:57 No, your husband sucked, not mine. Sorry, I'm just joking, right? But I said, fine. If she can't apologize for something that was mean just so she could laugh along with her friends, then I won't keep doing something she claims I don't do. For the past week, I've only brought home dinner for our kids and she's had to make her own food. She's mad that I'm refusing to feed her over what happened instead of letting it go. But I can't help but feel mad about being made fun of like that when I'm busting my butt to provide for my family and still making sure they have food on the table every evening. She just thinks I'm an a-hole for how I'm reacting when she's already tired at the end of the day, but still having to make

46:44 her food for herself. So am I the a-hole? And there's an update. Let me ask you this. Are you 12? Is this your wife? Shouldn't you just be like, yeah, whatever. Don't do that again. I will continue to feed you, my wife.

46:58 My wife. I don't know. I'd be a little peeved. I'd be like, okay, then I'm not cooking for you.

47:05 I wouldn't bring home food for a while. Like a couple days.

47:09 Yeah, until she apologizes. Like, you know what? Learned my lesson. Probably shouldn't have said that. I apologize. I will defend you next time.

47:18 Yeah, I beg.

47:19 It's a little awkward, isn't it?

47:21 I would just keep cooking for her, but every time I brought her the food, I'd go, surprise! I decided to cook for you.

47:29 Isn't that crazy?

47:31 What a change.

47:33 Huh?

47:34 Yeah, the other thing is she's not apologizing for it. She's trying to make excuses of why. Like, well, it would just be easier if we just went along with what she said.

47:42 No, now guess what? It's caused a rift in our marriage. For what reason?

47:46 I don't know. I'd just be like, let's get into that a little bit.

47:49 If she did say she was sorry, great. But she's standing on, she's like on that hill, man.

47:54 She's like, no, no, it would have been, it's so much easier this way to just say that you're a bad husband.

48:01 Okay.

48:01 All right, cool.

48:03 That's awesome.

48:05 At first, I wasn't going to.

48:06 Post another update, but since things have gotten better, why not? I didn't show my wife this post like some suggested until a few days later. But before that, she wanted to talk before bed, and she apologized for how she's been behaving with me. When she made those jokes and let her friends say things about me, and then how she was acting afterwards. And in reality, she knew she did wrong, but when I called her out, it made her defensive, and she realizes how she was acting like a child after knowing how much I do for our family.

48:38 That's when I showed her the post, and opened up about something that was mentioned by me in the comments, How it really hit a nerve for me, making it seem like I'm a lousy father or husband when my dad was exactly that. He abandoned me and my mom. She knows how important it is for me to be as involved as possible when our kids were born because I never wanted to be like him. So her making it seem like that's how I am brought up some feelings. Um, yeah.

49:08 Yeah, I would have talked about that like right away.

49:12 I would have been like, hey, that really hurt because my dad was like that.

49:18 And I'm not.

49:20 Yeah basically she just opened up a wound that was never healed and that hit you more than you thought it would and that's like I don't know it's really annoying that she even had to like agree with her in the first place just to like keep the peace but then now the peace is not kept between us So, I don't know, think before you do things.

49:44 Yeah, I guess. Yeah. You know, but I would have liked to see more about why she felt the need to not correct her friend. Maybe she was just worried that it would make her cry. If she found out that your husband was a good dad and a good partner who cooked and helped around, she would weep tears.

50:07 And it would ruin the party.

50:09 It'd make things awkward.

50:10 It would have really made the vibe weird, wouldn't it? OP continues. Telling her this really made her feel like she effed up big time. She wouldn't stop apologizing. She promised she'd never put me down that way. And honestly, I think she's shown that she meant it. For a week, she wanted to be the one making dinner for everyone so I'd have some time to relax after work. It was nice, but also I missed making meals for my family.

50:35 Cooking for my kids is my own way of expressing my love for them, so we're back to that as well. I feel like my wife has more than shown how sorry she is, and appreciates what I also do for this family. Last time we had lunch with her friend a few days ago, on my day off, she even brought it up. As mad as I was when it happened, it's nice to see she's made an effort to make amends.

50:56 The support I got from here was very sweet. Appreciate feeling heard when it felt like my wife wasn't hearing me at the time.

51:03 And that's the end of that story.

51:05 Well, good.

51:05 I'm glad that it got better. And hopefully she doesn't do it again because it obviously struck a big chord in you.

51:12 She learned a lesson. It explains why you reacted that way and stopped cooking because of the, you know, your dad not, you know.

51:21 And now she's allowed to have all the sweet treats she wants.

51:24 Well, she should have known that. But I still stand on like, dude, it's like, the last thing you should do is to do what she said you do do. It's the churlish thing.

51:36 It's like, oh, is that what you want me to do? I can do that. You don't want me to?

51:40 Okay, yeah.

51:40 You're being churlish.

51:41 I don't know.

51:42 I mean, it is a little childish, but it's childish that she just, like, kind of went along with it and put down her husband for no reason at all.

51:48 Why?

51:48 Just be like, no, no.

51:49 Well, you know, I gotta say, let me beam myself into the situation. I go, what are you talking about? I cook you dinner every night. Problem solved. Were you just, like, standing off to the side, like.

52:05 Well, he was probably taking care of the kids.

52:10 Yeah, like, come on. You could have just chimed in. You know?

52:16 And that's the end of this story. We're going to go to the next one.

52:20 My daughters got free tuition.

52:22 My husband demanded I end it. It's not fair. I had to walk uphill both ways.

52:28 My ex and I, 44 female, divorced when our daughters, Stacy, 17 female, and Emily, 14 female.

52:35 We're young.

52:35 Okay.

53:04 Give it up for the nice little family. That's so sweet. They also indulged the girls every whim.

53:12 Stacy loved horses when she was little, so Uncle John paid for her lessons and riding fees. Emily thought she wanted to play the piano, so Uncle Jeff paid for her lessons and bought her a piano. When the girls grew out of those phases and got interested in something else, their uncles were there ready to indulge them. I tried talking to the uncles about not spoiling my girls, but they said that their nieces needed to explore their own interests, and those explorations will help their brain developments. I disagree, but was not in a financial situation to push too hard because they were paying so much for the girls, so I was basically responsible for only the rent. By the way, this comes from Northstar8378, and if you want

53:54 to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit.

53:58 I'm Savannah.

53:59 I'm Dakota.

54:00 I'm Keon.

54:01 And to give you some advice and talk about some stories, but we don't know everything. We're only going to tell you what we know, but let us know what you know in the comments. As OP says, I later remarried a wonderful man who brought two kids into the family. We had one more kid together and things are good for the most part. So that's five kids right now.

54:24 Woo, that's a lot.

54:26 However, kids are smart. So my daughter's step and half siblings started to notice their sisters having more experiences and things than they do. My husband didn't like the situation and we had some arguments about it over the years. Things came to a boiling point recently when we were discussing how to pay for our two oldest kids' colleges, Stacy and her stepbrother Rick, 18 male. Both are good students and while they haven't gotten their acceptance letters, I have no doubt they'll get into good schools. My husband and I make enough money to live a middle-class lifestyle with five kids, but not enough to put them through college.

55:03 The reality is that they'll have to take out school loans.

55:07 We talked to both of them about loans, and this is when I found out Stacy had already talked to her uncles, and they're paying for her tuition and cost of living wherever she wants to go. This floored us.

55:18 And made my husband extremely mad. He got red and started to scream how it's not fair Stacey and Emily will get to go to expensive colleges and graduate with no loans while our other kids will have to go to state schools and take out loans. He wanted me to call John and Jeff to tell them to stop spoiling the girls. On one hand, I agree 100% with my husband that it's not fair to my other kids, but on the other hand, I can't hold my daughters back from something so wonderful. In the end, I told my husband I'm not going to tell my ex-brother-in-law's To stop spoiling our daughters. Was I wrong to tell him that?

55:53 And there is an upgrade. Or update.

55:56 Yeah, upgrade.

55:57 There's an upgrade.

55:59 I don't know, man. That's like, yeah, it's blatant favoritism. But makes sense. Why are you upset that your daughters are getting a free ride to college?

56:11 Because they're not mine.

56:13 They are not of my seed. Yeah, I don't.

56:18 This is more so just like a projection of jealousy because he wants his kids to succeed as well as the other kids. But the thing is, it doesn't matter what.

56:27 School you go to.

56:29 It's how you actually are and how like you, you know, choose to spend your time in school.

56:36 That's a golden opportunity. And I get like, yeah, that's those are their uncles. Those are the uncles that came place as a father figure for them. I don't know.

56:48 And also, why would you, like, that's, not only would that put, like, the kids in debt, like, if, you know, the brother-in-laws didn't pay for it, but it would also, I'm sure, put, you know, some stress on the, you know, parents as well. Because now they have to pay for that.

57:04 Yeah, I just, I don't know. I don't think that it needs to be this big of a deal.

57:10 Obviously, you know, I would even ask the kids if they even want to go to prestigious, like, you know, big time schools.

57:17 Like, this is just all in their heads. Like, oh, I, you know, I know one day they're going to go and, you know, half of them have free tuition. The other half doesn't. But yeah, it is. It's truthfully, it's just jealousy.

57:30 I don't think it really matters. Yeah, everyone in the comments being like, well, now they can just focus on paying for the other three kids.

57:37 Yeah. Like, I don't know.

57:39 Is that bad?

57:40 Yeah, this is, like, I would be like, I'd talk to the uncles and be like, if I were the husband, I'd be like, you guys don't have to do that, but that's very generous of you, and I'd be grateful.

57:54 The update is things have gone downhill, and I'm now crushed. Oh, God.

57:58 Somebody call the ambulance.

58:01 I was at work, and without my knowledge, my husband called John and and yelled at him to mind his own business, told him we don't want their money, and to stay out of our lives. My husband then went and yelled at the girls as they packed their bags, and as they were leaving for their uncle's. When I got home, my husband wanted to call the police to report them as runaways, but I talked him out of it.

58:23 What is going on?

58:23 He just wants control, and that's crazy.

58:26 I think there might be something going on with his brain.

58:29 He really thinks that the uncles are showing him up, or like.

58:35 dude he's taking it as an attack and it actually has nothing to do with him it's just we have money and we want to provide for our nieces sorry call me insane but you know their dad passed away and i feel like it's i'm obligated to do stuff for them i like it's really not that big of a deal yeah.

58:58 I'd be uh i'd be i'd be shuffling him out the door i'd say hey Kyle Polk, don't let the door hit you on the way out of the saloon.

59:08 I went over to John's house and his wife led me to the kitchen where we stood in silence watching John holding my girls while they cried. For a moment, I pictured their father holding them. Stacey and Emily refused to talk to me when they walked past me on their way upstairs to their room. John and I had a long conversation about the whole situation. He basically told me he's doing what his brother couldn't, and both me and my husband can go to heck if we don't like it. He said the girl should stay with him and his family until things calm down, and I agreed.

59:41 So this is where we are for now. Also, to answer some common questions, my husband makes less money than I do, so he's been unable to save up college tuition.

59:50 I don't know. If you're not ready to immediately, like, end things with your husband for this, you're actually trash.

59:59 You make more money than him. You want what's best for your daughter, the daughters.

1:00:03 Well, they also have one kid together. She has two kids, he has two kids, and then they have one kid together.

1:00:09 Pathetic.

1:00:09 So I don't know if that's, yeah, no, it truly is pathetic to.

1:00:13 Be like, ugh, like, I have to hate these people because they have more than me and I was never given that opportunity. It's like, why don't you just, I don't know, kind of be happy for them. Be like, yeah, I can work my way up and you know, do all these things, but nope, you're going to just take it as an insult towards you. Didn't you, like, I don't know, like, do vows and stuff?

1:00:34 I don't know. It just doesn't seem like this guy really is in it for the right things.

1:00:39 He's like, I promise to be an all right guy, I guess.

1:00:42 His ex is still in the picture. Oh, and has visitation rights.

1:00:45 Okay.

1:00:46 She makes less money than him, so they have nothing saved up, much less tuition.

1:00:53 Oh, and that's it. That's all.

1:00:56 So, yeah, he's just mad that he doesn't have as much money as you, which technically, like, if it wasn't for the, you know, the brother-in-laws, then you guys would also be in shambles, not being able to afford anything and you know.

1:01:15 I don't know.

1:01:15 Why are you so mad? What are you mad about? Like, truly, what are you mad about? Because I know it's not the kids.

1:01:20 This reminds me that that was not my child. I'm reminded of the existence of other men.

1:01:29 It's just really, it's so childish. What? Are you an adult?

1:01:33 If your ex-husband came back as a ghost, would you leave me for him? If your ex, if your husband came back in Patrick Swayze, would you leave me for him?

1:01:42 People are asking if there's an update. I'm going to check.

1:01:44 Yeah, the story can end like that.

1:01:47 I'm sure it can, because I'm sure everyone went, yo, idiot, you're failing your kids, and they went, oh, no, and then they never posted again.

1:01:56 No update. No update, none of that, unfortunately.

1:01:59 I'm with Christine on this. He's bitter and didn't get the free ride he was expecting.

1:02:02 He was expecting? Why would he expect a free ride?

1:02:05 I don't know.

1:02:06 She probably has said, oh, I don't have a lot of money, but my brother-in-laws or my ex-brother-in-laws pay for it. a lot of this stuff, blah, blah. And now he's like, oh, so I'm going to get some of that cut. And it's like, no, actually, it's just the girls.

1:02:22 Are you going to get cut?

1:02:23 Are you about to get cut?

1:02:25 Yeah, that's crazy.

1:02:26 And that's the end of this story. We're going to go to the next one.

1:02:30 My wife travels without us. I'm home alone with the baby again.

1:02:33 Ooh, man. Somebody got a babysitter.

1:02:37 So here goes. My 39 male wife, 34 female, is a very active person. with time-consuming hobbies and likes to spend time on those hobbies with her friends. This means sometimes she's gone for most of a weekend or a whole day every now and then. She also likes to help her friends, one in particular, with all of their problems any time of day or sometimes night. She also works pretty late, so I usually pick her daughter, one female, up.

1:03:05 It's worth mentioning that I have two kids from a previous marriage, 12 female and 10 male. A lot of kids to look after.

1:03:12 Mm-hmm.

1:03:13 Before we had our daughter and when we were discussing the possibility, I mentioned that it wouldn't work with her busy schedule and she would have to make huge changes if we were going to have a child together. She assured me she was on board with that and it wouldn't be a problem. Seems like it's maybe a problem.

1:03:30 Yeah, just a little bit of a problem.

1:03:32 I'm getting the hint.

1:03:34 The tiniest smidge that something's going to be up.

1:03:39 That year, she went on three trips abroad without me.

1:03:43 Those are names. Oh, folks. Come on.

1:03:48 But I again mentioned this would not be possible once we have a child. Fast forward to us having a six-month-old now. Now she wants to go on a hobby-related trip with her friends for five days. And wouldn't it be terrible if she was left out? So long story short, I was guilted into letting her go. She, of course, doesn't miss any of those weekends either. And unfortunately, they usually happen when I have my other kids. I have them every other week. I feel it's really difficult to take good care of them when I'm alone with them and their baby sister, as she requires almost all of my time and attention. By the way, this comes from Dazed and Out of Control. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash showcase

1:04:28 story time subreddit.

1:04:29 I'm Sophia.

1:04:30 I'm Mike.

1:04:31 I'm Keon.

1:04:32 And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. So if you've got answers, put them down below. I think Katie Paladin is right. I think she might have lied to you about how committed she was towards raising this child.

1:04:49 How about y'all do like a family vacation?

1:04:51 Yeah, what if we all left together?

1:04:53 When's your, you know, what hobbies do you like, Opie?

1:04:56 Has Opie gotten any vacations?

1:04:58 His vacations are taking care of the kids.

1:05:00 Right, right, of course.

1:05:01 A joy.

1:05:02 Oh, another thing. She has never taken a summer vacation with me because she's always too busy. This is okay, but not ideal, as I am really bad at finding fun things to do with the kids on vacation. However, now she actually wants to go abroad for another hobby-related thing during my summer vacation with the kids.

1:05:21 What are these hobbies?

1:05:21 I need to know what these hobbies are.

1:05:24 They're not telling you what these hobbies are.

1:05:26 What are the hobbies?

1:05:28 We're living in Vagueville right now.

1:05:30 The hobbies are just girl strips. Girl strips.

1:05:34 I like my hobby is drinking.

1:05:36 Yeah.

1:05:37 Not only do I find this unfair to me, but to the kids as well. And she is pressuring me with guilt about how important this is to her And that her mother can take care of our daughter. I don't want to leave her with her grandmother for a week. I'm writing this on Easter Sunday alone with our daughter because she's on a road trip with her friend all day.

1:05:54 She went on a road trip on Easter Sunday.

1:05:57 I've done. I have done crazy stuff like that. I went to Vegas on Christmas Day.

1:06:03 That's crazy.

1:06:04 Yeah.

1:06:05 I was like, was it fun?

1:06:06 Oh, it was so fun. It was so fun. Well, fun as in I went in with 300 and I left negative 900.

1:06:15 Well, and that's Vegas. And that is Vegas.

1:06:19 Don't gamble, kids. Unless you're gambling with us. Unless you're gambling with us, then it's okay.

1:06:26 She notified me of this, didn't ask me or discuss it, just let me know. This same friend wanted her to take a drive with her at 3 a.m. a few weeks ago. They apparently had to take someone to the airport.

1:06:38 Who is this friend? At 3 a.m.? Who is this friend? I need pics. Because this is no longer, this is a dude.

1:06:46 There needs to be name dropping going on right now.

1:06:49 That's an ICU. You think it's a man?

1:06:52 Yeah. I think it's a man.

1:06:54 I said, forget it. You have a baby. Her friend is not, and I'm sick of this. She relented, but calls me controlling for interfering. She was complaining about being sleepy all day the next day. I wonder how tired she would have been. So I guess what I'm looking for is, am I really being controlling or am I right?

1:07:13 And this is just not acceptable behavior for a family. I sometimes feel like we're just roommates who sleep together and have a child together rather than an actual family.

1:07:23 Yeah, how roommates do. How normal roommates are like.

1:07:25 Yeah, normal roommates with a child and who sleep together. We do have an update, but what do you think Opie should do?

1:07:35 I mean, they're not spending time together. She just doesn't want to spend time together. Yeah, this is just like single people LARPing in a relationship. Yes, exactly.

1:07:47 She's like, I just wanted the label, but I don't actually want to do any of the things.

1:07:53 If this story does not end up in we broke up, I don't know what else. This will be shocking if they're still together.

1:08:01 I agree. I don't have a lot of hope for them. But update. Since this has come up so many times, her hobbies are mostly dogs and horseback riding. She breeds dogs and, to a much smaller extent, horses. Oh, she's a breeder.

1:08:15 Oh, she's breeding, that's for sure.

1:08:18 These hobbies do not generate income except barely to cover the cost of doing them, and therefore I call them hobbies. And more importantly, she agrees with this assessment. Which brings me to the next point. She found this post and understandably got a bit upset about all the negativity here, And felt that I had painted an unfair look at the picture. She is probably right because I was writing the original post while my youngest daughter was still awake and I was feeling upset myself. Let me try to rectify that. We've got a little bit left to the story.

1:08:52 Do you think she can rectify that?

1:08:55 Oh, wait.

1:08:55 Well, I guess he's trying to rectify. I wonder what he's saying he left out.

1:08:59 Yeah.

1:09:00 Well, it's the... Okay, it's the... Not only is it the, like, we're not spending time with each other.

1:09:10 Yeah, that's the huge issue, I think.

1:09:11 Yeah, you know? But also, too, it's like... Why can't, you guys should have some hobbies together.

1:09:19 Yeah, there should be some sort of mutual thing you like to do and spend time together.

1:09:23 Yeah, right.

1:09:25 Why did you get together?

1:09:26 Yeah, if these guys aren't doing that, then I'm just like, why are we still, why are we even together in the first place? Yeah, do you have.

1:09:32 Anything in common?

1:09:33 Yeah.

1:09:34 OP continues, she does take care of our daughter a lot. On weekdays, I go to work in the morning, but she usually doesn't go until after 12. So she takes care of the mornings. She's also taken the brunt of the nights when problems occur because I simply couldn't function at work if I did. And she has done a remarkable job at this. She also very often puts her to bed in the evening. So saying nasty things about her neglecting her daughter is not true. Also, I do not want to force her to quit her hobbies. That is not the issue and never has been. I guess what I want is consensus about things like suddenly going out for all of Easter Sunday to take pictures of dogs in nature. not just being informed about it with

1:10:15 little advance notice. Discussing things, making plans together, that is what a family should do. And that's the end of the story.

1:10:24 Wow, that's it?

1:10:25 That's it. We don't even know if there's any sort of conclusion.

1:10:28 What do we think is going to happen? They're breaking up, right? You think that they're making it work?

1:10:32 Well, okay, they have three kids. Well, technically one kid, but they kind of have three kids together.

1:10:39 Yeah, kind of, sort of.

1:10:40 Kind of, sort of. But I think unless she makes an active effort to spend time with him, I don't know how they would make that work.

1:10:49 No, it's insane. There's not enough horseback riding.

1:10:51 In the world that would save this relationship.

1:10:54 Yeah, that would save this relationship. That would keep us together.

1:10:56 And that's the end of this story. We're going to go to the next one.

1:10:59 Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite goofball host here.

1:11:03 And we're going to get back to the stories.

1:11:05 But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

1:11:08 My fiance lied about who she was meeting, so I walked in.

1:11:13 Who are you meeting?

1:11:14 My partner, 41 female, and I, 44 male, have been together eight years and have lived together the whole time. We can call her Betty. We parent her three kids from a previous marriage. We had our own kid together in 2020, and we moved across the country and we bought a house. Our lives are fully intertwined. We co-parent her kids with her ex-husband, and we just got engaged this summer. Congratulations. I'll be up front. I have not been perfect. When we met, I was coming off the passing of my fiancé, so I had grief I was working through. Going from zero to four kids was a hard adjustment. It was hard for me to read that word.

1:11:59 And I'm a better stepdad now, but there were some rough starts.

1:12:02 Okay?

1:12:04 There was also a period where I turned to other outlets instead of her for intimacy, and I'd consider that cheating on my part, and I regret it. I've owned all my mistakes, begged for forgiveness, and dealt with them. She has also been on the edge of leaving me several times due to my emotional withdrawals.

1:12:21 Dang, you made her edge several times?

1:12:23 I was just going to say that. He's probably the one that was edging, dude.

1:12:28 You should probably figure that out, bud.

1:12:30 But it was never a one-sided issue, Sophia. Oh, okay.

1:12:33 It's both of them.

1:12:34 It is both.

1:12:35 You both should figure that out.

1:12:37 Work on your marriage, buddy. Work on your marriage. About two years ago, I made a conscious decision to pour everything into our family and our relationship. Face any and all issues head on. Stop letting resentment build and just be fully present. It's genuinely helped and we've been closer than ever. Good for you. And folks.

1:12:58 We can be closer if you submit your own stories to the r slash OK Storytime subreddit. My name is Mike.

1:13:06 I'm Sophia.

1:13:07 I'm Keon.

1:13:08 And this comes from Here I Go Rippling Again.

1:13:11 There we go.

1:13:12 Hey, buddy, change your name next time. How about that? And we're here to give good advice, but we don't know all the answers. We're just here to give them goofily. That's what we do. And if you guys got advice of your own, send it in the comments below. But anyways, as Opie says, now the issue. She has a male friend, a former coworker. Let's call him Fred, 45 male. Fred moved to a state away, but comes back to town about four times a year. And they text constantly. His ex-wife Wilma, sick name, dude, 40 female, is one of Betty's best friends. Are you in a 1920s town right now?

1:13:52 Wilma and Betty and Fred.

1:13:54 Is there like Prospector Joe up on the, yeah, Fred Flintstone. Is that Prospector Joe like waiting for you guys at the old watering hole too? What are you guys talking about?

1:14:02 Where's Bam Bam when you need him?

1:14:04 Bam Bam. What is Fred's wife's name? What's her friend's name?

1:14:10 Betty, yeah.

1:14:11 Oh, okay. So this is just.

1:14:12 Yeah.

1:14:13 Did I just shock you with that?

1:14:14 No, I just wasn't sure. I'm like, is this just a Flintstones reference?

1:14:18 If this is literally just a flimsy reference.

1:14:19 Barney? Is it Barney? Oh, my God.

1:14:22 I hope it isn't.

1:14:23 He's just the blonde one in my mind.

1:14:25 So Fred being around isn't inherently weird because he maintains a friendship with Wilma and he's like a lost dog to her. Fred, Wilma, and Betty all get coffee or food when he's in town, sometimes in a group, sometimes not. Fred also sends Betty gifts on her birthday.

1:14:43 Okay.

1:14:44 And he has sent her half a dozen mixtape CDs over the years because he loves music.

1:14:49 That's wild. Okay. What a gift.

1:14:51 Well, I'm sure this is maybe older. I'm sure this was at a time where people were giving mixtape CDs a lot.

1:14:56 Also, who is this guy? Like the corniest man alive?

1:15:00 Yeah.

1:15:01 He's like, oh, baby, you need to listen to all these mixtapes I made.

1:15:05 But, bro, okay. No, because I'm going to go in, dude. The stuff that this dude, this is cornball stuff, dude. This is cornball activities, bro.

1:15:15 And that's just who he is.

1:15:16 Yeah, bro.

1:15:17 That's just who he is.

1:15:18 That was a thing, though, back in the 90s. Yeah, making little mixtapes. Making a little mixtape or burning a CD. This is our love soundtrack.

1:15:25 Bro, this story isn't from 1992, though.

1:15:28 You know what I'm saying? It's just the Boyz II Men album.

1:15:31 He's going off. He's popping off.

1:15:33 Hashtag pop off. Okay. About a year ago, around six months into me really prioritizing us, I noticed how much time she spends texting and how often she swipes away or puts her phone down when I can see the screen.

1:15:48 All right.

1:15:48 Definitely.

1:15:48 She's cheating.

1:15:50 Definitely no red flags there.

1:15:51 No, of course not.

1:15:52 So one night I looked through her texts. She has hundreds, if not thousands of messages with Fred. Nothing in them explicitly crosses the line. But it's glaringly obvious Fred is completely infatuated with her. He's doing everything short of saying, I love you, checking in on her constantly, asking about her dreams, asking about our kids, sending his favorite songs, and always trying to meet up. I confronted her about it.

1:16:21 I pointed out that they clearly have a great friendship, but that the amount of attention she is giving him while completely overlooking his obvious infatuation qualifies as an emotional affair. A huge argument unfolded. She agreed to tone it down. And she then deleted all texting and social media history with Fred and with Wilma, oddly. Except she didn't stop texting.

1:16:44 So being trusting of my partner, I let it slide until I couldn't anymore. I confronted her again two months later. Another huge argument. And she agreed more seriously this time. The texting continued, just slightly less. Then a couple of months after that, she told me she was going to meet Fred and Wilma for coffee. This is something she said at least a dozen times over the years. Fred's in town. Wilma's her best friend. They all get together. Fine.

1:17:15 But I happened to be driving past a coffee shop near our house that morning and I saw her car. So I walked in. It was just Fred sitting there with Betty. No Wilma. I confronted her immediately after we left the coffee shop. She got angry with me. In all these confrontations, I am always the bad guy in her mind. We are now almost a year into this Fred situation. She is still texting him. If it was just him reaching out, I could probably let it go.

1:17:44 But she still initiates contact on occasion. She sends him a funny meme or shares a story. Hopefully it's okay.

1:17:51 Yeah, unless it's us, it's cheating.

1:17:54 Yeah, unless it's us, it is cheating. It's all very innocuous in her mind, but it's clear he exists in some space in her brain. Over the year, I've also found selectively deleted texts from both Fred and Wilma in the recently deleted folder on Betty's iPhone on more than one occasion. I never saw the contents of those texts, but in a separate argument about trust last week, she brought up that I am jealous and possessive about the Fred thing. She also told me I'm playing the victim and that I'm just waiting for her to admit something that has never happened. I let it go because I'm tired of arguing about it. But emotions ran high and I brought up my Fred concerns again and a few days later because, again, there was more texting. Girl, what

1:18:39 are you?

1:18:40 Stop.

1:18:41 Stop. Literally stop.

1:18:43 Stop being so messy.

1:18:45 This would be the fourth or fifth discussion that ends in a yelling match. And I want to be very clear. The yelling and escalation is always on her part. Her only concession this time was that she vowed to never get coffee with him alone because in her words, sarcastically, she made a big mistake by doing that.

1:19:09 Okay. Why are we still here?

1:19:13 I'm out.

1:19:15 Yeah.

1:19:15 I'm out.

1:19:16 I'm gone.

1:19:17 Yeah. I'm pissed.

1:19:19 I'm yabba dabba ditching you.

1:19:21 I'm yabba dabba ditching you. We're yabba dabba breaking up.

1:19:27 We're going to yabba dabba find somebody else.

1:19:30 Yes.

1:19:31 Yes.

1:19:32 I don't like this girl.

1:19:33 I also learned she had met with Fred alone on other occasions. Again, under the disguise of Fred and Wilma outings. I think she has completely ruined the whole Fred thing. And in doing so, completely lost my trust in our relationship. I have asked her to stop or scale back at least four times. She lied about who she was meeting.

1:19:58 She's still initiating contact. And now she's framing me as the problem for being uncomfortable with it. This all speaks to a bigger pattern in our relationship. I have boundaries I'm willing to hold in my life and relationships, and hers are often much different, non-existent, or so riddled with social anxiety that she is unwilling to hold them. That gap is what makes the Fred thing so exhausting. I'm not asking for anything unreasonable. I'm asking her to respect a boundary, and she just won't do it. And when I confront her, excuses are always the same. He's awkward and weird. He's like this with all his former female coworkers.

1:20:37 That's it. It's never, he's a really good friend, and it would hurt to lose his friendship.

1:20:42 Yeah, she's like, oh, why are you hanging out with him? And then she's like, oh, well, he's awkward.

1:20:47 Babe, babe, babe, babe, it's okay. He always makes out with all the girls. He's a little freak. Yeah. He always kisses his female friends.

1:20:54 He kisses his homies. What's wrong with that? You're overreacting.

1:20:59 Babe, it was one glass of wine that we shared together. Get over it.

1:21:02 That's it. She's like, oh, I feel so bad.

1:21:05 It's crazy. It's always a bizarre deflection. Fred's only saving grace here is that he's not attractive at all.

1:21:13 Oh, he's like, okay, well, they couldn't possibly be cheating on me because he's ugly.

1:21:19 Betty is extremely attractive. I am attractive. Okay, brag.

1:21:23 Okay, brag.

1:21:24 And we are a good match. Betty even uses this in her arguments, almost as if it's an insult that I might be suggesting. That's some like mastermind.

1:21:33 She's like, he's ugly.

1:21:34 That's some gaslighting right there.

1:21:36 He's ugly.

1:21:37 Why would I be with him? He's ugly.

1:21:39 Bro. So she's using it as an insult that I might be suggesting she is even interested in him. He's unattractive. I would never. And so on. She said that if I was texting a coworker constantly, she would only care if the woman were attractive. Which to me is a baseless argument that sidesteps the issue. That is, man, so far for the update, I mean, this is like getting pretty, this is the messiest relationship I've ever seen.

1:22:13 I mean, she just keeps.

1:22:15 Talking to another guy. And then he's like, hey, that makes me uncomfortable.

1:22:18 Stop talking to him.

1:22:19 He's like, I'm not going to break.

1:22:20 Up with you. Literally, stop talking. I'm in love with you.

1:22:23 I'm in love with you. I'm not going to break up with you. You're very attractive. But please don't. Does that work? Did it work when I said please don't?

1:22:32 Oh, my God, dude.

1:22:33 If I said pretty please.

1:22:35 Yeah.

1:22:35 Cherry on top.

1:22:37 Oh, well, now we can do that.

1:22:39 Now it's okay.

1:22:39 Now it's okay. I knew you'd have some sort of. I knew you were forgetting something. I knew you were forgetting something. You were forgetting the cherry. But as OP says in the updates, I want our relationship to work. We are engaged as of this summer, which has long overdue. My trust is now gone.

1:22:58 We should unengage. Disengage, if you will.

1:23:01 Disengage, if you must. I feel like the only lever left is to simply leave and attempt to reconcile through therapy because she isn't getting the message.

1:23:10 Pull the lever, Cronk.

1:23:11 I don't want that lever.

1:23:13 Or she doesn't actually care. Or there's something else going on altogether. Yeah, it's the something else, buddy.

1:23:20 Yep.

1:23:20 Yep.

1:23:20 You're almost there, OP. You're almost there. You're on the cusp.

1:23:25 A couple more clicks and you'll find it.

1:23:28 I can't put my finger on it.

1:23:32 I just can't put it.

1:23:33 What's going on?

1:23:35 Just put your finger on it.

1:23:36 I don't want to break our household or put our kids through this. Our youngest has extreme behavioral problems, and a split right now would impact him for life. Before I act, I need advice on how to handle this. Is leaving and forcing the issue through therapy the right move or is there something else I should be trying?

1:23:55 How would you handle this? Find somebody else, dude.

1:23:58 Yeah. In terms of like the kids, maybe you could have a conversation with her and say, hey, I want to separate. But for our kids, maybe live in the same house.

1:24:06 But even still, it's kind of just like your kids are going to get messed up regardless.

1:24:11 Yeah. They'll recognize that y'all are not into each other anymore and they'll see it. They probably notice now that there are issues.

1:24:19 Yeah, of course. You know, so it's literally it's just like pick which option is going to hurt the kids less, which I feel like is the best advice you can give in this scenario.

1:24:30 And that's the end of this story.